I just want to go on a small rant here.
Last night I get home from work at 11pm, I have a shower then I load up some Diablo 4. I see a few hour long video uploaded by destiny, featuring Mel battling some redpill idiots. Sounds good right?
There I am, mid way through a boss fight. Then this dumb fuck starts going about how people leaving abusive relationships are weak ass quitters and everyone just quits everything and they need to stick it out.
This triggered me off the planet, it might be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard anyone say. I alt tab out of my boss fight, I don’t stop the video I close the whole fucking chrome application and fucking wonder how in the fuck I am the same entity as that idiot.
I can’t actually tell what the bloody hell this red pill shit is, I’m start to assume it’s giving the worst fucking possible advise out to dudes to try to get them single forever so they can make them more desperate and fork out more cash for more advise or something. I just don’t get it.
I don’t think ever heard them about how to communicate with women which to the shock of no one is most likely the most sure fire way to finding a partner. Instead they try to get them trapped in a never ending loop of finding the most superficial women in the world to churn and burn through.
I just wanted to get that shit out of my head because I hate all these red pill dumb fucks

I lived on the west coast and I was so good at my job and everyone knew it. I was so passionate about it. I loved the people there. I loved going into work everyday and some of the people there became my best friends. Unfortunately, I was dumb and to this day I still regret it, but I decided to date one of my coworkers and it blew up in my face. He broke up with me after he had sex with me and I had to see him everyday.
I couldn’t handle the stress of it on top of my really demanding job and I quit. I took a new job and moved across the country.
Well, I don’t really like my new job. I have 0 passion for it. I don’t like the people there. Everyone’s very sarcastic and mean and the turnover rate is extremely high. The CEO quit last night. It just feels like I joined a nightmare and I wish I could go back to my old place.
I know my old place would take me back (they told me so), if I want to go back after being here for a year. But I feel like I’ll look like a loser if I come back. Like I tried to do the big city thing and I failed. And how am I supposed to work with an ex everyday? Especially after I blocked him on stuff? But I miss my old job and friends.
I just feel stuck. I feel depressed and I cry on my way home from work everyday because of how much I miss my old coworkers.

It's my first love & my first heartbreak, wishing I could be the person I am but just can't be right now. I am still terrified of losing her and she's not even here. The thought of her being with someone else is driving me insane, but at the same time it was the right decision to break up. It is so fucking frustrating!
She was my main emotional support, almost all of my happiness & my closest friend. I'm so angry at myself for letting myself rely on her so much when there was so much uncertainty surrounding our relationship. I just thought I got strong enough to deal with it.
There was a time in the relationship when she said that if we fall in love she'll stay in Melbourne. There was a time when she was applying to jobs in Melbourne as a reason to stay, she was definitely looking at staying & I clung to that. We even briefly talked about doing some travelling together. It made it harder when she left. I do feel like I've been messed around a bit & I turned into an inconvenience to her. She knew how much I wanted her to stay, even though I never asked her to. She said it felt like there was a lot of pressure on her, which I do understand. She never meant to fall in love either. But I feel we could have come up with some kind of plan, but she couldn't. She is just kind of winging it.
I understand she was following her dreams & I do truly hope she has a lovely time, but it just felt like I was not being considered in any future plans. There was absolutely no certainty in any aspect of the relationship outside of us being in love.
We started as housemates & kissed about a week in, I knew I was going to fall for her as soon as I went back into my room. The next day I realised how messy the situation would be: were housemates so the fallout could be terrible, her brother is also living with us, she is planning on leaving, I have doubts of how I'll handle heartbreak etc. So I tried to call it off, she convinced me that it was a good idea so we continued.
Then, and this is where I really mess up, a few weeks later the fears come back. After spending every single night together in the same bed I think I'm starting to fall in love with her & I tell her this is a bad idea and I can't to it. She kicks me out of bed & I go for a walk. I realise that I've made a mistake & that I don't care if it's going to hurt, that I do love her & have not stopped thinking about her since that first kiss. I plead my case & she took me back that night, obviously still a bit upset with me.
The next four months spent living with her have been the best of my life. Romantic weekends away, going out together, cooking & cleaning up together, sleeping together, doing almost everything together. I can confidently say that I was a lovely boyfriend in this time, I would regularly buy her flowers, gifts, send her poetry and let her know how much special she is to me. She was equally as wonderfully lovely too, I had never experienced love like she gave me.
Then I'm at work & I get a text saying work approved of her transfer. We had talked about this & in my mind I knew it was coming but my heart still believed she would stay. This brought up a lot of abandonment issues & I took them out on her. I was moody, visibly upset that she was leaving & distant. That said, I did find out my little sister has just tried to kill herself in this time so there was probably a bit of that going on too. But this all just made her feel extra pressure, something she did tell me she struggles with. I do wish I could have kept it together for her.
After I found out she was going I asked our friend to convince me not to break up with her as I couldn't see how we would work with all of the uncertainties. She had no plan of her travels, and was completely honest about not being able to give me any kind of certainty for the indefinite future. He said he couldn't see the romance in it & that it was the right thing to do. I didn't accept that & called up my little sister, she said the same thing and then told me shes in hospital. During the next few days I am a bad boyfriend: cold, distant and moody. I felt so guilty about thinking about breaking up with her, some of the childhood issues resurface, little sister & I don't cope. I finally find a friend who has been in a long distance relationship, giving me hope & I use that. I tell my girlfriend in bed that I was thinking about breaking up with her & she's furious, she's angry at me for how I treated her during this time & says she feels insecure in the relationship. I do my best to make it up to her, show up at her work with a rose, even tell her some details of my mother leaving when I was a kid in hopes for her to understand why I'm struggling. We make up, have a nice few days & then she leaves.
3 weeks of long distance were tough. I'm clingy and she's busy. We have small arguments, she feels pressured by me. Her reception is problematic, stressed with the travels, living situation, work etc. We barely talk. We call maybe 5 times in this time period, all requiring my to stay up until 12-4am for a 10 minute phone call. She's tired from all the stress. This all makes me feel very insecure in the relationship & I tell her how I feel and ask her to please send me a picture of her every day & let's try and organise a time we can call eachother. She doesn't send a picture more often than she does & she can't help organise a time to call. This eventually leads to me asking her to promise me that she's not going to break up with me when I next see her, which is in a short time. I had organised a flight to see my sister once she was out of hospital & my gf was also in the same area. When I ask her to promise me she freaks, saying how much pressure she feels. When I tell her I'm coming soon she freaks, saying she doesn't need someone following her around Australia- I tell her that broke my heart & have to explain that I'm going over for my suicidal sibling, and I do hope to see her too.
She stays with me when I fly over at my childhood home, we have a decent few days but I can't help be angry with her. I'm overwhelmed with being back at home again, worried about my little sister & frustrated with myself & her with how the last month has unfolded. I give some stupid input into her relationship with her brother which wasn't my business & comes off as snobby. She's angry again & we have a bad day. We go out that night & I snap at her while drunk, we raise our voices a bit & don't talk much for the next hour. Hours up & I sit down to apologise, saying how stressful this all is for me & then I misunderstand what she says- I thought she was taking the piss about how I can't look after my siblings. I storm off & leave her & her 24yo brother in town on their own, requiring them to get a taxi back to my place. She explains that I took her words incorrectly & I try to apologise as much as possible. Next few days are bad & I decide that this isn't working, that we are barely in a relationship & that won't change for the indefinite future. That I'm at a point in my life where I need to focus on myself & that this isn't fair on either of us. I once again try to get some kind of certainty of when I'll see her again and she can't give me one, saying she now wants to live in as many countries as she can before 30 & that she can't promise she'll be in the country at the end of the year. I tell her I can't do this anymore. We end amicably, have a reasonably nice last few days & she provides hope for the future.
We continue to text as regularly as the 3 weeks apart & I have a bad day a week and a half in. I make a Reddit post listing all of the bad things I did in the relationship, saying how I regret breaking up & then I beg her to take me back over text. She has none of it, reminding me that I've broken us up so many times before & that I can't act like this. I'm still acting clingy to this day, I just can't find a way to deal with this. A lot of my childhood stuff has come back during this time & it's tough.
I just don't know how to deal with this. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any opinions of how I handled it?
TLDR: struggling to deal with heartbreak of a 5 month relationship & need some input into what could have done differently, thanks xxx

