Sunrise senior living summit

* for context - local EU state job offering
I think I had the weirdest interview in a while, a headhunter contacted me via linkedin chat to discuss the position he has for me after reading my profile and offered 1 hour teams meeting slot..asked what is the position and JD, he replied its about network security position dealing with firewalls, proxy and other security solutions, standard JD also with mentions of some basic windows and linux knowledge (have zero as I never dealt with that endpoint part of the network, hell not even switches), I asked couple questions as fulltime/contract, remote/onsite, offered pay, name of the company etc..as none of these were stated. he replied with another set of questions about my certifications and repeated my last questions to me in a manner which looked like low-effort ai automated answer. Had weird vibes at that point and didn't feel like this passive-aggressive style deserves a reply, but after a while I decided Im gonna go with the slot cause I was sacked recently and Im looking for a job, also worst case just "for science" and curiosity of what would come out of this fully expecting something not worth my time. Despite the tone set, I was professional whole time in the chat conversation just to train my emotional intelligence and wanted to experience rest of it for the same reason.
So we met online next day and he was professional, welcoming and generally nice, hes from agency focusing on specific hires for their exclusive client, told me I will not find what he is offering online as client wants narrow selection, told me that here he hopes we can exchange our questions. I generally don't like asymmetry in the conversation about job offers but still managed to keep being professional and see where it will go, letting him have his "manipulation" moment. He was trying to explain to me the reason why he was keeping the whole thing shrouded, We talked a bit about my experience (he still didn't see my cv, nor asked for it wtf, went just by scuffed version from my linkedin profile..) I could tell he studied me and my responses closely, when I again asked about the company name he told me that knowing it doesn't carry any weight atm, that I would either be like never heard of it or fall on my ass cause it is super quality, that this company level is up there even fixing what other companies did lackluster. He wanted to hear what I want from my job in the future and explained to me that it is network security solutioning from a to z with accent on close business collaboration onsite with clients.
I was 50/50 at that point cause I appreciate wfh and remote as 4 last years I got beaten to it until stopped complaining. But I am thinking that maybe going out there might be key impact on my stalling mental health state, but fucking hell am I afraid of being the last person in tech problem without any more senior people above me, with years of delegated boring half projects without full context in terms of solution (you know, living isolated on my firewall corporate island and not being able to see beyond).. He liked me very much, also explained why and on which nuances in particular conversation moments, and that he could see me succeed in interview as being good part of team, but I have no formal certs, only 7 year quite ok checkpoint knowledge and now I decided to do NSE4 just by some basic study and dumps but no heavy production complex experience..just to have more interview exposure (market is shit last months..i see ton of cloud and cybersec but nothing from my domain). Anyway he told me that I need to wow the interviewee with my knowledge and drive since no certs.
..that ofc could go 2 ways as you never know what they ask. I didn't do checkpoint products in all its broadness, but in some moments got into quite depths and knowledge nuggets, but mostly I don't feel super confident that I am full blown expert. All I know is that any task I had I managed to methodically figure out with enough time without pressure and thats what I am used to.
The name of the company is NTT and I did not hear about it lol, but I am impressed with some of financial info and employee numbers. He told me that any of my concerns about team atmosphere or latest technology and benefits are pointless - all should be beyond my expectations, but they require good talent.
He told me that I should take some time to figure out if this opportunity is what I want in terms of my future direction - so no wfh mostly and business oriented mind in providing security solutions to client while being the guy who others ask how to do things while I am owning the solution. - I have respect of such and even fear, so not sure if this is something to expose myself to as my mental health suffered some big blows from various losses in personal and professional life past 2 years in case it will be overwhelming beyond me managing the stress and reality of it.
Lastly he gave me "homework" to start rewriting my resume in a way where how I can transition my knowledge into business oriented way to serve customer needs..still not sure what that means fully..(he even disregarded me sending him my current cv version when I realized he never asked for it and when I offered to send it..that definitely never happened to me in any job offering)
any thoughts?

Wendy’s & kept the job for about 1.5 weeks then started calling out. She gave one excuse saying the job was messing with her anxiety (bihh what anxiety) then gave another excuse saying her mom was sick. She lost that job.
November her sister came to live with her & shay was flirting with sis’s man.
December she let her son & nephew sexually assault her niece while she sat on live & ignored her nieces screams for help.
January she got on live begging for money for pads, then the next week she came on live saying she hasn’t had her period for the month yet (forgetting that she was just begging us for pad money). Then she told us Myson was being bullied for his shoes & said she was going to give him shoes for his birthday people sent her money to get him some new shoes but we know where that money went 🤦🏾‍♀️
February she continued to ignore people asking about Mysons shoes & how his birthday went. She got a tax refund check bc she let someone else claim the boys on her taxes
March was her birthday, she cashed all the way out for the whole month of her birthday. Wigs, makeup, clothes, a laptop etc.
April all the money is gone, she’s back begging. We get screenshots & screen recording of proof that shay is a pedophile. She was texting kids as young as 13 asking them for pictures in lingerie & bikinis. In the messages it shows shay asking their ages & the kids confirm they are school age. Shay asks “are y’all seniors or younger” the kids say younger then shay says “ohhh fresh meat” throughout the messages some of there ages come out & 13 was the youngest. Shay & 1 other person were the only 2 over the age of 21. The rest were 18 & younger.
May the lights are off again & this time she owes $2k & she’s in the hospital bc of she has heart failure. She still eats whatever she wants & is still drinking liquor. She doesn’t gaf about her health. Also the laptop is broken now.
June she tells us “she hates that bitch” talking about her niece… a 4 year old.
I’m sure I missed a lot but What’s next..

