It ain't my fault mystikal clean

This is sort of a rant, but I would appreciate hearing from anyone else in a similar situation and didn't know where else to post this. When I(23f) was a kid my parents and I moved from my dad's home state to my mom's home state. My dad agreed with the move but traveled between the two states to continuing managing a small business. At some point he had an affair child and my parents separated, eventually legally divorcing. I fully lived with my mom growing up and had a stressed relationship with my dad for most of my life, only really getting on good terms with him once I hit my 20s and he remarried (not to other kid's mom). For context his affair child (AC) is severely autistic, she knows who I am and where she is, but otherwise just repeats stuff she hears around her and is the equivalent of a very young child. Additionally she is about 8 years younger than me, and I was only told about her when her birth mom started contacting my own mom and causing us problems, otherwise my dad had kept her existence in his other house completely secret from me for about 4 yrs. From the minute I learned about her I have always felt that he has tried to force me to be ok with her and consider her a regular part of the family. The tipping point was when I was 14, he cornered me at a family wedding and said that he knew that when he was gone I would take her on as my responsibility. I put my foot down then, as did my mom, and he gave up on trying to force me to consider her my family. Fast forward to now, I am the maid of honor for my cousin's wedding and will be out visiting my dad and his side of the family several times for wedding stuff. As AC has gotten older he has taken more custody and is a regular part of her life. Although we are on good terms him and I have very separate lives as we live in two different states and I am an adult, so I am used to AC having no affect on my life. For this trip I will be staying with him and his wife and was planning to do something with him for father's day, which I expected he would want to involve AC in, but apparently we will all be taking an overnight trip together. AC is also now invited to the wedding after my dad pressured the bride to invite AC, which upset me because the bride is already on a very tight budget, but she invited all the other first cousins so my dad thinks that means AC has to come too. I have nothing against AC personally as I know it's not her fault, but every time she is mentioned my mind immediately jumps to all the hurt and worst parts of my relationship with my dad. Knowing my dad I am already expecting some attempts on his part to get me to interact with her and call her my family, which will just cause a argument between him and I.

My (26 M) longest relationship was about 6 months maybe more when I was 20 with a woman 16 years older than me. I've had several relationships since of varying degrees of seriousness. One situation that was 3 years but I was just a booty call that wanted more than that to her.
Well anyway, I met a woman (31) recently and we went on a few dates and talked a lot. She's got a toddler and managed to find some time to do some breakfast dates and go to a play together while I was home from work (I travel a lot).
She ended things recently because of a mix of the 5 year age gap and my lack of experience. I'm bumming a bit because I feel like she didn't give it a full chance. Now it could be, she just wasn't vibing, which is totally valid. However, assuming it is my experience if kinda feels like I was applying for an entry level job and was denied because of my "lack of experience". Kinda a punch in the gut for me. I was under the impression that relationships are a way to grow and experience life together not a job with an experience requirement. I'm looking for something serious and to have the lack of a long-term relationship in my past hung over my head makes me anxious. Sure, that's partially my fault but not all of mine. I took a few years when I was 19-22 and again 24-a few months ago to just focus on myself and not date at all. So I'm worried what this may entail for my future dating?
Idk what I'm looking for just some insight from strangers I guess

Every time I brew I like to learn something new. I'm doing a Milkshake IPA, and I have a few questions:
1) I heard whirlpooling really helps the final product and reduces the time it takes the wort to cool. This can be done with a pump or just a spoon. Once the wort cools, the brew spoon could be a source of infection. How do you ensure your spoon stays clean? Can I just boil it the last 10 minutes? 2) I have a floating dip tube in my keg. With the extra particulates in a NE IPA, should I swap it back out for my regular dip tube so it doesn't get clogged? 3) I brew in a bag and have a lot of grains and adjuncts. How do I suspend the grain bag to let it drip other than just holding it until my arms are exhausted (I realize it's probably too late for this part of the post) 4) Because it's a Milkshake IPA, I'm going to add 1/2 lb. of lactose. I'm guessing this gets added after the mash as the temp is going up to boiling along with my LME, but can anyone confirm?
Thanks reddit, you make this hobby so fun and accessible!

