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2023.05.28 09:00 parakat15 Patient neglect and disrespectful comments in front of patient during shift report. Warning! It's a long rant but I need advice pls.
I need advice and perspective on an incident I had with a coworker. I work on a neuro step down unit and due to desperation for staffing, an "experienced" LVN has been hired. A few shifts ago she gave me report on a patient who she claimed was basically a vegetable with a trach and peg tube. As I'm gathering my things to go into the room the RT comes out and says that he has decannulated. He was in fact not a vegetable and very much alert. No obturator on the wall, no spare cannula in sight. We stabilized him and I called her out on it and her only response was that I was making it sound like it was all her fault and that she wouldn't be spoken to like a child. Day shift charge said that when she got the patient, the CNA reported that it was at least an hour before she went into his room to do an assessment. He was moved to a room closer to the nurses station and she still did not see him. She also reported continuous feeding. There was no feeding supplies or equipment set up or in the room. When asked she said that the previous nurse from the ICU said that he had already been fed. wtf?!? A variance report was written. I wrote up an incident report and sent it to my clinical director who sucks. She allows bad employees to stay for way too long and has no backbone. She ended up getting after me for not doing a bedside report. No one does bedside report because we hand off to up to 4 different nurses and it takes forever. It's easier to give quick report outside of the room, pop in for a hello and move on to the next nurse. The next shift I am assigned one of the LVN's patients again. While I'm waiting for her to be available for report I skim through the chart and notice meds not given for 6 hours and an order for JP drain removal from 10 hours prior at the start of her shift. I went to see the patient and confirmed my suspicion that the JP drain was still in place. I bring it to the attention of the same day shift charge from the day before who is also our "team leader" and ask her how she wants for me to handle it. She says to see what she says and to tell her that she definitely needs to give the medications before she goes. Charge looks into her other patient's charts and a lot of medications have not been given. This time I insist on bedside shift report and when she gets to the JP drain she says that hopefully it will come out soon, confirming my theory that she had no idea there was even an order for it. The patient also complains that the drain has been in place going on 3 days with no output and I assure him that there is an order from 9am to remove it and I will gladly remove it as soon as possible. She looks shocked and says "yes. I failed to do that. I see. I failed to do that. Thank you for pointing that out. Thank you for your sarcasm." I was going to let it slide but couldn't so I tell her that it's not sarcasm and it's a plain fact. She says that it is sarcasm and it's the way I said it. I refute and press on with how it's a fact from the patient's chart. She then asks if I would like to continue reading the chart on my own and ignore her so she can be done and that she isn't going to do this again with me. Reference to the night before. I tell her that this conversation is no longer appropriate to have in front of a patient and I walked out. I reported this to both the day and night charge and again wrote it up in an email to my director and wrote a variance for delay in treatment for the medications.
So at this point I am torn if I should escalate this to HR or wait and see what my director is going to do. The team leader told me that she had told our director about how the LVN hadn't gone to see the trach patient and that she had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. When I spoke to my director the following morning she made excuses for how she is new to our floor and we are all still trying to figure out how to incorporate an LVN and blah blah blah. It isn't sitting well with me and I don't know what to do.
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2023.05.28 09:00 MoroKris Can't win anymore?
Over the past couple of weeks I have dropped from close to 60 (have been infinite in the past) to 40 because for some reason I can't win a game back to back anymore?
Over this time I've used several decks, ones that don't rely on the meta or can be countered by it but no matter how good the deck is, the opponent is always better. That includes discard, destroy , collector, Wong panther, patriot etc.
Like playing against armour in your destroy deck after not seeing it for ages. Cosmo against your Wong deck etc. I have just played a destroy deck game where I stacked 90 and 145 power over two zones and the other player managed to beat that, or another game stacking 40/50/90 over the zones and still losing.
I've been playing for around 6 months but it's only been this season that this has happened, where no deck can build momentum unless it's in the meta. The matchmaking reminds me so much now of clash royale where it always finds counter card decks. You can tell by the delay in finding someone compared to a fast matchup when using a known deck.