Hi! There is a lot of context to this but I have thought of posting this before, including some other people I have spoken with. Some background (without too much info) I have two other siblings, we are the same age and the same birthday, hope you get what I mean here. Growing up my mom has always tried to commit, my earliest memory (3 years old) is her running out the door after taking a hand full of pills and me and my siblings running down the street after her. Things did get okay for a little bit, but it was still hard sometimes as my grandfather, who we lived with, had very bad BPD and they would often get into fights. For example: he almost broke her jaw and this caused her to almost bite her own tongue off.
Now I will skip to when most of this started in a more intense way: In around 6th grade, my mom (who was single up to this point) get with a guy she grew up with. He moved in two weeks after me knowing him and I knew immediately he wasn’t a good guy. For example, when I met him for the first time at a Chilis or something he was drunk off his ass explaining that he and my mom are together now and etc etc trying to say I can’t take her away from him. He and I did not get along, I went to a middle school soon after for 7th grade and all he did was embarrass me ( he also did other stuff such as SA my mom, abuse our dogs, and my grandfather he fell I’ll with Alzheimer’s and early Dementia at a very young age, down the road). As being new to the school I was trying to make friends, and I did. But whenever he was involved it went bad. One time I was at the basketball game for my siblings, they are apart of the team. He heard the people around me swearing, and then sat down next to me and started to speak to everyone and embarrass me. It should also be known that he isn’t your typical Midwest guy, he grew up with gangs and all sorts of stuff, nothing super new to out town. He would also sexualize me often l, if I wore a hoodie and leggings, that covered my ass, he would say that all the dudes around me are going to want to have sex with me basically, and that he would have to chase them away. This was very triggering for me, as in elementary school I was abused by my classmate and he then assaulted me and humiliated in-front of everyone, including other boys in my grade sexualizing me as well ( it was from 2nd to 4th grade). Continuing to talk about that period of middle school, my mom was also not great with physical things. When she was upset or something she would get handsy, one time I came back home late at night in middle school, she texted that it was okay so I hopped in the shower when I got inside the house. Well as I am showering, the shower curtain opens and she proceeds to hit me. Stuff like that, get what I mean?
Eventually the two of them spilt up and made there way to a messy divorce and this did not effect my mother well, who already had trauma from her childhood etc. My mom tapped out, and wasn’t taking it well, basically living on the couch for two years. She was also assaulted again. Throughout High school she would slip into my bed and hold me, which I was super uncomfortable with oand wake me up so she could talk about my feelings. At some point when people in the family and their health failed (my two dogs and my grandfather). It was my job to take care of them, to feed to bathe, change diapers etc. It was something I did not want to do and was hard for me especially my grandfather who sometimes abused me as well, who kicked me in the stomach when I was four and etc. At some point trying to keep our mom alive, not leaving the house and etc, it started to really take a toll and my siblings and I. It was starting to be the last two years of high school and after seeing a SA counselor, my mom would threaten to not have me see her anymore and etc.She would constantly invalidating my trauma, therapist tried talking about it but to no avail.
Things came to a head in my senior year, I was in a school program that let me get college credits. In short, my mom stormed in onto the premise to talk to someone (my professor) and it ended up with her not being allowed there anymore and charged with tes passing. That same night she came home after saying to clean the house and we had no idea where she was, we got out of classes at this point. At at the same time the police were there to give her the papers about trespassing she came home. At this point she saw me and beat me, screamed at me to get out. So I ran out down the street with no shoes and shorts and a t-shirt. To skip a bunch, my siblings and I bonded together to create a plan to live with distant relative down south, that never happened. My sibling ended up in the hospital after trying to go back to get our legal documents, both of them (my mom and sibling) tried to commit while I was at a friends house waiting for my sisters with my phone dead. Long story short I was out into foster care living with said friend. Afterwards there was lots of crying from my end, and terrible messages from my mom who messaged my high school telling them of CSA and sending pictures of our private rooms and stuff to faculty. She tried to commit again multiple times in a month which resulted in multiple police calls from us and wellness checks. Before this happened, the month this happened she tried to commit twice that month and took a bunch of her pills to be numb, her body could not support herself and I would take care of herself.
In short there is lots of terrible things that happened, and through the months I have been harassed by my mom never knowing if she has finally done it or not.
Recently she contacted me again after trying to go no contact with her during the spring semester and she is blaming her attempts on me and saying it is my fault, putting sword in my mouth and being cruel. She is about to be homeless and my sibling sent her money for rent and she has been begging to let her continue her education by asking me to co-sign a loan. I have always been my moms reason to live and wake up and it is all to much. It is simply a lot of pressure and I can’t do it anymore, I sent her a text saying I live and care for her but at this moment I can’t have any relationship with her. She has asked my siblings and I to come move up by her and take care of our dog and make sacrifices for the family. I feel guilt about not doing it but I have my dorm next years and all sorts of stuff. I have never been healthier after not taking to my mom for months.
What do you guys think? I hope this made sense, I will answer any questions!

How long did it take you to make senior analyst? What was pay in your cost of living area and what is expected as a SFA Vs FA?

