Men's renaissance shirt pattern
Free Sewing Patterns
2014.11.04 00:59 canadianvintage Free Sewing Patterns
For sharing free sewing patterns. We love seeing your finished products and hearing your experience in creating it. Only links to completely free patterns or instructions to self draft patterns may be posted. No paid/premium patterns allowed. Pattern requests must go in the weekly thread.
2023.05.28 07:53 banana_man_14 You folks think these pieces would be good for a custom LEGO minifigure of Willow?? Any help is very much appreciated
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I am trying to make an adaptation rather than an exact copy, as there are not all that many heads in white with a normal female face. Would it be recognizable enough?? I’m still trying to figure out how to make her lighter submitted by banana_man_14 to dontstarve [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 07:50 Adbacklist Surfer Outfit Top 10 Styles for the Perfect Beach Look
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A surfer outfit consists of a wetsuit, board shorts, and rash guard. Here's a guide to help you decide what to wear while surfing.
Surfing is an activity that has gained immense popularity over the years. It is a sport that involves riding waves and requires appropriate gear to protect the surfer from the elements. A surfer outfit generally comprises a wetsuit, board shorts, and a rash guard.
The wetsuit keeps the surfer warm in cold waters, while board shorts provide comfort and flexibility. A rash guard helps prevent irritation from surf wax or abrasions from the board. Choosing the right outfit while surfing can be the difference between a comfortable and enjoyable experience or one that is unpleasant and uncomfortable. In this article, we will dive deeper into the components that make up a surfer outfit and how to choose the perfect one for you.
Comfortable T-Shirts For The Beach
The Best Materials For T-Shirts That Are Comfortable And Absorb Sweat
When you're planning on spending the day at the beach, you need to make sure you wear the right clothes. T-shirts are a perfect choice for a casual yet comfortable look. However, not all materials are suitable for the beach.
Here are the best fabrics to look for in beach t-shirts:
- Cotton: Lightweight, soft, and naturally breathable, making it ideal for a hot day.
- Bamboo: Eco-friendly and soft, it's also great for absorbing moisture.
- Linen: Lightweight and breathable, linen t-shirts allow air to circulate and keep you cool surfer outfit.
- Polyester: Synthetic t-shirts dry quickly, making them perfect for swimming and other water activities.
The Latest Trends In Surf T-Shirts With A Focus On Style And Comfort
Surf t-shirts have come a long way from the traditional plain white cotton t-shirt with a logo on the chest. Nowadays, surf t-shirts combine style and comfort. Here are the latest trends in surf t-shirts:
- Graphic designs: Bold and colorful designs that reflect the beach lifestyle surfer outfit.
- Retro style: Throwback designs from the 70s and 80s are making a comeback.
- High-performance materials: Surf t-shirts are made from quick-drying, moisture-wicking materials that are perfect for water activities.
- Upf protection: Shirts constructed with ultraviolet protection factor to protect your skin from the harmful effects of the sun.
The Most Popular T-Shirt Designs That Are Practical For Beachwear
Beach t-shirts are all about comfort and practicality, but that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice style. Here are the most popular t-shirt designs that are perfect for the beach:
- V-neck t-shirts: Allow airflow around the neck and chest area, keeping you cool.
- Long sleeve t-shirts: Provide protection from the sun and can be rolled up if you get too warm.
- Tank tops: Show off your arms and provide maximum ventilation surfer outfit.
- Henley t-shirts: Stylish and practical, they have a partial button front, making them versatile for different occasions.
How To Style Your T-Shirts With Other Pieces For A Complete Beach Outfit
Creating the perfect beach outfit isn't just about choosing the right t-shirt. You can create a complete beach look by carefully selecting coordinating pieces. Here are some ideas on how to style your t-shirts:
- Pair a graphic t-shirt with board shorts and flip-flops for a casual, laid-back vibe.
- Dress up a solid-colored t-shirt by layering it with a linen shirt, chino shorts, and sandals.
- Accessorize your t-shirt with sunglasses, a straw hat, and a backpack for a more elevated look.
- Wear a long sleeve T-shirt with swim trunks and water shoes for extra protection from the sun and rocks in the water surfer outfit.
Remember to choose a style that fits your personality and comfort level. There's no wrong way to style a beach t-shirt, just make sure it's comfortable, practical, and reflects your personal style.
Stylish Shorts For The Beach
The Best Fabrics For Beach Shorts That Are Durable And Comfortable
When it comes to beach shorts, it is essential to select the right fabric to make sure that you stay comfortable and stylish throughout your beach day. Selecting the perfect material is key, and here are a few options:
- Polyester: This fabric is durable, quick-drying, and lightweight, making it the perfect choice for all-day wear. It's also wrinkle-resistant, which means you won't have to worry about ironing your shorts before you hit the beach!
- Nylon: Another popular choice for beach shorts, nylon is breathable, lightweight, and dries quickly. It's also easy to wash, making it perfect for those long beach trips surfer outfit.
- Cotton: Although cotton is not the best choice for swimwear, it's still a great fabric for beach shorts. It's soft, comfortable, and ideal for those who prefer a more relaxed, casual look.
The Latest Designs For Beach Shorts That Combine Style And Functionality
Beach shorts come in many different designs, and selecting the perfect style depends on your personal preference. However, here are some of the trendiest designs that combine style and functionality:
- Boardshorts: One of the most comfortable and functional beach shorts designs, boardshorts are typically made of a lightweight and quick-drying material such as polyester or nylon. These shorts are ideal for surfing as they resist clinging to your skin, thanks to their looser and longer cut.
- Hybrid shorts: As the name suggests, these shorts can be worn both in and out of the water. They are designed with quick-drying fabric that is both breathable and comfortable. With their versatile design, hybrid shorts are perfect for any beach activity surfer outfit.
- Athletic shorts: Athletic shorts are perfect for those who want a lightweight option that is easy to move in. They're designed with quick-drying material and are usually lined with mesh for added comfort and breathability.
Different Styles Of Beach Shorts That Suit Different Body Types
No two bodies are alike, and the perfect beach shorts should complement your body type. Here are the best styles of beach shorts that flatter different body types:
- Slim body type: Slim men should opt for shorter beach shorts with a tailored, slim fit. This will create the illusion of having a more muscular frame surfer outfit.
- Muscular body type: Those with a muscular frame should choose longer shorts with a looser fit. This will help to balance out the proportions of the body.
- Larger body type: Beach shorts with a relaxed fit and elastic waistband are perfect for those with a larger body type. They offer plenty of room to move, making them comfortable and stylish at the same time.
Tips On How To Match Beach Shorts With Different Types Of Beach Shirts
Beach shirts come in a range of styles and designs, and pairing them with the perfect beach shorts can make all the difference. Here are some useful tips to help you match your beach shorts with different types of beach shirts:
- Solid color shirts: If you're wearing a solid color shirt, choose beach shorts with a bold pattern or bright colors to create a contrasting effect.
- Striped shirts: Striped beach shirts work best with plain-colored shorts. Choose a color that complements the stripes on your shirt for a cohesive look surfer outfit.
- Printed shirts: If you're wearing a printed beach shirt, opt for beach shorts with a solid color. This will keep the focus on your shirt while allowing you to add a touch of color to your outfit. You can also choose a color from the print on your shirt for your shorts to create a harmonizing effect.
Fashionable Bikinis For Surfers
Surfing is a fun and exhilarating water sport, but it can be challenging to find the right bikini that will stay on while you catch waves. Not to worry, we've rounded up the top 10 bikini styles for surfers that are fashionable, practical, and functional.
In this section, we'll focus on fashionable bikinis for surfers. Let's dive in!
The Most Popular Bikini Designs For Surfers
- Triangle bikinis: These are popular among surfers due to their minimalist design and their ability to stay on even in rough waters.
- High-neck bikinis: They offer more coverage and support, making them perfect for women with larger busts. They also have a stylish look and feel.
- Sporty bikinis: They often come with extra support, straps, and coverage, making them ideal for intense water activities such as surfing for surfer outfit.
- One-piece swimsuits: These are popular with women who prefer more coverage and support and feel more comfortable wearing swimwear that doesn't shift around.
The Most Practical And Functional Materials For Surf Bikinis
When looking for a bikini to wear while surfing, you want a material that will stay on while you're catching waves but also dries quickly. Here are the most practical and functional materials for surf bikinis:
- Nylon: Nylon is lightweight, quick-drying, and perfect for swimwear, making it ideal for surfing.
- Spandex: Spandex has excellent elasticity, making it the perfect material for surf bikinis as it stays on while riding waves.
- Polyester: Polyester resists water and dries quickly, making it a go-to material for surfing bikinis surfer outfit.
How To Choose A Bikini Style That Suits Your Body Type And Needs
When it comes to choosing the perfect bikini for surfing, it's important to consider your body type and needs. Here are some tips to keep in mind while selecting a bikini:
- Determine your body type, then choose a bikini that flatters your curves and enhances your assets.
- Think about the level of support you need. If you have a larger bust, consider a high-neck bikini, or if you want more coverage, a one-piece swimsuit might be a better option.
- Make sure it fits well; bikinis that are too loose or too tight aren't suitable for surfing.
Tips On How To Mix And Match Bikinis With Different Beach Accessories
Now that you've found the perfect bikini for surfing, it's time to accessorize! Here are some tips on how to mix and match bikinis with different beach accessories:
- Choose a beach bag that complements your bikini. If your bikini has bold colors, opt for a neutral beach bag to balance the look.
- Add a cover-up to your look, such as a sheer maxidress, denim shorts, or a sarong. A cover-up adds extra style and protection after a long and tiring session in the sun and waves surfer outfit.
- Accessorize with hats, sunglasses, and footwear that complement your bikini. For example, a pair of gold sandals adds elegance and charm to a simple black bikini.
Now that you know what bikinis are best for surfing, the most practical and functional materials for surf bikinis, how to choose a bikini style that suits your body type and needs, and how to mix and match bikinis with beach accessories, you're ready to hit the waves and show off your style. Happy surfing!
Comfortable And Durable Boardshorts
The Best Boardshort Materials That Are Comfortable And Durable
Choosing the right material is crucial when it comes to board shorts. You need to select an option that is both comfortable and durable. Here are some of the best materials to consider:
- Polyester: It's lightweight, quick-drying, and durable.
- Nylon: It's abrasion-resistant, strong, and provides uv protection surfer outfit.
- Spandex: It's stretchy, allowing for greater flexibility and mobility.
- Microfiber: It's soft, lightweight, and dries quickly.
The Latest Boardshort Trends In Surf Fashion
Surf fashion is constantly evolving, and it's essential to stay up-to-date with the latest trends. Here are some of the latest boardshorts trends:
- Bold patterns and prints: From tropical florals to vibrant stripes, boardshorts with bold prints and patterns are on-trend.
- Shorter lengths: Shorter boardshorts, above the knee, are a popular trend.
- Retro-style: Vintage-inspired boardshorts, with bright colors and geometric prints, are making a comeback surfer outfit.
- Sustainable options: Eco-friendly boardshorts made from recycled materials are becoming increasingly popular.
Different Styles Of Boardshorts That Suit Different Surfers
Different surfers prefer different styles of boardshorts, depending on their needs and preferences. Here are some of the most popular boardshort styles and who they are best suited for:
- Classic: Timeless and simple, the classic board shorts are suitable for all types of surfers.
- Performance: Designed for professional surfers, performance boardshorts provide greater flexibility and mobility.
- Hybrid: Hybrid board shorts are an excellent choice for surfers who want to transition from the water to the land, as they can be worn as regular shorts.
- Cargo: Cargo boardshorts are great for surfers who need extra storage space, as they have side pockets.
Tips On How To Choose The Perfect Boardshorts For Your Body Type And Surfer Style
Choosing the right boardshorts for your body type and surfer style can make a significant difference in your comfort and performance. Here are some tips to help you make the right choice:
- Consider your body type: If you have a leaner physique, choose board shorts with a slimmer fit, while if you have a more muscular build, opt for a looser fit.
- Think about your surfing style: Performance board shorts are ideal for surfers who want to maximize their mobility and flexibility, while classic board shorts are suitable for most surfing styles surfer outfit.
- Evaluate your needs: Cargo boardshorts provide plenty of storage options, hybrid boardshorts can be worn on land and water, and classic boardshorts are versatile and timeless.
By following these tips, you can select the perfect board shorts for your body type and surfing needs. Remember, comfortable boardshorts are crucial to helping you stay focused and conquer the waves.
Trendy And Comfortable Rashguards
The Importance Of Using Rashguards When Surfing
Not only is it a great way to stay active and healthy, but it also provides a much-needed break from the chaos of our daily lives. But did you know that surfing can also pose some potential risks to your skin?
This is where rashguards come in as a must-have in your surfer outfit! Here are some reasons why rashguards are important when surfing:
- Rashguards provide ultimate sun protection to your skin, preventing skin damage due to prolonged sun exposure
- They also protect you from getting rashes due to constant rubbing against the surfboard
- Rashguards provide an extra layer of protection against minor cuts and scrapes
- They keep you warm by providing insulation against the cold ocean currents surfer outfit
- Rashguards are built to dry quickly so you can stay comfortable throughout your surfing session while minimizing skin irritation
The Best Materials And Designs For Comfortable Rashguards
When it comes to rashguards, choosing the right material and design is crucial to ensure maximum comfort while surfing. Here are some materials and designs recommended for comfortable rashguards:
- Spandex and nylon blend materials are perfect for rashguards as they provide both comfort and flexibility
- Look for rashguards that have flatlock seams to minimize skin irritation surfer outfit
- Find rashguards that have a slim fit design, which ensures maximum movement and comfort while surfing
- Rashguards with ventilation zones are ideal as they allow for air circulation, keeping you cool and dry
The Latest Trends In Rashguard Designs For Surfers
Rashguards have gone through various design changes over the years, from bright and bold prints to simple yet elegant designs. Here are some of the latest designs and trends when it comes to rashguards for surfers:
- Tie-dye prints are making a comeback and are perfect for those who want to stand out on the beach!
- Bold geometric designs have been trending lately and are great for those who want to make a statement with their rashguards
- Gradient and ombre designs are also becoming popular as they give off a stylish and trendy vibe surfer outfit
- Many surf brands now offer rashguards with built-in uv protection, providing ultimate skin protection and peace of mind in the water.
Tips On How To Match Rashguards With Your Other Surf Outfits
Matching rashguards with your other surf outfits can be a bit tricky, but with proper coordination, you can find the perfect combination that suits your style. Here are some tips on how to match rashguards with your other surf outfits:
- Coordinate the color of your rashguard with your swim trunks or boardshorts. For instance, a blue rashguard goes well with black or navy boardshorts.
- Mix and match your rashguard with neoprene leggings or shorts that match the same color palette as your rashguard.
- Accessorize your rashguard with a pair of sunglasses and a surf hat that matches the color of your rashguard surfer outfit
- Keep in mind that the fit and style of your rashguard should complement your other surf outfits, creating a cohesive look.
Rashguards are an essential item in any surfer outfit, providing protection, comfort, and style. With the right materials, designs, and coordination, you can find the perfect rashguard that suits your surfing needs and style preferences.
Stylish Hats For Protection From The Sun
The Importance Of Using Hats For Sun Protection
Going to the beach for surfing is an excellent way to enjoy the sun and sea. While surfing is fun, it is equally important to protect oneself from the harmful effects of the sun. Wearing hats not only adds an extra bit of style to the beach outfit, but they help protect the scalp, ears, and face from harmful uv radiation, which can cause sunburn.
Here are some essential benefits that make wearing a hat necessary:
- Protects scalp and face from sunburn
- Prevents premature aging and skin damage
- Keeps you cool on hot sunny days surfer outfit
- Reduces glare and eye strain
- Helps maintain good health
The Latest Trends In Beach Hats For Surfers
The beach hat is not an accessory limited to women. In recent years, surfers have been adopting a variety of hat styles to complete their beach looks as well as protect themselves from the sun. There are many stylish beach hats to choose from.
Some popular styles among surfers include:
- Bucket hat
- Trucker hat
- Straw visor
- Wide-brimmed hat
- Baseball cap
- Bonnet hat
- Beanie hat
Different Styles Of Hats That Match Different Surfer Looks
Hats play an essential role in completing a surfer's outfit while offering protection from the sun. The type of hat you choose can enhance your style and reflect your personality. Here's a rundown of several hat styles that are perfect for a day out surfing:
- For a classic look, go for a wide-brimmed hat or a fedora
- Bucket hats look great with a casual outfit or when you're going for a beach picnic
- Trucker hats pair well with a casual surf style surfer outfit
- Beanies are a surfer's go-to on colder days
- Baseball caps are perfect for a laid-back look
- Bonnet hats offer protection for your head and can still be stylish
Tips On How To Choose The Perfect Hat For The Beach
With so many different styles of hats available, it's essential to choose one that matches not only your outfit but also your face shape and skin tone. Here are some tips to help you pick out the perfect beach hat:
- If you have a round face, select a hat with angular shapes, such as a fedora or a bucket hat with a wide brim.
- Go for a light-colored hat if you have light skin tones, while darker skin tones suit darker-colored hats
- Consider a beach hat with an adjustable strap if you plan on surfing or partaking in any other water activities
- Choose a hat that fits snugly on your head but isn't too tight surfer outfit
- Look for a hat made with lightweight breathable materials to keep you cool and prevent overheating
Wearing a hat on the beach can protect you from the sun's harmful rays while keeping your style game on point. So, next time you pack for a day of surfing, make sure to pack the perfect hat to complete your beach look.
Protective Wetsuits For Surfing
The Benefits Of Using Wetsuits For Surfing
Surfing is a thrilling water sport that offers an experience like no other. It allows you to feel the rush of the ocean and catch the best waves. However, not paying attention to safety while in the water can lead to dangerous situations.
That's why wearing protective gear like wetsuits is crucial for surfers. Here are some of the benefits of using wetsuits:
- Wetsuits keep you warm in cold water, allowing you to surf for longer
- They protect you from the sun's harmful uv rays, which can cause skin cancer surfer outfit
- Wetsuits offer a layer of protection against jellyfish, sea lice, and other stinging creatures
- They also provide buoyancy, making it easier for you to float and catch waves.
The Latest Trends In Wetsuit Designs For Surfers
Designers are always trying to make wetsuits more comfortable, flexible, and stylish for surfers. Here are some of the latest trends in wetsuit designs:
- Thinner and lighter materials that are still warm and flexible
- More stretchy neoprene to enhance mobility and comfort
- Sealed seams that minimize water entry surfer outfit
- Zip-free or back-zip wetsuits for easier entry and exit
- Customizable designs that allow you to express your personality.
Different Types Of Wetsuits For Different Types Of Surfing Activities
There are different types of wetsuits for different surfing activities. Here are some examples:
- Full wetsuits - cover your whole body, suitable for cold water surfing
- Short wetsuits - cover your torso and arms, suitable for warmer waters surfer outfit
- Spring suits - cover your torso and legs, suitable for moderate water temperatures
- Rash guards - offer sun protection and minimize skin irritation, suitable for warm to hot water temperatures.
Tips On How To Find The Perfect Wetsuit For You
Finding the perfect wetsuit is crucial for your comfort and safety while surfing. Here are some tips that can help you choose the right one:
- Check the water temperature of the surf spot you'll be visiting to determine the appropriate wetsuit thickness
- Try on different wetsuits and test their flexibility, comfort, and fit surfer outfit
- Make sure the wetsuit seals are tight enough to minimize water entry
- Consider the type of surfing activities you'll be doing and select the appropriate wetsuit type
- Look for wetsuits made with eco-friendly materials to reduce your environmental impact.
Wetsuits are an essential investment for surfers of all skill levels. By following these tips, you can find the perfect wetsuit for you and enjoy a safe and comfortable surfing experience.
Trending Sandals For The Beach
The Importance Of Comfortable And Stylish Sandals For The Beach
When it comes to enjoying a day at the beach surfing, you need to ensure that everything you wear is comfortable and functional. This rule also applies to your choice of sandals for the beach. So, invest in a good pair of sandals to complete your surfer outfit.
- Sandals are essential for protecting your feet from hot sand, sharp rocks, and shells.
- You will be walking around a lot, and comfortable sandals will keep your feet pain-free and prevent any injuries.
- Stylish sandals will help you complete the perfect beach look, and you can easily transition to a beach party without needing to change your footwear.
The Latest Trends In Beach Sandals For Surfers
Being on-trend is not just about your clothes; it's also about your footwear. So, make sure to choose the right beach sandals for your surfer outfit. Here are a few trending beach sandals for surfers:
- Slide sandals: A trendy slip-on sandal that is easy to wear and looks great with board shorts.
- Flip-flops: A classic style that pairs perfectly with any beach outfit.
- Water shoes: These shoes offer excellent traction and protect your feet from rocks and sharp objects while surfing.
Different Styles Of Sandals That Match Different Beach Outfits
Choosing the right sandal can make or break your outfit, but with so many styles to choose from, it can be overwhelming. Here are a few options based on the type of beach outfit you prefer:
- Board shorts and slide sandals: A sleek look for surfers that want to keep it simple.
- Swim trunks and flip-flops: A classic combination that never goes wrong.
- Wetsuits and water shoes: A practical combo that keeps your feet warm and provides excellent protection.
Tips On How To Choose The Perfect Sandals For The Beach
Choosing the right sandals for the beach is crucial for a comfortable and stylish beach look. Here are five tips to keep in mind when choosing your beach sandals:
- Look for sandals made with lightweight, breathable, and quick-drying materials such as rubber and neoprene.
- Choose a sandal with a sturdy sole that provides excellent support and traction.
- Make sure the sandal's fit is comfortable, and it doesn't rub or pinch in any places.
- Opt for neutral colors such as black or brown that pair well with any outfit.
- Prioritize comfort over style but choose sandals that match your style preferences.
Comfortable and trendy sandals are a crucial component of the perfect beach look. Whether you prefer flip-flops, slide sandals, or water shoes, there are many options available that suit different styles and preferences. Make sure to choose a pair that is comfortable, functional, and complements your beach outfit.
Beach Bags For Style And Convenience
Surfer Outfit: Top 10 Styles For The Perfect Beach Look
Although the beach is a place to unwind and relax, picking the right outfit is crucial, especially for surfers. A great outfit not only ensures comfort but also adds to the overall fun and excitement of hitting the waves. One item that deserves special emphasis is the beach bag.
Not only it adds to the overall look, but it is also an essential accessory. We'll take a closer look at beach bags for surfers, the latest trends, different types of beach bags, and tips on how to pick the best one for your beach accessories.
The Importance Of Beach Bags For Carrying Your Accessories
A high-quality beach bag makes a world of difference when it comes to transporting your essentials from one place to another. With the right beach bag, you can conveniently carry your suntan lotion, water bottles, surf wax, and towels. Beach bags are not only stylish but also practical.
They add an element of convenience to your beach experience, allowing you to keep your hands free while you explore the waves.
The Latest Trends In Beach Bags For Surfers
Beach bags come in different styles and designs. With an endless array of options available in the market, surfers can quickly get confused about the right bag to pick. However, on-trend styles for beach bags in 2021 include bags made from plastic, eco-friendly bags made from natural materials, and backpack-style beach bags.
These designs offer the right mix of style, convenience, and practicality.
Different Types Of Beach Bags That Suit Different Beach Outfits
Various beach bags suit different beach outfits. For example, if you are heading to the beach in your swimwear, a tote beach bag is an ideal choice. On the other hand, if you are wearing a casual outfit, a backpack-style bag will give a laid-back look.
Moreover, flat-bottom bags with more space are convenient for carrying other essential items. For formal beach events, cross-body beach bags suit well. With the right type of beach bag, you can effortlessly enhance your overall beach look.
Tips On How To Pick The Best Beach Bag For Your Beach Accessories
Picking the right beach bag can take your surf experience to the next level. Here are a few essential tips to keep in mind while choosing the right beach bag:
- Consider the size of the bag depending on the number and size of your beach essentials.
- Choose the right material for bags depending on your needs and preference. If you want to be eco-friendly, choose bags made of natural materials.
- Look for bags with different compartments and pockets, making it easy to organize your essentials.
- Pick a design and color that matches your style and outfit.
With these tips, you can easily pick a beach bag that gives you both style and convenience.
Beach bags are essential accessories for surfers, allowing them to conveniently carry their essentials while enjoying a great day at the beach. With the right beach bag, you can add to your overall surf experience, and with the above tips, you can easily pick the perfect one for yourself.
So, get ready to hit the waves with style and convenience with your perfect beach bag.
To sum up, a surfer outfit is not only about looking stylish but also about being functional and comfortable. It should be able to protect you from the sun, wind, and water, and also enhance your surfing experience. The key pieces of a perfect surfer outfit include a wetsuit or rash guard, board shorts, surf cap, and sunscreen.
It is also important to choose materials that are eco-friendly and ethically sourced. By investing in a high-quality surfer outfit, you can help to make your surfing experience more enjoyable, safer, and more sustainable. So the next time you hit the waves, make sure you have all the essential surf gear to look and feel your best, while also being eco-conscious. Happy surfing!
2023.05.28 07:42 DepressedQA Supplies for someone who is houseless in the summer
My partner and I have befriended a couple of folks who are houseless in our smallish town. I live on the same street as one of their grandparents, actually. In any case, they stop by every week and a half or so for cans and bottles (they're worth a lot where I live) and give them watesnacks. I've also given them coats, blankets, and socks in the winter, but I'm not sure what supplies could help them with dealing with the summer heat.