It's not a skill issue , nor a bad luck issue, not expecting to be infinite or anywhere near but daily I'm going backwards in the rankings no matter what deck I'm using. At this point I'm just doing the challenges because I'm not expecting to even hit 60 now!
Shout-out to the player who armoured rickety bridge and then enchantresses it last turn to destroy all my cards I had put there, that was a top tactic and genuinely impressed me.
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MarvelSnap [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 09:00 horsiefanatic Meds are important- and losing weight is second to that
Hello. This is a long post about antipsychotic weight gain and appetite/satiety side effects.
I have not posted here before and I hope it’s cool I want to share how I’ve lost weight in relation to being on meds for over ten years and continuing to be on meds for severe mental illness- Bipolar, anxiety, ADHD, psychotic features, SI, Tourette’s, autism traits, social LD.
So I must not be the only one here or out here who got on an antipsychotic for mental illness and it drastically improved my life- but completely changed my body and my eating. It’s so hard to grapple with that, and I’ve heard many stories of people like me giving up on meds because they could not handle the side effect’s changing them. And I get that. But I never stopped meds- I never gave up on them. I wanted to gain a life and be successful.
But then I was full time in school having to wake up at 5:30 am three times a week for clinicals. And 7:30 the other two days. I could take my meds at 8 pm and I could still be too drowsy in the morning. I drove to clinicals a few times and my eyes were literally drifting shut. I needed a change. Not to mention I don’t exercise much and my physical and regular labs told me my triglycerides were slightly elevated, and my cholesterol. It scared me! I was ten years on antipsychotic at that pt but I was ready to try a different med approach
I’m here to tell you I did lose weight getting off of it. So I took Resperidal in inpatient at age 15, switched to Seroquel for years but then switched to Latuda as it is considered more weight neutral. It’s really not weight neutral- maybe it doesn’t cause as much weight gain and symptoms as Seroquel or other atypicals and maybe it’s considered more like Geodon in that sense but it still affects eating and weight.
But I also want to share my experience. Emotionally, mentally, it was very difficult. It still is. It’s been a full year about now and I’m still tweaking my meds. I had severe constipation and blockage issues later last year too and had to figure that out too, so it’s been rough. I have lost 25 lbs and my body looks amazingly different and I’m so happy for that but I also do miss taking an antipsychotic. I don’t miss the drowsiness and the weight stuff. But it changed my life and made it so I could get on track and stay on track
what am I trying to say with this rant story? Be careful. Work with your psychiatrist- see them at least every 3 months or more with med changes. Call them and report anything you are concerned about or questions on when and how to take meds or side effects you get. When you go off meds like antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and ADHD meds even past withdrawal symptoms it takes more than a month for these meds to clear out of your system, so you can be doing fairly well and it can reinforce the delusion that you don’t need your meds, and months later when a stressor bothers you or your period happens or something else, it’s a reminder why meds are meant to be taken continually for some mental issues, esp. Bipolar. Bipolar is one of the most med dependent mental illnesses IMHO. As in most (not all) of us need meds. If you’re really frustrated with your meds, you’re not alone and stopping them without working w your doctor is not gonna be good. And even doing it the way I have been, where my doc is there every step, it’s been hard. I’ve experienced SI twice recently. When I got off my med originally I had to find I needed an IR 50 mg Seroquel dose at night to keep me from paranoia and anxiety. So crazy enough I still take a little.
TLDR; do you take an antipsychotic and hate the weight gain and want to change your meds? It’s hard and sucky and I am doing it and I recommend do it w your doctor and a support system. Or don’t, meds are really important. Consider the consequences!
