"Oh, Spy Fox? You're going to be busy on this rescue mission. Should I call the Spy Academy and tell them to cancel the weapons class you're going to teach?" "What? You're going to tell them that Spy Fox doesn't have class? They'll never believe you."
A spy working for Spy Corp, Spy Fox is one of several agents sent into the field to foil the schemes of supervillains, be they seeking to rid a certain food from the market, bring governments to their knees with an enormous robot dog, destroy the ozone layer so they can profit on incredibly strong sunscreen, or just thieves stealing cheese from a museum. Alongside the administrative help of Monkeypenny and the various gadgets of Professor Quack, Spy Fox inevitably saves the day while barely ever opening his eyes more than halfway or removing his hands from the pockets of his white suit.

Legend

1 - Spy Fox in: Dry Cereal
2 - Spy Fox 2: Some Assembly Required
3 - Spy Fox 3: Operation Ozone
CC - Spy Fox in: Cheese Chase
HtM - Spy Fox in: Hold the Mustard
Web - Spy Fox promotional content from the Humongous Entertainment website accessed through the Wayback Machine, accessible here

Strength

Striking

• Claims he normally karate chops doors open, but can't do it to one made of steel¹
• Knocks away a rhino and an elephant by spinning with skis as he passed them²
• Crumples the roof of a car by jumping onto it^CC

Lifting

• Lifts a large rooster over his head and swings him about¹
• Holds up a 'Really Big Award' at arms length³
• Holds an anvil, a safe, and an anchor at arm's length while falling¹
  • Also does this with a taxi cab and a small tank¹

Other

• Catches himself from falling with one hand before throwing himself into the air with that hand²
• Catches himself from falling by biting onto a platform³
• Ski jumps a great distance onto a passing plane²
• Unaffected by a net as he skis through it²

Durability

Blunt Force

• Is seemingly beaten up off-screen and thrown away¹
• Rides a rocket skateboard through a door³
• Launched through a ceiling, causing a large amount of clatter through other obstacles off-screen after²
• Repeatedly slammed against a table while having a massage²
• Bounces off of his head without reacting²
• Kicked high into the air by a robot and falls back to the ground¹
• Hit by a giant sticky object and is trapped to it while it bounces / rolls along with enough force to shatter stone pillars, before falling down the stone steps outside the temple³
• Repeatedly slammed by an enormous powder puff³

Falling

• Skis down a sheer surface, on a short roof, and along the ground without any reaction²
• Drops from a gyrocopter onto his scooter held within a dumpster^CC
• Jumps from cable car to the ground below, rolling down a hill as a snowball, before hitting the doorway of a cabin and emerging unharmed²
• Slides down a ladder from the mouth of a mech dog before jumping off at the end, landing unharmed²
• Falls down a great distance onto a caravan, crumpling it, and is unharmed^CC

Other

• Unaffected by his ice skates exploding while being worn²
• Gets whipped, folded into a paper airplane, and bundled into a ball while being given a massage²
• Blown back by sound without harm³

Speed

• Whisks his foot away before a snapping turtle can bite it¹
• Dodges a boxing glove defense system when the direction it would punch in wasn't clear until it fired²
• Dashes short distances quickly³
• In an instant runs from the Caped Cod, picks up a child fan, and runs back²
  • This is the distance he covered²
• Runs in the air to get back to land before falling in water¹

Skill

• Briefly juggles²
• Bowls a strike³
• Has the agility to flip about¹
• Balances on a tiny flying device²
• Flips a switch on the ground into his pocket²
• Somehow steals the remote for King Konglomerate's rocket while going straight from his ship to a lift into the rocket's room^HtM
• Using an instructional book, defeats a Cock-A-Doodle-Fu master with a counter move, then ties him up while holding him above his head¹
• Won the Spy Corp Freestyle Ski Jump Competition²
• Can dance the foxtrot, waltz, and tango²

Suit

• His suit has deep pockets, described as being able to hold 'a nearly unlimited number of items' in Operation Ozone³
  • Holds a small trash bag inside of it²
  • Pockets a jumpsuit¹
  • Pockets a frog suit, shown here in its full size worn by Spy Fox¹
  • Pockets a large venus fly trap and its pot, with some effort²
• One of his suits has a parachute in it¹

Spy Watch

• Allows him to contact and be contacted by Monkeypenny back at their mobile base¹
• Connects to a bug he placed in a cat's handbag as she speeds away in a sports car¹
• Records and sends a villain's monologue about his plan²
• Gets sent and stores coordinates¹
• Prints a three fruit code transmitted to it²
• Can play games²
• Also functions as a watch³

Spy Gadgets

Spy Fox can carry up to four of these at a time.
Combat-Focused

• The Spy Trap, a coin which traps explodes into a net to trap three or more enemies on the ceiling¹
  • Used here¹
• Sticky Stun Bun, which explodes to stun everyone within ten feet, "Leaving them dazed ad confused for weeks" according to the inventor³
  • Used here, sending the minions around it flying back into the air and trapping them against a wall with caramel³
• Bagpipes which spray a large amount of smoke. This smoke appears to have an adverse affect on people inhaling it, possibly stunning them, as Spy Fox dons a gas mask before walking through³

Wearables

• Duck Blind, a hat which renders the wearer invisible to ducks³
  • Used here, but it's destroyed after a period of use³
• Night Vision Shoe, a shoe that acts like night vision goggles¹
  • Used here¹
• Hush-Hush Moccasians, shoes which allow him to walk extremely quietly so even a room full of goons with 'oversized ears' don't notice him^Web
• Dehydrated Skis, a pair of skis inside a tiny pill which grow when put in water²
  • Used here²
• Spy Skates, a pair of ice skates which allow the user to perform any ice skating routine when their instructions are placed within the skates²
  • Used here, blowing up after use²
• Gopher Guise equipped with Extra-Strength Earth Moving Claws, letting him quickly dig through overhanging roots and caved in tunnels underground^Web
  • Is biodegradable^Web
• Suction Cufflinks, tiny suction cups for climbing across non-porous metal surfaces¹
  • Used here, increasing in size and letting Spy Fox climb across a sheer metal wall¹

Mechanical

• Alarm Deactivator, an elaborately described piece of equipment for ensuring alarms don't go off which is actually just two alligator clips connected by a wire²
  • Used here²
• Cheese and Safe Cracker Kit, which uses very scientific processes to determine the combination of a safe¹
  • Shown here¹
• Fingerprint Replicator Utensil Kit, a fork which copies the fingerprints of whoever wields it and sends them to the paired spoon²
  • Used here, working through a glove²
  • The spoon can be used on handprint identifying device²
• Spy Key Replicator Kit, a camera which takes a photo of a key, the photo being put into an oven to shrink and take the form of that key. If the wrong key is made, it can be inserted back into the camera and turned back into film, as it can only store one shot at a time²
  • Used here taking a photo, being baked, and the resultant key being used to open a door²
• Stealth Vac, a silent vacuum²
  • Used here, sucking liquid from a machine into it without alerting the supervillain right next to it²
  • Later blows the liquid into an identical machine equally quietly²
• Spy Toaster, which launches whatever spy is within it 20 feet into the air³
  • Used here³
• The Insta-Jack, a tiny red pill which turns into a hydraulic lift when thrown to the ground^Web
• The Artful Articulator device, which would allow him to understand a person muffled due to being trapped with cotton candy and maple syrup^Web
• Rocket Powered Origami Skateboard, which originally takes the form of a single piece of paper but with three simple steps folds into a skateboard propelled by a rocket with enough force to break a Spy Fox hole in a door³
  • Works over water, sending Spy Fox a great distance into the sky while going up a ramp, and has the wheels fall away to let him gently slide down a hill of sheep³
  • Crumples to nothing after a while³
• Spy Pearl Detector, which scans over a bed of oysters, the light on top flashing faster the closer it is to a pearl³
  • Used here, giving a camera view inside the oysters³
• Spy Bowling Ball, rolled towards a bowling pin to capture it and whatever's attached to it, bringing it back to Spy Fox³
  • Used here on a duck tied up to look like a bowling pin³

Destruction

• Laser Toothbrush and Minty Fresh Laser Gel, used together to cut through thick steel¹
  • Shown here, blowing up after use¹
• Termite Grenade, a grenade with termites for destroying a wooden object²
  • Used here, turning a wooden statue of a man to a large pile of dust in an instant²
• Rust Buster, a one-use spray can which makes whatever metal object it covers become rusted and brittle to the point of falling apart³
  • Used here, rusting four large saw blades and allowing Spy Fox to blow them away immediately after. Using it destroys the can³
• A drilling device made of extra-strength paper-mâché and coated with a hi-tech polymer, used to drill through multiple feet of ice^Web

Other

• Grappling Granny, a grappling hook which latches onto wood with a pair of false teeth³
  • Used here³
• Swiss Spy Knife, containing a fork, a toothpick, and a pair of chromium-alloy high tensile strength wire cutters that can cut through sheer metal³
  • The wire cutters easily snip through a steel net which the Swiss Spy Knife's fork snapped on³
• Spy Putty, used to create a perfect copy of whatever it's pressed against¹
  • Used to copy an invitation and get past a doorman after being inspected, when the original invitation had a golden edge, a wax seal, and was expensively embossed and hand written¹
• Beef Flavour X-Ray Gum which is held up against 'something beefy' to show inside it¹
  • Shown here¹
• Spy Heat, heat in a can²
  • Used here, making a giant thermometer read over 150 degrees Fahrenheit, but the can is destroyed after use²
• Canned Laughter, a grenade which fills the area its thrown into with laughter³
  • Used here³
• Handcuffs disguised as a large, frosty beverage^CC
• Hair growing cream^Web
• Extra-Glittery Ball o' Foil Stuffed with Catnip, an extra-glittery ball of foil stuffed with catnip used to distract a cat supervillain while syllables away from world domination^Web
• Spy Mint, a minty fresh mint which glows in the dark to light areas up, also working underwater³
  • Used here³
• Spy Ear, a glass which allows the user to listen through solid glass³
  • Used here³
• His organization used a device to create a smoke screen or mirage of a fake factory in front of every limburger cheese factory in the world, though it's unclear whether Spy Fox himself helped use it^Web

Pens

A variety of items potentially held within pens in the opening of Dry Cereal. He holds four in his suit pocket.