my (22F) mother (49F) is simply a bad person and i spent my whole childhood trying to cut her some slack but ive had enough and i feel like i need to vent. i was traumatised so many times i cant even recount every one of them but here is a few: -i have never heard her say the words “im sorry”. never. not to anyone. that cant be normal, right? -when i was about 9-10 i told my dad that i think my mom doesnt care about me and doesnt want to talk to me. my dad wanted to help so he told my mom about this privately, which resulted in her having 1 conversation with me that night, acting like i was her favourite person (but not looking up from her phone). never did it again. -when i was 15 i overheard her telling my dad that she is happy i didnt get into a really good high school that was competitive because then i wouldve had to spend years with a bunch of kids who were much smarter than me and i wouldnt have been able to handle that (meaning im dumb. that was very clear from the way she spoke.) -when i was 11 i spent MONTHS sewing a teddy for her, it was a bunny i made from scratch for her birthday and i was super excited to give it to her. she acted really happy about it when i finally gave it to her but then i only saw it once, years later when we were moving, it was behind the TV on the ground in the dust :) never gave her a real, meaningful gift again. -when i was 20 i got into a uni abroad so i moved. my brother told me she overheard her telling my dad she thinks im not going to make it and im going to be back in a month. i did make it. im still abroad, self sufficient. -a few years ago my brother, who was around 15 at the time found proof on her phone that she was cheating on my dad. (we were both crushed, and it kills us to not tell him, but my brother, who is now 18 is really afraid of getting involved, and since i dont live with them anymore and he does, i have to respect his wishes to stay out of it, since it would affect him much more than me.)
i dont know how to deal with all the pent up frustration, and the feeling of basically never having a mother who truly loved me and supported me. this is something i want to put behind me, since she never took accountibility, or even tried to find a resolution between us. i think she doesnt even know or acknowledge that she hurt me in ways that will need a shit ton of therapy to even uncover. i hope anyone who read this feels less alone now.

Classic tale as old as alcoholism. Had about 126 days sober when, suddenly, thoughts of drinking ice cold beer were creeping back in. I thought about it for at least 2 weeks before finally decided to try it again.
April 22nd, 2023. That's the day I made the decision to drink again. I was so scared of the possibility of heading back to the hell I used to live in that I didn't drink the same night I bought it. Eventually, curiosity and fuck it's got the best of me. I had been slowly transitioning back to working full time after recovering from a surgery. The stress of being back in the old grind tickled the old neural pathways of stopping at the store on my way home. The first couple times I drank were actually pretty nice. I got a good buzz of a just a few beers and for a brief moment in time everything felt like it was gonna be okay.
Fast forward a few weekends later and I'm puking my guts out on a Friday afternoon after binging the equivalent of 9 drinks in the span of less than 2 hours. My skin quickly getting hagged out after having such a nice, healthy glow from treating myself well. Gaining weight back that I fought hard to lose over the winter, spending hundreds of dollars of craft beer. Cause drinking cheap stuff is just depressing and gross. All kinds of rules and limitations of when/ were and how much I could drink slowly slipping away. The damn writing is on the wall, it always has been for me. Just needed to kinda vent and call myself out.
So far it hasn't been as rough or depressing as my last relapse, but I see it heading that direction quickly if I don't put my foot down now and do what needs to be done. I don't think I'll need detox, yet I have been drinking the equivalent of 8-12 drinks a day for about a month now. Just keep thinking about how awesome I felt when I had few weeks or a few months sober. I want that back more than anything right now.
TL;DR: Field research mixed results, yep... still an alcoholic!

Hello! My family son(9) , daughter(15), and wife will be visiting NYC July 7th. I have not been to NYC since the mid 90s and I need advice. We were planning on going to the yankees/cubs game that Friday night and leaving the next evening.

• We were thinking about staying Midtown at either the Hilton Garden, Ameritania, or the Hilton Midtown because of the close proximity to the 7th ave station, which I think if I am reading correctly should(B,D train) go straight to the Yankee stadium. Is this a good idea and is this the are where you guys would stay that is easy to get to the game and back and not crazy expensive?
• 2nd question, what is the best way to get here from Grand Central when we get there around around 11am, Taxi?
• What time do you recommend getting to the game? 5:30ish-6ish? Would you buy tickets that morning from Stubhub to save money and hopefully get closer tickets to the field for around 80-100 a ticket? Where to get decent food like snacks or subs to bring into the game?
• That will leave us for 5ish hours on Friday 11-5 and Saturday until 4ish(6ish hours) to see some sites and do things . We are traveling light with just backpacks which we will probably leave at the hotel, is this a good idea? How do tourists carry crap around NYC if you cannot bring them in or can you?
• Any suggestions on things to do either day? Friday I would think we would stay closer to midtown then Saturday maybe financial district or that general side of Manhattan but really up for anything. Must sees? Half the fam has already been to the top of the Rock so we can leave that out.
• Good pizza, breakfast, street food near our hotel(if this is everywhere then just say that, lol
  l know this is a lot of questions but we are kind of lost on what we should do with our free time and want to maximize the experience. Sorry for the Novel but I thank you for the tips.
  