This is long. Sorry. Kind of.
My husband's behavior has been deteriorating since his dad died in 2020. Prior to this, he was an excellent dad and husband, and tbh the majority of the time he still is. But isn't that the nature of the beast? If they were monsters all the time, the decision to leave would be easier, wouldn't it?
I have three kids from a previous relationship (21m 20m and 17f) and we have one together (6f). He's been the dad figure to the older three since 2012. Their dad died and they treat my husband as a parent and vice versa.
Like I said, since his dad died, my husband has changed a lot. FTR, both of our dads died that year - mine in July from complications of diabetes, his in November from Covid.
Our most recent fight was a few nights ago. For a little context on it, our 17 year old is a graduating senior this year. Is has been a long struggle with mental health as she has had a lot of trauma with her bio dad's death at 6 after a long illness, then the loss of two adoring grandfathers close together during a pandemic that was really hard on the whole world. Attendance has been an issue.
Last week, she had two absences I thought had been mismarked so I contacted the school about them. It turns out one day she forgot to sign the roster sheet with a sub, and the next she was so tardy, it counted as an absence. I was upset with her for not giving me the whole story, as she had acted like she had no idea why she was marked absent and this is not the first time I've spoken up for her and come out looking stupid, but I try not to escalate her too much when I know her nerves are high (like right now as she's anxious about graduation) so I just told her that was pretty hurtful to me, and how if she had been honest I'd have approached it differently and more effectively, and how I really really don't like looking like an asshole.
My husband, on the other hand, got home and over dinner, started in about how often she's tardy. He started off fairly calm but quickly escalated into this aggressive not-quite-yelling thing he does, where he leans in and his whole posture is kind of intimidating. He is also 6'3" and almost 400lbs while my daughter is 5' even and I myself am 5'3" and 150lbs. He was ranting about how we "just" had another call about a tardy a few days before even, how we asked her to stop being tardy to first hour and she just can't respect us at all, she's "constantly" tardy.
Admittedly, she was frequently tardy earlier in the year, but she and I were both a little confused because aside from the one last week it has been a few weeks. So, I pulled the attendance up on my phone, thinking I could clear the argument up easily enough, we could see whether I got a call a "few days ago" or not. Attendance showed that the last tardy was, in fact, several weeks ago.
My husband slammed his hands on the table and yelled,
"Unbelievable. I can't believe you. You can't back me up. You can't be a united front with me."
I said I won't back him up if it means lying to our daughter, particularly in a way that punishes her or hurts her. Absolutely not. I pulled up that info on my phone to clear up the confusion and the info backed her. I won't lie to her. And he kept insisting the information was wrong, we had had a call, she had been tardy much more recently than that, I was wrong, we had a call just a few days before, he was sitting right next to me when I answered the auto-call about it. I said the school's attendance record was literally right here on my phone.
At this point he really lost it and started yelling at both of us, just laying into us. My daughter was hysterical and I told her she wasn't in trouble but she needed to take her food and go upstairs to her room, please. My husband moved to the couch and while my daughter ran by sobbing, he was still laying into her the whole way. "You just can't respect us, can you! Can you! Can you!"
A quick aside - Our six year old was at the table for a lot of this as well, but the 20yo who is currently home from college for the summer came downstairs and subtly snatched him up to his room to chill.
I told my husband he needed to take himself to the bedroom immediately and stop having a tantrum in the living room.
This is where the potential gaslighting comes in. I went in after him to use the bathroom and when I came out of the bathroom he had changed his tone. He was crying, and he told me,
"I'm genuinely concerned about you." I was like, what? And he repeated himself.
"I'm genuinely concerned that you don't remember that phone call we had just a few days ago. I'm genuinely concerned about your memory and your mental state. I wouldn't be this vehement about it if it hadn't happened, Aceface. I'm so concerned about you right now."
I told him, no. No, no, no. He is not going to do that. He is not going to call into question my mental health when he is losing the fight. That is abuse, that is gaslighting, and I will not stand around and be abused and he can get right out. He yelled at me to stop using "stupid reddit words" and closed down entirely.
Regarding the phone calls, I can't use my call logs to prove anything because all auto-calls from the school come from the same number, whether about tardies and attendance or about after school clubs or school lock downs. I did, however, remember that for ever call I get for a tardy, I also get a text, so I was able to go back and find that and my last text about a tardy was in line with what the attendance records had. Several weeks ago. This was not adequate proof for him. He is still convinced, days later, that I am wrong. Though he is being fine and normal now, at least.
This is not the man I married, or the man he was for the first 6 years of it.
He does also have a supposedly "benign" issue in his brain that can cause cognitive impairment, depression, and mood changes. He has an appointment for it coming up. I am not able to go to appointments with him and since he doesn't think he has mood or behavior problems, he won't bring this up with the doctor. He will not seek counseling or therapy because he says it would just be "one more chore."
He is a lawyer, ftr.

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

Company Name	Title	City
United States Secret Service	Officer (Uniformed Division)	Alexandria
United States Secret Service	Officer (Uniformed Division)	Arlington
Kaiser	CDU RN, Part Time - Caton Hill	Burke
Aveanna Healthcare	Aveanna Private Duty Nurse LPN	Centreville
L3Harris Technologies	Director, Program Management	Chantilly
L3Harris Technologies	Program Manager	Chantilly
L3Harris Technologies	Technical Program Manager	Chantilly
Wegmans Food Markets	Janitor	Charlottesville
Wegmans Food Markets	Prep Cook	Charlottesville
Wegmans Food Markets	Food Services General Worker	Charlottesville
Hilton Garden Inn Virginia Beach Oceanfront	Chief Engineer	Chesapeake
Aveanna Healthcare	Aveanna Private Duty Nurse LPN	Chesapeake
Cargill	Mixer Operator	Dayton
Cargill	Tech Poss	Dayton
United States Secret Service	Officer (Uniformed Division)	Fairfax
Aveanna Healthcare	Aveanna Private Duty Nurse LPN	Fairfax
UnitedHealth Group	Field Based Community Health Worker	Front Royal
Aveanna Healthcare	Aveanna Private Duty Nurse LPN	Hampton
VCU Health at Home by BAYADA	Registered Nurse (RN), On Call, Home Health	Hanover
Capital One	Senior Software Engineer, Back End (python, java)	Harrisonburg
L3Harris Technologies	Enterprise Solution Architect – National Airspace System (NAS)	Herndon
Allied Universal®	Security Officer - Secret Clearance	Herndon
L3Harris Technologies	Director, Program Management	Herndon
Erickson Senior Living	Director of Facility Operations	Leesburg
Neibauer Dental Care	Dental Hygienist	Leesburg