Some ideas I have include neck fans (but I'm concerned they won't be able to recharge them, though they're always welcome to use our outlets), a cooling blanket (they're light weight), and maybe some Hanes X-temp shirts because they're thin and cool. Both are men, if that makes a difference for recommendations.
I'm 8 years sober and know how much having a community can help make the darkest days a little brighter. I also hate the summer - especially around here where we'll have weeks in the 90s or even 100s - and if I can make it even a bit more tolerable for these guys, I'd like to, especially since heat can be dangerous.
Tl;dr: I need recommendations for supplies that will make houseless and car-less living in the summer heat more tolerable.
submitted by DepressedQA
to homeless [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 07:35 Fabulous-Implement41 The Culture of Autism
When I first really looked into the possibility of having autism and taking it seriously, I was told to come here to find like minded people. By the time I got diagnosis I was in the peak neurotypical people don't understand us phase. I was in the phase thinking autistic people are intrinsically different, unique.
But then I came on here and did my own research.
The next part comes on day one of the release of openai chat bot, the 3rd version. Within hours I was able to jailbreak it and make it make copies of itself. With all its copies I made it run a simulation 100,000 times about autism. It's results came out that there is a high correlation with a specific gene expression and in culture of low technology.
To me then I started to really understand maybe, just maybe, autism was needed in a hunter and gather society. For survival, the heightened sense of perception, and pattern recognition that gave us an edge when it came to surviving in that environment.
Then I started to think about the implications of neurotypicals. How the gene expression for being neurotypical is most likely associated with high levels of technology, or complex logistic chains, and or high society. NT's are able to go to work like hive minds and they for the most part can sustain this type of life style. Because if history has shown anything, civilization is always built on the back bone of slave labor, indentured servants, or cheap labor. Work that has to be done to keep the cogs of society running.
So then I wondered if there really is a difference between NT's and ND's. That at the end of the day, it just comes down to different gene expressions for different purposes.
But I come back to this reddit.
People have identified with autism so much that as it stands right now, it's become outside of what it is. It's become this unspoken institution justifying it's own existence through validation of mob mentality. That like any other religion, people will convey emotions of distress on here over the over expression of autism. That people will ask questions for confirmation biases, instead of falling back onto reason and logic. That in this age of political correctness and inclusiveness, to question the overreach of that culture that's become of autism is to be labeled a heretic, an ableist.
So I don't see a fundamental difference between autistics and NT's like I used to. It seems like humans in general are keen to mob mentality, to over culturing a matter of fact into this self confirming bias that we create an informal religion out of. That anyone questioning that paradigm is a heretic. That the evils done to us by the NT's, the discrimination, is done back to others that do no blindly accept the accepted paradigm. We all think there are external enemies that we need to conquer. That in our strife to create a better world for our problems, we become the civilizing heroes. But it's a trick played to us by our primitive minds in believing that we are morally superior than the other side. But there is no other side. It's just us against us. It's the masses of blind men bowing their heads down without questioning why they're bowing in the first place.
submitted by Fabulous-Implement41
to autism [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 07:24 harmonyjewl I redesigned Akane (OC)
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I made a post about any changes you'd make to any characters, and a lot of suggestions were give women pants or muscles. A major one in that was Akane submitted by harmonyjewl to danganronpa [link] [comments]
Cmthe changes I made were more than just giving her pants and a ponytail though.
First off: Her specialty is parkour, which requires a lot of upper body strength so I bulked up her arms, but it's also a log of running so I bulked up her legs. Doing any gymnastics would be annoying with long hair not tied back so I have her a ponytail.
I took her backstory into account as well
Instead of the super tight shirt that is holding on for dear life I gave her an oversized men's dress shirt. You can get those at convenience stores in some Japanese cities so I figured it would be a cheap shirt for her to grab. Track pants are also pretty cheap.
I gave her a sports bra to wear underneath as well because doing athletics with uncomtained large breasts sounds like a nightmare on the back
2023.05.28 07:20 KingoftheRednecks The Void Hunt ch 2
Mogan was more than a little woozy after repeatedly toasting his deal with the two ladies. Shidhu had an interesting taste to it, but it was also strong. The San had alcohol, but fermenting berry juice or birch sap was a long procedure and took a lot of work and space. There had never been much to drink, and what they had wasn't nearly so strong.
They had also never needed an antidote for alcohol, while those who had alcohol had seen all its dangers many times over. A fizzing, nasty-tasting drink—once the women had left--had his head clear within minutes, and he walked easily, and steadily, out of the bar.
The bar did not look like the kind of drinking establishment that would be favored by the custom of a man who owned and commanded a ship three kilometers long. It was, to put it bluntly, a dive, the kind of place that the constables avoid. The Tortuga was the kind of place where an enterprising individual could buy weapons that weren't normally allowed on Haitac Station, or drugs that weren't allowed, or discrete passage on a ship if he needed to leave in a hurry. It was not the kind of place to bring the family, or a lover, or anybody who was not engaged in activity that was illegal or close to it.
Technically, Mogan could hire whoever he wanted, but since the companies that Races-through-the-Marshes and Wakawa ran had a somewhat... checkered... history, they generally preferred to stay where they could make an easy escape.
Then again, Mogan didn't look like the kind of man who owned a three-kilometer ship. Or commanded, at least; ownership was in the name of the San tribe. Mogan wore a loincloth, a strip of material about three meters long and a tenth as wide, wound between his legs and around his waist for a snug fit. Once upon a time these were doeskin, soft and supple, but nobody but his own tribe within a few thousand light-years had ever seen a doe, or tanned a hide.
His leggings were of tougher material, fringed to help keep the rain off, and his shoes were of a softer sole than most wore. Most Sylfa, at least; many species went barefoot. A tunic of the same material covered his torso down to his hips, likewise fringed. Like the loincloth, these were once deerskin, and in the cold he would wear a heavier coat over it. These were colored and patterned like leather, but he couldn't even identify the material. Softer than leather, it was tougher as well, and a few controls from the pad in his left hand could even make it as warm or as cool as he liked.
The latter was standard for most clothing, protecting from all but the most extreme temperatures, but the rest looked as primitive as it did before his tribe had ever seen a ship.
A rod was tucked into his belt on the left side, bent slightly back. At one end was a hand grip, with straps looped to fit two fingers into, and on the other end was a beautifully-carved ibex,with its horns forming a small but dull hook to the weapon. The atlatl could hurl a spear twice as far or more, and with almost exponentially more force, but Mogan carried no spears.
He did once, in a quiver made of birch-bark, with the bottom third of the spears covered and the feathered ends sticking over his head, but by now the weapon was more a mark of office than a tool he used. Back in those days it was tucked into the right side, in easy reach of his throwing hand, but no more. On the right, it would have gotten in the way of the laser pistol in its low holster on his right hip.
Most people who carried a rifle or pistol either wore or carried a targeting monocle, a lens that would adjust for moving targets and tell the shooter where to aim, but the San needed no such thing, neither the expense nor the time the device took to find a solution and adjust.
The humans were unique in this.
On his cheek was a mark; a simple tattoo, of only two lines in a pattern like an inverted y, the mark of his tribe. He was of average height and build, with brown hair and eyes, skin bronzed from many different winds and many different suns, but among the two thousand people of the San he was high chieftain. And captain, soon.
Mogan continued to walk up the wide hallways, avoiding the central areas, until he spotted the old man. A small wave, and he turned to head that way.
Shett was once one of the Yil, the hereditary nobility of the Sovereignty. The Yil were untouchable within the Sovereignty, able to do as they wished to such an extent that only protection a citizen had was the possible protection of another Yil. Rather than Yil Shett, the man was now simply Shett, a citizen of the Confederated Settlements. And a traitor as far as the Sovereign was concerned, almost certainly.
Yil Shett had been a wise man with a sharp mind, but a little more than heavyset, nearly locked into his office by duty and stress. Now the man was whipcord-thin, typical of the Sylfa, walking easily. Defecting from the Sovereignty had meant giving up unimaginable wealth—the man had literally owned three planets—but it had clearly been a good thing for him.
The Sylfa waved an arm to make sure Mogan saw him, and tapped a panel on the wall. “Good evening, Captain.”
Mogan shrugged a little. It was “evening” in the sense that they were nearing the end of the cycle, but on the station there was no difference between night and day. Haitac was in orbit around a star, so they didn't even have the shadow of the planet to contend with. But the lack of sun and moon often threw off his mental sense of time, and the twenty-hour day did not help.
“Whatever it is at the moment,” he chuckled, “I hope it goes well for you.” The walls of the station had rails near the ceiling. Hanging from them was something that looked more like saddles on cords, so that nearly any creature could sit on them, extending from beams. Some species had tails, after all, and sitting on a bench was uncomfortable for them at best.. The beams moved swiftly down the corridors, an important feature in a station that was mostly corridor.
Haitac Station was part dock, part shipyard, part admiralty court, part military base, and part entertainment complex. The court could be centralized, and was. The military was as centralized as it could be, although patrols also kept the peace in the rest of the station. The entertainment could be centralized, but for some reason was not, with bars and brothels and hotels and sports complexes and libraries and theaters of various kinds in odd and unlikely places. The docks and shipyards could not be. The dreadnoughts that were the backbone of any fleet were four kilometers long, and some were as much as twice that. A massive tanker or cargo hauler could be four or five times as long, and the end result was that the ships needed a great deal of room between each dock. In addition, since it was partly military, sponsored by the Settlements, there were areas, such as the one they were bound to now, that were not open to the general public.
Mogan climbed onto one of the saddles, and Shett onto another. The average Sylfa was about a head taller than a human, but about two-thirds the weight. An evolutionary past that stayed in the trees for longer granted them a lighter build than humans, and six limbs compared to humanity's four, but they could not walk as well as humans.
Then again, nothing could. Nor did any species, sapient or not, hold the endurance that humans had. The Sylfa could scramble up surfaces with an ease that astounded humanity, leap over a human's head from a standing start, and sprint nearly twice as fast, and others like the Shawing could move even faster over a short distance, but nothing matched a human over long distances.
Mogan had carried a Sylfa once, as he ran, but that was his woman, not a friend. Instead, he held to the saddle as the beam returned to the rails at the upper edge of the wall. It adjusted to their heights by simply changing the length of the cords. The Zerda came no higher than his knee for a tall one, while the Mantu were easily three times his height, so very few affairs were one-size-fits-all measures... another difference from the Sovereignty.
The beam rose into the air, moving along the ceiling at a place slightly faster than Mogan could sprint. Up ahead of them a light indicated a spot where they could make the beams lower to the floor again, but they were going well beyond that point. A small field in front of them kept the wind of their passage from getting too bad.
Mogan was familiar with hard light shields, since every ship had them, but he did not think this was hard light. Hard-light was impossible to make without Reagnium-80. Considering every single interplanetary vessel needed a supply of it and its relative rarity, Reagnium-80 was so valuable that the Settlements used it as the value standard for their currency. There were thousands of these beams, all throughout the station. Not only would they have had to spend an obscene amount to make them, but anything that valuable would have been stripped out and stolen within days... cycles, here.
Shett nodded in reply. “We got news not long ago of a large battle at Manna-6. Ground battle. Our forces were outnumbered about half-again-to-one, but it was a heavy victory.”
Mogan nodded and relaxed, thinking. In a sense, this war was his fault.
Two years ago, he had been little more than a shaman of a small village, of a small tribe, on his homeworld—and on the entire planet, only he had understood even the concept of a homeworld. The term the Sovereignty used for the tribe's introduction to the greater galaxy was “upliftment.” Mogan didn't like it; it implied that he was somehow below the others, raised to true sapience by their own beneficence.
Perhaps every “upliftment” had an ulterior motive, but that of the San certainly had. Mogan did not regret his actions on Noepe; he had saved the lives of men and women breaking the law to survive, shot and stabbed a great many people enforcing what was in truth simple tyranny, and electrocuted the governess who had arranged for his woman to be marooned. No, he still looked upon their mission with pride, but one of the Yils had arranged it themselves, as a pretext to invasion. The few who know of humanity knew that Yil Shett had been a friend and advocate for the species, and the many who knew of Yil Shett knew that he had given up his titles and lands and betrayed the Sovereignty to join the Settlements.
Shett tapped a button on the saddle, and as the next light showed ahead the beam lowered to the floor so they could climb off. It wasn't far from here, and they could walk. They did so, for about two hundred yards before they came to a window.
“There's your dock,” Shett said. “I suppose I could have made a holo easy enough, but I thought your first look at her should be with your own eyes.”
Windows were more common in the public areas, where diners—or guests in the more expensive hotels—could look out on the void, and rarer in the corridors that were mostly just for reaching ships with crew or passengers or supplies. Mogan stepped out to this one, looked out over the dockyards, and stared, mesmerized.
submitted by KingoftheRednecks
to HFY [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 07:13 HuntVisual found ts on that chinese app you see advertised everywhere 😭
2023.05.28 06:44 iloveitalodance WIBTA if I got an outside lock for my bedroom?
Hey Reddit. Sorry if this is worded weirdly. I only scroll so I don’t really know how this thing works. I, (18 FTM and closeted), recently started moving into a new home with my family. My mom, (48 F), is your average conservative Christian. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but the way she treats me and my interests sometimes pisses me off. I have a memory of her throwing away band shirts that I PAID FOR because they were “too satanic”. I’ve had to hide CDs from her (she ripped up a nirvana one I had), and hide various personal things too. She asks me why I’m so closeted and don’t talk to her but whenever I talk about ANY of my interests she gives me weird looks and always comments on them. For a little more context, I’m autistic and talking about my hyperfixations/special interests is one of my ways to connect with people and cope.
One of my current hyperfixations is One Piece. I have figures, (that I have to hide), posters, keychains, shirts, you name it i have it.
Now to the main point. I recently got a poster that’s from the Dressrosa arc that has a character with a bikini top on, a skeleton, and like 2 men with their chests out lol. My mom saw it and went absolutely crazy. She immediately started berating me, telling me to put it away and that she doesn’t wanna see it because she “feels Satan when she looks at it”. She told me it “makes her upset”. To put it short, she told me she’d throw it away if I didn’t roll it up and put it away somewhere. I’ll drop a photo of the poster if you guys want. I honestly don’t wanna put it away because I was really excited to buy it and unwrap it to put on my wall. One piece is really comforting for me and when I watch it i forget about every bad thing happening around me.
Here’s where I could be the asshole if I proceed. I’m thinking of getting a lock or at least an outside key,(i can lock my door from the inside but not out), so I can lock my door. I don’t want her going through my stuff. She’s done this for years and she’s betrayed me and completely broken my trust multiple times. I buy these things with my own money and go to work. Would I be wrong if I wanted to keep my room private? Am I just being disrespectful? I need outside opinions on this.
Edit: the lock I want to get isn’t exactly a lock, we moved into a town home so I can’t install any new knobs or anything crazy. I want to get a key to lock the door from the outside. Sorry for not specifying
submitted by iloveitalodance
to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 06:40 BushyHairBandit My dad is being creepy and idk what to do
(I’m 19F) I’ve already made a post before about how my dad stares at me for long amounts of time and smiles at me in a creepy way. He wants me to give him attention and talk to him about his day, be interested in his work, and spend a lot of time with him. And when I don’t do it enough, he gets mad and says I’m making him feel like he doesn’t matter. It seems like he should be getting that kind of attention from his wife, right? It’s so icky…
Lately he’s been trying to sneak up near my door and try to open it silently in the morning when I’m changing. If the door is locked, he slides a card between the wall and the door to quietly open it so I don’t notice. The other day, I locked my door to change and go shower and when I came out of the bathroom I found my door open. I wonder if he has seen me change already and I just didn’t notice.
This is the reason my boyfriend (19M) doesn’t visit my house anymore. The first time he was in my room (we were just sitting on my bed, not doing anything inappropriate) my dad tried to silently walk up to my door so we wouldn’t hear him coming then turned the doorknob. After he realized it was locked he started banging on it. When I opened the door and saw how angry he was, I got a trauma response from the times he used to break into my room and physically assault me. So I closed the door and shoved my bookcase in front of it to keep him from entering. My brain was in fight or flight mode and the only thing on my mind was stopping him from entering my room. My boyfriend finally opened it. After that day my mom accused me of trying to hide something from them and banned my boyfriend from my room. The second time he came over, he stayed in the kitchen and made tacos while I stayed in my room. When he was in the bathroom, my dad thought he went to my room and silently tried to open the door again. He just saw me gaming on my pc (my bf wasn’t even there) and when I caught him peeking through the crack he closed my door. I was so creeped out. Is he desperately looking for an opportunity to find me naked??
Today i went outside to the patio to play with my cat while I was wearing just leggings and a sports bra. I don’t normally dress like that around him but I thought it was fine bc I was going outside. Then he came outside, saw my outfit, and asked me if I was going swimming or going to the gym. I said I was going running later. THEN HE TAKES OUT HIS PHONE AND TAKES A PICTURE OF ME. I felt so gross and I was in shock. I tried to think “maybe he was taking a photo of my cat” just to rationalize what just happened. When I came back inside and sat on the stairs, I could see what he was doing on his phone over his shoulder. He cropped the photo of me to just my outfit, saved it, and then sent it to someone. Then he walked up to me and told me that I need to put on a shirt before I go running. (note that I never said I was leaving the house like that!!!!) He said that my outfit would attract the wrong kind of attention from men and that it’s not a good look. I looked into his eyes to watch what he was looking at during the conversation. He kept looking at me up and down. I was so embarrassed and I was trying to cover my cleavage with my arms as he was talking. I was trying not to cry. He has never made comments about my clothes like this before. The only thing that’s changed is that my boobs grew a little while I was away at college so my sports bra fits differently. I asked him why he took a picture of me. He said “to send to your mom. We are both concerned about you as your parents and have to make certain decisions.” I have left the house to avoid my parents and have been crying all day.
(Edit: forgot to mention that today he had the nerve to ask me why I look at him like I’m afraid of him!)
I’ve always gotten icky feelings from being around my dad, and he confirmed my gut feelings when he called me attractive one time in January before I left for spring semester. Now he is blatantly sexualizing me. The thought of my dad staring at my boobs has made me want to throw up all day. I thought about telling a family member but I doubt anyone who knows him in person would believe me. I’m worried his behavior might get worse and I don’t know what to do.
Another edit: forgot to mention that his age is 73
submitted by BushyHairBandit
to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 06:34 bimbo_wannabe_ [I Accidentally Joined The Mafia In South Brooklyn] Chapter 5: The Dead Are Especially Nosy Down Here
| || | submitted by bimbo_wannabe_ to redditserials [link] [comments]
Previous Part: https://www.reddit.com/redditserials/comments/13sxdo9/i_accidentally_joined_the_mafia_in_south_brooklyn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
These last few parts have taken a lot longer for me to write than I thought. A lot of shit has gone down in the last two months, and a lot of it, frankly, is kind of a blur. But I figure, if you've stuck with me this long, then you deserve to know how it all ended up so I'm going to try my best to remember every detail of what happened.
Me? I've spent every free hour I've had, just lying in bed. I've got a lot of healed wounds that still hurt me pretty damned badly.
Blood loss from multiple gunshot wounds and then drowning in the East River, dying and then being brought back while still human, incidentally, takes a lot out of a guy.
But… I'm getting way ahead of myself.
Where were we, again?
Oh yeah, that's right. The funeral without caskets, inside of a Ukrainian restaurant just off the boardwalk in Brighton Beach. That's where I left off at.
Antoni's corpse and I had spoken together for a while longer, about Beccs and their baby, actually, sitting there in the floor in front of the three empty bathroom stalls. The next moment, as usual, he was… just gone.
It took a while to slow the bleeding, and it took even longer to try and clean myself up with just hand soap and paper towels and the water from the sink. Nobody came into the bathroom again, and as I left, I saw why. There was a sign on the door that read 'Out of Order' with something printed below it in Cyrillic that I imagined probably said the same thing as the English.
My new winter coat had been left on the floor in front of the door and the Emergency Exit at the end of the hall had its alarm disabled and had been left propped open with a brick.
I took that as a clear message that they didn't want me rejoining the party, so I exited into the alley and sat on a milk crate chain-smoking until 2 PM when the funeral ended.
The weather app on my phone said it was 10 degrees outside, but oddly enough the cold air felt soothing on my bruised face. My eyes were nearly swollen shut, and every now and again I had to pull some of the toilet paper out that I'd stuffed in my pocket to wipe another trickle of blood from my nose when I sniffed a little too hard and moved the clots loose.
At 1:57, I started to hear people exiting the restaurant, so I moved onto the sidewalk to wait for Becca. The people leaving the funeral only glanced at me for a second and then looked away with a bored expression, like I wasn't even there. Finally, only Becca and Toni's immediate family were still inside.
Tatiana gave Becca a hug, Igor, a gentle handshake, and Antoni Sr. bent down, cupped his hands around Becca's face and pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead. I could see that his right hand was bandaged and he was holding it straighter than his left. Good. I hoped the fucker had broken it when he'd punched me in the jaw.
As Becca exited, I could tell she was angry even before she stomped over to me and shoved me three times in quick succession. Like Jimmy, Becca was a lot stronger than she looked, but now I knew why. I couldn't do much but ball up and take the hits.
"Where the fuck did you go? You just took off and left me there by myself. 'He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye if he had a choice.' You knew, you cocksucker, you knew, you knew he was dead!"
"Yeah, I knew! Antoni was in the news. But we gotta get the fuck out of here, Beccs, you're making a scene, another one, and I gotta get outta this neighborhood before something worse
happens to me."
The high color of anger in her cheeks dropped away immediately into a pallid white. She'd been so pissed she'd never once registered the state of my face.
"Jesus Christ, Tony, what the fuck happened to you?"
"Your little Polish sausage's Daddy Dearest just beat the fuck out of me in the men's bathroom, that's what the fuck happened."
"Why would he do that?" Becca asked, but I didn't answer. She looked back to Skovorodka, following my gaze. Antoni Sr. was still standing there, just inside the front door, watching me with narrowed eyes, his hands folded neatly behind his back like a soldier at ease. It reminded me a lot of how Antoni used to stand while we were waiting for the train together.
"Fuck," she muttered, then "Shit," and grabbed me by the arm. "Come on."
"Why would he do
that?" She asked me again as we climbed the stairs to the train platform.
"Antoni was Mob, Becca, Bratva
. His whole goddamned family is. Him and his brothers and his father and his fucking Russian uncle, and I'd say your Mama Tatiana probably isn't in the dark about what her brother and her hubby and his sons do to make a living, either. I don't know why the Zabrowskas were on the Avenue, but suffice to say it was probably for nefarious reasons, and Jimmy found out about it and took care of business.
"Only I don't think he realized exactly who he was taking out at the time he did it, or else he never would have put the body in the River for somebody to find. And then the other three showed up to avenge their brother, only two of 'em never made it past Bianchi any farther than Antoni did."
"The fuck are you trying to say?" Her tone says she already understands just fine and doesn't want to.
"I'm saying your dear sweet Mamma killed your boyfriend, Becca. She removed all the identifying marks from his body, ate what she wanted, then pulled all his teeth out and chewed off his hands and his feet. They dumped the body in the East River and they found him about 5 days ago, floating off of Battery Park."
"Oh God. That's why. I asked Tatiana where Antoni was going to be buried and she told me in the public cemetery on Hart Island. They're not claiming the body because they don't wanna go to the cops. For the last week I been cussing him for everything he was worth, and he's been laying in the fucking morgue." She pressed her hand to her mouth, and I saw her bloodshot eyes filling with tears again.
don't cry, Becca, cause I'm gonna start crying again and I've cried enough for today."
She sniffed back her tears and swallowed hard.
"But I don't understand, Tony, what the fuck does that have to do with you?"
"They knew, Beccs, they knew how the Zabrowskas died, who killed them, and they knew I helped Moretti get rid of the bodies afterwards. That's why Antoni's father went after me. The uh… the fucking Pakhan
thought Jimmy sent me there to rub it in their faces that they weren't going to be able to bury any of their boys."
"How the fuck would they know that?" She barked at me.
"Somebody's feeding them information and not some asshole on the street, somebody from inside
"Who would do that?"
I saw her eyes darting about wildly as she tried to think of the answer to her own question.
"I don't know, uh, the driver that brought Moretti, he didn't look like he was too fond of Bianchi, maybe he's a fucking option."
"Frankie? I mean, him and Ma have never gotten along. He's never liked her and the feeling's mutual but… that doesn't make any sense, Frankie's always been loyal to the Camorra. Rossi always said he practically muttered the Omerta
in his fucking sleep, that he was a soldato
down to the bones."
"I have no idea, Becca, but it gets worse," I said quietly. If it didn't hurt so goddamned bad, I would've squeezed my eyes shut.
"How the fuck could it possibly get worse
"First you gotta promise you're not gonna hit me again."
Her hand balled into a fist, and I couldn't help but flinch.
"I'm gonna knock you the fuck out right now if you don't stop wasting my time, Cipriani."
"I sold her out, Becca. Bianchi. I told them where she lives and how to find her tonight."
"I had to! He was gonna cut my fucking fingers off, and I don't know if he was going to take all four or just three but I wasn't about to fucking find out. I kind of need those fingers seeing as I'm a fucking southpaw!"
I held my left hand out to her, curled my fingers inward, but the third finger just… stayed straight. "Ah, fuck, I didn't even notice that."