So I work cart pushing and last night around the end of my shift (10:50pm-11pm) my team lead decided to randomly pick on me while I was returning my work gear. She was running a register and asked me if all the carts are in the garages (I should mention we are an extremely big Walmart and we have a gas station) and I said yes. I’m also known as the one man army because I can handle the shift alone. She doubted me I assume because she decided to tell me she would give me a lot of crap if any carts were out. It’s not really fair considering customers leave carts out even after my shift ends which isn’t in my control. So I shrugged knowing it is what it is. She decided to hop off the register and followed me out and telling me how there were so many carts out (10-15 carts max which isn’t many) and I told her I have both garages full. She said to get them anyways and I responded with yes ma’am. While i go grab the carts I noticed her watching me from inside the doors so i smile and wave, I guess I triggered her because she comes out threatening to send me home for that. I told her i’m good and continues to watch me. I turned the corner and she came out looking for me. The only problem is she targets me but not my lazy coworkers who take two hour lunches and sit in the corners all day 😐. I never understood treating good workers poorly and bad workers well tbh. I did not talk back or disobey so I have no idea what her deal was. I would say my work performance is exceedingly great compared to the average cart pusher.

Only Europe Please - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will permanently be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone interested in being my friend - not the whole world which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me avice better block me
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make any time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give you one word answer and ask you another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different🙂What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and without partners..Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them ( which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (Acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others on a daily basis mainly because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..Why I'd rather talk to people from my continent? Well..Mainly because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - Especially given most people are always available on social media sites & keep their phones in a pocket.Once you receive & open my message - get back to me (If you're as serious as I am & really need a true friend) waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticising people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have non important conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason.All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people really are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk daily? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionallyI'm not trying to sound rude - I just don't want to meet new people and get emotionally attached - only to end up being left alone after weeks or months of daily conversations.I'm sick of that never ending story and always meeting people who ghost me without a single word (even if everything seems to be ok) or people who "change priorities" over time & become like strangers…I don't want to go through this ever again.Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :)It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you. 🙂
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I'm not really interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on some question or? Start talking only about themselves.. I love conversations with people refering to every part of my messages - not just some question.
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• No dirty messages PLEASE.I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. No NSWF profiles..I always check people's profiles (Even comment history) - To avoid guys,trying to get inappropriate photos from adult women or? flirt with them & If your comment history is full of rude comments - you and I wouldn't get along! I can't stand people who judge other people and use vulgar words to describe them or? Make fun of them.Respect is very important
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• If both (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country ) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just simply don't want to talk to a person from the same country - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to practice your english
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• Please only adult people 18-36 age range (I'm 27)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even though It is a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - I think it's ok to not respond to someone's first or second message If people think they wouldn't get along! I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversation and seeing people changing priorities but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real If I'm really interested in someone's message - I respond within a matter of minutes - max 6 hours (If I'm in bed - just sleeping) you won't even hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I really was too busy to make time for others - I wouldn't be here. I either want to talk to someone..or not.I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike some people)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - just like me - just to describe your emotions through text. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough I just don't like emotionless messages.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively.
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you ) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• Time response matters to me a lot! It matters to me whether I get a message back after one hour,three hours,6 hours or..12 hours and even..after a couple of days..And If you're another person just looking for one day conversation and then? "Disappear" for some amount of time longer than one day to come back and apologize me for being busy - don't even leave me a message.I just want to be honest with you from the start.I'm interested only in daily conversations
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Why can’t you see any of my interests listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest,talkative,understanding,caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but in my personal opinion,common interests are important mainly when you want to find a gaming buddy (for example) or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's interests – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life– way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you!I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced.
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Both people wanting to be friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I higly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk everyday to be friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations with someone also interested in talking dailyIf you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night)I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new.You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that's something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance. But others see it as false hope. Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're only responsible for ourselves - not for others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on,forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because a therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you.Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out & feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else"Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others.Empathy is everything
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Our world needs more peace 🤗 I've seen a lot of rude comments on reddit.If you don't agree with me - OK but please don't criticize me + Not everyone is here to ask for advice.Listen people - I know how different my post is & I know It won't be easy for me to find what or rather who - I'm looking for BUT I always want to be myself instead of pretending someone I'm not and lying to others.I know It would be easier if (like others) I had less expectations but I I know what I want and honestly? If my post was different..I wouldn't be me.Even If I won't meet a person I'd get along with - that's ok! but don't give me any unsolicited advice because I wouldn't change for someone who doesn't even know me pretty much as I wouldn't want to change anyone else.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.I'm not here to argue with anyone and to make fun of others.
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abrreviations,If you don't need an emotional connection,If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship,to be natural which is why I want you to contact me If your needs are the same - I don't want you to try to change yourself only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I know It's possible to find what I'm looking for as I had conversations with people looking for exactly the same thing and being nice to me - I want to believe in my luck again as I had it a few times on reddit - I've recently lost someone I thought could be a friend of mine (such a perfect match) and I'm sad but I want to finally be happy again & find someone always wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals and what is the most important to me? To find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests.I don't really like public conversations and I also do not respond to comments so If you want to send me a message just do it without saying "You can DM me" + I'm online almost all the time and yes - I am very selective but If I had to choose between having another (new) acquaintance and being in the same situation as I currently am - I'd always choose second option.I don't need more people to talk to every now and then and any chit chat so please think twice before you decide to send me a message