• Balloon filled with something that isn't helium¹
• A whoopie cushion which is thrown to the ground beneath him, allowing him to land without any injury¹
• A pogo stick, nullifying any harm from falling by landing on it, though it rockets back into the air once Spy Fox steps off¹
• A cake¹
• Fishing rod used to slow his descent by latching onto a nearby helicopter¹
• An anvil¹
• An anchor¹
• A safe¹
• A taxi cab¹
• A small tank¹

Other Items

• Owns Goldi-lock pickers, which he claims would let him easily open a locked metal door he'd find impossible to unlock without²
• A digital make up compact intercepted by Spy Corp, which displays the required response to a stated codephrase when the appropriate section is pushed down³
• A jackhammer, a crowbar, and a blowtorch³
• A rabbit and his Spy Corp I.D.³
• An oven glove²
• A Gyrocopter, flown by him and Professor Quack with a spotlight^CC

Spy Car

A car with a variety of functions driven in Dry Cereal and Operation Ozone.
Physicals

• Bounces off from a fall¹
• Drops from Spy Corp's mobile base after being repaired³
  • The distance it fell³
• Can drive between continents in a short span of time. Exactly how it does this is unclear, but it's seen dropping from the sky and driving directly vertically³
  • How long this takes also isn't known, but multiple trips to all continents is required and the game takes place over the course of several hours³

Forms

• Becomes a jet to fly off¹
  • Takes a similar form to boost himself up and across a gap¹
• Becomes a helicopter¹
• Becomes a boring machine with a drill appearing from the front, creating a tunnel through rocks blocking off a road¹
• Turns into a submarine, complete with periscope, before jumping out of the water¹
  • A similar form which just withdraws the wheels and creates propellers from the back³

Other Equipment

• A long arm to pick up and drop off Spy Fox¹
  • Rescues a falling Spy Fox using this³
• Inflates padding beneath it after falling off a cliff¹
• A parachute¹
• A radar which follows a trail left by another spy¹

Super Duper Spy Scooter

A multi-environment scooter which is initially stored within a dumpster before being used throughout Cheese Chase.^CC
Physicals

• Breaks wooden barriers by riding through them^CC
• Shatters fences by driving into them^CC
• Rides through barrels, shattering them^CC
• Badly dents metal pipes by hitting them^CC
• Knocks other vehicles about^CC
• Travels over whirlpools, just making the scooter spin a bit^CC
• Covers a notable distance after riding up a ramp^CC
• Quickly drives down a building and speeds from it into the foreground^CC

Forms

• Shifts from a land scooter to a speedbike^CC
• Turns from a jet ski to a snowmobile^CC
• Goes from being a snowmobile to a jet flying through the air^CC
• Transforms between its flying and scooter forms^CC

Weapons

• Can pick up from crates and fire forwards plungers, pies, and two bananas simultaneously. All of these are capable of the same strength feats^CC
• Topples over quad bikes^CC
• Sinks a small enemy ship^CC
• Buries twin tread snowmobiles^CC
• Takes down larger snowmobiles with a front ski and two large back treads, burying them in the snow^CC
• Shoots similar jets out of the sky^CC

M.E.S.S.

The Multiple Environment Spy Ship, a mobile ship Spy Fox uses to fly around in Hold the Mustard.
Blaster
The main weapon, capable of destroying large robots with a single blast.^HtM With a significant amount of blasts, it can destroy:

• A large metal transmitter^HtM
• A significant amount of stone^HtM
• The front of an airship^HtM
• The enormous metal jaw of a ship^HtM

Power Ups

• Homing missiles^HtM
• A shorter range blast which releases a burst of red energy around it, destroying all nearby robots^HtM
• Makes the ship invincible for a period, capable of running through robots without injury but still risking damage and destruction from walls^HtM
• One token fully heals the M.E.S.S.^HtM
• Extra lives^HtM

Other

• Highly maneuverable^HtM
• Bashes off of walls, but takes damage^HtM
• Can travel underwater, using air instead of fuel, which replenishes on breaching the surface^HtM
• Through booster rockets, can travel to and fly about in space^HtM
• Refuels by flying through floating gates^HtM
• On the ship's destruction, ejects Spy Fox in a floating capsule^HtM
• Had an upgrade, the Super M.E.S.S., which repeatedly bashes against a force field with seemingly no injury, has enough space for multiple agents, and is equipped with a can opener to cut open a space base³

Other

• Translates hieroglyphics from an ancient language, though what they translate to is rather self-evident¹
• Doesn't shift gears in his cars while in pursuit of bad guys because he can't be bothered with that sort of thing³
• Quickly changes outfits¹
  • Literally throws on and tears off a diving suit³
• Disguises himself as a tumbleweed, using it as cover to getting into the middle of an area without being seen and letting it blow off without him after³
• Is a terrible secret agent³
  • I mean seriously, he just tells everyone what he is³
  • This isn't even a spy thing in this universe, a Canadian spy tells him to cut out using her name too often²
  • He even was presented the highest award the President of the United States could give to him in a highly publicized and reported event, isn't that the exact opposite of what he should want¹
  • Even some slight competency stops him from foiling the villain's plans due to how he announces himself first how is this guy still hired³

"So Spy Fox, what's your next step?" "That's an excellent question. I'm already pretty good at the foxtrot, the waltz, and the tango, but I've always wanted to learn how to swing." "Hmm...how fortunate to the world that your crime fighting is better than your sense of humour."

I admire your luck, Mr...?
Bond. James Bond.

Special Agent 007, James Bond is the star agent of MI6. Always cool under pressure and licensed to kill, James is sent to infiltrate enemy organizations and destroy them from the inside. Over the decades, James Bond has gone from serious to campy and back again, but always manages to get the job done through wit, physical ability and superior equipment.
Bond generally wields a sidearm with lethal efficiency, along with a number of incredible gadgets developed by the geniuses at Q Branch. With his remarkable physical ability and ever-changing bag of tools, there isn't an international crime organization that Bond has failed to take down. The only thing that could possible distract Bond are his own vices: women or booze, both of which have gotten one over on him in the past.
James Bond Respect Threads by Actor
Sean Connery- 1962 to 1967, once more in 1971. Physically strong, numerous gadgets disguised as everyday items. Adept in traditional spy skills, like infiltration and observation.
George Lazenby- Once in 1969. Very similar to Connery in his craftiness, skilled specifically in winter sports.
Roger Moore- 1973 to 1985. Downright campy, making use of almost cartoonish skills that actually work in-universe. Skilled driver and pilot with a variety of gadgets.
Timothy Dalton- 1987 to 1989. Colder and more quick to become violent than the others. Usually carries a firearm and a lethal gadget to kill enemies.
Pierce Brosnan- 1995 to 2002. Best variety of gadgets of any Bond. Great feats of endurance and athletic ability.
Daniel Craig- 2006 to 2021. The most realistic Bond, yet has some of the most impressive physical abilities in any of the movies. Low variety of gadgets, but excels in gunfights.
Hover over a feat to see the film it’s from. Additionally, the name of any gif on Gfycat contains the last name of the actor that accomplished it.

Physicals

You have a nasty habit of surviving.
Well, you know what they say about the fittest.

Strength
Striking

• Breaks a wooden board with a downward strike
• Tackles a man through two bathroom stalls
• Barrels through a temporary construction wall
• Punches through drywall and wood to access a hidden room

Lifting/Throwing

• Picks up and throws a chair at a man, knocking him out
• Fights off an attacker with a couch
• Picks up and slides a man across a table
• Tosses a chain onto a low-flying helicopter to cause it to crash
• Holds a man above a ledge by the hair

Grip

• When he’s held underwater by two women, Bond surfaces and holds both of them underwater with one hand each
• Holds onto a small plane while the pilot tries to shake him off
• Catches a rope on a blimp and holds on even after it rises high into the air
• Holds onto the top of a speeding car, even when the driver attempts to shake him off
• Avoids falling out of a plane’s airlock by grabbing onto some netting
• Holds onto the outside of a moving seaplane, even after the pilot attempts to shake him off
• Holds onto the bottom of an elevator car as it rises up a skyscraper

Pushing

• With one other guy, Bond rolls this large concrete column
• Knocks over a large bookshelf

Other

• After being buried in snow by an avalanche, Bond climbs out and is relatively okay about a minute later
• Wrestles with a large constricting snake before killing it with a poison injector

Endurance
Blunt Force

• Keeps fighting after getting a wooden chair broken over his back
• Stays conscious after strikes from Oddjob
  • Oddjob RT
• Fights on through hits with a fireplace poker
• Jumps from a bridge to a passing boat, falling through the roof and onto a wedding cake
• While hanging onto a blimp, he’s smacked into the Golden Gate Bridge and quickly starts climbing up
• He’s knocked down a ladder, but recovers by the time he gets to the bottom rung
• Continues fighting Stamper after a number of blows to the face
• Falls from a low hot air balloon onto a domed structure, and he recovers by grabbing some nearby cables
  • Bond suffered a dislocated collarbone after this fall, however
• When jumping off a low crane, Bond stumbles, falling into a metal air vent. He’s up and running moments later.
• Recieves cock and ball torture by Le Chiffre’s rope, at first barely responding, then laughing in his torturer’s face
• Falls one or two stories onto the top of a bus, but gets up quickly
• Fights on after being hit across the back with a metal pipe four times
• Keeps fighting through repeated strikes from Hinx, like getting thrown into walls or getting thrown through thin walls
  • Mr. Hinx Respect Thread found here
• [Limit] Has a recurring weakness to blunt force trauma to the back of the head

Piercing/Cutting

• Keeps running despite being shot in the calf
  • He’s later seen patching up his calf in the bathroom, so he was definitely hit by a bullet
• Keeps fighting after being cut across the chest and being shot up by a nail gun
• Gets shot in the shoulder by a handgun, but operates mostly unimpeded

Other

• Resists being garroted long enough to grab a knife, stabbing his attacker and turning the garrote wire back on him
• Takes over 12 Gs of force before destroying the machine with an armor-piercing dart
  • Real-life astronauts are typically trained to withstand up to 9 Gs of force.
• Gets electrocuted with a gauntlet that can output 100,000 volts, which leaves him writhing in pain but conscious
  • Scene describing the electrical weapon, where the 100,000 volt figure is from
• Bond is shot by a sniper rifle and falls off a high bridge into water. After three months, Bond is mostly physically able again, although his aim is more noticeably affected.
• Endures having a small surgical drill bore into the back of his skull and into the part of the brain that deals with recognition, seemingly to no negative neurological effect

Agility
Movement

• Chases down an assassin, tackling him
• Takes a running jump up to a rising platform
• Catches up to an aircraft taking off on the runway
• Runs and jumps into a closing metal door
• Catches up to an airplane during takeoff, jumping into the plane through the landing gear
• Catches up to a fleeing truck on a runway, although it obviously hasn’t accelerated to full speed
• Escapes a CIA squad with just a moment's warning
• Runs away from a fireball caused by a house-sized explosion

Reflexes

• While on the ground, he dodges katana swings
• Dodges a thrown knife, then pulls it out of the wood behind him to kill the assassin
• Dodges a dune buggy at close range
• Evades shotgun fire from a pursuer
• Evades rifle fire, then shoots the enemy gunman
• Evades handgun fire with a roll, then avoids some distant machine gun fire
• Dodges a harpoon underwater
• When a man attempts to shoot Bond’s knees from nearly point blank range, Bond moves his legs to avoid the shots
• Uses an enemy to block gunfire
• While sitting in the passenger seat, Bond grabs the driver’s arm before they can shoot him
• Rolls away from an incendiary grenade’s detonation moments after noticing it

Combat Skill

Problem solver?
More of a problem eliminator.

