The ascent at farmington hills photos

When I was 18, my high school sweetheart died on a country roadside after being ejected from his wrecked vehicle. I'm 37 now. He's still 20.
We were both crazy teenagers in love, he made some poor choices when we dated, but I forgave him later. He ended up serving a combat tour in Iraq, he was just a baby when they sent him to fight, and he was slated to return later that year. He made it home, mostly intact. Mentally was where pieces were missing. I guess that's partially what led to his demise because he found some comfort in the bottle. His autopsy report showed Zoloft in his system that the Army had given him for treatment of PTSD. It also showed a BAL slightly over the legal limit.
He called me that night. It was late, I told him I couldn't talk. He asked me to call back, I said I don't think I can. He cheerfully told me to "be good, girl". After my guest left, I looked at the phone and held it in my hand, looked at the cell number he called from, almost hit dial. I wanted to talk to him so bad, to catch up and laugh with him, but I'd just started seeing someone new, and out of respect, I laid down the phone. This decision has haunted me.
That night, I knew something was wrong. I cannot tell you how exactly. Deep in my soul something was stirring and I couldn't rest. So when I got the news he had died shortly after we spoke on the phone, I knew why I couldn't find any peace.
I was 18. I'd just graduated high school. My brain wasn't even fully developed. And here I was feeling this crushing guilt that if I'd called him back I could have stopped him from falling asleep. That he'd be alive. I've been able to reason through it as an adult. But how do you carry that with you as a teenager?
Fast forward... 19 years.
I've learned that guilt, that grief, all of it, doesn't really go away. Once it's created, it's never destroyed. It lives inside you, but over time, it becomes increasingly dormant. However just like any dormant infection, once your defense system weakens, it flares. Driving past the wreck site, seeing photos of his nephews he never met, a random memory, a recurrent dream. It flares. That dream, by the way, is always the same one. He's mysteriously back from the dead and he's still just barely out of reach; I can talk to him on the phone but can never physically get to him. Then I wake up nearly in a panic (beside my wonderful husband) over a former boyfriend who died nearly two decades ago.
That traumatic day and the weeks that followed, I believe rewired my brain forever. Present day, I occasionally wonder who he'd be today... But then I can't help but wonder who I'd be today as well.

I’m 5 months post wedding and need help finding joy in my wedding. During our wedding reception, my family were informed that an uncle had passed away and the news quickly spread through the wedding. My uncle was invited to the wedding and I had noticed he was not there but thought maybe he got caught up with another engagement. As you can imagine the whole vibe changed and as a result the wedding was cut short, there was no dancing, family left early and there was a general somber mood throughout. I was not told about the bereavement so all I could see was people crying, people leaving and not being told why. I was informed the next day and was straight into preparing for my uncle’s funeral. My uncle had no children and I was very close with him so it fell to me, my siblings and a couple of cousins to prepare his funeral. Alcohol was involved and decisions he made that day lead to his sudden death. It was such a mind F of emotions from going from what was supposed to be high of joy and happy emotions to extreme sadness. The planning of the wedding was so stressful and I was so looking forward to enjoying our day and spending time with my friends and family to make all the stress worth it. The whole experience was actually quite traumatic and I feel like I’m mourning my wedding and haven’t even been able to mourn by uncle. I know this probably sounds ridiculous because a life has been lost. I just feel so angry with my uncle (who I adored) that he allowed alcohol to be his demise. And again I’m aware of how heartless this probably sounds, I’m sorry. I’m not sure if this is the right thread but as a long time lurker through the planning process I was hoping to maybe get some advice on how I can learn to look back on our wedding with joyful memories. Right now, my husband and I don’t talk about the wedding, and I can’t even bring myself to look at our photos and videos. What can we do to make ourselves look back on our wedding with fond memories?
TLDR- We had a bereavement on our wedding day and now we have no joy or happy memories from our wedding. What can we do to make us feel better?