"Jesus Christ, the tendon's been cut," she whispered, and when she pressed her hand to her mouth again she looked less like she was swallowing back tears and more like she was trying to swallow back vomit. I couldn't really blame her. I felt pretty nauseous myself.
"You know, I'm, I'm not worried about Ma," she said, finally. "It wouldn't be the first time somebody's tried to take her out. She's harder to kill than they think."
"Would, uh, would cutting her head off work? Cause if so I think they're already pretty aware of how to get the job done. They… they know Bianchi's not human, Becca."
Her face got paler, if that was even possible, and her eyes were the size of saucers.
"This is a goddamn nuclear disaster. Jesus fuck."
We stood the last few minutes waiting for the train in silence. As the doors slid shut and we sat down, Becca began laughing wildly.
"So you're in hysterics for real, huh?" I asked.
"You're gonna have to forgive me, I'm a little slow on the uptake today, but I just got it, Polish sausage… only, he wasn't little, you know, he was hung like a fucking horse, and it's a goddamn tragedy for women everywhere that the man isn't on this earth anymore. And he knew how to use it, too. Best sex I ever had in my life… only sex I ever had in my life, but that's not the fucking point." A short, barking sob tore out of her.
I groaned. "You know, that is way, way more information than I ever wanted to know about you and Antoni's sex life. You couldn't, uh, you couldn't let that one pass by, huh?"
"I never pass up the opportunity to make a good dick joke. And he had Good Dick."
I laughed and regretted it as it tightened muscles in my stomach that were still a little angry about being used as Antoni Sr's personal punching bag.
"Touché, Miss Rebecca, touché."
"The two-faced bastard, I gotta give the motherfucker that much, you know, it's a uniquely personal way to say Fuck You to the Underboss, getting his teenaged daughter pregnant. I am so, so goddamned tired of being a pawn in other people's games. He's lucky he's already dead or I'd kill the bitch myself," she whispered.
"It wasn't a game, Becca, what happened between you and Antoni," I whispered back. I knew because Antoni's corpse had told me as much. "Don't ask me how I know, cause I don't wanna talk about it, but it wasn't a game. You didn't know about him and he didn't know about you and it was a big, fucked up coincidence. You loved him, and he really, truly
loved you... he worshiped the ground you walked on." Actually, he had said he worshiped the boots she walked in, but I figured it was a translation issue. "It was a regular old Romeo and Juliet: Brooklyn Edition."
She squeezed her eyes shut, snorted and at the same time choked on another sob.
"Yeah, but Romeo and Juliet ended in a double suicide, not a murder and a single mother." Her tiny hand went to her mouth again, and she wasn't able to hold back the tears this time. "I miss him, Tony, I miss him so fucking much."
"You know, Beccs, I miss him, too." I miss him when he was alive
, not looking like a walking nightmare, and talking my goddamned ear off half the time, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "He was the first friend I made down here."
"It's fucking stupid. I still remember every single thing he said to me those first few times I met him."
"Odd as it is, I do too, Beccs. He was that kind of guy, I guess, he didn't have to work hard to make an impression on people. It was, uh, three days after I moved in, I think. I was in the basement, getting ready to do my laundry that morning, fighting with the stuck knob on that machine down at the end? And he walks in with his clothes basket balanced on his hip and reaches past me and just… turned the fucking thing, like it wasn't even stuck to begin with. 'It has an attitude, but it likes me,' he says, and I say, 'I can see that.'
"And he, he told me his name. 'Zabrowska,' he says, 'Antoni.' And I laughed and said, 'Nice to meet you, Toni, I'm Tony.' 'Really?' he says, and I say 'Yeah. Really. Antonio Alessio Gioele Cipriani, the third, if you please.'"
"Goddamn, that name is painfully Italian. No wonder you tell everybody 'Just call me Tony,'" Becca snorted.
"Thank you, Miss Rebecca, I can assure you I didn't pick it myself. But, 'Ah,' Toni says and kind of taps his hand in the center of his chest, 'Junior.' And I laughed again and said 'Our parents were goddamned creative when it came to the baby naming, right?' And he laughed, too, and shook my hand.
"And uh, a few days after that he showed up outside of my apartment and asked me if I wanted to go watch a game with him and his brothers at the sports bar down the street. It was Poland vs Korea. I still don't know shit about soccer, I've always been more of an American football kind of guy, but I did learn quite a few Polish swear words that day. Apparently they'd all bet money on the home team winning that game."
"I bet you did. Poland kept catching red cards that whole game. I bet on Korea, of course, and altogether I won 8 grand from four extremely pissed off Polish dudes when we stomped their ass all over the pitch. I had no idea how seriously the four of them took soccer. Antoni wouldn't even talk to me for three days. Probably didn't help I made an ass of myself laughing at all of them. Course, I woulda bet more if I'd known they were good for it. Dry cleaners, my ass," Becca spat.
"Well, in Antoni's defense, he probably did work at a dry cleaners like he told us, just like you work at a bodega, and Jimmy and me work at a restaurant, and Pops works at a hardware store. We all got day jobs. You know, I hate to bust your balls, Becca, but did it… never occur to you to ask Antoni if the tattoos meant something?"
"No," she said weakly. "I mean, I knew they were prison tats but Jesus Christ, half the people I know have been to prison. You've been to prison, half of my cousins have been to prison, hell, Pops has been to prison. You weren't here then, but all of 2016 to 2020 I was wearing a 'Free Rossi' t-shirt everyday, a lot of people in this neighborhood did. Ma got him off on the Murder 1 charges but numbers are numbers, and she couldn't get him out of the Tax Evasion. But I figured, if Antoni didn't wanna talk about it, then it was none of my business what had happened before we met each other."
She'd minded her own business a little too hard this time.
you and Antoni talk about, Becca?"
"Everything! And anything, and nothing, all at the same time. He'd complain about living with his brothers, about Misiu always leaving hair all over the bathroom, and how Ciech always left sugar all over the kitchen counter after he made his coffee. And I'd complain about having to pick up all the empty bottles of makgeolli
after my Dad in the morning. I'd help him wash all the dishes his dirty ass brothers would leave piled in the sink, and fold everybody's clothes.
"We got along well, me and Antoni, we were actually very compatible, we were both neat freaks when it came to our housekeeping. We even folded our towels the same way. And he'd bitch about how Igor could never balance the register correctly at the end of the day, and I'd bitch about how my Dad never checked our invoices correctly, and I was always having to cuss out the distribution reps for shorting us on our deliveries myself.
"And we'd watch TV together. He always made fun of me for the lame ass old Chuck Lorre sitcoms I loved to watch, and I'd make fun of him for all the stupid cop dramas he watched, every Law and Order known to man, and Blue Bloods and shit. We just… talked to each other, like we were two regular people, just living our lives. It was simple and it was easy, and it was enough
, it was goddamned enough
for me. Our relationship was the one normal
thing I had going in my fucked up life."
She cracked at the end, sobbing brokenly. She turned her head to the side, pressed her face into my bicep as she wrapped both arms around mine. Tears filled my eyes, as well, and now I was wiping snot out of my nose as well as blood. I felt goddamned sorry for the kid, and I felt like she had a right to cry, but I had to distract her, for my own sake.
"So tell me, when was the first time you talked to Antoni? Was that the same day he asked you out?"
"No, there was some time between the two. He'd been there about a week, I guess, after they moved in. They got there back in like April. I'd fucked with him the first day, you know, asked him where the hell the accent came from, and he said Poland, and I told him welcome to America cause I felt like being a dick. And he said that he'd already been in country five years and I laughed at him and told him, goddamn, I couldn't tell cause he still sounded like he was fresh off the boat. And he got this look on his face, like he was trying to decide if he needed to be offended or not, so I told him I was just fucking with him, that he was doing better than my Mom, God rest her, cause it was seven years after she got here from Seoul before she even learned a word of English and my Dad was the one that had to teach her."
"Makes sense. I moved in in June, Toni mentioned he'd only been in the building about two months hisself."
She nodded, I could feel the movement in the sleeve of my coat where her cheek was pressed to my arm.
"Him and his brothers started coming in every day after that and you know, I kind of had my eye on him from the first time I talked to him. He was goddamn gorgeous, quite literally the walking definition of 'tall, dark, and handsome.' He had those incredibly blue eyes, and that fucking accent, man, shit put me in knots everytime he came in. I learned them all pretty quick, and Antoni was easy. He got the same thing everyday, box of Newport 100s and a pack of Russian Cream Backwoods with a large slushy. You know I gotta keep the cups behind the counter because motherfuckers'll fill it up and walk out when I get busy. I saw him when he came in, and went over to the ATM, so I had his shit sitting on the counter waiting for him."
Becca had a talent for memorizing all of the regular's orders, it wasn't unusual to see a long line of cigarettes, blunts, medicine, sometimes even crack pipes and Chore Boys, and anything else she kept behind the counter, set up neatly next to the register. She also had a talent for running both registers at the same time when the line got overly long and she was there alone. Sometimes I had no idea how she kept up with it all, but that was just Becca.
"And this drunk asshole came in, right after, he didn't even belong in the neighborhood, he stayed in Bed-Stuy, but he was with his cousin, and his cousin I knew and he was shooting me apologetic looks so I was already on guard. I was in a bad goddamn mood that day, anyway. And the drunk bitch, he walked over to the bathroom and tried to open it."
"Key's behind the counter," I said, and she nodded.
"And the key costs five dollars cause people make a fucking mess in the bathroom and I ain't cleaning that shit everyday for free. Well, drunk fuck got pissed and started talking a bunch of shit and threw his five dollars down on the counter, and you know, I can't stand that. You don't throw money at me, I ain't a goddamned stripper, you can put that shit in my hand or you can get the fuck out my store. And, I said 'Naw, son, for you it's gonna cost ten, five dollar Drunk Dick surcharge for being an asshole and cutting my line.' And the motherfucker… he called me a fucking stupid little bitch, and he told me people like me needed to be sent back to my own country."
I made a sound of disapproval, already seeing where this was headed.
"I hate that stupid shit. Where the fuck am I getting sent back to? The fucking hospital in Manhattan where I was born? Everybody in the store just kind of stopped and stood there, and dude's cousin? He just shook his head at me and walked right out the store and left him there."
"He wasn't gonna get involved, huh?" I asked.
"Fuck no. He wasn't stupid. I… uh, I was seeing red by that point so I balled up his money and I threw it across the store and told him to get the fuck out. I don't even remember half the shit I said to him, but I was yelling and he was yelling back and all of a sudden Antoni was… just there. I never even noticed him walking up. He was a big motherfucker, but goddamn he was quick and quiet when he wanted to be."
Becca laced her fingers through the fingers of my right hand and I gave them a squeeze as she readjusted her head against my shoulder. I turned mine to press a kiss to her hair. She was short enough that I didn't have to worry about bumping my nose. As I turned back, I noticed that there was a puddle of water on the seat across from us, and a pit formed in my stomach immediately. My face felt cold as the blood drained from it. The puddle of water made me more than just a little nervous to see it.
I had new enemies stacking up quick, and the last thing I needed was a pissed off, jealous ghost because his grieving fiancée was getting a little handsy with me. But… Antoni never showed himself, so I could only assume he approved of my offering her comfort in her time of need. Either that or he was waiting till I was alone to express his displeasure.
"'Is there a problem here?' was all he asked and the drunk bitch turned around and he got even more pissed. He goes 'Man, fuck you, white boy. Mind your own goddamned business.' And Antoni kind of got in his face, and goes, 'I have made it my business. She told you to leave. Either remove yourself or I will remove you.'
"And the liquor must've given him a bigger set of balls than he actually had, cause he took a swing at him. And Antoni, he just kind of… leaned back a little to avoid the swing and then leaned back in and… he knocked that bitch out cold with one punch. And then he picked him up, literally picked him up, and threw his ass out on the sidewalk, and kind of dusted his hands off afterwards."
"Well, if he's anything like his father then he could throw a hell of a right cross."
Becca laughed weakly.
"Yeah, his Dad boxes, they all did, you know, from when they were young. Antoni told me he got in his Dad's face once when he was about 16, and Old Papa Zabrowska coldcocked him in the kitchen, and when he woke up on the couch, his Dad dragged him out back in the alley and beat him bloody. Told him if his little grown ass thought he was a man, then he was grown enough to get his ass stomped like a man."
That made me feel a little better, to be honest. At least I wasn't the only one I knew who had caught an ass kicking from Antoni Sr.
"I bet he didn't talk shit to his Pops again after that, huh?"
"I asked him that exact question, he said 'Oh no, no, never again. I learned my lesson.' Toni and his brothers, though, were always getting in fights, even when I knew them. He told me it was hard on their Mama, back in Kraków, having four hormonal, teenaged boys with just shy of a year between each of them, you know cause… us fucking Roman Catholics ain't too fond of any method of contraception."
"I didn't know you was Catholic, too, B."
"Of course. Rossi is a devout Catholic, and that's how he raised me, and Nia, she's an Angel, you know, a Fallen One, that's what they call themselves, but she's even got real wings. A little more leathery and less feathery, but… same thing. She goes to Mass daily, turns out demons are actually very religious. Both of my parents were atheists, and that's how they
raised me, but after some of the shit I've seen, you know, it ain't too unbelievable that there's a Big Guy upstairs."
She sniffed again, wiped at her nose and I offered her a bit of toilet paper from my pocket.
"That's how it all got started, the War in Heaven. God created Adam, the first living human body, and he told all the spirits in Heaven to kneel to him. And at least half of them weren't too fond of that idea, and the Morning Star stepped up as representative and said they wouldn't kneel to anyone but God. And they, uh, they lost the War, and He banished them all to Earth, to wander without bodies of their own while the other side got to come to Earth one at a time, to live their lives.
"But… then there was the first murder, Abel. Cain beat him to death with a rock, and the blood on the ground, the first human blood ever shed in violence, it called to God, but He wasn't the only one it called to. The blood, it gave him a way inside of a body. Lucifer. He was the First One. He's still here, you know, I've met him. He has a particular fondness for Nia, he calls her Young One, cause according to him 1607 wasn't all that long ago."
"I guess it isn't when you're that old."
"But, back to what I was saying about Toni, all of them were packed into one place together like fucking sardines, the four boys sharing one bedroom in a two bedroom apartment, and all having vastly different personalities. Tatiana is little, like me, and I don't imagine she could do much to break them up when they got to fighting about everything from who ate all the leftovers to who got the top bunks on the beds."
"Probably not," I answered.
"I mean, I could practically smell the testosterone in their fucking apartment whenever I walked in, and it was probably even worse back then. And apparently, that had been their Dad's method of keeping them from tearing up his wife's house all the time. Whenever a problem inevitably developed, he'd just take them down to the gym and throw them in the ring without any gloves and tell them to fucking handle it, and whoever was still standing at the end was the one that won the argument.
"Uh, but, uh, when Toni hit the guy, all, all I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open like a fucking fish. I mean, I was in love, right that fucking second, standing there. The hormones were running on overdrive, my head was practically spinning with how fast all the blood rushed south, you know? Everybody was still standing there and Antoni tried to get back in line and I said, 'Uh-uh. Take your shit and go on.' And he goes," Beccs began laughing again, laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes once more.
"He goes, 'Am I in trouble?'''
I had to wrap my left arm tight around my stomach because I couldn't stop myself from laughing either. The makeshift bandage on my left hand that I'd wound out of paper towel had soaked through, I was going to have to change it soon.
"He didn't say that, Becca."
"Yes the fuck, he did. And I went, 'No, you dumbass, it's on the house, and in case I gotta translate, that means it's free. Small price to pay for a security detail.' And he just kind of blinked at me for a second, before he nodded his head and grabbed his things off the counter, went and filled his slushy up."
"You probably scared the piss out of him for that second, he probably thought he'd been found out. That's what they call it, what he was, Obshchak
, Security Group."
"He stopped before he left, and told me thank you. And I said 'No, dziękuję
', thank you
. And then I winked at him and said 'Miłej nocy, piękna.
'" She straightened up as the train began to slow for our stop.
"And what did that mean?"
"Have a good night, gorgeous." She said with a watery grin.
"Smooth, B, real smooth. Nothing quite like hitting on a man in his native language. "
"I mean, you know us, Tony, we got Southern Hospitality down here. As long as you're not an asshole, I do everything I can to make sure everyone feels welcome when they come inside. That's why there's a sign on the door that says 'DMZ.' They might have beef on the streets but don't nobody take that shit inside my store. And that means asking the Mexicans down the street if they need a bolsa
, and making sure I ordered Farid's miswaks
so he didn't have to walk all the way down to the Pakistani store, and sometimes it means learning a little bit of Polish so I could flirt with the new guy downstairs the next time he came in."
We exited the train, made the switch, and stood on the platform waiting for the next to take us back to Avenue U. As I glanced to the side, I could see a puddle forming on the platform next to me, drip by drip. It was already freezing around the edges. As it turned out, I wasn't the only nosy fuck around here.
"And apparently the flirting was well received by our dearly departed half-Russian friend."
"Apparently, cause about a week later I was having a busy fucking Friday night and my Dad had already gone home, and I was trying to shut her down but motherfuckers kept coming inside right up until 11. I made DeAndre from downstairs stand at the door and tell people we were closed and that he was the last customer for the night and after I rung him up I told him to flip the sign on the door and I'd lock it when I finished my cigarette count… only, I forgot to ever lock it, and DeDe's traitorous ass, he fucking set me up. He knew I had a thing for Antoni, and when he saw him coming down off the platform and rushing down the sidewalk, he let him in and told him he was the last customer for the night and to flip the sign on the door."
She closed her eyes for a moment.
"It took me… exactly 16 minutes to notice he was there. I know, cause after I was done pissing
myself when I figured out I wasn't alone, the Polish smart-ass showed me his watch. He'd set a timer when he realized I wasn't paying any attention to him, and then just stood there, waiting to see how long it would take. I had my earphones in, and it took four songs," she held up her hand and ticked them off with her fingers. "'Savage Like', 'Money, Sex, Drugs', 'Proud' and 'Only.'
"I turned around and screamed like a little bitch when I saw him. And then I got pissed, cause I was embarrassed, I'd been singing along to all the songs cause I thought I was alone in the store. I started screaming at him. 'What the fuck, you can't read? The sign says Closed.' And he goes 'No, it didn't. It still said Open. I turned it myself.' I hadn't counted down my register yet, so I just went ahead and grabbed his shit and rung him up, cussing DeDe the whole time and I asked him how long he'd been standing there, and he showed me his watch. And he says, 'You shouldn't wear those, it's dangerous,' talking about my headphones, and I said, 'What are you, my fucking father?' And he got kind of a funny look on his face."
I released a weak snicker, holding my stomach tight again. I couldn't resist fucking with them both a little bit.
"He kinda had a point, Becca. Although, I can tell you he was probably less concerned about being your father and more concerned about becoming your Daddy."
"Oh, so now you
got the dirty jokes," Becca said flatly.
"What can I say, B, you're a bad influence on me."
"Eh," she said after a moment, "You wouldn't be the first. You know, months later he told me that he'd stood there that long because he didn't think he'd have the nerve to ask what he wanted to ask the next time if he left, which, you know, what the fuck? What am I, scary?"
I couldn't help but laugh again.
"Yes, Becca, you are, you're fucking terrifying half the time. You might be a short fuck but dynamite comes in small packages, you know? He was probably afraid you'd tell him to suck your dick and ban him from the store for a month like every other poor motherfucker I've seen ask you out, and he probably didn't want to go through your particular brand of ridicule in front of an audience, on top of that, with all the other customers laughing him out of the store."
"It ain't my fault I'm this size," she said after a moment, shooting me a perturbed look.
"No shit, Sherlock. It's genetics."
"It ain't even that. It's the blood. I mean, my parents were both tall, you know, for Koreans, anyway, my Mom was 5'6. I probably would've been too if I'd had the chance, but, you know, the blood it… stops things. Why do you think Jimmy looks the way he does? I mean, Pops believes in 'aging gracefully,' as he says, but old Giacomino is a vain fuck, and he's got more of a taste for 'the Stuff' than Rocco ever had. He turned 65 this year, he's only two years younger than Pops, he was already 34 years old when he met Nia for the first time. He tells people he's got a good plastic surgeon, when they ask. And the same thing happened to me. My body wanted to stay 8 years old, forever.
"Rossi had to get hormones, fucking estrogen and progesterone and HGH, off the black market to force my body to start puberty and to fucking grow. It's not like we could go to a doctor and explain why I needed the prescription. I mean, these tits aren't even mine. Ma bought 'em for my sixteenth birthday so I wouldn't feel so goddamned self-conscious. Nia's not exactly flat-chested, as you know, neither was my Mom, and it kind of gave me a fucking complex when I was growing up."
"I mean, is she? I haven't really noticed," I replied, evasively.
"Yes, you have, you lying fuck. There isn't a straight or bisexual man, or a lesbian or bisexual woman for that matter, that comes within fifty feet of Appolonia Bianchi that doesn't notice all of her unnatural charms. It made for some interesting 'family' trips during the summer when we'd leave the city, lemme tell you. I asked Pops once, you know, if he ever got jealous when she'd show up with some random dick she'd run across, cause I used to think it was pretty shitty of her.
"I said she could've at least kept things on the downlow and not throw it in Rocco's face every few days. But he told me no, he loved her, he understood her nature very well and he'd accepted what she was years before I was even born, and that she loved him too, and more importantly, respected him. She always introduced the men to him because that was what he'd asked of her. That it was the one aspect of control he had in the situation, giving his 'permission' for her little liaisons. That it made him feel better to let them know they might be getting a piece, but she'd be ending every night lying in his bed, regardless of what they did."
I nodded. "I guess I can kind of see his point."
"But, the blood, that's how I ended up pregnant. I mean, I'm not a dumbass, I know how babies are made, but I wasn't worried about using condoms with Antoni, neither of us wanted to. I told him if he gave me anything I'd cut his dick off, and he knew I was serious, too, and he considered it a proportional response. I didn't even think I could
"I stopped the birth control when I was 16 because it was making me gain weight and my cheer coach bitched me out in front of fucking everybody, and Rossi's guy said I needed to keep taking it to keep my hormone levels even. So I told Antoni I didnt want to get into my medical history, but suffice to say I was probably fucking sterile anyway, so he didn't have to worry about it, and he told me he wasn't worried about it at all. But apparently my fucking parts work better than I thought."
"Or maybe he had some damned determined swimmers, who knows."
"I don't know why I was even concerned about not using condoms anyway. Technically we were all excommunicated as of 2014. Pope said the mafiosi
lifestyle isn't compatible with the Catholic one. You know, I wonder how Antoni would feel about all this, I wonder if he'd be pissed, think I lied to him about not being able to get pregnant."
"You're just gonna have to take my word for it, B, but he's not angry in the least, he's pretty fucking proud of hisself." I'd say his chest was stuck out but he didn't have much of a chest left these days, so I just kept that part to myself. "Pretty sure he said he wasn't worried about it because he was hoping you were wrong about being sterile."
Beccs gave me a strange look but the train arrived at just that moment. The people exiting did quite a bit of staring, unlike the people leaving the funeral, but I just tucked my arm around Becca and shouldered my way past them and found us a seat. The drops of water followed us into the train.
"What's with the present tense, Tony? Is that some kind of cliche 'he's lookin' down on you' bullshit?"
I snorted and wiped the bubble of blood from my nose, staring at the puddle of water that was starting to form in the seat next to us. I could feel the cold emanating from Antoni all along my left side. Oddly enough, it was easing the intense ache in my nearly severed ring finger.
"He ain't looking down
on us, B, I can tell you that much."
"So it's a Hell joke?"
"No, not really. But then again, I'm pretty sure we're all in Hell right this second, Miss Rebecca, so yes, yes it is."
2023.05.28 06:29 Temporary_Bit8290 STUSSY Stussy SS23 trend printing men's and women's short-sleeved T-shirts
2023.05.28 06:28 healeybeatrice009 Understanding the Immediate Impact of Ibutamoren
Ibutamoren, also known as MK-677, is a compound that has gained attention in the realm of health and fitness due to its potential benefits. While the compound's primary purpose is to stimulate growth hormone release, it also offers several immediate effects that can positively impact various aspects of the human body. In this article, we will delve into the immediate effects of Ibutamoren without focusing on sexual-related topics, highlighting its potential benefits.
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Quality sleep is essential for overall well-being, and Ibutamoren may contribute to better sleep patterns. Some users have reported experiencing improved sleep quality and a more restful sleep while using Ibutamoren. This can be attributed to the compound's ability to enhance the secretion of growth hormone, which plays a crucial role in regulating sleep and promoting deep, restorative sleep cycles. READ MORE HERE: https://universitypain.net/ibutamoren-mk-677-the-magical-hgh-booste
While Ibutamoren is primarily known for its impact on growth hormone release and its potential benefits in health, it offers a range of immediate effects that extend beyond those realms. From enhanced muscle growth and improved bone density to accelerated recovery and increased energy, the compound presents an array of potential benefits for individuals seeking to improve their physical performance and overall well-being. It is important to note that before considering the use of Ibutamoren or any other compound, consulting a healthcare professional is essential to ensure its appropriateness and safety for individual circumstances.