Only Europe Please - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will permanently be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone interested in being my friend - not the whole world which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me avice better block me
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make any time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give you one word answer and ask you another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different🙂What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and without partners..Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them ( which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (Acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others on a daily basis mainly because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..Why I'd rather talk to people from my continent? Well..Mainly because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - Especially given most people are always available on social media sites & keep their phones in a pocket.Once you receive & open my message - get back to me (If you're as serious as I am & really need a true friend) waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticising people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have non important conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason.All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people really are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk daily? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionallyI'm not trying to sound rude - I just don't want to meet new people and get emotionally attached - only to end up being left alone after weeks or months of daily conversations.I'm sick of that never ending story and always meeting people who ghost me without a single word (even if everything seems to be ok) or people who "change priorities" over time & become like strangers…I don't want to go through this ever again.Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :)It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you. 🙂
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I'm not really interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on some question or? Start talking only about themselves.. I love conversations with people refering to every part of my messages - not just some question.
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• No dirty messages PLEASE.I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. No NSWF profiles..I always check people's profiles (Even comment history) - To avoid guys,trying to get inappropriate photos from adult women or? flirt with them & If your comment history is full of rude comments - you and I wouldn't get along! I can't stand people who judge other people and use vulgar words to describe them or? Make fun of them.Respect is very important
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• If both (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country ) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just simply don't want to talk to a person from the same country - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to practice your english
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• Please only adult people 18-36 age range (I'm 27)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even though It is a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - I think it's ok to not respond to someone's first or second message If people think they wouldn't get along! I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversation and seeing people changing priorities but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real If I'm really interested in someone's message - I respond within a matter of minutes - max 6 hours (If I'm in bed - just sleeping) you won't even hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I really was too busy to make time for others - I wouldn't be here. I either want to talk to someone..or not.I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike some people)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - just like me - just to describe your emotions through text. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough I just don't like emotionless messages.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively.
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you ) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• Time response matters to me a lot! It matters to me whether I get a message back after one hour,three hours,6 hours or..12 hours and even..after a couple of days..And If you're another person just looking for one day conversation and then? "Disappear" for some amount of time longer than one day to come back and apologize me for being busy - don't even leave me a message.I just want to be honest with you from the start.I'm interested only in daily conversations
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Why can’t you see any of my interests listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest,talkative,understanding,caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but in my personal opinion,common interests are important mainly when you want to find a gaming buddy (for example) or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's interests – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life– way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you!I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced.
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Both people wanting to be friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I higly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk everyday to be friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations with someone also interested in talking dailyIf you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night)I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new.You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that's something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance. But others see it as false hope. Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're only responsible for ourselves - not for others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on,forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because a therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you.Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out & feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else"Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others.Empathy is everything
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Our world needs more peace 🤗 I've seen a lot of rude comments on reddit.If you don't agree with me - OK but please don't criticize me + Not everyone is here to ask for advice.Listen people - I know how different my post is & I know It won't be easy for me to find what or rather who - I'm looking for BUT I always want to be myself instead of pretending someone I'm not and lying to others.I know It would be easier if (like others) I had less expectations but I I know what I want and honestly? If my post was different..I wouldn't be me.Even If I won't meet a person I'd get along with - that's ok! but don't give me any unsolicited advice because I wouldn't change for someone who doesn't even know me pretty much as I wouldn't want to change anyone else.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.I'm not here to argue with anyone and to make fun of others.
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abrreviations,If you don't need an emotional connection,If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship,to be natural which is why I want you to contact me If your needs are the same - I don't want you to try to change yourself only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I know It's possible to find what I'm looking for as I had conversations with people looking for exactly the same thing and being nice to me - I want to believe in my luck again as I had it a few times on reddit - I've recently lost someone I thought could be a friend of mine (such a perfect match) and I'm sad but I want to finally be happy again & find someone always wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals and what is the most important to me? To find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests.I don't really like public conversations and I also do not respond to comments so If you want to send me a message just do it without saying "You can DM me" + I'm online almost all the time and yes - I am very selective but If I had to choose between having another (new) acquaintance and being in the same situation as I currently am - I'd always choose second option.I don't need more people to talk to every now and then and any chit chat so please think twice before you decide to send me a message