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2023.05.28 09:00 astorascrub Dark Souls Upgrade Chart fixed
| Many of you have probably seen this popular weapon upgrade chart. Those that have tried relying on it have probably noticed that it has some errors. I went through all possible upgrades paths in-game multiple times and fixed the incorrect values on this chart based on that. On a side note, all three Dark Souls wikis have some false info on weapon upgrades, too. Fextralife and Wikidot both feature this image on their 'Weapon Upgrades" pages, but if you go to the pages of the individual upgrade paths, they will feature informantion that is different from this image (and even some of that is wrong). The fandom wiki is not even worth mentioning, because for most upgrade paths, it doesn't even say how much of each upgrade material you need. tldr: this image and the wikis are all wrong about upgrade paths, best source is the game itself. https://preview.redd.it/ooy1eflx8k2b1.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b17150d7380b23c3810641fa488e4e40d2c3f020 submitted by astorascrub to darksouls [link] [comments] |
2023.05.28 09:00 Correct_Ad_6349 Should I bring back one of my dead OCs?
(sorry if this seems all over the place, i'm tired lol)
So, I've been writing fanfiction about Natasha Romanoff since January and it's mostly canon-divergent, which includes her dead lover and one of my ocs, Delilah.
Delilah isn't a very fleshed out character, readers know little about her, and all the things they do know are through the things Natasha thinks and talks about throughout the story. Delilah's been dead since before the story started.
However, a few of the homies have been suggesting I bring her back.
I was unsure about it at first, but introducing my most ocs gave me the perfect setup and storyline to fake her death and bring her back, and I've been writing ideas for if I do.
If I do bring her back, it might throw off character development and change the way my characters act and interact. In addition to that, I have doubts that I might not be able to keep up with the amount of original characters I have already. But, her and Natasha can be happy and in love and all that good stuff and there's a lot of fluff and additional found family cuteness I can see happening between her and the other original characters.
Of course, I could work these things out if I bring her back, but I'm also not sure how readers will react since the whole plot is centered around the girls Natasha takes in. I already have a separate series about Natasha and Delilah where I plan to write about their days in the Red Room and S.H.I.E.L.D with different povs where I intend to flesh out Delilah as a character and won't diverge into my other story.
I'm also not sure how readers will react since the whole plot is centered around Natasha and my ocs. I already have a separate series about Natasha and Delilah that I haven't written much for, where I intend to flesh out Delilah as a character and won't diverge into my other story.
All around I'm not sure, because I like the way my story is going without her, but I can also think of ways the plot could be better with her. Either way goes, but I'd appreciate more opinions and help!
(if anyone needs me to clear something up, that's cool just ask, i know this is kinda all over the place)
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2023.05.28 08:59 SisyphusOfSquish Do you ever get bad amounts of anxiety while playing?
Hi folks,
I love this game and I've been hyper-fixating on it with stream and video content for months now. Within the past few months, I've started to play, and I've played a game weekly or bi-weekly for the past few weeks. It's so much fun. I just feel so anxious.
The anxiety is the worst for me when I'm on the evil team, but it happens when I'm good too. I get physical symptoms like nausea and feeling like I'm about to hiccup. Sometimes I even dissociate and space out when people try to tell me things - which has once caused me to throw the game for evil when I didn't hear my demon telling me I could vote to tie on the final execution (while he was on the block).
Have any of you experienced this? If so, is there anything in particular that you do to help you have a good time while playing? I'm noticing it helps a lot to talk to the other players about non-game things and about how their day is going throughout the session (before and after the game especially but also in some private chats if I'm not too focused on solving), but could use other strategies too.
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BloodOnTheClocktower [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 08:58 Hairy-Supermarket-48 Help
I have a crush on my childhood friend. I’m a 16 year old male who has been friends with my crush since 3 years old she is a 16 year old female. We’ve know each other through family I would say by being family friends connected. I have always like her my entire life but has never told her. When we were 12 I went on a trip with her family to Disney and universal and we had the best time we held hands, hugged, and she even leaned her head on my shoulder. But since then we rarely see each other because we only see each other at family events and we didn’t really talk much through text either. But now we started texting again and we are hitting it off because we started talking about how we never could talk to each other in person because we are always to scared or nervous she even told me she couldn’t sleep because of the conversations we could of had in person. We have been texting for a week and i really like her I would even say love her I feel like she likes me back but I don’t know she told her aunt which who told my mom that she wanted a picture of me to she her friend the boy she though was cute but I’m not supposed to know. I want to start hinting that I have feelings or something but I don’t know what to do. Help please?
