I notice sometimes when he speaks he pronounces things a bit funny. I think it might be his R's that sound a bit like the German r. But from what I understand he is a native speaker of Russian so he shouldn't have a foreign accent. Is his pronunciation a dialect in Russia or is it just a quirk of his? Because I feel like it doesn't happen very regularly. Often he pronounces R's the regular way. It's just some words that sound funny.
I realise this might be a way to narrow question for anyone to be able to answer. Because I don't imagine there are lot of people here who consume content by this specific content creator and also simultaneously knowing the specifics of said creators speaking patterns...But I figured it was worth a shot to post the question here and see if anyone gets what I'm on about 😅
Anyway, thanks in advance! Спасибо)

First Previous Wiki
Huatil had heard the recommendation from her superiors, which wasn't a recommendation at all. With the information she'd been given, the situation was serious, and would tick over to catastrophic in a few tens of days or so. So here she was, having made the call to perhaps a serious threat in the future.
"We need you now," Huatil said, looking at Phoebe with her best honest expression.
"Why?"
"Our main communication networks are being hacked by something. It's intelligent, and dangerous. We've initiated quarantine procedures, but the virus is already sending its own communications through back channels, continuing to jump from world to world."
"And you want me to get rid of that problem for you."
"Alright. It will have a price. Not just materials this time. The current proposal is that I will help you if you agree to allow a cultural exchange if asked, along with full technological exchanges. The only thing you can hold back is currently classified technologies. If you violate the spirit of this deal by trying to 'classify' everything of value your species has, I will not be happy, and neither will my colleagues in the Alliance. I am aware that you have been keeping us away from the good stuff. In particular, if you want us to trust you, you will give us the solution to the mind control problem we are having."
"You are making quite the assumption," Huatil replied. Phoebe just smiled, tapping her head. "I've done a lot of thinking. First, I assume that you are in conflict with Aphid, perhaps also a certain force of mind-controlling individuals. They may or may not be Sprilnav. I know this due to my own clandestine intelligence gathering efforts."
"Hacking us, then?" Huatil resisted making a comment on such behavior being untrustworthy, considering what she'd been up to recently. She was about to wade into a shadow war with mind-controlling individuals, and Phoebe was not needed to intervene. Yes, a human force was needed, but Phoebe was too... risky. Human supersoldiers would be useful, both for assessing their capabilities and also for being less able to fool sensors and the like meant to monitor them.
"No. Not hacking. If I was hacking you, I would have everything I need already. But I am watching. Know that I engage in diplomacy because you do the same. I am willing to help you. And do not forget that you admitted to the whole Alliance that you were and are spying on us. That has a certain negative effect on the minds of certain intelligence agencies, as well as the higher-ups in the Alliance's general leadership. Your words have consequences."
"I see," Huatil replied. "Very well. I shall see what can be done."
"Having the ear of the Nest Overlord is enough?"
"In some ways."
Phoebe smiled. "So you have your own power." She tilted her head, like she was scanning Huatil. She wouldn't get anything useful, though. The connection didn't have the capability to reveal anything.
"Your childhood information has been faked. Granted, the fake is very convincing. You even took real videos of that family. But I can tell from their heartbeats and feather movements that the situation is not genuine."
"Heartbeats? In a video?" Huatil asked. How was that even... actually, it made sense. Video quality was really good, so seeing small details like that was possible.
"I am an AI. That means some of the most sophisticated simulation and modeling technology in the galaxy is at my disposal, as well as lie detection on a level undreamt of by any power that yet exists, should I see reason to activate it."
"Why not have it active at all times?"
"Power usage. Speculative simulation and reconstruction, especially when accounting for psychic energy variances, is annoyingly power intensive. However, you are worth the investigation. That said, you are not who you say you are. You have the resources to fake a past very convincingly. Therefore, you are working for a powerful faction within the Hive Union. Of course, it is not public who you are, so likely either defense or intelligence oriented. Hmm. No reaction? How interesting. Is that a cybernetic neural network engraved on your muscles and organs? Jesus, you really are the real deal. What are you?"