From my travel report (2014):
The second trip to Madeira we made to escape the winter The weather was like a moody diva in winter. It changes not only from day to day, but also within a few hours. So you can never plan anything for the next day, because you should not think, today it is so nice and sunny and warm, it will be the same tomorrow. But if you are unlucky, the next morning it will be completely cloudy, only to possibly be sunny again in the afternoon.
It is always a pleasure to stroll in FUNCHAL's old town. Here times an ice cream to eat, there a coffee possibly with Nata to take. But this should be done when there are no cruise ships in the harbor. Then you see fortunately more locals than tourists in the streets.
For football fans: Christiano Ronaldo, who comes from Madeira, now has his own museum in Funchal - eagerly visited by his - mostly young - supporters...
Funchal is spreading out more and more - the slopes all around are already built on, and in the hotel zone construction continues eagerly. Although it is obvious that in the newly built apartment houses still very many apartments are empty.
The first two weeks we booked apartment at about 350 m altitude with a beautiful view of Funchal. The disadvantage was that it became - especially in the evening - but quite cool. Fortunately we had not only an electric heater but also a fireplace in the apartment.
From up here you can see how Funchal has grown in recent years. It is a huge sea of houses, which goes up to all the adjacent hills.
For the second part of our stay we had chosen an apartment house at Praia do Formosa with direct view to the sea and also to Cabo Girao.
One of the most beautiful and varied gardens of Madeira is located only about 9 km east of Funchal: the Palheiro or Blandy's Gardens. In 1801, the property was purchased by Count Carvalhal. A hunting lodge was built and the count had exotic trees imported from all over the world. The count's descendants squandered the fortune, and so in 1885 the estate became the property of the Blandy family of wine merchants. The villa above the garden is still inhabited by the Blandy family and is not accessible.
The gardens are famous not only for the variety of (often exotic) plants but also for their location on a 500 m high hill with a magnificent view of the bay of Funchal. The Count's hunting lodge was renovated in 1997 and is now the exclusive hotel "Quinta Velha do Palheiro".
The gardens are divided into the main garden, the sunken garden, the valley of hell (Inferno) with mighty fern trees, the rose garden, the ladies garden and the tea house area. There are also ponds with water lilies and beautiful flower beds.
Some of the numerous trees are 100 years old. The garden has been constantly developed. Hibiscus, bougainvilleas, jacaranda, African tulip trees, coral trees and orchid trees grow here. The Blandy family imported proteas from South Africa and had a rose garden planted and a small baroque chapel built. The gardens are also famous for their numerous camellias and magnolias.
The orchid garden, created by an Austrian, apparently has more than 5000 plants and is located below the botanical garden. At the moment the orchid garden is closed, because in the big fire of 2016 in Funchal not only many houses were destroyed, but also great damage was done to the orchid garden.
Carnival is also celebrated in Madeira and by chance we saw a children's parade. It was interesting to see with which eagerness the children were partly "there". Therefore, there will probably be no problem with carnivalistic offspring in Funchal.
The town of RIBEIRA BRAVA is located at the mouth of a wide - sometimes wild (brava) river (ribeira). From Funchal there is a highway to get there. In Ribeira Brava there is a wide pebble beach, and on the other side of the promenade there are cafes and restaurants. In the historic center there are small stores, and here is also the pink town hall from the late 18th century
The Igreja de Sao Bento was built as early as 1440, but was given a new look during the Baroque period. The spire with the white-blue tile pattern and the sphere symbol of the Portuguese explorers is striking.
We still drove to Punta do Sol. This place lies between two high rocky capes. In the old core there are only a few houses and the church, behind it already begin the terraced banana fields. There is a pebble beach and on the promenade you can have a drink in small cafes. Except for us, there were hardly any tourists in the village. But here we drank the best poncha on the island. Poncha (made of honey, lemon juice and sugar cane brandy) is a kind of national drink on Madeira.
the village of Camara de Lobos - situated between two rocky cliffs - is only 9 km away from Funchal.
Camara de Lobos is still a typical fishing village with the many colorful boats (xavelhas) that you can admire in the small harbor. A small church was built at the harbor early on, this was remodeled in 1420 and the current Capella Nossa Senhora de Conceicao was built.
There is still fishing and some boat building in Camara de Lobos. However, these are no longer particularly lucrative, so tourism is now a larger source of income.
The fishermen in this area mainly catch the black scabbardfish (Espada), which is offered in many restaurants - also in Funchal.
There is a promenade path from the Lido in Funchal to Camara de Lobos since 2011. The path - always with a view of Cabo Girao - is partly concreted and partly laid out on wooden walkways. If you walk in the direction of Camara de Lobos, you can see the approaching waves of the Atlantic Ocean on the left and the partly high cliffs on the right.
Not far behind Praia de Formosa there are some beach bars or restaurants where you can have a drink or eat quite well.
Cabo Girao near Camara de Lobos is one of the highest cliffs in the world. More than 500 m the land here falls almost vertically into the sea. Since our last visit, things had changed here, there was now a large parking lot. Then the cafes and souvenir stores were also new for us. And surprising for us was also the glass viewing platform, which exists since the end of 2012. Here you can see that wine and vegetables are grown on the small rocky outcrops. The farmers can reach their fields on the coastal fringe with a cable car. Before the cable car was built, these fields were only accessible by boat.
From Funchal it was not far to CANICO. The original village became in the course of time one of the most important tourist places on Madeira. Large hotel complexes, apartment buildings and villas were built. However, we turned off before we reached the town in order to get to Ponta do Garajau. There on a rock cliff is the 14 m high Christo Rei statue, which was erected in 1927. From here you have a beautiful view of Funchal. Since 2007, there is a cable car nearby that goes 200 m down to the pebble beach.
CURRAL DAS FREIRAS is a small village nestled between huge almost vertical mountain slopes in the heart of Madeira. There is only one road that leads serpentine to the 633 m high valley. Originally the valley was inhabited by nomads and shepherds. Towards the end of the 15th century, the land became the property of the nuns of the Santa Clara convent.
The name Curral das Freiras means "pen of the nuns". In the 16th and 17th centuries, the island was repeatedly attacked by pirates, and the nuns retreated here to the protection of the mountains, which are up to 700 meters high.
