Nick jr friends around the world

TLDR: I’ve hit my breaking point in nonprofit fundraising. I am a jack-of-all-trades, extremely hardworking and loyal employee. I am searching for new career paths - NOT sales or nonprofits. Hoping I can find work in DEI or Corp. Social Responsibility. I’m neurodivergent and passionate about making an impact in workplace discrimination. I am willing to take a pay cut and/or invest in certificate programs to beef up my resume. I make $100K currently. Advice?!
More info:
I’ve spent my career working in the nonprofit world - doing everything from project management, donor relationship building/stewardship, graphic design/websites/video editing/PowerPoint presentations, staff management. research, risk management, event planning, data mining, entry, and more.
Within the last 2 years, I’ve become involved in nationwide DEI efforts for the org. I lead a disability ERG and serve as an advisor for the field offices. I’ve prepared organization-wide recommendations for making our events more inclusive with short term and long term goals that directly benefit our mission and core values. I’m currently developing a Disability-Inclusion Language Style Guide and later this month I’m presenting to our comms department on digital accessibility recommendations.
I’m a highly motivated, around the clock type of worker. I’ve been with my current nonprofit for 11+ years and have been promoted ~every 2 years. I’m the person that raises my hand to take on the work no one else wants. I’m second in command on a team of 11 that raises $4 million annually. I’m way undervalued in my position and my talents are being wasted on major donors who want to talk about cocktail napkins for their gala for 6 hours.
These donors have also become abusive - keeping me on the phone for 3 hours at a time, texting me all night paragraphs and requests, berating and belittling me to the point of harassment. I’m just done.

Here's the scoop-
Two of our best friends subdivided the lot their house is on and we're considering buying next to them and building. It's our dream neighborhood- next to a park, across the street from a lake, and right by friends... you can't beat it for starting a family!
Where we live the housing market is still hot, a western suburb of the Twin Cities in MN. The way the housing market may continue to go we want to try and jump straight passed the 3 BR starter home to the 4-5BR forever home so that we're secure and don't have to move in the future. Rather than pay $500K for a house that was worth $300K just 3 years ago, we wonder if we could spend a bit more and build for around $600K and have a new home, worth its value, that we love.
We're hoping for total sq footage of around 2,800, including a second story and a finished basement.
We're planning on being owner-builders and pulling in all the favors to make this happen. The friend selling us the property is a contractor, mostly specializing in bathroom & kitchen remodels. He's offered himself at our disposal for cheap plus the use of all his tools. We also have a friend who can do the excavating.
But we want the whole build to be $600k... we need to know is that even possible? Where can we cut the most costs? Doing as much of the labor ourselves? Certain materials? Finding salvages? How should we go about getting general quotes? We don't want to pay for architectural plans until we know we can afford a build so we're in a catch-22. Can we get general quotes off of just rough floor plans?
We are extremely naive (as I'm sure is obvious). We're looking for any advice, or examples (quotes from contractors, list of subcontractor categories required, etc). If any of you are willing to answer questions or talk sense into us that would be greatly appreciated.

• There should be more mutually exclusive choices, so that individual choices actually matter. Focusing on specific themes, like death, nature, or astral, it should be more effective strategy than just grabbing everything from everywhere. Major race transformations are already mutually exclusive, but minor ones should also have some exclusivity with their polar opposites.
  
• Movement on world map should be 30% slower, but effectiveness of roads should be doubled. Slower units generally means more strategic planning, more commitment to direction.
  
• There should be some mechanism for building fortifications on world map that require enemy/neutral units to break them down before passing thru, like a fence. Just 1 turn to break is enough, the purpose is so force a slow down in movement. It should have some upkeep cost.
  
• Have units with special pillager ability that allows them to pillage a province as a free action, so it can move into province, pillage it, and move out all in same strategic turn. Only once per turn.
  
• There need to be stronger bonuses and trade offs between unit types. Archers should have longer range, less movement, but cavalry should have more movement. Right now, later in the game the differences become rather insignificant and race enchantments and other bonuses play much bigger role
  
• Have more/bigger rivers on the map, and allow sea units to travel up and down them. Units should move 2x faster on water than on land without road, so having river routes should be seriously considered on strategic map
  
• During city siege, defenders should have some way to harass the attackers with ranged attack, so that there is direct disadvantage in prolonged sieges and if it takes too long it can fail completely. And city siege time should depend on number of units on each side, on top of base fortification
  
• Introduce the concept of army logistics by having a "supply cart" unit that has no attack/defense, that acts as consumable by armies. Once fully consumed it disappears. It could just give a flat 10% bonus to health, stacking up to 3 times, and increase healing outside friendly territory. Its effect could have a turn limit, so army that didn't consume any supply cart in a number of turns get penalty instead. When in battle, those get captured instead of destroyed by enemy.
  

So, like many RBN, I can read a person instantly when meeting them and decide if they are good or not good (dangerous in some way). I have never been wrong. And I have never had an instance where I could not get a read on someone. Until now.
One of my husbands co-workers. They (and us wives too) are friends outside of work and join bowling leagues and party together. He is super nice and a ton of fun to be around and I really like him. But in the last 2 years since I met him, I have never been able to read him to determine if he is an emotional danger to me or not.
Of course this could just be my first time experiencing it and of course not everyone can be read instantly. Or maybe he is a demon using a man's body?
Has anyone else ever experienced this?

I'm a Mallu guy who lives in Indore. (31M). I have been looking for someone who is similar to me. A South Indian who lives in North India and is fluent in Hindi like me. Met a girl thru matrimonial site(26M). My parents spoke with her parents. Numbers were exchanged. We spoke and hit it off. She was totally interested. To the Point her father was talking about engagement in the first call itself. We spoke for 3 weeks (daily), and then we planned to meet this weekend and planned a 2 days to Hyderabad (a new city for me) spend time together. I booked a Sunday late flight so that I can spend time with her. (both my families and her's know all the details). Went out for a date yesterday, after the date we walked around flirted with each other, at every point I asked her if she comfortable and if she is not she should just say. And she mentioned she is enjoying and she was starting to plan stuff let's go to this restaurant tomorrow for lunch and I will introduce u to my best friend tomorrow (today Sunday). So I dropped her off midway. And I asked her to text me when she reaches home. She said ok. And when I reached home I was already blocked. I'm devastated, what did I do? No closure. No call from anyone. I'm all alone in Hyderabad for the whole day and I'm freaking out. Why is this happening?