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings , feel free to comment here if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Hi everyone! 😊 There's this section on VK where fans can ask a GC character some questions, and the most interesting one(s) will be illustrated by artists. Of course, the answers are considered to be canon, since they are issued by the author of GC himself 😁
Before we get into it, I am not a professional translator, I only relied on both Yandex and Google Translate. Here's the link to the original post, so you may add corrections to my post here 😊
Alright, let's get into the interview with the lovely (and suspicious) Hotch 🥰😈
☆☆☆☆☆
DATE POSTED: November 6th, 2022
❗All information is official and provided by our wonderful Dmitry❗
On this Sunday, Hotch came to visit us. And he didn't just look, but gave a whole interview 😈🔥
Enjoy reading, friends :)
❤
"Hey-ho, strong citizens and charming citizens. I demand an apology for such an unceremonious intrusion on my frequency. Kidding, kidding, just breathe out."
1. Will there be a love line with you after all?
"And with you, our curious one? 😏"
2. Hotch, have you shared a room with someone before? Are you comfortable, or is it easier to live alone?
"One is calmer, but who said that I'm looking for peace? I can't live without any action in my life, so I perceive the opportunity to exchange a couple of words as heavenly semolina."
3. Are you a love branch or a storyline???!!
"I am the terror flying on the wings of the night!" **
^\ ** Note: I've googled this up and apparently, it's quite similar to a quote by) ^{Darkwing Duck that goes, "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" … Interesting, and very adorable 👀\})
4. What have you done to annoy thousands of men so much that they want to erase your smile with the whole camp?
"Charming, I would answer, but for this we need to get to know each other a little closer 😉"
5. Tell me, how did you end up in Cassius' frumentarii squad? What moment of the service is most vividly imprinted in your memory (not counting the explosive sortie ... )?
"Usually gladiators become frumentarii, but for me it's the opposite. Some friends of Cassius suggested my candidacy as a plucker and burglar. The old man turned his nose around for a long time, but we all understand that he had no choice.
He organized a test for me, an impromptu test strip. It's easy to sneak past the gladiators unnoticed. Hacking is even easier.
And then Flavius asked him to surprise him. And he raises his eyebrow, saying I didn't impress him. What to do, I had to return the rosary to the surprised old man, without which he unexpectedly remained ;)
Eh, Cassius... I'll miss you."
6. Dear Hotch, what was your childhood like? You never talked about your family and you growing up.
"It's not the time for that yet. I can only say that I was born into a family of artists touring all over the world. That's what they called themselves. In fact — traveling circus performers ... but... Damn, there was a lot of love and warmth in it."
Note: The appearance of Hotch's parents in this fanart is not canon unfortunately. But I love to think they looked like this anyway, beautiful and handsome just like Hotch 😜
7. What is your most vivid childhood memory?
"When I first sat on the splits and did somersaults. Bomb feeling! Try it. In splits, the main thing is not to sit down, but to stand up ;)"
8. What kind of music do you prefer?
"It's not that important to me, and I don't have to listen to it very often."
9. Would you like to watch a sunset or sunrise with your loved one?
"I would like to meet a loved one :)"
10. It feels like you had an extremely traumatic relationship experience in the past ... can you at least mention it in passing ... share it with me?
"Oh, I see a line of those who want to get to know each other better here 😏"
11. If you had a choice: complete the task or save the person, what would you choose?
"I would have been torn to pieces, but I did both."
💘💘💘
12. Do you consider our group of frumentarii not just comrades-in-arms, but friends?
"Oh, those poor bastards? Let them live, friends 😄"
https://preview.redd.it/di9ycdy14t3b1.jpg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=566b2ec227a084407c92b424cf82dc3eb14de42d
13. I would very much like to know some story related to your past or childhood. Where you were born, how did you grow up, what happened to your family, some significant moment?
"Frostkitsune, why am I cuter in your art than in real life?! Alice, this applies to you too! **
With my family... Everything is complicated there. I think I will be able to answer this question one day, but... In general, I don't want to talk about something sad right now. Enough, away with these thoughts.
But thanks for asking. Memories hurt, but this pain makes it clear that I am still a person, and not a soulless metal bucket with nuts."
^{( \}* Note:) ^{'Frostkitsune' is famously known for their many Hotch fanarts like this one \}including the spicy Rix/Hotch ones, but I'm keeping this post PG-13 so I'm not sharing it here lol]) ^{& 'Alice' is the artist who illustrated some of the Q&As in this interview.})
14. What is the decisive factor for you when choosing people who are trustworthy? Has your trust ever been betrayed? If so, how did you get through it?
"The decisive factor would be the presence of a sense of humor. I don’t get along with someone who doesn’t understand jokes or takes this life too seriously. No, no, I can be serious too, but do it all the time? Pf...
I don't really trust people. To do something - yes, it is possible. But mostly by myself. It's easier. Even during operations there is some nervousness. We often work separately, so the fear that someone will mess up is still present, but over the years it has become less."
15. If you had to take care of a cybercat, would you feel better?
"If a cat with implants is a cybercat, then it turns out that I am... CyberHotch?!"
ARTIST: Alice/Alisa - vk.com/zintazamelmao
☆☆☆☆☆
Aaand that's it, folks 😊 When I read Hotch's profile in S3E3, I immediately thought of this interview lol, I just had to post it here! Hotch didn't give a straight (pun intended) answer when he was asked about the infamous question... instead he flirted with thousands of people 🤣🤣🤣
Yes, there are interviews with other GC characters. So far: they've done Paulina, Labelle, Afiy, Augusta and Cassius. They're doing Stortia's interview at the moment 😄 Whose interview would you want me to post next? 👀

When Wang Xiaomie awoke, he discovered that he had been reborn and buried underground for over a thousand years, even living in a double room! This handsome guy, who was wearing the same red wedding dress, kissed him! ! What can this weak, helpless, and ugly man do! ?In order to revive his senior brother, he collected countless fortunes, built an underground tomb, found the legendary Acacia tree, ... Read Martial Brother, Please Don't Run Away~ - Chapter 26 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/martial-brother-please-dont-run-away/chapter-26

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

My rescue dogs (siblings) are 6 years old and just today I learned they won’t be around as long as I expected. I am used to small dogs and googled German shepherd life expectancy and my heart dropped when I read 9-13 years on average. I’ll admit I haven’t been doing preventative care like I should. What can I start doing now to ensure they live as long as possible, and as comfortable as possible once they transition to their senior years?