Here people still live from what they grow themselves on their fertile fields. One of the specialties of the village is chestnuts. They are used to make liqueur, cakes, bread and soups, which are also sold to tourists. On November 1 of each year, the Chestnut Festival is held here.
Not many tourists come to SANTA CRUZ, although this place is certainly worth a visit. There is quite a pretty old town with the church of San Salvador built in 1533 as well as like a large modern market hall just behind the long gray pebble beach lined with date palms.
Just north of Santa Cruz is Madeira Island's airport, renamed "Cristiano Ronaldo" Airport in 2007. Opened in 1964 and reconstructed in 2000, this airport is one of the most dangerous in the world. The 2777 m long runway is built on the rocky coast above the water and looks like a bridge with large concrete supports. A large parking lot has been built below this runway.
Before the landing approach, the mountain massif must be overcome so that the narrow runway can be approached. Unfortunately, there have been numerous accidents, but this is still one of the busiest airports in Portugal.
From Santa Cruz we drove to MACHICO, one of the larger towns of Madeira. Machico profited from sugar cane cultivation in the 15th century and is now a modern town, which is divided into two halves by the Ribeira da Machico. On the eastern bank of the river is the historic fishing quarter with the main square surrounded by tall laurel trees.
The town church of Nossa Senhora da Conceicao in the center was built in the 15th century and partially rebuilt in the 18th century. Opposite stands the town hall built in the early 20th century There are several fish restaurants here.
In the surroundings of the small village FAIAL there is still a lot of agriculture, e.g. wine and fruit growing. The village is dominated by the 600 m high Eagle Rock. Only a few tourists come here, because there is hardly anything worth seeing.
Most people come to Santana to see the famous "Casas de colmo". In total there are still about a hundred of these thatched historic wooden houses. They are very scattered throughout the municipality.
On the way back to Funchal we passed through Ribera fria. Here you can take a short hike up to the Miradouro dos Balcoes, from where you have a beautiful view of the mountains.
The peninsula PONTA DE SAO LOURENCO is 9 km long and 2 km wide. In 1982 it was declared a nature reserve, mainly to ensure the preservation of the fauna with the great variety of birds and the great occurrence of the native flora. The eastern tip of Madeira is barren and windy. One can no longer imagine that everything here was lushly forested.
Then, in spring, a carpet of flowers enlivens the bare hilltops. But also in other seasons the turquoise sea and the rocks in different shades - ocher, rust, gray and green-black - bring color to the area.
The south coast can be easily approached by boats, which is almost impossible on the drastically shaped north coast with its strong winds. There is a paved access road to the parking lot above Baia de Abra. Here you can also take the public bus.
From there there is a popular rocky hiking trail. This hike is absolutely not a walk. There are some climbs, often wooden stairs. You have no shade and are exposed to gusts of wind. To avoid being blown down somewhere, I ducked down and waited out the sometimes strong gusts - really quite extreme.
At the narrowest point with a land bridge only a few meters wide, the rock drops almost 100 m vertically - fortunately the place is secured with a fence.
The hike takes - depending on your condition - 2 to 3 hours. It also depends on whether you only walk to the plateau of Casa Sardinha - administration of the national park - or if you want to make the ascent to Pico Furado. Below the Casa there are some tables for picnics. From there there is also an entrance for swimming, which can certainly be pleasant in the summer.
On the way there are always beautiful views of the sea and the rock formations - e.g. the so-called rock gate. On the south side you can see the cages of a fish farm in the sea.
In front of Sao Lourenco there are two small islands, on one of them stands the oldest (from 1870) lighthouse of Madeira.
From the cape we drove to CANICAL, the easternmost municipality of Madeira. This place is still characterized by fishing and boat building. Fishing boats are still built here and there is a large repair yard.
Over the 1000 m high Encumeada Pass we drove northeast to Sao Vicente. Unfortunately the old coastal road to Seixal and Porto Moniz was closed and we had to drive through many tunnels. A few years ago it was a special experience to drive on the narrow and winding ER 101 directly at the coast - on one side the high cliffs and on the other side the sea. But apparently the road has become too dangerous in the meantime because of constant falling rocks.
We got to Porto Moniz , and unfortunately the weather got worse, more and more clouds came up. The sea raged with huge waves to the shore.
Porto Moniz is a nice little town located on the northwestern tip of Madeira, a region with high mountains and views of the endless Atlantic Ocean.
Day-trippers mostly come for the lava pools filled with sea water. But from Porto Moniz you can also go hiking, for example on the coastal trail "Levada da Ribeira da Janela", one of the best hiking trails in Madeira.
Porto Moniz is known for its volcanic pools. These pools owe their formation to a lava tongue that flowed into the sea here thousands of years ago, creating caves due to the force of wind and waves. The black basalt lava pools form swimming pools and are the attraction of Porto Moniz, because you can swim (swim) in them very well - at least in good weather...
There are two different lava pools in Porto Moniz: the completely natural pools and the western pools, which have been transformed into natural outdoor pools - there are no sharp rocks here. The surrounding rocks of the outdoor pool were built as a terrace , and here you can sunbathe. The pools are open every day - even in winter. But when we were there, there was no one in the water....
The natural pools are not safe because of the black sharp basalt rocks.
It is very interesting to watch the waves as they crash against the rocks. The water is sometimes whirled into the air in such a way that it looks like a geyser.
The PICO DE ARIEIRO is the most visited mountain of Madeira, because it is the only one that has been opened up with a road, but it is only the third highest. The road was probably built primarily for the observatory and not necessarily for the tourists. Already the approach through pristine landscape with rugged rock and sparse vegetation is an experience.
If the weather is good, you have a breathtaking view all around. Equally beautiful, however, is the sight of white cushions of clouds hanging between the high mountains. In winter there can be ice and snow on the peaks. Since it had snowed on Madeira about 2 weeks before our trip there, we could still see the sparse remnants on the shaded layers.
From Pico de Arieiro you can hike up to Pico Ruivo (1861 m) if the weather is good. At the beginning, the path is quite wide and in places secured by railings. Some then walk at least to the first viewpoint - the rocky peak Niho de Mata with beautiful views. The entire hike up to Pico Ruivo is clearly difficult, even if there are partially secured stairways since the 1960s. Some of the paths are steep up to 700 m, the rock steps are high, the paths are sometimes narrow and beaten, and it also goes through unlit tunnels. So you should have a good condition and be free from giddiness and sure-footed.