I tried posting this in CPTSD but that place is filled with literal children who are more concerned with ranking trauma by whose more BIPOC or whatever.
I have posted before about my ordeal with my therapist shutting down and becoming emotionally unavailable and thusly triggering childhood trauma going back to last summer.
We spent like a collective 3-4 months in that span of time trying to figure things out and how she could actually be a useful supportive therapist. It was during that time she admitted she was burning out because she had another client who was being sex trafficked with no plausible way out. She also mentioned something around this time of being an extreme empath who was an “emotional sponge for other people’s emotions” to an extreme degree idk.
We agreed march 1 finally I would try to adjust to my therapist new style and she would try to work on not being burned out so as to be better at being supportive and etc. We had some pretty good sessions the last couple months. It somehow came up a few weeks ago she changed her mind and she would no longer be trying to be less burned out and would be purposefully very distant going forward.
I had a breakdown because it was like the 6th time we had “worked things out” only for her to change her mind a few weeks later.
Mind you all I wanted was the average therapist stuff of seeming friendly and caring and maybe just being like “I’m here for you” when I was having a literal breakdown (she said she was incapable of that because of the empath thing specifically.)
She terminated me as of last week and I want to die.
I started seeing her for a traumatic breakup. That led to me understanding I had a super abusive neglectful childhood and etc.
Over the years (started seeing her in 2017) she encouraged me to be attached to her as a maternal figure (which she later walked back years later after saying she was inexperienced in saying that.) She encouraged my transference for her. She said she would be my first ever secure attachment, and would serve as proof that not all people would eventually hurt you and abandon you.
She did just last week.
I feel like I can’t go on without her. Just on a practical level, I have never felt understood or helped or like therapists could resolve anything in the 20’years of trying different ones before her. I have seen 5 in the last week since and they are all the same glazed over cookie cutter morons I was afraid they would be. Just regurgitating therapy speak and platitudes.
My therapist was real as fuck. She cut through the shit. She was actually caring. Actually supportive. Actually helped me solve shit.
I know I won’t be able to find a replacement that’s even halfway decent.
I’m personally devastated because the way things went down, yeah I loved my therapist. I told her I did. I told her she was the first person to feel safe and make me feel cared about. To feel trustworthy. And she’s gone.
Everything we were going to work on together - gone. And it won’t get better because the alternatives are fucking drooling incompetent r-tards. Every single one I’ve seen in the last week reminded and confirmed how useless 99% of them are to begin with. And I’m on Medicaid and most don’t take it so I’m extra fucked.
It feels like my soul has been ripped out of my body. I just want to find a way to fix this. Things were already getting worse before the termination in my personal life. In the last few days I found out my best friend is moving away. I would’ve been able to weather these things with her there for me before. But she’s not. And the only other choice are pure incompetents. I want someone who genuinely cares about me. Genuinely cares period. That was my therapist.
She said she would leave the door open to us working together again but “after I had a different view on therapist and she had a different view on therapy.” I think I’m already there as I’ve always been super willing to adjust to boundaries. It’s just her that needs to not be 100% burned out.
I’m thinking of writing her an email and explaining to her the ways she WAS still a good therapist to me the last few months, counter to the claims she made. That I did have hope for my goals and etc. And that I did want to acknowledge her concerns and ask - I would like to work together again with you right now and think it could be adjusted and adapted to work. But if not - could we agree to meet up in 6 months and revisit the progress of both our personal shit and see if it’s workable then?
I don’t know what else to do. Because I need serious help and support. And I know every other therapist is useless. I knew it from 30 years of experience before. I know from already being reminded now. This isn’t sustainable. I can’t live like this. I don’t know what else to do.

Hey there, fellow Redditors! Today, I wanted to open up a conversation about a topic that has deeply impacted my life: living in an Algerian neighborhood while being highly educated, intelligent, and unfortunately caught up in drug use, with some of my friends involved in selling them.
Growing up in this environment brings its own set of challenges. It's a constant battle between the potential of our intellect and the allure of destructive habits. Despite our education and intelligence, we find ourselves entangled in the world of drugs, surrounded by friends who are part of its distribution.
I'm reaching out to connect with others who might be going through a similar situation. Let's create a safe space to share our stories, struggles, and insights without judgment. Here are a few discussion points to consider:
-How has living in an Algerian neighborhood affected your journey ? - What specific challenges have you faced? -What impact has drug use had on your life, aspirations, and relationships? Are there certain factors that contribute to this struggle? -Do you find it difficult to reconcile your intelligence and education with your involvement in drugs and associations with friends who sell them? How do you cope with this conflict? -Are there any strategies or resources that have helped you or others in similar situations address the challenges and work towards positive change? Let's approach this conversation with empathy and respect. Our aim is to support one another, share experiences, and explore potential paths towards personal growth and healthier choices.
I'm genuinely looking forward to hearing your stories and engaging in a meaningful discussion. Together, let's navigate this complex journey and strive for brighter futures

I say "theory" because this is kinda something that is just actually canon yet I see a lot of people spreading falsehoods about it and I just wanna kinda clear it up.
Fujismotorfunction has clearly stated in his manga before that Devils with a human-like appearance are more friendly with humanity.
Back when Fami was first introduced, I made a personal theory that she was going to be a protagonist purely off of the fact that she looked human, and it turned out to be correct. The other horsemen's appearances also support this information, with Makima who was fighting for humanity being human and Yoru who is openly disregarding life and trying to start wars being a bird.
Finally, I'd like to address that the Death Devil most likely won't be a hot goth mommy. If this information stays true, the possibility of a goth mommy Death Devil and a final villain Death Devil become mutually exclusive. Knowing Fujimorning, I feel that it is more likely he wants the Death Devil to be a villain, who tries to end the world, so unfortunately the Death Devil can't be what you were all fantasizing about.
I guess all I'm trying to say is remember to take the human-like Devil rule into your theories

I've never struggled so hard before in this line of work. Not because of the job, even though michaels' sucks, but because of one manager that thinks they are funny. this manager was a normal cashier before getting a promotion. They were fine at first and a good friend to everyone and treated them equally, even before management. since management it is non-stop complaining, yelling, screaming, etc. They follow around every worker criticizes what they do and doesn't do their own job! They love to sit in back and ignore what's happening on the floor. I'm not a manager but i've been given all of their tasks because they don't want to do it. They scream at customers and have a short temper always saying that "i don't need this job it's too stressful and i'm being underpaid" amongst other words of leaving. I'm being underpaid too you know, i don't need to be severely underpaid by doing your work while you reap the benefits! I'm tired of hearing all the complaining and the passive aggressive comments about me and my family. They use their "power", even tho they are part-time and don't have much, and make me feel bad about myself and I have thought of quitting, and people in the past have quit because of them as well, even though I have worked at michaels' for years this is going to be my breaking point. I don't know what to do. They say they have higher power than some full-time managers because they were manager longer... which is only by a few months. No one in upper management really likes this person even the district manager but they won't fire them because they don't want to pay unemployment which i get but they could fight that because of all the harassing this person has been doing throughout the store. I just feel at a loss because i can't go get another job right now because of complications and personal issues but this is wearing down on me mentally. I'm apprehensive of saying something to them because of the backlash that i could receive whenever i work with them, i don't want to be bullied out of the job. I can't say more without revealing who it is because there is more but i just don't know what to do.

