Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/ReddXReads/comments/13lfqkw/vulturebeard_the_legbeard_that_ruined_roomies_fo
Hi everyone, bunny here. I’m having Ezekial post this for me because while I lurk on reddit, I’m on too many online communities and burn out quickly on all of them. I’m just here to tell this incredibly long tale. Pull up a chair, grab a snack, get comfy. This is a long ride.
The Cast List
Bunny (author): 33, female, a year or so out of a divorce that turned toxic and abusive and ultimately helped me realize I was gay. Recovering lifelong doormat slowly building a spine. Neuro spicy gym rat with major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, and most recently diagnosed with ADHD. Unfortunately very familiar with surviving trauma.
Z (poster): My partner. 31, nonbinary (they/them), also neuro spicy with depression, anxiety, OCD, BPD, autism, and also familiar with lifelong trauma.
One Liner Beard (OLB): 33, male, neuro spicy with ADHD and depression. He also suspects autism but isn’t pursuing a diagnosis. His nickname here comes from the fact that in messenger, he usually has one-word replies like “oof” or “mmm” as an acknowledgement he had seen the message but has nothing further to contribute.
VultureBeard (Vulture): 30, female, neuro spicy and disabled with multiple conditions. She has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, POTs (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), autism, depression, anxiety, chronic migraines, but also possibly a list of things that may or may not be real – that will all be explained. The star of this unfortunate circus. Her name will be explained in this part.
Kid: 3. Female. OLB and Vulture’s child. Likely neuro spicy like we all are, but she’s also only 3 years old. Slightly speech delayed and not potty trained yet.
Minor mentions:
Shit ass ex-husband (SA): name is self-explanatory. 32, male. Divorce was amicable to keep the peace. I immediately went no contact with him after.
J2: Friend of OLBs.
You ready? Deep breath. Now let’s dive into this mess.
​
Chapter Two: VultureBeard, or the Walking Diagnosis
With the backstory of how we wound up with a neckbeard, a legbeard, and their kid out of the way, I’ll start on VultureBeard properly now.
J2 was the one who introduced her to OLB. He ran into her at a local convention, and they talked and spent the day together. He ended up sleeping over at her house, on her couch, since she lived a few minutes away from the convention center, and he introduced her to his D&D group that OLB was a DM for. He said that at first, he wanted to smash just based on looks (before she stopped caring for herself, before the pregnancy), until she opened her mouth.
Oh boy.
I met her on Halloween 2018 or 2019 (trauma made my memory absolute garbage, ain’t it fun?), when OLB wanted to run a one-shot Curse of Strahd campaign for our D&D group. J2’s group was called Party A, we were Party B. Both of our campaigns existed in the same universe that OLB created. It was a fun one shot. I liked her. We integrated her into our D&D campaign as a side character who joined our party.
With her autism, she talks a lot, and can have a conversation with anyone, but she does naturally miss a lot of social cues. She says it’s okay to be direct with her and say things like, “I can’t talk right now, I’m busy.” But in the wild, she just enjoys people. That in itself isn’t a bad thing.
When we met, she was a Mormon with long brown hair, glasses, and modest clothes with long ankle-length jean skirts. I don’t know if that was a lifelong practice or just the people she had associated with. She didn’t curse at all, and still substitutes “fudge” for my favorite and most often-used curse word. Over time, she dropped religion, but she only curses in text, and very rarely at that, like when she’s pushed to her mental limit. She still dresses in a lot of the modest clothes from before, but it’s mostly because she doesn’t go clothes shopping a lot. I have passed down some clothes I have shrunk out of to her.
Her fashion sense is a bit of Walmart-meets-Goodwill. The tired mom “this is clean, so I’ll wear it” kind of aesthetic. She’s big on thrifting, but so am I. Most of my wardrobe is thrifted or passed on from a few gym friends these days, so it’s not like I’m poking fun at secondhand clothes. It’s just that there’s a lack of style or effort on her part, like she just puts clothes on and sometimes remembers to brush her hair out. I think there’s a part of her that doesn’t recognize she’s plus sized after pregnancy because she once bought clothes that are size medium, and they didn’t fit. She fit my old 2X leggings. I traded her leggings once, my bigger size for her smaller size.
She and OLB don’t fold laundry or put it away, so she will have laundry stuffed in their hamper that they keep in our shoe closet next to the laundry room, or boxes on her desk, or on her desk chair. They kind of live out of that clothes pile. If she needs to dress in something nice, it likely is wrinkly because it was in an unfolded pile.
The first run-in with realizing that something was a little “off” with her was when she tried cooking for us. We had other friends over to play D&D and Magic with us, and she wanted to cook some kind of chicken and noodle dish. With her POTs (post orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), she’s usually sodium deficient so she adds way too much salt to whatever she’s eating. Not being used to cooking for others, she served us completely inedible chicken that was too salty.
One of my former friends was there for that debacle. What she also noticed was that Kid seemed to be behind some childhood markers. At 2, Kid was still using a bottle and didn’t seem to talk much. She was worried that Kid would keep falling behind. It was a red flag that got tucked away. At the time, I was still thinking of Vulture as a burned-out first-time neuro spicy mom. That’s a lot for a disabled woman to handle. As a disabled person myself, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I gave her too much benefit of the doubt for way too long.
Vulture as a person focuses very much on herself. Because of the body aches and pains that come with both Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and POTs, yes, I understand that her body regularly fights itself. But why is it that every time her body expressed pain, she had to do a loud, “AH, OW” or other pain noises as loud as she could? Or she will complain about whatever is giving her trouble. Some days she will be using her computer quietly, then when I come out of my bedroom, she starts to complain about her daily aches and pains. This happens pretty much every day, for different reasons. Her sneezes are likewise as loud, to where I can hear her across the house, through a closed door and over the show Z and I are watching.
Most awkward is Vulture’s bathroom habits. In Apartment #2, I guess Vulture got used to using the bathroom with the door cracked because they lived in a house without roommates, and she needed to keep an ear on Kid. Even now in a shared space, she keeps the door cracked, sometimes with the light off so I don’t think anyone is in the bathroom because it’s more migraine friendly.
Until I hear the grunting.
THE GRUNTING.
THE POOP GRUNTING.
I have heard it through my closed bedroom door, because her bathroom is right next to my bedroom. Usually, it’s when my bedroom is quieter, like when Z and I are off to sleep. But I hear her grunting as she’s using the bathroom, either because the door is open, or she is just that loud. I’m terrified to know which one it is.
Her hygiene is questionable at best. I know personally that Depression™ makes hygiene and self-care extremely difficult. I myself do the best I can, especially while being constantly sweaty at the gym and a Big Sad (depression) fighter. So, I get mental illness and hygiene. With Vulture and her long hair, she would leave it in a bun for days until it matted. She asked for my help with detangling it and it took me around two hours to safely work the mats and tangles out. When she cut it in a homemade attempt to do the popular wolf cut on Tik Tok, it was much more manageable. When it’s shorter, it has tight curls. She constantly has a natural body odor smell to her. I think with her sensitive skin, she has to wear a specific unscented deodorant, but I don’t think she applies it unless she’s leaving the house. The sink in her and OLB’s bathroom is used as mostly a storage space with things piled on top of it, so I don’t think it’s used for much. The bathtub needs a deep scrubbing, and she gives Kid a bath more than she herself showers.
Having heard the poop grunting, I’m afraid to look at their toilet.
In general, Vulture isn’t active, but to say that she’s sedentary is a vast understatement. The average sedentary person looks like an Olympic athlete next to her. She occupies two spots in the house: Her bed, or the couch in the living room. For most of the day. She will just have her laptop either on the table next to her or in her lap, and that’s where she spends most of the day, gaming.
With me being a gym rat, I am incredibly proud of how I went from a couch potato to a weightlifter. When I think about what would happen if I suddenly dropped to her levels of activity, I know my body would fall apart. I often wonder if her lying in bed or on the couch contributes to more of her body pains because her muscles are deteriorating from disuse. I mean what do I know, I’m not a doctor. That body pain cycles to her being even more inactive because she hurts. It’s a big cycle of negativity.
When the weather changes drastically, she will be hit with migraines or allergy attacks, to where she has to lay down all day as well. She takes OTC pain medicine frequently, as well as allergy meds. One of her desk cabinets is a well-stocked mini pharmacy of OTC medication and some prescription medication she has collected over time that expired over a year ago. When I’m hit with a rare migraine, I know she will have something in stock for it.
Her doctor says she needs to eat more frequently because she’s always shaky. She will hold up her hand to show me how much it’s shaking, and it always looks as though she’s making it shake from the wrist, instead of it being an actual hand movement. She always tells me, “Look at this,” and holds up her shaking hand, like she’s trying to show me how bad she’s doing, but it’s for different reasons every time. She didn’t eat, she’s too tired, she has a migraine, she has sinus pain – everything gives her shaky hands, which I joked about once.
If she has a new symptom, she goes to Doctor Google to look up what’s wrong with her, and then talk in our house chat on discord that she thinks she might have “so and so” wrong with her because the symptoms match. Or she will post screenshots of whatever her symptoms are. As far as I know in the time living with her, she’s never had close medical calls or anything that needed further treatment, except for a heart study where she wore a device to monitor her heart rate. Doctor Google gave her all sorts of things she could have, though.
Within the time I started writing this saga, I had this encounter with her in the house group chat on discord that she, OLB, and I are in, about how she thinks she’s allergic to mosquito bites because the bites swelled up and got inflamed:
Vulture: Just figured out something I’m most likely allergic to: mosquito’s saliva reaction is increased inflammation around the bite site and the condition is skeeter syndrome.
Me: You should get that confirmed by a doctor. It’s mosquito season.
(it sounds like she copy/pasted that bit about mosquito’s saliva from Google)
Mind you, my former in-laws thought I was allergic to mosquito bites because the same thing happened to me. My mosquito bites swelled up beyond what they should look like, and mosquitos have a good nose at finding me in particular compared to other people. I tried to empathize with her, even though it just seemed like she wanted to identify with a syndrome she found on the internet.
She said that she had the same symptoms her friend’s dad had for GERD because her acid reflux was acting up. The GERD saga is a fun one as well, which I’ll fully share later.
Funny enough, if I also have something similar to what her current issue is, she doesn’t play Oppression Olympics and say hers is worse. I’ve been dealing with vertigo on and off for the past month and I don’t have the ability to see a doctor for it at the moment. So, when she says that she’s dizzy or the room is spinning, I express empathy or at least a little “oh, same here,” because I have to carefully move my body in ways that don’t make the room spin. It might be her autism, it might be because she doesn’t care, but she never expresses empathy my way. She just moves on.
I’ve told her multiple times she needs to see a doctor to check for each new symptom she has, but somehow there’s an excuse. The latest I’ve heard is, “I will once my phone is turned back on. It hasn’t been paid in a while.” Valid yes, but then please get off Google. Because she’s on government assistance and doesn’t have a car and doesn’t know how to drive, she’s ferried to her appointments by a medical bus that stops at the house. They do need to be able to call her. Just please get off Google in the meantime! I’ve even told her that Doctor Google and WebMD will say everything is cancer or fatal and it’s not good for you, and she just kind of brushed it off.
One of my friends calls her the Professional Victim. Z is convinced she has Factitious Disorder (formerly called Munchausen’s). She loves to hide behind her illnesses as to why she can’t get out of bed or can’t do chores. If you were to listen to her every day, you’d think she was falling apart at the seams because it was always something. Migraine, body pain, allergies, sinus problems or sinus infections, stomach problems, dizziness, shakiness. Repeat. Forever.
She will ask me if her forehead feels hot, and when I can’t tell, she checks with a thermometer. She says, “My natural body temperature is low so 99 degrees is a fever to me.”
This is also where I gave her a lot of benefit of the doubt at the beginning, because EDS and POTs will affect the entire body in different ways. One of my friends, in her casual dark humor, will have conversations with me about how she’s just not going to be able to walk properly that day, because her ankle joint slid out of place, but she still finished her work shift. I talk to my friend regularly about her struggles with her body, but somehow it doesn’t have the same self-pity that Vulture’s does. Every disability presents differently between people. As rare as EDS and POTs is, it’s pretty common in online communities because it’s where people tend to flock to. In my time in varying disabled online communities, I’ve never seen someone who complains or fishes for attention as much as Vulture does.
If she’s having a relatively good day, she will either be gaming, or maybe she will get to one of the chores that OLB tries to get her to do during the day, like doing the dishes or cleaning Kid’s room. When OLB had prescription Adderall (before the shortage made him switch to a different ADHD med), she took one of his pills and was zooming around actually being productive. She has symptoms of ADHD but doesn’t have a formal diagnosis, so OLB thought it might help her. It seemed to.
If she has a bad day, which is most of her days, she stays rooted on the couch or moves between her couch and her bed, moving her laptop with her. She spends all day building in Minecraft, completing her Pokedex, or playing other games.
Sometimes when I come out of my room to cook, she says something along the lines of, “I planned on cleaning today,” followed by vague hand gestures of how she’s feeling. I never asked her about her daily plans, but she needed to tell me. Is it self-awareness or guilt?
If she’s doing a load of dishes, she will loudly proclaim that she’s dizzy and shaky and in pain and have to go sit down after 10 minutes of that. I don’t know if she actually has the body strength to stay upright for longer than ten minutes at a time, and I don’t know if that’s her actual chronic illnesses, or the fact that she doesn’t do anything at all.
I’ve given her the same advice I use myself for low spoon (low energy) days when I need to get things done. I’ve told her it’s okay to take ten-minute breaks and then get started again. Or an hour break, if her body is giving her trouble. I’ve told her it’s okay to clean the house while sitting on the ground or in a chair, if that’s easier on her body. In managing my broken mental health, I’ve taught myself all sorts of life hacks, or as I call them, “brain hacks,” to work around how gross depression makes me feel. And I’ve told her that if it’s a really bad day, the dishes aren’t going anywhere and can wait until tomorrow.
That’s meant to be compassionate, not taken in the “if you give an inch, they’ll take a mile” sort of way, but it must be interpreted as permission to not do The Thing. It just won’t get done if she feels she has permission to skip over it.
If she does anything, she will want metaphorical ass pats for her good work. OLB jokes that it’s a praise kink, but some days it really seems that way without anyone consenting to participate in her kink. She asks if I noticed she cleaned the kitchen or did some kind of cleaning and if I’m proud of her. I used to play along with the praise because I wanted to give her positive reinforcement, like maybe if I emphasized that it was a good thing, she’d be more encouraged to do it more. I’ve got jokes, apparently. Optimism was so strong early in the friendship.
If she cooks, usually it’s something frozen that she can heat up like pizza. Most of the time, she exists on boxed macaroni and cheese or sandwiches. Or what fast food OLB brings home. Most of her diet is processed, instant, or frozen. Or she eats odds and ends like what cereal and junk food is brought home from the food bank or when OLB goes shopping.
Since SA left the house, I took up cooking for myself and exploring what I like to cook, as SA was the main cook for the house. My gym regimen helped me meal prep and confront a lot of my bad eating habits, so I started prepping healthier foods. I am the stereotypical lifter that eats a lot of chicken, rice, and vegetables. Z also likes to cook, and it became a way for us to bond by cooking together or one of us watching the other cook and just vibe in each other’s company.
VultureBeard gets her name because, one, she is a legbeard. But two, every time I made something early on with her living with us, she always said something along the lines of, “Ooh, that smells so good! It’s making me hungry!”
Me, in my doormat stage, took the cue that she dangled and offered her some of my food. Back then, I always tried to cook enough for the whole house. It became a pattern. If I cooked something, she always popped up, hungry and unable to make actual food for herself or somehow her illnesses were acting up and preventing her from cooking for herself. If I said I was popping over to the store, sometimes she would ask if I could pick up a soda for her and occasionally, she would be able to pay me, always in loose change because her disability payments went right to the bills that she and OLB had. I always took the bait because yeah, doormats will doormat and vultures will vulture.
She does reciprocate in small ways, sharing some occasional treats with me or saying I can have some of her mac n cheese or Oreo cookies or French fries or whatever food she has some days. But for the most point, a lot of her behavior feels like fishing – fishing for attention, for food, for confirmations of her medical issues.
Her general attitude towards housework also contributes to her main other issue that makes me want to scream. She hoards. Empty salsa jars, Nesquik containers, pizza boxes, mac n cheese boxes. She holds onto things that Z and I see as garbage, because she has dozens of DIY projects in mind. She would be the person that followed 5 Minute Crafts for useful projects. To her credit, she did make a nifty sock organizer out of spare cardboard. But she has dozens of empty frozen pizza boxes and macaroni boxes piled up on her desk and ideas in her head, but no actual execution of them. I have pictures on my phone of her desk hoard, and while the desk itself is tall, the pile on the topmost part of the desk reaches the ceiling. That’s at least two feet of buildup.
It drives Z batty. With their OCD, Z can’t stand seeing the general mess in the house, but her desk makes them want to throw things. There was an empty Pizza Hut box that spent a week on the floor under the table in the living room before she finally picked it up and moved it to her desk. She scolded my cat for jumping on it.
Vulture: I want to save it for a project, I just don’t know what I want to use it for yet.
Me: Why not just throw it away? Isn’t it garbage?
She only gave a vague shrug, and the pizza box stayed on her desk for another few days until while cleaning the kitchen, Z got tired of looking at it and finally took it out to the outside garbage bin.
This is a constant pattern for her. She hoards things that she sees as something that could be useful in the future, but in the meantime it all stacks up and takes up space. She and OLB both are pack rats, which I think enables it further. OLB said that she also hoards food when she thinks there’s a food shortage in the house, but that also includes things that shouldn’t be eaten or are close to being spoiled. She freezes produce and even bread dough she made because she would start projects and then not have the energy to finish them or deal with them properly. I think if Z and I weren’t in the house, it would just be a rat’s nest of garbage.
That was why Z and I took on the majority of housework. We have a current setup to deep clean the common areas of the house monthly, and anything she doesn’t pick up that we read as trash will get thrown out. It’s barely making a change in the house, but it’s better for our mental health. It’s unfortunate that the house barely stays clean for two days after we clean it.
OLB usually has an excuse for not contributing towards the housework. His ADHD makes him forgetful, plus he hates dishes and purposefully avoids them until he knows he has to deal with it. He’s mostly just exhausted from work. With Vulture? Ten thousand excuses.
With OLB working an exhausting but consistent tech repair job, that leaves Vulture in charge of Kid during the day. If she exists entirely in her bed and the couch, how is she able to keep up with a toddler?
Oh, that’s going to be a huge tale on its own. Fuckle the buck up. We’ve got a long way to go. And yes, it will make you angry.

i work in target cafe / pizza hut and yesterdays closing shift for me was the worst shift ive ever had. i walk in and prep isnt done, (usually is supposed to be done at around 12-1) the prep table is a mess, the popcorn machine smells HORRIBLY burnt, and the slushie machine was so incredibly low on slushie mix that it started icing over. i walk in and it turns out our team lead quit on the spot, and that the starbucks portion behind the cafe was trying to keep it running because my opener called off. i appreciate the efforts they did, but the fact that the lead was pushing to keep both departments open was ridiculous. nobody there had enough training to help out correctly, it just made more work for me than if nobody did anything at all.
turns out our lead quit because our store director is just the most incompetent boss ever. and i truly dont blame her for leaving, im considering putting in my two weeks too or just leaving on the spot.