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Crushes [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 08:58 Remarkable_Visual896 it is reliable?
2023.05.28 08:58 -Aijin_ How do you guys deal with being sad/lonely
Whenever I got nothing to do, I usually play games but I'm the type of person who gets easily bored if I keep doing the same thing so I eventually go to social media or something. Problem is, the stuff I see there triggers me and I get reminded of how much I love the idea of having a significant other. I understand that it's a serious responsibility to do and I know that I'm too broke to afford to maintain a relationship but it tears me to shreds how desperate I feel sometimes y'know???
I wanna know if ya'll feel this way too cause I got no one to talk to and I feel like I'm going crazy (sorry if this isn't a meme, idk if this is just another coping mechanism of mine)
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-Aijin_ to
teenagers [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 08:57 I_am_yaR Struggling at the Abyss for a long while...
| I don't really use Reddit for much else besides looking at leaks, so I already apologize in advance in case this post isn't well structured. So I've pulled for Yoimiya a while ago during version 3.2 solely due to her being my favorite character desing-wise. I had her artifacts and even signature bow (that I got by accident in 2.8 lol) ready beforehand, so I thought I'd have a great time playing her. Unfortunately, since that patch I've never found myself to be able to 36* the abyss using her at all and I just don't know why. The current abyss especially takes me almost a whole two minutes to get through the first half of chamber 1, which boggles me when there're some videos of people clearing it in barely over a minute and only using Rust. I still use and will always use her for exploration and daily missions, but damn do I wanna make this girl work because I absolutely love her, so that's why I've finally decided to come here to ask for help (took a bit too long, I know). If I hadn't messed up, I put down below an image of the team I'm currently trying to use Yoimiya. Fischl is there mostly because of SIMON in chamber 3 (which doesn't matter much since I can't even clear chamber 1 under a reasonable amount of time). I would highly appreciate if I could get any guidance on how to improve Yoimiya, whether it's on team building, artifacts or rotations. I can even find a way to post footage of my rotations, if needed. https://preview.redd.it/ijmiz2lu7k2b1.png?width=1106&format=png&auto=webp&s=8f717e3aa80d19c206bf3b2fa805f54d9f8f9325 submitted by I_am_yaR to Yoimiya_Mains [link] [comments] |
2023.05.28 08:57 Ok_Willingness1735 Track Your Wife’s Phone Without Her Knowing tracking your partner phone best way to track your wife’s phone how to trace a phone hire a hacker.
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2023.05.28 08:57 mymindplaces My best friend has the worst ego out of anyone I know, how do I help him?
We have literally known each other since birth because we are cousins, but he is my best friend. We grew up in a religious family (Jehovah Witnesses) but I broke off and therefore live under different beliefs and live a totally different lifestyle. His life is one of comfort, he did grow up without a dad but he always had a mom and a family that would protect him and give him anything he needed. My inner family however has been faced with drug addiction and much adversity. For context, he is my cousin on my dad's side, the religious side of my family. My dad also broke off from the religion at an early age. As some of you may know, Jehovah Witnesses are people who in of themselves, are egotistical. Lets look at ego, ego is what reassures us and affirms our beliefs about ourselves. We listen to our ego when we want comfort, when we want to know that we are right and everyone else is wrong.
The Jehovah Witnesses believe that anyone who isn't a part of their religion will not go to their paradise, they will ostrocize anyone who breaks their rules, even if its family. My friend, my cousin, has broken many rules but has been protected by our family and never even got punished or addressed what he did. Growing up he was very spoiled, he got to go on dozens of vacations out of the country and got whatever he wanted in life. So this sets up someone to believe that they can do what they want and get away with it, that they are privileged and they deserve to have whatever they want.
We have argued and fought many times because of the vast difference in our life styles. I have done lots of drugs and I have been on the streets and I have lost countless people and I am a diagnosed schizophrenic. He will often use these things against me and even gaslight me ("you're having an episode" "you're a drug addict") when I criticize him even the littlest amount. He also has really bad anger issues, he has hit women before and he often punches walls and breaks furniture. Whenever I, or anyone else who isn't within his inner circle of reassuring extemist family cult tells him he is doing something wrong he will lash out.