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

This is long. Sorry. Kind of.
My husband's behavior has been deteriorating since his dad died in 2020. Prior to this, he was an excellent dad and husband, and tbh the majority of the time he still is. But isn't that the nature of the beast? If they were monsters all the time, the decision to leave would be easier, wouldn't it?
I have three kids from a previous relationship (21m 20m and 17f) and we have one together (6f). He's been the dad figure to the older three since 2012. Their dad died and they treat my husband as a parent and vice versa.
Like I said, since his dad died, my husband has changed a lot. FTR, both of our dads died that year - mine in July from complications of diabetes, his in November from Covid.
Our most recent fight was a few nights ago. For a little context on it, our 17 year old is a graduating senior this year. Is has been a long struggle with mental health as she has had a lot of trauma with her bio dad's death at 6 after a long illness, then the loss of two adoring grandfathers close together during a pandemic that was really hard on the whole world. Attendance has been an issue.
Last week, she had two absences I thought had been mismarked so I contacted the school about them. It turns out one day she forgot to sign the roster sheet with a sub, and the next she was so tardy, it counted as an absence. I was upset with her for not giving me the whole story, as she had acted like she had no idea why she was marked absent and this is not the first time I've spoken up for her and come out looking stupid, but I try not to escalate her too much when I know her nerves are high (like right now as she's anxious about graduation) so I just told her that was pretty hurtful to me, and how if she had been honest I'd have approached it differently and more effectively, and how I really really don't like looking like an asshole.
My husband, on the other hand, got home and over dinner, started in about how often she's tardy. He started off fairly calm but quickly escalated into this aggressive not-quite-yelling thing he does, where he leans in and his whole posture is kind of intimidating. He is also 6'3" and almost 400lbs while my daughter is 5' even and I myself am 5'3" and 150lbs. He was ranting about how we "just" had another call about a tardy a few days before even, how we asked her to stop being tardy to first hour and she just can't respect us at all, she's "constantly" tardy.
Admittedly, she was frequently tardy earlier in the year, but she and I were both a little confused because aside from the one last week it has been a few weeks. So, I pulled the attendance up on my phone, thinking I could clear the argument up easily enough, we could see whether I got a call a "few days ago" or not. Attendance showed that the last tardy was, in fact, several weeks ago.
My husband slammed his hands on the table and yelled,
"Unbelievable. I can't believe you. You can't back me up. You can't be a united front with me."
I said I won't back him up if it means lying to our daughter, particularly in a way that punishes her or hurts her. Absolutely not. I pulled up that info on my phone to clear up the confusion and the info backed her. I won't lie to her. And he kept insisting the information was wrong, we had had a call, she had been tardy much more recently than that, I was wrong, we had a call just a few days before, he was sitting right next to me when I answered the auto-call about it. I said the school's attendance record was literally right here on my phone.
At this point he really lost it and started yelling at both of us, just laying into us. My daughter was hysterical and I told her she wasn't in trouble but she needed to take her food and go upstairs to her room, please. My husband moved to the couch and while my daughter ran by sobbing, he was still laying into her the whole way. "You just can't respect us, can you! Can you! Can you!"
A quick aside - Our six year old was at the table for a lot of this as well, but the 20yo who is currently home from college for the summer came downstairs and subtly snatched him up to his room to chill.
I told my husband he needed to take himself to the bedroom immediately and stop having a tantrum in the living room.
This is where the potential gaslighting comes in. I went in after him to use the bathroom and when I came out of the bathroom he had changed his tone. He was crying, and he told me,
"I'm genuinely concerned about you." I was like, what? And he repeated himself.
"I'm genuinely concerned that you don't remember that phone call we had just a few days ago. I'm genuinely concerned about your memory and your mental state. I wouldn't be this vehement about it if it hadn't happened, Aceface. I'm so concerned about you right now."
I told him, no. No, no, no. He is not going to do that. He is not going to call into question my mental health when he is losing the fight. That is abuse, that is gaslighting, and I will not stand around and be abused and he can get right out. He yelled at me to stop using "stupid reddit words" and closed down entirely.
Regarding the phone calls, I can't use my call logs to prove anything because all auto-calls from the school come from the same number, whether about tardies and attendance or about after school clubs or school lock downs. I did, however, remember that for ever call I get for a tardy, I also get a text, so I was able to go back and find that and my last text about a tardy was in line with what the attendance records had. Several weeks ago. This was not adequate proof for him. He is still convinced, days later, that I am wrong. Though he is being fine and normal now, at least.
This is not the man I married, or the man he was for the first 6 years of it.
He does also have a supposedly "benign" issue in his brain that can cause cognitive impairment, depression, and mood changes. He has an appointment for it coming up. I am not able to go to appointments with him and since he doesn't think he has mood or behavior problems, he won't bring this up with the doctor. He will not seek counseling or therapy because he says it would just be "one more chore."
He is a lawyer, ftr.