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Apple	60%4	NA
Amazon.ca	50%	50%
Amazon.co.uk	50%	50%
Amazon.com	70%	55%
Amazon.de	50%	50%
Amazon.es	50%	50%
Amazon.fr	50%	50%
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JCPenney	25%	25%
Jersey Mike Subs4	60%	NA
KFC4	60%	NA
Khols	30%	30%
Macys	35%	35%
Magazines.com	40%	40%
McDonald's 4	60%	NA
Microsoft6	60%	NA
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Nordstrom	50%	50%
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PSN6	60	NA
PSN Plus 12 month4	NA	NA
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Target	50%	50%
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Want ↓	Cash or a Gift Card ↓	BTC ↓
Apple	60%4	NA
Amazon.ca	50%	50%
Amazon.co.uk	50%	50%
Amazon.com	70%	55%
Amazon.de	50%	50%
Amazon.es	50%	50%
Amazon.fr	50%	50%
Amazon.it	50%	50%
Amazon.jp	30%	30%
Arrow Films	65%	60%
Barnes & Noble	50%	50%
Baskin Robbins	60%	60%
Best Buy	60%	60%
BJ's (not BJ's restaurant)4	60%	NA
Bloomingdales	50%	50%
Burger King4	60%	NA
Clothing Shops (Small Boutique)	contact me	contact me
Dell4	60%	NA
Delta gift cards4	65%	NA
Delta Sky Miles4	PM me	NA
Delta Vouchers4	65%	NA
Dicks Sporting Goods 4	PM me	NA
Disney Plus	PM me	PM me
DoorDash	70%6	NA
Dunkin Donuts4	60%	NA
eBay	70%	70%
Fandango4	10%	NA
Five Guys4	60%	NA
Gamestop	60%	60%
Gas Station Cards4	PM me	NA
Grub Hub	70%6	NA
Gyft	70%	70%
Half Price Books	50%	50%
HBO4	70%	NA
iTunes4	60%	NA
J crew	40%	40%
JCPenney	25%	25%
Jersey Mike Subs4	60%	NA
KFC4	60%	NA
Khols	30%	30%
Macys	35%	35%
Magazines.com	40%	40%
McDonald's 4	60%	NA
Microsoft6	60%	NA
Moe’s Southwestern Grill4	60%	NA
Nintendo Eshop6	70%	NA
Nordstrom	50%	50%
Panera bread4	60%	NA
PSN6	60	NA
PSN Plus 12 month4	NA	NA
Saks Fifth Avenue	50%	50%
Sears	50%	50%
Sephora	50%	50%
Speedway4	80%	NA
Starbucks	55%	55%
Steam6	60%	NA
Subway 4	PM me	NA
Taco Bell	60%	NA
Target	50%	50%
Uber6	70%	NA
Urban Outfitters	50%	50%
Vudu4	50%	NA
Walmart	60%	60%
Wendys4	60%	NA
Xbox (gift cards)6	60%	NA
Xbox Game Pass Ultimate (12 month/6 month/3 month/1 month)6	PM me	NA
Other Clothing Stores, Gas Stations, Grocery Stores, Restaurant, & Fast Food gift cards	PM me

¹ When paying via PayPal, I can only send payments via Goods and Services, thus you will be charged a fee. If you'd rather not face this fee there are plenty of alternatives. ² Larger denominated gift cards preferred. ³ PayPal is the only payment option. ⁴ I can't send less than $10 in crypto per Coinbase's rules.

What I don’t buy:

• Amazon.au
• Bass Pro Shop
• buffalo wild wing
• Canadian tire
• Cold Stone
• Dairy Queen
• Fanatics
• Google Play
• Hilton Honors
• Hot Topic
• iTunes from anywhere but the US
• Krispy Kreme
• old navy/gap/banana republic
• Patxi's pizza
• PSN Canada or UK
• publix
• Raceway
• Scheels
• Shell Gas Stations
• Spotify
• Tractor supply
• Xbox Canada or UK
• Xbox live gold

Any fees are built into the price.
Important: before you send your codes please make sure your account is secure (if your password is twelve characters or less it's best to assume your account has already been compromised; your password should be eight randomly selected words, see 1 and 2). Scams where compromised accounts are used to leverage reputation to scam an unsuspecting user, used to steal codes during the middle of the trade, and steal unused gift cards the victim was saving for later are increasingly commonplace. If you have any concerns as to your account's security, please reset your password now and force logout of all sessions. Thanks

Halaal Spots Durban
Please can everyone comment with the halaal or halaal friendly restaurants and coffee shops they know in Durban. Please also include places that are vegetarian friendy. I'll start
Dough girls Sofra Istanbul Kauai Kasbah Strangers coffee The barn owl - Mitchell's park Gloria Jean's Florida road Jack's grill Roti & Chai Rocomamas Florida road and Oceans mall Pizza Hut Florida road Pizza boys Florida road Empire Steak Starbucks Vida Musgrave centre Most places on cowey road
Thanks!

~ 1. Introduction ~
Here is a detailed description of my wishlist for a Mario Kart 9 or 10/X (if Tour is considered the 9th installment) I don't expect everyone to like all my ideas. This is just a wishlist. I obviously would be happy with any Mario Kart Nintendo decides to put out but in a perfect world, this is what I would want for it to be the best Mario Kart imo. I hope you enjoy.
*= Thoughts, Personal opinions, New ideas for modes, mechanics, driver outfits, vehicles, items, options, etc

• with numbered annotation⁰= Explanations on certain features

🔒= Locked. Must be unlocked by in game requirements or DLC
~ 2. Mechanics ~
~ Single Player / Multiplayer 》1P》2P》3P》4P》
Grand Prix》Class Optimization》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Circuits》Cup Select》 Class Optimization options: Engine: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》All¹》All Mirror¹》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》² Drift: Automatic》Manual》³ Items: Normal》No Items》 Camera: Normal》First Person》⁴
*¹ - All and All Mirror options are only available in Grand Prix. After a Circuit has been selected, It'll play each Cup in order of that specific Circuit.
*² - All race and battle modes will feature either a Solo Dash or the new Double Dash option similar to Mario Kart Double Dash for extra replayability and character combinations.
*³ - Even if not many people liked Automatic drifting, it was there for a reason for you to choose. Some liked it. Some didn't. It should be the player's choice.
*⁴ - Camera can also be changed freely during the race from the pause menu.
Time Trials》Driver(s) Select》Circuits》Cup Select》Course Select》 Race Solo》Race Against Ghost》View Ghost》Online Ghost》Upload Ghost Data》
• VS Race》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Customized Race》Circuits》Cup Select》Course Select》 Customized Race options: Engine Class: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》Frantic》No Items》No Items and Coins》Custom》 COM: Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro¹》 COM Vehicles (Solo)²: All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 COM Vehicles (Doubles)²: All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Courses: Choose》In Order》Random》 Race Count: 4》5³》8》12》16》32》64》All》 Laps: 1》2》3》4》5》⁴
*¹ - Added a Pro difficulty to make the CPU feel more of a challenge.
*² - Wanted to split the vehicle selections between Solo Dash and Double Dash drivers. Solo Dash drivers will now only select between Karts and Bikes and Double Dash drivers will only select between ATVs and new Buggy vehicles. *Buggys are essential similar to the designs of the Karts used in Mario Kart Double Dash. ATVs are now bigger in size to help fit the idea of 2 drivers on one vehicle.
*³ - The original Super Mario Kart had 5 courses per Cup so I brought that option back for custom races.
*⁴ - Wanted to make the option available for players. These courses will be excluded from Laps option and be set to default when selected: ⁿ⁶⁴ Wario Stadium, ⁿ⁶⁴ Rainbow Road, ᵍᶜⁿ Baby Park, ᵍᶜⁿ Wario Colosseum, ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Loop, ³ᵈˢ Maka Wuhu, ³ᵈˢ Rainbow Road, ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mount Wario, and ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Big Blue.
Battle》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Customized Battle》Course Select》 Customized Battle options: Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》Frantic》Skilled》Custom》 Round Time: 1 Minute》2 Minutes》3 Minutes》4 Minutes》5 Minutes》 COM: Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro》 COM Vehicles (Solo Dash): All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 COM Vehicles (Double Dash): All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Courses: Choose》In Order》Random》 Round Count: 3 Rounds》5 Rounds》7 Rounds》¹
*¹ - I shortened the rounds. Anything past 7 rounds is too much imo but that's just me. Also being a little bias cuz I'm not a fan of battle mode.
~ Online Play 》1P》2P》
Worldwide: Grand Prix*》VS Race》Battle》
Regional: Grand Prix*》VS Race》Battle》
Friends》Create Room
Tournaments》Menu. Menu options: Create a Tournament: Icon》Name》Rules》Time Settings》Other》 *Rules options: Mode: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》Balloon》Classic Balloon¹》 Renegade Roundup》Bob-omb Blast》Shine Runners¹》Coin Runners》 Shine Thief》Thunder Cloud Tag¹》Random Battle》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》No Items》No Items or Coins》Frantic》Skilled*²》Custom》 Round Time (Battle only): 1 Minute》2 Minutes》3 Minutes》4 Minutes》5 Minutes》 COM: No COM》Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro》 Vehicles (Solo Dash): All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 Vehicles (Double Dash): All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Camera: Normal》First Person》 Smart Steering: Smart Steering OK》No Smart Steering》 *Time Settings options: Frequency: Weekly》Daily》Fixed Period》 Start Day: Sunday》Monday》Tuesday》Wednesday》Thursday》Friday》Saturday》 Start Date: Dependent》 Start Time: Dependent》 End Day: Sunday》Monday》Tuesday》Wednesday》Thursday》Friday》Saturday》 End Date: Dependent》 End Time: Dependent》 Round Count: 4 Rounds》8 Rounds》16 Rounds》 Group Shuffling: Don't Shuffle》Every 4th Match》 *Other options: Player Rating: Any Rating》0-2999》3000-9999》10000-99999》 Public/Private: Open to Everyone》Code Required》
*¹ - Scroll down to Battle section for more info.
*² - Skilled Items for Battle mode only.
Search by Code Search by Type Active Tournaments

• • A Report button will finally be added to report cheaters/hackers/etc.
• • I'm thinking Solo Dash races will feature the usual 12 players (1st - 12th place) while Double Dash races features upto 16 players but 8 groups total (1st - 8th place).
• • Worldwide and Regional Grand Prix will be 2-12 racers (or 4-16 in doubles mode) in a 4-race Cup from any randomly displayed Cups. Cups are then selected based on player voting.
• • Create Room will now feature customized options such as Mode, Teams, Items, CPUs, and Vehicles similar to the Create a Tournament option.
• • For online, I'd also like for a better ranking system to prevent casual players from racing against competitive players and vice versa.

~ MKTV
My Replays. View saved replays from previous races or battles on and offline. * You can now save more than just 6 replays.
Online Replays*¹ View shared replays from others online
Spectate*²
*¹ - Should've already been added in the first place.
²* - View recent online races or battles replays. Earn coins by voting who'll be 1st. * Literally stole this idea from Smash.
~ Other Details

• • The race start intro and race finishes to retro courses will have a remake version of their original transitions along with a rearranged verison of their original theme from that respective retro course. Example for better understanding. * Mario Kart GP courses will have the current game's race start and finish transitions.
• • I somehow also want to incorporate a way that once the Retro Grand Prix is unlocked, the title screen will have remake versions of the original title screens from previous Mario Kart games similar to Mario Party Superstars. Example
• It would show different title screens at each start up similarly to how Mario Kart 8/Deluxe's title screens Example
  
• • Sometimes the CPU seems to make decisions that only seem to target the player regardless of placement. I want a smarter CPU for harder difficulties that won't just use an item just to use. If a CPU is holding a shell, they should use it logically or defend themselves with it logically.
• • I personally am fine with every other mechanic used in Mario Kart 8/Deluxe such as driving techniques used, amiibo settings, Stats, etc. Keep the same driving techniques even during Double Dash mode. I personally was not a fan of Mario Kart Double Dash's drift mechanic and would not want that function brought back.

~ 3. Characters and Vehicles ~
~ Characters
68 Total Drivers (including DLC) 32 Total Alternate Drivers. 100 Total Individual Characters.

• • Driver select screen, press R button to rotate between alternate drivers. Some drivers will have upto 9 different outfits to choose from.
• • I wanted the original 8 to be the starting roster.

~ Drivers
Mario》Metal Mario 🔒》Tanooki Mario 🔒》Fire Mario 🔒》Ice Mario 🔒》Dr. Mario 🔒》 - Mario (Classic) 🔒 - Mario (Builder) 🔒 - Mario (SNES) 🔒 - Mario (Sunshine) 🔒 - Mario (Tuxedo) 🔒 - Mario (N64)*🔒 - Metal Mario (Gold) 🔒
Luigi》Penguin Luigi 🔒》Fire Luigi 🔒》Gooigi*🔒》 - Luigi (Classic) 🔒 - Luigi (Golf) 🔒 - Luigi (Builder) 🔒
Peach》Pink Gold Peach 🔒》Cat Peach 🔒》Fire Peach*🔒》 - Peach (Wedding) 🔒
Yoshi - Light-blue Yoshi - Black Yoshi - Red Yoshi - Yellow Yoshi - White Yoshi - Purple Yoshi - Pink Yoshi - Orange Yoshi
Bowser》Dry Bowser 🔒》Meowser 🔒》 - Dry Bowser (Gold) 🔒
Donkey Kong Jr. - Donkey Kong Jr. (SNES) 🔒
Koopa Troopa》Koopa (Freerunning) 🔒》 - Red Koopa (Freerunning) - Blue Koopa (Freerunning) - Purple Koopa (Freerunning) - Gold Koopa (Freerunning) 🔒
Toad》Cat Toad 🔒》Captain Toad 🔒》 - Toad (Pit Crew) 🔒 - Toad (Builder) 🔒 - Toad (Astronaut) 🔒 - Toad (Blue)* - Toad (Yellow)* - Toad (Green)*
Donkey Kong 🔒
Wario 🔒 - Wario (Biker)*
Daisy 🔒
Birdo 🔒 - Birdo (Light Blue) - Birdo (Black) - Birdo (Red) - Birdo (Yellow) - Birdo (White) - Birdo (Purple) - Birdo (Green) - Birdo (Orange)
Baby Mario 🔒
Baby Luigi 🔒
Toadette 🔒》Peachette 🔒》 - Toadette (Explorer) 🔒 - Toadette (Builder) 🔒 - Toadette (Astronaut) 🔒
Paratroopa 🔒 - Green Paratroopa*
Diddy Kong 🔒
Bowser Jr. 🔒
Waluigi 🔒
Petey Piranha 🔒
King Boo 🔒 - King Boo (Luigi's Mansion)
Pac-Man 🔒
Ms. Pac-Man 🔒
Blinky 🔒》Pinky》Inky》Clyde*》
Dry Bones 🔒 - Dry Bones (Gold) 🔒
R.O.B. 🔒 - R.O.B. (Famicom)*
Shy Guy 🔒 - Light-blue Shy Guy - Black Shy Guy - Green Shy Guy - Yellow Shy Guy - White Shy Guy - Blue Shy Guy - Pink Shy Guy - Orange Shy Guy
Mametchi 🔒
Baby Peach 🔒
Baby Daisy 🔒
Rosalina 🔒
Funky Kong 🔒
Mii 🔒
Honey Queen 🔒
Wiggler 🔒
Lakitu 🔒
Don-chan 🔒
Baby Rosalina 🔒
Iggy 🔒》Roy》Lemmy》Larry》Wendy》Ludwig》Morton》
Link 🔒 - Link (Champion's Tunic)
Villager 🔒 - Villager (Female)
Isabelle 🔒 - Isabelle (Winter)*
Inkling Girl 🔒 - Inkling Girl (lime green) - Inkling Girl (magenta)
Inkling Boy 🔒 - Inkling Boy (purple) - Inkling Boy (teal)
Pauline 🔒
Hammer Bro 🔒》Boomerang Bro 🔒》Ice Bro 🔒》Fire Bro 🔒》
Monty Mole 🔒
Dixie Kong 🔒
Nabbit 🔒
King Bob-omb 🔒
Kamek 🔒
Chargin' Chuck 🔒
Poochy 🔒
~ Newcomers
Noki ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Noki (Green) - Noki (Pink) - Noki (Yellow)
Pianta ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Pianta (Pink) - Pianta (Yellow) - Pianta (Purple)
Professor E. Gadd ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Toadsworth ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Luma ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Luma (Blue) - Luma (Pink) - Luma (Green) - Luma (Cyan) - Luma (Red) - Luma (Purple) - Luma (Black) - Luma (Orange)
~ DLC
Sonic the Hedgehog ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Miles "Tails" Prower ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
King K. Rool ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Kaptain K. Rool*》
Krunch ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 * Would be an excellent choice for a surprise DLC character to those familiar w/Diddy Kong Racing
Zelda ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Sheik*》
Kirby ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
King Dedede ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Captain Falcon ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Samus ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Zero Suit*》
Geno ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒

• - there's plenty of room for more characters but I figured 100 was the perfect amount of characters, especially with the double dash feature with everyone potentially having a partner with no odd person out.