I have issues with food. I've had two different EDs and I also worry about losing my food (ex. I worry that someone else will eat the rest of something before I can have some, which makes me eat all of it when I don't need it). I know none of this is healthy, and I'm working on it, both personally and with my therapist.
Part of my food insecurity is because I'm a picky eater. Certain textures trigger a gag reflex, and if I don't like the smell of a food, I can't stand to be around it, let alone put it to my mouth. This limits the choices I have when it comes to food. I'm aware it's not everyone's job to cater to me, so when my mother makes a Thanksgiving dinner for family and the only thing I can eat are mashed potatoes and plain turkey, I just put bigger portions on my plate and suck it up.
Because my mother doesn't always buy or make food I will eat, I buy my own groceries. Things like juice boxes, soups, and breads are common items on my grocery list. I can still use the milk, butter, cheese, condiments, etc. my mother buys. I cook or prepare my own food, and if there are leftovers, I put it in the fridge with a note that reads: "[my name]'s: DO NOT TOUCH!" I also put this note on foods that I buy with my own money and do not want others to eat.
You might think this is overkill, but I've had problems with the others in the house eating my food. My choices are already so slim that when I go to grab one of my juice boxes and they're all gone, meanwhile the smoothie/fruit juice that my mother bought (and which everyone else in the house likes except for me) is still there, it makes me very upset. Why do they have to pick from the only foods I will eat, when they have plenty of other choices? When I tried to stop this, and I put my name on a meal I cooked, the next morning it was gone because my father ignored the note and ate it anyway. There was nothing else in the fridge for me to eat unless I wanted to cook again. I got so upset that I started writing "DO NOT TOUCH!" in big black Sharpie so that the others understood. Despite this, there have been a few times where my mother or sister removed my notes from my food and told me they were rude and overkill. I've argued with them about it.
Well, today, my mother bought a box of Honey Buns. My sister asked how many there were and my mother said that there were twelve and we could each have four. Then my sister passive aggressively said, "maybe we should put little notes on them with 'DO NOT TOUCH!' in all caps so that no one eats the others' Honey Buns."
We had already argued about the notes I put on my food literally half an hour before this conversation, and I was so done with it that I left the kitchen and went to my bedroom.
I'm so tired of this. I've had this argument multiple times. Putting notes on my food is one of the things my therapist suggested to help with my food insecurity, and it's not my fault that my family doesn't respect them.

I've wanted to get these games on the deck for a while now so I got the PS3 emulator set up, used the recommended settings on the wiki for each and the performance is abysmal. I've tried resetting to default and reducimg the scaling to 75 but that seemed to make things worse.
I've seen YouTube videos of these games hovering around 40 FPS pretty consistently, but they don't explain the settings in the video nor in the description or comments. Does anyone know how to get these games on a nice 30fps? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Also, I've got an issue where the "force compatibility" box is ticked on the properties for ToD (probably my fault but I don't remember ticking it) and now I can't launch it from game mode outside of going via the emulator itself. I've removed it from steam and re-added it via emudeck's rom manager, but no luck. Again, any help would be appreciated.
If any of this comes off as rude, I apologise but it's late here and I'm really, really tired.