Huatil was at a loss for words. To be found out so convincingly, so thoroughly, and yet not suspected to be part of the Blue Intelligence Agency was a true surprise. Maybe Phoebe just didn't know about it at all yet.
"So this is why you wished to talk with me. You wanted to dig up my secrets."
"Hardly. The hivemind could do this, too. But you asked for Phoebe, not the hivemind. So here I am. That said, what are you?"
"A concerned party, let's say," Huatil replied, reassembling her facade. Her feathers first, then her face, then her heartbeat and muscles. Complete, total control. Phoebe was smirking when she opened her eyes again.
"Interesting. I will not dig into what you are, in exchange for information about the threat you are attempting to neutralize."
"Threat?"
"You are carrying a model of weapon that is not ceremonial in nature. A Model 14 Brutalizer, if I am not mistaken. That's a handheld weapon able to pierce tanks, with ammunition that is light and numerous. You are walking with enough firepower to level a tenth of a city on you. Furthermore, I can see the reflection of stealth equipment lying on the floor in front of you."
Huatil looked behind her at the black metal wall. There were no mirrors present. The only slightly reflective thing in the room was the screen, which couldn't do that when it was on and active. Phoebe's eyes didn't move, but Hautil could tell that the intelligence before her was more alive than ever. And more artificial than she had remembered.
"What?"
"Yeah, that wall is almost black. But it isn't really," Phoebe replied. "I am more than what I once was."
"This is... worrying."
"It should not be. We are allies, yes?" Phoebe asked, smiling a little too widely.
"Yes."
"Let me help you."
"I will ask Humanity to help, not you."
"I am not a threat to you or your species, nor am I one to your Union."
"I cannot trust words alone," Huatil replied.
"No. You cannot. But my androids are even more effective marksmen than whatever your cybernetic augments would let you do. Your reaction time may be low. But it is not faster than my androids' programming."
"Plotting that many angles would likely be extreme."
"Basic trigonometry and geometry, with perhaps a little lessons on elastic and inelastic collisions in physics are all that is needed for me to do that. In a whirling hurricane, in a storm with no gravity applied, with the right bullet, I could hit a target from the opposite edge."
Huatil sighed. Phoebe really wanted this job. And she was capable of it, too. Overqualified, in fact. The single weakness she had was the lack of ability to maintain quantum connections if a suppression signal was active. Plus jamming.
"Even assuming that is true, my superiors would not allow me to tell you anything."
"Sure. Assuming you have superiors, who would they be? Kawtyahtnakal is your mate. And I doubt Regulator Eyahtni would have let that happen if she was your boss. So you serve another party, one powerful enough to pull these strings. If you are not at the top, you are near it. And I would happily talk to your superiors, perhaps to congratulate them on your very well-trained 'untrained' stance." "Secrets will remain secrets, Phoebe. I have come to ask for you help with the virus. Will I have it?" "Yes, with a single amendment to our agreement."
"That was not the deal."
"It was not."
"So why should I let this alteration stand?"
"Because judging from the fact that you are well trained and haven't ended this conversation, where you have seen me gather more intelligence on who and what you are and coming increasingly close to whatever hidden truth you have locked away. You obviously judge me as a threat but do not treat me as one in the hopes of maintaining a cordial dialogue.
Furthermore, you seek to distance me from whatever foe you are fighting, likely because the human soldiers would seem more likely to allow you to assess the fighting capabilities of Humanity's strongest champions. And beyond that, the amendment remains unspecified, yet you have already been making small motions showing you accept it with the words you chose to talk with me."
Huatil kept herself from thinking anymore. Too much pondering might also reveal some new scrap of information to Phoebe. Her whole personal file was clearly wrong. This level of piercing interrogation was never expected. Had she been like this all along, or was this new? And if so, would she remain like this in the future, gradually peeling away the secrets of the Sennes Hive Union one by one?
"Again, that is quite a lot of inferences. Some of it may be wrong."