Unarmed Combat
Quick Knock Outs

• Judo flips an attacker, then punches him
• Dispatches a guard with a neck strike
• Silently KOs a man, then steals his equipment to blend in with a scuba crew
• KOs a guard with a judo chop
• Stealthily KOs a guard from behind cover
• Knocks a man out with one kick to the head
• Ends an attempted fistfight with an elbow and then slamming the man on a table
• Knocks out a man by slamming him into the walls of an elevator twice
• Punches a guy out in two strikes
• Consistently one-punches goons
• From a sprint, Bond jumps and kicks a man in the face to knock him out

Against Individuals

• Breaks a hold from behind by a man who wrestles alligators
• Fights evenly with Grant in a train car, with both men getting in hits before Grant begins garroting Bond with a concealed wire
  • Grant is a trained Russian assassin who no-sells strikes to the stomach with brass knuckles
• Sweeps Pussy Galore to the floor, then reverses her judo throw attempt
• Wrestles with Hans before flipping him into a piranha pond
• Flips a man with judo throws twice
• Defeats a strong, tough guy in the hotel
• Has an awesome fistfight with a heavyset henchman, ending with Bond punching him off a rooftop
• Fights an assassin while dangling outside of a moving plane
• Has an extended fistfight with Alec Trevylyn, former agent 006, ending with Alec grabbing a handgun to hold Bond at gunpoint
• During a fight, he breaks a man’s arm, then punches him off a ledge
• Brawls with a martial artist on the outside of a crane

Against Multiple Attackers

• Knocks out six men when fleeing on a rooftop
• Starts thrashing technicians until one pulls a gun
• Defeats four guards in hand-to-hand combat
• Knocks out two attackers who ambushed him
• Drops about four men in a bar fight
• While handcuffed, Bond knocks out four surrounding MI6 agents in an elevator
• Drops two guards with one strike each

Against Armed Attackers

• Kicks away a gunman's gun, then beats him up in the ocean
• Disarms an armed woman with one hand
• While unarmed, Bond fights with a knife-wielding villain, with Bond disarming him and tackling him into water
• Disarms a woman and puts her in a painful armhold
• Disarms a gunman and knocks him down some stairs
• Has an extended fight with a man with a machete while in a confined space. Bond himself was unarmed, although he did ball up his jacket to block some strikes.
• Takes out a CIA riot officer with an elbow to the face
• While completely unarmed, defeats a man wielding an axe, even tricking him into slicing his own foot
• Brawls with an assassin armed with a sniper rifle before dropping him out of a skyscraper
• Intentionally breaks the ice on a frozen lake to bring a gunman down into the water, then Bond chokes him to death with his leg

With Weapons
Blades

• Kills a man with his own knife in one maneuver
• In just a few moves, Bond defeats a henchman in a machete fight, throwing him into a container full of snakes
• Steals a man’s knife, then pins his tie to a nearby counter
• Swordfights with a trained fencer, eventually switching to broadswords, where Bond draws first blood from the torso
• While being held at knifepoint, Bond turns and kills the man with his own knife after a struggle

Blunt Objects

• Breaks a man’s neck with a fireplace poker
• Disarms a diver, then uses the harpoon gun to shatter their goggles
• Using an oar, Bond fights off a man with a large hook
• Uses a ski to knock a man off of a cliff, then kills another man after a struggle
• While unarmed, Bond is attacked by an assassin with a knife, but manages to kill the assassin with a pair of scissors
• Spots an attacker in the reflection of a bronze decoration, then uses the decoration to bludgeon them
• Fights off four men who were beating him with a bat moments before, making heavy use of furniture and blunt items

Unorthodox Items

• Defeats three men in the confined space of a cockpit
• Throws flammable alcohol onto an assassin, igniting him
• Beats down a guard with a door, then five strikes
• Takes out two motorcycle-riding assassins with a long plank of wood
• Uses a ski pole to set a trap for a motorbike-riding assassin
• Knocks out a prison guard while handcuffed, at one point using the cuffs on the man's face
• Defeats two men in a crumbling building, using exposed wiring and a nail gun to dispatch them

Environment Focused

• Brawls with an assassin in a hotel room before throwing him into a bathtub and knocking a fan into the water, electrocuting him
• Kills Oddjob by using exposed electrical wiring on a metal cage that Oddjob was touching
• Tricks Jaws into hitting a wood column, knocking a wooden structure over himself
• Brawls with Jaws atop a cable car
• Fights off three hockey player assassins in a hockey rink, taking one out with the zamboni
• Judo throws a goon onto a bed of spikes
• While pinned to a wooden door by knives, he opens the door and kills an assassin with one of the knives
• Smacks a henchman with a plane’s antenna, throwing him off the plane
• Tosses maggots at a gunman, then knocks him out and judo throws him into the maggots
• Bond drags a guard into water and drowns him
• Bond ties a rope around Mr. Hinx’s neck and attaches it to a weight, then kicks that weight off the train to pull Hinx away

Accuracy

You wouldn’t kill me. You’d miss me.
I never miss.

Pistols

• Grabs Goldfinger’s gun and fires on an airplane window, sucking the villain out of the plane
• Shoots a gunman despite their being behind a column for cover
• Right after waking up, he shoots a ninja in the dark
• Poses as a wax figure and shoots Scaramanga
• Shoots three soldiers with his Walther P5, two of them being headshots
• Accurately hits a gunman from a moving speedboat
• Shoots a gunman through a wooden floor
• Uses a human shield to block bullets, then returns fire, killing a gunman
• Turns and fires on a man before he can fire
• Shoots a man while hanging upside-down by the leg
• Disarms and shoots two policemen
• Disarms the man holding him at gunpoint, then kills four other armed men in seconds
• Shoots two fire extinguishers to obscure the room and allow hostages to safely escape
• While handcuffed and at gunpoint, Bond steals the gun to shoot his captors

Against Vehicles

• Uses the Walther PPK to shoot out a dune buggy’s front tire
• Fires a Taurus PT92 into the engine of an oncoming Jeep, disabling it
• From a speedboat, Bond accurately hits a helicopter’s engine enough with a handgun to cause it to crash

Rifles/Submachine Guns

• Using a sniper rifle, Bond shoots a man in a helicopter, causing him to drop his grenade inside
• Fires a rifle, killing three goons, while sliding down a bannister
• Kills at least 8 men with a submachine gun in a short timeframe
• Turns around and shoots a gunman before he can kill his hostage. Note that Bond turns and fires right after the gunman receives orders to kill the hostage.
• Spots a sneaking soldier dressed in black and kills him with a rifle
• Fires on a guard before the guard can fire his weapon
• From a speeding hovercraft, Bond hits small land mines to detonate them on his pursuers
• Uses a Sa vz. 58 Compact to escape Blofeld’s facility, killing nearly a dozen guards, even at extreme range

Other Firearms

• Turns and immediately shoots a harpoon gun, killing a stealthy assassin
• Takes out a distant sniper by firing a shotgun
• Accurately shoots a sniper’s rifle with his own, rather than kill her
• Escapes a crowd of divers by stealing a harpoon gun and firing it into a nearby seaplane, pulling himself away

Non-Firearm Accuracy

• Throws three scalpels into a man’s arm and chest
• Throws a knife into a specific date on a calendar from across a room
• When the auto-targeting system fails, Bond manually shoots down a capsule full of viruses with a laser cannon
• Kills a man with a climbing spike

Other Skills

I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
You always were a cunning linguist, James.

Athletics

• Dives off an oil rig into the ocean below
• Avoids machine gun fire while skiing
• Continues skiing after losing a ski
• While skiing, Bond jumps and twists to smack two gunmen with his skis
• Goes rock climbing on a nearly vertical rock wall
• Temporarily outswims the pull of an industrial fan before destroying it with his air tank
• Performs a HALO jump into water, then immediately begins scuba diving
• Swims outside of a submarine, scaling the surface until he can re-enter the vessel on the other side. He had to hold his breath for almost two minutes while scaling the outside of the submarine.
• Infiltrates North Korea by simply surfing onto the coast of the country
• Parasurfs off a collapsing iceberg
• Leaps from a crashing plane, catching up to his partner and using her parachute to save them both

Driving/Piloting
Driving

• Weaves around a parking lot, causing a dozen cop cars to crash into themselves, walls or parked cars
• Briefly drives on two wheels to slip through a narrow alley
• Drifts a double decker bus, causing a couple cops to crash their motorcycles
• Jumps over a river in a car using a broken bridge as a ramp
• While driving, he knocks over barrels onto enemies, then drives on two wheels to block bullets
• Drives a car over a ramp, onto a bus, then back to ground level

Piloting Aircraft

• Picks up a villain's wheelchair with a helicopter, then drops him into a smokestack
• Avoids a heat-seeking missile while piloting a small plane, redirecting it into an enemy hangar
• Dodges a stinger missile by driving a semi-truck on only the left hand wheels
• Starts a helicopter in midair and lands safely
• While flying a much less maneuverable plane, Bond tricks a fighter jet into crashing into a mountainside by producing smoke from a damaged engine
• Ejects a pilot from a helicopter, then pulls the helicopter out of freefall

Other

• Jumps a speedboat over a small patch of land
• Drifts a tank, then drives through a building to cause untold property damage

Traversal

• Performs a front flip off a ledge
• Traverses a ski lift wire with nothing more than a pair of mittens
• Traverses the underside of an oil rig by swinging on a rope, then walking a tightrope
• Jumps on the back of a couple alligators to escape a swamp
• Swings on vines like Tarzan to escape pursuers
• Traverses the side of a moving train
• Uses a long pole to safely travel down a building, then releases the pole to smack a pursuing officer
• Performs a combat roll down stairs to avoid handgun fire
• Runs up a crane to reach the top of a building under construction
• Climbs up a vertical I-beam
• From the top of a moving truck, Bond runs and flips through the open windshield
• Jumps down a story onto stone, rolling to avoid impact damage

Stealth

• Uses a hollow reed to hide underwater from guards and dogs
• Hides in plain sight by pretending to be making out, but it’s actually just his own arms wrapped around himself
• Evades a crowd of police
• Lowers his heart rate to trick medical staff and an EKG, then dispatches the staff and escapes the hospital
• Broke into M’s house to use her computer

Other

• [Observation] Notices an attacker in the reflection of a woman’s eye, then uses her as a human shield to block a strike
• [Foreign Language] Learned several Asian languages at Cambridge
• [Alcoholism] Can tell the temperature of alcohol after one sip
• [Deception] Poses as a genealogist under the pseudonym Sir Hillary Bray. After a few days, Blofeld sees through the ruse and has Bond captured.
• [Underwater] Ties a boat to a large rock with the rope he’s bound in, causing the boat to break the rope, freeing Bond
• [Sleight of Hand] Switches out a priceless Faberge egg for a fake copy
• [Animal Commanding] Commands a wild tiger to sit, and it actually listens
• [Gambling] Wins a quarter of a million dollars at a high stakes gambling table
• [Invention] Descends a tall building with some rope and an unconscious body
• [Seduction] Seduces a married woman to learn more about her husband’s criminal activity
• [Preparation] Puts shotgun shells under the floorboards in order to fire on intruders when they step on them
• [Observation] Identifies a hidden door based on a tiny sliver of light through the crack

Equipment

Right, now pay attention 007. I want you to take great care of this equipment. There are one or two rather special accessories.
Q, have I ever let you down?
Frequently.