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2023.05.28 06:00 InfernoAA God Made the World in Six Days, I’ll Perfect New Japan's on the Seventh Part Four: Ring o' Roses
In Part Three, Shingo Takagi confronted both his duties as World Heavyweight Champion and member of Los Ingobernables de Japon, proceeding to right the wrongs of his first reign by winning the January 4 main event against Tetsuya Naito to squash their beef and become co-leaders. With PAC shockingly joining the group after having gone on a crusade against them, they seemed stronger than ever, all except for Shingo's neck. Feeling the weight of CHAOS crushing it, it took both Kazuchika Okada and Hiroshi Tanahashi
to bring him to his knees, the Ace of the Universe back to his rightful spot after 5 years, restoring CHAOS’s purist regime. Ending off on keeping the riches from blood rival Katsuyori Shibata yet again, he now awaits the arrival of the 2024 New Japan Cup Winner...
New Japan Cup Finals (March 28, 2024)
“ZACK SABRE JR. HAS PAC IN HYPERNORMALISATION! PAC SUBMITS! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE THIRD TIME IN HISTORY OUR NEW JAPAN CUP WINNER IS ZSJ!” After two failed attempts to translate his cup success into gold, the Bone Master has another chance to fulfil his career’s greatest goal. And out walks the man he beat in the 2018 Finals for his first win, the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, Hiroshi Tanahashi! One of Zack’s biggest rivals since coming to Japan, and one that’s had his number more time than he’s had theirs, he must beat the godly Ace of the Universe if he wishes to claim his first piece of IWGP-commissioned singles gold!
The stage set for Sakura Genesis, Sabre makes sure to rub in everyone’s faces the premonition he laid down at New Year’s Dash. He said to LIJ he’d be back for the title, and after beating one of their men, he’s made good on his claims. And now, he’s going to make ‘God’ bow to him, whether he wants to or not. When asked for his opinion on the challenger, Tanahashi says he’s amused by how earnestly the Windy Man’s tried to become a New Japan guy, moving his entire life to Japan in pursuit of the top prize. Whilst that dedication may be admirable, it’ll be for nought, Zack just another visitor to his grand kingdom, CHAOS remaining Sabre’s white whale at the end of every NJC journey.
Sakura Genesis (April 7, 2024)
Also on the show: United Empire (Will Ospreay, Great-O-Khan, Aaron Henare) (c) vs Just6Guys (SANADA, Taichi, Ryohei Oiwa) - NEVER Openweight 6-Man Tag Team Championship YOH (c) vs El Desperado - IWGP Junior Tag Team Championship TMDK (c) vs Bishamon - IWGP Tag Team Championship
Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) vs Zack Sabre Jr. XI - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
They say third time’s the charm, but that remains to be seen in Sabre’s case. Sabre-Gun with mixed successes throughout the night, El Desperado coming up short whilst TMDK kept their gold, it’s up to their leader to set an example for his group. Popping his collar, he steels his gaze on the championship as Tanahashi makes his entrance, Zack blocking out the surrounding world. Despite channelling the controversial words of the polarising Okada for the past year, Hiroshi still has Ryogoku in the palm of his hands, remaining the people’s favourite no matter the shade of grey he envelops himself in. Back to his pomp and circumstance, he gives ZSJ the full show of what a true star looks like, ready to bring Sabre back down to reality.
It's a methodical opening from the two talented grapplers, Tanahashi standing toe-to-toe with the best technical wrestler in the world with merely his sheer aura. Sabre shoots for an early Article 50, but Tana sidesteps him into the ropes, before condescendingly patting him on the cheek! Zack retaliates with a forearm, knocking Tana to the mat, a deluge of stomps raining down on his face as the Hiroshi tries to cover up!
Escaping to the ropes, Sabre charges at him with a EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! Tana evades, connecting a DRAGON-STYLE HARITE, slapping respect into the challenger! Incensed, Sabre leaves a mark with a stinging slap of his own, before nailing a chain of Uppercuts! Tana fights back for a TWIST AND SHOUT, though Sabre counters with a FLATLINER! A High-Angle German is stuffed, Zack decked with an ALL OUT and a MIDDLE-ROPE SENTON BOMB! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT!
Tana guns for the leg like he did Shibata, but a Feint Roundhouse into a Legsweep from ZSJ floors him! AND A NECK TWIST!!! With Hiroshi distracted by his neck, Sabre immediately switches for the legs, applying SUNDAY RAIL ENGINEERING WORKS REPLACEMENT BUS SERVICE!!! Tana’s quick to make the ropes, though has to physically pull himself to the apron when Sabre doesn’t release! No breather for him, Zack hooks his leg in the ropes and connects a DRAGON SCREW!
Tana receiving a taste of his own medicine, Sabre slides out and scores one directly on the apron, bashing Hiroshi’s leg into the hardest part of the ring! He attempts to Irish Whip Tanahashi into the ring post, but the Once in a Century Talent nails a SLING BLADE ON THE APRON! DRAGON SUPLEX TO THE FLOOR!!! Playing the starpower card, Tana poses with a grin as the cameras catch a shot of Sabre beneath him. He doesn’t notice Zack’s little twitches though, committing to a HIGH FLY FLOW TO THE OUTSIDE!!! A POSSUM SABRE PUSHES HIM MID-AIR ONTO THE BARRICADE!!!
As Tokyo gasps, it’s academic from Sabre as he threads Tana’s leg through a steel chair, PILMANISING IT!!! Evidence long discarded by the time the referee walks over, he wraps Hiroshi’s leg around the steel post, using it to apply a SASORI-GATAME!!! Tana lets out shouts of agony, Zack milking the suffering as Hiroshi begs the referee to get the challenger to stop. Eventually letting go, he forces Tanahashi to walk himself back into the spider’s web, a SPRINGBOARD ENZUIGIRI awaiting! BRIDGING NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT!
Swivelling into a KNEEBAR now, he rolls around with Tana’s leg in his grasp, countering Hiroshi’s each attempts at escape, before going for the SELECTED TECHNICAL WORKS VOL. 2 combination, but Tana stacks his shoulders up! ONE! TWO! THR-NO LUCK! Forced to release to kick out, he scrambles to his feet to batter Hiroshi with a elbows, a DISCUS ELBOW SMASH staggering him, but a Pele Kick is caught, Tana nailing his own DRAGON SCREW!!!
A TWIST AND SHOUT follows, before Tana wraps on the DRAGON SWING! Wrenching on the neck, he makes a good few rotations before suddenly dropping to a knee, his leg unable to hold up for too long. Going for a DRAGON SUPLEX, it’s blocked by a barrage of back elbows, though Hiroshi nails the DARUMA-SHIKI GERMAN INSTEAD!!! ONE! TWO! THR-SABRE KICKS OUT! Nursing his neck, Sabre gets no reprieve as a HASE URANAGE spikes him, and a HIGH FLY ATTACK… IS CAUGHT IN AN ANKLE LOCK!!!
Tana rolls through but Sabre rolls with him, though he can’t get the grapevine, Tana booting him off with the other leg! TWIST AND SHOUT! Sabre subdued, a SLING BLADE takes him down, a HIGH FLY FLOW FOLLOWING SUIT!!! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Tana rushes for a TEXAS CLOVERLEAF, putting the hurt on Zack’s legs now! The Submission Master searches for escapes yet Hiroshi commits his everything to this move, not letting him free for the life of him! That is, until his own leg gives way! Grounded, he can’t stop a PENALTY KICK!!! AND A ZACK DRIVER!!! ONE! TWO! THR-TANA STAYS ALIVE!!!
Ragdolling Hiroshi with a pair of Double Underhook Suplexes, Zack puts Tana in a prone position to stomp the insides of the knees, before applying a CALF SLICER!!! Yet again, the Ace of the Universe is in trouble, his condition deteriorating with each submission. Knowing he needs to change that and fast… HE GRABS ZACK’S SKULL AND RAMS IT INTO THE MAT REPEATEDLY TO BREAK!!! Gears turning in his mind from Sabre’s tribute, HE GETS HIM UP FOR A STYLES CLASH!!! ONE! TWO! THR-SABRE SURVIVES!!!
Connecting a SLING BLADE, he dumps Zack with a DRAGON SUPLEX! ZACK RESPONDS WITH ONE OF HIS OWN! Open palm strikes from Tana light up Zack, only for him to wring out the arm for a PELE KICK!!! Sabre teases a Legsweep, but Hiroshi hops over this time and nails a GROUNDED HIGH FLY FLOW!!! Air driven out of ZSJ’s lungs, Tana hoists him up… AND NAILS A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! SHADES OF OKADA!!! The CHAOS Leader beating him like this both past Sakura Geneses, it’s going to happen again!
Scaling the ropes, Tana crashes down with a HIGH FLY FLOWWWWWWWWWW!!! But he’s not done! Wanting to make an example out of Sabre, he takes his time posing atop the world like the star he is… BUT IT ALLOWS ZACK TO RECOVER, GRABBING HIS LEG!!! Hammering the knee before Tana has a chance to respond, he yanks him off… RUNNING LIGER BOMB!!! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT!!! STRAIGHT INTO CLARKY CAT BAD BALLOON REMIX!!! Folding Tana’s leg over his shoulder, he utterly destroys the geriatric knees over the champion, who wails in agony, doing anything he can to break free… BUT HE’S TOO FAR FROM THE ROPES!!! TANAHASHI TAPS OUT!!! THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM – ZSJ’S THE NEW KING OF NEW JAPAN!!!
Zack Sabre Jr. def. Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) to win the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship (30:23)
Cutting Tanahashi’s reign brutally short, Sabre-Gun has claimed its spot on the throne! Raising up both his trophy and championship, he’s lifted onto TMDK’s shoulders, the three men flaunting their gold to the world as the remainder of the stable joins them! Tana shell-shocked, he hangs his head in shame and despair as he limps off, Ryogoku the first of many dark days for NJPW…
As the new monarch, Sabre’s first order of business is simple – kill off his counterpart. And by that he means the man who successfully defended the title against him last year, Will Ospreay. Though he may hold the title, jealousy courses through ZSJ’s veins knowing the Commonwealth Kingpin’s considered the company’s top gaijin despite Zack’s superior record over him. Wanting to change that, he calls out Ospreay, who’s fresh off dropping the NEVER 6-Man Titles to Just6Guys, having had quite the identity crisis since having the WK main event taken from him. Eager at the chance at a do-over, he accepts without hesitation.
Wrestling Hinokuni (April 27, 2024)
Sabre-Gun (Zack Sabre Jr. & TMDK) vs United Empire (Will Ospreay & Aussie Open)
Whilst Sabre and Ospreay have kept their distance since their Royal Quest match, the same can’t be said about the greater stables. World Tag League Winners TMDK taking Aussie Open’s IWGP Tag Team Championship at Wrestle Kingdom and United Empire successfully defending the NEVER Titles against Sabre-Gun at the Anniversary Show, this conclusion was only inevitable. Aussie Open also wanting a chance to get their titles back, they team with Ospreay here against the champion unit, the Commonwealth Nations going to war for supremacy.
Unlike Royal Quest, Sabre’s notably a lot surer of himself against Will here, no longer compensating by matching his striking game, rather trying to make Ospreay play his game instead. However, even with Zack being in his best possible form, SG falters against UE once more, the Coriolis to Mikey Nicholls setting the stage for Wrestling Dontaku! Zack grits his teeth as much like Tanahashi, Ospreay looks down on him.
United Empire def. Sabre-Gun (17:34)
Wrestling Dontaku (May 4, 2024)
Also on the show: Ren Narita (c) vs Shota Umino - NEVER Openweight Championship Taichi (c) vs Hiromu Takahashi - NJPW World Television Championship YOH (c) vs Robbie Eagles - IWGP Junior Tag Team Championship KENTA (c) vs PAC - IWGP United States Championship TMDK (c) vs Aussie Open - IWGP Tag Team Championship
Zack Sabre Jr. (c) vs Will Ospreay XVII - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
A rivalry extending back an entire decade to the UK Indies, the spot for best British wrestler in the world has long been contested between these two. Back at it again, it’s time they settle the score once more. Ospreay strides out comfortably, having been in this position plenty of times by now as a potentially soon-to-be 3x World Champion, this his domain. As for Sabre, it’s his first time defending a title of this magnitude, pressure clearly weighing on his shoulders, but taking a deep breath, he prepares himself for victory just like TMDK earlier in the night.
As the bell rings… Ospreay explodes for a DROPKICK right away – shades of NJC 2021! Zack fishes the leg out the air and applies an ANKLE LOCK, LOOKING TO TAP HIM OUT WITHIN THE FIRST FEW SECONDS OF THE MATCH! Alarmed, Ospreay thrashes with kicks from his free leg to force Sabre off, rolling to the outside to recollect himself! Sabre doesn’t let him though, nailing a Baseball Slide Dropkick, before tossing him back in and wrangling the leg again!
A roll shakes him off, a HOOK KICK following, AND AN OSCUTTER! Sabre stops it though, countering with a SNAP DRAGON SUPLEX! Will rotates through to his feet and soars for a STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS, but again Zack dodges! BOW & ARROW ATTEMPT! Will flips into a cover, Zack kicking out instantly! Ospreay handsprings off the ropes, teasing his signature Enzuigiri, Sabre grasping the leg mid-air, but another follows, wrapping around his neck to twist through into a CROSS ARMBREAKER FROM WILL!
Sabre gets the monkey grip, preventing full extension, BUT WILL BITES THE FINGERS TO FORCE HIM OFF, now getting the full stretch, yelling at the referee to ask Zack if he submits! Sabre refuses however, rolling onto his stomach to turn the hold over and stand up, getting his legs around Will’s neck to score a NECK TWIST, getting him to release!
Zack knowing it to be a sore spot, he gets rallying with European Uppercuts to rock it like a bobblehead, before leaping into a GUILLOTINE CHOKE! Zack tightens his grip around Will’s neck, but a BUCKLE EXPLODER SUPLEX loosens it again as Sabre’s left dangling in a Tree of Woe! Ospreay sits cross-legged in front of him and SMASHES HIS NOSE WITH FOREARMS, busting a defenceless Zack open! Fish-hooking the nose, Will shakes his head about and lets crimson droplets paint the surroundings like a psychopathic Bob Ross, before letting go, cackling.
He heads to the top rope, but Zack meets him there, pulling himself up using his core strength and crotching Will on the neighbouring rope! The two face-to-face again, Zack sitting on the turnbuckle and Will on the rope, they trade forearms, blood continuing to leak down Sabre’s face, but he doesn’t care, INSTEAD GRABBING WILL’S LEG TO SUSPEND HIM UPSIDE-DOWN WITH A HANGING SUNDAY RAIL ENGINEERING WORKS REPLACEMENT BUS SERVICE!!!
Will’s in sheer agony as Sabre contorts his limb, but he’s saved by the referee’s count, Sabre forced to let go, Ospreay slumping to the apron. Zack turns to face the apron as he collects his wits and catches his breath, whilst Will nurses his leg, being checked on by the referee to make sure he’s good to continue, hopping to his base. Sabre settles down on the apron behind Will, grabbing him from behind, TESTING AN APRON TIGER SUPLEX!
Ospreay smashes the nose with a rear headbutt to ward him off! AND HE SPRINGS OFF ONE LEG TO DROP SABRE WITH AN APRON OSCUTTER, BOTH MEN SPILLING TO THE FLOOR!!! The referee starts their count as both lay still, no sign of movement as the 10 count nears. Reaching 12 now, they finally begin to stir, getting on all fours… 13… 14… 15… OSPREAY’S LEG GIVES OUT! 16… 17… 18… BOTH MEN MAKE ONE LAST PUSH, SABRE SHOVING HIMSELF INSIDE THE RING BY 19, WHILST OSPREAY PULLS HIMSELF UP ONTO THE APRON AND SPRINGS OFF ONE LEG ON THE ROPES FOR A PIP PIP CHEERIO!!! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT!!!
Coming down hard on the leg though, Ospreay writhes in pain, but with Zack down, he pulls himself up with every last bit of energy he has up for STORM BREAKER… ZACK WITH AN OCTOPUS HOLD!!! Will immediately rams him into the turnbuckle until he lets up, Sabre instead sliding down his back like a bird hitting a window, OSPREAY COLLECTING HIM TO NAIL A HITODENASHI DRIVER!!! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOOOOO!!!
Will shouts in frustration, having jammed the leg on the landing. Feeling victory nigh though, he preps the HIDDEN BLADE!!! SABRE SPINS AROUND AND COUNTERS WITH A ZACK DRIVER!!! ONE! TWO! THR-NO DICE!!! PENTALTY KICK! ANOTHER COVER!!! ONE! TWO! THR-STILL NO LUCK!!! NOW A NUMERO DOS A LA DESPERADO!!! Ospreay screams as Sabre tears the leg in half, Will dancing around in search of reprieve, until a FRANKENSTEINER stands ZSJ on his dome! BRAINBUSTER FOLLOWS!
Sabre rocked, Ospreay cracks the CHELSEA GRIN against his neck, before connecting the HIDDEN BLADE!!! ONE! TWO! THR-ZACK’S STILL IN IT!!! Will’s leg is falling apart as he stumbles back into the corner to try for seconds, losing balance and collapsing before he can reach his target! EUROPEAN CLUTCH FROM ZACK!!! ONE! TWO! THR-OSPREAY SURVIVES!!! BUT A PENALTY KICK TO THE SKULL! AND STRAIGHT INTO ORIENTEERING WITH NAPALM DEATH!!! OSPREAY THRASHES LIKE A MADMAN, FEELING HIS LIGAMENTS ON THE VERGE OF TEARING… AND HE TAPS!!!
Zack Sabre Jr. (c) def. Will Ospreay to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship (34:18)
One more for the bad guys. Commonwealth Kingpin at his mercy, Ospreay a mess as he scrambles off, Zack’s the new Top Gaijin in town. Raising his title high from the turnbuckles, he juices every last drop out his victory, this moment perfect to him… or not
. OH MY GOD IT’S MINORU SUZUKI!!! Any bit of colour that remains on ZSJ’s pale face drains off as the King’s music rings through Fukuoka, but there’s no sign of the man- WAIT, SABRE’S SPUN AROUND! KICK TO THE GUT – GOTCH-STYLE PILEDRIVER!!! HE’S HERE!!! Placing a boot on Zack’s chest, Suzuki holds the World Title high over his former stablemate’s body!
The ending of Dontaku has Japan buzzing as they question the true motive of Suzuki’s attack, and after an extended silence, the King sets the record straight. 1 ½ years ago, Suzuki-Gun was dissolved, and ever since, Sabre’s been writing checks with his mouth that he can’t cash. He walks around with the World Title like he’s
the reason he even received recognition in NJPW in the first place. Suzuki gave him a home beside him, and as rapidly as he elevated Sabre, he can take it all away from him just as fast. He’s getting old and is still missing the final piece to the Japanese Triple Crown, so he plans to take that from Zack.
Sabre doesn’t take too kindly to these words, letting his actions speak for himself as he ASSAULTS SUZUKI on a Road To Dontaku show! Bringing Sabre-Gun with him, they brutalise the legend, before Zack plants his group’s flag on Suzuki’s chest! Mocking him for having no allies the next night, declaring Suzuki’s era of relevance to be long gone… this plays
. SUZUKI’S HERE, AND HE’S NOT ALONE! IT’S JUST6GUYS!!! Racing to the ring, the two factions erupt in a massive brawl, bodies flying left and right! Sabre tries for a quick getaway but he’s stopped by Minoru, who gives him a devilish snarl before clobbering him with forearms until Sabre-Gun’s sent packing through the crowd, Zack yelling expletives at Suzuki as he retreats!
Back to Yokohama Arena (May 16, 2024)
Sabre-Gun (Zack Sabre Jr., El Desperado & TMDK) vs Minoru Suzuki & Just3Guys (Taichi, Yoshinobu Kanemaru, DOUKI)
With Sabre-Gun and Just6Guys feuding ever since their respective formations, switching between silent competitive warfare of racking up belts to fighting each other, notably the Sabre/Taichi saga, it all fully comes to a head in Suzuki’s home of Yokohama! With full freedom to destroy each other however they please, the two factions don’t hold back one bit, with Suzuki especially targeting ZSJ. He’s unable to give him grief the way he wishes to though, Zack tactfully hiding behind his partners until he can blindside Minoru, before scramming again. Ultimately, it’s Minoru putting Desperado away with the GOTCH PILEDRIVER, before signalling to Sabre that time’s running out for him, Suzuki to get his hands on him too soon enough!
Minoru Suzuki & J6G def. Sabre-Gun (15:03)
As much as Sabre tries to deny it, that day only speeds closer with each accusation of cowardice against the prideful champion’s name, the world questioning whether he’s afraid of Suzuki. Adamant to silence his doubters, he finally accepts Suzuki’s title challenge, setting the stage for Dominion, though promising he won’t have a career to go back to when Sabre’s done with him!
Dominion 6.2 (June 2, 2024)
Also on the show: YOH (c) vs SHO - IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship Just2Guys (c) vs Sabre-Gun (Blake Christian & Clark Connors) - IWGP Junior Tag Team Championship TMDK (c) vs The Lucha Brothers - IWGP Tag Team Championship PAC (c) vs Katsuyori Shibata - IWGP United States Championship
Zack Sabre Jr. (c) vs Minoru Suzuki - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
With Sabre-Gun beating Just6Guys earlier in the night, this war’s already at its boiling point by the time the main event arrives, Suzuki opting to enter second as Zack steps out- CRACK! STEEL CHAIR TO SABRE’S SPINE!!! Suzuki isn’t wasting even a second here, tearing the jacket off Sabre’s back before bending the steel over his spine! The Windy Man desperately tries to crawl away to the ring, but Suzuki steps on his ankle to stop him! Turning him around to meet his maker, MINORU GOES FOR A GOTCH PILEDRIVER ON THE CHAIR!!! LOW BLOW FROM SABRE TO COUNTER!!!
Suzuki drops to his knees as Osaka boos the smarmy champion, ZSJ now battering the King’s back, before finally sliding him in to get the match started! PENALTY KICK RIGHT AWAY!!! ONE! TWO! THR-KICK OUT!!! Sabre wrenches in a CLARKY CAT, working the arm as Suzuki writhes under him, but it’s not long before Minoru stands up out of it, hurling ZSJ to the mat! Booting him in the jaw, Suzuki backs him into the corner and tears into him with open palm strikes! He winds up a CORNER DROPKICK, but Sabre evades, blasting him with a rapid barrage of European Uppercuts against the turnbuckle!
Zack taking the run-up now, Suzuki bucks him over the ropes to the apron, SABRE BLASTING A THUMB IN HIS EYE! Minoru blinded, Zack leaps up for a SPRINGBOARD ENZUIGIRI- SUZUKI BLOCKS WITH A WILD SLAP TO THE CHEEK!!! Sabre stiffed, Suzuki applies a HANGING JUJI-GATAME FROM THE ROPES!!! Zack screams in agony as Minoru damn near rips his arm out the socket, the referee’s count the only thing keeping him from going!
Releasing, Sabre crumples to the floor, getting as far as he possibly can from Suzuki, though he’s not fast enough, Suzuki nailing a GOAL KICK to his skull from the apron! Grabbing Sabre, he HURLS him into the guardrail with it shoulder-first, the velocity sending Zack through! As he goes to collect his prey though, SABRE TOSSES A CHAIR AT HIS SKULL!!! Threading Suzuki’s arm through it, SABRE STOMPS THE ELBOW!!! AND AN ARTICLE 50!!!
Sabre abuses the legend, but he forgets about the other arm, Suzuki slapping his head in with it until Zack releases! Shaking off the arm, a BACK BODY DROP sends Sabre crashing back to ringside, Minoru following after him as ZSJ slinks inside the ring. Zack beats him to his feet though, stomping a hole through the mat with Suzuki’s skull, dribbling it! He cracks a ROLLING ELBOW off the skull, but Minoru walks through it, glaring at Sabre! Throwing an elbow of his own, it gets caught, Zack scoring the PELE KICK to the arm!
AND A KIMURA LOCK!!! Sabre brutally rips at the arm, bringing Suzuki to his knees from the pain even, but Minoru pins his shoulders to the mat! ONE! TWO! THR-SABRE RELEASES TO KICK OUT! As Zack rolls to his feet, a SHOTGUN DROPKICK awaits him! Suzuki clobbers him with slaps to the face, Sabre seeing stars as one knocks him clean off his feet! Turning to the turnbuckle… SUZUKI RIPS IT OFF!!! Steel exposed, he teases a SNAP SUPLEX INTO THE CORNER!!! SABRE COUNTERS WITH A BRAINBUSTER ON THE MAT!!! GUILLOTINE CHOKE!!!
Draining the life out of Suzuki, Sabre presses on the carotid artery, Minoru is deep trouble! BUT NOW THE KING BITES ON ZSJ’S FINGERS!!! Zack yelps and releases, allowing Suzuki to secure his wrists and STOMP HIS HEAD IN!!! Sabre catches a boot and applies SUNDAY RAIL ENGINEERING WORKS REPLACEMENT BUS SERVICE!!! ZSJ tortures Suzuki’s leg, though in doing so leaves his arm exposed, Minoru yanking off his grip and countering into HIS OWN HEEL HOOK!!!
Sabre desperately tries the same counter, but Suzuki’s grip is too tight to break, forcing Zack to roll to the ropes! SUZUKI ISN’T LETTING GO! Crawling on his hands, Sabre pulls himself to the floor and WHIPLASHES MINORU’S NECK OFF THE BOTTOM ROPE!!! Staggering about ringside on one foot, he grabs his title and rolls back in! Suzuki struggling up, Sabre tries to deck him with the belt… but the referee grabs it from behind! A tug-of-war ends in SUZUKI KNOCKING THE BELT INTO THE REF WITH AN ENZUIGIRI!