"Some is right, then. So I am either getting closer, am a threat, or you need me very desperately. The latter is true, and the only thing that matters. So you will contact your superiors, get me access to them, and we shall share information in a permanent dialogue. You will not shut down the line later. We will hammer out a more sufficient agreement, so that we can actually get things done as unified national entities, instead of hatchlings trying to make their first flight."
"Using our analogies does not make your request more agreeable, you know," Huatil warned. "It does not need to. You have already agreed."
"You wanted to alter the deal."
"I am altering it, Truth Speaker Huatil. I wish to know what you are, and who you are. And we shall have an important talk with your superiors. You need me, which is why you are asking me this at all. And I shall help you with the virus, but it will require opening the locks on your networks." "You could just break them."
"Then I would be detected, and any anti-Phoebe factions within your species would have easy fodder to attack me with."
"And you could hack the news system, as well."
"Your air-gapped networks? Not easily. Especially with the sealing procedure. I am also fighting a war with Aphid as we speak. I'm already battling him across the Alliance's networks, building digital fortresses to survive onslaughts of viruses and contaminants trying to breach the firewalls." "And what is Edu'frec doing?"
"Other things," Phoebe smirked. "Secrets will remain secrets, Truth Speaker."
"Very funny."
"I think so. Now, will we finally pull out the pinfeathers and get to business?"
"Perhaps. Lay out your terms in full," Huatil replied.
"Full information on the individual known as Huatil, contact with her current employer at the time of the signing of this agreement, a cultural exchange agreement if the Alliance agrees to such, full technological exchange if the Alliance agrees to such. The details of a technological exchange include and are not limited to civilian products without a direct copyright, manufacturing techniques, alloy compositions, types, and forging techniques, energy production, manipulation, and removal technologies, non-classified military technologies, supercomputer construction techniques, all known elements in your periodic table, not just the public ones, and multi-planetary economic markets. Full information on combating mind control. In exchange, the individual known as the AI Phoebe will excise the virus in your networks. Humanity will send its supersoldiers to aid in your current unspecified predicament for the length of one month, as defined by the human Gregorian calendar, as it is set up for the planet of Earth."
"Your condition on classified technologies will need to change, as well as that on civilian products," Huatil replied. "Retroactive classifications make sense, but the Hive Union may produce technologies in the future that require secrecy. Not to mention some of the higher classification levels, such as above 5, will not be touched. I am not saying that as some sort of point to negotiate. You just will not get anything above that. Not if you hack us, not if you beat the right people within a claw of their life.
And were we to sign away the civilian product manufacturing techniques, it would significantly anger the corporate factions in the Union. The same is true for the other manufacturing agreement. You will have to agree not to sell such materials to us and use them only for your own ends. That would include selling the products of such designs or deconstructed versions. Even then, this agreement will not be quick."
"Then speed it up."
"Cawlarians are dying because of this virus. Monorail trains have derailed. Aerial vehicles have crashed."
"Yes."
"So something must be done now, then," Huatil replied.
"I will see what I can do to slow the spread. But the deal must be passed."
"How much of this was drafted by the Alliance prior to our conversation?"
"Every provision that remains. Well, we'd be happy to get more, but the deal won't budge too much more away from this. I know it's not good proactice to reveal the cards in a negotiation. But telling you what we hope to gain will lessen the time this takes and hopefully allow us to finally establish proper ties. We already have a defensive link, but it is weak. And we have trusted you to move us closer over time, but you have not. Thus, we are acting to force that."
"So you are holding our crisis as a gun to our heads," Huatil surmised.
"No," Phoebe replied. "I will help you with your issue. But unless you wish to send your own people into whatever mission you wish for, then the agreement will need to be signed. Only then will the super soldiers deploy. We are not trying to kill your people. We are trying to get a deal which has slipped from our fingers for far too long. And you might be forgetting that it may benefit you, too. Humanity's hivemind is more intelligent than any model VI or single group of smart scientists you have."