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

Since it is so easy to fire America workers, there have big a huge amount of lay offs in big tech in the states. However, even in countries with some protections such as UK and Switzerland, they have been laying off workers there although on a smaller scale. However, in some EU countries such as Germany and France, it hasn't really affected them (or at least they will be the last workers to be laid off) because of the strong employee protections. In fact, I heard that big tech is offering EU workers 2 years of their salary if some the Senior people leave. So I wonder, which country where it would be the most difficult to be fired? This would be a great place to settle if you have enough experience and get a comfy salary and just live life. Also, I wonder if it is common for senior workers or management to transfer to the European office in FAANG or other american companies just for these employee benefits (but I got a funny feeling that it would be the other way round since US pays more and has more "exciting" projects)
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i’m still in shock. i won’t go into detail right now about how perfect he was as a dog (because he truly was) rather i wanted to ask/vent thoughts that have been eating me alive. i know this is all part of the grief process, but i need to know.
on May 31 (around 6PM), right after we fed him dinner and let him potty, Keegan began to shake. our AC was on pretty low, so i turned up the temp and wrapped him in a blanket. that didn’t really help. he couldn’t seem to ‘snap’ out of his shaking. but it wasn’t a seizure.
i took him out to one of his favorite spots (pushed him in his stroller) and he was able to stand and pee. but he just stood there & didn’t sniff like he usually would.
i brought him back and get him comfy in our bed next to his brother, Clooney. at this point, i decided to take his temperature rectally @707PM. it was reading 103.6F. i proceeded to call 2 local ER vets.
the first ER i was able to speak to a doctor. i explained what was going on & she basically said it could be several things: from spinal/back issues, to infections, to cancer. of course they couldn’t see without seeing him. she told me as long as he seems comfortable and can sleep without presenting worse, we could probably wait until tmw morning when our primary doctor opened.
i called another ER vet and went through the same thing. the 2nd vet was only talking to a front desk staff and he said we could bring him in to check his vitals and triage if we’d like.
since he was able to rest on bed without fussing, we tried to let him sleep. we took him out before bedtime and he peed and pooped, again without assistance. he was “knuckling” his back left leg.
we laid him next to us in bed, and he did fall asleep. his breathing did stay faster than normal (60 bpms).
he woke us up @4am & we took him outside to pee and poop again. he was able to do both, but still shaky. i took his temp again @430AM and it was 105.1F and again @5AM 104.8F. he ate his breakfast out of my hand, but we no longer wanted to wait. usually if he had an off night, a nights rest would snap him out of it and bring him back to his spry (for a senior) self.
we arrived to the ER just after 7AM. thankfully there was no wait. he was taken back and his vitals were taken.
the ER doc who was great, said he was running a slight fever (around 104F) and that he’s breathing heavier than should, & she also saw him do the “knuckling” with his back paw.
she explained that this could be due to an arthritic flare up that’s extra painful and just throwing him off. she also wondered if he aspirated any fluid into his lungs. she wanted to begin with administering him fluids, getting a blood work ran, & getting a chest x ray. we said yes to all.
the blood work was going to be sent to a lab that’d take 2-3 hrs. so he had to stay with them as he got these tests done.
around @1145AM, ER doc called us back. she saw some changes in his lungs, but said likely due to old age and no obvious signs of pneumonia. she said his blood work came back and he had slightly lowered white blood cells, and some sort of protein (i can’t remember the exact name). she said next step would be to give antibiotics to try to break his fever, have him stay overnight, and get a neuro consult.
we said yes.
we dropped off his nighttime medications & signing off on his care plan. about 5-10mins after that, we get another call. ER doc said he just had a neuro consult.
based on the neurologist’s exam, coupled with his usage of desmopressin (for PU/PD), they had a strong suspicion of a growth in his brain. she also said his fever was raising & he’s declining. she advised us to come see him before deciding if we wanted to pursue an MRI or radiation therapy. thankfully we just were 5 mins away & got back as quickly as can be.
we wanted him to have an in home euthanasia, but when they rolled him in…it was rough. i’m still traumatized, as is my gf who held him. he was really breathing heavy, you could hear fluid in his throat, and he just wasn’t “there” anymore. if we brought him home, he likely would’ve passed on the car ride home.
we made the horribly difficult decision to put him out of his suffering. we were shattered, shocked, and broken. yes he was 16 but just a day before, he was 100% fine…how can this possibly be? he’s gone.
my mind has been racing and so much so i contacted Keegan’s primary vet to discuss with her. she assured me there was nothing we could’ve done differently that would’ve had a different outcome for him. regardless if we brought him in to the ER @6PM on May 31, or waited to bring him to them; she agreed on the suspicion of a brain growth that either ruptured or was pushing on something to throw him all out of wack.
i want to contact to ER doc & neuro doc just to have a similar conversation. could we have acted earlier and saved him? how certain can it be said that he had a brain growth? of course without an MRI to confirm, it might be possible.
but my mind can’t stop asking the “what ifs”.
what if we acted sooner? what if it wasn’t a brain tumor?
why couldn’t his fever get brought down? how did he decline so rapidly so quick?
i know nobody here can answer these things without seeing all the reports, which i can try to get, but i need reassurance that we did everything we possibly could, short of running an MRI that he might not have made through, to help him.
was this really inevitable and just the cruel reality of living and dying?