I'm in my early 20's and 3 months ago, moved out of state and in with a friend and her family. My folks were very manipulative at the best of times, and physically abusive towards me as a kid, and as a preteen I turned to SH to cope. It's been on and off- big break when I threw away my knife collection (I miss my throwing knives :( ), but i picked up quilting during the pandemic, and the access to a blade had caused it to start up again.
I thought this move would help me, but I still can't stop.
It's never anything deadly, more a "my brain says I should feel pain for (xyz) so I have to cut myself" with small wounds, usually covering whatever limb to "make up" for not doing worse. I understand now (past the moment) that it's irrational, and stupid of me to fall into believing that, but in the moment I have to believe it.
I thought moving out here would help me, and I think I'm happier overall (gender affirmation, being able to openly talk about my partner of 5 years), and everyone here feels like a loving family to me, but now the SH'ing is being set off by the smallest things.
I don't want to eat dinner? Everyone thinks you're a freak, you have to hurt.
You joined the family DND session, and the introduction you and the DM (the father of the house, AJ- he's a wonderful man) cooked up prompts your friend to go "guys, is this the main character" as a joke to the other characters? You're stealing the spotlight, you're a brat, you need to hurt.
Your friends mom, a woman you've called mom on accident enough times she just said to call her that from now on, sees your scars from past SH and asks (in front of her mother) if you're good, and you don't immediately have a lie to keep her happy? You should have never worn those pants, you need to go inside and hurt.
I've mentioned wanting to know where the first aide kits are, and talking about bandages (since I don't pick at the scabs when they're covered) but we've just got band aids and hydrogen peroxide and I have to make due with cleaning up with that, and I want to ask for more but I know it'll lead to why.
It was manageable and no more than once ecery 2 weeks until 2 weeks ago. Mom was working on a resin project outside, left for two fucking seconds to grab something, and a baby bird got in it. She cleaned it off with something but had to take my friend to the doctors right after. She said the bird was doing fine, just to peek out and check on it, at least until it dried off and flew away.
I watched it go from hopping around and being mad at me for being present, to gasping on the ground and seizing in less than a minute. I bashed its fucking head in with a brick before they got home, and I know it was suffering, but I can't stop thinking about what I've done, and how I let it crash, and the harming has gotten so much worse. It's been every other day now. Everything feels like I need to hurt myself
I tried to tell the father of the house, AJ, about the SH last night, because I'd made a fool of myself at dinner and knew what I needed to do, and I wanted to talk to him and see if he could keep me company until something got better, or at least check up on me every so often, so I wouldn't do anything for fear of people noticing.
I went the full nine yards- "can we talk alone" and saying it was important and stuff, but the moment he came to my door, I just froze. I told him I was being stupid overreacting to something earlier, and he told me that it probably wasn't stupid, and when I wanted to, we could talk about it, but he wouldn't make me.
As soon as I heard him go up the stairs, I snapped- I've never done something so extensive before. All shallow, cleanish blade, but it was a lot of total body surface. It still hurts tonight whenever my sleeves or pants brush against them, and I only have one long sleeve shirt so I'm going to be fighting off questions about why I'm wearing a Santa shirt in June until the arm ones heal fully, and I hate it. I hate that I got barely any sleep last night after having to clean the blood up.
I wanted to tell him so bad but it feels like the words get stuck in my mouth. I won't die but I hate living like this. I can't say anything to anyone. I can't do anything. I'm supposed to be happy now and I can't be. We even went to a fucking pride festival today, and the walking hurt so much, but that's something I would have died to do before now. And now it's great but it's not fixing me. I'm fucking worse. I hate it.
I want to tell him so bad. I hate that I can't. I wish I could just say something and stop feeling like this. It feels like if I tell them then the world is going to end, and everything familial will fall apart, and I'll be right back where I started.
I just fucking hate this