Alright, I’m not super sure how to start this so I’m going to start with giving some background. I don’t want this to sound braggy or like I’m jerking myself off so sorry if it comes out that way but I think the context is pretty important to understand my position. This is gonna get pretty specific so I hope I don’t out myself too much to my anyone who might know me. I’m a 22 year old engineering (rising senior undergraduate) student at a small college (and one of the best colleges for engineering in the US). For reference, all of my classmates are absolutely brilliant and the school is a STEM college. This gets important later on. I am really passionate about computer science, engineering, and natural science and I want to start a company when I graduate that does some sort of innovative work in these fields. I’m also a musician and I write, record, and release music in a few genres. I’ve made a bit of a business out of the music that I make and the playlists that I use to promote my own music. It’s basically my biggest and most consistent stream of income. I play a bunch of different instruments (guitar, bass guitar, upright bass, piano, violin, ukulele, drums, and now cello) and I sing. I don’t really play any of the instruments exceptionally well but I can play them well enough for my needs. Also, I’m in an acapella group and sometimes in choir and I occasionally gig with other bands on campus. I’m also really into travel and photography. I took a year off of school during COVID and I visited a ton of national parks, I think I’ve visited somewhere around 30. I’m also really into photography and I’ve been trying to make a small business out of that as well. For a last tad bit of background, I grew up low-income and was entirely self motivated. I just lived with my mom who didn’t know anything about college and frankly just wanted me to get a job throughout most of high-school. Everything I accomplished it was out of sheer drive and personal discipline. In high school I had exceptional grades, a ton of amazing friends, and was in a serious romantic relationship that gave me a lot of meaning. My goal was to go to get into a good college and get a scholarship so that I could afford to give my future children things that I never could have. At the end of high school, my goals got as lofty as they could be and I felt secure in who I was and what I was doing. For a tiny bit more added context I’m taking antidepressants, ADHD medication, and anti-anxiety medication which has actually helped a lot. The one place that I’ve improved as a person seems to be mental health. I also don’t drink or do any kinds of drugs, although I don’t think anything is wrong with doing them, I know I have a very addictive personality and family issues with these things so I chose not to. I’m only mentioning this so you know it’s not part of the issue. But since I’ve started college (in 2019) I’ve made no progress towards my goals or aspirations, I’ve learned almost nothing, I prioritize nothing of value when you look at how I spend my time, I have no mastery over myself or my surroundings. I’m somehow floating on what is honestly a fabricated layer of understanding. I understand nothing in my classes, and I just do the bare minimum in every aspect of my life besides music. Somehow I pass my classes. My grades range from C-s to As, I have around a 3.0 GPA. Not great, but not as bad as it *should be* (based on my actual level of knowledge and understanding). I think part of my problem is that I know how much I can *get away with* without failing or destroying my grades. But I never take the time to learn the material. One of the worst parts is that I find all of the subject matter to be either important, interesting, or both…. And yet my behavior shows me that I don’t really feel that way. I don’t understand why. Throughout half of my college career, I’ve slept though many of my early classes, sometimes missing most of my classes because of some lame excuse I had. I never really *wake up* I’m just either asleep, half-awake in bed, and then eventually I’m out of bed and awake. My alarm at this point means basically nothing to me. Once I’m up, I either do some work that’s non-important and non-urgent or go to class. When I actually am in class, I end up getting distracted on my computer. If I don’t bring my computer I start by trying to focus and then I gradually allow myself not to focus at all. I end up almost learning nothing, and when I do start to try, I feel incredibly stupid. I don’t feel like I understand any of the concepts that are being thrown at me but I know that I *should* because (for the most part) none of them are actually that hard! This is in huge contrast to high school, where I woke up very early to my first alarm, shaved, showered, and got ready in the morning, then went to school for some 7 hours, then I went home, took a half hour break, then did homework until 1 or 2 in the morning. I got very little sleep but other than that I was doing well academically and was very motivated, despite struggling with mental health issues. I’ve been told that it’s burnout but I disagree. I may be wrong but if it is— what’s actually causing the burnout?? Oversleeping then half-stressing about my assignments? Here are the things that I try and accomplish during my time at school: - School (pass all my classes and take classes that I’m interested in/find useful) - Social - Participate in activities on campus that seem fun - Hang out with friends - Spend time with my partner - Go on dates - Music: - Produce and release music - Promote said music - Write new music (15 min - 1 hr daily) - Practice instrument(s) (15m-1 hr daily) - Rehearse (roughly 5 hours weekly) with my acapella group - Photography: - Take photos for the school at times - Travel to nearby parks and take photos - Edit photos - Do astrophotography - Physical health - Strength Training (at least 15 min daily) - Cardio (1 mile daily) - Stretch training (5 min daily) - Financial health - Save money - Make money (w/music business) - Goals - Work on my startup (like 30min- 2 hours per week) And honesty, yeah that’s probably a lot. A lot of people say it’s too much, but I’ve seen my classmates do it, and do *all of it* better than me, and I understand how. I see how much time I waste— and it’s a lot. How do I stop? And if your advice is to cut something out— what do I cut out?? Do I remove the things that I love? Or the things that are meaningful to my long-term goals? I don’t see one thing in here that would be safe to eliminate. Here are some big issues that I’ve been really struggling with: - Gaining too much weight - Eat when bored and not hungry - Sleep too much - Don’t wake up to my alarm - I’ve tried alarm apps, I make the conscious decision to go back to bed every morning despite walking 500 steps to turn my alarm off!! - Accomplish less in more time - Friends don’t seem to value me - Little to no self control - Extremely lazy - Always put in the bare minimum - I don’t learn - I’m getting my entire massive tuition paid by financial aid and I honestly can’t say I’ve learned anything value - I learned very well in high school - I went home and studied and got very little sleep, was in orchestra, in jazz, and in a band on top of writing and recording my own music - Lost my DRIVE and I don’t know why - I don’t look forward to much because I’m ashamed of where I’m at - I have very little motivation to do anything beyond the bare minimum in everything - I don’t prioritize the urgent OR the important well - I just do what I *need to* - I spend my time really poorly. When I have free time I don’t use it to have fun OR to be truly productive - I spend time not working and not having fun or relaxing - I don’t spend as much time with friends as I should - I don’t study as much as or when I should - I don’t work on my music as much or when I should - I don’t even play games or video games - I don’t relax when I should or *how* I should - I often take a nap for “just 30 minutes” which ends up taking half my day… hours and hours… In contrast, I was a better person in EVERY way when I was 16. Currently, I find myself: 1. Struggling as a student, with a noticeable decline in academic performance, and more importantly— LEARNING LESS THAN HIGH SCHOOL 2. Feeling inadequate as a partner, failing to put in the effort to nurture my relationship. 3. Struggling to wake up on time, repeatedly snoozing my alarm and compromising my productivity. 4. Having an unhealthy diet, consistently making poor food choices. 5. Becoming a less supportive friend, neglecting meaningful connections with those close to me, reaching out, texting and calling less 6. Experiencing a decrease in my social circle, resulting in fewer friendships. 7. Making minimal progress towards my goals, lacking the drive and determination to succeed. 8. Struggling to maintain positive habits, finding it difficult to establish and stick to routines. 9. Facing challenges when it comes to learning, feeling like I'm not absorbing information effectively. 10. Perceiving a decline in my athletic abilities, which is both surprising and disheartening. I find myself at my worst because: 1. Lack of focus: I struggle to maintain concentration and often choose not to focus. 2. Strained friendships: I have become a worse friend, neglecting gestures like gift-giving and meaningful quality time. 3. Declining social engagement: I prioritize less in-depth communication, barely making time for calls or outings with friends. 4. Lack of meaningful self-expression: Aside from occasional jokes, I fail to share my life in a meaningful way. 5. Regretful use of time: I realize I have wasted precious moments while important people in my life are moving on. 6. Academic decline: I am now a horrible student, rarely attending classes and lacking focus when I do. 7. Poor academic performance: I don't understand or actively pursue a grasp of course concepts, resulting in minimal learning. 8. Last-minute approach: I habitually leave assignments until the eleventh hour, resulting in superficial comprehension. 9. Unmerited extensions: I constantly request extensions without valid reasons, undermining my integrity. 10. Failure to learn: Despite attending a top-tier school, I feel like I've learned nothing over the past three years. 11. Sleep struggles: Snoozing my alarm for hours has become a daily routine, negatively impacting my health and productivity. 12. Disrupted sleep patterns: My oversleeping contributes to a lack of structure in starting my day and affects my well-being. 13. Relationship shortcomings: Though my partner loves me, I acknowledge that I have not fulfilled their needs in our relationship. 14. Neglected effort: I no longer plan dates or create thoughtful gifts as I used to, failing to prioritize quality time. 15. Physical decline: Surprisingly, I have also experienced a decline in athletic performance and overall fitness. 16. Unhealthy habits: I've gained weight and developed unhealthy eating patterns, often eating when not hungry. 17. Abandoned exercise routine: Despite initially committing to regular gym visits and running, I have completely stopped. 18. Lack of progress: My fitness levels have plateaued, and I haven't seen any improvement in my strength or endurance. 19. Wasting time: I squander countless moments without studying, being productive, enjoying myself, or nurturing relationships. 20. Lost sense of purpose: I struggle to identify what I am doing with my time, neglecting important areas of my life. 21. I feel stupid, which hurts a lot because I definitely think I’m less intelligent than I was in high school To top all of it off, I don’t feel like my few remaining best friends really value me. A lot of them graduated recently and one of them honestly told me “I noticed that a lot of the time people on the trip didn’t value your input or what you felt… with your senior year, find people who value you.” And it hurt, because I was feeling that way the whole time I was on the trip with them. What did I do to cause this? I used to love myself, I was depressed and anxious but I used to REALLY love myself. I was proud of who I was. Now when I look at myself, I’m ashamed of what I’ve become. And the worst part is I really know that younger me would be beyond disappointed in every way. I understand incremental improvement and all that but I can’t make my life better at all! I try developing habits only to ditch them a few days in. Why? What’s wrong with me? I know change is possible, but where do I begin?