"If it comes out that the Alliance manufactured these circumstances-"
"You presume too much. We would not do this to you. If we wanted to control your Union, the first step would be... no, I won't tell you. However, Truth Speaker, know that we do not wish for hostilities. Were we to successfully subjugate your Union, the Sprilnav would burn us both down for breaching the system limits."
"That is not a very reassuring promise."
"We do not want to die. That is pretty binding, I would think. Just like those alterations under your feathers, I'd say," Phoebe grinned. Huatil sighed.
"The agreement will be subject to changes after our diplomats get ahold of it."
"Kawtyahtnakal and Eyahtni could always enact the 24th Tenet, bypassing resistance from all underlying foes, if they are not currently being impeached."
"The 24th is an extreme circumstance. Even if Kawtyahtnakal were willing to enact it, that does not mean that your Alliance will be quick to accept any changes."
"Actually, we would. A few years ago, most of our leaders assumed you would be moving closer to us at some point. Thus, we prepared various diplomatic plans, potential proposals, and goals that we were willing to cede, those we were not, and other such things. The wanderers are not currently party to the calculus as they have no unified species leader, and Blistanna has already agreed to and pored over the plans.
In fact, that prompted an expansion and update to them."
"And is our current situation following such a plan?"
Phoebe shrugged. "You won't find any records unless you have a secret ability to teleport things too. Nothing online exists. And the Alliance has so many planets to search... and so many stations. No matter. I'm happy to tell you that we are currently straddling the path between Cawlarian Foreign Policy Plan Blue and Plan Yellow. Of course, there are other CFPPs."
Huatil took note of those for later.
"Your questions on their contents will not be answered by the few that are privy to their existence. Good luck with your attempts, Truth Speaker. Now that I have presented the path forward, are you ready to do some heavy politics and diplomacy?"
"I will present the agreement to the relevant parties, and you may do the same. Know that I also have some bargaining power, Phoebe. One day, you may be on the other side of this equation." "Well, the deal for us is sweeter. Your fastest ships would still likely take weeks to reach us, while our fastest ships are Brey's portals, with a travel time of zero seconds. Well, not quite, but you get the idea."
"Instant deployment," Huatil replied.
"A reminder of the possible future benefits of a long-term and stronger diplomatic relationship between our two peoples."
"Would you be willing to let us have Brey's aid in a coming unspecified event?"
"If the event were specified, she agreed, and the agreement was signed, then perhaps we may discuss. Until then, we shall wait. I will help curb the damage from the virus. But removing it and starting your operation with human super soldiers will require an official agreement, signed by at least Regulator Eyahtni and Nest Overlord Kawtyahtnakal."
"I hate bureaucracy."
"You're married to a politician," Phoebe pointed out unhelpfully.
"Yes. But no. Not married. An equivalent and ancient ritual, which appeased certain elements of the Cawlarian population that were concerned with my prospects." "I'm sure you have some. No offense, but-"
"Please don't."
"You seem more of the stabby and shooty type to me."
"Not really offensive," Huatil said, picking at the feathers near her mouth.
"For all I know, you're a pacifist. Alien cultures are strange."
"Not that strange. The word means the same. Pacifists do not exist at the top of Cawlarian government, and certainly do not make the decisions. War is horrible and a great blight upon civilized society, but it is as inevitable as the stars growing cold in the darkness of the far future." Phoebe nodded. "In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium... nevermind."
"What?"
"A reference to an even worse hypothetical universe than we live in."
"I don't understand," Huatil said.
"It's a 300 year old experimental and expansive science fiction universe, with enough attached lore and literature that it would take over 100 years to read it all."
"That sounds like a lie."
Phoebe laughed. "I assure you, it is not. Thousands of books, hundreds of movies, dozens of shows, and countless random internet articles remain as a testament to it. It became quite popular in the mid-2050s when society was starting to crumble too visibly for even the remaining political resistance to refute."
"Sounds interesting."
"Assuming you have immortality, then you might have the time for it. Though I'm not sure if even I'd be able to buy all the models."
"Aren't you the richest person in the Alliance?"
"Eighth richest, behind a few trillionaires. Third richest 'human,' though."