Short version: 42 year old male with L5-S1 ALIF/PSF fusion scheduled Monday morning for pars fractures/spondylolisthesis (grade 2) has gotten scared by online stories and needs reassurance. No numbness, tingling, drop foot. Lower back is always tight and will pop when hanging from something. Doctor threw in gill laminectomy at the last minute at pre-op appointment and then let me talk him out of it which made me question the whole thing. Want to get back to being a high level athlete that can do powerlifting, ninja gym, Spartan Race, etc... but am not seeing enough success stories of this level to make me feel comfortable. If it's highly unlikely that I can get back to doing these things even after the bones have fused, I don't see the point. Please help!
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Long version: Hi all, I'm 42 years old and on Monday am due to have what seems to be the very common L5-S1 fusion via ALIF/PSF due to pars fractures and grade 2 spondylolisthesis with disc degeneration. After my last visit with my surgeon I am growing more and more uncomfortable by the day. Before that I was excited about the prospect of getting my athletic life back. Basically what happened was I was speaking with the doctor's PA about the upcoming procedure and he threw in that I would be getting a gill laminectomy as part of the surgery which had never been mentioned prior. I asked the first three doctors I visited for referrals specifically if they felt I would need this and they all said no because it seemed I had plenty of space in my foraminal canal and foraminal stenosis had not progressed to the point that they felt I needed it (which explains why I don't YET have numbness or tingling). This was not a question I asked this doctor (stupidly) because I felt I had the answer since the other three doctors were all in agreement about me not needing it and I was more concerned with the ALIF procedure since the other three had suggested a TLIF. After he dropped that bomb on me, I questioned the PA about this and he ended up bringing in the doctor who started asking me about numbness and tingling which I had told him before I did not have. Then he said "ok, we won't do the laminectomy" but it almost seemed like either I talked him out of it or that he was potentially just saying to himself "whatever you want buddy" and if I have issues down the road it's on me. If he really thought I needed it I feel he should have defended his position more and if he didn't think I needed it, why did he want to do it in the first place? Keep in mind this is one of the most respected and highly decorated spinal surgeons in the Austin area. After I got home I started doing more and more research not just on the procedure and stuff like that but also stories from others which I had been avoiding because I know a lot of times people only post reviews and share their experiences when something has gone wrong and I didn't want to have my mind corrupted by what could be 5% of the results. What I have found has both reinforced why I didn't want to read about the surgeries of others but it has also managed to make me really paranoid about the procedure to the point that I'm on the verge of calling it off. What I need are some solid opinions of others that have had that exact surgery or know a lot about it to help me make up my mind.
A bit of background so you can have a better idea what my situation looks like. According to the surgeon, I likely suffered my pars fractures in high school (likely due to being a 50 foot 215 lb triple jumper if I had to guess) but didn't notice any symptoms until I was close to my mid 20s. Basically, I would have a herniation maybe once or twice a year after I stopped lifting weights at 22 for a couple of years due to a knee injury. I believe this is because my core was doing its job and when I let it go along with the rest of my muscles, the back issues reared their ugly head. After I decided to start lifting again at 25 I didn't really have any issues until I reinjured my meniscus again in the Air Force which forced another lengthy period of not lifting. When I came back, I did so too quickly and hurt my back pretty badly on deadlift due to my core giving out on the way down after going too heavy too early. Since then (about 2007) I would have 1-3 herniations a year from stupid stuff like bending down too fast to pick up my cat or tie my shoe without bracing properly but was still able to lift freely (over 500 lb. deadlift, 500 lb. squat, etc...) up until 2020 (oddly enough the week the U.S. started to shut down due to Covid). I was doing some deep squats with only 225 as a warm up and felt my back get really tight and audibly pop at the bottom of the squat. Since then I have had pressure in my lower back constantly that only seems to get better with hanging from something until I again hear and feel that pop in my lower back. This relief of course doesn't last but does seem to help a bit. My guess is that the spondylolisthesis (about 7mm now...grade 2) slipped a little bit further to the point that I am now feeling it all the time. Since then I have been unable to squat heavier than about 225 properly without serious discomfort and can't really push myself past about 400 on deadlift before I start to get worried about breaking form.
Things I've tried to avoid surgery:
Yoga (didn't realize that a lot of the back helping suggestions such as cobra pose and cat cow were really bad for my specific condition)
Physical Therapy (The guy told he that I had already done everything he would have me do)
Stretching (Got to where I could put my foot behind my head for the first time since high school and all my other stretches had similar results)
Chiropractor (no relief)
Corticosteroid injection (which seems to have helped but not enough to make me feel like I'm good to go)
Core strengthening (does seem to help but it's hard for me to work my core like I used to due to pain)
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Right now I can still dunk a basketball, trap bar deadlift over 400, squat over 225 and do pretty much anything else I want to do but I definitely can't push myself anywhere close to what I could before the incident in 2020 mentioned above and I really don't enjoy working out as much if I can't reach new heights.
My whole reasoning for getting surgery:

1. Get back to being an athlete again (I have seen some success stories on here and YouTube such as people getting back into BJJ or powerlifting). As mentioned above I can still do a lot of athletic things but I pay for it. If I go play basketball I risk a herniation and at best I'm going to be stiff the next day. My doctor assured me that if the fusion is successful I should be able to get back to full activity but I'm talking about 500+lb deadlifts (with perfect form of course), 500+lb squats, power clean, clean and press, etc...
2. Get it done while I'm healthy and in shape as opposed to in my 50s or 60s and might not be able to recover as well.
3. Get it done before I finally have kids in 2024 or 2025 so their dad can pick them up and play with them without fear.
4. Get it done before I have numbness or tingling or drop foot which does not sound fun at all.

Reasons I'm now scared:

1. I am not seeing as many stories about people getting back to a very high level of activity as I would like. I want to be able to train with no restrictions while obviously respecting the hardware in my back and keeping my form perfect. Ninja gym, Spartan Race, powerlifting meet, etc... If I can't do these things then what is the point? I can function well enough now that I think I can avoid the surgery forever by just keeping my core strong, perhaps wearing the brace I got for after surgery and avoiding anything that could cause the spondy to slip further. I was lead to believe that once the bones had healed I would be good to go. Now I'm not so sure. Have many of you gotten back to the level of activity that I'm hoping for? I know a lot of people would probably be thrilled to walk or be able to sleep without pain but I need more or again, why do it?
2. What if I did need the gill laminectomy but the guy just rolled over when I challenged him on it?
3. I'm going to feel really stupid if I go from being able to walk and run just fine to having a hard time with daily activities due to complications from surgery just because I couldn't just let my desire to be able to dunk at 50 go gracefully. Is the success rate of this procedure worth the risk if I'm not too bad off?
4. I'm a PE teacher and I'm afraid that if this doesn't heal correctly it could have a big impact on my ability to do my job which I can do now without too many issues. Will I be able to tie a 6 year old's shoe once I'm healed up or is this gone forever?
5. I do not like taking drugs (barely take Advil...no alcohol, tobacco, opioids, weed, etc...) and do not like the idea of being in so much pain that I HAVE to take them for more than a few days. Hearing stories about people still on pain meds weeks later alone makes me almost want to call it off. Is it possible I can be off in a few days?

Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated. I have about 36 hours do decide one way or the other. I was told that these surgeries have a high success rate but what I'm seeing online is making me highly doubt that. Assuming I do everything I'm supposed to on the path to recovery and wait until successful fusion, again, is this procedure and the possible complications worth it or should I just give up on my former abilities completely and only do safe activities that will hopefully prevent further slippage and wear my brace religiously?

Backstory (important)
I(26F) live in a home with two other people(M30 and F47) one of them being the landlord(F47), she has 3 dogs, 1 parrot, and 5 reptiles(two geckos, one turtle, one tortoise, one bearded dragon).
The home is extremely hoarded and filthy so I usually only stay in my room unless I need to use the bathroom or want to cook. (Cooking is ordeal because of the fact there is no space to cook and you have to sanitize everything before using it) She regularly neglects her animals, not cleaning after them or their cages for months.
When I first moved in I regularly would clean the floors and try to tidy the areas but after receiving notes to not touch her stuff or move ANYTHING, as well as noticing I was the only one attempting to clean, I stopped. It’s important to note here that by moving her belongings I would pick them up off the floor and try to stack them out of the way so furniture was useable, she has the three ottomans/small couches and the space around them so full of miscellaneous items you can not sit down.
The landlord regularly goes on vacation and will leave lists of chores to be done by the time she gets back, cleaning the floors, sinks, bathtub, bathroom, kitchen, etc. Except she does not want any of her belongings moved. The way the home is hoarded it’s impossible to clean properly without moving things out of the way. I began refusing to do anything on the list because #1 I felt it wasn’t right she leave that for myself and roommate when she is leaving for a vacation. #2 she never bothers to do any of the stuff on the list. #3 it’s not possible to clean without moving her belongings.
She confronted me after returning from her latest vacation and asked me why I haven’t been “helping around the house”. I explained the 3 reasons I gave above and she told me helping was the least I could do with the rent being so cheap.
AITA for not “helping around the house?”

The silly turn signal design on my Versys left me with a nice clean-edged break in my lower fairing after a drop from stopped. I've got all the pieces, and I'm going to glue them back together with one of

1. Permatex (Black) Plastic Welder, reinforced by fiberglass tape, or
2. homemade ABS slurry (ABS dissolved in acetone)

Any recommendations for which approach I should take? I lean towards the Permatex because it looks like it will also weld, not bond, the ABS, and because it's easier to buy than to make the slurry.
(And just to avoid digressions: I know about drilling out the end of cracks, and I know about removing the clamp on the back of the turn signals to prevent them taking out the fairing, will be doing that to both signals while I'm at it!)

So I was sparring with a good buddy from my gym, and we're both large men, I weigh in at about 235, and he at about 255. At one point, he has me in the back clinch, and I feel him start to pick me up. Before I knew it, I had been suplexed, but here's the kicker. He suplexed me through the mat, not into it, but through it. The mat was completely destroyed, big hole right through the middle, and the floor beneath was in rough shape too. We were both kicked out and banned for life. I tried to appeal and asked them how it was my fault that my partner slammed me, they only said I could have done more to avoid the incident. What could I have done to avoid being slammed through the mat?

Backstory (important)
I(26F) live in a home with two other people(M30 and F47) one of them being the landlord(F47), she has 3 dogs, 1 parrot, and 5 reptiles(two geckos, one turtle, one tortoise, one bearded dragon).
The home is extremely hoarded and filthy so I usually only stay in my room unless I need to use the bathroom or want to cook. (Cooking is ordeal because of the fact there is no space to cook and you have to sanitize everything before using it) She regularly neglects her animals, not cleaning after them or their cages for months.
When I first moved in I regularly would clean the floors and try to tidy the areas but after receiving notes to not touch her stuff or move ANYTHING, as well as noticing I was the only one attempting to clean, I stopped. It’s important to note here that by moving her belongings I would pick them up off the floor and try to stack them out of the way so furniture was useable, she has the three ottomans/small couches and the space around them so full of miscellaneous items you can not sit down.
The landlord regularly goes on vacation and will leave lists of chores to be done by the time she gets back, cleaning the floors, sinks, bathtub, bathroom, kitchen, etc. Except she does not want any of her belongings moved. The way the home is hoarded it’s impossible to clean properly without moving things out of the way. I began refusing to do anything on the list because #1 I felt it wasn’t right she leave that for myself and roommate when she is leaving for a vacation. #2 she never bothers to do any of the stuff on the list. #3 it’s not possible to clean without moving her belongings.
She confronted me after returning from her latest vacation and asked me why I haven’t been “helping around the house”. I explained the 3 reasons I gave above and she told me helping was the least I could do with the rent being so cheap.
AITA for not “helping around the house?”