6/5/23 Update (Part II of my Amazing Chiari Recovery Tale): "The Cerebellum Ain't Just About Balance, Baby"
So I want to make something very clear. From here on out, I wouldn't consider this a typical Chiari recovery tale at all anymore. As far as I know, it is not usual to have this level of emotion regulation benefit from a Chiari Surgery. But... that doesn't mean it /can't/ happen. Because clearly it's happened for me.
If you watch Dr. Stieg's "This Is Your Brain Podcast: Chiari in Adults" (the same one that convinced me to drive to NYC for consultation with him:
https://www.youtube.com/live/KyGGoA3Y2ko?feature=share
.... you'll see he takes questions at the end. And one of the questions he answers is about whether there are any big cognitive and emotional effects from Chiari. And he essentially says no -- unless there's hydrocephalus, water on the brain, being caused too, why whould there be? The cerebellum isn't really involved with higher cognitive and emotional stuff. It's more about the balance and all that. Of course, the stress and misery and anxiety of living with any chronic pain condition affects people's mental health. So certainly resolving the Chiari may still sort of indirectly help with their mental health in all sorts of very significant ways.
Ok. Fair enough. But here's where, if I were having an argument with him about this here and now (which I guess I am! Because that's apparently just how I am -- sorry, Dr. Stieg, intending no disrespect to your knowledge and authority -- you're the best!)... I would turn the same phrase he used with me in discussing my physical symptom resolution right back at him: "The proof is in the pudding." What he meant when he used that phrase was that, although of course we are going to do a follow-up MRI in a few months, and see how things stand, the imaging is not really important. The evidence is clear. I had the surgery, and all my physical problems (the crippling head aches and neck aches, the trouble choking on liquids and drooling, the numb/weak hands, episodes of dizziness, etc.) almost instantly resolved. We already know the surgery worked. I would say the proof is in the pudding about the drastic mental health/emotional changes I have experienced since the Chiari decompression as well.
So first, I guess I'm gonna have to get real with ya about the the psychiatric struggles. (Oh well. I never was that private of a person to start. I'll talk to just about anyone about just about anything. Always been that way.) So my struggles in this area, summarized:
I had my first bad episode of depression when I was about 13. There were definite stressors, and I would define it as the worst year of my life. Among the stressors, in brief: I was in 7th grade, first year of junior high. I was HORRIBLY bullied, harassed, and teased by the other kids. Mostly girls. They'd wait for me at my locker in mean girl gaggles, taunt and laugh at me throughout the halls, etc. It was *BAD*. Very bad. I can only speculate as to the reasons I got it so bad. I had gender-non-conforming interests. I hated wearing dresses and didn't like the stupid girl stuff I was supposed to care about. I liked Dungeons & Dragons and fighting video games and would rather hang out with my brother and his friends than any of the boring girls I knew. I kind of felt like I /was/ a boy, actually. No different from my brother. But needless to say, no one else really saw it that way. What they DID see... was that I was different, and not following the rules of what I was supposed to like and how I was supposed to act. And boy. The shit I got for it. Like I said... it was bad. They called me "The Thing" when they passed me in the halls ("Look at that THING! What is it? A boy or a girl? We don't know -- we'll just have to call it THING. Ha ha!"). They harassed and teased me about my breasts, because I was one of the first to develop ("There goes the goddess of puberty -- ha ha, goddess of puberty!") And, of course, I was smart - a nerd - always raising my hand to answer the questions in class - so that probably didn't help my popularity any either.
Anyway. No one ever stuck up for me. There were the kids who actively harassed me, and the ones who desperately avoided me to avoid being associated with me. I had no friends in the 7th grade. I had a few, back in the 6th. But lost them all when the 3 elementary schools got merged into the big junior high or whatever. Absolutely NO ONE thought it would be a good idea to associate with me. And so they didn't. It was SO bad, SO miserable, I thought about doing all kinds of crazy things to escape having to go back to school. Maybe... if I did something REALLY crazy, like stab my brother or something (who, by the way, I adored, but that was how desperate I was - like, you know, just a LITTLE stab wound, just for show) -- they'd just put me in a psych hospital or something and I'd never have to go back to school again? I obviously spent a lot of time thinking about killing myself. My mother ultimately ended up having to move me to an entirely different school because of the level of bullying. And it did help somewhat. (Also, the next year, I met my first boyfriend - which meant that I finally also had a friend - and it's no exaggeration to say that probably saved my life. We were inseparable for the next 3 years. He didn't care that I was a girl who kicked ass at Streetfighter. We spent our time playing Streetfighter together.)
13 was also the year my parents divorced. So like I said. A bad, bad year. And... I know that is about the time when I started to come emotionally off the rails and things changed for me. So I always sort of just assumed... that my brokenness was all the result of this social trauma I'd been through or what not. I mean, we all try to make sense of ourselves and our experiences somehow, through some sort of story, explanation. And that became my self-narrative.
Specifically, the sort of mental health struggles I ended up with were major emotion regulation issues. Like way exaggerated reactions to small things. High level of emotional reactivity, particularly rejection sensitivity, and high level of obsessive-compulsive level rumination and depression. Struggled with these things basically for life since, and always just assumed, well, that's how I am. Guess my experiences broke me, or maybe I was broken for birth. The way I tend to characterize myself in short-hand is as a "mini-borderline." (I'm a genuine licensed psychologist, so I can throw terms like that around if I want to!) And you can look up symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder if you're interested in learning more about that. But here is how I would qualitatively describe my problems:
A high level of emotional immaturity. It is like a 4-year-old child is running the show emotionally. And I can SEE it happening at the time (I have no problem with my higher cognitive functions!) -- I can no I am being ridiculous, over-reacting, being childish, whatever, but I unfortunately can't CONTROL that reaction. My stunted capacity for emotional regulation lost me a lot of friends. A lot of relationships. I was "too much" for a lot of people to deal with in that way. When I was sad, I was *TOO* intensely sad, boyfriends told me. SCARY sad. I was clingy. I was needy. I couldn't self-soothe. I hated being alone more than anything. My 4-year-old emotional self was always quivering in fear and always looking for somebody to save them. But there was never anybody around when they desperately needed that comfort and reassurance.
No problem with higher cognitive capacities. And was always of course embarrassed, ashamed, and so on for knowing there was something wrong with me and I wasn't able to function like other people in a "mature" emotional way. But I couldn't change it. Not after more than 10 years of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or Dialective Behavioral Therapy or insight-oriented therapy or trauma-based therapy. Not after trying a dozen different anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. I guessed it was just who I was. I guessed I was just too broken by my trauma history or whatever to ever really fix.
And that was the story I told myself. To make sense of who I was and why.
Only... what IF. It had never really been true. What if... there had been a pretty significant organic component the whole entire time? What if it had a little something to do with my brain sliding into my spinal canal and blocking CSF flow? Well... let's talk about the what-if.
In doing my week of deep-dive research into Chiari (since being diagnosed on 5/5/23, and meeting with Dr. Stieg for MRI review and consultation on 5/18), I learned a thing or two about Chiari
For example, I learned from Dr. Judy Hwang at Johns Hopkins
https://youtu.be/xQjToJy4LO8
... that although Chiari is congenital, there is OFTEN a particular moment that people can remember that triggered their symptoms. That these are often things like head blows and whiplash. (Which, of course, makes total sense. The force of the incident made the herniation worse, or as she mentions, due to the Chiari the person probably doesn't have the natural reserve of CSF that they should bathing and protecting the brain either.
And I learned this. That there's a good amount of evidence to show the cerebellum ain't just about balance, baby:
https://www.imrpress.com/journal/JIN/17/4/10.31083/j.jin.2018.04.0414/htm
"Recently, different studies have provided evidence that the presence of cerebellar degeneration or stroke may involve cognitive deficits beyond motor impairment, including the ability to form concepts and other language disorders [1, 2], impairment in executive functions [3], and visuospatial deficits [4], accompanied in many cases by a regressive personality, and emotional lability or dramatic mood swings."