~ Vehicles
Available parts. The parts available are listed here in the order shown in the vehicle customization screen, with the following notation: ¹ = Changes color, depending on the character. ² = Changes color for the Koopalings. ³ = Changes color for Daisy, Baby Daisy, Rosalina, and Baby Rosalina. (DLC) = Part is only available as downloadable content.

• Personally, I would want a system that prevents everyone from choosing the best racer with the best vehicle parts. For example If Luigi is the best racer and his best vehicle is the standard kart with mushroom tires, and gold glider, obviously everyone will choose Toad and those exact parts to win races. I want everyone to choose their favorite racer and parts that make them comfortable to race in, and not just look at a list of the best racers and parts and just copy and paste that. I don't know how to fix this honestly but I'm sure someone could help with ideas to this to make everyone equal in a way on the track with their own individuality similar to what Mario Kart 7 did with their characters.

~ Karts (Solo Dash)
Standard Kart¹ 4-Wheel Cradle 8-Bit Pipe Frame¹ Apple Kart B Dasher Badwagon Barrel Train Biddybuggy (Buggybud)¹ Birthday Girl (Royal Ribbon)²/³ Blue Falcon Blue Seven Booster Seat (Baby Booster) Bruiser (Growlster) Brute Bull's-Eye Banzai Bulldog-W ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ Bumble V Cact-R Cact-X Cat Cruiser Cheep Charger Cheep Snorkel Circuit Special¹ Clanky Kart Classic Dragster (Nostalgia 1) Cloud 9 Crawly Kart Cucumber Dasher II Daytripper (Royal Racer) Dozer Dasher Dragonfly Dry Bomber Egg 1 Flame Flyer Gold Mantis Gold Pipe Frame Gold Standard (Gold Kart) Green Apple Kart Honeycoupe (Dragonetti) Hurricane Jet Cruiser Jetsetter (Aero Glider) Jumbo Jetter Kiddie Kart¹ Koopa Clown² Landship ² Light Dancer Light Tripper Mach 8 Mini Beast (Concerto) Mushmellow Offroader P-Wing Paintster Parade Kart Penguin Slider Pink Mushmellow Pipe Frame¹ Piranha Prowler Poltergust 4000 Power Flower Prancer Prop Kart Quickshaw ROB-BLS Rambi Rider Royale Shooting Star Sky Pop ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ Sneeker (Bounder)¹ Snow Skimmer Soda Jet Sports Coupe (Sports Coupé) Sprinter (B Dasher Mk. 2) Star Broom Steel Driver Streamliner Streetle Super 1 Super Blooper (Turbo Blooper) Surf Sailer Swift Talon Tanooki Kart Tea Coupe Tiny Titan (Rally Romper) Tiny Tug Tri-Speeder Wario Car Warship Wild Wing Wildlife Yellow Taxi Zucchini (Gherkin) Speed Star ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Whirlwind Sport ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Egg Mobile ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * Was inspired by this image I found. Source Reminds me of the Egg Mobile with Monster tires White Cat ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Dark Schnieder ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Car¹ ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * Source * the number in the center will be replaced by driver's logo Dragoon Kart ⁽ᵈˡᶜ * Source
~ Bikes (Solo Dash)
Standard Bike¹ Bit Bike (Nanobike) City Tripper¹ Flame Rider Hurricane Jet Bubble (Bubble Bike) Master Cycle Zero Mr. Scooty (Mr Scooty) Phantom Quacker ROB-LGS Shooting Star (Twinkle Star) Sugarscoot (Bon Bon)¹ The Duke Varmint Wario Bike Zip Zip (Rapide) Zipper Wheelie Bike ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
Bullet Bike¹ Comet Dolphin Dasher Flame Runner (Bowser Bike)¹ Jet Bike Mach Bike¹ Magikruiser¹ Master Cycle Sneakster (Nitrocycle) Sport Bike¹ Yoshi Bike¹ Zinger Sting ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * just an idea I had for a new bike based off of a beta imagine for Donkey Kong racing. Source * the number in the center will be replaced by driver's logo. Bike version of the Prop Kart
~ ATVs (Double Dash)
Standard ATV (Standard Quad)¹ Bone Rattler Inkstriker Spear (Torpedo)¹ Splat Buggy Teddy Buggy Tyrant Wild Wiggler Hovercraft¹ ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
~ Buggys (Double Dash)
Standard Buggy ¹ Banisher Bolt Buggy Bullet Blaster Coach³ * Heart Coach/Bloom Coach from Mario Kart Double Dash DK Jumbo Fire Buggy¹ * Red Fire from Mario Kart Double Dash Goo-Goo Buggy¹ Koopa Dasher Koopa King Para-Wing Pipe Buggy¹ Piranha Pipes Turbo Birdo Turbo Yoshi Waluigi Racer
~ Tires
Standard (Normal) 8-Bit Standard Ancient Tires (Ancient Tyres) Azure Roller Bicycle Tires Blue Monster Blue Standard (Normal Blue) Button Capsule Crimson Slim Cushion Cyber Slick Drum Gold 8-Bit Standard Gold Tires (Gold Wheels) Heart Rings Hot Monster (Funky Monster) Iron Leaf Tires (Leaf Tyres) Metal Monster Mushroom Mushroom Off-Road Red Monster Retro Off-Road Roller Slick Slim Snorkel Tires Sponge Triforce Tires (Triforce Tyres) Wood (Wooden) Yoshi Tires
~ Gliders
Super Glider¹ 8-Bit Jumping Mario Beast Glider (Ghastly Glider) Bowser Kite Butterfly Sunset Cloud Glider Crimson Crane Droplet Glider Eggshell Glider Eggshell Glider Fare Flier Flower Glider Gold Glider Great Sail Hylian Kite MKTV Parafoil Oilpaper Umbrella Paper Glider Parachute Paraglider (Breath of the Wild) Paraglider (Parafoil) Peach Parasol³ Plane Glider Ribbon Swooper (Swoop) Waddle Wing Waluigi Wing Wario Wing Magic Carpet ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Wizpig Glider ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Example at 00:31 Tails Flier ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Knuckles Glider ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Gunship ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
~ 4. Items ~
× – Does not appear in Battle Mode.
~ Items found on the track
Item Box - Gives the player a random item. Items given are based on the player's distance from first place. * I would like for them to look either similar to how they looked in Mario Kart 64 or Mario Kart DS' design.
Coin - Gives the player a small boost and increase top speed when more are collected, up to a maximum of ten.
Rupee - The equivalent of a coin, used for Hyrule Circuit and Zelda related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Bell - The equivalent of a coin, used for Animal Crossing. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Cash - The equivalent of a coin, used for Splatoon related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Balloon ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Diddy Kong Racing related course. Source
Item Box (Capsule) ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Sonic related course. Source
Star Block ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Kirby related course. Source
Banana ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Donkey Kong Country / Diddy Kong Racing related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
Ring ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Sonic related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
Food ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Kirby related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
~ New Items
Coin Block ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * floats above player for a short time (10 seconds). Hop to collect upto 10 coins. Can only be obtained if player has 0 coins. Replacing the Coin Box item from Mario Kart Tour. Example
~ Returning Items
Banana Peel - When a kart hits a Banana Peel, it spins out. You can carry one behind your kart to protect yourself from a single attack. Can be thrown backward and forward.
Green Shell - Travels in a straight line and knocks over a kart it hits.
Red Shell - Red Shell Homes in on the closest kart in front of the player and knocks it over.
Feather - Causes the player to spin and leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing, akin to a regular trick (characters will also perform a trick animation during the jump).
Mushroom - Provides the player's kart with a small speed boost.
Super Star - Provides the player invincibility from all terrain and items, and also giving a speed boost.
Boo - Unleashes Boo, who turns the player invisible for a brief time, making them impervious to enemy attacks, and steals an opponent's item. Cannot steal Special Items.
Coinˣ - Grants the player two extra coins and a micro boost.
Lightningˣ - Causes all opponents to drop their items, shrink, and drive slowly for a short time.
Fake Item - Looks just like an item box, but when you run into it, it knocks you over.
Bob-omb - Explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking over any kart in its blast radius.
Blooper - Sprays ink on all racers ahead and reduces their visibility. The racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed.
Bullet Billˣ - Transforms the player into a Bullet Bill, rocketing through the track with auto-pilot, and providing invincibility from all terrain and items.
Spiny Shellˣ - Targets the racer in first place, knocking over all other karts in its path.
Super Horn - Emits a radial shockwave hitting racers, as well as destroying all obstacles, including the Spiny Shell.
~ Special Items
Fireball (Red) - Three fireballs will revolve around your kart. They split up after they're thrown and go sliding ahead. These powerful pyrotechnics can take out multiple opponents at once. Drivers: Mario, Fire Mario
Fireball (Green) - Three fireballs will revolve around your kart. They split up after they're thrown and go sliding ahead. These powerful pyrotechnics can take out multiple opponents at once. Drivers: Luigi, Fire Luigi
Fire Flower - Allows the player to throw fireballs for a short time that cause other karts to spin out on impact. Drivers: Metal Mario, Fire Peach, Fire Bro
Ice Flower - Three balls of ice will revolve around your kart. Throw them all at once and they'll freeze any kart they hit, causing them to slide. Drivers: Ice Bro, Ice Mario, Penguin Luigi
Heart - This protective Heart revolves around your kart for a set amount of time, shielding you from attacks. Any item that hits the player becomes theirs to use. A cute and handy item. Drivers: Peach, Daisy, Villager, Wendy, Mametchi
Yoshi's Egg - This egg rolls down the road and home in on opponents. When they hit and break, they'll drop three more items. Drivers: Yoshi
Birdo's Egg - Homes in on the kart in front of you and crashes once it hits. Three more items will fly out when it breaks. Drivers: Birdo
Chain Chomp - This fearsome beast chases karts with reckless abandon, pulling the player behind it at breakneck speeds. Drivers: Baby Mario, Baby Luigi
Triple Mushrooms - Orbits the player's kart, providing them with three separate speed boosts. Drivers: Toad, Toadette
Golden Mushroom - Provides the player's kart with continuous speed boosts for a short time. Drivers: Captain Toad
Mega Mushroom - The driver grows bigger, which allows them to squash other racers by running over them, making them lose their items and slow down for a moment. Drivers: Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Wiggler
Poison Mushroom - A stationary item. Looks like a regular mushroom but If one is run into, the victim shrinks, as if hit by a Lightning. Shrunken racers who run into it revert to normal size. Drivers: Kamek * ngl, i didn't really know who to give this item to
Mushroom Cannon - A cannon designed to resemble a Mushroom. Continually shoots out Mushrooms in front of your kart for a set time. Drivers: Monty Mole, Peachette, Toadsworth
Triple Green Shells - Three green shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Koopa Troopa, Dry Bones, Lakitu, Koopa (Freerunning)
Triple Red Shells - Three red shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Paratroopa, Dry Bones, Lakitu, Koopa (Freerunning)
Bowser's Shell - An awe-inspiring giant shell! As it careens down the road, slamming and ramming into karts, it's the very image of Bowser himself. Drivers: Bowser, Bowser Jr., Dry Bowser
Triple Bananas - Three bananas that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Donkey Kong Jr., Dixie Kong
Giant Banana - Not only does this big banana spin out karts that hit it, but after being struck it breaks into three regular-sized Bananas. Drivers: Donkey Kong
Banana Barrels - Arm your kart with two fully-loaded barrels of Bananas! Continually shoots out Bananas in front of or behind your kart for a set time. Drivers: Diddy Kong, Funky Kong
Thunder Cloud - A thundercloud hovers over the recipient and strikes it with lightning after 10 seconds. The user shrinks to a very small size for 10 seconds, driving more slowly. Before this happens, the user has higher speed and acceleration while not losing speed when driving off-road, and may pass the cloud to an opponent by bumping into them. Drivers: Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Clyde * If there was absolutely no choice but to have the next Meta character, it'd be the Ghosts. Having one of the worst possible specials in the game should balance them out.
POW Block - The POW Block appears above the karts as a 2D image, warning players of its arrival, and causes any racer on the ground ahead of the user to spin out and drop their items. * Since wheelies are no longer a thing, it always spins out other racers unless they're in anti-gravity mode or during an in air trick Drivers: Mii, Don-chan
Super Leaf- Gives the player's kart a tail that can be used to deflect items, knock over opponents and collect coins. The tail will disappear after a moment or if the player is hurt. Drivers: Tanooki Mario
Lucky Seven - Surrounds the player with seven items that rotates around its kart. The player receives a Mushroom, Banana, Green Shell, Red Shell, Blooper, Bob-omb, and a Star. Drivers: King Boo, Pauline, Poochy, Nabbit, Chargin' Chuck, Pianta, Noki
Boomerang Flower - Can be thrown up to three times, hitting racers forward/backward and when it returns to its user after the first and second use. Driver: Boomerang Bro, Larry
Piranha Plant - Automatically chomps on obstacles and other racers, giving a short speed boost for each bite. Drivers: Petey Piranha
Double Bob-ombs - Two Bob-ombs will revolve around your kart. Throw them both at once. Drivers: Wario, Waluigi, Roy
Bob-omb Cannon - Continually shoots out Bob-ombs in front of your kart for a set time. Drivers: Shy Guy
Giga Bob-omb - After being thrown, it will explode after hitting a kart or bouncing 3 times. It has a larger blast radius than a standard Bob-omb. Drivers: King Bob-omb
Bubble - Briefly envelops your kart and protects you from damage for a set time. While in the bubble, you will get a speed boost and float in the air. Drivers: Baby Peach, Baby Daisy, Baby Rosalina, Lemmy
Dash Ring - Tosses out three rings in front of you along the track. Pass through them for a speed boost! Drivers: Rosalina, Luma, Ludwig, Honey Queen
Hammer - Throws multiple Hammers in an arc aimed at karts in front of yours. Drivers: Hammer Bro
Super Bell - A bell rings above the driver, knocking away nearby karts and items. The bell rings three consecutive times. Drivers: Cat Peach, Cat Toad
Capsule - Three colorful capsules surround your kart. They'll bounce at opponents when thrown. Drivers: Dr. Mario
Splat Bomb ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * Explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking and spraying ink on any kart in its blast radius and reduces their visibility. The racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed. Drivers: Inkling Girl, Inkling Boy
Magical Boomerang ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * Works like a Boomerang Flower that tracks closes kart infront of player like a Red Shell Drivers: Link
Magnet ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * a powerful magnet that pulls opponents towards the player Source Drivers: Krunch
Nayru's Love ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * will surround the racer's kart with a protective shield. Any items that hit this shield will be reflected back at the racer who used them. If a driver using Nayru's Love is attacked with an item such as a Lightning, the racer who used the Lightning item will take damage. Drivers: Zelda
Copy Ability ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * steals Special item from any racer. If no racer has a special item on them, it'll randomly generate a random racer's Special Item. Drivers: Kirby
Dedede's Hammer ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * driver using Dedede's Hammer, will swing it around for about 5 seconds. Any karts hit will be squashed, causing them to lose their item and speed momentarily. Drivers: King Dedede
Invincibility Shield ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * become invulnerable to all damage for a short time. Drivers: Sonic, Tails
Bombs ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * Think Double Bob-ombs, the original Triple Bananas and the Feather item. If used as a protective item, upon the explosion, the player will leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing. Drivers: Samus
Geno Flash ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * works like a Lightning but doesn't strink opponents. Drivers: Geno

• - R.O.B. and Professor E. Gadd have the ability to obtain any special item, excluding Fireball (Green), Birdo's Egg, Lucky Seven, Nayru's Love ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾, Copy Ability ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾, and Geno Flash ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾

~ 5. Courses ~
~ Cups
161 Total Courses
Nitro Grand Prix Mushroom Cup》 Flower Cup》 Star Cup》 Special Cup 🔒
Retro Grand Prix 🔒 Mushroom 🍄 Courses : Shell Cup》Golden Dash Cup》Red Coin Cup》Blue Coin Cup》Banana Cup》Lucky Cat Cup》1-Up Cup》Gold Cup》
Flower 🌷 Courses: Leaf Cup》Turnip Cup》Freezie Cup》Metal Cup》 Lightning Cup》Rock Cup》POW Cup》Heart Cup》
Star ⭐️ Courses: Sun Cup》Moon Cup》Red Shell Cup》Thunder Cloud Cup》Wing Cup》Boomerang Cup》Coin Block Cup》Warp Cup》
Special 👑 Courses: Vanish Cup》Cherry Cup》Mega Cup》Tanooki Cup》? Block Cup》Spiny Cup》Shine Cup》Grand Cup》
World Grand Prix🔒 Lightning⚡️Courses: Egg Cup》Triforce Cup》Crossing Cup》Bell Cup》Propeller Cup》Fruit Cup》Feather Cup》Acorn Cup》Super Cup》World Cup》
Extra Grand Prix 🔒* Excellent idea to introduce courses from the Mario Kart GP series as well as new courses for DLC content
~ New Courses
Nitro Grand Prix: Mushroom Cup 🍄 1. New Mario Circuit 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Flower Cup 🌷 1. beach- or water-themed course 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Star Cup ⭐️ 1. ice- or snow-themed course 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Special Cup 👑 1. TBD 2. TBD 3. New Bowser's Castle 4. New Rainbow Road
~ Retro Courses
Mushroom 🍄 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Shell Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mario Kart Stadium 2. ᵈˢ Yoshi Falls 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Baby Park 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 1
Retro Grand Prix: Golden Dash Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Luigi Circuit 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Shy Guy Beach 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Sweet Sweet Canyon 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Dry Dry Desert
Retro Grand Prix: Red Coin Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Toad Circuit 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Moo Moo Farm 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Riverside Park 4. ʷⁱⁱ Toad's Factory
Retro Grand Prix: Blue Coin Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Luigi Raceway 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 1 3. ᵈˢ Cheep Cheep Beach 4. ³ᵈˢ Shy Guy Bazaar
Retro Grand Prix: Banana Cup 1. ᵈˢ Figure-8 Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ Moo Moo Meadows 3. ³ᵈˢ Cheep Cheep Lagoon 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Kalimari Desert
Retro Grand Prix: Lucky Cat Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 1 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Peach Beach 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Koopa Troopa Beach 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Thwomp Ruins
Retro Grand Prix: 1-Up Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Luigi Circuit 2. ³ᵈˢ Daisy Hills 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 1 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 1
Retro Grand Prix: Gold Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Peach Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Water Park 3. ʷⁱⁱ Mushroom Gorge 4. ᵈˢ Luigi's Mansion
Flower 🌷 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Leaf Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Mushroom Bridge 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Boo Lake 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Twisted Mansion 4. ³ᵈˢ Rock Rock Mountain
Retro Grand Prix: Turnip Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Mario Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Toad Harbor 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Choco Mountain 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 2
Retro Grand Prix: Freezie Cup 1. ᵈˢ Desert Hills 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Mario Circuit 3. ʷⁱⁱ DK Summit 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 2
Retro Grand Prix: Metal Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Mario Circuit 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Frappe Snowland 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Daisy Cruiser 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Shy Guy Falls
Retro Grand Prix: Lightning Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mario Circuit 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 2 3. ᵈˢ Waluigi Pinball 4. ʷⁱⁱ Wario's Gold Mine
Retro Grand Prix: Rock Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Choco Island 1 2. ᵈˢ Delfino Square 3. ³ᵈˢ Music Park 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Mario Raceway
Retro Grand Prix: POW Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Loop 2. ʷⁱⁱ Coconut Mall 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Cheese Land 4. ᵈˢ Shroom Ridge
Retro Grand Prix: Heart Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Toad's Turnpike 2. ³ᵈˢ Mario Circuit 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 2 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Waluigi Stadium
Star ⭐️ Courses Retro Grand Prix: Sun Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Snow Land 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Choco Island 2 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Yoshi Circuit 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Bowser's Castle
Retro Grand Prix: Moon Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Wario Stadium 2. ʷⁱⁱ Koopa Cape 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Yoshi Desert 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mount Wario
Retro Grand Prix: Red Shell Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Daisy Circuit 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Ribbon Road 3. ᵈˢ Mario Circuit 4. ᵍᶜⁿ DK Mountain
Retro Grand Prix: Thunder Cloud Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Sunshine Airport 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Sherbet Land 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Vanilla Lake 1 4. ³ᵈˢ Maka Wuhu
Retro Grand Prix: Wing Cup 1. ᵈˢ DK Pass 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Dolphin Shoals 3. ³ᵈˢ Neo Bowser City 4. ʷⁱⁱ Grumble Volcano
Retro Grand Prix: Boomerang Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Sherbet Land 2. ³ᵈˢ Wario Shipyard 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Royal Raceway 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 3
Retro Grand Prix: Coin Block Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Koopa Beach 1 2. ᵈˢ Tick-Tock Clock 3. ʷⁱⁱ Maple Treeway 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 3
Retro Grand Prix: Warp Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Piranha Plant Slide 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Mushroom City 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Electrodrome 4. ᵈˢ Airship Fortress
Special 👑 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Vanish Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 3 2. ʷⁱⁱ Moonview Highway 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 4 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Cherry Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ DK Jungle 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Broken Pier 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 3 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Mega Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Dry Dry Ruins 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Bone-Dry Dunes 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Banshee Boardwalk 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Vanilla Lake 2
Retro Grand Prix: Tanooki Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Wario Colosseum 2. ³ᵈˢ Rosalina's Ice World 3. ʷⁱⁱ Bowser's Castle 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: ? Block Cup 1. ᵈˢ Wario Stadium 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Koopa Beach 2 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Bowser's Castle 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Spiny Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Lakeside Park 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Dino Dino Jungle 3. ᵈˢ Bowser Castle 4. ʷⁱⁱ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Shine Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Cloudtop Cruise 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Yoshi Valley 3. ³ᵈˢ Bowser's Castle 4. ᵈˢ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Grand Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ D.K.'s Jungle Parkway 2. ᵈˢ Peach Gardens 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Bowser's Castle 4. ³ᵈˢ Rainbow Road
Lightning⚡️Courses 🔒 World Grand Prix: Egg Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Rainbow Road 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Berlin Byways 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Wild Woods 4. ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Yoshi's Island
World Grand Prix: Triforce Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 4 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Los Angeles Laps 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Piranha Plant Cove 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Hyrule Circuit
World Grand Prix: Crossing Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Luigi Circuit 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Sydney Sprint 3. TBA 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Animal Crossing
World Grand Prix: Bell Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Sky Garden 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Singapore Speedway 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Super Bell Subway 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Propeller Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 3 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Vancouver Velocity 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Ice Ice Outpost 4. ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Sky-High Sundae
World Grand Prix: Fruit Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Sunset Wilds 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ New York Minute 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Bangkok Rush 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Feather Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 2 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ London Loop 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Ninja Hideaway 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mute City
World Grand Prix: Acorn Cup 1. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Paris Promenade 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Merry Mountain 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Dragon Driftway 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Super Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Cheep-Cheep Island 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Amsterdam Drift 3. TBA 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Big Blue
World Grand Prix: World Cup 1. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Tokyo Blur 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Excitebike Arena 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Athens Dash 4. TBA
~ Extra/DLC Courses
Extra Grand Prix: Mario Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Mario Highway 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Mario Beach
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Mario Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Splash Circuit 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Tropical Coast
Extra Grand Prix: DK Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ DK Jungle 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Bananan Ruins
Extra Grand Prix: Extra DK Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bananan Labyrinth 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ DK Jungle
Extra Grand Prix: Wario Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Diamond City 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Snow Panic
Extra Grand Prix: Waluigi Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ² Stadium Arena 2. ᵃᵍᵖ² Waluigi Stadium
Extra Grand Prix: Pac-Man Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Pac Mountain 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Pac Labyrinth
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Pac-Man Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ PAC-MAN Stadium 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ NAMCO Circuit
Extra Grand Prix: Bowser Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Bowser's Castle 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Castle Wall
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Bowser Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bowser's Factory 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bowser's Castle
Extra Grand Prix: Rainbow Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Rainbow Coaster 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Rainbow Downhill
Extra Grand Prix: Yoshi Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ² Yoshi Park 1 2. ᵃᵍᵖ² Yoshi Park 2
Extra Grand Prix: Toad Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Peach Castle 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Kingdom Way
Extra Grand Prix: Don-chan Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bon Dance Street 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Omatsuri Circuit
Extra Grand Prix: Bowser Jr. Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Aerial Road 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Sky Arena
Extra Grand Prix: Inklings Cup 1. Splatoon themed course * Splat Circuit 2. Splatoon themed course
Extra Grand Prix: Sonic ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Sonic themed course * Twinkle Circuit Source at 1:00 2. Sonic themed course * Green Hill Zone related course
Extra Grand Prix: King K. Rool ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. King K. Rool/Donkey Kong Country related themed course 2. Diddy Kong Racing related themed course * Jungle Falls or Darkmoon Caverns Source 1 Source 2
Extra Grand Prix: Zelda ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Zelda themed course * Lost Woods 2. Zelda themed course
Extra Grand Prix: Kirby ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Kirby themed course * Fantasy Meadows (from Kirby Air Ride) Source 2. Kirby themed course * Meta Knight's Halberd or The Great Cave Offensive
Extra Grand Prix: Samus ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Metroid themed course 2. Metroid themed course
~ 6. Battle ~
In all games, the engine class of Battle Mode is fixed to 50cc. An exception is the Renegade Roundup mode where it is increased to 100cc.
~ Battle Modes
Balloon Battle》Team Balloon Battle》 Classic Balloon Battle》Team Classic Balloon Battle - Mini Bomb Karts return. Shine Thief》Team Shine Thief》 Bob-omb Blast》Team Bob-omb Blast Shine Runners Coin Runners (Coin Battle)》Team Coin Runners》 Renegade Roundup
Thunder Cloud Tag ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾* - Similar to Shine Thief but reverse. Think of it as Tag. A random player has a Thunder Cloud and must tag others to lose it from above their head. If the player holds the Thunder Cloud when the timer reaches zero, this process repeats until one player remains.
~ Courses
ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 1 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 2 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 3 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 4 ⁿ⁶⁴ Big Donut ⁿ⁶⁴ Block Fort ⁿ⁶⁴ Double Deck ⁿ⁶⁴ Skyscraper ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 1 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 2 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 3 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 4 ᵍᶜⁿ Cookie Land ᵍᶜⁿ Block City ᵍᶜⁿ Luigi's Mansion ᵍᶜⁿ Nintendo GameCube ᵍᶜⁿ Pipe Plaza ᵍᶜⁿ Tilt-a-Kart ᵈˢ Nintendo DS ᵈˢ Twilight House ᵈˢ Palm Shore ᵈˢ Tart Top ᵈˢ Block Fort ᵈˢ Pipe Plaza ʷⁱⁱ Block Plaza ʷⁱⁱ Delfino Pier ʷⁱⁱ Funky Stadium ʷⁱⁱ Chain Chomp Wheel ʷⁱⁱ Thwomp Desert ³ᵈˢ Honeybee Hive (Honeybee House) ³ᵈˢ Sherbet Rink ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Town ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Battle Stadium ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Sweet Sweet Kingdom ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Dragon Palace ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Lunar Colony ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Urchin Underpass ᵗᵒᵘʳ New York Minute B ᵗᵒᵘʳ Paris Promenade B Icicle Pyramid or Smokey Castle ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source 1 Source 2

YO ONE OF MY FRIEND PRANKED CALLED PIZZA HUT AND DOMINOS AND THEY HUNG UP BUT CEREAL SAID THEREE A TORNADAAAA AAAAAAAAAAH TO THEM YESTERDAYAND YES IM MONKEY THE YOUTUBE GUY

Just moved to KC after living in the Town Center area for several years. I'm absolutely loving the walking trails, but miss being able to walk to the mall/lake/Merriweather district.
What would you add and subtract from the Kings Contrivance village center? I'm trying to think of a good mix of practical and novel, with things that make sense for the available spaces.
Keep: Harris Teeter, liquor store, Rita's, pizza place, UPS store, sushi place, barber shop, CVS (too late, I know)
Add: A coffee/bakery/sandwich shop - somewhere nice to meet a friend and sit
A different table service restaurant (not too picky but I found Corner Stable to be eh the one time we went a few years ago)
A gym or fitness studio
A nice thrift shop or second-hand store
A gazebo or bandstand for community events/concerts
The biggest dream - Howard County Library System South Columbia branch

New unused student account, UNIDАУS Verified US/VN/JP
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You will be able to change your password
This is a new unused item that will be created and never used before
Enjoy tons of discounts and save money
Some discounts you get including but not limited to:
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*Discounts can be changed by the service provider. Actual discounts information available via discounts provider website. All the discounts available ONLY during online shopping or receiving of a service.
SHIPPING
1-24 business hours delivery.

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⭐️ Featured image on this post is from: The Arctic Monkeys (Coventry Building Society Arena)
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🎨 Art & Exhibitions

Event	Date	Venue
Environments In Arcadia: Student Exhibition	Until 10th Jun	City Arcade
The Reason For Painting	Until 25th Jun	Warwick Arts Centre
Divided Selves: Legacies, Memories, Belonging	Until 24th Sep	Herbert Art Gallery & Museum
Warwickshire's Jurassic Sea	Until Feb 2024	Herbert Art Gallery & Museum
Dippy In Coventry: The Nation's Favourite Dinosaur	Until Feb 2026	Herbert Art Gallery & Museum

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🎤 Comedy

Event	Date	Venue
The Comedy Network: Huge Davies, Tessa Coates & Burt Williamson	Wed 31st May 7:30pm	Warwick Arts Centre
Live At The Belgrade: Esther Manito, Lee Ridley - Lost Voice Guy, Jeff Innocent, Freddy Quinne & Farhan Solo	Sat 3rd Jun 7:30pm	Belgrade Theatre

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👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 Family

Event	Date	Venue
Mini Museum Engineers Play	Wed 31st May	Coventry Transport Museum
Sing-a-long-a: Encanto	Wed 31st May 1pm	Belgrade Theatre
Art Masterclass: Acrylic and Oil Paint-Making	Thu 1st Jun 10:30am & 2pm	Herbert Art Gallery & Museum
CycleFest @ MotoFest	Sat 3rd Jun	Coventry City Centre
Goldilocks and the Three Bears	Sun 4th Jun 1pm & 4:30pm	Albany Theatre
My Fairy Troublemaker	Until 1st June	Warwick Arts Centre
Spectacular Swords	Until 1st June	Lunt Roman Fort
May Half-Term Crafts: Scenic Seascapes	Until 3rd June	Herbert Art Gallery & Museum
Tinker-Make-Play: Playing with Gravity	Until 3rd June	Coventry Transport Museum
Around The World in 80 Days	Until 3rd Jun	Albany Theatre
Junk Modelling Maker Challenge	Until 4th June	Coventry Transport Museum
The Smeds and the Smoos	Until 4th June	Warwick Arts Centre
Mog: The Forgetful Cat	Until 4th June	Belgrade Theatre
It's Reigning Royals	Until 4th June	St Mary's Guildhall

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🎥 Film

Event	Date	Venue
NT Live: Good	Tue 30th May 7:30pm	Warwick Arts Centre
Action Rayz: Dawson City Frozen Time	Wed 31st May 7pm	Coventry Cathedral
Met Opera: Die Zauberflote	Sun 4th Jun 12:30pm	Warwick Arts Centre
Top Hat	Until 1st June	Warwick Arts Centre
Full Time	Until 1st June	Warwick Arts Centre
The Big Lebowski	Until 1st June	Warwick Arts Centre
Nam June Paik: Moon Is The Oldest TV	Until 1st June	Warwick Arts Centre

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🍔 Food, Markets & Socials

Event	Date	Venue
Coventry Dining Club	Fri 2nd & Sat 3rd Jun	Fargo Village
Vintage Vera Kilo Sale	Sat 3rd & Sun 4th Jun	Fargo Village
Coventry MotoFest	Sat 3rd & Sun 4th Jun	Coventry City Centre

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🎵 Music

Event	Date	Venue
The Arctic Monkeys	Wed 31st May 5pm	Coventry Building Society Arena
Whitney: Queen of the Night	Thu 1st Jun 7:30pm	Belgrade Theatre
Sessions: Tattoo Molly	Fri 2nd Jun 7pm	HMV Empire
Fargo Live Latin	Fri 2nd Jun 7pm	Fargo Village
Lost In Music	Fri 2nd Jun 7:30pm	Belgrade Theatre
Deliaphonic presents: Fenella	Fri 2nd Jun 7:30pm	The Tin
Meet The Beatles	Fri 2nd Jun 8pm	Rialto Plaza
Concretism - JILK - Sulk Rooms	Sat 3rd Jun 6:45pm	Just Dropped In Records, Fargo Village
A Night At The Opera	Sat 3rd Jun 7:30pm	Coventry Cathedral
Rum & Reggae	Sat 3rd Jun 8pm	Rialto Plaza
Patchwerk presents: Midnight Garden	Sat 3rd Jun 9pm	Ivy House
Houssentials	Sat 3rd Jun 10pm	HMV Empire

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🗣 Poetry, Writing & Talks

Event	Date	Venue

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⚽️ Sport

🙁
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🎭 Theatre & Performance

Event	Date	Venue
Old Time Sailors	Thu 1st Jun 6pm	Twisted Barrel Brewery

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🛠 Workshops & Classes

Event	Date	Venue
Songwriting	Thu 1st Jun	Warwick Arts Centre
Abstract painting to de-stress and unlock your creativity	Sat 3rd Jun 1pm	The Tin

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Any events that we've missed? Drop them in the comments below!