I have been using Arc browser and been liking it well enough...but...I think I want to try every single browser that has it's tabs on the top instead of the side because I think I may prefer that over them being on the side to be honest. I do keep my tabs hidden on Arc, and it makes the browser look super super clean. But I think functionally for what I do in my browser...having tabs on top may be best for me. But idk for sure yet, just wanna test out all the ones that have them on top and see how it goes.
Here's ones I could think off top and with a quick google search that I already have noted and am going to try (If anyone has any to add please let me know, they can be super mainstream or underground. I want to try as many as possible):
Google Chrome
Opera
Opera GX
Firefox
Safari (Although I would personally never use Safari on any device because i hate the mobile and non mobile versions of it personally)
Vivaldi
Brave
Flock
Tor
Min
Beaker
Chromium
Citrio
Epic
Gnome
Internet Explorer
Line Mode
Naver whale
Pale Moon
Rocat
Water Fox
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My wife and I are thinking of getting rid of our 2008 Saturn Outlook and move up to a 2014-2019 Toyota Highlander. I’d like to get some feedback about the sanity or insanity of the deal I’m looking for:
DFW or Houston metros. I’m willing to travel to either one, but DFW is closer.
-Toyota Highlander -Clean Title -Under 90k miles -Limited or Limited Platinum because we’d like what we have with the Outlook: -leather seats -captain seats in the second row -3 kids’ bench at the back (that’s why nothing before 2014 works in this scenario)
preferred but not deal breakers:
-running boards -roof rack -video screen for the back (Outlook has it… we’ll miss it 😢 but we’ll manage). -not Blizzard Pearl to avoid the peeling problem (this one seems like a gamble).
Total OTD: $25k max No trades
Is this insane or is there a chance?
Bonus question: if I mention cash purchase will I be received at a dealer with less interest to negotiate the price?

hi everyone, i relapsed in may after nearly 4 months clean, and i told my partner when it happened. he thinks that i stopped using 3 weeks ago and i actually stayed sober for 3 days at that point but since then i keep going back to using after 2-3 days clean. i managed to hide it from everyone but today i went to the bathroom for a line while we were out and when i got back i had coke on my face and didn’t know. he saw it and his mood changed instantly but didn’t say anything. i noticed the change but didn’t know what caused it. we haven’t spoken since he dropped me home 7hrs ago (we usually talk on ft or text before going to bed). i only noticed my face once i got home. i’m sure that he definitely saw it and that’s why his mood changed.
the thing is, every time i slip back, i want to tell him but i get so embarrassed that i don’t. i want to get sober so bad but i keep going back. after i realised how much i’d messed up, i called my sponsor and finally blocked my dealer’s number. i’ve been in online 12 step meetings since and i’m going to a physical one tomorrow morning.
the thing that’s weighing on my mind is the fact that this is my first healthy relationship EVER. it’s also the first one where my emotional stability doesn’t rely on my partner and i’m not obsessed or constantly seeking validation. tbh it’s the first time that being with someone doesn’t feel like being on drugs. i finally feel understood and i now know that romantic relationships don’t have to be chaotic or dramatic. i also don’t feel the usual intense fear of abandonment that characterises my relationships, as a person with borderline personality disorder.
however, i can acknowledge that my actions and dishonesty are hurtful to him and our relationship, and i don’t want to lose what we have. tbh idk i feel like this is self sabotage lol. but yeah, long story short, i really to come clean and address it sooner that later. just not sure how to go about it?