I often ignore these behaviours, but right now Im in a time of growth and I want to surround myself with people who also want to grow. My best friend however, does not and it troubles me deeply and has for years and years. How am I supposed to help someone who not only has a monstrous ego but is backed by cultish extremists who will protect everything he does?
The worst part is that I can see he is troubled, I can even see that he is depressed and has no motivation in life. Tonight I tried telling him that its because he hasn't faced adversity and will never face adversity because of the way he was raised and the belief system he is caught in. Of course he didn't take any shit, he did his usual routine of calling me crazy and a drug addict and then blocked me on everything.
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2023.05.28 08:57 mschickabee Advice please! First time Covid and loss of smell/taste
I made it this long without getting Covid, and then on Monday I started to feel awful. I thought I had a flu and didn’t think it was Covid but it got bad enough I figured I’d test. I tested positive on Wednesday.
It’s Saturday and I’m feeling better, still congested, have a cough, and am fatigued/weak but not too bad.
Yesterday I noticed I couldn’t taste/smell at some point in the day. It’s weird because yesterday is when I started to really feel better. Today I still have no taste or smell, and I’m kind of freaking out and very scared. I didn’t realize how much this would affect me but I guess I really enjoy my snacks.
So, is it normal to lose your smell while you are starting to improve? Is it possible it will come back sooner than the average few weeks? I can’t imagine if it lasts longer, I can’t even go there.
Please let me know if you have any advice so that I can maybe get through this faster.
I am still congested but it’s mostly like pressure and inflammation in my sinuses and not clogged nasal pathways.
Thank you all so much for being here!
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2023.05.28 08:56 WilliamSnow7 I don't know what to title this, honestly it's getting off my chest literally
I don't even know where to start from, IDK is the phrase of my life from last year I think. I am 19F, comes from a very dysfunctional family, honestly? I think half of my life I had spent explaining how my mom is not my mom but grandma and my dad is not my dad grandpa, cuz even i don't understand this setting.
My grandpa's older brother (80M) and his wife (75F) are my mom and dad to me, there daughter (40 married with two kids 10f & 7m, i love them more than my life) is technically my aunt even if i call both her parents mom and dad, and to me only these 5 people are the family i consider. Sounds like adopted, but I am not. My bio parents have 3 more kids, one of them is my older sister, I resent them for they have their parents and not like me, and hate myself for thinking like this.
I was pretty much mute kid when my gradma (I'm gonna address her as mom hereafter) at 3 years brought me with her. I didn't have any day in it, it's not like anyone asked me or something, My bio parents were pretty much happy getting one burden off there shoulders. I grew up to be quite extroverted and loud. I was always told to have opinion by my dad(grandpa).
Dad and mom don't have a great elderly married sweet relationship, they are very detached, dad is like Mr. Bennet from P&P sits in study and don't really have family conversation. From what I know my dad at point before i was even born was abusive towards my mom, and is not of good character but i don't know if there was any infidelity in their marriage.
My aunt is a great lady. I have always looked up to her, but the comparison have killed the inside of me at this point. My aunt is the golden child, perfect in everything she did, she was quite, understanding and nice towards me in everything, but it's like they put her on pedestal, and I? I need to be like her, I have tried and tried but now, i don't want to anymore, i give up. I am the difficult child my mom regrets bring in her house.
My aunt shares everything of her life her friends life with mom, whereas I feel anxiety to even tell her my exam dates. She really have done for me alot, things my bio parents never did for me. But every time i try to speak to her (every since i grew up maybe 10-11) everything truns into a screaming match, she goes on and on with her rants about how my bio family hurt her, how they are bad and hate her, how dad always favours his family (my bio family) over mom and her daughter, she goes for 2 hours stright, I used to yell back but now give up in 10 mintues, i hate screaming and it gives me too much anxiety, the loud noise and her yelling that at point i don't even remember what she is even saying, because well same old bitter things. I had taken psychology in my college and in last two years I have realised she is very much emotionally manipulating, but I love her nd i feel guilty and ashamed to even think of it.