I'm going to start this by saying that I have not been in a good place recently. I'm getting ready for College, I've been struggling to balance work, my real life, my online life, my hobbies, writing, and work, and I've had to deal with my mom pressuring me to take more work hours. I've also been stressed about becoming an adult because I'm autistic, and that means I'm going to be playing life on hard mode. This has probably been a contributor to my recent behavior.
My family shares very few interests with me, and I rarely get to see my friends. This subreddit has been an outlet for my special interests, a big part of autism.
Recently, I've been talking a LOT about DBMlore, and looking back I've brought it up in contexts where it wasn't appropriate, and I realized last night that I have, in fact, been looking for every excuse to bring it up.
I've lashed out at people for downvoting and belittling me for how much I've brought it up, and I'm sorry about that. But I realized why I've been bringing it up so much.
If you know anything about autism, you know hyperfixations are a big part of it. DBMlore has become my new hyperfixation. There have been multiple times in my real life where people have gotten extremely annoyed with how much I talk about my recent hyperfixation, and I realized that's what's happening, and that's why I've been getting downvoted for bringing up the series.
What really doesn't help with this is the fact that I never talk about my online life with anyone else, whether it be friends or family, so I haven't really been able to talk with them about DBMlore.
I understand how I've made you feel. I've made you feel like you're being folllowed around by an annoying kid who won't shut up about their OC, and I'm sorry about that. I will and have been trying to bring it up far less, and I will only bring it up in contexts where it's appropriate and not try and turn the conversation back to it. Please bear in mind, behaviorial changes don't happen overnight.
At the same time, I want you to see my side. I've been angry about being downvoted, because it makes me feel like people are telling me that it's wrong to talk about my interests. I've gone ballistic over people constantly downvoting me for saying No Pain beats Superman, and it genuinely makes me angry because it makes me feel like people take me saying that as bragging, when that's not the intention when I say that.
I shouldn't get so worked up over getting downvote bom, but in Reddit culture that's the way of saying someone's said something wrong.
I get how I've made you feel, and I deeply apologize and will try to bring up DBMlore far less and only in appropriate situations. But please, at the same time, understand how downvoting me for bringing it up makes me feel as well.
Thank you for your time.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Entreprenuer512. She posted in AmItheAsshole.
Mood Spoiler: The right choice is made
Original Post: February 17, 2023
I (F45) have a Fiancée (M55) who is retired military officer. I own a successful company I started 7 years ago and have a small staff of 25. I worked my way through college, paying as I went. Therefore, I graduated in my early 30s with a double major in Accounting and Business Management. I am very proud of that.
For a little background: I worked hard for my degrees and have zero debt. I know it took me longer than the typical student going full time to college after high school. I worked full time to pay as I took classes. I went to Jr. College first then finished at a 4 year. I took 2 classes per semester...for a long time. But I finally made it!! I have been "teased" that jr. college isn't the same as going 4 years at a major university. Well, I am proud to have done both and feel the education I received at Jr. college was excellent.
I worked as an Accountant for some large corporations, as well as programming and IT. I started my company doing similar support to large and small companies alike. I have a wonderful staff. I manage the contracts, kick off meetings, Sales and Consulting staff. I also do some of the consulting and most of the sales/contracts. My sister is my office manager, and I am blessed in so many ways to have her.
I was dating my now fiancée before I started my company, and we recently got engaged. Everything seemed to be perfect, except he keeps introducing me as a bookkeeper. No disrespect intended to them or the profession. My issue is that I have worked hard to get where I am. I am an accountant, Graduate with a double major, and successful business owner.
He could pick almost any other "title" to introduce me as, but he chooses "bookkeeper". I have asked him many, many, many times in private to stop calling me a bookkeeper as it implies to my clients and business associates that he doesn't respect me or what I have accomplished. He said he doesn't see the big deal or the difference and continues to do so. I recently pulled him aside and asked him to just introduce me as a consultant at the event we were going to. While there we were talking to a prospective client (for my company) and he says, "she has come a long way for a bookkeeper". I know my face had a full blush at that, excused myself and walked away. We had both driven there, so I got in my car and went home. (We both own our own townhomes). I sent him a text to let him know I was leaving and would talk to him later.
He thinks I am over-reacting. My family thinks he is a controlling ass that doesn't respect me or women. I'm not sure what to think now. He seemed so supportive when we are together, but not when we are around other people. He tends to treat me like a subordinate, nice kid, playing with the adults. He does talk down to me in front of my family, but I always assumed he was 'joking' badly.
So...AITAH for leaving and over-reacting?
Update (Same Post): February 22, 2023 (5 days later) (Web Archive)
EDIT: Update/ I had a conversation with him, after a few days. He feels I'm lucky to have him and need to listen to his advise more and not over-react. The attitude along with reading everyone's replies (Thanks!) I have called it off with him. I need someone who is proud of me and caring. My family responded by buying champagne. LOL
Update 2 (Same Post): February 25, 2023 (8 days from OG post) (Reveddit)
EDIT 2: Had another conversation with the ex-fiancée. "Now that I had time to get my emotions under control" He was willing to let it go. I laughed and told him I'm fine and so are my emotions. I told him about the post and that he should read the replies. Lets just say he was not happy. I did say no name were used, just Me, I and He.
Here is the TOTAL SHOCKING PART: He wanted to know what I was going to give him for his help with MY Company. After the shock wore off, I handed him a dollar and walked away. Told the family and my Brothers wanted to pay him a visit. I told them I handled it and gave him a dollar. We all laughed, went to the store and got more champagne. God I love my Family!!!!
One final note in Comments: March 31, 2023 (1.5 months from OG post)
"Thanks, Yes I have called it quits with him. I know its not OK to treat me this way so no counselor needed, thanks. LOL. Life is good now and lots of weight off of my shoulders."