My (31m) wife (28m) have been together for about 8 years. We met via an online dating app at the time and she was just about done with dating but figured what's the harm of one more date. I mentioned I was tall and that seemed to hit the mark. Things went quite well and steady at first. She was an au pair in from Sweden and I lived/worked in the area. Eventually she needed to move back and we couldn't set roots in the USA due to many problems that don't really matter here.
So I decide to make the trip and move to her. Sold pretty much everything I owned, packed what little was left and made the big adjustment. It wasn't my first time in the country, but it did take some adjustment. Several years in fact. In Sweden, a majority of the population speaks English already but it's not the common language. So family events were quite strange, and distant. But I tried paying no mind to it as anyone newly person in love would do.
After a year and a half of dating, I decided to pop the question, we got married, had a wonderful event, and a year later we had our honeymoon to Greece. It was glorious. We did everything I'd hoped for to prepare, had a fantastic time, shared a lot of memories, and just loved one another so much.
I've always been a supportive and caring person, but maybe too much? When it came to wanting to buy an apartment, I offered to pay up the whole price and then put it in both our names. This was mainly because I made quite a lot of money with the work that I do.
After moving in, her daily routine is basically - wake up, go to work, come home, and sleep on the couch all day. We also don't go out on dates anymore, or when she does anything out - I'm not invited. She just goes and doesn't say anything.
I've also been thinking about the situation of kids a lot lately. But sadly, anytime I initiate for sex, she's often turning me down or just not interested. The most intimacy we have nowadays is maybe a kiss per day (more like a peck) and then sex maybe once every 2-4 months (if I'm lucky). When I approached her about the sex, her reasoning was that she doesn't feel clean and would only want to do it if we both showered but also that she'd want to initiate instead... but in my head I'm like, when? Because if there's no romance in the home, or loving support, then where does the interest come from?
To add - we recently went to her brothers for a summer BBQ and even to this day it's still the same problem. Most of her family just speaks Swedish and I'm left to be by myself and in my world/on the phone while they just do their thing. All the family events are like this. I also don't know most of her friends at all these days, and she has zero interest in asking about my day, the work I do, or the friends I hang out with.
I just don't know what to do 😞 - so - WIBTA for believing that I'm not feeling loved in a hopeless marriage?

Schlatt takes out his wallet and pulls out a card.
Mika (suddenly enthused): What's that, a gram?
Schlatt: New card. What do you think?
Mika lifts it up and examines the lettering carefully.
Mika: Whoa. Very nice. Take a look.
He hands it to Astro.
Schlatt: Picked them up from the printers yesterday.
Astro: Good coloring.
Schlatt: That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.
Mika (envious): Silian Rail?
Astro: It is very cool, Bateman. But that's nothing.
He pulls a card out of his wallet and slaps it on the table.]
Astro: Look at this.
They all lean forward to inspect it.
Apandah: That's really nice.
Schlatt clenches his fists beneath the table, trying to control his anxiety.
Astro: Eggshell with Romalian type.
(Turning to Schlatt)
What do you think?
Schlatt (barely able to breathe, his voice a croak): Nice.
Apandah(holding the card up to the light): Jesus. This is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?
Schlatt stares at his own card and then enviously at Astro's.
Schlatt (V.O.): I can't believe that Apandah prefers Astro's card to mine.
Apandah: But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet.
He holds up his own card.
Apandah: Raised lettering, pale nimbus white...
Schlatt (choking with anxiety): Impressive. Very nice. Let's see Moist’s card.
Apandah pulls a card from an inside coat pocket and holds it up for their inspection: "Moist, PIERCE & PIERCE, MERGERS AND ACQUISITIONS." Schlatt swallows, speechless. The sound in the room dies down and all we hear is a faint heartbeat as Bateman stares at the magnificent card.
Schlatt (V.O.): Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark...
His hand shaking, Schlatt lifts up the card and stares at it until it fills the screen. He lets it fall. The sound returns to normal.
Mika: Is something wrong? Schlatt...you're sweating.

https://imgur.com/a/VokU5uG
Local takes priority. located at 91911
​
F1-8x 722 wkl bnib 720 plus shipping [around 17 conus]

• aluminum 1.5mm v1 plate, aluminum 1.0mm v4 plate
• 1 new black solder pcb, 1 new red cem 3 pcb, 1 new black hotswap pcb with underglow
• extra feet bump ons, extra screws, new gasket oring, geonworks cleaning rag
• hard carrying case

qk65 wk black with gold bottom fully built 340 plus shipping [15 conus]

• comes with all original accessories
• built with hand lubed gateron oil kings on pom plate
• holee modded lubed owlab stabs
• drop dcx black on white base keycap set [used for about 4 days] shows no sign of usage
• hard carrying case

keychron q10 blue fully built 300 plus shipping [around 17 conus]

• comes with holee modded stabs
• akko building blocks keycaps
• lubed durock pom switches keyboard except frow [gateron reds on frow]
• noico sound deadner [case foam], plate foam, pe sheet cut for pcb foam
• comes with walnut wooden wrist rest

tofu 65 fully built 200 plus shipping [around 13 conus]