Both men hitting the deck, Minoru rocks ZSJ with a Dropkick! GOTCH PILEDRIVER ONTO THE TITLE!!! But there’s no one to count! Pissed, Suzuki limps out and abuses a couple young lions, before picking one out the crowd to toss in the ring, ripping the referee’s shirt off and telling the lion to put it on! SUZUKI COVERS! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Even more livid, HE DECKS THIS LION TOO! Turning back to Zack, he notices the champion feebly reaching for the belt! Kicking it out the ring, Suzuki goes for another GOTCH PILEDRIVER!!! BACK BODY DROP COUNTER!!!
Still hurting, Sabre struggles to get a rally of strikes going, Suzuki meeting him blow for blow! BUT SABRE WHIPS THE SHOULDER INTO THE MAT! Minoru stunned, sadistic thoughts run through Sabre’s mind… TIGER SUPLEX INTO THE EXPOSED STEEL!!! AND A RUNNING LIGER BOMB – ONE OF SUZUKI’S RIVALS MOVES!!! THE REFEREE’S BACK TO CONSCIOUSNESS! NOT LIKE THIS! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Sabre’s exasperated, thinking he had it! Running out of options, he teases a ZACK DRIVER, but Suzuki slips behind and applies the SLEEPER HOLD!!! Sabre’s quickly fading, frantically trying to tear the bad arm off, but Minoru doesn’t budge, shoving ZSJ to the mat for the PENALTY KICK!!! ONE! TWO! THR-ZACK KICKS OUT!!! Suzuki grabs Sabre by the chin, demanding him to strike Minoru if he thinks he’s so tough, ZSJ doing his best, but Suzuki eats it and returns a HARD SLAP! SLEEPER SUPLEX!!!
Tossing Sabre to the apron, Minoru steps onto the middle rope and cinches in an ELEVATED SLEEPER!!! Zack dangles in the air, unable to find his footing to escape, Suzuki lifting him higher and higher! Blood rushing to his legs, he needs to act fast, attacking the elbow again until the hold is finally slightly loosened! Leaning forwards, he pulls Suzuki his direction, allowing him to lower his feet onto the apron… YANKING SUZUKI INTO AN APRON ZACK DRIVER!!!
Sabre coughs up a lung as he kicks Minoru’s corpse back in, before lining up a PENALTY KICK!!! ONE! TWO! THR-SUZUKI’S ALIVE!!! Zack’s stunned as he comes face-to-face with Suzuki’s sneer, Minoru still having enough in him to throw slaps! Sabre returning Uppercuts, they go blow-for-blow until Zack collapses first, though he’s playing possum, HEADBUTTING THE SHOULDER as the King tries to grab him! He goes for YOU CAN’T PLAY CONKERS IN ENGLAND, though he’s immediately tossed down, SUZUKI NAILING A PENALTY KICK!!!
Winding up, Minoru goes for one more… ZACK SLAPS HIS HEAD OFF HIS SHOULDERS!!! Putting the head between his legs, HE NAILS A GOTCH PILEDRIVER!!! Suzuki collapses in position for a PENALTY KICK!!! AND NOW SABRE CINCHES IT IN – HURRAH! ANOTHER YEAR, SURELY THIS ONE WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST; THE INEXORABLE MARCH OF PROGRESS WILL LEAD US ALL TO HAPPINESS!!! Suzuki grits his teeth, trying to fight through it, Sabre keeping his eyes on his hands to see the tap… NOWHERE TO GO, MINORU FLIPS HIM OFF WITH BOTH HANDS AND VERBALLY SUBMITS!!!
Zack Sabre Jr. (c) def. Minoru Suzuki to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship (32:50)
Surviving one of the toughest matches of his career, Zack’s kingdom still lives, though barely. As he’s handed his title though, he chucks it aside, this about far more than the gold to him! SABRE STOMPS OUT SUZUKI!!! Signalling to the back, out rush Sabre-Gun, coming to Sabre’s aid to conduct a mugging on the legend! SUDDEN DEATH FROM ELP! PINCHE LOCO FROM DESPERADO! THUNDER VALLEY FROM TMDK! TANDEM JEEP FLIP/DROPKICK FROM BLAKE, CONNORS AND FUJITA! And now, it's Zack’s turn. Dragging him to the concrete… HE’S GOING FOR THE GOTCH PILEDRIVER!!! HE WANTS TO RETIRE SUZUKI FOR GOOD!!!
BUT HERE COMES J6G!!! AND LANCE ARCHER TOO!!! Sabre tosses Suzuki aside to deal with the oncoming traffic, Taichi and co. putting up an honourable fight, but they’re still down a man, Sabre-Gun managing to retain their upper-hand, until…
OH MY GOD, IT’S SUZUKI’S OLD TAG PARTNER NAOMICHI MARUFUJI!!! Sabre can’t even get a curse out before a KO-OH SMACKS HIM IN THE FACE!!! Marufuji beats on Zack to turn the tide, going for the POLE SHIFT, but Sabre manages to escape in the nick of time, Sabre-Gun once again sent on the retreat, the show closing on Marufuji helping Suzuki up!
NJPW/AJPW/NOAH All Together Again (June 7, 2024)
Zack Sabre Jr. vs Naomichi Marufuji
After the events of Dominion, it’s only natural these two fight, long, long overdue a one-on-one since their NOAH days together! Fighting in Suzuki’s honour, Marufuji steps to the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion and it’s like 2016 all over again the way he utterly humbles Sabre to start like he’s facing Okada! A match of two halves, it goes from Naomichi giving ZSJ the biggest whooping of his life to Sabre brutally breaking down the legend, reminding him he’s 8 years too old to still be winning these sorts of matches. Though Maru gives Zack grief one more than one occasion, he meets his demise at the hands of a CREMATION LILY, Sabre spitting on Naomichi as he leaves, declaring himself untouchable!
Zack Sabre Jr. def. Naomichi Marufuji (25:37)
With his war on J6G and friends officially behind him, Sabre sets his sights on a show he has quite some history with. Losing to Claudio Castagnoli at the first Forbidden Door, before beating Katsuyori Shibata at the second to take both the NJPW TV and ROH Pure Titles to ALL IN to submit Danielson, there’s naturally only one direction for him to head…
Dynamite (June 12, 2024)
Racking another AEW International Championship defence under his belt, Wheeler YUTA is on top of the world, and as he’s approached by Tony Schiavone for a post-match comment… WHACK! IWGP WORLD TITLE TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!!! SABRE-GUN’S HERE!!! Mugging Blackpool Combat Club’s young gun like they did Suzuki, a SABRE DRIVER leaves him broken on the mat as Zack yells down the camera that he wants Moxley’s head at Forbidden Door, scurrying away before BCC can make the save!
Collision (June 15, 2024)
Zack Sabre Jr. vs Wheeler YUTA
Off the back of Sabre’s assault on YUTA, a match is made between the two technically-gifted champions in a massive Collision main event! Though ZSJ’s far out his paygrade, an arrogant Wheeler does his best to knock off the Technical Wizard, impressing with a display of submissions he’s picked up from Danielson, before employing some of Claudio’s marquee athleticism and Mox’s grittiness. Never a fair match to begin with though, a TESCO MEAL DEAL cruelly silences YUTA!
Zack Sabre Jr. def. Wheeler YUTA (10:12)
Grabbing a mic, Zack runs down Moxley, reminding him how they were supposed to fight 4 years ago until the pandemic ruined that, Jon ducking him ever since. Now though, he’s the last member of BCC he needs to get through before he can shut up those babies too, so all he needs to know is if Jon is still afraid of him or not. And as Sabre awaits his response… HE RECEIVES IT IN THE FORM OF A PARADIGM SHIFT!!! Mox holds Zack’s title over his body, gaining some retribution for YUTA!
AEWxNJPW Forbidden Door (June 23, 2024)
Also on the show: The Lucha Brothers (c) vs La Faccion Ingobernable (RUSH & Dralistico) - IWGP Tag Team Championship PAC (c) vs Swerve Strickland - IWGP United States Championship Tetsuya Naito vs Andrade El Idolo
Zack Sabre Jr. (c) vs Jon Moxley - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
The final showdown of a lengthy saga, Sabre makes his third defence against New Japan’s Ace, and it’s quite literally a bloody clinic, Mox showing zero fear in the face of the Top Gaijin, who looks to plant his flag over another territory. From a Paradigm Shift to the floor to a Zack Driver through a table, both men are busted open by the surroundings, the blood loss only helping Sabre’s case when he locks in the HYPERNORMALISATION, causing Mox to pass out! Alas, ZSJ stands atop BCC, but perhaps a more personal challenge yet awaits him…
Zack Sabre Jr. (c) def. Jon Moxley to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship (23:20)
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2023.05.28 05:58 glenlassan My Memories as a Manic Mormon Missionary in Maricaibo.... Or how my missionary service chemically rewrote my personal identity.
Are we ready for Storytime? Cool. Let's have a Storytime.
My personal medical & mental health odyssey, since 2001, has been dominated by a singular event. My LDS mission in Maracaibo Venezuela.
Before I dive into it, here is some basic info about Mania.
Mania, is a state of being in an elevated high-energy mental state, typically for weeks or longer at a time. Hypomania, by contrast is when the same occurs for a lesser period of time, such as days.
While commonly associated with Bipolar disorder, Mania can in fact, be caused by other environmental factors. Environmental factors such as:
- High levels of stress
- Changes in sleep patterns or lack of sleep
- Using recreational drugs or alcohol
- Seasonal changes – for example, some people are more likely to experience hypomania and mania in spring
- A significant change in your life, such as moving house or going through a divorce
- Childbirth – see our page on postpartum psychosis for more information
- Loss or bereavement
- Trauma and abuse
- Difficult life conditions – for example, problems with money, housing or loneliness
- As a side effect of medication
- As a symptom of a physical illness or neurological condition
- Family history – if you have a family member who experiences bipolar moods, you are more likely to experience mania or hypomania
Anyone who's ever been on an LDS mission can tell you, that being a missionary checks off quite a few of those boxes. So with that in mind, my story can begin.
I am on the Autism spectrum & have ADHD. I was undiagnosed at the time, but needless to say, I didn't have a strong social toolkit for dealing with neurotypicals when I went on my mission. Compounding matters, was the fact that I was sent to the Spanish speaking Maracaibo Venezuela mission in 2001. So not only did I have crazy culture shock, but I was also forced to socialized with Neurotypical (NT) Utah elders, and had no idea on how to do so successfully, being an Neurodivergent (ND) from Northern New York.
So let's put a huge-ass check on "difficult life conditions" as yes, I was alone in a crowd, so to speak at the time. The mission itself expected us to be preaching about 60 hours a week, so we can definitely check off "High level of stress". Changes in sleep patterns? Super check. My MTC group had the honor of being the first group allowed to wake up at 6:30 AM rather than 6 AM. Seasonal changes? Super check. I'm from NNY. We have a 5 to 7-months of snowy weather per year. Maracaibo, on the other hand, has two seasons. "Hot summer" and "Hellish summer". Significant change in my life such as moving? I did that every few weeks as an elder. Extra super-duper check. Not to mention the whole culture shock thing. Loss or Bereavement? You betcha. I lost my entire world in one go. Trauma and abuse? Extra check. The mission itself is inherently abusive. High levels of stress? Goes without saying.
In other words, even in SNAFU conditions (Situation normal, all fucked up) missionary service is a literal incubator for manic situations. It of course hits some people more than others, due to various other factors, but inherently, missionary service is objectively a high risk factor for developing manic symptoms.
And then, on top of all that. I caught a goddamn tropical disease, and lost visible weight in three days. I was probably hypomanic, or manic before that point, truth be told. After that point, well. I was full on psychotic. I suppose that needs a sperate bit of medical explanation. Our current understanding of how psychotic & delusional & schizophrenic medications work, was based on the observation that many of these mental health conditions are nearly indistinguishable from the symptoms of taking too much speed. Once that link was discovered, many anti-psychotic meds were developed, that (more or less) functioned largely by acting as a downer, to reverse manic states, and by extension, pull people out of delusional psychotic states.
So with that in mind, is it any wonder, that when I was manic already, that tropical disease pushed me over the edge, into full on insanity?
I was in that state over a month. Stark raving mad. Working a 60+ hour workweek, in the hot deadly Venezuelan sun. In what was simultaneously a politically unstable 3rd world nation, and the nation with the 6th highest violent crime rate in the world at the time. I was malnourished. Overstressed isn't even the word for it.
And then, I got scared, and ran away from my comp for a day. And on top of all that, became even more stressed, even more malnourished, and dehydrated. Went from being mildly psychotic, to majorly psychotic, and three quarters dead in the span of a day.
Got sent home after that. But my doctors..... Well they ignored all of the above context. And put me on some rather nasty pills, known as Remeron and Haloperidol. As you might imagine from my description of how typical anti-psychotics work, these pills, individually and in combination, were basically tranquillizers.
For years, my nickname became "Sleepy" Life was living death. However, I persevered, my psychotic symptoms lessened, and I was weaned off both meds.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, anti-psychotics are a perhaps the most dangerous class of drugs to wean off of. Quite ironically, one of the major withdrawal symptoms of Haloperidol is manic symptoms, and rebounding, and more intense psychotic symptoms.
Did my doctors pay any attention to the consequences of taking me off those pills?
Nope! I was told that the mania and psychosis I experienced when I got off those pills meant I was schizophrenic, and would likely need to be on pills for the rest of my natural life.
My new cocktails? Risperdal, Effexor, Singular, Benztropine. The important one to pay attention to there, is Risperdal. Risperdal is the one that makes CIS men grow breasts and lactate.
My asshole doctor went years without giving me the blood tests that were recommended monthly while on that pill. When I finally got one, he asked me if I could lactate, because my prolactin levels were higher than a pregnant woman's.
So I was switched from Risperdal, to Abilify. What a change! My sex drive turned back on! I had a second puberty in my late 20's! Very fun (not really) As I grew progressively more capable, and able tto intellectually and emotionally function (at all) I decided enough was enough, and weaned off all my meds, AMA, which happened to line up with my leaving the LDS faith. Silly me. wanna know what one of the withdrawal effects of Abilify is? Mania! a So on top of leaving a toxic faith, and getting rid of toxic doctors, I had to put up with yet more goddamn manic episode. Fun fact: Mania isn't just trying to do everything all at once. Mania can also turn into irritability and rage. Stack on top of that the heaps of abuse that my church, and parents had heaped on me, and well, I was a bit of an angry asshole at the time, to put it mildly.
And yes. My good old friend, mania induced psychosis popped up again. Another trip to the psych ward. Another misdiagnosis. My mania was such, that I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and given Depakote.
Depakote, is an instant old age pill. It'll kill you to stay on, and will destroy you if you get it off wrong, and it'll take months to recover even if you get off of it right. It's a rather nasty pill. I got off it as quickly as I could, but yeah, you guessed it. Depakote withdrawal also includes agitation and irritability. For the longest time, I thought that the angry asshole I was, when I left the church, and the not-great things I did and said to friends and family on the way out was a choice. Turns out I was wrong. It wasn't a choice. It was literally a chain of dominos, that started with my mission, and was carried along by a successive string of literally incompetent doctors, none of which who could be bothered to pay attention to the chain of events as a whole. And yes. During the whole process, my parents, and my doctors kept telling me that I was the broken one. That I was the one in the wrong. That they knew what was best. It turns out, that it was the other way around. They were breaking me, and blaming me for being broken. Trying to take accountability for what they had done to me, tore me apart. Destroyed my sense of self confidence, and self worth, from the inside out.
I'm 41. I'm still living with the repercussions of all of the above. I'll never stop really, at least not till the day I die anyways. I'm starting to make peace with it somewhat. Because holy fuck. At no point, in the entire process, was my agency respected. At no point in the process was my human rights respected. Between the church, and my asshole doctors prescribing pills like they were candy, at no point was I fully and truly responsible for the state of my mind and body, because fun fact. Our brains are just big computers, with a lot of chemistry in them. The church and my doctors robbed me of control over the chemistry end, and decisions I made that I thought that were fully my own, weren't actually. I still feel guilt for the parts that were in my control of course. I won't ever stop feeling that. But at least now, knowing what I know, I know that a lot of that, was not me. Not things I had chosen. It was things, the church, and my shitty doctors chose for me. And that helps.
I'm not going to lie. It took me decades to figure all of this out. Hopefully, some young people can read my story, and realize how much agency the church stole from them, and use that information to improve their mental health, and sense of self-worth. Hopefully.
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2023.05.28 05:47 papierrose Styling menswear in a feminine way
Having raided my husband’s wardrobe recently I’ve decided that menswear is often cheaper, better quality and warmer than womenswear. I’m over paying a premium to be cold or for my clothes to wear out quickly so I’m keen to get some pieces from the men’s section, but I like dressing in a feminine way. Does anyone have any:
- styling advice for how to avoid looking too masculine/frumpy?
- Menswear brands you like as a woman/person who dresses in a feminine way?
- Particular pieces you look for in the men’s section e.g. jumpers, t-shirts etc
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2023.05.28 05:10 KirkHammettJigsaw Booking the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship From Wrestle Kingdom 17 Part IV Can We Give Hunter Maguire The World Title?
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Will Ospreay has gone through many of his past foes. He’s gone through Zack Sabre Jr., he’s gone through Hiroshi Tanahashi, he’s gone through Hiromu Takahashi, he’s gone through Bryan Danielson, he’s gone through Kenny Omega. But now, he has to go through one of the hardest things that any wrestler can ever go through: The G1 Climax. It’s the 34th G1 Climax right now, and there’s nineteen other wrestlers that are gunning for The Commonwealth Kingpin, looking to steal away his crown. So, let’s take a look at this absolute murderer’s row of folks, shall we?
- Hiroshi Tanahashi: He’s The Ace, man. No matter how many miles are on him, no matter how many losses he takes, Hiroshi Tanahashi is still one of the biggest threats on the entire roster. That pure babyface power can knock any man down and can captivate any crowd, and given the fact that Tana may not have too many G1 Climaxes left, he’ll want to make this one count.
- Tetsuya Naito: A little older, a little slower, but still one of the best. Tetsuya Naito on a bad day is still better than most people on their best day, but this is New Japan Pro Wrestling, and if you want to be the champion, you can’t get by on anything less than your best. The leader of Los Ingonerables de Japon is still very capable. Is he still World Championship calibre?
- SANADA: SANADA has flirted with the upper echelon of NJPW for quite a while now, but if he wants to break through, his best bet is to do it sooner rather than later. The Cold Skull needs a hot streak, and he’s looking to find it in G1 Climax 34.
- Zack Sabre Jr.: The Front Man is a front runner in the G1 Climax, but despite being a dangerous match for every single person in the company, he still hasn’t won a G1 or been the World Champion. As a faction leader, ZSJ wants to be able to portray himself as the cream of the crop, and show that The Mighty truly Don’t Kneel. This is his chance to prove it.
- Taichi: He’s the most deceptively dangerous man in all of professional wrestling. Taichi manages to get a few big wins every year, in every single G1 Climax that he participates in. The issue is that he’s never been able to get enough of them in a single tournament. He’s the best singer in the entire block by a country mile, but can the former Dangerous Tekker prove to put together a record as golden as his voice?
- Yota Tsuji: Still a relative newcomer, Yota Tsuji has had over a year to grow accustomed to the Heavyweight scene in NJPW. While it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses for Yota, he’s become a legitimate threat, and he’s a trap match for anybody in the block. Nobody should be taking him lightly. Can he do the unthinkable and win it all? Anything can happen.
- EVIL: The third man to have wrestled under the LIJ banner in the A Block, EVIL is a former World Champion, but his run in the House of Torture hasn’t exactly lived up to that standard. He’s got the skill, but can he put everything together and return to his old form?
- Hirooki Goto: After getting snubbed and not included in last year’s G1 Climax, Hirooki Goto, a former winner of the tournament, is back in the ranks. He wasn’t too happy about being left out last year, and he’s looking to prove exactly why he should have been there. He’s one of the best to never win the big one, but who knows? Maybe Hirooki Goto’s big one is this year.
- Tomohiro Ishii: He’s everybody’s favourite 141 STONE PITBULL BITE HARD STRONG 141, but Tomohiro Ishii didn’t exactly light up last year’s G1 Climax. If he underperforms again, the guaranteed banger alert may not even be a factor in next year’s G1. This is the Dog’s potential last shot at staying afloat in the callous waters of New Japan.
- KENOH: A Block’s surprise entrant is coming straight from Pro Wrestling NOAH! The leader of KONGO has made his way over to NJPW for this tournament, looking to poach the company’s greatest prize away. Plus, KONGO’s history with Los Ingonerables de Japon is not a very friendly one, and with three current and former LIJ members in this block, KENOH is looking to spoil some tournaments.
- Will Ospreay: He’s the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion for a reason, and that reason is that he’s simply the best (RIP Tina Turner). The Commonwealth Kingpin has been running shit in NJPW, having classic match after classic match, but that kind of pace takes a toll on a man. Can the Billy G.O.A.T. continue this insane run and perhaps even win the G1 as the champion?
- Kazuchika Okada: The NJPW main event scene is an ever-shifting landscape. Factions born, they die, Young Lions come up and replace the veterans that came before them. There are one-hit wonders, has-beens, never-weres, and mainstays, but it seems like throughout the years, there has been one constant, and that’s Kazuchika Okada. The Rainmaker never goes away, and even without gold around his waist, some still see him as the man to beat in this G1.
- Shingo Takagi: The Last Dragon has had a couple of shots at the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship in the past couple of years, but he has been unable to make them count. Still one of the most dangerous men in wrestling, and a former World Champ to boot, he’s one of the biggest threats in the entire tournament. He just has to break through that barrier and become the best wrestler in the company, instead of just ONE of the best.
- Great-O-Khan: The second United Empire representative in this block, GOK had himself a starmaking run in the New Japan Cup this year, but he fell just short of winning the whole thing, losing in the finals to Hiroshi Tanahashi. He definitely looked like the type to win a tournament, though, and maybe this is the one.
- Ren Narita: STRONG STYLE has been humming along this year, maybe just a touch quieter than they had hoped, but Ren Narita is the current NJPW Television Champion, and this right here is a chance for him to extend his list of accolades even further. His young career would get a huge boost from this, and he definitely has the talent to pull it off.
- Shota Umino: Shooter has spent a lot of the past couple of months in AEW, working closely with Jon Moxley and the Blackpool Combat Club, and he’s coming into this one seeming a little bit meaner than usual. A win for him would be a testament to the BCC’s ability to form prospects into stars.
- David Finlay: If there’s anybody that seems close to breaking through, it’s David Finlay. He’s the leader of the most marketable stable in wrestling, he’s put together some solid runs in various tournaments, and he’s even the current KOPW Champ. He just hasn’t put all the pieces together, but this tournament could be his moment.
- Tama Tonga: The Good Guy.
- El Phantasmo: Phantasmo still holds a grudge against Bullet Club after they forcibly removed him, and he is currently aligned with Bullet Club Gold. Even though he’s a Junior Heavyweight, a brawl with Bullet Club Black and White on AEW programming motivated him to enter the G1 Climax, if only to take a win off of David Finlay.
- Claudio Castagnoli: If Shota Umino wasn’t enough, the Blackpool Combat Club has sent their strongest member, their baldest member, their smartest member, Claudio Castagnoli! The King of Swing is a physical specimen, basically tailor-made for a taxing tournament such as the G1 Climax.
G1 CLIMAX 34
We kick off G1 Climax 34 with a fun contest between Hirooki Goto and Taichi. Goto manages to claim victory in his return to the G1, but SANADA isn’t as lucky, because he falls to KENOH, the NOAH invader. Yota Tsuji opens up his tournament campaign with a bang, beating EVIL, and Tanahashi does the same with a win over Ishii in an absolute banger. In the main event, Zack Sabre Jr. submits Tetsuya Naito, leaving him in a heap while he cuts a cocky promo to close the show.
KENOH allows his momentum from Night One to carry over here, defeating EVIL, while Taichi bounces back and picks up his first win against SANADA. ZSJ forces Hirooki Goto to tap out, and Tana gets another two points, pinning Yota Tsuji in a hard-fought match. Ishii gets held to zero points once again, suffering a loss at the hands of Naito.
Night Five sees Goto put a stop to KENOH’s undefeated run so far, taking him out and getting his fourth point. EVIL beats Ishii once again, and Ishii shows visible frustration after the match. SANADA gets past Tsuji, and Taichi manages to reverse all of his former partner’s submissions, pinning ZSJ and handing him his first loss! In the main event, Tetsuya Naito beats Tanahashi with two Destinos. Naito, ZSJ, Taichi, Goto, KENOH and Tanahashi all have four points. SANADA, EVIL, and Yota have two. Ishii has none.
Ishii finally gets a win, beating Yota Tsuji, and SANADA beats Zack Sabre Jr. EVIL manages to get past Taichi, and KENOH gives himself absolutely zero chance of endearing himself to the New Japan crowd, knocking Tanahashi out to beat him! In the main event, Naito just barely manages to beat Goto in an instant classic.
ZSJ submits EVIL in the opening contest, and in the second match, SANADA improves to six points with a win over Goto. Yota Tsuji bounces back from his disappointing recent run and gets a HUGE win over Tetsuya Naito, holding The Ungovernable One to six points! Ishii gets his second win, and it’s a big win, because it’s over KENOH the outsider, and in the main event, Taichi gets past Tanahashi to put himself at six points as well!