I (30f) found out he (32m) was talking to a woman (26f) that looked a lot like me, especially at that same age (like when I was 26 I looked a lot like her now). They were texting a lot and hung out a few times, supposedly. He told me she was just a friend that he got carried away with, and in messages I found between them it was all flirting and I know they shared photos on Snapchat too. I feel really hurt that she looks like me, and I don’t know why that aspect of it hurts so much. It makes me feel like a “type” and not the person he’s loved the last 7 years. I just feel so replaceable now.
Has anyone else felt the same way? Like of course it’s going to hurt regardless, but it almost seems to hurt more when she reminds me of myself. I should also add that her personality seems very similar to mine too.

I'm looking for a Graphics Card for sub $600 to comfortably play games at 1440p and 120 frames, at high settings not very high or ultra. No 4K or raytracing necessary.
Current Games: The Division 2 / Destiny 2 / Devil May Cry V / Fortnite / Need for Speed Heat (https://imgur.com/52DuzCP)
Want to get into more demanding games at higher settings like: Hogwarts Legacy, God of War, CODMW2, The Division Heartland, Destiny 3, Forza Horizon, Ghost Recon Breakpoint, Callisto Protocol, Red Dead Redemption 2, Jedi: Survivor
Current Build (office work, light gaming, & photo/video editing):
Graphics Card: NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1050 Ti Phoenix Single-Fan 4gb GDDR5 Motherboard: B560M-PLUS Gaming WIFI CPU: Intel Core i7-11700K Rocket Lake 3.6Hz Eight-Core Processor CPU Cooler: Cooler Master Hyper H412R RAM: TEAMGROUP T-FORCE VULCAN Z 32GB (2 X 16GB) DDR4-3200 Storage: SAMSUNG 970 EVO Plus 2TB Power Supply: EVGA 750 80+ GOLD Case: NZXT H510 FloW Monitor: Acer Nitro XV282K 28" UHD (3840 x 2160) 4K 144Hz IPS FreeSync Premium 1MS