Weapons
Firearms

• Carries a Walther PPK, a discreet pistol with excellent stopping power
• A collapsible Armalite AR-7 sniper rifle with an infrared sight, allowing for use in the dark
• Bond carries a S&W model 29 revolver in early Moore films, then later switches to his iconic Walther PPK, then, finally, uses the Walther P5
• Carries a very small firearm, the Beretta 950 Jetfire
• Has a firearm disguised as a camera. Additionally, the device is programmed to Bond’s own palm signature, meaning only he can fire the weapon.
  • The camera gun can be outfitted with a scope and tripod for long range fire
• A suppressed UMP-9, used to fire on Mr. White’s leg at range
• A Walther PPK with a palm-print sensor coded to Bond’s hand, meaning only he can fire it
  • Sure enough, when someone else tries to use it, it just doesn’t fire
• A heavily modified Glock 17, with laser sight and microphone attachment

Other

• A combat knife
• A projectile launcher disguised as a cigarette, gifted to Bond by a ninja master
• A grenade disguised as a ballpoint pen
  • By tossing the grenade pen into a pool of fuel, an explosion and destructive fire is formed
• A grenade disguised as a lighter
• A flashbang explosive disguised as a handgun, used to stun three gunmen, allowing Bond to dispatch them

Gadgets
Mobility

• A grappling gun and cord that attaches to his pants, allowing him to scale the outside of a skyscraper
  • Can be outfitted with metal projectiles and used as a firearm instead
• Briefly wore a ninja outfit with suction cups on the palms and knees, used to scale down metal walls
• Flies away from a fight with a jetpack
• A belt with a hidden high-tensile cord, enough to support Bond’s own weight
  • Using the belt cord, Bond swings Spider-Man-style across a room and out a window

Reconnaissance/Infiltration

• A small explosive, used to blow a lock off a cell door
• Has a small safe-cracking device disguised as a cigarette case
• Special glasses to see through tinted glass
• Photocopier disguised as a checkbook
• A digital skeleton key disguised as a gift card
• Binoculars built into a pair of glasses
• Sunglasses with built in X-ray vision, allowing Bond to detect concealed weapons and see through women’s clothing
• A powerful camera, used to identify the faces of high profile criminals with just a few pixels
• A cell phone that acts as a fingerprint scanner, a powerful taser and as a remote control for a BMW

Continued in Comments

This thread is for individual style questions that you may have, especially those that don't warrant their own thread. We all want a diversified opinion, so feel free to answer any questions (of which you know the answer).
To get the best responses, please include any relevant details such as your budget, where you live, and what stores are available to you.
Example questions:

• Are there any basic crewneck white t-shirts that are opaque and do not have cap sleeves for <$25 available in Australia?
• Is this dress and shoes suitable for an evening wedding with a cocktail dress code taking place in a [venue type]?
• If I like the outfits in this [imgur album / pinterest board], what are some specific items I can look into to start dressing like that, and brands with this look that carry plus sizes?
• Does this outfit look neater with the pants cuffed or uncuffed?

If you'd like to include a picture, you can now post pictures directly in the comments, without having to link an imgur album.

Your place to talk about anything fitness shopping and style. Whether you want to ask where to buy the best gym leggings or most supportive sports bra, which shoes or belt to get for your favorite activities, the latest on headsets and sports watches, how many times you should wash your hair when you're working out lots, how to deal with body odor, any skincare questions, or how to stop your makeup running when you sweat through a spin class. This thread can include photos of you in your favorite fitness outfits, or requests to find the perfect app, playlist, or fitness technology so you can kill your workouts.
We also allow sharing promotion codes and sales for fitness-related stuff, keeping in mind that our rules on self-promotion and affiliate links still apply.

ISO/WANT:

• 65 4K
• 80 for Brady HD
• Alice, Darling HD
• Avatar: The Way of Water 4K
• Bones and All HD
• Breaking Bad: S2, S3, S4
• Champions HD
• Devotion HD
• Don't Worry Darling 4K
• Dungeons & Dragons 4K
• John Wick: Chapter 4 4K
• Knock at the Cabin 4K
• Marcel the Shell With Shoes On 4K
• Missing HD
• Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre 4K
• The Outfit HD
• Plane HD
• Puss in Boots: The Last Wish 4K
• Shazam! Fury of the Gods 4K
• The Super Mario Bros. 4K
• Three Thousand Years of Longing 4K
• Women Talking 4K/HD
• The Whale HD
• Vudu Credits
• New, old, or rare titles
• Lists
• NOT CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR UNIVERSAL REWARDS, SONY BUFF PASS, BOURNE, DISNEY, MARVEL, FAST AND FURIOUS, HUNGER GAMES, JACK RYAN, JURASSIC PARK, MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, STAR TREK, STAR WARS, OR TRANSFORMERS MOVIES, UNLESS LISTED UNDER MY ISO LIST

 
 
FOR TRADE/OFFERING:
Newly added movies are in bold.
 
MA

• 8 Mile HD (MA Split)
• All My Life HD
• Bad Times at the El Royale 4K
• Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons 4K
• Batman Year One 4K
• Bram Stoker's Dracula 4K
• The Breakfast Club HD
• Bridge of Spies HD (MA Split)
• Captain Fantastic HD (iTunes or Vudu)
• Chef HD (iTunes Only)
• The Devil Wears Prada HD
• Edward Scissorhands HD
• Elf 4K
• The Finest Hours HD (MA Split)
• Garfield (2004) HD
• Ghostbusters 4K
• Ghostbusters 2 4K
• Ghostbusters: Afterlife 4K
• Ghostbusters: Answer The Call 4K
• Good Boys HD
• Heat 4K
• The Incredible Hulk HD
• Iron Man: Rise of Technovore HD
• To Kill A Mockingbird 4K
• King Kong 4K
• Kingsglaive Final Fantasy XV 4K
• Kingsman: The Golden Circle HD (Redeem in iTunes for 4K)
• Last Night in Soho 4K
• Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile HD
• Mortal Engines 4K
• Need for Speed HD (Redeems in GP)
• Nightmare Alley 4K (Full Code)
• The Northman 4K
• The Prestige 4K (Full Code)
• Spider-Man: Homecoming HD
• Spider-Man: Far From Home HD
• Spider-Man: No Way Home HD
• Training Day 4K
• Underwater HD
• Underworld: Blood Wars 4K

Vudu

• 80 For Brady HD (or iTunes 4K)
• The Adventures of Tintin HD (Vudu or iTunes Split)
• Annihilation 4K (Vudu or iTunes Split)
• American Psycho (Uncut) 4K
• American Underdog 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Anomalisa HD (Vudu or iTunes Split)
• Beverly Hills Cop 2 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Boyhood HD (Vudu or iTunes Split)
• Chaos Walking 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Collateral 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• The Evil Dead Double Feature 4K
• G.I. Joe Origins: Snake Eyes 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Glengarry Glen Ross HD
• The Godfather 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Highlander 4K
• House of the Dragon 4K
• Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Infinite HD (or iTunes 4K)
• Jason Statham 4-Film Collection - WaCrank/Crank 2/Transporter 3 HD
• Knives Out 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• L.A. Story HD
• Lion HD
• Murder on the Orient Express (1974) HD (or iTunes HD)
• Pulp Fiction HD (or iTunes 4K)
• The Punisher 4K
• The Running Man 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Scream (1996) 4K (or iTunes 4K)
• Sicario 4K (Vudu or iTunes Split)
• Sinister HD (Vudu Split)
• St. Vincent HD
• Titanic HD (Vudu or iTunes Split)
• Trainspotting HD (Vudu expired/US GP works)
• Under the Skin HD (A24)
• The Warriors HD (or iTunes HD)
• Wayne's World HD (or iTunes 4K)
• Woman in Gold HD
• World War Z HD (Vudu Split)

Disney/Marvel (All are split codes unless otherwise indicated. Assume there are no points.)

• 101 Dalmations HD (Full Code)
• The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad HD (MA)
• Aladdin (1992) HD (GP)
• Ant-Man and the Wasp 4K (Full Code)
• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever HD (GP)
• Cars 2 HD (GP)
• The Incredibles 4K (Full Code)
• Lightyear HD (GP)
• McFarland HD (GP)
• Monsters University 4K (Full Code)
• Mulan (1998) HD (GP)
• Sword in the Stone HD (GP)
• Thor: The Dark World 4K (Full Code)
• Toy Story HD (GP)
• Toy Story 4 HD (GP)
• Wall-E HD (GP)
• West Side Story 4K (Full Code)
• Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Year HD (Full Code)

Do you have a go to formula or a go to outfit you pack when the trip warrants a formal outfit? Always pack a dress? A blouse/slacks combo you swear by? I’m interested in hearing about any outfits that you would consider formal and work well with one bag. (Bonus for plus size considerations.)
Husband and I are going to England late September. The plan was to be very casual (just us, tourist stuff, visit friends, relax) but now we’ll be attending 3 formal events while there. My husband is bringing a single suit and I’m bringing…? Events are an evening reception at a Michelin restaurant (listed as formal on invitation), a 40th anniversary party at a private club (reached out for dress code, not listed on invite), and (more business) evening dinner with academic colleagues on an international collaborative grant. We will see some people at multiple events and I’ll have access to an iron beforehand.
I’m okay with wearing the same item or a variation for all three events. Right now, I’m leaning towards a dress but would love to skip packing heels so also thought about dress slacks and a lovely over the top vintage silk blouse and leaning heavy on accessories. I thought about renting something and delivering it to my friends place, but the size and fit unpredictability makes me reluctant to go that route. Same goes for mailing to myself before we leave. Bag will be either Tom Bihn Synik 30 or Aeronaut 30.
I’m looking for inspiration and your thoughts!

hello guys. today i went to a birthday party and i didn’t imagine that it would turn out THAT horrible for me.
there was a dress code and i had no clue so i showed up looking really out of place and i was so scared that the host would be mad and i apologised of course but i was still very ashamed. i didn’t want to stand up i only wanted to sit at my seat so that people wouldn’t really see my outfit but obviously that wasn’t working cuz we did quite a few activities!
i felt like all eyes were on me judging me for my stupid mistake of thinking that im disrespectful for not following the dress code.
i was sitting at the table with people my age and they all knew each other since they visit the same school and they mostly talked about their school and friends so i couldn’t really participate i just listened to their conversations.
we took pictures and omg i looked so out of place in all of them i felt horrible and ugly and was scared that everyone would think that im ugly. we played some volleyball after but i kept messing up because i was so nervous.
when it was time to dance i hide myself in the bathroom and took a 5 minute break from everything and everyone. i felt so pathetic.
when i looked at the insta profiles of some of the guests my age i felt such a fear of missing out. these people were living their life’s and im just constantly hiding in a corner. they have so many friends and they go out THEY DO STUFF!!! i admit i jealous and i felt angry at myself for not being more like them. i am missing out from life because i fear. that’s scaring me
everyone was nice of course but my stupid mind ruins everything with all these stupid worries i have with all the stupid unrealistic scenarios i create and ruined my evening.
in the end i couldn’t enjoy anything and felt like a freak. im genuinely really sad right now.