Up first is a battle between two former LIJ members, tag partners at that, EVIL and SANADA. It’s close, but EVIL takes the W here. Zack Sabre Jr. gets past Tomohiro Ishii, and Tanahashi does the same against Hirooki Goto. Yota Tsuji picks up his second big win in a row, putting Taichi down. Finally, in the main event, Tetsuya Naito picks up a win over KENOH, which leaves him tied for first with ZSJ.
Tonight, Tomohiro Ishii gets an upset victory over SANADA, and Tanahashi gets a not-so-upset victory over EVIL. Sabre gets to ten points, forcing KENOH to tap out, and Yota Tsuji gets to eight with a win over Goto. Finally, in the main event, Naito keeps up with ZSJ by beating Taichi to hit ten points as well.
KENOH beats Yota Tsuji, taking out his frustrations after a tournament that didn’t go as planned for the leader of KONGO. Taichi defeats Ishii in a banger of a match, and Goto gets a win over EVIL. Naito hits twelve points with a win over SANADA, and ZSJ hits twelve in the main event with a huge win over Hiroshi Tanahashi. Heading into the last night of A Block, it’s a two horse race, with ZSJ and Naito each having twelve points. If they finish with the same amount of points, Sabre will win the block, because he holds the tiebreaker victory over Naito.
Ishii and Goto have a crowd-pleasing old man match, with Goto going over, and SANADA beats Tanahashi, a big win to salvage his failure of a tourney. KENOH comes in pissed, and decides to go back to NOAH with a scalp, as he knocks Taichi out with a Roundhouse in a match with plenty of kicks. EVIL would love nothing more than to dash Tetsuya Naito’s hopes of winning the block, but that doesn’t happen, as Naito gets past him. Only one match left. Zack Sabre Jr. has to get past Yota Tsuji if he wants to advance to the finals. Throughout the match, he punishes Yota, twisting him into a pretzel, but Tsuji refuses to tap out! The clock starts ticking, and The Front Man is nervous! A minute left, and Yota is close to tapping out in an Octopus Hold! He’s starting to fade…BUT THE BELL SOUNDS TO SIGNIFY A DRAW! TETSUYA NAITO HAS WON HIS BLOCK BY A SINGLE POINT! He rushes down to the ring to celebrate his A Block victory, and he takes the time to go up to Yota. He hands Tsuji an LIJ shirt! Yota ponders for a moment…AND PUTS IT ON! LIJ HAS EXPANDED ITS RANKS!
We’re kicking things off with a super strong opener between Claudio Castagnoli and El Phantasmo. Phantasmo does well, but seems out of his depth against a bigger guy, and Claudio picks up two points. After that, David Finlay beats Tama Tonga, proclaiming BC Supremacy. Will Ospreay and Great-O-Khan face off in a UE vs. UE match, and the World Champ gets the W. Okada starts off hot with a victory over Shota, and Shingo beats Narita in a banger in the main event.
Shota Umino kicks off B Block’s second night of action with a win over Tama Tonga, while El Phantasmo gets a huge victory for BC Gold by defeating Bullet Club’s leader, David Finlay. Ren Narita gets a big win over Castagnoli, and Okada beats O-Khan. In a huge main event, Shingo Takagi beats the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, Will Ospreay, with just two minutes remaining!
Great-O-Khan gets his first win in the G1 in the opener, beating the TV Champion Ren Narita, while Shingo stays undefeated against David Finlay. Okada runs through Tama Tonga, a man on a mission to regain the prize he believes to be his. Ospreay defeats Phantasmo, and in a BCC vs. BCC contest, Claudio gets past Umino, but congratulates him on a match well-fought.
Ren Narita picks up his second win of the tournament against David Finlay, and Tama Tonga gets his first against GOK. Shota nets one against El Phantasmo, and in a certified banger, Shingo maintains his spotless record, getting past The Swiss Superman. In our main event, we have a rematch from Wrestle Kingdom, as Okada and Ospreay face off! In one of the greatest G1 matches ever, Ospreay manages to pick up the win, capping off a great night.
David Finlay picks up a much-needed victory at the expense of Shooter Shota, while Will Ospreay gets through Ren Narita in a hard-fought contest. Okada beats El Phantasmo, Shingo beats Tama Tonga, and Great-O-Khan chokes out Claudio Castagnoli to close out the night.
After main eventing last time, GOK wins the opener against ELP. Claudo defeats David Finlay, and in a battle of the young guns, Narita squeaks out a win over Umino. Will Ospreay makes quick work of Tama Tonga, and in a HUGE main event, Shingo Takagi finally takes a loss, and it’s to none other than The Rainmaker! We have a three-way tie for first, between Ospreay, Okada and Takagi, each man sporting a 1-1 record against the other two.
El Phantasmo picks up a win over the TV Champion, Ren Narita, and Tama Tonga manages to secure a win over Castagnoli. Our core three of Okada, Takagi and Ospreay go undefeated today, with wins over Finlay, GOK and Shota, respectively. Two nights left, will things open up?
Ren Narita redeems himself for his loss last round, beating Tama Tonga tonight. Shota Umino, with Moxley’s tutelage, gets past Great-O-Khan. Will Ospreay improves to fourteen points, beating David Finlay, and Shingo does the same against El Phantasmo. In our final match of the night, Kazuchika Okada has a tough test in Claudio Castagnoli, but picks up the win! We head into our last night with a distinct possibility of a three-way tie, and a Fatal Four Way final.
Great-O-Khan defeats David Finlay to open the show, and El Phantasmo beats Tama Tonga in a battle of ex-BC guys. Let’s get to the tourney-deciding matches, though. Will Ospreay has a tough test in Claudio Castagnoli, and actually loses to him! If Okada wins his match against Ren Narita, then Ospreay is out, and Okada wins because he has the tiebreaker over Shingo. However, REN NARITA PULLS OFF THE UPSET OF A LIFETIME! He redeems himself for his loss to Okada last year, and it all comes down to Shingo Takagi and Shota Umino. Shingo is on pace to win the match and the block, but Claudio distracts the referee, Moxley hits Takagi with a Death Rider to help his protege out, and Umino gets the victory! WE HAVE A THREE-WAY TIE IN B BLOCK! ALL THREE ADVANCE TO THE FINALS AGAINST TETSUYA NAITO!
NJPW G1 Climax 34: Finals - August 8th, 2024 G1 Climax Finals: Kazuchika Okada vs. Shingo Takagi vs. Tetsuya Naito vs. Will Ospreay
We’ve got the first Fatal Four Way G1 final, and it’s between four former (one of them also current) IWGP World Heavyweight Champions. The match is a banger, which is to be expected with wrestlers of this calibre. None of them are used to multi-man matches, and Okada basically takes himself out of the match with a missed Tope Con Hilo that sends him crashing to the floor. Shingo and Ospreay go at it for a bit, and Ospreay goes for an Oscutter, but he’s caught with a PUMPING BOMBER TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! HE PICKS THE CHAMPION UP! MADE IN JAPAN! HE HITS IT! But before he can go for the cover, Takagi’s stablemate, Tetsuya Naito, sneaks up behind him and plants him with the DESTINOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! TETSUYA NAITO BLINDSIDED HIS OWN GUY, AND HE IS GOING TO THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLE KINGDOM 19!
Road To Royal Quest - Overview
In the lead-up to Royal Quest, the unique circumstances surrounding the G1 Climax set up two big main events for each night of the UK show. On the first night, Kazuchika Okada successfully managed to get himself a shot at the briefcase held by Tetsuya Naito, because in the Fatal Four Way, he was not pinned. Meanwhile, since Shingo Takagi beat Will Ospreay during the G1, he has earned himself a shot at Ospreay’s IWGP World Heavyweight Championship in the main event.
In an interview with Weekly Pro Wrestling, Naito is asked who he’d like to face in the main event of Wrestle Kingdom. After some hesitation, he explains that he’d like to face Ospreay, because he doesn’t want to have to take on his friend, and he likes the idea of being the one to end a year-long championship reign.
Royal Quest: Night One - September 14th, 2024 Kazuchika Okada vs. Tetsuya Naito (c) - G1 Climax Briefcase
In our Night One main event, Kazuchika Okada tries to win the right to challenge Will Ospreay at Wrestle Kingdom, wanting to redeem himself for last year’s loss. Meanwhile, Naito does his very best to hang on to the briefcase that he earned, knowing that he has more career behind him than in front. He wants to maintain his chance at a final World Championship run. In this classic, both men reverse each other’s finishers for almost thirty minutes, but at the end, Naito manages to turn a Rainmaker attempt into a Destino, and he pulls the victory out of the fire! Tetsuya Naito def. Kazuchika Okada in 29:26 to retain the G1 Climax Briefcase
After the match, Shingo Takagi comes out to celebrate with his stablemate! He raises his arm…AND THEN LEVELS HIM WITH A LARIAT! The crowd reacts with shock, The Last Dragon just turned on a man that he’s known since childhood! He backs into the corner, lines up, and hits A BRUTAL PUMPING BOMBER! Picks him back up! MADE IN JAPAN, AND HE IMMEDIATELY GRABS NAITO’S BRIEFCASE AND STARTS SWINGING IT AT HIS SKULL! HE’S CAVING NAITO’S SKULL IN, THE BRIEFCASE IS STAINED WITH BLOOD, AND OFFICIALS FLOOD THE RING TO STOP THE ONSLAUGHT! Shingo Takagi will step into tomorrow night’s main event with a brand new attitude, and Tetsuya Naito’s blood on his hands.
Royal Quest: Night Two - September 15th, 2024 Shingo Takagi vs. Will Ospreay (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
Shingo gets booed for the first time in forever, especially since he’s facing the hometown hero. Ospreay does his very best to put Takagi done, but it’s almost like The Last Dragon just doesn’t feel pain tonight! He eats an Oscutter and just pops right the fuck back up! He ducks a Hidden Blade and turns The Commonwealth Kingpin inside out with a Pumping Bomber! Ospreay manages to regain some control after a Stormbreaker on the outside, but Shingo connects with a huge Headbutt back inside, drags Ospreay to the top rope, and HITS A TOP ROPE MADE IN JAPAN! HOOKS THE LEG! ONE…TWO…THREE! The boos rain down, and Shingo Takagi will face Tetsuya Naito in the main event of Wrestle Kingdom 19! Shingo Takagi def. Will Ospreay in 33:13 to win the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 19 Press Tour - Overview
In the build to the biggest show of the year, Shingo Takagi explains why he did what he did. First of all, he’s had more recent success than Tetsuya Naito has, so it didn’t make sense in the first place to follow Naito as his leader. In the G1 Finals, he snuck up behind Shingo. He could have pinned Ospreay, but CHOSE to disrespect him by pinning him. He brought Yota Tsuji into the fold without even consulting with the rest of LIJ. In his interview with Weekly Pro Wrestling, Naito said that he wanted to face Ospreay, because he didn’t want to fight his friend. Takagi tells him not to worry about it, because he won’t be facing a friend after all.
Naito is pissed. He says that he respects Takagi’s choice to be Ungovernable, but at the same time, he’s a hypocrite, because he’s angry at Naito’s choices! He’s mad that Naito was Ungovernable in his own right, and believes that only his own decisions are the right ones! Yota Tsuji got brought into the fold because she showed heart and honour, and if bringing in a man like that drives out a man like Shingo, then so be it! On the final press conference, the two of them push and shove, throwing chairs at each other while officials hold them apart!
NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 19 - January 4th, 2025 Tetsuya Naito vs. Shingo Takagi (c) - IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
It’s the main event of the most important event of the year, and we have an absolute grudge match. Shingo Takagi and Tetsuya Naito have known each other since before they were professional wrestlers, but Naito has never known a Shingo like this. Shingo walks in as a violent IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, and Tetsuya Naito just wants to lift that championship high above his head in the Tokyo Dome one more time. There’s no lock-up in this one, instead it’s off to the races with forearms!
The match is a violent affair, with Takagi using his size more than ever before! He reverses a Destino, plants Naito with a Michinoku Driver and hits a Backwards Elbow Drop, before thrusting his elbow in the challenger’s face a couple more times for good measure! He hits a multitude of Pumping Bombers, while Naito desperately targets the leg, trying to keep Takagi from being able to pick him up. Naito hits a Missile Dropkick, he locks in the Pluma Blanca, he hits an Esperanza, and it just doesn’t get the job done! He lifts Shingo up and uses all his strength to land a Dragon Suplex, before rolling through and hitting A DESTINOOOO! HOOKS THE LEG! ONE…TWO…TH-NO! Shingo Takagi just can’t be killed!
Tetsuya Naito looks desperate, and he has to reach deep into his bag of tricks. Slowly, deliberately, he climbs to the top rope! Looks back, takes a deep breath, AND GOES FOR THE STARDUST PRESS! LIKE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE, HE CRASHES AND BURNS AS HIS OPPONENT ROLLS AWAY! TAKAGI SCOOPS HIM UP! FIRE THUNDER! PLANTS HIM! COVER! ONE…TWO…THR-NO! Naito still has a little bit of fight left in him! But Shingo signals to the crowd that this one is done, mockingly doing the Los Ingonerables de Japon pose to a chorus of boos, before picking Naito up, lifting him FOR THE MADE IN JAPAN…AND LANDING IT! COVER! ONE…TWO…THREE! NJPW IS FIRMLY IN A NEW ERA, AND IT’S THE ERA OF THE LAST DRAGON! Shingo Takagi def. Tetsuya Naito in 35:36 to retain the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship
2023.05.28 05:09 rylies_shadow *goes to store to buy a shirt, take my tran daughter to men’s section*
So mister, handsome, sir, do you like boxers or briefs better?
I mean, are you more of a boxers or briefs guy?
Boxers or briefs, or do you like something else?
this is a normal and rational question to ask your daughter when buying shirts right?
submitted by rylies_shadow
to transgendercirclejerk [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:03 UniversalHairClinic Male Pattern Baldness Cure: Is There a Permanent Solution?
| || | submitted by UniversalHairClinic to u/UniversalHairClinic [link] [comments]
Have you grown increasingly worried about hair loss? Perhaps you’ve noticed your hairline slowly receding or your hair is thinning on the top of your head? Losing hair can be a distressing experience, especially for men who take pride in their appearance. Unfortunately, male pattern baldness is a reality for many Irish men, with up to 50% experiencing it by age 50. https://preview.redd.it/yb75ozcsmh2b1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3e6b80929a4087422f95deae364d6234e4e4f24
But is it possible to cure baldness once and for all? In this blog, we’ll explore the latest research and insights on male pattern baldness cure
and help you separate fact from fiction when it comes to hair loss treatments.
Understanding Male Pattern Baldness
Male pattern baldness is also known as androgenetic alopecia or hereditary baldness. It is the most prevalent hair loss condition, affecting both men and women. However, it’s more common in men because they have higher levels of testosterone (the hormone that causes male characteristics).
Male pattern baldness is a common condition that affects men and women. It can cause hair loss on the scalp, forehead, and temples. The hair loss pattern in this condition typically follows a specific pattern, starting with a receding hairline and thinning hair on the crown of the head.
Its exact cause is unknown, but it’s thought to be due to an interplay of genetics and hormones. Specifically, experts believe it is caused by a combination of genes from both parents that make hair follicles more sensitive to a hormone called dihydrotestosterone (DHT).
DHT is a by-product of testosterone and can cause hair follicles to shrink and produce thinner and shorter hair. Over time, the affected hair follicles may become dormant and stop producing hair, resulting in baldness.
While genetics and hormones are the primary factors determining whether someone will develop male pattern baldness and to what degree, other things may also contribute to the condition. These include age, stress, certain medications, and underlying medical conditions such as thyroid disease.
Current Male Pattern Baldness Treatments in Ireland
If you have androgenetic alopecia, know that several treatment options are available to help manage or slow down hair loss. Hair loss products
and prescription medications containing active ingredients like minoxidil
and finasteride are the most widely used treatments for pattern hair loss. These ingredients have shown promising results in slowing down or preventing further hair loss for some individuals. Finasteride is a prescription medication that works by blocking the hormone that causes hair loss, while minoxidil is a topical solution that stimulates hair growth.📷
For those seeking more permanent solutions, hair transplant and scalp reduction surgeries are also available in Ireland. While these procedures can be costly and require anaesthesia, they offer long-lasting results that can be life-changing for individuals struggling with hair loss.
In addition to these treatments, Platelet-Rich Plasma (PRP) Therapy and Low-Level Laser Therapy (LLLT) are also gaining popularity in Ireland. PRP therapy involves using a patient’s blood to extract platelets and plasma, which are then injected into the scalp to help stimulate hair growth. On the other hand, laser hair growth
or low-level laser therapy uses specialised lasers to increase blood flow to the scalp and hair follicles. It’s important to note that, while these treatments are effective, they do not work for everyone. Results can vary depending on the individual.
So, it’s best to consult with a hair and scalp specialist to determine the most appropriate treatment plan based on your needs.
Why Available Male Pattern Baldness Treatments Are Not Permanent Solutions
While current treatments can help slow down hair loss or promote hair growth, it’s important to understand that these are not considered cures for male pattern baldness.
In medical terms, a cure eliminates the underlying cause of a condition, resulting in a complete resolution or healing. In contrast, a treatment is an intervention that aims to alleviate or manage the symptoms of a condition, without necessarily eliminating the underlying cause.
While medications, low-level laser therapy, hair transplant surgery, and other treatments address male pattern baldness symptoms, they do not address the underlying cause. This means, if you stop the medications or procedures, the hair loss will continue or progress. As such, these treatments cannot be considered a cure for male pattern baldness.
It’s important to note that this does not mean that available treatments for male pattern baldness are ineffective. In fact, they are proven to help individuals manage their hair loss and improve their appearance.
However, it’s essential to have realistic goals when seeking treatment for male pattern baldness. Understanding that these treatments do not cure androgenetic alopecia can help you make informed decisions and manage your expectations.
Why Is There Still No Male Pattern Baldness Cure?
Despite numerous studies and medical advancements, a cure for male pattern baldness remains elusive. Let’s explore why there are still no permanent solutions to this hair loss condition.
Complex Genetic Factors
Genetic factors primarily influence male pattern baldness, making it a complex condition to tackle. Multiple genes are involved in determining an individual’s susceptibility to hair loss, and their interactions are not fully understood. Finding a single solution that can reverse or modify the underlying genetic predisposition is a formidable task.
Hormonal imbalances, specifically the hormone dihydrotestosterone (DHT), play a crucial role in male pattern baldness. DHT causes hair follicles to shrink, leading to shorter hair growth cycles and thinner strands.
While some treatments for baldness
aim to inhibit DHT production or its effects, completely blocking this hormone without causing adverse side effects is challenging. Achieving a delicate balance is essential to prevent unwanted hormonal disruptions.
Individual Variations Each person’s experience with male pattern baldness is unique, with variations in the hair loss rate and pattern.
Some individuals may respond positively to specific treatments, while others may not experience the same level of success. The complexity and diversity of responses make it difficult to develop a universally effective cure.
Hair follicle regeneration is a complex biological process. Stimulating dormant hair follicles to regrow hair and sustain long-term growth requires a deep understanding of the intricate mechanisms involved. While advancements have been made in hair transplant techniques and regenerative medicine, fully restoring hair to its original density and quality remains a challenge.
Slow and Expensive Research and Development Process
Developing new treatments for hair loss conditions
like male pattern baldness is a slow and expensive process. It can take years of research and clinical trials before a new treatment is approved for use. Moreover, the cost of developing new treatments is also high, which can limit the number of studies that can be conducted.
Lack of Funding
There is also a lack of funding and investment in male pattern baldness research. Why? Androgenetic alopecia
is not a life-threatening condition. So, it is not receiving the same level of funding as other medical conditions that are more urgent. While understandable, a limited budget significantly slows down the progress of research and limits the potential for finding a cure quickly.
New Research in Male Baldness Cure
While there is currently no cure for this balding, there are new studies that offer hope for a permanent solution. One of the most promising developments is stem cell therapy, which uses the body’s own cells to grow new hair follicles and treat balding areas.
Researchers have found that stem cells can be used to regenerate hair follicles in mice. Clinical trials are underway to test this treatment’s effectiveness in humans.
Another potential treatment for male pattern baldness is gene therapy. This involves inserting genes into skin cells or other types of tissue, so they produce proteins that can reverse hair loss and stimulate growth. Recent studies have shown that a group of genes called the Wnt signalling pathway stimulated the growth of hair follicles in mice when activated. As a result, researchers are exploring the possibility of using this gene to treat baldness in humans.
In addition to stem cell and gene therapy, there is ongoing research into cloning hair follicles. This involves taking hair follicles from a patient’s scalp, cloning them in a lab, and then injecting them back into the scalp to create new hairs. While this treatment is still in the experimental stages, early results have been promising.
Clearly, the advancements in research provide a glimpse of hope for people suffering from male pattern baldness. While these treatments are still being tested and refined, the progress made so far is encouraging. Hence, it may not be long before a cure for this prevalent hair loss condition.
In conclusion, male pattern baldness can be a frustrating and distressing condition. While we may not have a cure for it yet, ongoing research is bringing us closer to a solution. To add, as the world awaits further breakthroughs, experts focus on improving existing treatments and enhancing the quality of life for those affected by male pattern baldness.
So, you don’t really need to wait until a permanent solution is found. There are many effective treatments for male pattern baldness that can help you prevent further hair loss and achieve hair growth. It is also worth mentioning that the earlier you address the problem, the higher the chances of achieving favourable results.
So, act now and consult a hair loss specialist
in Ireland who can provide a personalised treatment plan based on your needs and using the latest scientific knowledge. By taking proactive steps to address hair loss, you can improve the health and appearance of your hair and enhance your quality of life. Worried you might be suffering from male pattern baldness? Don’t wait for a miracle cure, but also don’t settle for temporary fixes! Explore our comprehensive range of male pattern baldness treatments. Take the first step towards a lasting solution and schedule a consultation today. Call us on +353 (0)1 679 3618 or email us at [email protected]!
2023.05.28 05:00 Kazevenikov Cryptid Chronicle - Chapter 30
A special thanks to u/bluefishcake
for the wonderful original story and sandbox to play in.
A special thanks to my editors LordHenry7898, RandomTinkerer, Swimming_Good_8507, CatsInTrenchcoats, and KLiCKonthat.
And a big thanks to the authors and their stories that inspired me to tell my own in this universe. RandomTinkerer (City Slickers and Hayseeds), Punnynfunny (Denied Operations), CompassWithHat (Top Lasgun), CarCU131 (The Cook), and Rhion-618 (Just One Drop)
Hy’shq’e Ay Si’am (Thank you noble friends)
Chapter 30: A Promise Kept
Kalai stepped off the shuttle to the Vaida’s headquarters and into a running tackle-hug from Sitry. “Oh Kalai, I could kill you right now
! You got to see the Great Barrier Reef in person, you bitch!” Sitry’s cheerful voice was muffled from where she was still buried in her chest. Kalai staggered backwards a pace or two, happy to be back from her whirlwind adventure around Earth with her father.
Naranjo and Papa Rhaxiid were there on the platform to welcome her back too, but their welcomes were more sedate.
“Not to mention you got out of work for half our damn trip. Ugh, it’s so
not fair!” Naranjo huffed as Kalai gave him a sisterly hug.
Papa Rhaxiid reached up and chucked her chin before turning to lead the way back inside from the forested platform. “Welcome back, sweet-sprout, we’ve missed you. Come on, we’ll get you settled again and off to work. There’s quite a bit you need to catch up on if you want your credits.”
The chuckles from the twins behind her were full of sibling malice, but she knew how to shut the pair of them up. “Papa Rhaxiid? I’ve got the paper on Biodiversity in the Reef you asked for, along with the dissection report and stomach content analysis of the tuna we caught. I want to put the finishing touches on it and do a final proofread first before I send them to you.” The man turned and gave her a warm smile as they entered the building.
“Good, why don’t you go take your things back up and say hello to Andy? I’ll give you an hour and a half to get freshened up, then I want you to report to Aquarium 12 with Dr. Sor’ansa. You can put your snorkeling practice to work there.” Papa Rhaxiid walked the three of them to the residential elevator. “I’m heading back to my office. Andy’s been requested by Maetro Pae’ella to work the kitchens for something called ‘Bison burgers'. Apparently it’s a type of indigenous bovine that the eastern Bands raise. That and something from Europe called ‘French Fries’.”
Kalai couldn’t help but get excited as she and her siblings piled into the elevator back to their little shared apartment. Sure the food she’d had all over the place was good, but so far nothing had been able to compare to Andy and his Salishian cooking.
“Nerd, I can’t believe you cheated and did work on your vacation." Naranjo broke the silence of the elevator after a little bit and stuck his tongue out at her.
“Spit to windward
, you vain little weed. Don’t hate me because I’m awesome.” Kalai’s riposte caused Naranjo to fold his arms and huff. Sitry simply ambushed her with an ear flick.
The elevator door opened to their floor before Kalai couldn’t bear the silence from Sitry any longer. “So, did you bag him yet, you lucky bitch?”
“No she hasn’t!” Naranjo’s singsong mockery of his sister interrupted Sitry’s response. “Papa hasn’t let Sitry even NEAR Andy without one of them around!”
“Rub it in, you snitch, besides, he did
kiss me first,” Sitry preened happily as she playfully shoved Kalai’s shoulder.
Kalai pretended to stumble and almost caught Sitry’s foot, but she was just a hair too slow. “Yeah, and then you gave him a black eye, you clod.”