My (28f) boyfriend (28m) and I went out with a few friends of his after work. One of his friends, Anthony (30m), used to be coworkers with him and still is coworkers with my brother, Jesse (30m). Anthony has always been an outward asshole, one of those guys that will push buttons and "never truly means it" according to my boyfriend.
Before tonight, I had him in the neutral category if not slightly disliked. Tonight, however, as we were out, he decided to bring up how he thinks my brother Jesse is gay. This is constant work conversation for them, I have intimate knowledge of these interactions as Jesse and I have talked before about how brutally he is ridiculed at work and is the butt of every gay joke in the shop (these are construction type guys). I can see the hurt on his face and know him so well that it hurts me too. When Anthony started joking I ignored him but he continued to say "no for real, Jesse is gay! Have you seen his hair?!?! Here, let me show you photos of this guy he looks like" with me directly there. Jesse was not even there so I'm not sure why the conversation came up other than it was an opportunity for Anthony to be a dick and claim he was just being funny. I'm the younger sister but I've always been very protective of Jesse. He has the kindest heart and has been screwed over by women so many times that he has given up and keeps to himself even though he is lonely.
I got upset at Anthony but told my boyfriend I didn't want him to say anything to Anthony for fear it would make the bullying worse at work for Jesse. At the next bar we went to, my boyfriend and I got into a heated discussion about Anthony and his assholery. I was fed up with him even though he hadn't said anything else about Jesse. I told my boyfriend Anthony was a bully and an asshole and if he said one more word about Jesse I'd kick him in the nuts. BF got upset about this and said why can't I just relax and let it go, I said if his sister was being called a whore repeatedly by someone I called one of my best friends he would feel the same way. (It made sense in my brain). I stormed out and said "I'm done with Anthony, he's an asshole, I don't know why you keep defending him, I'm effing done" and walked out.
BF said that Anthony is just that way on his exterior and that I'm being too sensitive and Jesse should stand up for himself. In a perfect world, Jesse would stand up for himself but he goes along with the jokes to not get hurt more I think. Either way, I deeply despise Anthony and don't want anything to do with him. They became best friends through the job MY BROTHER got my BF after I had started dating him.
Tomorrow we are going to discuss what to do about the fact that I can't STAND Anthony and think he's a bully but BF is close with him. Honestly I don't want them to be friends unless Anthony can stop being such a dick to everyone in the name of "tough exterior" because I don't want to put up with him and have to see him all the time.
Am I the asshole for asking my BF to reconsider his friendship? And what do I do if he wants to be close friends with him still?