[...] "cerebellar cognitive affective syndrome described by Schmahmann and Sherman [5] as characterized by the following: (a) Disturbances of executive function, including deficient planning, set-shifting, abstract reasoning, working memory, and decreased verbal fluency, (b) Impaired spatial cognition, including visuospatial disorganization and impaired visuospatial memory, (c) Linguistic difficulties, including dysprosodia, agrammatism, and mild anomia, and (d) Personality change, characterized by flattening or blunting of affect, and disinhibited or inappropriate behavior. [...] Personality changes include flattening or blunting of affect, disinhibited behaviors, such as over-familiarity, flamboyance, impulsive actions, humorous but inappropriate and flippant comments, regressive, childlike behaviors, and obsessive-compulsive traits."
Now, far be it from me to gain-say personal hero and actual expert in the field Dr. Philip Stieg (those who know me are probably laughing -- I am the sort of person who will argue with anyone about anything. KIND of a favorite personal hobby, and at times a bit annoying, as I'm sure my family and friends would attest). I know he said in that lecture that Chiari wouldn't be expected to have significant cognitive or emotional effects unless hydrocephalus was also at play.
And maybe this is all just simple, 100% placebo effect. And the seemingly miraculous benefits will all fade away soon. I'm just sayng... since waking up from my Chiari surgery, my mood has been wonderful. Calm, happy. No more depression, anxious rumination, weird obsessive-compulsive fixations... I kept assuming, of course, that this was just a temporary effect of pain medications, or muscle relaxant medications, or steroids, or SOMETHING. Maybe the steroids had triggered a hypomanic high, as the body's hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis was working on straightening itself back out. Maybe it was just the VAST, VAST relief of pretty much all the physical pain and problems that had been torturing me for the past 7 years suddenly being gone. I mean, obviously a mood this great wasn't actually going to LAST. Right? But nice to enjoy it while it does, anyway. I literallly called my first week after surgery "magical." My magical week. Emotionally calm and happy in a way I literally could not remember EVER having experienced. Sure, my neck and skull had been split open and hurt a little. But I honestly didn't care. I just felt so overall good. And DIFFERENT, emotionally. And it manifested in all kinds of little ways
I told you about my 4-year-old child emotional part. Always needy and scared. It's practically like I have no sense of object-permanence - like within a few days of a friend being out of sight, I can't even be sure that they exist anymore. And so that causes a lot of issues for me with this one particularly close friend of ours. He's not really a caller or a texter or a stay in touch type. Which has caused me all kinds of misery and struggles, because of my own emotional deficits and neediness. But.... from the moment I woke up from surgery. I didn't /have/ that constant quivering 4-year-old fear anymore. I knew this friend was my friend and cared about me. I knew I'd seem him again soon, even if not right then. It was completely, competely different. Another example -- weird obsessive-compulsive stuff around eating. I would often be petrified with fear, due to this overpowering conviction that if I got too fat, no one would love me anymore. I'd do weird highly unhealthy restricted eating and over-exercising things when I got into that mode because I was just so fixated on it and terrified about it. Another 5 lbs, and maybe no one would be capable of loving me anymore.
I noticed immediately after the Chiari surgery I had no concerns about it. I was able to eat when I was hungry without any worry at all. I knew people would love me whether I was fat or not. It had nothing to do with whether my friends (or my husband) loved me. I could just like... eat like a normal person without worrying about it at all. As much as I wanted. Whenever I was hungry. So nice, right???
So even though I warned myself not to get ahead of myself, and that these were probably just temporary effects of feeling a whole hell of a lot of instant pain relief... as the days passed... and passed... and I remained content and happy and basically didn't have ANY of my former mental health struggles at all... I began to wonder if something else had really been going on here all along. And thinking back, and back, on when my real mood regulation difficulties first began. Age 13. And what Dr. Judy Hwang had said about trauma. About a lot of people being able to recall a particular trauma -- head blow, whiplash -- around the time their symptoms began. And then I remembered something that I'd never even told Dr. Stieg about my history -- because it hadn't fit the personal narrative I'd created, right, of my own emotional struggles, and I'd kind of forgotten about it.
I *did* have my first traumatic brain injury at age 13. My family was frolicking at a winter party and we foolishly decided it would be a good idea to try to navigate this metal canoe down this steep icy hill as a sled. We hit a tree. I hit my head and was have thrown out. I was unconcious and seizing on the ground. I had a bit of a headache and concussion afterward, but doc said I could count down by 7s, and was probably fine.
What if I had Chiari to start, and it was worse herniated by the TBI, and *that* is why all the real emotional struggles began for me at that time? And what if it had been this cognitive-affective cerebellar syndrome thing *ALL* the goddamned time, my whole entire life since? I've had MORE trauma since, whiplash from car accident in recent years, so that could again explain a worsening of herniation and rapid escalation of symptoms in recent years.
Another thing I wonder about is my severe visual-spacial deficits. I am one of those people who can drive a route every day, a thousand times, and still need a GPS to get there. I have a true disability in that regard. I wonder if that has anything to do with the Chiari. I wonder if that should have been a clue all along to the organic nature of the problem
So I am still thinking, and processing, and exploring, and figuring out.
But the excting upshot is, it really DOES appear so far that the Chiari surgery solved not only all my PHYSICAL problems... but emotional problems I'd been struggling with since the age of 13 as well.
Here's another thing in favor of a cerebellar cognitive-affective syndrome being a significant cotributing cause toward my emotional regulation issues. Let's look at what happened with my mood the first week post-surgery:
Day 1 (5/24): (immediately after waking up from surgery)
A little lability. That night at dinner, I cried because I couldn't get the food cart slid over enough over the hospital bed to eat without dropping two pieces of saucy pasta on my night shirt, and couldn't move my neck more forward to eat because of the surgery. (My husband solved the problem by holding the plate close to my mouth while I ate. Thanks, dear. After food I felt better.
Day 2 (5/25): Wonderful mood
Day 3 (5/26): Wonderful mood
Day 4 (5/27): Wonderful mood
Day 5 (5/28): Wonderful mood
Day 6 (5/29): Wonderful mood
Day 7 (5/30): Wonderful mood
Day 8 (5/31): Wonderful mood.
So 8 days of consecutive great mood and none of my typica emotional issues or struggles.
BUT then... we have Day 9. 6/1. When I started to feel really terrible. In all the ways I /usually/ feel terrible again. Here's an excerpt I was writing to my friend about it: "Well, first major downturn in mood last night at about 10:30 pm. I guess I am still me. And Chiari surgery didn’t fix EVERYTHING. I was feeling *SO* good for a few days I guess I must have left my hopes get a little unrealistically high." Back to pacing, crying, agitated, depressive rumination, feeling that nobody loved me. Like I'd always felt before. Assumed that was going to be the end of my "magical" post-surgery week.
Except that... it WASN'T the end of my happy mood bubble. I continued feeling pretty good every day since then. But you know what WAS different that night? The one night I felt so terrible? I'd apparently developed a strep infection. So that gets you thinking, doesn't it? An infection, causing maybe some swelling... and triggering a return to symptoms like I had always had before. Strep was treated with antibiotics and my mood has continued to be wonderful since, with no returns to the old emotional troubles since. No depresssion, my extreme mood reactivity, no anxious panicky feelings of friends "disappearing" when they are out of my side. Just a seemingly full and complete ability to emotionally process as an adult rather than a 4-year-old.
So. Could all those emotion regulation problems REALLY just have been the result of cerebellar cognitive-affective syndrome? What story do I tell myself now? About why I have always been the way I have... and how that has suddenly so drastically changed?
And kind of drastic it is. Let me give you an example of my typical emotional functioning before Chiari surgery was like.
Strep/swollen brain night (old brain): "Boo hoo, I have no friends, my friend's aren't talking to me, nobody loves me, I have no friends, no cards." Followed by rantic pacing and crying. I then proceeded to send one of my dearest friends an e-mail accusing him of wishing I had died or clearly not caring at all if I had. (Clingy, terrified 4-year-old clearly driving the emotional truck. It is embarrassing, the way that 4-year-old acts. But I could never control it.
And then here, for point of comparison, is my emotional functioning AFTER Chiari surgery: (once I got the strep infection sorted) New Chiari-fixed brain: "Wow. I should probably let all my friends know what's going on." Proceeds to email 15 friends and tell them what is going on, receiving lots of instant emails and concern and support from everyone and one particularly impressive get well bouquet.
It seems like it iso much easier for me to function like a reasonable, emotionally mature adult and process emotional information appropriately. Now that brain is no longer falling down my spine. And I guess that's really maybe not so suprising, right??
So overall, I continue to be amazed and delighted by the results of my surgery. But there is really a LOT to process here. I feel like a whole brand new person, a Version 2.0. I hope my friends like the new me! It is definitely going to take some time to get to know this new me myself. But don't get me wrong -- I totally can't wait to get started!!