Tyler was the kindest, most gentle Human on the station. He didn't get angry- not often, at least- and usually when he did, he was more likely to burst into tears than become aggressive. Making him cry was considered about the worst thing you could do to him.
He worked as a janitor, which meant he had a solid knowledge of the station, how it operates, and how to maintain it. While the engineers were overall good at keeping things working, Tyler made sure everything was up to standard.
Everyone adored him for his kindness, his sensitivity, and his ability to keep things in confidence- to the point where a given individual was more likely to face the wrath of others if they tried to coerce him into giving up a secret.
It was why when he was shot by the raiding party, that everyone was instantly demoralized.
The raiders were Gratari, scavengers who stole FTL technology from a pair of foolish missionaries looking to spread their faith. They trawled the cosmos, taking anything they could get their hands on, you were lucky if they killed you.
They chose to take the station's inhabitants as slaves.
Nobody was in a state to pay attention to their fallen friend, seeing him in that state only brought more pain than it was worth, and the Gratari certainly didn't give two shits about a corpse. It was why nobody noticed the body was gone, nor did they notice the trail of blood leading into the ventilation system.
Space stations have many kinds of failsafes, exosuits are coded to respond to emergency alerts immediately, so when their magnetic shoes suddenly activated, and the environmental protections triggered, they understood something was about to happen.
The Gratari didn't have a moment to consider what was going on, because the airlock opened, exposing the station to the vacuum of space. The Gratari, neither prepared for sudden exposure to a vacuum, nor outfitted with standard magnetic insoles as the artificial gravity was disabled, were swept up along the whirlwind that sought to vent them into space. some grabbed hold of their captors, screaming as they desperately sought to stay alive just a little longer.
When the depressurization was over, all that remained of the Gratari were floating corpses with bloodshot eyes staring fearfully at the still-living station employees.
The airlock was sealed, the gravity returned, and breathable air vented into the depressurized room. Once equilibrium was reestablished, Tyler's voice came in over the intercom.
"Hey, so, uh, I'm bleeding out over here in the bridge. Got a medpatch on, but all it's doing is stopping the worst of it. Can I get a medic in here?"
After Tyler was patched up, and the ballistic round removed from his body, the crew asked him how he- sweet, gentle Tyler- was capable of killing all of the Gratari in such a brutal fashion.
Tyler's response was to vomit, and while shaking like a dried up leaf on a winter morning, simply said, "I know what it's like to be taken. I didn't want that to happen to you."
Nobody begrudged Tyler's decision to leave the station, even with therapy, the reminder that he had taken so many lives just to save his friends weighed heavily on him. Nonetheless, they still kept in contact with him, and when they called in for a replacement, the note on it read as such:
[Make sure they are a Human.]