The only reason I would own a weapon is to just run around shooting and stabbing people that I don't like. At this point I don't give two shits. I would end the lives if many people, just to feel like I finally did something. Because I contribute nothing to this world, no matter how hard I try. And I'm just an ugly, antisocial, fat, psychotic, deranged idiot. And for my whole life I've been cynical and negative. I never could focus on any of the positives. Only because I feel like we are all born, we suffer, then we die. And nothing happens after we die, we just... Lay down and rot. People always say all these great things about me, like the fuck you saying? Whenever positive people talk to me, I'm like, shut the fuck up, I know what you are trying to do to me, and I will not stand for it. No, I have not accepted God or Jesus as my "lord and savior" or whatever the fuck. People only do that just to get a free pass to do whatever the fuck they want. And I don't give a FUCKING SHIT if you think there are so many great things about me and I need to acknowledge the good things about me and what I've done that was good! Like the fuck you want me to do, play pretend?!? Oh, yeah. I would kill people all day if I had a knife l. Don't care if I get thrown in jail, I would just have a satisfied smirk on my face and know I only did what needed to be done, and nothing else. I would also slam babies heads with big rocks, too. Something I've always wanted to do, y'know. Just take a FUCKING DEVILSPAWN INFANT AND SMASH ITS FUCKING FACE IN WITH A BOULDER!!!! THEY DESERVE IT, OKAY?!?!?!!!!!?!??!!??!???? BECAUSE ALL THEY DO IS CRY AND SHIT THEMSELVES!!!!! DONT YOU SEE A PROBLEM WITH IT?!?!?!?!?!!!!??! OH, IM THE ONE WITH A PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?? FUCK YOU THEN!!!! I'm only going to do that because I want what's BEST for us all, and death to all infants and toddlers is a good fucking start. Part 2 out soon

Hello there internet, subreddit, and potentially a lurking Matt, my name is Sam and I'm here to solve a problem no one has! I come bearing my thoughts on my current favorite Twitch streamer, and League of their Own winner the one and only DougDoug; and more specifically his infamous olive oil addiction.
Now, for those who don't watch Doug, I highly recommend him if you enjoy a funny guy, doing insane gaming challenges with things like AI, Twitch plays, and people like Pointcrow, Smallant, and Ludwig. He makes both YouTube content and Twitch streams that I love immensely.
However, I'm not here to talk about his content, I'm here to discuss one of the many running jokes within his community, Doug's obsession with drinking olive oil. Doug, seen here drinking enough olive oil to make the average human's heart pop like a balloon drinks a frankly insane amount of olive oil, often stating that he gulps down multiple shot glasses full a day. It's one of the many things that his fans (me included) love him for. But my question is this: Is there a better cooking oil to gulp down like Gatorade while you're running a marathon? That's what I'm here to find out!
Now, first things first, I'm sure you're wondering reader: why exactly does Doug drink so much oil? He says why in a number of his videos and VODs on YouTube. He's on the keto diet, and as he describes in his Skyrim marriage speedrun he's often too lazy to cook, so in order to get a large amount of calories at once without the hassle of cooking he'll take multiple shots of olive oil then go on through his day. He's even said that he'll consume up to a full cup a day in olive oil!
So, what we're looking for is a cooking oil that: A) is especially dense in calories and B) won't break the bank!
After a quick Google search, you'll find that the most common cooking oils, at least here in the US of A, are: olive oil, canola oil, peanut oil, avocado oil, and sunflower oil. So let's dive into what oils are the best in both categories, starting with the calorie count.
Counting the calories of each of these oils the number of calories goes in this ascending order: in last place is a tie between peanut oil and olive oil at 119 calories per tablespoon, then sunflower oil at 120 calories per tablespoon, and finally tied for first is (drumroll please!) canola and avocado oil at 124 calories per tablespoon! So if you're really trying to get in as many calories as possible maybe consider getting some avocado oil in bulk next trip to the grocery store.
Then again you may also want to consider just how much those bulk oils may be costing you you before running out to your local retailer. These numbers are calculated by taking the average price of these oils between Walmart, Target, and a local retailer. Once again in ascending order, here is how much you'll be likely to spend on your cooking oil drinking habits: The cheapest by FAR is canola oil at 7.1 cents per fluid ounce, followed by peanut oil at 13.7 cents per fluid ounce, then sunflower oil at 19.9 cents per fluid ounce, then our old friend olive oil at 29.6 cents per fluid ounce, then finally the most expensive oil once again by a wide margin is avocado oil at a WHOPPING 75 cents per fluid ounce!
So there you have it! If you want to make sure you're getting a bang for your buck and don't mind shelling out a tiny bit more cash then make sure to fill your cart with plenty of that tasty tasty avocado oil. Otherwise, maybe check out canola oil for your drinking needs. Once again, my name has been Sam, and I hope you've enjoyed my little oil adventure! But that's just a theory, a food theory! Bon appetite

MN 117 Mahācattārīsakasutta: The Great Forty
https://daily.readingfaithfully.org/mn-117-mahacattarisakasutta-the-great-forty/
[Note: Today’s sutta is very long, but it’s an important one when studying the Noble Eightfold Path. It includes the definition of two types of right view, right intention, right action, right speech and right livelihood.]
Thus have I heard. On one occasion the Blessed One was living at Sāvatthī in Jeta’s Grove, Anāthapiṇḍika’s Park. There he addressed the bhikkhus thus: “Bhikkhus.”—“Venerable sir,” they replied. The Blessed One said this:
“Bhikkhus, I shall teach you noble right concentration with its supports and its requisites. Listen and attend closely to what I shall say.”—“Yes, venerable sir,” the bhikkhus replied. The Blessed One said this:
“What, bhikkhus, is noble right concentration with its supports and its requisites, that is, right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, and right mindfulness? Unification of mind equipped with these seven factors is called noble right concentration with its supports and its requisites.

View

“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? One understands wrong view as wrong view and right view as right view: this is one’s right view.
“And what, bhikkhus, is wrong view? ‘There is nothing given, nothing offered, nothing sacrificed; no fruit or result of good and bad actions; no this world, no other world; no mother, no father; no beings who are reborn spontaneously; no good and virtuous recluses and brahmins in the world who have realised for themselves by direct knowledge and declare this world and the other world.’ This is wrong view.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right view? Right view, I say, is twofold: there is right view that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions; and there is right view that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right view that is affected by the taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions? ‘There is what is given and what is offered and what is sacrificed; there is fruit and result of good and bad actions; there is this world and the other world; there is mother and father; there are beings who are reborn spontaneously; there are in the world good and virtuous recluses and brahmins who have realised for themselves by direct knowledge and declare this world and the other world.’ This is right view affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right view that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path? The wisdom, the faculty of wisdom, the power of wisdom, the investigation-of-states enlightenment factor, the path factor of right view in one whose mind is noble, whose mind is taintless, who possesses the noble path and is developing the noble path: this is right view that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path.
“One makes an effort to abandon wrong view and to enter upon right view: this is one’s right effort. Mindfully one abandons wrong view, mindfully one enters upon and abides in right view: this is one’s right mindfulness. Thus these three states run and circle around right view, that is, right view, right effort, and right mindfulness.