i’m still in shock. i won’t go into detail right now about how perfect he was as a dog (because he truly was) rather i wanted to ask some vet professionals some questions that have been eating me alive. i know this is all part of the grief process, but i need to know.
on May 31 (around 6PM), right after we fed him dinner and let him potty, Keegan began to shake. our AC was on pretty low, so i turned up the temp and wrapped him in a blanket. that didn’t really help. he couldn’t seem to ‘snap’ out of his shaking. but it wasn’t a seizure.
i took him out to one of his favorite spots (pushed him in his stroller) and he was able to stand and pee. but he just stood there & didn’t sniff like he usually would.
i brought him back and get him comfy in our bed next to his brother, Clooney. at this point, i decided to take his temperature rectally @707PM. it was reading 103.6F. i proceeded to call 2 local ER vets.
the first ER i was able to speak to a doctor. i explained what was going on & she basically said it could be several things: from spinal/back issues, to infections, to cancer. of course they couldn’t see without seeing him. she told me as long as he seems comfortable and can sleep without presenting worse, we could probably wait until tmw morning when our primary doctor opened.
i called another ER vet and went through the same thing. the 2nd vet was only talking to a front desk staff and he said we could bring him in to check his vitals and triage if we’d like.
since he was able to rest on bed without fussing, we tried to let him sleep. we took him out before bedtime and he peed and pooped, again without assistance. he was “knuckling” his back left leg.
we laid him next to us in bed, and he did fall asleep. his breathing did stay faster than normal (60 bpms).
he woke us up @4am & we took him outside to pee and poop again. he was able to do both, but still shaky. i took his temp again @430AM and it was 105.1F and again @5AM 104.8F. he ate his breakfast out of my hand, but we no longer wanted to wait. usually if he had an off night, a nights rest would snap him out of it and bring him back to his spry (for a senior) self.
we arrived to the ER just after 7AM. thankfully there was no wait. he was taken back and his vitals were taken.
the ER doc who was great, said he was running a slight fever (around 104F) and that he’s breathing heavier than should, & she also saw him do the “knuckling” with his back paw.
she explained that this could be due to an arthritic flare up that’s extra painful and just throwing him off. she also wondered if he aspirated any fluid into his lungs. she wanted to begin with administering him fluids, getting a blood work ran, & getting a chest x ray. we said yes to all.
the blood work was going to be sent to a lab that’d take 2-3 hrs. so he had to stay with them as he got these tests done.
around @1145AM, ER doc called us back. she saw some changes in his lungs, but said likely due to old age and no obvious signs of pneumonia. she said his blood work came back and he had slightly lowered white blood cells, and some sort of protein (i can’t remember the exact name). she said next step would be to give antibiotics to try to break his fever, have him stay overnight, and get a neuro consult.
we said yes.
we dropped off his nighttime medications & signing off on his care plan. about 5-10mins after that, we get another call. ER doc said he just had a neuro consult.
based on the neurologist’s exam, coupled with his usage of desmopressin (for PU/PD), they had a strong suspicion of a growth in his brain. she also said his fever was raising & he’s declining. she advised us to come see him before deciding if we wanted to pursue an MRI or radiation therapy. thankfully we just were 5 mins away & got back as quickly as can be.
we wanted him to have an in home euthanasia, but when they rolled him in…it was rough. i’m still traumatized, as is my gf who held him. he was really breathing heavy, you could hear fluid in his throat, and he just wasn’t “there” anymore. if we brought him home, he likely would’ve passed on the car ride home.
we made the horribly difficult decision to put him out of his suffering. we were shattered, shocked, and broken. yes he was 16 but just a day before, he was 100% fine…how can this possibly be? he’s gone.
my mind has been racing and so much so i contacted Keegan’s primary vet to discuss with her. she assured me there was nothing we could’ve done differently that would’ve had a different outcome for him. regardless if we brought him in to the ER @6PM on May 31, or waited to bring him to them; she agreed on the suspicion of a brain growth that either ruptured or was pushing on something to throw him all out of wack.
i want to contact to ER doc & neuro doc just to have a similar conversation. could we have acted earlier and saved him? how certain can it be said that he had a brain growth? of course without an MRI to confirm, it might be possible.
but my mind can’t stop asking the “what ifs”.
what if we acted sooner? what if it wasn’t a brain tumor?
why couldn’t his fever get brought down? how did he decline so rapidly so quick?
i know nobody here can answer these things without seeing all the reports, which i can try to get, but i need reassurance that we did everything we possibly could, short of running an MRI that he might not have made through, to help him.
was this really inevitable and just the cruel reality of living and dying?