I also feel Guilty for the reasons i have came up with in my head by overthinking on why my mom hates me so much and had kept me with her. Maybe I am the affair child of my dad and my bio mom, I don't know how this thing entered my head but we'll both of them according to my mom are characterless and jave a thing for eachother. I don't know i might be wrong but this gets me wondering, if i should find a secret way to test it out? But that will change the complete dynamics of the family if comes out true, i don't have guts to test it out, but it's eating me on inside.
Adding on, I am underweight whole my life, i am beautiful by face and height for a female but looks like skin and bones, might as will try to be a k-pop idol at this point. And my mom goes on screaming at to eat food, vegetables but i just can't, i over the years have lost my appetite too much to sustain just enough food to keep surviving. And her approach to make me eat more food might have good intentions, heck i know she have good intentions but is doing everything all bad! And she is never ready to listen to me or anyone for the matter of fact. At this point, I just want to give up so bad, I hate my existence that burdens my mom so much, and cause so much pain to her, I don't feel need or loved and I feel scared , scared in my own body, i feel scared i might end up doing something to myself, but i am too much of a coward. I just don't have any wish to live.
It's complicated and i don't know what to do. Am I wrong? Am I bad child? Should I end it all? Should I talk to my aunt? I am so scared writing this even.
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offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 08:56 BigchungusXDfunny Selling and buying several things
Selling and buying several things
Selling vbuck accounts and method Selling at these rates 7k vbucks - $20 20k vbucks - $35 35k vbucks - $50 Can do much more vbucks and negotiate prices and these are all fa which means you will have access to the gmail associated with the fn acc and the epic games acc itself. I will let you know how to avoid getting the vbucks revoked with purchase. These are completely safe and can be used to gift your main account whatever you’d like. I have already tested them out on my own personal main and I have kept all the things I’ve bought to this day. I can negotiate prices and accept Amazon giftcards and cashapp :) vouches can be shown and I have currently sold on eBay as well. Also selling a vbuck and pulling method for any offers. I’ve made several deals on eBay already and will continue to do more so I’d say I’m legit I am also doing gift card services dm me if you need any and FINALLY, I am selling my fn acc it’s fa and has 200+ skins. I AM BUYING AGED AMAZON ACCOUNTS FOR CHEAP LMK AND SELLING MY AA1 BK MINTY ACC ON MY PROFILE. AND MY FRIEND IS DOING 50% AMAZON ORDERS OF NO LIMIT TO YOUR ADDRESS OR ANY PICK UP LOCATIONS DM FOR MORE INFO (I’ve bought from him dm for proof)
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2023.05.28 08:56 HarkidyBrokidyYT Can people stop commenting on "How much is this card worth?" Posts with literal cheese? People are posting them for help, not for a PhD in clownery.
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2023.05.28 08:55 mellydrop Just switched jobs to a highly technical SWE position I dreamed of and now I'm struggling to learn the stack
Hi all!
I'm in the EU, around 2YOE. I recently accepted a new full time SWE job offer at a nice company - really cool tech, lovely people, nice salary. I honestly love it here. I'm excited about the technology and how it helps others and I adore my colleagues.
I'm just around the two month mark at my new place. I'm getting a lot of help from people around me to learn the tech - as soon as I ask someone has jumped in a meeting with me to explain/discuss my questions. I feel I'm getting the best conditions to learn. And yet I'm struggling.
The stack is completely new to me, the code base is large and very detailed and concerns complex programming areas that are challenging. I love that it's hard because it's personally simulating. But I'm also starting to feel worried. I'm no where near being able to contribute to the stack by myself without ample aid from senior developers. Everyone of my colleagues had experience in this specific area from before (I didn't) and works autonomously easily. I'm so excited to go to work in the mornings and hang out with colleagues/learn but I'm worried that me having fun and being excited isn't enough. We recently had mass layoffs, and at 2 months I haven't yet passed probation so my position isn't super secure.