Intention

“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? One understands wrong intention as wrong intention and right intention as right intention: this is one’s right view.
“And what, bhikkhus, is wrong intention? The intention of sensual desire, the intention of ill will, and the intention of cruelty: this is wrong intention.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right intention? Right intention, I say, is twofold: there is right intention that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions, and there is right intention that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right intention that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions? The intention of renunciation, the intention of non-ill will, and the intention of non-cruelty: this is right intention that is affected by taints…ripening in the acquisitions.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right intention that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path? The thinking, thought, intention, mental absorption, mental fixity, directing of mind, verbal formation in one whose mind is noble, whose mind is taintless, who possesses the noble path and is developing the noble path: this is right intention that is noble…a factor of the path.
“One makes an effort to abandon wrong intention and to enter upon right intention: this is one’s right effort. Mindfully one abandons wrong intention, mindfully one enters upon and abides in right intention: this is one’s right mindfulness. Thus these three states run and circle around right intention, that is, right view, right effort, and right mindfulness.

Speech

“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? One understands wrong speech as wrong speech and right speech as right speech: this is one’s right view.
“And what, bhikkhus, is wrong speech? False speech, malicious speech, harsh speech, and gossip: this is wrong speech.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right speech? Right speech, I say, is twofold: there is right speech that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions; and there is right speech that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right speech that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions? Abstinence from false speech, abstinence from malicious speech, abstinence from harsh speech, abstinence from gossip: this is right speech that is affected by taints…ripening in the acquisitions.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right speech that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path? The desisting from the four kinds of verbal misconduct, the abstaining, refraining, abstinence from them in one whose mind is noble, whose mind is taintless, who possesses the noble path and is developing the noble path: this is right speech that is noble…a factor of the path.
“One makes an effort to abandon wrong speech and to enter upon right speech: this is one’s right effort. Mindfully one abandons wrong speech, mindfully one enters upon and abides in right speech: this is one’s right mindfulness. Thus these three states run and circle around right speech, that is, right view, right effort, and right mindfulness.

Action

“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? One understands wrong action as wrong action and right action as right action: this is one’s right view.
“And what, bhikkhus, is wrong action? Killing living beings, taking what is not given, and misconduct in sensual pleasures: this is wrong action.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right action? Right action, I say, is twofold: there is right action that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions; and there is right action that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right action that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions? Abstinence from killing living beings, abstinence from taking what is not given, abstinence from misconduct in sensual pleasures: this is right action that is affected by taints…ripening in the acquisitions.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right action that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path? The desisting from the three kinds of bodily misconduct, the abstaining, refraining, abstinence from them in one whose mind is noble, whose mind is taintless, who possesses the noble path and is developing the noble path: this is right action that is noble…a factor of the path.
“One makes an effort to abandon wrong action and to enter upon right action: this is one’s right effort. Mindfully one abandons wrong action, mindfully one enters upon and dwells in right action: this is one’s right mindfulness. Thus these three states run and circle around right action, that is, right view, right effort, and right mindfulness.

Livelihood

“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? One understands wrong livelihood as wrong livelihood and right livelihood as right livelihood: this is one’s right view.
“And what, bhikkhus, is wrong livelihood? Scheming, talking, hinting, belittling, pursuing gain with gain: this is wrong livelihood.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right livelihood? Right livelihood, I say, is twofold: there is right livelihood that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions; and there is right livelihood that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right livelihood that is affected by taints, partaking of merit, ripening in the acquisitions? Here, bhikkhus, a noble disciple abandons wrong livelihood and gains his living by right livelihood: this is right livelihood that is affected by taints…ripening in the acquisitions.
“And what, bhikkhus, is right livelihood that is noble, taintless, supramundane, a factor of the path? The desisting from wrong livelihood, the abstaining, refraining, abstinence from it in one whose mind is noble, whose mind is taintless, who possesses the noble path and is developing the noble path: this is right livelihood that is noble…a factor of the path.
“One makes an effort to abandon wrong livelihood and to enter upon right livelihood: this is one’s right effort. Mindfully one abandons wrong livelihood, mindfully one enters upon and dwells in right livelihood: this is one’s right mindfulness. Thus these three states run and circle around right livelihood, that is, right view, right effort, and right mindfulness.