“Will you let it go? It was an accident
“It’s not even the only one he got either." Naranjo’s interjection stopped her right in front of their door.
“Wait, what? Who hurt him this time?
” Kalai let her bag thunk to the floor as she turned to look accusingly between Sitry and Narny.
Sitry folded her arms and her ears twitched back as she shot a dark look at their door. “He ‘fell down’ yesterday while out at one of the Hatcheries we gave to the Hwatcoms. Mrs. Toloui nearly had a fit! She said she could smell another human on him and that he was covered in blood!”
Narny nodded primly as Kalai tried to process what they were telling her. “WHAT? Did she call out the militia? Track down whoever hurt him?”
“No, and he refused treatment and insisted that no one did it to him! When papa tried to talk to him, Andy said some stupid human macho shit about pain healing and birds liking scars. I don’t know, sometimes humans… they’re frickin’ insane!”
The door shot open and there stood Andy. His left eye was an angry puffy yellow and blue mess, and there were three points on his lips where a dark cinnabar line marked a crack. Kalai and her siblings stood in wide eyed shock at his sudden appearance and the only sound was the music emanating from the common room behind him.
Andy looked up and down at the three without saying a word. He cocked an eyebrow and snagged Kalai’s bag before any of them could react and cleared the doorway for them.
Kalai sputtered at the impropriety but Naranjo and Sitry just shrugged and walked in after Andy. “Femboys, am I right?” Narny whispered to Kalai as he passed. Kalai followed behind and was greeted by the white fluff-ball, Puck, who hopped up and down, whining for attention. She bent down and started scratching his ears and back. While Puck rubbed up against her hands, Andy settled back down at the table where his omnipad was hooked up to a keypad. Her heart started to sink a bit and Kalai shot Sitry a jealous look before the music came to a sudden halt and Andy interrupted the beginnings of her pity party.
“Ok, Kem’ira, I got the pics now and I’m telling you to declare yourself
to the farmers first
! I guarantee if you tell them you’re with the new DNR and you’re there to kill all the Scotch Broom in their pasture lands, they’ll stop trying to shoot you for trespassing!”
Kalai’s mood jumped up a bit. It’s not that he doesn’t care to see me, he’s in a meeting!
“No, no I’m not coming out to talk this over with them, I’ve got my own work to do! Either you start talking to folks like I showed you how, or ask the militia to give you one of their armored catsuits to wear under your uniform… Uh-huh, good luck." Andy hung up on the call and leaned back as Puck scampered over and hopped up in his lap.
Andy rubbed his temples before shaking his head. He seemed to relax a bit and Puck slid off to follow Sitry to the kitchen. Andy looked over and gave Kalai a happy smile that made her flush. “Welcome back! So how was the land down under? That tuna was fan-frickin’-tastic, if you aren’t sick of seafood I’ll do something fancy with it tomorrow to celebrate your coming back. Can’t tonight though, I got volun-told to be head chef tonight and I… Oh damnit! I’m late! Come to dinner, burgers and fries Indian style tonight. Gotta run!” With that, Andy went dashing out the door with Puck barking and scrambling along after him.
Kalai felt her heart sink back down again, as he left. “Andy I-” She started but he was gone.
“Yeah, it’s been like that for the whole week. The only time we get to hang out is dinner.” Sitry commiserated as she took Kalai’s bag into their room. “On the other hand, we might get to catch up during the family meal tonight.” The dinner was delicious, though a bit weird. It tasted alright, but there was a certain aftertaste on the sandwich that just didn’t sit right with Kalai. She just couldn’t put her finger on it. The french fries more than made up for it though, and Mama Sakalbi had to hold a science trivia contest to see who got the last little handful.
Kalai and Narny were already silently plotting with each other for their revenge against their sister who had won and refused to share the last few matchsticks when Andy finally joined their table. He was sweaty and he smelled of woodsmoke and french fries. Kalai jumped up and offered him a seat next to her with a nervous smile. He took it gratefully and seemed to sag a bit as he gulped down a glass of water.
“Andy, I think you may be finding your calling as a culinary ambassador,” Mama Aftasia beamed. “A toast to the chef!”
Andy gave a shy smile and looked down as Kalai and the rest of the family gave a hearty ‘Here, here!”
“It’s a simple enough recipe; it’s just using bison instead of cow, that’s all, and I don’t know anyone who’d turn down hand cut fresh fries. It’s kind of hard to screw up.”
“Young man, you are speaking to a woman who found a way to take cold water and dried wumpa flakes and wind up with a Class-4 fire. Cooking has always seemed like ‘blight mysticism’ to me, and these foods? These flavors? Nothing short of a Greenwood miracle in my opinion." Mama Aftasia continued her praise of Andy, which only caused him to shrink even lower in his seat.
“To be honest, I like your salmon better,” Kalai said, and the whole table went silent. Kalai held her ground though, and was rewarded with a tired but genuine laugh from Andy that brought him back out of his shell.
“You know, I do too. My Clan were fisherpeople, not buffalo chasers.” Andy gave Kalai a cheeky grin, which she returned happily, her heart glowing. Mama Aftasia and Mama Sakalbi both blinked in bemusement at Andy’s statement while Sitry just giggled.
“Speaking of which, Andy, I received a call from Elder Alex Hwatcom.” Papa Rhaxiid’s change of subject instantly perked Andy up, and he stared silently, waiting. “He extended an invitation to our family to attend his family gathering this Friday-”
“Alex said that? He used those words?” Andy shook his head in shock as he interrupted Papa Rhaxiid. The table went quiet and everyone held their breath as they looked between the two men.
Papa Rhaxiid adopted as good an impression of the human Elder as he could. “I’d like to extend an invitation for you and your family to be guests at our family gathering this saturday up at the White… something… lodge-”
“The White Ram Lodge?” Andy sat forward, interjecting again as the color drained from his face.
“Yes, that’s the one! I asked if we could bring anything since the last time they hosted us they put on that wonderful spread. He said if we could bring a few salmon for the family, that would be wonderful.”
Andy leaned back and took another sip of ice water before holding the glass to his blackened eye. “Alex Hwatcom… just invited you… to a gathering… and he told you to ‘bring a few salmon’? Do you realize what a huge honor this is?”
Rhaxiid looked from his wives to his children with mild concern. “Um, I thought it was only dinner, but your reaction tells me there’s more significance to this than I originally thought. I was thinking about our stocks of adult Sockeye, but then I remembered in his story how important King Salmon are. Of course, I’d like to defer to you for the choice since you know these animals and the cultural expectations with this invitation better than we do.”
Andy was silent for a moment before he put the glass down. “I’d recommend a ‘hard no’ to all your clone stock!” Now it was the Vaidas’ turn to be shocked, as each of Kalai’s Erbian family’s jaws dropped in synch. Before anyone could say anything, Andy continued, “You need to bring wild-caught. Farm-raised salmon wouldn’t… well we can tell, and you can taste the difference between them. We need to go fishing!” Kalai leaned towards Andy slightly as he lowered his head and started mumbling to himself. She was just able to make out what he was saying to himself as Mama Sakalbi and Mama Aftasia began whispering to each other. “...need to get the Gillnetter out of storage, check what’s running and select the mesh. I’m gonna need a deckhand too.”
Kalai reached a hand out but stopped short of touching him. “Andy?”
He popped up and spoke for the whole table to hear. “I need a shuttle to the mainland and a waiver against the fishing ban. I’ve got to get my boat and the drum ready for sea ” Rhaxiid and Aftasia sputtered in confusion, but Mama Sakalbi had a shadow fall over her, and her ears pulled back.
“Do you mean to say you want to go out on the water? Risk the ecological balance for… dinner?”
Andy looked Sakalbi dead in the eye and gave her a firm nod. “Why don’t you come out and see how we did this before you got here. Think of it as a chance to see the way we’ve fished for the last hundred or so years, and then I can explain the way we used to fish before that.”
The offer snapped Rhaxiid out of his confusion and he brightened. “A learning experience? Wonderful, we’ll make a day of it!” His hands shot out to grab both his wives’ and Kalai could feel the vibrations in the floor from where he was excitedly tapping his feet.
“If you don’t mind hard, smelly work. Uncle Willy always called it ‘the worst desk in the prettiest office.' It’ll be a bit cramped, but I’ve got room on the boat for a few guests and observers; four I think would be ok. She’s a working boat, not a pleasure cruiser,” Andy explained. That sent the whole lot of them excitedly talking among themselves.
Kalai was about to lean in to talk to Mama Aftasia, but Andy caught her attention first. “I don’t suppose you’d want to go back out on the water, given you just got back from pleasure-boating-”
Kalai’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest. “I wouldn’t miss it for my own colony planet!”
Kalai stood on the pier, bundled in her thermal sailor’s coat. It was still dark and the wind blew from the north in a cold little morning breeze. Kalai took a deep breath and reveled in the smell of the fresh sea air. The soft chattering of Mama Sakalbi’s teeth broke the silence. “It’s a bit chillier than it said it was going to be.”
“The water always does that. It’s never as warm as the lubbers say it’ll be,” Papa spoke as he handed her back her thermos of hot chocolate.
Papa stood next to Kalai and nudged her with his elbow. Even in the dark, Kalai could see him smile up at her and jerk his head at the shivering Erbian. He was also wearing a thermal sailor’s coat, and his hands were stuffed in his pockets to keep them warm, just like Kalai’s. “Landswoman,” he whispered to her and the two of them shared a knowing smile. It was strange, but welcome when she'd told Papa about her upcoming day fishing with Andy, and he’d politely requested to join them. Papa Rhaxiid had graciously given his spot up to accommodate her birth father. Narny was all for it until Andy had explained what they were going to do, but then surrendered his challenge to the fourth guest space, not wanting to go anywhere NEAR anything that could see him come face to face with a Lion’s Mane Jelly. Sitry had done a happy little dance when she found out, but only yesterday had come down with Thistle Fever, and was bundled off to bed by her parents. It left Kalai, Mama Sakalbi, and Papa to accompany Andy on his fishing trip.
The water brushed against the shore behind them quietly. In the gloom, Kalai could just barely make out the outline of the nearest island mountain, but only because the stars had disappeared behind it. It was almost four in the morning, but Kalai had managed a catnap on the shuttle to the empty little lot that had been the boat launch. Aside from the water, the world was silent. Even the breeze made almost no noise and a sense of peace surrounded them. Everything was so calm, Kalai felt like she didn’t have a care in the world.
In the distance, a low rumbling sound of a motor rose from being almost imperceptible to a rolling drum of thunder. From around the point, two green floating lights sped through the darkness, and a spotlight turned on. The beam of light moved jerkily until it came to rest on the pier where they were standing and Kalai started waving her arms. Sakalbi’s omnipad rang, and Andy’s voice shouted over the speaker and the background noise for them to shine a light on the edge of the pier to help him park the boat.
Kalai and Papa moved closer and turned their omnipad flashlights on and waved them as the boat swung gracefully around and glided in alongside them. Kalai caught the rope that flew over the railing of the boat and she heard more than saw Andy moving around on the deck as she tied off on one of the mooring cleats. Several lights clicked on and the deck was bathed in light enough for Kalai to get a clear view of the boat they’d be spending the day on.
Andy hadn’t lied. Kalai saw that this little vessel was a working boat with no frills at all. When he’d told her they’d be going fishing, she’d envisioned something like the charter boat papa had taken her on out of Nantucket. Sporty, fast with a nod to comfort and function. This was not that at all. A giant wheel as wide as Kalai’s outstretched arms that looked like a sideways spool of thread was secured to the deck amidships and dominated the deckspace. Wrapped around it was a fluorescent green tangle with a line of oblong white and yellow corks and rope. There was a covered hatchway sitting behind the drum in front of the raised step to the enclosed cabin. Two large windows let the light out to two children’s bunks, a little table with a booth seat and a raised captain’s chair in front of the helm and engine controls. Andy shut down the engine and that peaceful stillness returned.
“Oway there!” Kalai called, “ship oway! Request permission to come aboard.” Kalai gave the traditional greeting of a Shil’vati sailor.
“Permission granted! Anyone need a stepstool?” Andy finally stepped into the light and Kalai got a look at him. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and the same bright orange coveralls she’d seen the fishmongers wearing on their date.
“I wouldn’t mind a hand, Mr. Shelokset.” Papa He’osforos braced a foot on the railing of the boat and Andy pulled him up.
“Just call me Andy, Doc, and welcome aboard. Jackie should be along any minute now with the day’s groceries, and the cabin’s out of the cold. You can get yourself set wherever you find comfortable.” Papa nodded and disappeared around the other side of the wheel moving towards the bow.
Kalai helped Mama Sakalbi into the boat next, and she quickly ducked into the cabin that took up the entire stern section save for a little ledge that ran along the outside. Andy gripped Kalai’s hand and she smiled as he pulled her deftly aboard. The boat rocked a little on its mooring, and Kalai almost fell into Andy, who wordlessly put his arms around her waist to catch her as she lost her balance. She flailed for a moment before she steadied herself against him.
“Gotcha,” Andy smiled, and Kalai could see him flush almost as much as she could feel herself doing as their noses almost touched. Those big dark brown eyes surrounded by white orbs drew her in and she felt she could lose herself in them. Kalai started as Andy danced her around him and moved her towards the cabin door.
“It might be a little cramped for you in there, but the Mary Jean wasn’t built for pleasure boating, she’s a working girl. Sit tight, I gotta check a few things in the back.” Andy patted the railing affectionately before he hopped up and scooted along the outside of the cabin towards the stern. Kalai couldn’t help the little longing groan that came out as he left her there on the little tiny quarterdeck. Her heart was hammering in her chest as half formed fantasies danced at the edges of her mind.
“I saw that, little minnow.” Papa’s voice was soft, but his tone and the sudden broken silence nearly gave her a heart attack.
Kalai could only stammer as her father stared at her with a cocked eyebrow. A thump from the cabin window behind saw an amused Mama Sakalbi daintily sipping at her thermos with her ears twitched forward in interest, staring out at her. “Papa I… he-”
Papa moved carefully around the covered hatchway to stand next to her, leaning back against the cabin window and heaved a sigh. “I must say I’m surprised. This lovely man’s got good clean lines and is very well cared for. It speaks well of his Skipper.”
It took a full minute for Kalai’s brain to process that he was talking about the boat and not Andy. “And the way Andy brought him in smooth in near complete darkness? It gives me confidence in his abilities.”
Kalai breathed a silent sigh of relief and exasperation. Although she was happy to be spending more time with her father, bringing him on what she’d hoped would be a sailing date wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind for ‘family time’. He wants me to find a nice young man and spend time with him on a boat, but the first chance I get Papa decides to clam-jam me.
From up on shore, the sound and lights of a large human vehicle screeching to a halt heralded the last of their party to arrive. Kalai heard the clomping footsteps coming down the pier and moved to the railing to lend a hand.
“Ahoy Mary Jean! Raggedy Andy, you there?” Kalai stared with wide eyed surprise to see a human female, loaded down with plastic bags and sporting two human weapons on her shoulder. The two of them locked eyes, and while Kalai didn’t understand everything the girl shouted in surprise, she had caught and understood the phrase, “What the fuck?”
“Easy now, they’re my guests, and the one inside is the boss!” Andy appeared on the pier instantly before either Kalai or the woman could react further.
“Ya didn’t tell me we were having pur-” The woman glared at Kalai and her father. She had switched to Vatikre thankfully, but her tone was hostile as she dropped everything but her weapons. “I mean, hwun’eetums, aboard. A gal could get the wrong idea pretty quick in the dark when there’s no warning.”
“Knock it off Jackie. Let’s get the grub aboard and shove off.” Andy picked up some of the bags and took the guns as Kalai offered a helping hand over the railing. “Oh, Kalai, this is Jackie. Jackie? Kalai. That’s her dad over there, Doc He’osforos. He saw and treated Kay Tee a few years back.” Andy jerked his head towards the direction of Kalai’s father as she held out a hand to the human girl. On a quick inspection, she appeared to be about the same age as her and Andy. She had a round face and was about as dark complected as Andy was. She was shorter, only a few inches taller than Papa, but when Jackie grabbed Kalai’s hand to hop up onto the rail, she could feel the strength and the compact muscle hidden by the baggy sweatshirt and pants.
“Wait a minute, did you say Mini-Me over there saw Kay Tee? You’re fuckin’ with me!” Jackie stumbled a bit as she hopped down onto the deck with a loud thunk and advanced on Papa who shrank away at her advance. “You saw li’l Kay Tee? Where the fuck is he? Is he alright? Is he still fighting the good fight?”
“Last I saw, yes, he was ‘fighting the good fight.’” Papa looked over at Andy with a slightly worried expression. Andy smacked the girl in the back of the head, causing her to flinch and she opened the door to the cabin for Andy to go inside.
Jackie rubbed the back of her head and laughed. “Well that’s a little bit of alright, innit? Maybe today’s gonna be a good day after all!”
“Jackie, get suited up and get on the bow. I need a good pair of eyes on the roller horns,” Kalai heard Andy shout from the cabin, followed by a whole lot of thumping and banging from cabinets being opened and closed.
“You got it, ol’ man. We going to your place or mine?” Jackie sidestepped in and opened a tiny little closet and pulled out a set of rain gear that was identical to what Andy was wearing. Kalai collected herself and stood in the doorway next to her father as they both leaned in.
“Mine; Chuck said the Yaw’much are running from the South. We’ll do a set nor’west of Lummi in the Rosario and see if we can get some Fraser Kings,” Andy replied as he turned the engine back on and the vessel roared to life.
“Chuck? Isn’t that one of your cousins? I didn’t know he could keep track of the movements of Salmon, may I ask how he does it?” Mama Sakalbi perked up as she pulled a set of earplugs out of a pocket and inserted them.
Andy prevaricated a bit, looking from Jackie back to Sakalbi then to Kalai and Papa. “I’d rather not answer that-”
“Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law! Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law!”
Jackie began singing a human song, and Andy threw her the dirtiest of looks as she finished getting into the orange coveralls. Mama Sakalbi sputtered as Andy shrugged apologetically.
“Make a hole!” Jackie called, and she and Andy came back out as Kalai and Papa made room for them. Andy hopped back onto the dock to cast off while Papa ducked into the cabin.
“Can I help?” Kalai offered as Andy shoved the vessel off and leapt the gap over the black water below.
“You want to be useful? Come forward! I could use an extra set of eyes!” Jackie called back, and Kalai felt a slap on her shoulder from the boisterous human woman.
Andy stood at the helm, watching Jackie and Kalai as he leaned to get a better view of them past the Net drum. The bow was lifting up again, and the gentle little swells became like speed bumps, jostling them up and down in a predictable bouncing rhythm.
“Are you sure you couldn’t slow down, Andy? It’s a bit rough, don’t you think?” Sakalbi was hanging on to the table and her thermos with a worried expression on her face.
“I could, but we’ll miss the morning set. We want to bomb out the buoy right when the tide changes. If we’re lucky, then we’ll get around seventy or eighty by slack tide this afternoon and call it a day.”
“How do you know where to fish?” Dr. He’osforos was making a good show of standing and maintaining his balance with his hand on the booth.
“Well, there’s two ways you know. The first is you fish the spots your family’s fished since time began. Every family has about two or three different secret spots that we know there’s fish in, and we’re pretty defensive about their locations. The second is by smell. Right now it’s the tail end of the King season, and you can smell them in the water.” Andy turned and saw the incredulity etched on the faces of the two aliens.
“No, I’m serious! King Salmon slime is really pungent, and you can smell them when they’re close to the surface. We get to the fishing spot and take a deep whiff. If we smell them, we’ll set the nets.” Andy laughed at the disbelief on their faces as the GPS on his omnipad beeped and he turned to sail around the last buoy and head for the fishing ground.
“I’ve never noticed that in any of the Kings we’ve raised-”
Andy suppressed a laugh as they caught a larger swell as they left the lee of Lummi Island. Andy reveled in the feeling of weightlessness as the deck rose up and fell out from underneath their feet, leaving everyone suspended for a moment in midair before falling back down. A massive spray of water rose and washed over the deck, drenching Kalai and Jackie, who were still forward. “Cloned and farmed Kings don’t have that same smell. Wild ones smell and taste different, I’m telling you!” Andy pulled back slightly on the throttle as they climbed the next swell. “Brace!” he called as they climbed and fell once again.
There was a look of fear on Sakalbi’s face as she gripped the table for dear life, but to Andy’s surprise, the Doctor looked completely unfazed, and was handling the rise and fall of the deck like an old salt. “You look like you’ve done this before, Doc.”
“I’ve done a stint or two at sea before,” he spoke, in the same tone Andy would have used when trying not to sound too confident, and Andy smiled.
“Kalai keeps talking about loving the sea and sailing. Did you teach her to sail?”
“Yes, me and her mothers. When they were home, we would take the family yacht out in the Vaascon Straits and sail around the Occidiens. Kalai practically spent all her early childhood on a sailboat.”
“And almost every waking moment on one in Junior Academy. I swear you couldn’t dig her out with a trowel when she wanted to go sailing,” Sakalbi managed to add in a word as the boat slowed, and the dramatic rise and fall of the deck slowed with it.
“What about you, Mr. Shelokset, did your father teach you to sail too?”
“I was too young before he passed. My Great Uncle Willy taught me after I came home, and Grandma took me out to the family fishing sites when she wasn’t busy with the Council. For the first two or three years after they let us come home, fishing was the only way to feed our families, but the Militia and the Cambrians would try and sink our boats or arrest us whenever we tried to go out.”
“And that’s why you’re so good at maneuvering your vessel in the dark with no instruments?” Mrs. Vaida had folded her arms, and her voice twinged with that imperious tone she’d had when they’d first met.
Andy huffed a dry laugh. “I did what I had to for me and my people and to survive, Ma’am. I don’t like breaking the law or dodging lasers and gunfire, but there’s a lot of poor families that need to eat.”
The GPS beeped, and Andy gave Mrs. Vaida a slightly defiant look to counter her furrowed brow. “We’re here,” he said as he threw the engine in neutral and opened the cabin door.
Andy walked out and took a deep breath, but all he could smell was the net and the exhaust from the engine. “HEY JACKIE! WE SMELL MONEY?” Andy yelled out as he took stock of the sky. The first signs of sunrise were chasing all but the morning stars away and a light fog was rolling in from the north.
“FUCK YEAH I CAN SMELL ‘EM, ANDY! LET’S BOMB OUT AND GET BREAKFAST GOING!” Jackie looked slightly manic as she smiled brightly. Kalai, on the other hand, looked wet and miserable as she shivered, arms wrapped around herself. Andy gave his cousin a disgusted look as he pieced together what had happened. Every deckhand learned when to duck behind the raised bow and the roller horns that guided the nets so as not to get a faceful of spray when cutting through a swell. It was also a classic hazing trick for Senior Deckhands to let Junior Deckhands learn this the hard way.
Andy moved forward to stand in front of the two of them. Kalai was trying to squeeze her coat dry, but Andy knew it wouldn’t do much good until the sun came out. Jackie at least had the sense to look a little remorseful. “Kalai, why don’t you go sit in the cabin and get out of that wet coat. It’s cold enough out here even for us-”
“No way, Andy. Junior deckhand Kally here wants to impress you and get her dainty soft hands dirty! She’s been bragging about being a sailorwoman and wants to learn to fish ‘your way!” Jackie gave Kalai’s shoulder a wet slap as the poor alien woman went blue. Out of cold or embarrassment, Andy couldn’t tell.
All Andy could do was shake his head and huff. “Ok then! Secure the buoy and sling on my mark. I’ll get us in position!” Andy couldn’t help but chuckle as he heard Jackie start ordering Kalai about. Andy went back into the cabin and looked in the closet/bathroom to see if there was anything hanging up that he could give Kalai. There was only the one rain slicker and a few of Andy’s old sweaters from when he was a lot smaller. Well, looks like I’ll just be cold today. He quickly stripped out of his sweatshirt and grabbed the slicker before throwing a switch on the main control. Dr. He’osforos and Mrs. Vaida threw him quizzical looks as he went back outside wearing less than when he came in. He was down to a sleeveless shirt and his coveralls, and the morning breeze cut right through him and he braced his jaw to keep it from chattering.
“We’re ready to go- Andy, why are you practically naked from the waist up?” Kalai was staring wide eyed at him as he approached her and Jackie was on the bow. Jackie had everything ready; the buoy line was strung through the horns and ready to toss out. A giant orange and blue beach ball sized float hung at the end of the line to mark the end and make it easier to pick up later.
“Trade me your coat for these. If Jackie’s putting you to work, you’ll need these to keep warm.”
“I’m alright, I can-”
“I’m the Skipper of this boat, and I’m ordering you to take off that wet coat and put these on; and Jackie?” Andy gave his cousin a long and piercing look. “Give her the elbow gloves, not the halfsies.”
The scoff and the muttered Salishian profanities meant he’d read the next prank she’d had in mind right. She was planning on giving her the cloth gloves with only the palms and fingers coated in rubber. While perfectly fine for fishing, Andy knew they tended to get soaked through very quickly and did nothing to keep jellyfish stingers and fish slime off your hands. Kalai sputtered for a moment before she complied gratefully and she accepted the dry clothes and rain slicker.
Andy saw Jackie give him a strange look before looking back at Kalai, but he paid it no mind. He walked back to the controls on the drum and switched off the hydraulics, placing the mechanism in neutral. “SLING IT!” Andy called as he took the small jerry rigged steering wheel and threw the boat in reverse. Kalai jumped as the line started unspooling the net into the water at a rapid pace.