So yeah, second part. I forgot to say the page count last time of this chapter last time, so I'll say it now. Chapter four is about fifty pages long, so it fits the bill when it comes to these things. Not much else to say, so enjoy.
​
​
* * *
Jacob pondered.
On what exactly? Oh fine, I’ll tell you.
Jacob had just received what was, hopefully, a relatively unfiltered version of the recent events and situation on the planet. After about an hour of explanation, A had finished on the arrival of the disassembly drones, and the subsequent widespread assault on the worker drones. When Jacob had asked for the specific story of A’s squad, A had skirted around it, only lightly touching upon the subject. It was slightly suspicious, but Jacob didn’t plan on doing anything about it.
However, if it was the truth, it only raised more questions than answers. The fact that a company was willing to exterminate the entirety of what was probably a massive investment was just baffling. Jacob could only come up with two explanations, one of which was rather worrying to think about. The first was that of changing times; perhaps the company was so rich, and technology so advanced, that the worker drones could be replaced with the ease of buying another shipload of tissues. If you threw away an entire box of tissues, it would be annoying to say the least, but it wouldn’t cost a lot to just get another one.
But, it just didn’t make sense to Jacob that that would be the case. The United States military in the time of Jacob had heaps, thousands of missiles, and could afford to replace them as they were used. But if they all disappeared at once? It would take lots of time, money, and effort to replace each and every single last one of the lost payloads, and not to mention the logistical nightmare it would be.
So, that led Jacob to his other solution, one that insinuated a scenario far more confusing and sinister. If the company decided to just annihilate every worker drone, which is a very radical and illogical decision by a galaxy-spanning megacorporation, then it would line up with certain other decisions made by other people in the past.
During the Second World War, the U.S. government was fearful of a potential Japanese invasion. They believed that, if they did land boots on American soil, that the Japanese-Americans would rise up, taking the side of the invaders. And so, Roosevelt made the Executive Order 9066, ordering over one hundred and twenty thousand Japanese-Americans to be interned in concentration camps, where they would remain until near the end of the war.
This was an apt example for how even the most level-headed of individuals could make bad decisions under the influence of fear. If Jacob assumed that the same was true for this day and age, then perhaps the administration at the company had sent machines to kill the entire worker drone populace due some or maybe even all of them being much more dangerous than what was being let on. It was a bit far-fetched, but was the one of the only viable solutions at the moment, aside from his theory that nothing was real and they were all figments of the imagination of a being so complex they were nothing but fiction to it, but the chances of that were little to none.
Right?
Jacob’s pondering was interrupted by someone waving their hand in front of his face.
“Ugh, hello?” A snapped his fingers twice. “You there?”
Jacob blinked, refocusing on his present company. “Uh yeah, just processing.”
A scoffed. “Processing what? I thought humans were superior or something?”
Jacob smacked A’s hand out of his face. “Me too.”
A raised an LED eyebrow.
“Doesn’t matter.” Jacob waved hand in a dismissive way. “What now?”
“I dunno. That's all I had.” A shrugged.
“Nothing else you’re hiding?” Jacob questioned.
“No. There isn’t.” A glared at Jacob. “Now drop it.”
Jacob held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, jeez man, calm down. I just don’t wanna be bored for however long I’m stuck here.”
“Yeah well, that's not really my problem.” A stated.
Jacob didn’t reply, only sighing, before standing and getting up out of his seat.
A startled. “Wait, where are you going?”
“Out.” Jacob simply replied.
“Why?” A inquired.
Jacob shrugged. “Bored.”
A got to his feet as well. “Fine then. I guess I’m going as well.”
“You’re coming with?” Jacob asked incredulously.
“Yeah. I can’t have you running off and getting yourself killed.” A reasoned.
“They kept saying that too.” Jacob grumbled.
“Who said that?” A tilted his head.
“K and X.” Jacob answered. “Also, why don’t y’all have normal names? Why just letters?”
“I dunno.” A non-committedly replied.
“Huh.” Jacob took that as a cue to leave, turning to the ladder.
A followed closely behind, waiting until Jacob had gone through the small exit to ascend himself.
Jacob didn’t bother to use the ladder on the way down, buckling his knees and dropping the last few feet, hearing the snow crunch beneath him. He had been prepared to absorb the impact, but it seemed like whatever advanced mechanics his suit possessed had done the job all by itself, which was pretty nice. He made a mental note to test out the capabilities later on, just to get a general sense of the limits and what would be a danger to him.
Jacob heard a similar crunching noise behind him, causing him to look backwards, seeing A just awkwardly standing there.
“Just gonna follow me? Really?” Jacob was slightly annoyed.
“Yeah. I’ve gotta keep you safe until someone else takes you off my hands, or else I’ll-” A cut himself off.
Jacob took note of that, inferring what he might have been about to say. It only served to confirm his notion that he was sort of a VIP on the planet. He was to be protected at all costs, which was pretty nice for Jacob.
“So, you gonna do anything?” A asked.
* * *
The sound of snow crunching filled the empty room as the pair walked into it.
“Can we go back already?” X complained.
“No, and be quiet.” K scolded him. “It’s too echoey in this room, it’s annoying.”
X scoffed. “Pff, it’s fine. Nobody’s around for miles, we’re all good. Now when can we go back?”
K rolled her eyes. “We can go back when we find something, You heard what he said.”
“What who said?” X inquired.
“You idiot, our squad leader!? Our boss that we’ve spent who knows how long with!?” K cried out.
“Calm down, just messing around.” X leaned against the wall.
“Whatever, you know what A said. We can’t come back until we’ve found water.” K reminded X.
“Why do we even need it? I’m sure he’ll be fine.” X waved off the issue.
“He’ll die.” K deadpanned.
“He can walk it off.” X waved off the issue again.
“I don’t care, just get off the wall, we’ve gotta search every building.” K gestured for X to follow.
“How can we even find anything in here? Everywhere else we’ve checked has been empty.” X took his place next to K.
“You never know, now get to it.” K kicked over a rock, exposing a small marble.
X trotted over to a dented metal counter on one side of the room, peering underneath it.
“Nothing here, this is useless.” X whined.
“Shut up.” K called out.
X surprisingly obliged, kneeling down and searching the small cabinets that were connected to the counter. After finding nothing but a small skeleton huddled inside one of them, X sighed heavily, before making his way over to a large metal box. It might’ve been taller than him if it wasn’t tipped over on its side, with an assortment of power cords snaking out from an outlet on the back of it. Seeing a small handle on the front, X tugged on it, the slight rust giving way to superior strength.
However, X’s eyes went wide with shock, which changed to glee.
“Hey, look what I’ve found!” X called out to K.
K’s head whipped up, staring at the prize that X was brandishing. “You found- what is that?”
If the two had any idea what warm food was, they would’ve recognized the lumpy frozen good that X had in his hands as a perfectly preserved rotisserie chicken. If they had any sort of reheating device, and if they had proper taste buds, they might have been able to enjoy the sweet experience of a Thanksgiving dinner. However, they were ignorant robots who were about as smart as a middle schooler, so the only reaction that they, or at least one of them had, was confusion.
“I dunno, but it says chicken on the side!” X proudly exclaimed.
“What’s chicken?” K questioned.
“I’m . . . not sure . . . but I’m pretty sure it's food.” X’s LED eyebrows furrowed in thought.
“How do you know that?” K asked.
“Uh, I don't?” X seemed more confused than ecstatic now.
K shook her head. “Did you find anything useful?”
“Well I found this clear thing, but it only says something called ‘Dasani’ on the side.” X held up a clear plastic bottle, putting his finger in quotation marks when he said it.
“Give me that!” K dashed across the room, snatching the item out of X’s hands.
“Wha- hey!” X tried to grab at it, but K held it out of his reach.
“Back up!” K swatted X in the face, inciting a squawk of surprise.
“I found it first, give it back!” X shot back, tackling K, causing the bottle to roll across the ground.
The two began slugging at each other, scrabbling across the ground for dominance over a goddamn bottle, like a gang of the aforementioned middle schoolers. Nearly crushing the contested item multiple times, the two spent a good thirty seconds duking it out. And after K finally managed to curl into a ball around the bottle, X tried to no avail to recapture his former possession.
“You motherfu-” X was cut off by a noise from the door that led deeper into the building
The two highly professional disassembly drones shot to their feet, their gazes snapping to the origin of the sound. Standing there was a figure, about the same height as K and X, with familiar black plating and armor, kneeling down to grab a small blue marble that was on the floor. It appears as though the idiot had been trying to be sneaky to avoid capturing the attention of the killer robots, which clearly didn’t go as planned.
“Uh, hi.” The drone said after a moment of silence.
Even more silence.
The military drone took that as a cue to scoop up the marble, before dashing out of the room.
K and X instantly took chase, with K pocketing the small bottle for later. The military drone wasn’t quite fast, but it did make use of its head start well. The unnamed drone disappeared behind the corner, with the pair of disassembly drones right on his heels. However, when K turned around the edge, a bullet tore through the air, finding its home in her head. Completely unprepared, she fell to the ground.
X, contrary to what some might do, didn’t stop to assist her, instead just simply vaulting over her body, speeding onward. He was rapidly closing the distance between him and the military drone, when his prey suddenly whipped around with a pistol in its hand. X, unlike his comrade, was prepared for this inevitability, turning to the side and out of the path of the trio of bullets as they flew by him. X followed up on this by diving down onto the hapless drone, trying to skewer it on gleaming metal claws.
The drone didn’t have a chance to fight, but unknown to X, he did have time to press the small panic button on its jawline, or where the jawline would be if it was a human. If anyone on this planet was familiar with standard police or even military practice, they would recognize the small button as the useful yet annoying panic button.
For a bit of context, the panic button is usually represented as a small and easy-to-access device that, when activated, sends out an emergency distress signal that would notify the proper authorities of the panic button’s location and a dire situation. The panic button is common in the military, police personnel, elderly homes, schools, corporate buildings, apartment buildings, and basically everywhere else that isn’t a ghetto.
The drone, however, proved to be much smarter than his predecessors, much to the dismay of X. It dove to the side, dropping down and through a weakened rusty grate. As X’s claws scraped against the wall, the fleeing drone tossed a metal panel that was blocking the way out to his side, before dashing through the door. X jumped down to the lower floor, before continuing his chase.
A flurry of bullets ripped towards him, but X brought his arm up, letting his forearm absorb the projectiles that hit, and most missed. The drone ran down a comically long flight of stairs, taking three steps at a time. The stairs continued downward, eventually opening up to a basement with a gaping hole in the wall, which led straight into darkness. The drone nearly fell into the hole from the momentum of jumping down the stairs. But, it just managed to skid to a stop at the edge.
X landed at the foot of the stairs, crouching to absorb the impact. X’s gaze focused on the drone that was pointing the pistol at X, sights drawing a solid bead on his head. However, when it pulled the trigger, it was only met with a slight clicking sound. The drone gaze jerked down to the pistol, then straight back up to X, who was now diving towards it, claws outstretched.
The drone jumped backwards, losing his balance. Its foot slipped off the edge, and while the sudden space between it and X saved its life for the time being, it did have to contend with gravity, which was now pulling on the drone by a considerable amount.
X watched as the drone tumbled down the pit, hitting the sides. However, the sides of the pit were both sloped and slick with a thin sheet of ice, causing the drone to slide down to the bottom. The drone slammed against a large rusty metal pipe, which was a solid indicator of the pit’s identity as a sewer.
The drone scrambled to its feet, caving the skull in of a skeleton that appeared to have been a former inspector when one took into account the corpse’s clipboard and tattered clothes. X slammed down onto the large pipe, causing it to resonate like a gong. The drone snatched up a small length of rusty metal rebar that had impaled itself on the ground, the edge of the steel surprisingly sharp. The drone adopted a fighting stance, pointing the business end towards X.
The robotic predator didn’t care, however, just simply stabbing his prey with his own pointy stick, the sharp end of his nanite acid tail. The sharp tool stuck itself in the drone’s shoulder, causing it to drop the bar and curse. X took the opportunity to grip the drone by the head, while digging the claws of his other hand in its chest. X then looked into the opaque black visor of the military drone, before pulling in two opposite directions.
The effects were made known quickly, with the head of the military drone migrating away from its home connected to the body. Oil splashed down onto X, who took the opportunity to feed. X dropped the head, letting it hit the ground with a clang, dropping the body as well.
X stood over the fallen corpse, claws gleaming with oil. K landed next to him, retracting her wings.
“So you got it?” K asked.
“No I didn’t, he got away. This body right here is just a random pigeon, and you’re just hallucinating.” X replied sarcastically. “Also, how the hell did you get here so fast?”
K rolled her eyes. “Oh, be quiet. I’m just making sure, because knowing you, you would probably let him go for the funny.” She ignored his latter question.
“Well now that you mention it . . .” X looked sorrowfully at the body.
K punched him in the arm. “Whatever, we gotta go. I seriously doubt that he was alone-”
She was cut off yet again by a loud crash that originated from the hole up on the wall. The duo whipped around, only to see several guns pointed straight at them.
“Sup.” X nodded at the intruders.
* * *
The sound of conversation could be audibly heard from the lit tent.
The tent had been designated as the de facto headquarters for the former facility personnel, with a smaller offshoot serving as a meeting room for the leadership. The offshoot tent in question was currently being used for its purpose, with an emergency meeting being called. Not because of the discovery of a dead body, but for a different matter entirely.
“Can anyone at least tell me how this happened?” The Lead Engineer leaned on the table.
One of the data officers stepped forward. “We believe that when we were evacuating the facility, an error occurred that declassified the file.” They answered.
“An error did this.” The General wasn’t convinced.
“Well, yes. The computers had been degrading for a while now, and we had noticed that several of our autonomous programs were misbehaving, or just outright not working at all.” The data officer replied.
“And we did nothing about this?” The General glared at the trio of data officers that had joined them.
“We actually were doing all we could, but we didn’t have the materials to make a complete fix.” The Lead Engineer interjected.
“Why didn’t you tell me then!?” The General exclaimed.
“I did. You probably just forgot again.” The Lead Engineer suggested.
“What? I have the best memory here.” The General puffed out his chest proudly.
“Alright then, what were we just talking about?” The Lead Engineer inquired.
The General frowned. “We were talking?”
The Lead Engineer facepalmed. “Goddamn idiot.”
One of the data officers stepped up. “Uh, sir? There is still the matter of the ones who discovered the information.”
“Oh yeah, uh, dump them off the eastern bridge.” The Lead Engineer waved off the issue.
With a simple nod, the data officers left, accompanied by a few guards as well. The Lead Engineer sat back in his chair, before steepling his fingers on the desk. He looked back and forth between the assembled leadership, before the General spoke up.
“So, are we gonna continue or what?” He crossed his arms.
“Yes, sorry.” The Lead Engineer motioned to one of his ministers. “You take the lead, Kane.”
Kane got up, walking to the front of the tent, dragging a projector on a cart with him. When he arrived, he pulled down the white screen, securing the hook on a latch on the bottom. He then adjusted the cart, facing the lens towards the screen. He then attached a laptop to the projector, pressing a few buttons and fiddling with a few switches, cursing once. Finally, the projector flickered to life, shining an image onto the screen.
Kane cleared his throat. “Ahem, so. What you are seeing here is the first page of the document in question. As you can see here, it appears to be warning against a drone viewing whatever the contents of this file is.” Kane flicked to the next slide. “It continues to vehemently express this multiple times, not really differing in its warning at all.”
One of the military ministers, Alicia, raised her hand. “Uh, question?”
Kane paused. “What is it?”
“Its warning against drones? She asked.
“Yes, it is. I’ll explain this later on, so save your questions for the end please.” Kane looked back to the projection, skipping through the slides until he landed on the first one without a warning.
“Ah, here we go. So, as you can see here, this appears to be a logo for JCJenson-'' Kane was interrupted by a faint, “In Spaaaaacee!” from an unknown source. “Uh, anyway, as all of you know, JCJenson was the company that owned this planet, and the one that provided the drones that the government were using in their facility, which was us.” Kane flicked to the next slide.
“Here we can see a title for a project, along with several bits of accompanying information, like locations, associates, page number, references, you get the picture.” Kane then produced a long ruler from what seemed like thin air, before pointing the end at one of the words. “Pay attention to this one here ‘AbsoSolv’ as it’ll come up several times later on.” Going to the next slide, Kane cleared his throat yet again.
“This page is more confusing, as it appears to be mentioning several unit serial numbers that don’t match up with standard format, which are mixed in with several other ones that are in different format, like this one here,” Kane pointed his stick at a random one from the line. “This one says, S-010011X01, which I believe has a main identifying letter instead of a string of numbers based on time of construction.”
“Additionally, while some of these feature the normal serial numbers that worker drones use, they have another identifier after it, separated by a dash.” Kane flipped to the next slide.
“This one is more straightforward, as it appears to be featuring a set of technical designs of a modified worker drone with the serial number and other associated information listed at the top. The notes on the side are observations on the modifications that can be seen in the designs. Some of the original worker drone parts can be seen, but a majority of the inner and outer mass seem to have been altered or replaced with a substance that is described as ‘fleshy’. You can see at the very bottom a signature of an unknown human administrator, and a notice that marks the drone for ‘disassembly’ as an addendum can be seen that marks whatever this is as a failure, and a recommendation to request more data from their source.”
Kane took a breath, before going to the next slide. “This is essentially the same as the last one, and this continues for a few slides. Nothing of note can be found in them, save for a few different serial numbers that were listed in one of the prior slides.”
Kane flicked to the next slide. “This one has two addendums, which I will say in a moment. The image is different as well, with noticeably less random mutations and more of a form taking place. This one was supposedly much more successful than the others, and while it was still marked as a failure, the first addendum said that the team working on the project should strip the data from the drone in as best a condition as they could. The second one simply noted they were naming the specific strain of code they were using to ‘Absolute Solver’. The addendum does not mention any reason or motive behind the name, only noting the fact that their shareholders would be pleased.”
“The next one is the first apparent success in the line of experiments that JCJenson seemed to be doing. A single growth can be seen protruding from the back of the spinal transmitter, and several other growths have sprouted inside. However, it is noted that the drone survived the process, and remained somewhat coherent for a period of time afterwards, which seems to be an outlier when considering the others. There isn’t an addendum on this one, only a request from the team for more extensive data from their source to compare to this experiment.”
“This trend continues for a good while, so I’ll just summarize the important bits for all of you.” Kane stated. “Each version continued to show more and more productive attributes and traits, as is par the standard course. Throughout the notes, requests, and addendums, whoever was typing up the document repeatedly noted some things that I will review later, such as Absolute Solver, the ‘source’, Camp 98.7, Cabin Fever Labs, and disassembly drones.”
Kane flicked to the final slide. “This is the final page, with some items to note. It appears to be a reiteration of the specifics of the agreement between the government and JCJenson, with a few additional key things. It includes the standard formalities and the usual junk that we all know, but something else as well. When mentioning the exchange of data that came from the asset-” Kane paused as the room underwent an uncomfortable shuffle in their seats. “They mention a clear correlation between this project that JCJenson is, or was, working on, and the asset. They also instructed the government contacts that any unauthorized personnel, which included government agents, were now barred from entering Camp 98.7 due to ‘hazardous environmental conditions’ and that this was nonnegotiable.”
Kane turned away from the projector, clasping his hands in front of himself. “And now to explain.”
“From what me and the team I assigned could gather, we deduced the meanings and purposes behind several items that were mentioned in this file. The first and most obvious, the ‘source’ that is mentioned. They are receiving data from this source, which seems to be essential to the development of what they were working on. Based on their words, we figured that the source is likely the asset, and yes, the same asset that we are all familiar with.” Kane paused, seemingly to let his words sink in.
“Continuing on, we began to dissect what Camp 98.7 was. It was very clearly a location of sorts, but where it was and what it was used for was more complicated. While we never arrived at a solid conclusion, we believed that the most likely avenue was that Camp 98.7 might have been an outpost of sorts, perhaps used in conjunction with these Cabin Fever Labs.”
“On the matter of the Cabin Fever Labs, we can clearly assume that research and development of this Absolute Solver was being conducted there, and perhaps Camp 98.7 was a sort of staging ground or other type of location related to the lab. We believe that the location of one or both of these sites are hidden within another file.”
“And perhaps the most intriguing and complex matter of them all, Absolute Solver. We figured that it was likely that this Absolute Solver was instrumental in whatever experiments they were doing, or even being one of the subjects of the experiments themselves. From what we gather, Absolute Solver is something, maybe a piece of alien machinery, some sort of unknown lifeform, an experimental strain of cutting-edge code, one of those things, but whatever it is, it is not something that is ‘normal’. It appears to have a unique effect on those it hosts or comes into contact with, rapidly generating new organic material, with sometimes uncontrolled effects. While the file only shows the experiments that used drones, we don’t know if any humans or other organic lifeforms were included either. Likely not, considering the legality of the situation, but it's open to discussion.”
Kane took a large breath, before continuing.
“And finally, the disassembly drones. They seem simple, but my team believed it to be heavily related to our current situation. They aren’t mentioned very often, but they appear to be a direct result of their experiments or related to one. From what we could gather, they are meant to, well, disassemble. Drones on par with military-grade ones that are capable of a variety of things, like bullet fire, rocket launching, melee combat, flight, digital warfare, and regeneration.” Kane watched as his words dawned upon his audience, expressions filling with shock.
“Yes, those drones. The disassembly drones that we read about are likely some variant of the unknown assailants that attacked the facility, and stole the asset in the process.”
The General sputtered. “B-but that would be a severe political incident! If those drones were under the command of JCJenson, and they stole GOVERNMENT property, then they would be liable for retaliation!”
Kane tried to calm the room. “Now, hold on, I’m not done-”
The Lead Engineer also appeared to be shocked. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier!?”
“You told me to wait for the meeting!” Kane exclaimed.
The room erupted into disarray.
“We need to mobilize, hunt down those damn traitors!”
“What's their last known location!?”
“Where is the nearest transmitter, send out a request for retaliatory action!”
Suddenly, a drone burst into the room, knocking over the projector cart in the process. Everyone turned to look at him, ceasing the chaos for a moment.
“Er, uh, sirs?” The drone asked.
“Yes?” The General and the Lead Engineer stood up at the same time.
“I, uh,” The drone looked back and forth between the two administrators. “Well, we received a panic signal from one of our scouts.”
The General scoffed. “Why would that be enough to warrant our intervention? He probably just tripped on a conveniently placed banana peel.”
The messenger fidgeted nervously. “Well, his partner reported moments before the signal came in that he heard gunshots.”
The administrative drones shared a collective uneasy look.
“What did you do?” The General asked slowly.
“The officers who received the signal first sent in two of the patrol squads that were nearby at the time.” The messenger answered.
The drones in assembly all either looked down in disappointment or facepalmed.
The General spoke up after a moment. “Send in a squad as fast as you can to their last known location. Only veterans, and outfit them with heavy weaponry and explosive ordnance.” The General paused, before adding an afterthought. “And give them some cutting equipment too.”
The messenger blinked in surprise. “Wait, sir, are you sure-”
“Just tell the officers already!” The General slammed his fist down onto the cheap plastic table, which formed a crack.
The messenger saluted quickly, before dashing out of the room.
The Lead Engineer took a cursory look at the assembled drones, before he sighed.
“We’re screwed.”
* * *
“Are you going back anytime soon?”
Jacob looked back at his unwanted companion.
“No.” He answered simply, before resuming his casual trot.
“We’re getting too far away from the spire, and the sun is coming up in an hour or two. I for one don’t want to get caught out.” A insisted.
“Well I don’t die from a bit of sunlight, so too bad.” Jacob stepped over a tire rim.
“I’m not sure that’s your choice.” A stated.
Jacob paused and looked backward. “Oh, so you’re bossing me around now?”
“Maybe, if you keep on making dumb decisions like this.” A stopped as well.
“Pff, I’ll be fine.” Jacob waved his hand in the air to emphasize his point.
“You won’t last ten minutes.” A dead-panned.
“Nah, I’ll speedrun this stuff, I’ll be off-planet in an hour.” Jacob proudly said.
A shook his head and sighed. “Whatever you say.”
Jacob didn’t answer.
Jacob then looked around. “Wait, where are we? I wasn’t keeping track.”
“And you said that you would- whatever, we’re like, three miles away from the base.” A replied.
“Huh, went that far?” Jacob asked.
A frowned. “Three miles isn’t that far-”
A was interrupted by a rather loud crack that resonated through the landscape.
Jacob blinked. “Uh, ok then-”
Jacob was also interrupted by a trio of cracks and bangs, sounding slightly familiar.
“Are those-” Jacob was, yet again, interrupted by even more bangs.
“-gunshots?” He finished.
“I wouldn’t worry, those idiots are probably either messing around, or they found a worker drone to kill.” A nonchalantly answered.
“Shouldn’t we go check it out though?” Jacob inquired.
“It isn’t a problem.” A said, annoyed.
“Well it would give me something to do.” Jacob insisted.
A checked the time, before looking at the horizon for signs of sunlight.
“Eh, fine. Wouldn’t hurt, I guess.” A shrugged.
“Nice.” Jacob grinned underneath his ballistic visor.
* * *
K sliced through the head of the last desperate drone, before spitting out a bullet.
“You done?” K called out to X.
“Yeah, I guess. By the way, do you still have my Dasani thing?” X looked at K hopefully.
“Yes, I do. And besides, it isn’t yours, it's for Jacob.” K answered.
“What? Why is he getting it? Why not me?” X exclaimed.
“Because it's water, idiot. An uncontaminated source, like A told us, remember?” K glared at X.
“I guess, but that's water?” X asked.
“Yes, it is. It matches the description.” K replied
“Description?” X questioned.
“Yeah, the description. You know what description means, right?” K seemed even more annoyed.
“I know what it means.” X snapped. “But how do you know what water looks like?”
K just shrugged, before turning towards the exit.
“Come on, we gotta get back soon.” She flew upwards, landing on the ledge.
X followed suit, tracing their steps back through the building. X looked back up at the rusty grate that the drone had fallen through, which he now identified as being part of a weirdly placed catwalk. Scanning the environment, X found that the only entrance to the small alcove would be the hole in the catwalk. The basement that the small room was connected to didn’t have an entrance either, only having the gaping hole in the side of the room, which likely wasn't intended. That would mean that a person would have to chop through the sewer wall to get into the basement and adjoining alcove, or jump off the catwalk. Both of those options didn’t make any sort of sense at all. In fact, the catwalk wasn’t even needed, someone could have just removed the entire basement-and-alcove plan entirely, which also removed the necessity for a catwalk. All in all, whoever designed the building was either high off of some crazy drugs, an idiot, or both.
But, none of these thoughts went through X’s head, as he was only thinking about the devastating loss of his cool plastic bottle.
K hefted herself up onto the rusty catwalk, with X following close behind. K went through the doorway, only for a rather eventful event to stop her momentarily.
A rocket screamed through the air, smacking K straight in the chest. The resulting explosion blew X backwards and K apart, with oil splashing onto the ground in the process. With a clatter, X hit the ground, slightly dazed. He looked to his left to see what looked like the arm of K, twitching slightly. X tried to get up, only to fall again, after he put his weight on a hand that wasn’t there.
X, seeing the failure of Operation: GTFU, adjusted his position so that he could get up with his other hand only, which was thankfully still there. Investigating his left arm, he could see that everything down from the elbow had been separated from himself in the blast. He didn’t have time to look for it or go get it, so he simply let the matter go.
Standing up, X stared through the smoke, before diving back down onto the ground when another rocket came streaking past him. It scratched his face, sending small sparks up, before heading down the other hallway. X pointed his own rocket launcher into the fog, before firing off a flurry of shots. He heard explosions, but wasn’t rewarded with screams or grunts of pain. Problematic, to say the least.
X took the opportunity to kick K’s assorted dismembered body parts down into the lower alcove, where she should eventually reassemble herself. She was really taking a beating recently, and she would probably be frustrated about that when X was all done, but that wasn’t his problem-
X nearly met the same fate as K when another rocket flew from the open doorway, the fog starting to clear up. X jumped up and over the RPG, letting it fly into the unexplored depths of the building. He couldn’t do this dance forever, so he made the executive decision to charge into the unknown.
* * *
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Anyway, I'll be posting the next part tomorrow, so hang on tight for the singular person that made it to the end. No need to like, this is purely for my own benefit. See ya.