The Great Forty

“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? In one of right view, right intention comes into being; in one of right intention, right speech comes into being; in one of right speech, right action comes into being; in one of right action, right livelihood comes into being; in one of right livelihood, right effort comes into being; in one of right effort, right mindfulness comes into being; in one of right mindfulness, right concentration comes into being; in one of right concentration, right knowledge comes into being; in one of right knowledge, right deliverance comes into being. Thus, bhikkhus, the path of the disciple in higher training possesses eight factors, the arahant possesses ten factors.
“Therein, bhikkhus, right view comes first. And how does right view come first? In one of right view, wrong view is abolished, and the many evil unwholesome states that originate with wrong view as condition are also abolished, and the many wholesome states that originate with right view as condition come to fulfilment by development.
“In one of right intention, wrong intention is abolished, and the many evil unwholesome states that originate with wrong intention as condition are also abolished, and the many wholesome states that originate with right intention as condition come to fulfilment by development.
“In one of right speech, wrong speech is abolished…In one of right action, wrong action is abolished…In one of right livelihood, wrong livelihood is abolished …In one of right effort, wrong effort is abolished…In one of right mindfulness, wrong mindfulness is abolished…In one of right concentration, wrong concentration is abolished…In one of right knowledge, wrong knowledge is abolished…In one of right deliverance, wrong deliverance is abolished, and the many evil unwholesome states that originate with wrong deliverance as condition are also abolished, and the many wholesome states that originate with right deliverance as condition come to fulfilment by development.
“Thus, bhikkhus, there are twenty factors on the side of the wholesome, and twenty factors on the side of the unwholesome. This Dhamma discourse on the Great Forty has been set rolling and cannot be stopped by any recluse or brahmin or god or Māra or Brahmā or anyone in the world.
“Bhikkhus, if any recluse or brahmin thinks that this Dhamma discourse on the Great Forty should be censured and rejected, then there are ten legitimate deductions from his assertions that would provide grounds for censuring him here and now. If that worthy one censures right view, then he would honour and praise those recluses and brahmins who are of wrong view. If that worthy one censures right intention, then he would honour and praise those recluses and brahmins who are of wrong intention. If that worthy one censures right speech… right action…right livelihood…right effort…right mindfulness…right concentration…right knowledge…right deliverance, then he would honour and praise those recluses and brahmins who are of wrong deliverance. If any recluse or brahmin thinks that this Dhamma discourse on the Great Forty should be censured and rejected, then these are ten legitimate deductions from his assertions that would provide grounds for censuring him here and now.
“Bhikkhus, even those teachers from Okkala, Vassa and Bhañña, who held the doctrine of non-causality, the doctrine of non-doing, and the doctrine of nihilism, would not think that this Dhamma discourse on the Great Forty should be censured and rejected. Why is that? For fear of blame, attack, and confutation.”
That is what the Blessed One said. The bhikkhus were satisfied and delighted in the Blessed One’s words.
Read this translation of Majjhima Nikāya 117 Mahācattārīsakasutta: The Great Forty_by Bhikkhu Bodhi on SuttaCentral.net. Or read a different translation on SuttaCentral.net or DhammaTalks.org. Or _listen on PaliAudio.com or Voice.SuttaCentral.net. Or explore the Pali on DigitalPaliReader.online.
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for context my ex partner and i are both 28 and been in a relationship for 6 years with the last 2.5 years being on and off about 3 times.
Each time it was me trying to win her and get back, each time she would mentally checkout however many months ago lead me on and then kick me out and run straight to a new guy. - first break up she went on dates with other men while i was still living with her wanting her. - second break up she kicked me out and a week later had a drunk one night stand - third break up mentally checked out around Jan/Feb this year, kicked me out in May and has a new guy already.
this mentally fucks me up each time. the most recent time, she lied to me for over a month about what this situation was with this new one (gave me the “just friends”) Started as being just friends trauma dumping on each other telling me she didn’t see him that way, then it was hanging out nearly everyday, then it was friends with benefits, now he loves her (i saw a note on her fridge from him) has asked her out and she said she doesn’t love him yet but it’s going that way. 1 MONTH after kicking me out and telling me she just wants to be alone and heal. That must be a world record. she has this habit of jumping ship straight away every time. the 3 times with me, her ex before me was a 3.5 year relationship, 2 months alone then onto me.
Either i have her blocked or she has me blocked on socials etc but how do i just stay strong and not contact this woman who is torturing me. It’s been a couple of days and i feel myself getting weak already. I was not perfect in the relationship i made my mistakes but i always wanted to sit down and fix it to make this work, where it felt like she just gave up, checked out and ran with the first guy who gave her attention.
and just cause i’m petty, the new guy is 19 and works at mcdonald’s. she’s 28 man.
TLDR: 6 year relationship ended ex told me she wanted to be alone but basically has a new guy already. how do i stay strong with no contact and kill the urge to unblock and talk to her.

Everybody says don’t do it and just tell you it will get better but nobody really cares at all if I can’t love myself and I hate myself every second of my day how can anybody else love or care for me I’m so fucking pathetic doing this but I’m just so sad I pray so hard for god to just help me or end me but unless I’m extremely high or with friends the second I’m alone I just feel so lonely like nobody in the world cares and I’m just a terrible person even if they say they love me and I’m great I’m just so fucked in the head I’m so sorry for just being here I just feel like it would all be better if I was gone I fucking hate myself

I have a complicated inner relationship with myself. I have recovered from Borderline Personality but I sometimes get a little "welled up" in intense emotions, and I'm feeling it just a bit when I think about the disappointment I feel in this subject, which I'm about to explain to you all.
I am in my 20s, so is my boyfriend. We are from different backgrounds. Neither of us are firm believers in our respective religions, but I am more traditional and polite than he is so I will often do things for the sake of tradition. We live over an hour apart, but we visit frequently and there isn't any question/instability in our relationship. We generally have a good relationship.
We, my family, have two holidays a year. (Let's call them #1 and #2). #1 is more important than #2.
He has two holidays a year. #1 (the important one) and #2 (not so important).
We share one holiday that both families celebrate.
I don't have to take days off to celebrate his holidays, as we live in a country where his culture is dominant. So they are like 'national holidays' (not really, but they are treated as such). But for my holidays, he has to take off from work. I understand that is unfair to him on the circumstance. He has to take days off, I don't. But in terms of my emotions, I feel like it's unfair that I go to his holidays, but he doesn't come to mine.
I want him to come to my upcoming holiday He has visited for #1s in the past, but not for #2. We are doing a pool party soon for the holiday and I really want him to come.
His stated reasons for why he doesn't want to come:

• He doesn't want to drive all the way up here just for this, and then have to drive back home the next day -- the holiday is NOT on a weekend
• He is already taking days off for our planned vacation this summer, and he doesn't want to take even more days off

My inferred reasons why he doesn't want to come:

1. He is shy. I think this is the biggest reason... because he keeps leaving the 'face in clouds' emoji when i try to talk about it to him. Like me, he may not believe that my cousins really like him, even though they want him to come over and often are very surprised when he doesn't show up. My uncle and cousin adore him, always asking where he is and why he hasn't visited. My grandma loves him too, and is the same way. Even my aunt, who is hypercritical of everyone, has no complaints about him and is happy to have him join the family functions. Could this be overwhelming?
2. He is less considerate than I am. ⚠️This one could be my borderline convincing me of such things! He is unaware of the sacrifices I make to celebrate his holidays even though they never meant much to me before I met him. He believes his way of life is the default and has trouble realizing that I've "learnt" to love his holidays, and he needs to put that same effort into loving mine.
3. He feels unwelcome by my family. ⚠️This could be me overthinking! It's a rabbithole, folks! I have noticed that my mother doesn't speak much to him. In front of me, she's unwelcoming to him because she's afraid he'll end up being 'a bad man' like my father. But to his face, she mostly just kind of tries to be nice. She also really loves him but constantly doubts the relationship. As such, she prefers to 'hide him' and she doesn't like him coming to family functions. What if this has rubbed off on me, and he's sensitive enough to feel that, thus making him shy to join? In the past, I've left him out of family functions. I've even told him recently to stay at his home so that I can spend time with my family, citing that I'm still developing and need time alone with them. (Which, is kinda true, but you never know how he took it). I think he can sense that my mother doesn't like him. My cousins love him dearly and want him to join.
4. He just doesn't care about people like I do, and he wants to stay away from the crowd that is my family having fun at a pool party. He is aloof, closed-off, and was neglected in his youth.
5. He is afraid to disappoint his boss by taking off from work. He doesn't like inconveniencing people. (For example, [1] one time he was charged $15 for an item and before he could pick it up, the place closed without notifying him. He never got his item, and gave up rather than trying to get his money back. [2] I needed help from his grandfather, but my bf refused to ask his grandpa to help me because he felt like he uses his grandpa for help too much. But when I bravely asked his grandpa for help myself, his grandpa helped me no problem. My bf tried to pay his grandpa back but his grandpa just paid back back again haha. Now my bf loves his grandpa and spends more time with him without shyness. This leads me to believe my bf needs to be "pryed" open).