I may just be overthinking it, but thoughts have popped into my head that I should maybe put a lid on my excitement to at least give a more professional appearance or something ... It sounds so stupid and sad now that I write that out, is there any merit in doing something like it?
I'm also very open when I don't understand things/aspects (even when these may be basic) and will say often immediately that "I don't know/I don't understand this/this feels hard for me to understand". I do that because often someone will fill me in then, explain a bit of what I'm missing, and I will learn quickly (rather than googling on my own). But I rarely hear my colleagues say this - maybe because they're so experienced - but I say it so often. I was thinking that maybe I should stop being so vocal about my gaps of knowledge to at least appear as not incompetent... I've always thought it was healthy to be open about knowledge gaps, but corporate software jobs are quite new to me and I feel like I don't know the social rules well yet. It feels sad/counterproductive to even consider hiding excitement and not being open about where my knowledge is at, I think I may just be brooding. I wouldn't want others to hide their questions or excitement with me. I don't know. I'm sorry if this is rambly.
Has anyone been in a similar position? Or in the position of the experienced seeing other people struggle like I do? What did you think then, what are your tips? Should those of us in my position be worried when we're struggling like this or should we just keep going and eventually it often sorts itself out/our knowledge grows with practise? How do you placate your worry own worries when you feel like you're not as cool/you're not contributing at all as much as others?
Thanks for all input in advance! I just want to stay with my lovely team and continue to learn here.
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2023.05.28 08:55 BeunsLeftEar Shitting math
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2023.05.28 08:55 Thin-March-5583 Need help in processing feelings and moving on
I (22f) have had to move back home after 2 years of living abroad, and some very unpleasant memories have been brought back. I haven't been able to stop crying when alone or feeling like shit about myself, so I'm here on a throwaway to get some help.
I live in a family with my parents and grandmother, my brother moved abroad 4 years ago.
When I was 8, my grandmother accused me of having an affair with a somebody's cook (I'm assuming at least 25 years old m) in our building. I faintly remember my grandmother rushing to my friends houses as I was playing with them, creating a scene and taking me back home. She created a huge thing at home, and only when my mom intervened saying that she will call the police my grandmother fully stopped bringing this up. No apologies, nothing. But I was 8, who the fuck does this?
I've had a strained relationship with her my whole life, we fight about everything, she's stolen my money ever since 2nd grade. Just overall, she's done pretty bad things to me. But she also has a habit of making up stories, like once she said she sees people dealing drugs in our building at 3am among few other stories she makes up in her head.
But she has also stayed up countless nights as I was ill, just being there for me, pressing my head, and caring for me. So I feel like maybe she isn't that bad? Like she actually cares about me. But it's so hard to believe that. She's made my feel pretty shit when it comes to my bua's children, and classic cases of favouritism. I've made my peace with not being loved, - sucks but thats life kinda thinking.
I don't know how to live with her without feeling inexplicable rage at every wrong thing she does, but my dad's recovering from a pretty big surgery and she takes care of him so I feel like I owe her a lot. I've been taking care of my dad too, but when my parents aren't around she'll say things like I'm the reason behind his illness and I've brought him a lot of pain (he found out about my relationship in 10th grade and didn't speak to me for a month and never really trusted me after it for three years, but its been 8 years we're now on very good terms). But she makes me feel like shit for just existing.
I'm trying my best to move back abroad (applying to jobs), but I still have to live home for some time now and I'm tired of all the crying while hiding because I am really hurt. Does anybody have any advice on how I should process these feelings, I would think it is past trauma that hurts me so deeply, I'm going to see a therapist once I earn some money, but for now on I don't know how to function normally when I feel so deeply wronged by my family members, not just my grandmom, but also my parents for some reason, feeling like they could've done better. But they have also been there for me and also invested so much money in me (my masters abroad), so it must mean they trust me and have some faith in me? or just love me, not unconditionally, but still love me?
I'm sorry if this is incoherent but I'm really trying to move on and desperately need advice.
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