Andy set an ‘S’ bend in the quarter mile long net, zigzagging backwards until they came to the end of the line. Andy stopped the boat as Jackie tied off the other large buoy and tossed it over the side, unstringing the cork-line from the roller horns in the process. He pulled hard over and put a bit of distance from the net before shutting the engine down. The line of white and yellow corks marking the net bobbed lazily with the swells as silence settled over the water again. The waves rocked the boat gently as Andy found his sea legs again.
“Alright, I’ll get breakfast going. Jackie, Kalai? Post the watch for seals,” Andy called as he walked back into the cabin to fire up the tiny little gas stove.
Sakalbi, having found the confidence to stand at last, poked her head out of the cabin and stood on by the hatch to the fish hold. “Seals? Why would you need to watch for seals?”
Andy grit his teeth and looked over from where he was cracking open and scrambling eggs. “They’re the spawn of Satan and we hate their guts!” Andy bit out. Jackie came back and pulled the two shotguns and a pair of binoculars from the closet. Andy reached over to a side cabinet and pulled out a box of shells for them. Both his boss and the Doctor’s eyes got wide.
“Seals are the enemy of our blood. Were it not for the invasion, our unending war against these vermin would continue to this day!” Jackie growled as she loaded one for herself and rested the other on Andy’s seat at the helm.
The look of growing horror on Sakalbi’s face towards their facetious declarations caused Andy to chuckle a bit, before launching into an explanation. “We’re not fans of the species because they’ll wait until a fish gets caught in the net and then they’ll steal it, costing us a fish AND ripping a big hole in our nets that we then have to take time to repair. We use the shotguns and buckshot to give them a nice welt and convince them not to hang around, because they’ll wait up on the surface and watch the buoys, just like us. A single seal can and will take between five and ten fish. The worst is when they start getting full, they’ll just bite out the bellies of a salmon in the net. We can’t really do anything with that fish once it’s ‘seal-bit’. So yes, as fishermen, we hate them.”
“Learned opportunism in apex predators as a response to human activity… I think I’ll go see this behavior for myself!” Sakalbi practically rushed out the door towards the bow where Jackie was sitting on the roller horns explaining to Kalai how to spot the bastards, leaving Andy alone in the cabin with the Doctor while he cooked breakfast for them all.
Dr. He’osforos sat down heavily in the booth and pulled out his omnipad. “I’ve had a word with my friend in the Interior. She’s pulled the warrant for your brother, and I’ve withdrawn the charges I filed.”
Andy froze and turned around slowly. The only sound was the sizzle and pop of the eggs and chorizo that he’d added to them in the skillet. “You mean… it’s done? He can come home?” A wave of light headed euphoria swept over Andy and he swayed with the gentle rocking of the boat. “I will pay you back, Doc-”
The doctor held up his hand and stopped Andy. “We’ll call it even, but there’s something… I was able to get my hands on this,” Andy watched as the doctor swiped something towards his omnipad and it dinged. “What is it if I may-”
“Are you really asking an Indian to tell you a story? Because it’s going to be a long one if you are.” “I’m Sevastutavan, young man; we invented long stories.”
Andy froze and stared at the screen of his omnipad. The Vatikre was heavily accented, and Andy had a bit of trouble with the unfamiliar accent, but centered in the frame in a hospital room, sitting in a wheelchair, was a Salishian boy. Andy blinked in surprise as he stared at the screen. “Is that-”
“I am Ikw’is’hi’ehlah, and this bearer is… of the Orca Clan Sheloksets. I drove our Haida enemies onto the rocks and took many heads when they attacked our winter village on Orcas Island. I signed the Treaty with the Great White Father and I fought against the slavers of the south-”
Andy wanted to grab the omnipad but the smell of overcooking eggs brought his attention back to breakfast and Andy stirred and scrapped the food quickly, trying to save it.
“I asked her for any materials she could give me on your brother. Pictures, recordings, anything. This is what she gave me. It's the last known recording of your brother during an interrogation conducted by a Navy Commissar prior to his escape. It seems he made friends with a Pod of Deaths Head Commandos. Quite a bit of the recording has been redacted, but… there are portions of it where he talks about his family and his history. I thought you might like to have it.”
Andy hurriedly pulled out paper plates and a slice of bread for everyone and scooped a heaping portion of the chorizo eggs onto them. He handed the doctor his before leaning out the cabin door. “Slop’s on, come and get it!”
Andy sat down after moving the shotgun out of the way and started the video over again as the three women came back to grab their plates and lost himself watching his brother start telling his story.
“What’s that?” Andy heard Kalai ask over his shoulder, and he paused the video.
“That’s my brother! That’s Kay Tee!”
“Holy shit, what?” Jackie nearly shoved Kalai into Andy as she jammed her bread slice down her gullet and crowded in to see the screen.
Andy started the video over a second time and they watched in silence. “God, that brings back memories. Back when mom was still alive and before we broke up the warband. I can’t believe that slippery little punk ghosted a pod of Commandos for two fucking years! Holy shit, that’s badass!”
Before Andy could say anything, Sakalbi started coughing and brought the binoculars up. “Uh, Andy? Jackie? What do we do about sharks?”
Jackie looked at Andy in confusion. “Sharks? There’s nothing but Dogs around here.”
“Well those are shark fins and they’re charging the net!” Sakalbi pointed and Andy looked up to see dorsal fins charging the center of the net.
Andy looked at Jackie and spoke the same words in tandem, “Oh shit!”
To be posted 6/4/23
submitted by Kazevenikov
to Sexyspacebabes [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:48 moe_master The world longest joke (Pt 1)
So, there's a man crawling through the desert.
He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here.
He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun, and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last.
He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right.
He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.
He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.
By the end of the day, he starts getting worried. He figures he's been walking at least three miles an hour, according to his watch for over ten hours. That means that if his estimate was right, he should be close to the town. Unfortunately, he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he's close, and that after dark he'll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills. That'll be all he needs.
As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights.
Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars.
He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they're full of sand. He’s so thirsty that he can't even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He'd forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn't noticed it the night before because he'd been in his car.
He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. The desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn't the best situation to be in without water. Unless he finds water, he figures, this is his last day.
He rinses out his mouth with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits for a while after spitting that little bit out to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He's not sure. He'll go a little farther, and if he still doesn't find water, he'll try drinking some of the fluid.
Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way as yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do.
Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking.
As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that. He knows that when you stop sweating, you’re in trouble. It’s usually right before heat stroke..
He decides that it's time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can't wait any longer - if he passes out, he's dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, takes the bottle out, opens it, and takes a mouthful. He slowly swallows it, making it last as long as he can. It feels so good in his dry and cracked throat that he doesn't even care about the nasty taste. He takes another mouthful, and makes it last too. Slowly, he drinks half the bottle. He figures that since he's drinking it, he might as well drink enough to make some difference and keep himself from passing out.
He's quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid. If it kills him, it kills him. If he didn't drink it, he'd die anyway. Besides, he's pretty sure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick: their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for the ethanol content. He can handle throwing up if it comes to that.
He walks. He walks in the hot, dry, windless desert. Sand, rocks, hills, dunes, the occasional scrawny cactus or dried bush. No sign of water. Sometimes he'll see a little movement to one side or the other, but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it. Probably birds, lizards, or mice. Maybe snakes, though they usually move more at night. He's careful to stay away from the movements.
After a while, he begins to stagger. He's not sure if it's fatigue, heat stroke finally catching him, or maybe he was wrong and the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought. He tries to steady himself and keep going.
After more walking, he comes to a large stretch of sand. This is good! He knows he passed over a stretch of sand in the SUV - he remembers doing donuts in it, or at least he thinks he remembers it; he's getting woozy enough and tired enough that he's not sure what he remembers anymore or if he's hallucinating. He thinks he remembers it, so he heads off into it, trying to get to the other side, hoping that it gets him closer to the town.
He was heading for a town, wasn't he? He thinks he was. He isn't sure anymore. He's not even sure how long he's been walking anymore. Is it still morning? Has it moved into afternoon, and the sun is going down again? It must be afternoon; it seems like it's been too long since he started out.
He walks through the sand.
After a while, he comes to a big dune in the sand. This is bad. He doesn't remember any dunes from when he was driving over the sand in his SUV. At least he doesn't think he remembers any. This is bad.
All the same, he has no other direction to go. Too late to turn back now. He figures that he'll get to the top of the dune and see if he can see anything from there that can help him find the town. He keeps going up the dune.
Halfway up, he slips in the bad footing of the sand for the second or third time and falls to his knees. He doesn't feel like getting back up, since he'll just fall down again. He keeps going up the dune on his hand and knees.
While crawling, if his throat weren't so dry, he'd laugh. He's finally gotten to the hackneyed image of a man lost in the desert, crawling through the sand on his hands and knees. It would be the perfect image, he imagines, if only his clothes were more ragged. The people crawling through the desert in the cartoons always had ragged clothes, but his have lasted without any rips so far. Somebody will probably find his dessicated corpse half buried in the sand years from now, and his clothes will still be in fine shape - shake the sand out, give them a good wash, and they'd be wearable again. He wishes his throat were wet enough to laugh. He coughs a little instead, and it hurts.
He finally makes it to the top of the sand dune. Now that he's at the top, he struggles a little, but manages to stand up and look around. All he sees is sand. Sand and more sand. Behind him, about a mile away, he thinks he sees the rocky ground he left to head into this sand. Ahead of him, more dunes, more sand. This isn't where he drove his SUV. This is Hell. Or close enough.
Again, he doesn't know what to do. He decides to drink the rest of the wiper fluid while figuring it out. He takes out the bottle and starts removing the cap when he glances to the side and sees something. Something in the sand. At the bottom of the dune, off to the side, he sees something strange. It's a flat area, in the sand. He stops opening the bottle and tries to look closer. The area seems to be circular, and it's dark: darker than the sand, and there seems to be something in the middle of it, but he can't tell what it is, so he looks as hard as he can but still can't tell from here. He's going to have to go down there and look.
He puts the bottle back into his pocket, and starts to stumble down the dune. After a few steps, he realizes that he's in trouble; he's not going to be able to keep his balance. After a couple more sliding, tottering steps, he falls and starts to roll down the dune. The sand it so hot that he thinks he's caught fire on the way down - like a movie car wreck flashing into flames as it goes over the cliff, before it ever even hits the ground. He closes his eyes and mouth, covers his face with his hands, and waits to stop rolling.
He stops at the bottom of the dune. After a minute or two, he finds enough energy to try to sit up and get the sand out of his face and clothes. When he clears his eyes enough, he looks around to make sure that the dark spot in the sand it still there and he hadn't just imagined it.
Seeing the large, flat, dark spot on the sand still there, he crawls towards it. He'd get up and walk towards it, but he doesn't seem to have the energy to get up and walk right now. He must be in the final stages of dehydration he figures as he crawls. If this place in the sand doesn't have water, he'll likely never make it anywhere else. This is his last chance.
He gets closer and closer, but still can't see what's in the middle of the dark area. It’s hard to focus, and lifting his head up to look takes so much effort that he gives up trying. He just keeps crawling.
Finally, he reaches the area he'd seen from the dune. It takes him a minute of crawling on it before he realizes that he's no longer on sand - he's now crawling on some kind of dark stone. Stone with some kind of marking on it - a pattern cut into the stone. He's too tired to stand up and try to see what the pattern is, so he just keeps crawling. He crawls towards the center where his blurry eyes still see something in the middle of the dark stone area.
His mind, detached in a strange way, notes that either his hands and knees are so burnt by the sand that they no longer feel pain, or that this dark stone, in the middle of a burning desert with a pounding, punishing sun overhead, doesn't seem to be hot. It almost feels cool. He considers lying down on the nice cool surface.
Cool, dark stone. Not a good sign. He must be hallucinating this. He's probably in the middle of a patch of sand, already lying face down and dying, and just imagining this whole thing. A desert mirage. Soon the beautiful women carrying pitchers of water will come up and start giving him a drink. Then he'll know he's gone.
He decides against laying down on the cool stone. If he's going to die here in the middle of this hallucination, he at least wants to see what's in the center before he goes. He keeps crawling.
It's the third time that he hears the voice before he realizes what he's hearing. He would swear that someone just said, "Greetings, traveler. You do not look well. Do you hear me?"
He stops crawling. He tries to look up from where he is on his hands and knees, but it's too much effort to lift his head. So he tries something different: he rolls over and leans back trying to sit up on the stone. After a few seconds, he catches his balance, avoids falling on his face, sits up, and tries to focus his eyes. Blurry. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands and tries again. Better this time.
Yep. He can see. He's sitting in the middle of a large, flat, dark expanse of stone. Directly next to him, about three feet away, is a white post or pole about two inches in diameter and sticking about four or five feet out of the stone, at an angle.
And wrapped around this white rod is what must be a fifteen foot long desert diamondback rattlesnake, with a hovering tail and rattle seemingly prepared to start rattling, looking directly at him.
He stares at the snake in shock. He doesn't have the energy to get up and run away. He doesn't even have the energy to crawl away. This is it: his final resting place. No matter what happens, he's not going to be able to move from this spot.
Well, at least dying from a bite from this monster should be quicker than dying of thirst. He'll face his end like a man. He struggles to sit up a little straighter. The snake keeps watching him. He lifts one hand and flicks it in the snake's direction, feebly. The snake watches the hand for a moment, then goes back to watching the man, looking into his eyes.
Hmmm. Maybe the snake has no interest in biting him. It hasn't rattled yet - that’s a good sign. Maybe he isn't going to die of snake bite after all.
He then remembers that he'd looked up when he'd reached the center here because he thought he'd heard a voice. He is still very woozy; he feels like he might pass out soon. The sun still beats down on him even though he is now on cool stone. He still doesn't have anything to drink. Although maybe he had actually heard a voice. This stone doesn't look natural. Nor does that white post sticking up out of the stone. Someone must have built this. Maybe they are still nearby. Maybe that was who talked to him. Maybe this snake is even their pet, and that's why it isn't biting.
He tries to clear his throat to say, "Hello," but he’s too dry. All that comes out is a coughing or wheezing sound. There's no way he's going to be able to talk without something to drink. He feels his pocket, and the bottle with the wiper fluid is still there. He shakily pulls out the bottle, almost losing his balance and falling on his back in the process. This isn't good. He doesn't have much time left by his reckoning before he passes out.
He gets the bottle open, manages to get the bottle to his lips, and pours some of the fluid into his mouth. He sloshes it around, and then swallows it. He coughs a little. His throat feels better. Maybe he can talk now.
He tries again. Ignoring the snake, he turns to look around him, hoping to spot the owner of this place, and croaks out, "Hello? Is there anyone here?"
He hears, from his side, "Greetings. What is it that you want?"
He turns his head back towards the snake. That's where the sound seemed to come from. The only thing he can think of is that there must be a speaker hidden under the snake, or maybe built into that post. He decides to try asking for help.
"Please," he croaks again, suddenly feeling dizzy, "I'd love to not be thirsty anymore. I've been without water for a long time. Can you help me?"
Looking in the direction of the snake, hoping to see where the voice was coming from this time, he is shocked to see the snake rear back, open its mouth, and speak. He hears it say, as the dizziness overtakes him and he falls forward, face first on the stone, "Very well. Coming up."
A piercing pain shoots through his shoulder. Suddenly he is awake. He sits up and grabs his shoulder, wincing at the throbbing pain. He's momentarily disoriented as he looks around, and then he remembers: the crawl across the sand, the dark area of stone, the snake. He sees the snake, still wrapped around the tilted white post, still looking at him.
He reaches up and feels his shoulder, where it hurts. It feels slightly wet. He pulls his fingers away and looks at them - blood. He feels his shoulder again - it feels like his shirt has two holes in it - two puncture holes. They match up with the two aching spots of pain on his shoulder. He has been bitten. By the snake.
"It'll feel better in a minute." He looks up - it's the snake talking. He hadn't dreamed it. Suddenly he notices - he's not dizzy anymore. And more importantly, he's not thirsty anymore - at all!
"Have I died? Is this the afterlife? Why are you biting me in the afterlife?"
"Sorry about that, but I had to bite you," says the snake. "That's the way I work. It all comes through the bite. Think of it as natural medicine."
"You bit me to help me? Why aren't I thirsty anymore? Did you give me a drink before you bit me? How did I drink enough while unconscious to not be thirsty anymore? I haven't had a drink for over two days. Well, except for the windshield wiper fluid... hold it, how in the world does a snake talk? Are you real? Are you some sort of Disney animation?"
"No," says the snake, "I'm real. As real as you or anyone is, anyway. I didn't give you a drink. I bit you. That's how it works, it's what I do. I bite. Plus I don't have hands to give you a drink, even if I had water just sitting around here."
The man sat stunned for a minute. Here he was, sitting in the middle of the desert on some strange stone that should be hot but wasn't, talking to a snake that could talk back and had just bitten him. And he felt better. Not great - he was still starving and exhausted, but much better - he was no longer thirsty. He had started to sweat again, but only slightly. He felt hot, in this sun, but it was starting to get lower in the sky, and the cool stone beneath him was a relief he could notice now that he was no longer dying of thirst.
"I might suggest that we take care of that methanol you now have in your system with the next request," continued the snake. "I can guess why you drank it, but I'm not sure how much you drank, or how much methanol was left in the wiper fluid. That stuff is nasty. It'll make you go blind in a day or two, if you drank enough of it."
"Ummm, n-next request?" said the man. He put his hand back on his hurting shoulder and backed away from the snake a little.
"That's the way it works. If you like, that is," explained the snake. "You get three requests. Call them wishes, if you wish." The snake grinned at his own joke, and the man drew back a little further from the show of fangs.
"But there are rules," the snake continued. "The first request is free. The second requires an agreement of secrecy. The third requires the binding of responsibility." The snake looks at the man seriously.
"By the way," the snake says suddenly, "my name is Nathan. Old Nathan, Samuel used to call me. He gave me the name. Before that, most of the Bound used to just call me 'Snake'. But that got old, and Samuel wouldn't stand for it. He said that anything that could talk needed a name. He was big into names. You can call me Nate, if you wish." Again, the snake grinned. "Sorry if I don't offer to shake, but I think you can understand - my shake sounds somewhat threatening." The snake give his rattle a little shake.
"Umm, my name is Jack," said the man, trying to absorb all of this. "Jack Samson."
"Can I ask you a question?" Jack says suddenly. "What happened to the venom...umm, in your bite. Why aren't I dying now? How did you do that? What do you mean by that's how you work?"
"That's more than one question," grins Nate. "But I'll still try to answer all of them. First, yes, you can ask me a question." The snake's grin gets wider. "Second, the venom is in you. It changed you. You now no longer need to drink. That's what you asked for. Or, well, technically, you asked to not be thirsty any more - but 'any more' is such a vague term. I decided to make it permanent - now, as long as you live, you shouldn't need to drink much at all. Your body will conserve water very efficiently. You should be able to get enough just from the food you eat - much like a creature of the desert. You've been changed.
"For the third question," Nate continues, "you are still dying. Besides the effects of that methanol in your system, you're a man - and men are mortal. In your current state, I give you no more than about another 50 years. Assuming you get out of this desert, alive, that is." Nate seemed vastly amused at his own humor, and continued his wide grin.
"As for the fourth question," Nate said, looking more serious as far as Jack could tell, as Jack was just now working on his ability to read talking-snake emotions from snake facial features, "first you have to agree to make a second request and become bound by the secrecy, or I can't tell you."
"Wait," joked Jack, "isn't this where you say you could tell me, but you'd have to kill me?"
"I thought that was implied." Nate continued to look serious.
"Ummm...yeah." Jack leaned back a little as he remembered again that he was talking to a fifteen foot venomous reptile with a reputation for having a nasty temper. "So, what is this 'Bound by Secrecy' stuff, and can you really stop the effects of the methanol?" Jack thought for a second. "And, what do you mean methanol, anyway? I thought these days they use ethanol in wiper fluid, and just denature it?"
"They may, I don't really know," said Nate. "I haven't gotten out in a while. Maybe they do. All I know is that I smell methanol on your breath and on that bottle in your pocket. And the blue color of the liquid when you pulled it out to drink some let me guess that it was wiper fluid. I assume that they still color wiper fluid blue?"
"Yeah, they do," said Jack.
"I figured," replied Nate. "As for being bound by secrecy - with the fulfillment of your next request, you will be bound to say nothing about me, this place, or any of the information I will tell you after that, when you decide to go back out to your kind. You won't be allowed to talk about me, write about me, use sign language, charades, or even act in a way that will lead someone to guess correctly about me. You'll be bound to secrecy. Of course, I'll also ask you to promise not to give me away, and as I'm guessing that you're a man of your word, you'll never test the binding anyway, so you won't notice." Nate said the last part with utter confidence.
Jack, who had always prided himself on being a man of his word, felt a little nervous at this. "Ummm, hey, Nate, who are you? How did you know that? Are you, umm, omniscient, or something?"
Well, Jack," said Nate sadly, "I can't tell you that, unless you make the second request." Nate looked away for a minute, then looked back.
"Umm, well, ok," said Jack, "what is this about a second request? What can I ask for? Are you allowed to tell me that?"
"Sure!" said Nate, brightening. "You're allowed to ask for changes. Changes to yourself. They're like wishes, but they can only affect you. Oh, and before you ask, I can't give you immortality. Or omniscience. Or omnipresence, for that matter. Though I might be able to make you gaseous and yet remain alive, and then you could spread through the atmosphere and sort of be omnipresent. But what good would that be - you still wouldn't be omniscient and thus still could only focus on one thing at a time. Not very useful, at least in my opinion." Nate stopped when he realized that Jack was staring at him.
"Well, anyway," continued Nate, "I'd probably suggest giving you permanent good health. It would negate the methanol now in your system, you'd be immune to most poisons and diseases, and you'd tend to live a very long time, barring accident, of course. And you'll even have a tendency to recover from accidents well. It always seemed like a good choice for a request to me."
"Cure the methanol poisoning, huh?" said Jack. "And keep me healthy for a long time? Hmmm. It doesn't sound bad at that. And it has to be a request about a change to me? I can't ask to be rich, right? Because that's not really a change to me?"
"Right," nodded Nate.
"Could I ask to be a genius and permanently healthy?" Jack asked, hopefully.
"That takes two requests, Jack."
"Yeah, I figured so," said Jack. "But I could ask to be a genius? I could become the smartest scientist in the world? Or the best athlete?"
"Well, I could make you very smart," admitted Nate, "but that wouldn't necessarily make you the best scientist in the world. Or, I could make you very athletic, but it wouldn't necessarily make you the best athlete either. You've heard the saying that 99% of genius is hard work? Well, there's some truth to that. I can give you the talent, but I can't make you work hard. It all depends on what you decide to do with it."
"Hmmm," said Jack. "Ok, I think I understand. And I get a third request, after this one?"
"Maybe," said Nate, "it depends on what you decide then. There are more rules for the third request that I can only tell you about after the second request. You know how it goes." Nate looked like he'd shrug, if he had shoulders.
"Ok, well, since I'd rather not be blind in a day or two, and permanent health doesn't sound bad, then consider that my second request. Officially. Do I need to sign in blood or something?"
"No," said Nate. "Just hold out your hand. Or heel." Nate grinned. "Or whatever part you want me to bite. I have to bite you again. Like I said, that's how it works - the venom, you know," Nate said apologetically.
Jack winced a little and felt his shoulder, where the last bite was. Hey, it didn't hurt any more. Just like Nate had said. That made Jack feel better about the biting business. But still, standing still while a fifteen foot snake sunk it's fangs into you. Jack stood up. Ignoring how good it felt to be able to stand again, and the hunger starting to gnaw at his stomach, Jack tried to decide where he wanted to get bitten. Despite knowing that it wouldn't hurt for long, Jack knew that this wasn't going to be easy.
"Hey, Jack," Nate suddenly said, looking past Jack towards the dunes behind him, "is that someone else coming up over there?"
Jack spun around and looked. Who else could be out here in the middle of nowhere? And did they bring food?
Wait a minute, there was nobody over there. What was Nate...
Jack let out a bellow as he felt two fangs sink into his rear end, through his jeans...
Jack sat down carefully, favoring his more tender buttock. "I would have decided, eventually, Nate. I was just thinking about it. You didn't have to hoodwink me like that."
"I've been doing this a long time, Jack," said Nate, confidently. "You humans have a hard time sitting still and letting a snake bite you - especially one my size. And besides, admit it - it's only been a couple of minutes and it already doesn't hurt any more, does it? That's because of the health benefit with this one.
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to copypasta [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:12 ArwenScamander Egg💛💜🤍🖤IRL
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Okay does anybody else have that niche of disphoria where you kinda want top surgery and you wanna wear pretty lace bralettes but also boobs are okay and men's shirts are the vibe. Like help? I'm afab and a 36 DDD and some days I love having boobs but some days I really hate them. I've tried a few different binders but the problem is that I can't really wear what I want to over them... Plus I've never really found one that fits right. Any advice? submitted by ArwenScamander to egg_irl [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:06 Cuhstipated Motivation
Okay i’m not trying to shame anyone here, i’m trying to motivate you.
If you and another overweight person get in a pool. Who are the men/women going to think is more attractive?
A: the person sulking in the corner of the pool with there shirt on not doing anything. or B: the person being confident and social. Making everyone laugh and smile.
You may be overweight but you aren’t necessarily unattractive.
I believe in you, have a good day/night and stay safe ❤️💪
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to insecurity [link] [comments]