I am angry. It sucks to admit it but I am. I have horrible, complicated feelings about meeting new people but I visit his Nana's house, I play with his cousins, I don't go off in the corner and work on my computer or play alone. But when he comes to my family functions, he almost always goes off alone. He doesn't try to talk. He has no idea the effort I put in to love his family. Even when I feel/think that a certain family member doesn't like me, I go in anyway. I was extremely volatile and frightened of the world... but I took a big step meeting his mother, his aunts, everybody, and regularly meet to play with them.
Even if his driving issue is the only reason, I'd honestly jump at the chance to take a day off just to drive over and see him, even if only for a day. Even if there's others around... and we can't romance or whatever. At least I get to see him. I'm worried he doesn't love me the same extend that I love him, not because he literally can't love me but rather because he doesn't know how to place importance on me and just follows what he "wants": to play games and sit in his corner, rather than what is "good" which is taking care of your girlfriend and gritting your teeth and coming through the holiday.
So, do I think too much? Or is this a serious deal?
How do I see this as a normal 'push-pull' where person A wants this and person B wants that? Instead, I have huge difficulty letting this go because I feel like i typically let a lotta things go! I let a lot of things slide! :( And I'm observing soooo much about the issue. So what should I do now?
I'm too embarrassed to admit that I just want it to be "fair." And! I'm kinda shy/scared of my own family, too. Not because they're bad people, but because I love them and only recently have gotten back into good contact with them. I don't know what to expect but I also want him to know he's loved... and that my family loves him as much as his family seems to love me.
Can I convince him? Should I convince him? If not, how to cope?
Any advice, reddit? I poured my soul out to you guys. I hope you can help. Please point out anything that is off or anything that may help me. Open discussion here :)

I’m looking for something real and lasting. Something built on solid ground. I’m all for making friends, but my main desire here is to find a long term relationship and eventually find a wife. I know that takes time and intention…but that’s my end goal, and I’m ready to work towards that.
I work as a juvenile probation officer. I’ve been doing it for eight years now, and though it’s frustrating sometimes, I enjoy what I do. Working w/youth and serving their families is my calling…at least for now.
I’m a pretty big extrovert…meaning I recharge by being around people. Though I can see the introvert growing in me as I get older 😂. I’m sure the scales will tip once I find the right person. I value simplicity. I find the simple things bring me the most joy.
My hobbies and singing, basketball and board games. They’re how I spend my free time, and how I find rest. I’ve got my nerdy side, so you’ll have to be ok with that :)
As for you…I desire someone who is affectionate, nurturing, honest with me and herself, and does not take herself TOO seriously. And I want someone who wants to be a good woman/wife to her man as fervently as she wants a good man for herself. Oh, and race/location does not matter. You can be blue for all I care, and if there is genuine connection…we can make it work no matter the distance.
The rest we can figure out on the way.
Hope to hear from you soon :).

Hello! Im looking for a female (or someone playing one) to play as a dragon who gets saved by a dragon slayer who has had a change of heart. I want the rp to revolve around us building our relationship from distrust and fearing eachother to being so close wed be willing to die for eachother in a hostile world. Treating eachothers injuries and protecting eachother as best as we can. For those of you who’ve read Eragon or dragon riders of pern then thats something of the inspiration for this!
Heres the setup!
A dragon slayer has been hired to kill a dragon that has been stealing livestock in increasingly more destructive numbers. As he enters its lair he finds it in a rage. Defending itself from some sort of hostile invading its lair. The dragon, injured and on the verge of defeat, the slayer takes pitty and against all his training and oaths jumps in to help.
Feel free to suggest any changes, and specific details are always up for a change. Send me a message and lets play 🙂 i use reddit Dm’s, chat or discord if you prefer! 🙂
Also to be clear because sone seem to be assuming the opposite. I am NOT looking for a human that can change into a dragon or otherwise. I also like to keep magic to a fairly controlled state. Im not against Magic but i dislike when it turns into a deus ex machina of “oh now its fine cuz magic.” I also generally prefer the European style dragons and for those that haven’t read the books i mentioned, the dragon will be able to communicate via telepathy. They are fully intelligent, in many ways more so than other races, though they are often vain and cocky.
Must be able to write detailed replies. Minimum one paragraph per reply and not be afraid to guide the story along with me instead of just reacting. Also if you have to go please let me know. Real life first always 🙂