The black domes, they were pocket dimensions, which were completely detached from the material world. Bound to the stream of souls, flowing inside the ephemeral branches of the world tree, they presented a personal hell for each person cast into them. They are a limbo of regrets, the hell of one’s own making, places where the living meets the dead.
There’s only so many ways to elope them. One must either reconcile with the restless souls, or join them, succumbing to their rage and regret that they carried into their afterlife. After all, to even get there, one must possess unparalleled strength and resilience; and only those who had caused deaths and destruction on their path to greatness can even hope to get to this trial.
Freia, Flare, the First princess of Jioral. For some – a good friend, lover, and companion. For others – a nightmare embodied, a vessel of divine powers, a force to be reckoned with. She had many enemies: princes and princesses felled by her authority, treacherous servants and greedy nobles, the knights, who opposed her corruption, slavers and bandits, destroyed on her quest for redemption and restoration of herself… But there were more. Children she had burned, serving her kingdom, women who perished by the tides she conjured, men that had been torn apart by raging tornados of her making, elderly that were buried under the rubble she created…
And how did she oppose them?
“Flagella terram et vescere inimicis meis, o magnum tempestas ignis!” The sorceress chanted, spinning her staff above her head. Then, right before the raging mob reached her, she hid from them behind a vortex of fire. One move and this wave of heat would incinerate everything and everyone in this accursed realm. But…
“TRAITOR!”
“DON’T HIDE FROM US, FLA-A-A-ARE!”
“COME TO US, SISTER!”
“YOU WERE NEVER ONE OF US!”
“USURPER!”
“GIVE ME BACK MY MOM!””
“THE FALSE PRINCESS!”
“SUNNARI (die)!”
“THE DAUGHER OF A WHORE!”
“YOU SHOULD’VE ROT IN THE SLUMS!”
Curses and jealousy, bitterness and hatred. The chorus of tortured souls surrounding the fiery boundary couldn’t be silenced even by the roaring flame. There couldn’t be any redemption.
“I’m sorry for all of you, who unjustly died by my hand!..” And even though there were people deserving their apologies, those who had to perish in favor of Flare’s political ambitions, those she sacrificed to appease her tyrannical father…
“THEN JOIN US, FLARE!”
“PAPA! WHERE ARE YOU?! GIVE HIM BACK!”
“REPENT, BITCH! DISPELL YOUR WITCHCRAFT!!!”
“But I won’t give in to you!” The pink-haired woman exclaimed, absorbing mana into her staff. “Furthermore, there’re those of you I will never regret killing! And there are those, for whom I must live! I MUST GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!” Then, she slammed the lower tip of her weapon into the floor made of the absolute darkness. Instead of wailing, being consumed by fear, guilt, self-loathing, and, ultimately, perishing, Freia sundered this entire “world”. One magical strike from her, and cracks of white and gold covered the entire dome. The wall of fire faded, but when the vengeful spirits rushed forward to maul their prey, they crumbled into piles of black salt. “I’m so… so sorry!” The girl lamented, kneeling near the remains of children, whose future she stole. “But I… I must move forward. I must save…”
…
Sparks and crackling, whistle and dazzling – time and time again the surge of lightning breached through the veil of darkness.
“UO-O-O-O-O-O!!!” A guttural scream filled the oppressive silence under the dome. Eve Reese, so childish and bashful, so eager to prove herself, now wore a stone mask of indifference. “Nira-a-a (no-o-o)!!! Yuarmta (I won’t forgive you)!!!” Cornar yelled, held still by at least seven shadows, he had been tortured, killed, bruised, smitten by the raging element of lightning. No longer did the girl see him as a threat; no longer did she cower at the feet of her former husband. Maybe, Eve was condemned to getting back her memories as a means of punishment, something that would make her sympathize with this petty little tyrant…
“Yuarm yau (I don’t need your forgiveness).” The Me-ua kahul spoke, looking at her crackling right arm, trembling with power and guilt combined. Not for forsaking her would-be-spouse, not for becoming Panakea’s pawn…
These souls, these loyal shadows – turned out, she never called upon them… until the very end. Her subjects, her brethren… Eve feared that if she let them out, they would tear her tyrannical husband into little pieces.
“Haa… Haa…” And now, she had to choose. To turn around and let someone else fix her problem, or… “Haa… HAA!!! HAA!!! HAA!!! SUNI (I’ll kill you)!!!”
A Punch to the maw, to the chest, through the ribs, to the heart! He didn’t die! He couldn’t die here! This scumbag of a man, this monster just wouldn’t go away! No matter how much pain she caused him, no matter how many times she slit his throat, broke through his torso, shocked him with spells, cut him with magical light…
And what of Cornar?
“A-A-A-A-A!!! A-A-AGH!!! HA-HA-HA-A!!! NA SHENBATA, SETOAN (you can’t get rid of me, woman)!!!” The son of Hakuo never relented. He relished in his immortality, laughed through the hellish torments Eve inflicted upon him. The skinned lion spotted a weakness in Eve’s heart, and he pressed at it, as if breaking the girl would get him back to the world of the living…
No, he wanted to take Eve to the world of dead.
“Gha-a-a-a… Agh-h-h…” The queen-to-be grabbed her forehead, her rugged breath not only siphoned all the focus out of her, threatening to cast the girl into a pit of despair, it also deteriorated her control over the mana she wielded. Unlike the city of salt, there was enough ambient magic to harvest here, but doing so would require skills, precision, and, most importantly, personal discipline and control over one’s own mind.
“Praibi, orna Iblis (Drain yourself, my Iblis)!” The prince of Batnara shashu tribe provoked, feeling the grip of the shadows losing its strength. A little more, and he’d be free… A little more…
“Hm…” But Eve wouldn’t relent. She once again covered her arm in a coat of magical lightning. She would never surrender; the queen would never let anyone treat her like a slave ever again. Not after Keyaruga’s perseverance taught her a lesson of resilience. Not after his gentleness, however tainted by his wounds, showed her what true love should look like.
She took a swing, prepared to strike…
“…” But then, two winged shadows stopped her hand. Amda and Sana, they were barely recognizable in their spiritual forms… but Eve would never mistake her parents for anyone else. They couldn’t speak, yet they still communicated with their daughter through other means. Emotions, wishes, urges – they never wished such evil to befall their daughter, but what they hated even more – was to see their child descend into the same pit.
“I… I don’t… have to?..” They asked her to stop, to let them relieve her of that burden. “B-but!.. No! You will die!” The girl snarled, grabbing her parents in a hug. She knew what was to come – her mother, father – they wished to sacrifice themselves to drag Cornar back to the afterlife. But that… wouldn’t that mean she’d lose them all over again? Wouldn’t…
“…”
“Yes! You’re dead! So what?! What do I?..” The feeling of pain and powerlessness engulfed the verdant woman. Barely had she found the strength to stand before her fallen tribe, before those who she desired to see the most now left her.
“YOTJAR (finally)!!!” With Eve’s will getting weaker, so did the shadows of her ethereal court. Her tyrannical husband finally broke free, slamming and stomping her shadows, as they fruitlessly tried stopping him. Amda and Sana Reese hugged their child for the last time… and now they stood up to defend their precious daughter. That is… the least they could do.
…
Freia broke inside another dome. From the outside, they looked like bright constellations of stars, formed on the points of a massive, galactic-scaled pentagram. The personal chamber for each of the contenders. One was broken from the inside, collapsing inwards, into a black hole with an orange halo – this was Freia’s dome. There were four more. Two were dimmed, two still shone brightly. The Hero of Magic travelled through this empty space, lit by numerous distant stars. In her current form, things like speed, form, and time – none of them mattered, aside from her destination. And now, she had to choose one of the two luminous chambers.
…
What is true power? Does one determine this abstract concept by the weight one can lift with their muscles? Maybe it was the charisma necessary to lead the masses? Enough money to influence others? Authority earned or inherited?
“Well-well-well…” Whatever the answer truly was, Ellen had none of it right now. No strength to fight, no troops to hide behind, and certainly – those who opposed her now had little if any need of whatever amount of gold she now carried.
“WENCH!”
“TANOUTUR (murderer)!”
“NEZAH (why)?!”
“MERA RIVARO (my life)!..”
“YAU MA (how dare you)!”
“YOU’LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE, BITCH!!!”
Oh, they came for Norn. There were hundreds, if not thousands of them, some she could recall from her Murian and Teuteccain campaigns – the series of expansions past the great wall; others were the court warlords she and John unseated in her ascension; rebellious villagers too came to exact their revenge on the younger princess, after her demons decimated them; and there were the victims of Buranikka’s carnage. This was the mountain of corpses Norn Clatalissa Jioral used to climb onto the very peak of political power…
“Now then, what do you want from me? An apology? Maybe my penance?” Even now, surrounded by countless dead souls, whose entire being now revolved around their grudge, the girl wouldn’t let herself be crushed by their rage. Not mentally, at least.
“DIE!”
“MAN WOR YAKSI (give me your eyes)!”
“SUFFER, YOU MONSTER!”
“I JUST WANTED TO LIVE!!!”
And so, hundreds of voices began howling in unison. So passionate, so eager to share their hardships and aspirations, that Ellen actually started pitying them a little. So many words, so much pain in them.
“Haa… I guess, that something like this was bound to happen someday. Well…” Instead of listening to the rest of the traumatizing nonsense and wailing, the crimson-headed cutie just began… to simply undress. “I don’t have the power to struggle, I can’t break out of here, and all of you came here for me. So go on. Rape me, maul me, kill me, do whatever you want. I’ve already done everything I wanted.” Ellen, now naked and completely defenseless, stretched out on the ethereal black floor, looking into the endless black void above her. The raging souls now came closer and closer, dozens of faces now loomed above her, as their hands reached out to grab the fallen warlady and tear her apart. This… was the end.
Keyaruga, Setsuna, sister… I hope you won’t miss me too much.
And so, she closed her eyes. Time to finally die.
…
…
…
There was no pain, nobody dragged the girl around, not even a single blow fell upon her. Ellen was… safe?
“A-A-A-A!!!”
“UGH-H-H!!!”
“YOLA-A-A-A-A (it hu-u-u-urts)!!!”
Slice and dicing, the ripping of flesh and clattered bones, “death” of a sort, dealt to the undying, torment for the tormented who themselves wished to inflict suffering upon her – someone kept the restless souls away from the princess. Someone precise, fast, and masterful with his tools of mayhem.
“Haa, is that you, Organ?” Ellen asked sullenly. Denied her excruciating retribution once more, she could only cover her tightly shut eyes with her palms.
“How did you know, Your Highness?” Indeed, it was him. As brutal as he was gallant, the deceased demigod was the only one out of these dead souls, who spoke to her, and not wailed at her like some sort of a beast.
“I know only two men, who’d come for me here, and the other isn’t so discreet, you moron.” The young general replied, opening her eyelids. The first thing she saw was the Champion of Jioral, covered in black blood. His prized amber eyes were no more, only black gaping holes were there instead. “Why’re you here? Do you want a piece of me for yourself?” The girl asked, still unwilling to stand up. Honestly, she felt robbed at this moment. This would be such a fitting end for her, but no! “Don’t tell me you’ve just barged in here to… Pff! PROTECT… me.” The second princess spat these words through her painfully clenched teeth.
“First things first, Lady Norn, I suggest you cover your shame and cease this indecency.” The warrior spoke, piercing and slashing the mob with his sword, impaling them with his hidden blade, tossing them back with his kicks. He was far from his prime form, and so, wounds and sores, cuts and lesions were left on him, as he, alone, overpowered dozens of raging men and women, keeping them away from the girl he swore to protect. Indeed… “Forgive me, princess, but I made a vow to your mother, and death is hardly a valid reason to…”
“YAKS… (giv…) A-A-A-A!!!”
“…to renounce my…”
“DOKI-I-I (step away)!!!”
“…loyalty to her!”
Despite everything, no matter the odds, Hawkeye continued to push back the angry spirits. He couldn’t dodge, as every missed blow could land on the lady, he couldn’t step back, as she needed protection more than any time in her life, and, certainly, sustained by this oppressive dimension, he couldn’t die. He couldn’t kill anyone, as they just rose anew from their own black blood, but the man couldn’t retreat.
“He-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…” The princess chuckled, curling her torso in order to sit up. It hurt her stomach, but the girl persevered nonetheless. “Why am I always surrounded by stupid stubborn men, who just can’t help but dingle their balls before me? Seriously, a dead man, upholding a promise to a dead woman, how much more ridiculous can this get?” The girl scoffed, pulling back her panties, bra, and whatever she left lying around, back on. After all, why even bother now? “Be honest, idiot! What do you want from me?”
“I came here…”
Slash, backflip, tackle, toss – Organ Trist twirled around his commander, pushing back everyone, who came too close to his prized princess.
“…to ask you, Lady Norn!..”
Shoulder slam, side-kick, a flurry of bloodshed embodied in the son of Artemis!
“…to save my…”
Stabbing enemies with that hidden blade, crushing their skulls with the handle of his blade, ripping their eyes out and tossing them away – however useless this double-sided brutality may seem, Hawkeye had purpose, skill, and, most of all, conviction, that allowed him to push the mob away.
“…daughter! Save Marianna!”
After all, what can be stronger, than a father, eager to protect his dear child?
“And you think keeping me alive will help you with that? You, moron, this bloated pigeon trapped me here! I have only one way out – fucking death!” The second princess, now properly clothed again, yelled however loud she could. Unable to comprehend the reasoning behind this idiocy, the girl just stood there, pulling her crimson hair. “Also, you’re severely mistaken! I’m not Norn! Norn’s dead! My name is…”
“…Elly! Elly-y-y!!!” Barely had the princess opened her mouth; before the dome had been breached from the outside. The Hero of Magic emerged above the ground. She levitated, using magical blue flames; she secured her sister by forming a wall around her, a barricade made from powerful ice spears. The sorceress even went so far as to send one into the undead Champion, it was one he easily avoided, though. “Step away from my sister, Organ!!!” The raging magician demanded, pulling her sibling towards her with a gust of mystical wind.
“Ghh! Oh, hey there, Friea!” The fallen warlady spoke, bracing herself against the dizziness her brief flight had caused. Still, this didn’t look good. The last time those two met, Hawkeye severely injured the pink-haired girl, and she just wouldn’t live through it again, unless two gods appeared to help her. This time, though, it was her turn to be a deity-savior.
“Get away! You’ve bested me once, but this time, I can crash this entire realm down onto your head!” The Hero of Magic promised, putting her staff between her sister and her enemy.
“Aw shit, this just gets better and better…” The little genius lamented, nervously shaking her head. Not only was her glorified suicide rudely interrupted, but now this situation threatened to kill her sister as well. Still…