Hi all, I've got a few questions about the SDW 100, but feel free to answer more generally.
For context, it'll be my first 100M, and my first over 50M, and my first non-loop ultra outside of training runs.
Q1: It's got free camping, and I'm tempted on the basis that it's at the start line, and I'm probably not going to sleep well anyway, so why not. But do lots of people camp? Are there any reasons not to beyond it being a bit less comfortable than a hotel? I guess I camp about once a year, so not a seasoned camper, but I know how to put up a tent. Should I expect my legs to be ruined by sleeping on a travel mat the night before, for instance?
Q2: The aid stations have tailwind and lots of other food / gels / etc., according to the website. Can I take food from the aid stations to carry. For instance, can I grab 4 gels and put them in my bag, or is that a no-no / impossible / impolite? I wouldn't do it if it was technically possible but poor form.
Q3: I haven't done nearly enough hill work for this sort of race. I'm tempted to take walking poles (I don't have running poles) to compensate a bit for that. Is that a good idea? At the moment I'm thinking of leaving them at the 56 mile point and seeing if I think I need them there, but if anyone has experience of taking them and regretting or not taking an regretting, let me know. Leaving at 56M as an option seems quite safe, though.
If anyone has any other questions about the SDW100, perhaps they could also ask here?

My daughter and I are coming to the big island for two weeks a little later this month, and we decided to hop over to Kauai.
We're getting a car and a tent, so our camp spot is flexible. We're very adventurous and don't mind getting up early or driving late to get to our resting place for the evening, as we've done in the past.
I'm thinking one night at Koke'e (so we can explore Waimea canyon) and one night at Anini beach.
Is this too crazy? Our goal is to get some views but also hit a good snorkel spot. If anyone has suggestions on how to get similar views to the Waimea canyon from the north side please let me know!

So, just why?
Can genuinely anyone give me one good in-universe lore reason for Zaraki being suddenly so all-powerful in CFYOW? Other than the obvious "Narita is a wanker"?
​
My main concern, not gonna lie, is Zaraki being hinted/implied to be stronger than Ichibe. Ichibe, who is the pinnacle of the shinigami race, hell, he's not even really a shinigami, he's a primeval being of a similar race to the Soul King himself, just weaker. He holds the power of all darkness and names, he has named all Zanpakto and Kido, and everything else there is in Soul Society, he knows almost everything, he's undoubtly the main reason why Squad Zero is stronger than the Gotei, absolutely destroyed Soul King's own son before the latter pulled out basically nigh-omnipotence hax, the dude can make the blood pressure in Quincy God's own body so big that it erupts his face from inside with blood, and that's just by clenching the muscles in his left arm. He can rename you to a snail and stomp you underfoot, and crush your throat without even touching you just because you talked back to him. He can bring about a blackness of a hundered future nights of the whole Soul Society and fuckin erase you from the existence altogether. He's basically a god in his own right, truly a "Shinigami".
​
Who is Zaraki? Some random ass soul from the slums of Rukongai who stole a sword off a corpse of some random gotei soldier, swinged it here and there, became a captain. That's it. Nothing more. There's literally nothing more to him whatsoever. Does he have an inner hollow? No. Maybe quincy or fullbring powers? No. Maybe he has a Soul King fragment? Also no. Maybe some sick evolution hax sword? Nope. He's just a dude with a sword that temporarily amplifies his strength upon release. And that's it. The guy can't even read reiatsu.
​
Then why tf is he suddenly so strong? In TYBW, it was understandable. His sword amplifies his strength to absurd amounts upon bankai, even sarificing his sanity in the process. That's why his absurd feats in TYBW. And he was still arguably on the level ot Adult Toshiro or Shunsui, below Yama.
I can also understand/accept Hikone with Soul King fragments being superior to Ichibe, with Hikone/Iko being essentially on the level of EoS Yhwach/Ichigo/Aizen (basically transcendent).
But then why tf can Zaraki just kill that Iko with one slash of shikai and call him a wimp? This just goes against all worldbuilding and logic set in the series, say what you want.
Narita legit elevated Zaraki to Ichigo/Aizen levels of power... for no reason whatsoever. "Strong because yes lol, I write what's canon and u can cry about it" vibes.

Hello. I am a 17 yr old girl who is, I'm not sure to be honest. I've been making a lot of posts recently, you can go to my profile and check out the old ones to see where I'm coming from. I haven't slept at all last night and I've been up all night, I only fell asleep for about an hour. I am trying so hard to choose christ but my double mindedness is driving me crazy. I know Jesus is the right choice but repentance is a change of mind and I can't seem to change my mind. I'm so sick of staying up all night, crying all night for God not to leave me when I haven't come to him in the first place. I literally am horrible at asking for help and I really can't do it anymore. But I can't change my mind about christ. This has happened so many times and I feel like God is giving up on me. Please pray for me. However you think I need it, but particularly to remove double mindedness and to truly, truly seek Christ and have true faith and repentance. Please intercede on my behalf. I have no good christian role models, my church is a joke, all I've got is my phone. Thank you.