Warning ⚠️ nsfw, violence, [email protected] assault
Background information and to let people know I'm safe.
I 21f live in the United States. I live with my bf 27m. We have been dating for a year and seven months. From our first date I knew his was the one. He's just the right mixture of funny, serious and sweet. He's is an amazing man who I hope to build a future with. He parents and family are amazing people whom I love immensely. They are great people. I am not sure where I'd be without him. He's my everything.
I have been putting a strain on our relationship because I need help. We have talked about this plenty and we want to make sure we communicate with each other and we do.
The thing I need advice about is also the reason there is the strain in our relationship. Here's my story.
Pt 1:
I 21f live in the United States. Growing up I lived with my mom and several boyfriends which resulted in my two younger siblings 13m and 18 m. Growing up I didn't know who my father was. My mom has dated two men at the time of contraception. So it's either one or the other. So one of my brothers is a full brother and the other is a half brother.
My mother was never married to either of her partners. But then one day we got a call from my aunt saying she was coming up to see us from Tennessee with her husband and my cousins which were way younger than me at the time (I was 13) and a friend. When she arrived she introduced her friend. Let's call him Rick. He was a man in his late 20s early 30s. He was nice and my mom really liked him. I remember how I would tease her saying she liked him.. After they all left back to Tennessee my Mom started to video chat with him. I was so excited about my mom finding another boyfriend and I was even more excited to find out he was going to come live with us.
You wouldn't believe how quick it was for my excitment to end. One day my mom, Rick and I were watch teenagers mutant ninja turtles (the live action ones) we had watched the first one but then my mom went to sleep. My brothers were younger so they were asleep as well. I sat there with Rick and after my mom fell asleep Rick pulled me into his lap. That was the first time he touched me. He told me we wanted to show him something. To stay quiet and Still. I froze up and told him to stop. And from then for the next 7 years he didnt stop. Not even when my best friend killed themselves in 2018.
Every chance he got he would touch me, take photos and do more vile horrible things to me. I can't bare to go into the details on here no matter how much I wish to tell someone. I can't do that to someone. It's horrendous... I didn't tell anyone until my senior year. I told my friend after breaking down on her after he had beat the shit out of my that day for telling him no. She was the only person up to that point.
It was like a weight was lifted. It felt so nice for it to be off my chest. I explained to her that's why she was never allowed over with him. My friend was a few years younger than me. I couldn't take that chance.
I was so depressed back then. The year my friend killed themselves I gained nearly double my body weight. I gave up on everything I loved. Suicide for me wasn't option. I was so against it, my friends suicide hurt me and everyone around him so much. I could never do it. But with that in mind it felt like I was trapped. I couldn't die but I couldn't leave. I was stuck.
My grades were horrible. I went from near straight A's to c, d and f's. I couldnt pay attention in school due to the constant abuse at night. I signed up for as many after school programs as I could and started bouncing friends houses each weekend. My mom had no idea what was going on. She had no idea why I hated him so much. She had no idea that each time he came into my room to "tickle" me He was actually doing other things to me. I would scream and cry for mom to make him leave me alone. Each time it caused a fight because she would ask me what he was doing to make me scream like that and all I could say was he was "tickling" me. Or would stop touching me. Because I was terrified He had threatened me several times to hurt me or my brothers or my mom if I told.
One day. I had enough. It was about 2 months after my friend's funeral that I snapped and I told myself I wouldn't let him touch me again. (I was 16) when he tried I slapped him hard...but he slapped me back harder. Making me bite my cheek. He shoved me down into my bed and threatened to put me in the hospital. The back of my legs bruised from hitting the rail of the bed. He left me alone for the rest of that day. Once my mom got home I ran outside to tell her about his threat but I couldn't bring myself to tell her why he made that threat.
She confronted him and of course he denied it. He told her that I was just spaced out sitting in my bed. (I have dissociative spells. ) That are very similar to focal seizures. I have had them since I was 14. They are stress induced and he straight up told my mom that I was hallucinating. They took me to a neurologist which determined that I was having a dissociative spells and then told my mom and him that having hallucinations were not a part of that. Plus I had bruises on the backs of my legs from where they hit the bed as proof of it happening.
Fast forward a few years of abuse. It wasn't just sexually, it was verbally and physically. Not to mention the small things he did when I told him no. Ex. Putting dead mice on my people, stealing my stuff, convincing my mom not to let me go out.
After graduating highschool, that summer I spent working as much as I could and bouncing houses or camping out. I didn't want to go home anymore. I waited for summer to end so I could leave off to college.
I didn't want to go to college but I felt I had no other choice to get out so I went. The first month of college I did very well. I was starting to be happy again. I tried to move on with my life. I got into clubs and made a few friends. I thought I was doing better. The nightmares seemed to slow down and I could finally sleep.
Around SeptembeOctober I started looking at online dating and I found him. My current bf 27m. We had started seeing each other. Going on dates but not actually dating. We didn't make it official for a few weeks. Which in that time I made a male friend who was working at my college as kitchen staff. He was funny and easy to talk to. It was nice to have another friend. We spent the entire day together I mean from breakast on campus to midnight in my dorm. But then it was time for bed. And I walked him downstairs and expected to see him again then next day. As I get up to my floor I get a phone call from him. He says he needs a ride to a gas station because his van is out of gas. I tell him I can't drive at night. It stressed me out and I have stress induced spells. He didn't know what to do so I invited him back up to my dorm. I have to beds in my dorm. Told him he could sleep in the other one.
When I woke up he was on top of me. Touching me and trying to pull my pants off. I told him no and to get out and escorted him out of my dorm. I blocked his number and avoided him around campus. After awhile he was arrested for peeing all over a students car on campus and I found out I wasn't the only one who he had done this to. He has restraining orders against him.
After that night I tried to kill myself for the first and last time. I failed horribly and then got even more depressed that I had tried to do that. I ignored all calls and texts and didn't leave the dorm for a week and then after stopped going to classes. I stopped trying to do anything. I slept all day and didn't even talk to friends or family for weeks.
At Thanksgiving that year I planned with my aunt to move in with her and drop out of college. I tried to talk to my mom but she wouldn't have it. So for the first time in my life I decided for myself and went completely against my mom's wishes and dropped out after the semester ended.
Shortly after Thanksgiving I go over to my aunt's house again. My uncle and her have been arguing for awhile when everything calms down and the approach me. They bring me into their room and sit me down. My aunt is on the near verge of tears as she tells me why they were fighting.
Rick, my stepdad lived with my aunt first before having introduced him to my mom. She informed me they had an affair. But after awhile she wanted to stop and Rick threatened to tell her husband. After a long while she broke it off and told him that it's his death bed if he tells (my uncle is a veteran) so It stopped. Until one day after my aunt moved back up here. My aunt was helping my other uncle (her brother) and my grandma mowing some lots (they did landscaping) they ran out of weed eater string so my uncle and my granny went to get some while Rick and my aunt went to the creek to cool off. (This was after he married my mom) He tried to touch her. But she told him no and immediately got away and went up to her car and sat in it with the doors locked.
(She did tell my mom that rick was not boyfriend or husband material. And also her affair started off in a time where she had major marriage problems. And she needed a friend to lean on. Then after awhile it becomes more. My uncle does not blame her for what she did. )
She told me this and I couldn't help but cry. When they asked me why I was crying I immediately blurted out he had been touching me. And then I immediately tried to take it back. I was terrified that I had told someone in my family. They said it was okay and just let me cry as they hugged me. They said we should tell granny and also ask my cousin if he had done anything to her. I reluctantly said yes. My cousin (14f) said he had not done anything to her.
Telling my granny was a mistake. She told everyone else. Everyone knew besides my mom. She told me to not tell. Because it was all in the past. I should just let it go and never tell my mom. I didn't tell my mom for awhile. (December)
Fast forward until June. My car need the brake pads replaced and the only person that can do it is Rick. (The only mechanic in the family willing to do it) so I go to drop my car off (my cousin is with me. (we work at the same place and she rode along.) He wouldnt do things if we weren't alone. I didn't realize until after I put my cousin in potential danger.
After he replaced my break pads. He told me to get in the car so he could show my why my break light was on. He wouldn't give me my keys unless I did. I thought I was safe because it was maybe a minute ride around the street and back. As soon as I got in he pulled the car out and drove down the street. After a moment he stopped the car and reached over trying to touch me. I slapped his hand away and told him to stop. He almost growled. I told him we better get back before my cousin noticed. He growled a bit more and started the car back up and parked in the driveway. He threw my cars at me and I told my cousin to get in quickly. We left as fast as we could to go to work.
At work (worked at a water park. It was ran by my family) I cried in the car for a moment before trying to collect myself. I got out of my car and got ready for work. As soon as I walked in my mom knew something was wrong. But I wouldn't tell her. I went over to my grandmother and told her what happened and she said it was my fault and to get over it. I told her that it wasn't in the past now and to protect myself I would be telling her after work. My grandma was angry with me but I didn't care anymore.