“Elly, Elly… Ellen? Ellen the Adopted?” Despite Freia’s expectations, Organ Trist was more interested in the new name she called Norn, rather than anything else, really. He already had his fair share of battles, after all. “Ho-ho-o! I guess, in the end, you really did become the better version of yourself! And the ‘brother’ in question – is that sir Keyaru?” The blinded man asked with the same smugness he once boasted with in his grandiose life.
“What’s the point of answering you now? Aren’t we just traitors to you?” The heroine replied with every bit of animosity she had in her. “Hold on, Elly, I’ll get you out of here.” Freia stated, charging her staff with the magic that shaped this entire “world”.
“Heh, aren’t you afraid of what that damn poisoned pigeon might do to you for breaking her rules?” The crimson-haired cutie scoffed, witnessing the entire black dome covering with cracks.
“I don’t care about her rules! All I want is to see you safe!” The sorceress spoke with even more defiance toward Caladrius than Norn ever had in her. If needed, she would challenge this feathered nightmare to a duel, anything, just to save her family.
“I see…” Hawkeye uttered, kneeling before the two girls. All that time, rather than monitoring Freia’s moves, his supernatural senses were aimed outside, to make sure no restless souls cross the fence of magic ice. But now… “I see your eyes, Princess Flare, they’re just like hers. I’m sure; you’ll make Lady Reeharoze proud of you yet.” Now, before he once again departs to the other side, there was one last thing to tell them. First praise, then a claim… “Lady Ellen, I beg of you. The life of Marianna now lies in your hands.” …and finally a plea. With all that said, Organ Trist crumbled, his body turned into black salt. And with it, the entire realm began to collapse in itself…
“Hold tight, Elly…”
…
And now, there was only one dark dome left. Arguably, the worst of them all, this particular world was to be the prison for Keyaruga… or his cemetery. No doorways to run into, no windows to jump from. He was alone, trapped with hundreds of those who were slain by his hand. Those poor bastards – the restless souls, their minds were so obsessed with hatred, and their grudge – powered by the sheer immortality of their ethereal blackened bodies. This was hell in its purest form. The question is – a hell for who, exactly?
“YE-E-E-E-E-EAH!!! IT’S HEALING TIME!!!” Keyaruga snarled and began splattering blood all over the place. Everyone who was touched by that substance became horribly mutated – their heads bloated, their muscles strained so much, they crushed their very bones! “WHAT’S WRONG?! KILL ME!!! KILL ME NOW!!!” The man demanded, dancing around his would-be tormentors with his blade, blessing his foes with the exquisite gift of perpetual agony! Saber in his right hand, Georgius on his left, one complementing another.
Despite what the lad asked, nobody could bring him down. His immortal flesh defied any blade, his bones healed in an instant, his mad frenzy alleviated any pain.
He thought he could kill his enemies for the second and final time, give them proper death in the most excruciating manner. He was wrong…
“DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND ALL OVER AGA-A-A-A-AIN!!!” The hero yelled chopping off heads and severing limbs! He killed so many, he couldn’t even count the slayings! He murdered the same people over and over, each time their agony being more exquisite then the last!
Kill a man once, he won’t even notice, his rage will only rise! Kill him thrice – he’d waver! Five – and the seeds of fear are sown. Ten – and he’s broken completely!
Keyaruga just couldn’t help himself, he hated these scum so much, he just couldn’t contain all his passionate hatred. It was so strong, that the feeling of pure, raw, primordial wrath transcended every possible modification he had put into himself.
“A-A-A-A-A!!! UGH-H-H-H-H!!!” A soldier was weeping, hugging his boot. “S-S-S-S-SPA-A-A-ARE ME-E-E!!!”
“YO-O-OU!!! I remember you!” The healer spoke, raising the cretin by his neck. “My first kill! You watched me being raped, drugged… BEATEN!!!” The man yawped, slicing off his upper face with one nimble slice. “AND YOU NEVER!!! EVER!!! EVER FUCKING HELPED ME!!!” The lad, tainted by black and red blood, slammed the sentry into the ‘floor’…
“A-A-A-A-A!!! PLE-E-E-EASE!!!” …and gleefully sliced off his arms, ignited sparked his left armored hand into a gauntlet of blazing heat!..
“GU-GHH-GUU!!! UA-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!” And finally, cauterized the wounds, just so that the retard wouldn’t die too soon.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!!!” The crazed avenger yelled, grabbing Leonard, so conveniently nearby, weeping. “YOU SAID, I’VE DONE NOTHING FOR THIS FUCKING KINGDOM?! I’LL SHOW YOU, WHAT I CAN DO NO-O-OW!!!”
And so he did, the madman rested his two fingers on the sadist’s forehead. A second passed, and a purple spark had announced the richest form of suffering.
“Oh… U-u… Uo-o-o-o-o-o… Khh…” Indeed, although it wasn’t as vocal as previous ones, Keyaruga was more than pleased with the result. He knew of a human having specific nerves, specifically for reacting to pain. And he just overloaded them. Toxic spiders, dangerous medusas, venomous snakes and scorpions – all of them could do that with their poisons. Hell, even Keyaruga could brew neurotoxins. But damn, this thing had one ultimate merit compared to all of those – the instant effect, so potent, in fact, that the victim can’t even cry out from the excruciating pain!
“He-e! That’s a neat trick.” The lad mumbled, approaching a maid, lying on the “floor” like an embryo. Flare’s bodyguard shivered and sucked her thumb, completely lost to this twisted world. Just one little touch… “Pam! You’re already dead!” Keyaruga sneered tapping his armored fingers by her temple.
“Uh… Uh… Ugh… W… Wha-?.. A-A-A-A-A-A-AGH-H-H!!!” The woman grabbed her skull, but it was too late. All the blood, bile, and even marrow now came into her brain, bloating it, up until it burst in a fountain of black blood and shining entrails.
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!” The deranged healer laughed so loud, and his presence was so overwhelming now, that nobody even dared to come close to him, let alone attack, unless they wished to become a victim of a new twisted experiment. Oh, their fear, this agonizing panic! They’re giving me a fucking boner! I wanna fuck! I want a woman! Oh, this! This will do nicely!
And so, Keyaruga dropped his saber, unfastened his belt, ripped the dress, slapped that ass which he had found, grabbed it, pushed it in! The woman with a blackened tail was slowly dying of blood loss, but that barely concerned the lad. He grabbed her pelvis and began to move, so fast, so frantic, and so mindless, that no one could see a human in him. No-o, this was a wild beast, slamming his bulging cock into the defenseless female, too tired to react, let alone resist somehow. She wasn’t even tight, just barely warm, but even that was enough. A few minutes of such suffering inflicted on her, and he came, this was a brilliant orgasm, deeply perverted, and twisted to the very core…
Oh, that’s the fucking best! I love it so much!
Keyaruga grabbed her hand, wiped his penis with it, pull back his pants, and…
I don’t remember her. I wonder, who that is.
He pushed the body, rolling it to the back.
“Ha-a-a… Hello again, Kailia…” The mad lad recognized her instantly. An agent, sent to find and assist Eve Reese in her quest, hired by someone named Carol. But that alone wouldn’t be enough to get Keyaruga to brutally rape her. “You’ve killed my Norn, but I spared you. Heh, after Kali left, I tasked you to ward off whoever they sent after my Eve, but… It seems like you’ve failed. Really, really sad.” The healer spoke, resting his left hand on her dying flesh, recovering it in an instant. And just like that… “Oh, fuck!” She nearly stabbed him with a knife. Gods only knew where she got it from… “Sit still.” But then, Keyaruga just pressed his finger on her forehead, and completely shut down her limbs functions. He pitied her… but could do nothing for this miserable leopard woman.
“Haa… Damn, it’s getting boring here.” The hero lamented, picking up his weapon of choice. At this point, he just put it back in its sheath. Only then did he spot a couple of new faces in the crowd of weeping bastards. “You there! You don’t look like you should be here. What’s… wait…”
“STAY AWAY FROM ME, MONSTER!!!” The woman cried, she was weeping into her man’s now tainted shirt.
“Heh! He-heh! No-no-no-o! Oh no-o-o!” Keyaruga frantically shook his head, unable to believe what he just saw. This was the worst. This… “Anna! Kurt! What… What’re you even doing here?! I… I avenged you! You shouldn’t have…” His parents were there, they stood among the thugs, slavers, robbers, bandits, zealots, murderers… But they… they weren’t one of them…
“You killed us, traitor. You raped my wife, after everything she’s done for you. You’re disgusting little shit!” The mighty harvester told him, pointing his war-scythe at the hero. The only thing that held him at bay, though, was his spouse, loudly crying with black tears pouring from her eyes.
“Heh… You… really think I’d…”
“No. But you’ve proven it.” Kurt spoke with the coldest possible rage in his voice. Keyaru’s cruelty couldn’t be doubted, after all. Not after everyone he maimed this day. “I don’t give a fuck, what the hell is wrong with you, but I’ll slice your guilty ass as many times as I need.” The older man spoke, pushing Anna aside. And then, he lunged.
Kurt struck as a true warrior – he was swift, accurate, precise – his war scythe – basically a reforged farming tool, grazed Keyaruga’s torso, cut his leg, he even stabbed his foster son through his chest. But… there was no blood.
“Calm down, you two.” The hero demanded, stoically taking hit after hit, like the heavy glaive-like blade was nothing. While Anna crumbled to her knees, lost in her weeping, Kurt wouldn’t stop attacking. “You can’t kill me, I’m immor-…” Barely did the lad say so; before his foster father grabbed the handle in a wide grip, and just swept his head off with one precise strike.
“NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!!!” Strangely enough, despite all of the delusions his parents had about him, Anna just couldn’t stand seeing her child being killed so brutally. “A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!! WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y?!!!” As Keyaru’s head rolled on the ground, the thugs, at least those who weren’t affected by any of hero’s inventive afflictions, started to get rallied again.
“You had it coming, you ungrateful dipshit!” Kurt spat through tightly closed teeth. He couldn’t watch, couldn’t face what he had to do with his adopted prodigy. Even if he was a criminal. Even if…
“I really did…” But the bastards weren’t enjoying the show for too long. Right when the healer seemed to fall, a new body started to grow from his neck-stump, the clothes, the pouches, the weapons – everything turned into ash just to materialize again on the proudly standing conqueror of death itself.
“What devilry is this?” Kurt’s reaction was understandable. A mix of fear, anger, and disgust, was all over his tainted face. In turn…
“KEYARU-U-U-U!!!” Anna just dashed forward to hug her child. No matter, how disgustingly atrocious his resurrection was, without even looking at the beheaded body that now lied nearby, the woman just went ahead and embraced the lad. She… didn’t seem to be in her right mind, even for a dead soul.
“Anna, I… I…” The shivers began taking a hold of him. His hands, his knees – they trembled so much, this simple touch he though he lost forever, this… This was enough to make him cry. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so, so, so-o-o sorry!..”
“DIE, FUCKER!!!”
“THAT YOU HAVE TO SEE ME DOING THIS!!!” Keyaruga yelled, grabbing Leonard by his wrist. Just a little pressure – and he dropped his sword, the weapon faded into nothingness. Then, the man pushed Anna back, punched his foe in the gut, and proudly showed his captive to his family. “Haa… He-heh! He-e-e… This… This is Leonard, Flare’s… right hand…” The hero spoke, this time trying to maintain his sanity, as his parents now cautiously looked at him. “I… I came from the future! I had to rewind time’s flow itself… Because Flare was evil, and he…” Then, the man put his hand onto the barely struggling imbecile, thus transforming him into Keyaru, the motionless child, whose entire mobility, except for breathing, was shut down for the ease of what he was about to do. “I killed Flare! And he took my guilt. Then…” Afterwards, the healer went ahead and summoned raging flames upon his free hand. Kurt and Anna watched motionlessly, as he placed the magic-shrouded palm onto his ‘own’ face, burned it, scourged the blackened flesh with the sorcery he ‘learned’ from Flare… “My trick was revealed, and he headed out to our village, looking just like me. The rest… you know the rest.”
And finally, Keyaruga dropped the motionless doll, unable even to cry out from the excruciating pain the Hero of Healing inflicted upon it. He then faced his parents, still shocked by such a display of merciless brutality, they couldn’t even properly reply, this entire spectacle of bloodshed, mayhem, rape, torture, demonstration of immortality, and now – proofs of metamorphosis – all of that left them utterly silent.
“Kurt, Anna… I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you… But I can’t let you, or any one of these fuckers keep me here! I… I have a family! Freia, Setsuna, Ellen, Eve – I so wanted you to meet them… But you can’t now. You… might not believe me, and I understand that.” The red-eyed lad uttered, as his posture slouched more and more, along with his fading bravery. “This is what it’s like to be a man! I must be strong! I have to be ruthless now, so that nobody would challenge me in the future!” The man added, now turning his back to his foster parents. He stood straight, he stretched his shoulders, took a deep breath, and… “LISTEN HERE, YOU FUCKING MONSTERS!!! WHAT YOU’VE FELT NOW IS BUT A TINY BIT OF WHAT I’LL DO TO YOU, ONCE I’M FUCKING DEAD!!! NOW YOU WILL GO INTO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL, AND WHEN YOU’RE THERE, PRAY I DON’T FUCKING DIE ANYTIME SOON!!! BECAUSE WHEN I FINALLY KICK THIS SHITTY BUCKET, I’LL FIND EACH OF YOU, AND WE’LL BE PLAYING FOR THE WHOLE OF ETERNITY!!! BUT WHY WAIT, WHEN WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN NOW, HU-U-U-UH?!!!”
The speech was told, the impact made. His words were so zealous, so passionately intimidating, that the weeping fools now reached a whole new depth of despair.
“GET US OUT OF HERE!!!”
“SAVE ME-E-E-E!!!”
“HE’S THE DEVIL!!! DE-E-EVIL!!!”
“UA-A-A-A-A-A-A!!!”
“KUUNDA (I’m so scared)!!!”
“HE-E-E-E-E-ELP!!!”
And so, this entire crowd, this mob of immortal corpses, just ran away. Everyone, who could still stand on their feet, began fleeing in panic, trampling each other in the process. What they failed to notice, though, is that the dome is endless only for its main victim. Everyone else just came up against the invisible wall.
The Trial of Heart – its goal is twisted, to be certain. To pass it would mean releasing the dead souls from their grudge toward you. A saint would shift it to forgiveness, but the deranged avenger pumped so much fear in those criminals, that their hatred was replaced by the purest and most animalistic terror. Still, with the task done, the souls began to dissipate in a white light. They would finally be free…
“REMEMBER!!! YOU’VE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!! WE’LL MEET AGAIN, YOU FUCKING SHITBAGS!!!” Unfortunately for them, though, Keyaruga’s long shadow still loomed above them all. And such, even in relief, the crowd continued to cry, to sob, to wail, to…
“Keya… ru…” But not all left because of dread. When the avenger turned around, his foster mother, crumbling into white flakes, stood on her tiptoes to give him a last kiss on the cheek. “You’ve grown… so much…”
And so, she faded. Kurt quickly followed, although it wasn’t forgiveness or benevolence that filled his raging soul. No, it was an impotent acceptance. He saw Keyaruga as a mirror, in which he saw himself, before he deserted the royal guard and found himself in Alban.
“Someday… you’ll follow my path…” And this was what the man spoke at last, dropping his war-scythe to the ethereal ground. With no souls to redeem in the most twisted of ways, the dome of blackness quickly turned insufferably bright.
The Trial of Heart had been passed.