I will start with some context. My girlfriend (24f) and I (24m) have been together for more than 4 years at this point. When we got together, she was still recovering from a very abusive relationship (mentally and physically) she had a year prior, and I helped her recover through that. She became extremely attached to me, and I to her, and the thought of her cheating me seemed impossible. Throughout our relationship, we have talked a bunch of times about cheating in relationships, and we both agreed that it cannot solve any problems, and communication should be the solution always. And I believed that from her, as she didn't show any interest in other boys anytime while I was with her.
In the last year she had become somewhat more distant, and started doing things that I didn't know she was into (perhaps she didn't either). Mainly she started to go to clubs with her best friend, saying that she wants to dance. I told her, and she knew, that that kind of fun just isn't my thing, and I didn't want to go there just to be her bodyguard. At first I didn't think too much of it, as I believed she or her friend would handle any situation that might appear with guys flirting with her. But after a couple of weeks, while we were looking at something on her phone, she received a message from someone named "Chris I think" (name changed for privacy reasons). The "I think" part seemed off to me, and I asked her about it. Apparently some rando guy told her she looks nice and asked for her number, and she gave it to him. Her excuse was that she was drunk. That is when I started to become suspicious regarding her. I confronted her about this, as I thought she just went there to dance with her friend (foolish, I know, but that was how much I trusted her back then). The result was a huge fight, in which she snapped that I was too jealous and controlling about this. My argument was that she has no volition when she gets drunk, and neither she or her friend would do anything if a couple of guys would get them drunk, or drug them and take them or whatever.
We somewhat recovered from that fight in the months that followed, but I still felt some resentment from her regarding that. She also started saying that I am judging her whenever she would tell me something more sensitive. Around this time I also started looking in secret at her messages. She continued talking with that guy, but it wasn't anything to worry about, mostly idle talk coming from him, every couple of weeks or so.
Fast forward to a few days ago. It was a long time since I looked through her messages. I thought the relationship was going pretty good, I was investing time and effort into it continually. She still seemed kind of distant, but in her words she was "just stressed and tired" from university classes and work. I believed that, as I am also stressed and tired from that, but I guess everyone has different thresholds. I however thought one night, while she was sleeping, to look through her messages to see what is up. One of the latest chats was with that "Chris I think" guy, from the previous night, when I thought she went to bed early. At 3 am she was sending him pictures of her in the club, saying she was drunk. I was furious, but I didn't tell her anything at that moment. I started looking for other chats. And there it was. Some random guy, again with a strange name (can't remember it). Their conversation seemed a bit on the intimate side (no sexting or anything, but not that far). So I went to the beginning of the conversation with him. 3 months ago, he got her number after meeting her on the street. A few days after, she told him out of the blue to "not tell anyone about what they are doing in the bed". Suffice to say, that was the moment I snapped. I woke her up, asked her if she would tell me if she cheated. She said "yes, of course". A few moments of silence, and she asked where her phone was. I handed it to her, and she stormed off the room on her own.
Since then she had told me what happened. She got extremely drunk that night with her friend, at her place. She was sad at that period about our relationship, that she believed she cannot talk to me, and that I don't give her enough time (although I have always given her time everytime I could. If she had told me it was this bad for her, I would have given her even more). So she went off on a walk alone that night, and texted that guy. She then went to his place, kissed him, embraced him and slept in his arms, or at least that is what she told me.
She is desperately trying now to get back with me, saying she loves me and it will never happen again. That she will try to get therapy and work on our relationship, fixing all that is broken. I am very close to believe her, but my heart is still broken. I do not know if I could continue a relationship with her, especially knowing that we were ramping up for living togheter, marriage and the stuff, while she was hiding this from me.
What should I do? Is what she did that bad that it warrants no second chances? Should I walk on my ego and accept her back?

Grey or greige yarn is a type of yarn used to produce greige fabric, an unfinished fabric that’s yet to be dyed, cleaned, and bleached. Greige is the most basic form of yarn and can be manufactured from natural and synthetic fibers. Fabric manufacturers in Delhi source greige yarn at a much lesser cost than finished ready-for-dyeing(RFD) yarns to make various consumer goods, such as uniforms, upholstery, window treatments, aprons, and accessories, and industrial applications like tentage and marine textile products. At the same time, other textile manufacturers purchase wholesale greige fabric online from India with the intention to create the end products using their own methods and techniques.

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so i(22 yo overthinker) met this guy(24) some days ago in a party and we had a good time, but couldn't go home bc we both had some guests over, so he insisted on having my contact and we were basically talking about when are we available yk. he said some cheesy things you say when you wanna.. hit, like im not just a one night stand(ok?). but its not like he meant it, so i was like yeah, right. so next day he texts me, how am i, he had a good time, i text back etc. but its like..so fcking dry. he said he's a dry texter, but its the worst. we text back in like 6 hours and although he makes some effort, its still really bad. at this point i dont even know whats the point of texting, bc he didnt ask me to go over or anything. and im so frustrated bc we had really good chemistry. i thought about texting him to netflix and chill, but the way we're chatting, i don't wanna sound desperate lmao. and he knows what i want so like i dont get it. i do give him hints, but when he texts back like five hours later..i just wanted a hookup and its getting tiring so im thinking of leaving him on read or something. is it only me overthinking that its weird? any advice is welcome on this situation hahha

I want to go to sleep early, but I HAVE to share a bunk bed with my younger sister, who moves around so much, so aggressively (but is never like this during the day), that it feels like I'm literally under an earthquake, and stays up all night (and sometimes all morning, on top of that), every night. And let's not forget about her snickering loudly all night long too, on top of all that! I want a clean room, but I HAVE to share a room (with is the same inconsiderate sister), who's a complete slob. Her bed is so junky, that things would fall from her bed, to mine, and she always leaves food and drinks around for days and even weeks, until they get all moldy.
I'm extremely sensitive to loud and sudden sounds, but I HAVE to hear my obnoxious youngest sister yelling and screaming at the family computer, in my room, most of the day (if not all day long), every day. And if it isn't her being loud and noisy, it's ALWAYS something or somebody else. I want to have some friends to talk to, but they're either too busy (more often than not), or don't even care about me and ends up ghosting me for no reason. I want to be happy and enjoy something/somethings, but the universe hates it when I'm happy and it just HAS to find a way (or some ways, if I'm really happy) to fuck up my good mood (usually mild, but bad enough to make me unhappy), every single time, every single day. That, or I somehow end up upsetting someone, or some people, or I'll end up in trouble.
I swear that either I'm cursed, or that the universe hates me. The only time anything good ever happens to me, is when I feel miserable and hopeless about my life, or when I least expect anything good to ever happen to me anymore.

My baby has been hating bath time. We are talking unhappy noises or crying whilst bading, turning in to loud, unconsolable crying when we were drying her. I tried changing to showering her, and that worked once before she started crying then too.
After browsing old post about the issue on this forum the one reason standing out was baby being cold. So I gathered all the suggestions to improve this, put them to use, and the last two bath times has been good. She was even happy when we dried her off last night!
What we did was: One parent showering prior to make the bathroom extra warm. Rising the temperature of the water from 37 °C to 38 °C. Water being deep enough to cover babys belly. Wet, warm cloth on chest. Remember to re-soak. Warming the towel before use.
I am so thankful of this forum and all it's helpful contributors! To give something back, here is my tip on cleaning between babys fingers and toes: Get a wet wipe, rip it into strips and use it to floss that grime out.