Hi! I am looking for the cheapest possible laptop that will still work good enough for me to use word on and search the internet and watch movies. Sth very basic just to pass the time or do some work in the garden while my dog plays now and then. I would think in this day and age every device out there would be good enough for that, but I’ve been burnt before. I have absolutely NO knowledge of computers, i dont even know any brands except for Apple and Lenovo. So if i chose poorly please be gentle
Iam looking at this:
Lenovo IdeaPad 1, N4120, 15,6FHD, 8GB/SSD256GB, UMA, DOS, (82V7002NSC)
Or
Dynabook Satellite Pro C40 (NB14DY0001)
Or
ASUS VivoBook Go 14 E410MA-BV1182WS (90NB0Q11-M40870)
FORM:

• Total budget (in local currency) and country of purchase. Please do not use USD unless purchasing in the US:
  250EUR
  
• Are you open to refurbs/used?
  Yes, if its in good condition
  
• How would you prioritize form factor (ultrabook, 2-in-1, etc.), build quality, performance, and battery life?
  I dont know what ultrabook etc mean. I want good battery life for sure! And word and internet need to work fluidly.
  
• How important is weight and thinness to you?
  

I would prefer it to be light but given the budget constraints its not that important

• Do you have a preferred screen size? If indifferent, put N/A.
  Just regular size i guess? I dont want it to be tiny, my vision is not best
  
• Are you doing any CAD/video editing/photo editing/gaming? List which programs/games you desire to run.
  

Def not

• If you're gaming, do you have certain games you want to play? At what settings and FPS do you want?
  See above
  
• Any specific requirements such as good keyboard, reliable build quality, touch-screen, finger-print reader, optical drive or good input devices (keyboard/touchpad)?
  

Good keyboard, internet speed (i dont think thats connected to hardware, but i had problems with previous device)

• Leave any finishing thoughts here that you may feel are necessary and beneficial to the discussion.

I will only use it for watching movies, browsing the internet and writing documents on Word, i dont need anything else, so sth basic and of a decent standard that regular people are used to (I own an Apple PC but an old one, for context).
Thanks!

Hello friends,
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I know, that it's required to sent whole outfit, not just legs/feet, but I want to share the step in my (our) life. My wife and me, we deciced to put all cotton and similar socks into trash, and replace them with nylon socks and knee highs (of various DEN) (well, almost all - I still let my cotton socks for occasionally using in working shoes, where the nylons will not survive).
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OK, I wore the pantyhose for a long long time, but this is a change, as we still were wearing regular socks. It looks, that not anymore.
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This is the photo from our yesterday visit at grandma. I wore the (I guess) 50 den nylon knee highs under jeans.
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That's it.
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[IMG-20230527-161759-575.jpg](https://postimg.cc/vDz3j1wD)

Hi, I was wondering what the best way to maximize the amount of inventory I could store in the app, currently at the limit for the current plan I'm on but still have a lot of inventory left to go, the only way to add more that I've seen would be the variant options, but from what I have noticed, there is no option to add a photo to them which I am wanting to do for every different item, if anyone could help with this that'd be greatly appreciated.

Hi everyone, i was "diagnosed" with pcos very early and I was on the pill from 13 to 26. I stopped the pill and managed the syntoms with a health lifestyle for a while. I am 32 now, still pretty healthy, exercise 4x a week, eat well (sometime a little bit more sugar than I should but not much) but now my pcos seems to be out of control. My period is VERY irregular and i am gaining weight, mt boobs are huge and always sensitive. I've always been natyrally a skinny person (skinny mom + dad), but now i am worrying about my weight and form. I dont recognize myself in photos, bras and tops dont fit anymore... Dr told me I should go back to the pill and I am considering it. Did someone feel like the bc helped with weight loss or at least controling the weight gain?