PODCAST: https://ayearofwarandpeace.podbean.com/e/ep1572-hail-and-farewell-george-moore-vale-chapter-112/
PROMPTS: George does not care about you, whatsoever.
Today's Reading, via Project Gutenberg:
Borde could not enlighten him on that point, and I suggested that he should make application to the publisher of his Prayer-Book and get his money back. There is nobody. I said, like him. He is more wonderful than anything in literature. I prefer him to Sancho who was untroubled with a conscience and never thought of running to the Bishop of Toledo. All the same he is not without the shrewdness of his ancestors, and got the better of Archbishop Walsh, and for the last five years Vincent O'Brien has been beating time, and will beat it till the end of his life; and he will be succeeded by others, for Edward has, by deed, saved the Italian contrapuntalists till time everlasting from competition with modern composers. He certainly has gotten the better of Walsh. And I thought of a picture-gallery in Dublin with nothing in it but Botticelli and his school, and myself declaring that all painting that had been done since had no interest for me.... A smile began to spread over my face, for the story that was coming into my mind seemed oh! so humorous, so like Ireland, so like Edward, that I began to tell myself again the delightful story of the unrefined ears that, weary of erudite music, had left the cathedral and sought instinctively modern tunes and women's voices, and as these were to be found in Westland Row the church was soon overflowing with a happy congregation. But in a little while the collections grew scantier. This time it couldn't be Palestrina, and all kinds of reasons were adduced. At last the truth could no longer be denied—the professional Catholics of Merrion Square had been driven out of Westland Row by the searching smells of dirty clothes, and had gone away to the University Church in Stephen's Green. So if it weren't Palestrina directly it was Palestrina indirectly, and the brows of the priests began to knit when Edward Martyn's name was mentioned. Them fal-de-dals is well enough on the Continent, in Paris, where there is no faith, was the opinion of an important ecclesiastic. But we don't want them here, murmured a second ecclesiastic. All this counterpoint may make a very pretty background for Mr Martyn's prayers, but what about the poor people's? Good composer or bad composer, there is no congregation in him, said a third. There's too much congregation, put in the first, but not the kind we want! The second ecclesiastic took snuff, and the group were of opinion that steps should be taken to persuade dear Edward to make good their losses. The priests in Marlborough Street sympathised with the priests of Westland Row, and told them that they were so heavily out of pocket that Mr Martyn had agreed to do something for them. It seemed to the Westland Row priests that if Mr Martyn were making good the losses of the priests of the pro-Cathedral, he should make good their losses. It was natural that they should think so, and to acquit himself of all responsibility Edward no doubt consulted the best theologians on the subject, and I think that they assured him that he is not responsible for indirect losses. If he were, his whole fortune would not suffice. He was, of course, very sorry if a sudden influx of poor people had caused a falling-off in the collections of Westland Row, for he knew that the priests needed the money very much to pay for the new decorations, and to help them he wrote an article in the Independent praising the new blue ceiling, which seemed, so he wrote, a worthy canopy for the soaring strains of Palestrina.
Unfortunately rubbing salt into the wound, I said. A story that will amuse Dujardin and it will be great fun telling him in the shady garden at Fontainebleau how Edward, anxious to do something for his church, had succeeded in emptying two. All the way down the alleys he will wonder how Edward could have ever looked upon Palestrina's masses as religious music. The only music he will say, in which religious emotion transpires is plain-chant. Huysmans says that the Tantum Ergo or the Dies Irae, one or the other, reminds him of a soul being dragged out of purgatory, and it is possible that it does; but a plain-chant tune arranged in eight-part counterpoint cannot remind one of anything very terrible. Dujardin knows that Palestrina was a priest, and he will say: That fact deceived your friend, just as the fact of finding the Adeste Fideles among the plain-chant tunes deceived him. For of course I shall tell Dujardin that story too. It is too good to be missed. He is wonderful, Dujardin! I shall cry out in one of the sinuous alleys. There never was anybody like him! And I will tell him more soul-revealing anecdotes. I will say: Dujardin, listen. One evening he contended that the great duet at the end of Siegfried reminded him of mass by Palestrina. Dujardin will laugh, and, excited by his laughter, I will try to explain to him that what Edward sees is that Palestrina took a plain chant tune and gave fragments of it to the different voices, and in his mind these become confused with the motives of The Ring. You see, Dujardin, the essential always escapes him—the intention of the writer is hidden from him. I am beginning to understand your friend. He has, let us suppose, a musical ear that allows him to take pleasure in the music; but a musical ear will not help him to follow Wagner's idea—how, in a transport of sexual emotion, a young man and a young woman on a mountain-side awaken to the beauty of the life of the world. Dujardin's appreciations will provoke me, and I will say: Dujardin, you shouldn't be so appreciative. If I were telling you of a play I had written, it would be delightful to watch my idea dawning upon your consciousness; but I am telling you of a real man, and one that I shall never to able to get into literature. He will answer: We invent nothing; we can but perceive. And then, exhilarated, carried beyond myself, I will say: Dujardin, I will tell you something still more wonderful than the last gaffe. II gaffe dans les Quat'z Arts. He admires Ibsen, but you'd never guess the reason why—because he is very like Racine; both of them, he says, are classical writers. And do you know how he arrived at that point? Because nobody is killed on the stage in Racine or in Ibsen. He does not see that the intention of Racine is to represent men and women out of time and out of space, unconditioned by environment, and that the very first principle of Ibsen's art is the relation of his characters to their environment. In many passages he merely dramatises Darwin. There never was anybody so interesting as dear Edward, and there never will be anybody like him in literature ... I will explain why presently, but I must first tell you another anecdote. I went to see him one night, and he told me that the theme of the play he was writing was a man who had married a woman because he had lost faith in himself; the man did not know, however, that the woman had married him for the same reason, and the two of them were thinking—I have forgotten what they were thinking, but I remember Edward saying: I should like to suggest hopelessness. I urged many phrases, but he said: It isn't a phrase I want, but an actual thing. I was thinking of a broken anchor—that surely is a symbol of hopelessness. Yes, I said, no doubt, but how are you going to get a broken anchor into a drawing-room? I don't write about drawing-rooms. Well, living-rooms. It isn't likely that they would buy a broken anchor and put it up by the coal-scuttle.
There's that against it, he answered. If you could suggest anything better—What do you think of a library in which there is nothing but unacted plays? The characters could say, when there was nothing for them to do on the stage, that they were going to the library to read, and the library would have the advantage of reminding everybody of the garret in the Wild Duck. A very cruel answer, my friend, Dujardin will say, and I will tell him that I can't help seeing in Edward something beyond Shakespeare or Balzac. Now, tell me, which of these anecdotes I have told you is the most humorous? He will not answer my question, but a certain thoughtfulness will begin to settle in his face, and he will say: Everything with him is accidental, and when his memory fails him he falls into another mistake, and he amuses you because it is impossible for you to anticipate his next mistake. You know there is going to be one; there must be one, for he sees things separately rather than relatively. I am beginning to understand your friend.
You are, you are; you are doing splendidly. But you haven't told me, Dujardin, which anecdote you prefer. Stay, there is another one. Perhaps this one will help you to a still better understanding. When he brought The Heather Field and Yeats's play The Countess Cathleen to Dublin for performance, a great trouble of conscience awakened suddenly in him, and a few days before the performance he went to a theologian to ask him if The Countess Cathleen were a heretical work, and, if it were would Almighty God hold him responsible for the performance? But he couldn't withdraw Yeats's play without withdrawing his own, and it appears that he breathed a sigh of relief when a common friend referred the whole matter to two other theologians, and as these gave their consent Edward allowed the plays to go on; but Cardinal Logue intervened, and wrote a letter to the papers to say that the play seemed to him unfit for Catholic ears, and Edward would have withdrawn the plays if the Cardinal hadn't admitted in his letter that he had judged the play by certain extracts only.
He wishes to act rightly, but has little faith in himself; and what makes him so amusing is that he needs advice in aesthetics as well as in morals. We are, I said, Dujardin, at the roots of conscience. And I began to ponder the question what would happen to Edward if we lived in a world in which aesthetics ruled: I should be where Bishop Healy is, and he would be a thin, small voice crying in the wilderness—an amusing subject of meditation, from which I awoke suddenly.
I wonder how Dujardin is getting on with his Biblical studies? Last year he was calling into question the authorship of the Romans—a most eccentric view; and, remembering how weakly I had answered him, I took the Bible from the table and began to read the Epistle with a view to furnishing myself with arguments wherewith to confute him. My Bible opened at the ninth chapter, and I said: Why, here is the authority for the Countess Cathleen's sacrifice which Edward's theologian deemed untheological. It will be great fun to poke Edward up with St Paul, and on my way to Lincoln Place I thought how I might lead the conversation to The Countess Cathleen.
📷
A few minutes afterwards a light appeared on the staircase and the door slowly opened.
Come in, Siegfried, though you were off the key.
Well, my dear friend, it is a difficult matter to whistle above two trams passing simultaneously and six people jabbering round a public-house, to say nothing of a jarvey or two, and you perhaps dozing in your armchair, as your habit often is. You won't open to anything else except a motive from The Ring; and I stumbled up the stairs in front of Edward, who followed with a candle.
Wait a moment; let me go first and I'll turn up the gas.
You aren't sitting in the dark, are you?
No, but I read better by candle-light, and he blew out the candles in the tin candelabrum that he had made for himself. He is original even in his candelabrum; no one before him had ever thought of a caridelabrum in tin, and I fell to admiring his appearance more carefully than perhaps I had ever done before, so monumental did he seem lying on the little sofa sheltered from daughts by a screen, a shawl about his shoulders. His churchwarden was drawing famously, and I noticed his great square hands with strong fingers and square nails pared closely away, and as heretofore I admired the curve of the great belly, the thickness of the thighs, the length and breadth and the width of his foot hanging over the edge of the sofa, the apoplectic neck falling into great rolls of flesh, the humid eyes, the skull covered with short stubbly hair. I looked round the rooms and they seemed part of himself: the old green wallpaper on which he pins reproductions of the Italian masters. And I longed to peep once more into the bare bedroom into which he goes to fetch bottles of Apollinaris. Always original! Is there another man in this world whose income is two thousand a year, and who sleeps in a bare bedroom, without dressing-room, or bathroom, or servant in the house to brush his clothes, and who has to go to the baker's for his breakfast?
We had been talking for some time of the Gaelic League, and from Hyde it was easy to pass to Yeats and his plays.
His best play is The Countess Cathleen.
The Countess Cathleen is only a sketch.
But what I never could understand, Edward, was why you and the Cardinal could have had any doubts as to the orthodoxy of The Countess Cathleen.
What, a woman that sells her own soul in order to save the souls of others!
I suppose your theologian objected—
Of course he objected.
He cannot have read St Paul.
What do you mean?
He can't have read St Paul, or else he is prepared to throw over St Paul.
Mon ami Moore, mon ami Moore.
The supernatural idealism of a man who would sell his soul to save the souls of others fills me with awe.
But it wasn't a man; it was the Countess Cathleen, and women are never idealists.
Not the saints?
His face grew solemn at once.
If you give me the Epistles I will read the passage to you. And it was great fun to go to the bookshelves and read: I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost, that I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart. For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh.
Edward's face grew more and more solemn, and I wondered of what he was thinking.
Paul is a very difficult and a very obscure writer, and I think the Church is quite right not to encourage the reading of the Epistles, especially without comments.
Then you do think there is something in the passage I have read?
After looking down his dignified nose for a long time, he said:
Of course, the Church has an explanation. All the same, it's very odd that St Paul should have said such a thing—very odd.
There is no doubt that I owe a great deal of my happiness to Edward; all my life long he has been exquisite entertainment. And I fell to thinking that Nature was very cruel to have led me, like Moses, within sight of the Promised Land. A story would be necessary to bring Edward into literature, and it would be impossible to devise an action of which he should be a part. The sex of a woman is odious to him, and a man with two thousand a year does not rob nor steal, and he is so uninterested in his fellow-men that he has never an ill word to say about anybody. John Eglinton is a little thing; AE is a soul that few will understand; but Edward is universal—more universal than Yeats, than myself, than any of us, but for lack of a story I shall not be able to give him the immortality in literature which he seeks in sacraments. Shakespeare always took his stories from some other people. Turgenev's portrait of him would be thin, poor, and evasive, and Balzac would give us the portrait of a mere fool. And Edward is not a fool. As I understand him he is a temperament without a rudder; all he has to rely upon is his memory, which isn't a very good one, and so he tumbles from one mistake into another. My God! it is a terrible thing to happen to one, to understand a man better than he understands himself, and to be powerless to help him. If I had been able to undo his faith I should have raised him to the level of Sir Horace Plunkett, but he resisted me; and perhaps he did well, for he came into the world seeing things separately rather than relatively, and had to be a Catholic. He is a born Catholic, and I remembered one of his confessions—a partial confession, but a confession: If you had been brought up as strictly as I have been—I don't think he ever finished the sentence; he often leaves sentences unfinished, as if he fears to think things out. The end of the sentence should run: You would not dare to think independently. He thinks that his severe bringing-up has robbed him of something. But the prisoner ends by liking his prison-house, and on another occasion he said: If it hadn't been for the Church, I don't know what would have happened to me.
My thoughts stopped, and when I awoke I was thinking of Hughes. Perhaps the link between Hughes and Edward was Loughrea Cathedral. He had shown me a photograph of some saints modelled by Hughes. Hughes is away in Paris, I said, modelling saints for Loughrea Cathedral. The last time I saw him was at Walter Osborne's funeral, and Walter's death set me thinking of the woman I had lost, and little by little all she had told me about herself floated up in my mind like something that I had read. I had never seen her father nor the Putney villa in which she had been brought up, but she had made me familiar with both through her pleasant mode of conversation, which was never to describe anything, but just to talk about things, dropping phrases here and there, and the phrases she dropped were so well chosen that the comfort of the villa, its pompous meals and numerous servants, its gardens and greenhouses, with stables and coach-house just behind, are as well known to me as the house that I am living in, better known in a way, for I see it through the eyes of the imagination ... clearer eyes than the physical eyes.
It does not seem to me that any one was ever more conscious of whence she had come and of what she had been; she seemed to be able to see herself as a child again, and to describe her childhood with her brother (they were nearly the same age) in the villa and in the villa's garden. I seemed to see them always as two rather staid children who were being constantly dressed by diligent nurses and taken out for long drives in the family carriage. They did not like these drives and used to hide in the garden; but their governess was sent to fetch them, and they were brought back. Her father did not like to have the horses kept waiting, and one day as Stella stood with him in the passage, she saw her mother come out of her bedroom beautifully dressed. Her father whispered something in his wife's ear, and he followed her into her bedroom. Stella remembered how the door closed behind them. In my telling, the incident seems to lose some of its point, but in Stella's relation it seemed to put her father and his wife before me and so clearly that I could not help asking her what answer her father would make were she to tell him that she had a lover. A smile hovered in her grave face. He would look embarrassed, she said, and wonder why I should have told him such a thing, and then I think he would go to the greenhouse, and when he returned he would talk to me about something quite different. I don't think that Stella ever told me about the people that came to their house, but people must have come to it, and as an example of how a few words can convey an environment I will quote her: I always wanted to talk about Rossetti, she said, and these seven words seem to me to tell better than any description the life of a girl living with a formal father in a Putney villa, longing for something, not knowing exactly what, and anxious to get away from home.... I think she told me she was eighteen or nineteen and had started painting before she met Florence at the house of one of her father's friends; a somewhat sore point this meeting was, for Florence was looked upon by Stella's father as something of a Bohemian. She was a painter, and knew all the Art classes and the fees that had to be paid, and led Stella into the world of studios and models and girl friends. She knew how to find studios and could plan out a journey abroad. Stella's imagination was captured, and even if her father had tried to offer opposition to her leaving home he could not have prevented her, for she was an heiress (her mother was dead and had left her a considerable income); but he did not try, and the two girls set up house together in Chelsea; they travelled in Italy and Spain; they had a cottage in the country; they painted pictures and exhibited their pictures in the same exhibitions; they gave dances in their studios and were attracted by this young man and the other; but Stella did not give herself to any one, because, as she admitted to me, she was afraid that a lover would interrupt the devotion which she intended to give to Art. But life is forever casting itself into new shapes and forms, and no sooner had she begun to express herself in Art than she met me. I was about to go to Ireland to preach a new gospel, and must have seemed a very impulsive and fantastic person to her, but were not impulsiveness and fantasy just the qualities that would appeal to her? And were not gravity and good sense the qualities that would appeal to me, determined as I was then to indulge myself in a little madness?
I could not have chosen a saner companion than Stella; my instinct had led me to her; but because one man's instinct is a little more clear than another's, it does not follow that he has called reason to his aid. It must be remembered always that the art of painting is as inveterate in me as the art of writing, and that I am never altogether myself when far away from the smell of oil paint. Stella could talk to one about painting, and all through that wonderful summer described in Salve our talk flowed on as delightfully as a breeze in Maytime, and as irresponsible, flashing thoughts going by and avowals perfumed with memories. Only in her garden did conversation fail us, for in her garden Stella could think only of her flowers, and it seemed an indiscretion to follow her as she went through the twilight gathering dead blooms or freeing plants from noxious insects. But she would have had me follow her, and I think was always a little grieved that I wasn't as interested in her garden as I was in her painting; and my absent-mindedness when I followed her often vexed her and my mistakes distressed her.
You are interested, she said, only in what I say about flowers and not in the flowers themselves. You like to hear me tell about Miss —— whose business in life is to grow carnations, because you already see her, dimly, perhaps, but still you see her in a story. Forget her and look at this Miss Shifner!
Yes, it is beautiful, but we can only admire the flowers that we notice when we are children, I answered. Dahlias, china roses, red and yellow tulips, tawny wallflowers, purple pansies, are never long out of my thoughts, and all the wonderful varieties of the iris, the beautiful blue satin and the cream, some shining like porcelain, even the common iris that grows about the moat.
But there were carnations in your mother's garden?
Yes, and I remember seeing them being tied with bass. But what did you say yesterday about carnations? That they were the—
She laughed and would not tell me, and when the twilight stooped over the high trees and the bats flitted and the garden was silent except when a fish leaped, I begged her to come away to the wild growths that I loved better than the flowers.
But the mallow and willow-weed are the only two that you recognise. How many times have I told you the difference between self-heal and tufted vetch?
I like cow parsley and wild hyacinths and—
You have forgotten the name. As well speak of a woman that you loved but whose name you had forgotten.
Well, if I have, I love trees better than you do, Stella. You pass under a fir unstirred by the mystery of its branches, and I wonder at you, for I am a tree worshipper, even as my ancestors, and am moved as they were by the dizzy height of a great silver fir. You like to paint trees, and I should like to paint flowers if I could paint; there we are set forth, you and I.
I have told in Salve that in Rathfarnham she found many motives for painting; the shape of the land and the spire above the straggling village appealed to me, but she was not altogether herself in these pictures. She would have liked the village away, for man and his dwellings did not form part of her conception of a landscape; large trees and a flight of clouds above the trees were her selection, and the almost unconscious life of kine wandering or sheep seeking the shelter of a tree.
Stella was a good walker, and we followed the long road leading from Rathfarnham up the hills, stopping to admire the long plain which we could see through the comely trees shooting out of the shelving hillside.
If I have beguiled you into a country where there are no artists and few men of letters, you can't say that I have not shown you comely trees. And now if you can walk two miles farther up this steep road I will show you a lovely prospect.
And I enjoyed her grave admiration of the old Queen Anne dwelling-house, its rough masonry, the yew hedges, the path along the hillside leading to the Druid altar and the coast-line sweeping in beautiful curves, but she did not like to hear me say that the drawing of the shore reminded her of Corot.
It is a sad affectation, she said, to speak of Nature reminding one of pictures.
Well, the outlines of Howth are beautiful, I answered, and the haze is incomparable. I should like to have spoken about a piece of sculpture, but for your sake, Stella, I refrain.
She was interested in things rather than ideas, and I remember her saying to me that things interest us only because we know that they are always slipping from us. A strange thing for a woman to say to her lover. She noticed all the changes of the seasons and loved them, and taught me to love them. She brought a lamb back from Rathfarnham, a poor forlorn thing that had run bleating so pitifully across the windy field that she had asked the shepherd where the ewe was, and he had answered that she had been killed overnight by a golf-ball. The lamb will be dead before morning, he added. And it was that March that the donkey produced a foal, a poor ragged thing that did not look as if it ever could be larger than a goat, but the donkey loved her foal.
Do you know the names of those two birds flying up and down the river?
They look to me like two large wrens with white waistcoats.
They are water-ouzels, she said.
The birds flew with rapid strokes of the wings, like kingfishers, alighting constantly on the river, on large mossy stones, and though we saw them plunge into the water, it was not to swim, but to run along the bottom in search of worms.
But do worms live under water?
The rooks were building, and a little while after a great scuffling was heard in one of the chimneys and a young jackdaw came down and soon became tamer than any bird I had ever seen, tamer than a parrot, and at the end of May the corncrake called from the meadow that summer had come again, and the kine wandered in deeper and deeper and deeper herbage. The days seemed never to end, and looking through the branches of the chestnut in which the fruit had not begun to show, we caught sight of a strange spectacle. Stella said, A lunar rainbow, and I wondered, never having heard of or seen such a thing before.
I shall never forget that rainbow, Stella, and am glad that we saw it together.
In every love story lovers reprove each other for lack of affection, and Stella had often sent me angry letters which caused me many heart-burnings and brought me out to her; in the garden there were reconciliations, we picked up the thread again, and the summer had passed before the reason of these quarrels became clear to me. One September evening Stella said she would accompany me to the gate, and we had not gone very far before I began to notice that she was quarrelling with me. She spoke of the loneliness of the Moat House, and I had answered that she had not been alone two evenings that week. She admitted my devotion. And if you admit that there has been no neglect—
She would not tell me, but there was something she was not satisfied with, and before we reached the end of the avenue she said, I don't think I can tell you. But on being pressed she said:
Well, you don't make love to me often enough.
And full of apologies I answered, Let me go back.
No, I can't have you back now, not after having spoken like that.
But she yielded to my invitation, and we returned to the house, and next morning I went back to Dublin a little dazed, a little shaken.
A few days after she went away to Italy to spend the winter and wrote me long letters, interesting me in herself, in the villagers, in the walks and the things that she saw in her walks, setting me sighing that she was away from me, or that I was not with her. And going to the window I would stand for a long time watching the hawthorns in their bleak wintry discontent, thinking how the sunlight fell into the Italian gardens, and caught the corner of the ruin she was sketching; and I let my fancy stray for a time unchecked. It would be wonderful to be in Italy with her, but—
I turned from the window suspicious, for there was a feeling at the back of my mind that with her return an anxiety would come into my life that I would willingly be without. She had told me she had refrained from a lover because she wished to keep all herself for her painting, and now she had taken to herself a lover. She was twenty years younger than I was, and at forty-six or thereabouts one begins to feel that one's time for love is over; one is consultant rather than practitioner. But it was impossible to dismiss the subject with a jest, and I found myself face to face with the question—If these twenty years were removed, would things be different? It seemed to me that the difficulty that had arisen would have been the same earlier in my life as it was now, and returning to the window I watched the hawthorns blowing under the cold grey Dublin sky.
The problem is set, I said, for the married, and every couple has to solve it in one way or another, but they have to solve it; they have to come to terms with love, especially the man, for whom it is a question of life and death. But how do they come to terms? And I thought of the different married people I knew. Which would be most likely to advise me—the man or the woman? It would be no use to seek advice; every case is different, I said. If anybody were to advise me it would be the man, for the problem is not so difficult for a woman. She can escape from love more easily than her lover or her husband; she can plead, and her many pleadings were considered, one by one, and how in married life the solution that seems to lovers so difficult is solved by marriage itself, by propinquity. But not always, not always. The question is one of extraordinary interest and importance; more marriages come to shipwreck, I am convinced, on this very question than upon any other. In the divorce cases published we read of incompatibility of temper and lack of mutual tastes, mere euphemisms that deceive nobody. The image of a shipwreck rose up in me naturally. She will return, and like a ship our love for each other will be beaten on these rocks and broken. We shall not be able to get out to sea. She will return, and when she returns her temperament will have to be adjusted to mine, else she will lose me altogether, for men have died of love, though Shakespeare says they haven't. Manet and Daudet—both died of love; and the somewhat absurd spectacle of a lover waiting for his mistress to return, and yet dreading her returning, was constantly before me.
It often seemed to me that it was my own weakness that created our embarrassment. A stronger man would have been able to find a way out, but I am not one that can shape and mould another according to my desire; and when she returned from Italy I found myself more helpless than ever, and I remember, and with shame, how, to avoid being alone with her, I would run down the entire length of a train, avoiding the empty carriages, crying Not here, not here! at last opening the door of one occupied by three or four people, who all looked as if they were bound for a long journey. I remember, too, how about this time I came with friends to see Stella, whether by accident or design, frankly I know not; I only know that I brought many friends to see her, thinking they would interest her.
If you don't care to come to see me without a chaperon, I would rather you didn't come at all, she said, humiliating me very deeply.
It seemed to me, I answered, blushing, that you would like to see ——, and I mentioned the name of the man who had accompanied me.
If I am cross sometimes it is because I don't see enough of you.
It seems to me that it was then that the resolve hardened in my heart to become her friend ... if she would allow me to become her friend. But in what words should I frame my request and my apology? All the time our life was becoming less amiable, until one evening I nipped the quarrel that was beginning, stopping suddenly at the end of the avenue.
It is better that we should understand each other. The plain truth is that I must cease to be your lover unless my life is to be sacrificed.
Cease to be my lover!
That is impossible, but a change comes into every love story.
The explanation stuttered on. I remember her saying: I don't wish you to sacrifice your life. I have forgotten the end of her sentence. She drew her hand suddenly across her eyes. I will conquer this obsession.
A man would have whined and cried and besought and worried his mistress out of her wits. Women behave better than we; only once did her feelings overcome her. She spoke to me of the deception that life is. Again we were standing by the gate at the end of the chestnut avenue, and I remembered her telling me how a few years ago life had seemed to hold out its hands to her; her painting and her youth created her enjoyment.
But now life seems to have shrivelled up, she said; only a little dust is left.
Nothing is changed, so far as you and I are concerned. We see each other just the same.
I am no more to you than any other woman.
She went away again to Italy to paint and returned to Ireland, and one day she came to see me, and remained talking for an hour. I have no memory of what we said to each other, but a very clear memory of our walk through Dublin over Carlisle Bridge and along the quays. I had accompanied her as far as the Phoenix Park gates, and at the corner of the Conyngham Road, just as I was bidding her goodbye, she said:
I want to ask your advice on a matter of importance to me.
And to me, for what is important to you is equally important to me.
I am thinking, she said, of being married.
At the news it seems to me that I was unduly elated and tried to assume the interest that a friend should.