As the title says, i purchased the physical disc version of sf6 on PlayStation 5, and got both the disc, and a receipt with a redeemable code for the costume alternate colors. it wouldn't let me use the code for the outfits for a while, until eventually let me redeem it.
but before and after doing that; i've not gotten any of the deluxe edition stuff. none of the currencies and no notification/sign of the outfits. is anyone else experiencing this problem? has capcom or PlayStation said anything about this? am i just boned because I have the disc? would really appreciate any help, I don't know what's going on.

Obviously, spoilers ahead. Go listen to it now if you haven't, it's great.
Now I'm no professional critic or anything, but I do know that my brain says "Mallet Song Good." So I just want to touch on what I love from the album!
Incoming Transmission: Absolutely my favourite of the opening tracks. I always love when a familiar leitmotif starts playing in a sequel or spinoff or whatever, and this track got me super pumped for the rest of the album! Great stuff!
Holy Flaming Hammer of Unholy Cosmic Frost: An absolutely phenomenal track, and our first glimpse at what normal day-to-day life is like in the kingdom. I remember when the video came out and I heard "Sanctus! Dominus!" at the clone awakening part for the first time. It's all in all an epic track with a great music video (misspelling of Interdimensional in the music video included!)
Imperium Dundaxia: Immediately powerful and intense, and overall a great track, giving us both the quest for the clone and Angus II. Angus II in this song probably shows the most intense hatred of ol' Zargy out of any song from the band prior. Truly a great introduction for our new hero!
Wasteland Warrior Hoots Patrol: The start gave me big 2nd album vibes, and overall the song does have those vibes throughout. The first line of the song, "Cruising down the highway, powered by Hoots!" had me laughing for a while when I first listened yesterday. Absolutely phenomenal chorus. Chris was right that it would be fun to sing. The music video is completely phenomenal and silly. The fact that Angus enters the Konami code on his glove is a great detail! The Hootsman suddenly pulling out the hybrid saxophone was completely unexpected and is always a great scene. Also, side note, this is the first time a Gloryhammer song has contained any "not kid-friendly" language since... I guess "rape" in Unicorn Invasion of Dundee? I also love the notable differences in Proletius' outfit. It makes sense story-wise and adds just a little more to the video as a whole! Overall, absolutely love the song!
Brothers of Crail: An mighty song for the mighty knights! I absolutely love the rhythm of it! Of course, I love the inclusion of Proletius talking again. Got a good laugh from it. Reminds me of "Unsightly peasants of Wacken, you have proven yourselves to be unsightly indeed!" Overall, not much to really say about it other than it's already one of my favourite songs from the band!
Fife Eternal: A great song for getting the squad back together again. Tells us more about the world of Imperium Dundaxia, and Angus' "The second of my name!" part reminds me of "Angus McFife, the thirteenth my name!" Overall, another incredible track on this incredible album! Ending with setting Angus on his quest for the Laserblaster is nice.
Sword Lord of The Goblin Horde: I love this, it has a slower, more 1st-album-y feel to it which is nice. Reminds me of Quest For The Hammer of Glory specifically. We get introduced to a new type of enemy, Toxic Laser-Slimes. It's always nice to see some random, silly new thing get added to the universe. It's a great song and I love it.
Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem: Finally, a song about one of the other artifacts! Now we only need a Knife of Evil song to complete the trilogy! A dragon flying across the sapphire skies harkens back to Epic Rage of Furious Thunder. Angus' determination to obtain the Laserblaster stung a bit from a story-focussed standpoint, since we knew Alpha-1 would beat him to it. Despite knowing that, his dialogue at the end still instilled this feeling of dread in me when I first listened. Excellent song and a major loss for the forces of justice. I was really uncertain as to how the album would end, as realistically there was no way for Angus, with only the Hammer, to defeat both Zargothrax and Alpha-1 while they have the Laserblaster and the Knife.
Keeper of The Celestial Flame of Abernethy: Absolutely amazing song with a masterfully animated music video. I know I mention how good the animation is a lot but it's warranted. I never would have expected an official animated music video from the band, but when I saw the skull and realized it was the same person who did P.A.R.T.Y. for Alestorm, I knew it was going to be amazing. There's not much to say that hasn't already been said about this song. It tells us about Zargothrax's origins and motives and is overall a great addition to the lineup for the band. Ever since I heard a little of it from that small clip on Instagram, I was excited. It's the only time I've listened to a song before it came out thanks to people recording concerts.
Maleficus Geminus (Colossus Matrix 38B - Ultimate Invocation of The Binary Thaumaturge): Well we finally made it here. The start is unique and has a somewhat nostalgic feeling to it. Suddenly, the song properly begins with an ominous vibe that instilled even more uncertainty in me about the outcome of the battle ahead. Once again, the Knights of Crail are swiftly defeated, as is expected. I love the "Robot Prince of Auchtertool" part, it's extremely fun. Gives me a similar feeling to "For the king of space, we will fight to end this race!" in Fires of Ancient Cosmic Destiny. The song quieting for a moment as the containment fails and the original Zargothrax is set free instills this dreadful feeling. I'd seen comments on here of "dun dun DOUBLE dun dun WIZARD" but I didn't expect it to actually be in the song. That and the chanting right after it make me think of the world just shattering under the power of the Double Wizard. The ending of the song left me completely speechless. I still honestly haven't processed it fully. The Starlords, the chorus of Holy Flaming Hammer, everything. It's an phenomenal ending to a phenomenal album. I feel like I can't say enough just how much I love this album.
>! Honestly wondering where we go from here! The other albums all had some clear lead as to what would happen next (Wizards! mentioning a coming battle in space, Angus XIII following Zargy into the wormhole, and, of course, the transmission) !<
Overall: Insane album, completely blew me away and left me speechless. I'm extremely excited for what will come in the future! All in all, an absolutely phenomenal job from everyone!
I am greatly looking forward to covering (and making silly videos for) all of the songs (and I mean all of them (well, aside from the starting ones maybe))!
Glory to Dundee!