Losing Grandma was like a cursed package deal that came with so many micro losses and long drawn out after effects. Just a few years before she died, Grandma had to sell her beautiful home up north where we would go for big family reunions over the summer long weekend. It was the perfect cozy house. She loved it dearly and had worked extremely hard for it having come from poverty as a child. She was an avid reader with a top notch book collection where I discovered some of my favourite stories including The Hobbit, Heidi, and The Picture of Dorian Gray. Her house overlooked dense woods and a lake. Her yard was a big hill and we would run up and down it to the dock, over the grass, the moss, the flowers. I am romantacizing it. It wasn't perfect, it was in cottage country and could get insufferably loud from all the annoying rowdy people on four wheelers or in the motor boats over the summer holiday. The geese could also be a bit of a nuisance and they wouldn't budge if you tried to shoo them off the yard sometimes. My grandma had a birdfeeder, but she had to take it down cause a bear kept coming by to eat from it and drink the nectar. So, yes, it was definitely not perfect. But it was still one of my favourite places growing up. Losing my grandma's house felt like the loss of a second person. I miss that place dearly and all the good memories. My grandma selling the house was completely reasonable however, as it was not safe for her to be there anymore on her own. Her health issues began to stack up. She got shingles that caused her horrific pain, and then bell's palsy a few months later. After that she began to develop dementia. It was fcking heartbreaking. She went through so much pain within a few short years. When she was sick with dementia, she accidentally took too much of her medication and had to be hospitalized when she was found on the floor with a concussion and hypothermic, ice cold. After the concussion, she developed new overlapping mental illness along with dementia. She had ultra rapid cycling bipolar psychosis, so she would be in extreme emotional anguish, furious and violent, or very sweet and happy throughout the day, while hallucinating all sorts of things and suffering delusions. We think she may have also had pseudobulbar affect, but there was a lot going on and it was hard to tell. But they got her on medication to help soothe the emotional anguish she was suffering. Grandma was happy in the week before her death and giving everyone hugs. She died in 2019. It doesn't feel like thatl ong ago since the pandemic messed time up. I still mourn her and the happy memories of visiting her and seeing my family every summer at her house.
There are a lot of things that have been changed by her passing. I realized that due to my autism and severe social anxiety, I struggle greatly with maintaining family relationships and even though they are on social media I can't even stay in touch with them because of my fear of social media (this is from bullying trauma). It might seem crazy to some people that using social media would be scary, but it truly does overwhelm me and I can't handle all the stimuli and all the people at once. I get scared and have pretty much remained silent. I also have this challenge with texting my family members due to social anxiety. I don't know why. When we saw each other at my grandma's house every summer, that helped me socialize and stay in touch with everyone. That was our precious time to interact and it's gone now and I don't know how to get over this new challenge. I have a hard time with change. I am not good at initiating contact. It was always up to someone else to bring us together to have fun and socialize. I am so ashamed and heartbroken by my failure to remain in touch with my family. I cry so much over this problem and growing rift. I didn't want to become estranged.
Now another family member is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer this winter. This month the doctor gave him his "death sentence" how how long he has to live with his untreatable cancer. He is a loved member of our family, multi-skilled and full of life. He's a performer and has rescued many dogs and a few cats. He's not old and it's like a car crash finding out he's going to die.
There has also been not a death, but a tragedy with a non-bio family member. She relapsed into a drug addiction this year and lost her house. Her child (a sweet little girl who I got to meet and spend time with a few times when we saw each other for Christmas) was taken into custody by social workers. Prior to her drug addiction, this woman was one of the most maternal people . She was great with kids, extremely loving and motherly. She's older than me and when I was a little kid she made up such fun games to play and made me so happy. It absolutely kills me that her drug addiction has won and take over her life. We live in the same town and I have no fcking idea what to even say to her. I feel like there's a glass barrier and I can't speak to her or anything...i don't know what to do.
I have been crying so much this month, everything just hit me and I do not know how to cope with this. Where do I go from here? I appreciate recommendations for any support groups or anything at all that has helped you with this sort of thing, this ongoing complicated grief.

Context, I work at a store that closes at midnight. I was the SFL on duty tonight. Two girls call and apparently were promised a 16x20 canvas earlier yesterday by another manager or apparently me because she recognizes my voice when i don’t even work on fridays but it was promised to be done and it’s showing as completed in the system. She also has another ten 8x10 photos which she placed 10 minutes ago and was waiting for at curbside pickup but nobody came out to ask them about their order. That’s definitely not how curbside works but ok.
She and her twin bff belittle me over the phone like i’m Satans spawn when i tell her i won’t be able to print out and assemble a 16x10 canvas in the 18 minutes that we have before we close since she needs it for a college project tomorrow which i understand but I give her a big discount and tell her to pick it up tomorrow morning while it prints which is the best i could do. She won’t come inside and wants me to drop off her 8x10 photos in the parking lot. I go outside and once she sees that i’m a dude the same age as her and not a demon she’s talking to on the other end, It’s all smiles and apologies by the besties who apparently had forgotten completely about all the degrading shit that was said to me on the phone.

I think the Memories (the gameplay involved, not the cutscenes) is one element that's much better in BOTW that is than TOTK. Finding locations based on a photo was a great concept. It seems like the new way of locating memories is the developers forcing something to be different but not quite better - I think I would have preferred if they had reused the BOTW idea.
I do like how they sort of guide you to find them linearly to follow the story in TOTK, in fact I think it'd be a little better if they only let you unlock one at a time or something else to make it easier to view the cutscenes in order (even just show them in order regardless of location).

Hello everyone,
I have a couple of Netgate SG-5100s that I am no longer using and would like to place in a good home. Both routers are in like new condition and have been used in a non-smoking environment. I have upgraded one of them to a 128 gig mSATA. The other has not been upgraded but will come with a new-in-box mSATA 128 that you can upgrade it with, heat pads and mSATA mounting screw included. Both routers have the original power cord, power brick, and USB console cable.
Routers will ship from APO 09880 via USPS so shipping time will be a little longer than normal US delivery time. Payment via PayPal. Asking $200 shipped each OBO.
Tech Specs: The Netgate SG-5100 is a fairly compact desktop unit. Rough measurements put it around 8.5×5.75×1.75 inches in size. The headline feature of the unit is a six 1GbE port array. The four IX ports come from the quad-core Intel Atom C3558 integrated MAC. The two IGB ports utilize two Intel i210-at NICs. Combined, Netgate has six Intel 1GbE NICs although there are slightly different feature sets.
Photo: https://imgur.com/y32stXt

At some point I need to post a couple photos and details regarding an extremely important issue, in hopes that someone may have some information. It needs to reach as many people in Fremont as possible with a limited budget.
Besides this subreddit, what are all the other places I can post to?
I'm primarily interested in online places, but am open to a print publication if there's one that lands on everyone's doorstep.
Sorry to be ambiguous at this point. Thanks for any ideas.
Edit: forgot the subject line