TW: C-section, fertility, surgery
I gave birth to my baby boy on May 28th. My birthing experience was traumatic for me to say the least. I was admitted for induction on May 27th due to severe abdominal pain caused by a large cyst believed to be on my ovary which baby had begun to press on. The pain was bad enough that I could barely walk and on top of that, contractions were coming every five minutes. I was sure from the sheer pain I was in that my body was ready to deliver quickly and baby boy would be in my arms in a matter of hours. How naive of me.
I proceeded to labor for the next 24 hours, receiving an epidural about ten hours after being admitted, finally getting relief from the constant pain caused by the cyst as well as the strengthening contractions.
About 18 hours in, labor stopped progressing and baby's heart rate began to slow. The possibility of needing an emergency c-section was brought up as I was also showing signs of infection and began running a fever. A c-section was my worst case scenario. I have never had surgery before and am absolutely terrified of having surgical incisions of any kind, not to mention that I would be awake for the surgery and possibly feel them cutting into me (this was what I thought in my head, at least).
While my infection was brought under control, my fever was broken and baby's heart rate normalized, the OB came to talk to me at the 24 hour mark to let me know he did not think that baby was going to come naturally. I was consistently 7-8cm dilated and contractions were causing such severe pressure and the feeling of needing to push that I felt that the pain was surely going to make me lose my mind soon. I was so exhausted that I would scream through contractions and then immediately pass out in between them. My husband was pulling my hand off of the hospital bed because I was nearly breaking my nails from scratching the handle so hard.
I signed the c-section paperwork, dejected and paralyzed with fear. I felt like I was signing away my life. I wished I was dead, that I had never gotten pregnant, and told my husband "I am never f****ing doing this again." I am not proud to say that I asked if I could be put under for the procedure out of terror. As soon as the OB told me it would put the baby at risk though, I just shut down and resigned to my biggest fear throughout my entire pregnancy.
I was wheeled to the OR within 30 minutes, my poor husband jogging next to me while I laid in the bed completely motionless and my eyes glazed over. Since I had an epidural, moving me to the operating table involved help from nurses, and while they were amazing, they did not move slowly. I screamed in pain and begged them to stop, completely losing any last bit of strength and sanity to grit and bear it. I was quickly given local anesthesia which finally, mercifully took away most of the pain. From there, they pinched me and I thankfully had no idea they were even touching me, so I was ready.
The procedure went quickly. I was somehow able to ward off having a panic attack by chanting "my baby, my baby" under my breath the entire time, and when I heard my son's cries for the first time, it was all I could still say as I sobbed. I saw him and he was alive and perfect. Surgery continued for me as they removed the cyst, which turned out to be peritubal and had destroyed my fallopian tube. My husband held our son as I vomited from relief/the anesthesia medicine, and then it was over. I was moved back to the hospital bed and handed my beautiful baby boy, who was already quiet and staring at me. So much relief and love washed over me that I almost immediately stopped thinking about everything that had just happened, and by the time I got to recovery, I was smiling and joking with my husband.
It's been two weeks since I gave birth, and I keep having moments where I remember specific moments of my birthing experience and I start to cry or get a panicky feeling. I had forgotten about begging the nurses to stop moving me in the OR until this evening, and I burst into tears when it popped into my head. I can barely look at my incision and I feel nauseous when I have to touch it, like when I'm gently washing it in the shower. I keep thinking about the feeling of them pulling my son out of me, and when they showed me the cyst (which I did NOT want to see and its size was dizzying). And even though my fertility won't be affected too much, I keep thinking about the fact that the cyst destroyed my fallopian tube. It could have been so much worse; I could have died if it had ruptured, but the fact that this happened (likely before I even got pregnant, the OB told me) and I never felt anything up until the baby was pressing on it is terrifying. I keep thinking "What if it happens on the other side as well?" I was told that I would KNOW if the cyst became torsed, yet I was walking around for at least 9 months, probably more, not knowing it had already happened and caused irreparable damage.
Anyone else deal with a traumatic birth and kind of turn your brain off to it, only to have the memories suddenly come rushing back? Did you see a therapist to process the experience, talk to family/friends about it? I'm afraid to bring it up to my husband because everything was very traumatic for him to witness as well, to the point where he tears up when he talks about it and would rather forget it. My mother was also with me up until I went to the OR and she can't talk about it without crying either. I feel like it's too much information for anyone else close to me. I wrote all of this out as an outlet to process, but I am worried about developing PPA or PPD by not addressing these memories/emotions. Anyway, thanks for reading.

I wanted to make this post a long time ago. It's something I felt for so long but I couldn't bring myself to ask for clarity on that matter.
It's going to be a long story because you need context to guide me better in understanding what I'm feeling right now.
I had a group of friends back in high school and it was great to be part of something. It gave me a sense of belonging, but then I expanded my social groups and I went to multiple other friend groups because I was in a lot of sports teams back in high school, so I talked to a bunch of people. I began to neglect my main group of friends a bit. Then I had my injuries and I stopped hanging out with my other group friends and went back to the "original" one. It did feel weird because they were talking in code on certain topics so I wouldn't know what they were talking about and it made me feel left out (I think, they felt uncomfortable to talk around me because I have been hanging out with them for so long). I eventually left this group. So now fast forward, I'm in college and I am getting closer to an old friend (we are going to call her Valerie) from high school. A lot of drama happens between her and her partners and I feel mixed up in this in some way when I have nothing to do with it. (Because I solely hang out with her, their drama becomes my drama). I often chill with them, so I often feel like a third wheel. I fell off with that friend multiple times. Valerie is someone that I feel I can't truly be myself with and she always judges how I am and what I'm doing. I feel like she doesn't truly like my company. And she made me insecure about how I present myself to the world.
Okay, bare with me. I'm going to talk about two more friends and make a parallel between them. You are going to understand later.
I had a friend. Let's call her (Georgina). Georgina was also an old friend of mine that I used to be cool with. I thought I was close to that person, but last year, when it was my birthday, she said that she was pleased to have an acquaintance from high school that she still knew of. I invited her to my birthday and she used to come to my apartment all the time, so I was blown away when I received this happy birthday text.
I met Georgina in high school before I met Valerie. I have known Georgina since I was 12 years old. And she met Valerie through me, so we became to hang us 3. I always invite Georgina to activities but I never receive this energy back. She would invite Valerie but not me. So Georgina and Valerie became close friends in college and I felt pushed to the side. I had a fall off with Valerie and a few weeks later, I saw they had a party for Georgina's birthday and Georgina didn't think of inviting me. She said it was like a private party.
So fast forward to this situation. I stopped being friends with Georgina because she clearly didn't see me as one of her friends. I installed the Bumble app so I could find some new friends, which I did. I felt like I needed it to connect deeply with other people without questioning my friendship with them.
The first person I met, let's call her Florence. I met this person and she seemed really cool. We still talk but then Valerie decides to make Bumble friends as well. I explained to her that I had met this friend called Florence and I really vibed with her. Valerie matches with Florence as well and now she asks me to hang out with her and Florence, but my goal was to develop a deeper connection with one person without being in a group dynamic and I also feel like I could lose her to my friend Valerie. So I became insecure. I know, I can't gatekeep friends and I hate that I think like that, which is why I'm writing this post today.
Briefly, I'm almost at the end of the story. I met another girl on Bumble. Let's call her Dylan. Dylan is fun to be around and I can be myself with her. I was so happy that she was MY friend finally. I talked to Valerie about Dylan and Valerie confessed to me that Dylan is her type and she kinda has a crush on her. So Valerie texts her and they even go on a date and kiss. They have a huge crush on each other but then something happens & they just stop talking to each other. I start feeling more at ease and comfortable again (I know it's fuck up). Until now, they started to talk again, but as friends now and yea, I feel like I'm losing Dylan and I just want to cut the friendship and "give her" to Valerie so I don't get hurt again. I know it's weird how I think.
I'm also feeling recently because my birthday is coming soon and I don't have friends or a group of friends that I feel close to and it makes me sad that I'm gonna spend my 22th bday alone without deep connection or whatever. If that's being an adult , I don't want it 😭😭