it's a nice update, even if I do still have complaints about it (lol) but in the outfits category, I see a bunch of things that were pvp rewards, but every time I try to look at them, it just...doesn't work? it adds like, a hat or something unrelated to what I'm already wearing.
i would love those things, but something tells me niantic fucked up the coding and those things are supposed to be something else. :(

She's worked here about 2 years. I've really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt as long as possible, as I was convinced nobody could seriously be that incompetent and self promoting.
But lately it's just been getting worse...
So backstory: she always does the bare minimum and complains about her workload. But every time you go in to check about something she is just on her phone or taking selfies.
She is basically illiterate, her emails are completely unprofessional, lacking proper punctuation and capitalization. She doesn't even capitalize her own name. A sample (although I've seen worse than my example multiple times!):
"hi this is -name- Thank You for contacting me i am happy to help here please confirm receipt of this i am your Point Of Contact monitor your email tho we will send updates and have a Great Day ok!"
She wears club dresses to work with leggings underneath (both are against dress code) and bold logos (which is also against our dress code) and then criticizes my business attire, literally every day she makes snide comments about my clothes. I don't wear anything super form fitting or which could be considered inappropriate. Literally dresses to my knees, business jackets etc. We are supposed to wear business attire, we work in an office, I feel like if one of us was dressing questionably, it's definitely not me. I am complimented on a regular basis for my outfits being classy and nice. I just don't understand why she's so obsessed with putting down my clothes. I never said anything to her but the more she makes these remarks the harder it gets to bite my tongue. Just because she's always doing the most and delivering the least, doesn't make everyone else the problem.
Like - If it's always everyone else, then maybe it's just you!
She gets written up once a week but literally nobody wants to do her job so the most that's come of it is sending her home with no pay for the rest of the day.
Also, our PTO is accrued based on length of employment. She makes excuses to leave early on a regular basis and takes a day off, paid or unpaid, with no notice - even though she also constantly complains about not having money and being overworked. Then complains when I take a day off with months notice.... I've worked here over 5 years so sorry I get more PTO and I don't waste it calling off, I plan ahead to take my time.
I literally just took my first 2 days off since Christmas. She seriously complained how I shouldn't get to take so much time off bc its not her job to cover! As if she doesn't leave early all the time and call out of work on a regular basis.....
She completed on her tax forms that she was "tax exempt"... You know, the forms everyone fills out when they start a new job working for a company (as opposed to a 1099)? Everyone advised her against it and let her know if she really isnt tax exempt its going to bite her in the end.
She is now blaming the company that no taxes were taken out and trying to say they should pay her 12k in back taxes.... even when I went over how to do the form with her, as she had questions, she says "but I want all my money now, why would I have any taken put of my check?" I explained how taxes work, and as she's 33 you'd think she would have worked someplace where she saw the deductions out. She just argued with me that she shouldn't have to pay taxes.... and apparently still put that she was exempt as a result.... like, nobody wants to pay, but if you don't pay then yes, be prepared bc they're just going to take it out of your pay later down the road.... Idk how her brain works and it drives me crazy! You can't explain logic to the illogical, I suppose.
Now she's bought a 2011 Mercedes base model and walks around mentioning 30x a day how she "drives a Mercedes" and how her "car and clothes are the best in the office". For reference, my coworker and myself both have brand new fully loaded Subarus so idk how she figures a 12 year old base model luxury car is worth talking shit to us about our wise purchases/ decisions based on reliability, over petty bragging rights, but here we are. Just blatant disrespect and self promotion at the expense of others on a daily basis.
My boss calls her out but this coworker says that she is singled out because "she is black". Even though it's consistent patterns of not using email templates provided/ instead sending responses riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. Talking shit about everyone else in the office. Spending her day on her phone and taking selfies.
We regularly have to stay to fix her mistakes. This has nothing to do with her appearance it has to do with her lack of ability to do her job without making everything about how wonderful her half-ass efforts are and how everyone else is constantly jealous of her....
I just keep my mouth shut bc tbh, idk who would be jealous of someone who is so conceited yet so incompetent. She posts overly edited pics online too and when people call her out for photoshopping she also calls them haters and jealous.
Just toxic af. And I'm really starting to lose my patience. She even lies to get out of her job (she refused to take a payment earlier bc "the system is down" - its not - and she was on her phone, big surprise. Instead she gave my other coworker a note that "person called to make payment call them back to take the payment")
She just got scolded again after showing our boss her refusal to take the payment, but I just am beside myself. I've never worked with someone so full of themselves with such little reason to be!
Just needed to vent. Feel free to comment if any of you have had similar experiences, would love to commiserate a little lol. Either way if you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Hello, GameDeals!

Star Deal

Title	Discount	USD	GBP	EUR	Store & Rating	Modes	HLTB	Cards	Steam Deck	ProtonDB
Black Book	75%	$6.24	£4.99	€6.24	Steam 94% with 3,824 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-player	23 hours	Yes	Playable	Platinum

A fusion of card-based RPGs and Adventure games, “Black Book” is a haunting tale of a young sorceress, who gave her life to serve the dark forces. Dive into the cold, yet alluring world of Slavic folktales - and uncover the secrets that hide in the darkness.

Fighting Games

Check out more fighting games here!

Title	Discount	USD	GBP	EUR	Store & Rating	Modes	HLTB	Cards	Steam Deck	ProtonDB
Mortal Kombat 11	83%	$8.49	£6.79	€8.49	Steam 87% with 57,249 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	6 hours	Yes	Unsupported	Gold
GUILTY GEAR -STRIVE- Ultimate Edition	30%	$55.99	£51.09	€55.99	Steam 91% with 27,258 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	5 hours	No	Playable	Gold
Injustice™ 2 - Standard Edition	92%	$4.24	£3.39	€4.24	Steam 86% with 11,935 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	5½ hours	Yes	Unsupported	Silver
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIV STEAM EDITION	75%	$14.99	£11.24	€13.74	Steam 82% with 2,962 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	1 hours	Yes	Verified	Gold
GUILTY GEAR Xrd -SIGN-	90%	$2.99	£2.29	€2.79	Steam 91% with 1,949 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	5½ hours	Yes	Verified	Gold
BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle - Basic Edition	76%	$7.19	£7.19	€8.39	Steam 80% with 2,806 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	4 hours	Yes	Playable	Gold
Lethal League Blaze	40%	$11.99	£10.79	€11.99	Steam 97% with 4,095 reviews (Overwhelmingly Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	2 hours	No	Verified	Native
Melty Blood Actress Again Current Code	80%	$4.99	£3.79	€4.59	Steam 935 with 3,023 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	1 hours	Yes	Playable	Gold
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII STEAM EDITION	75%	$4.99	£3.74	€4.99	Steam 90% with 7,117 reviews (Very Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP	3 hours	Yes	Unsupported	Gold
Lethal League	50%	$6.99	£4.99	€5.99	Steam 95% with 2,921 reviews (Overwhelmingly Positive)	Single-player	7½ hours	Yes	Verified	Native/Unknown
GUILTY GEAR XX ACCENT CORE PLUS R	80%	$2.99	£2.19	€2.99	Steam 97% with 4,112 reviews (Overwhelmingly Positive)	Single-playeOnline PvP/Shared and Split Screen PvP	3½ hours	Yes	Verified	Platinum

Street Fighter 6 — Out Now

Title	DRM	Discount	USD	GBP	EUR
Street Fighter™ 6	Steam	15%	$50.99	£42.49	€50.99
Street Fighter™ 6 - Deluxe Edition	Steam	15%	$72.24	£59.48	€72.24
Street Fighter™ 6 - Ultimate Edition	Steam	15%	$89.24	£76.48	€89.24

Capcom's latest instalment of the iconic Street Fighter series, Street Fighter 6 Ultimate Edition, is here. Powered by Capcom’s proprietary RE ENGINE and with a diverse roster of fighters and game modes, this edition promises an exhilarating experience for players of all levels.

Street Fighter 6 Ultimate Edition comes with:

• Full Game
• Year 1 Ultimate Pass
• 4 additional characters
• 4 additional characters' colors: Outfit 1 Colors 3-10
• 4 additional characters' costume: Outfit 2 (including colors 1-10)
• 4 additional characters' costume: Outfit 3 (including colors 1-10)
• 2 additional stages
• Purchase bonus: 7,700 Drive Tickets

If you play the demo before buying the game, you will be able to create your own avatar and check out some of the single-player content available! Just make sure not to delete your save data so that you can transfer your avatar across.

This thread is for individual style questions that you may have, especially those that don't warrant their own thread. We all want a diversified opinion, so feel free to answer any questions (of which you know the answer).
To get the best responses, please include any relevant details such as your budget, where you live, and what stores are available to you.
Example questions:

• Are there any basic crewneck white t-shirts that are opaque and do not have cap sleeves for <$25 available in Australia?
• Is this dress and shoes suitable for an evening wedding with a cocktail dress code taking place in a [venue type]?
• If I like the outfits in this [imgur album / pinterest board], what are some specific items I can look into to start dressing like that, and brands with this look that carry plus sizes?
• Does this outfit look neater with the pants cuffed or uncuffed?

If you'd like to include a picture, you can now post pictures directly in the comments, without having to link an imgur album.