• tofu 65 spray painted red. It is built with gateron box inks switches hand lubed. the keyboard comes with a brass plate and is in ok condition. built with holee modded stabilizers, tape mod. and a bit of noico sound deadner alongside case foam. Comes with drop mt3 iron man keycaps. {side note, the keyboard smells funky because I spray painted it, but to my understanding it will go away after awhile.

parallel sequence fully built 220 plus shipping [around 13 conus]

• hand lubed ktt halu halo switches
• holee modded durock stabs
• fr4 plate
• enjoypbt blue keycap set [extra keys shipped in ziplock bag]
• pe foam as case foam
• hard carrying case with extra oring and feet bump ons

drop dcx hyperfuse 60 plus shipping [around 6]

• new never used

drop mt3 marvel captain america 50 shipped for 6

• new never used

drop mt3 marvel infinity war 50 shipped for 6

• used for less than a week, like new

A friendship of mine ended recently after I told my friend that her behavior towards me was hurtful and that I felt like I couldn’t open up to/talk to her about it (felt like I was walking on eggshells).
I made sure to use “I” statements and was as honest and transparent as possible. This was an important friendship to me and I was open to working through it.
My friend deflected, made it seem like it was my fault, and then ghosted me after I sent a text explaining that I just didn’t feel safe opening up to her and why.
Now my brain is searching for any rhyme or reason as to why it’s my fault, why I shouldn’t have opened up in the first place, wondering if maybe I’m making myself a victim in a situation where I’m not, or if I’m blowing things out of proportion etc.
I’m losing sleep due to all the overthinking, despite my therapist explaining that it’s not my fault nor did I do anything wrong in addressing my friends hurtful behavior.
What advice do y’all for ending this cycle of ruminating? Usually I’d talk to my therapist but I don’t see her until Tuesday

I gave everything for her... literally everything.
We had so many beautiful moments together, I was her FP and she supported me so much. I felt so safe with her, I've never experience something like that in my life.
But now she is with someone who is infinitely better in every aspect than me and now they are going to be together in the way I always wanted and he's going to receive all her undivided love and support.
This is all my fault, I tried to be the best person I could be for her and spent the rest of my life at her side but that's impossible.
I want her to be happy, I really want that so much but this is destroying me.
My medication isn't helping anymore, I just want to dissapear and never feel anything again. I'm fighting against all my intrussive thoughts but my mind and body desperately want to just die.
I'm feeling like I'm the biggest piece of shit that ever existed, I don't deserve anything good in my life.
I'm tired, sick and hopeless.
But if this is the cost for her to have a good life then so be it.

Any suggestions?

Yeah, the above.
I have both sleep onset and maintenance insomnia after diagnosed in November. Yes, November of last year. Due to doctors moving around, I never had any follow up on it and it’s also somewhat my own fault for not doing anything about it.
I’ve decided to take my own actions on the matter. I got tired of 4 hours of sleep nearly every other night with multiple wake ups, even during that short time. I use my watch to track sleep since it’s the best I’ve got to get an idea. Months ago, in February I started to get a sleep schedule that could work for me. I always stayed up late at night, then woke up in the late morning around 9-10, sometimes even earlier due to classes. I decided to start waking up at 7:30 since I started full time work for the summer, to get myself into the idea of it that way I could function somewhat better at school (even though I have never felt tired).
I found that 6 and half to 7 hours of sleep works the absolute best for me. Less doesn’t make much difference, but once I reach past the 7 and half hour mark, I physically just can’t stay asleep as it’s almost impossible for me to do so. I’ve gone 70+ days with less than 7 hours already and that just sucks to read alone, let alone do. So now I fall asleep around 11-12 and wake up at 7, that way I can get 6-7 hours of sleep in the end of the day. My only issue is that I wake up anywhere from 7-12 times (sometimes more, sometimes less) in that span and every time I do, I contemplate just staying up, but force myself to sleep anyways.
The two forms I have fight each other, since it’s both difficult for me to fall asleep (typically taking up to an hour or more), and it’s difficult for me to stay asleep. I believe I’m good right now, but it just absolutely sucks not to have anything to help with the situation at times. Although to all you suffering, I started my new schedule months ago, and only now am I finally starting to see positive results and I feel it will take the rest of summer to finally come to terms with it.
It will take time, you must remain patient and find what is the best for you. Don’t give up, keep trying. It may take me half a year to get it down right, but I’m willing to suffer that time for a better future.