I do

Just figured I put these down in writing. You can find the stone tables in the sky [Islands that look like flowers, some you need to zoom in to see.)
I'm putting down both how they're written and Wortsworth's own translation:

1. Account of a Celebration

"So swete the song of kyng Rauru ond so grete the beaute of his susteres daunce, that wer min eies ond eres captif. Ond so hende quen Sonias gasen on us alle so felt y min herte als captif fallen. Seruantes lyf, tho moche laboursum, han moche jolitee as welle. Longe be the lyf of the roial familie y love so."
Wortsworth's Take:
"This is an account of a party from those days. It says King Rauru and his older sister sang and danced together while Queen Sonia looked on. We think of royalty austere and reserved, but these nobles amused themselves with song and dance. But what a vivid recounting of a scene never before related in any history book...The descriptions of their personalities and expressions made this ancient past feel alive again. This stone tablet is a first-class find. Well done, dear Chamberlain in leaving behind this account for us."

1. The Strong Queen and the Receptive King

"Sonia, quen to Hyrule's kyng bi birthe Hylian preesterresse, hirself yborn of londe, nat of skie aboven. Speken she with open herte, eornest to alle, euen even to the Zonais kyng. This kyng ythinke it gode aventure so to lerne of the londes folke. To sen his hed ybent to listenen is swich plesaunce."
Wortsworth Take:
"This one looks to be about Queen Sonia. it claims that Sonia was a priestess before marrying Rauru. Despite his status as Zonai, a people popularly thought to be gods, she would counsel him without any trepidation. Moreover, Rauru heeded this counsel. This account gives us firsthand knowledge of the nature of Queen Sonia and King Rauru's relationship."

1. The Harmonious Couple

"Oft wys Rauru, kyng of kene blade, weyve his werk real in favor of the hunte. Ond oft queynte Sonia, quene of kene insight, seke out him and repaire this kyng to kyngly besynesse. in hir sapience semes she divin, that she cunne him ever finde and for hes folly semes him the mor humain. Ond the kyng? O, he laughe, Nat him hir equal for hir wit, he kunne. Ond the quen, she laughe to, als even she scolden."
Wortswoth's Take"
"This is a tale of King Rauru. Apparently, he would vacate his offical business from time to time in order to go out hunting. I had the impression he was a stricter, more serious king, but I guess he had a lighter side as well. However, Queen Sonia was always a step ahead. She would put a stop to King Rauru's hunts and bring him back. We rarely get a glimpse into the down-to-earth side of royalty i this way. It's an important find, to be sure."

1. A Pilgrimage of Light

"The kyng was late y-come this aven, so maked the quene to sharen tales of hir lond, of shirines al grene yglouen. Of erli daies sinnes Hyrules funding have diverse monstres hir reaume biseged ond assayllede. Uncesinge in striffe, thei broughte to despeir folkes lyfen. Kyng ond quen ysete thamselue to bringen scurge to ende. With might of light od pouere, driven abak ybeen, ond the roial couple made thes shirines to selen hem awei. These holi selen ben yclept Shirines of Light. Gret kyng, grete quen, y thank ye. Ye foughte whan y wer maiden-child, that y kude pes toknouen."
Wortsworth Take:
"The subject here is the actions of King Rauru and Queen Sonia undertook not long after Hyrule's founding. With the kingdom established, they were worried for their people, so they set out to eradicate the monsters troubling them. They created structures called Shrines of Light to seal the monsters away so that they could never be revived. There's more here about light...and tie too...The sense I get is that the to of them may have had supernatural powers. Though it's part of ancient history, it's a feat those of us living today should still be grateful for. Truly an important discovery."

1. The Researcher Mineru

"Queynte Mineru, the kynges elder suster, falles so dep in hir bokes swich that she oft foryetes to eten. In min wieried wei don I what much I con, but y fer haven that it ben litel avail. Of late treteth she of 'contructes,' thinges did she make with hir hondes as vessel for spirit whan bodi-lich failen. So seyde she, micht she liven longe, in spiret yhused within this construct.' Though Mineru ne semes to holden ani deceyte,,,Bi my feith, y kan nat als trouthe thes wordes bileven."
Wortsworth's Take:
"Here, we learn a bit about Mineru. It says that she neglected to eat or sleep while making something called a...construct? It was part of her research into a means of returning to life as a spirit possessing a new body, should her original one die. To you or I, this sounds less like history ad more like some sort of ghost story. But remember who we're dealing with. They may have had unfathomable powers that made such things possible. The revelation that Mineru was a fellow researcher makes her feel like a kindred spirit to me, and yet...The chamberlain who inscribed these tablets treats Mineru with such care and kindness that it warms my heart.

1. The Foreign Princess

"Ful fyn is the weder this morn, ond have y audience with theos princes seyd ben kin bi fer distaunt yeres to quene Sonia. Bi gras has she bee given a name most swete, of Zelda she been yclept. In certain folk stered suspecioun, for straunge wer hir garnementes ond sodein wer her aparaunce. Yet wolde hir contenonce ond bering maked proof of hir right blod and bond to quene Sonia. Als be Zelda to remainen for a wile with us, y wil mi-self als hochmayde offre ekein hir servis."
Wortswoth's Take:
"This is another fascinating entry. If my translation is correct, the Zelda described here is Sonia's distant relative. According to this, she arrived in Hyrule unexpectedly from another kingdom. It seems she was a beautiful princess. Her strange clothing perplexed the people of Hyrule, and many were suspicious of her at first. But this Zelda had such an undeniable air of nobility that those who doubted she was of royal birth were soon silenced. Note how clearly this convey's the writer's feelings regarding Zelda. Once it was clear Zelda would be staying, she applied to be chamberlain to the princess. That suggests real admiration."

1. The Free-Spirited Zelda

"Princesse Zelda recent comes to sen Mineru, the kynges older suster. I co eck, for hir to seruen. Todai cam hit ipassen that Mineru sheued to Zelda construct althergrettest y hav ysen. Zelda, she much desired on hit to riden, ond ne conne nat y seien coust hir stoppen. Though I dyde protesten. Loudli. Neuer the lesse she made to sitten heighe upon the constructes sculdres ond to riden like an hors, al ful of grace. Min lausion, so graunt alredy, dyde grouen al the mor."
Wortswoth's Take:
The subject here Zelda and Mineru. Zelda apparently visited Mineru often to assist with her research. I have no idea what kind of thing this 'construct' that allowed people to ride it was. But Zelda rode it so well that our author the chamberlain was again impressed by her skill at everything she tried. That's the long and short of it here. But more than the narrative, what strikes me is the back and forth between the chamberlain and Zelda. The chamberlain tried to warm Zelda of the danger, but Zelda pushed past her and rode the construct anyway. It's short, but so evocative of both the level of technology found in this era and the character of their visitor Zelda. The 'treasure' found in these stone tablets is the pearls of wisdom and nuggets of personality contained within."

1. The Latest Trend

"Faciou nou favereth garnementes adourned with muscheron patrons, ond fer ond wid beon thei wern. This tast for muscheron com of the casteles seamestre, who sogte to seuen clethes for princesse Zelda to plesen. This facioun, Zelda telled to the seamestre, waere in hir treu hom wel loved. in hir time werd everichon patrons of bright hewes, in the shap of mucheron. Anou our hende seamestre set herte on these patrons copien, which sele to main happi persoune. Y seche after som for min on but ne coude nat an on yfinden."
Wortsworth's Take:
"Here we learn something about the fashion trends of that era. The story's catalyst is their Zelda tellng a tailor about the mushroom-patterned outfits becoming popular in her homeland. Intrigued, the tailor fashioned some clothing in that vein, and it caught on in ancient Hyrule. Do you know Cece from Hatenon Village? Imagine the look on her face if she were to find out! They say that trends go in cycles, but...I didn't expect mushroom patterns to have been in fashion so long ago! One last thing about the chamberlain...Her interests in fashion shows there was more to her than devoted service. She was just like anyone else in the kingdom."

1. An Ancient Ghost Story

"Of late have y herd it told a straunge ladi walkes around the castel in the derk of night. She ond princess Zelda semes ala twinnes two, but this on nadda ne light in hir eien--or als a ded thing than not. When She is asked about thes walkes, princesse Zelda of that ben no-thing remembren. What monstre, or spirit of darknesse, be this visioun? So afeard y am of min imagaenninges that I con nat slepen."
Wortsworth's Take:
This one is an ancient ghost story. My understanding of ancient Hyulean isn't perfect, but I know a ghost story when I see one. It's a firsthand account of a ghostly or maybe corpse-like woman who appeared each night looking just like their Zelda. No matter the era, it seems, people can't resist sharing a good ghost story. A bit like how there have been eyewitness accounts of our Princess Zelda in the newspaper, even though she's missing...Could our Zelda be a ghost too? No...of course not."

1. For the Hero's Sake

"Sith hire founding has Hyrule swich hardshippe ysene, but that is onli smale moment of time. Mineru, the kynges elder suster, seyes of this kyngdom that hit ne mot nat awaren aye be ycaccht, nat evenforth fer futur. Princesse Zelda tells hire that this futur be wrat alredi, that a champion bith form t he skie comen. Bitwee the two, thei imaked to finden a wei this champion in that distaunt time to helpen. Her min treuthe, sogte thei to up-reisen the Temple of Time, into the skie to warden hit onyenes ivil. Al dyden so in fer distauntdai, our kingdo mighte b e safed. In min herte y woot y helpen mot, ond y asked of Mineru, canst yow devyse the menes to upreisen in the skie thaes stane. Min wordes iseie nat enow, but thei thaes memorie safen, of the roial familie, heigh in the skie for that future time."
Wortswoth's Take
That one is all about the feats Zelda performed for the sake of the hero. The details are unclear, but essentially, the chamberlain trusted in Mineru and Zelda's predictions and wanted to help. She put forth the suggestion that could make her stone tablets float in the sky. Which I take it are the very tablets you foud, Link? But it doesn't end there. If my translation is correct, it suggests that their Zelda worked with Mineru to raise the Temple of Time into the sky! The idea of the Temple of Time--a grand edifice built in that ancient era--being lifted to the skies to await a hero...Althought given the appearance of the sky islands after the Upheavel, perhaps it's not so far-fetched as it seems. What must it have been life for the chamberlain to live through such miraculous times?"

1. The Day the Land Rose

"Swich wondrous sight y hav behelden that ne con hit nat justli be described. The Termple of Time y sawe, ond al londe yheld it, reise to the skie, both ferful ond majestatic. As princesse Zelda itold mi, in fer distaunt future comes a champion to that place, the hope that Hyrule safen. For that champion be hit that y thes grete stane inscriben. The kygnes elder suster, Mineru, sendes nou thes stane to the skie, that the champioun mount hem ireden."
Wortswoth's Take:
"This is an eyewitness account of the day the Temple of Time floated into the sky. It's a landmark discovery for the history of Hyrule. It may be one of the tip 10 most important discoveries of all time! Even among all the breathtaking displays of power, we knew of from the era, to raise the land and its buildings into the sky...That was a feat impressive even to those accustomed to wonders. Yon can tell as much from this account. Zelda predicted that a hero would appear in the land they raised into the sky and that he would save Hyrule. The chamberlain took this on faith and wanted to know how she could help. So she inscribed these records on the stone tablets that Mineru set into the sky. Give me a moment. I need to view these accounts as a historian and not get so swept up in personal sentiments...

1. A Parting Resolve

"Rauru, Hyrules kyng. Sonia, hir quen. His elder suster Mineru. Ond eek princesse Zelda. Al whom y served, ond loved. al whom thurghgon. Alon kerv y thes wordes yoin this stan. This stand, ond all thritene, serven als roial families recorde, min werk final, ful-wroht for al age. Mani the mark made bi thes much biloved peples--som eth-sene, som unsene. Whan y make remembraunce of hir markes, fele y flaume of hope, though ful small, within mi. Hit be als though thes markes som graunt design describen. I ne con nat met princesse Zelda hir love for hir londe. What mor than, ask y, can y, do for Hyrules peples. Let min lyf lede mi fro hennes-forth an answere ful-worthi to this questioun.'
Wortsworth's Take:
It seems this is the last of the records. The royals whom the chamberlain served so faithfully were gone, one by one...It's heartrending to read. Her pain comes across so clearly in her words. What's less clear from these entries is the cause of all these partings...Well, each new mystery is an opportunity to do more research. If I keep digging, someday I'll unravel it."
I'm curious who this chamberlain was, considering they took care of the royal family could it haven been a Sheikah of those times? Just speculating of course.