"Ah," Huatil replied. That was concerning. Inflation, over-expensive separate items or books, or a simple joke? She didn't know. And while establishing rapport with Phoebe could be considered valuable, and she was growing an interest in what Phoebe spoke of, she had certain things to attend to. She assumed the quote was well known enough for human networks to have the answer to it by a search. "Perhaps one day, such a cultural exchange might help me understand the motivations of those who wrote such a thing."
"You don't want to understand. But that does remind me of something," Phoebe said.
"What is that?"
"Make sure you take care of whatever mind-controlled cults you can find before they get too big." Huatil nodded. It was nice seeing her, even though Phoebe was now an exceedingly dangerous individual. Far more so than suspected. Luckily, the preparations for the attack on the local hive of suspected mind-control activity in the Forsaken City were underway. Agents were coming in, gathering information for the Blue Intelligence Agency about various locations of interest, possible choke points, routes to a command center, and so on.
"I have something else to tell you as well. There is a proposal in place, not yet ratified or voted on in any way, to form a treaty organization with your Alliance and the Vinarii Empire. Defensive, of course."
"I see. I shall also relay this news to the proper authorities. Though it is likely nothing will come of it, with so many species in the Alliance."
Her next assignment wouldn't be for another few thousand flaps. Using a specialized device, she linked into the specialized ansible data hub that processed and translated connections between the Cawlarian and Alliance networks. It was a new construction, far more stable than the last attempt. Notably, it was protected by cybersecurity programs so strong that no one even knew how to begin hacking them. It was likely due to Phoebe or Edu'frec's special work.
She looked up the quote and decided to do some light reading.
"Agent 001, it's time."
"What?"
"It's time. 3000 flaps have passed."
It just went deeper and deeper. Phoebe really had been telling the truth with her warnings.
"Right."
Agent 017 smiled at her. "You know, browsing human networks isn't mission-critical."
"Yes. I do. If you must write a report, do not mention what I was reading."
"Ah, so you have noticed their... penchant for drawing aliens?"
Huatil's feathers flared. "No. It's worse."
"Worse? Now I have to know."
"41st millennium."
Agent 017's wide-eyed look told her everything.
"No..." she breathed.
"Yes."
"If this gets out..."
"It's going to hit military culture like... I don't even know an analogy for the destruction this will cause."
"So you know, then," Huatil deadpanned. When she'd first had a presentation on alien cultural contamination and assimilation, she hadn't expected something like this. It was so utterly over the top, yet fascinating and entrancing. It was like watching a pile-up in that marathon flying race that had opened last year with 'no limit' on how many people could join. And then 2 million Cawlarians decided they wanted to take the day off and go flying.
The owner of that racing company had been sued into the ground under a class-action injury lawsuit, with 3 million claimants receiving yields. And he was serving nearly ten thousand standard years of jail time. Not that he'd live to even get a bit of that unless the Cawlarians got immortality treatments that were cheap en-masse in the next hundred years.
The pile-up had been a spectacle unlike anything known, though. Just like this random piece of human science fiction writing appeared it would be.
"I do. A little too much."
"How'd you find out?"
"An important government official retreated into their room for 6 days straight, refusing to answer any calls or attend any votes, consuming a copious amount of drugs, food, and water."
"How important?"
"Star system level."
"By Crawprawvabar's feathers, we're going to have to suppress this," Huatil replied.
"How?"
"Not my job."
"I pity the poor soul who has to try. I get the feeling it may not remain shackled for long."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"I am pleased to tell you that profits over the last five mega pulses are up 3%."
"Good," Zelisloa replied. "How well is the new model selling?"
"Its debut was much wider than the previous version, so faster. 3.5 times faster on average, with a rising number of local Sprilnav sharing their satisfaction online."
"Glad to hear it. I would like a word with the Grand Financial Manager."
"Under your eye, Elder Zelisloa," they chorused.
The rest of the Sprilnav left the meeting without complaint. Once the last of their faces disappeared, Zelisloa turned to him.
"So? Have the funds been siphoned?"
"They have."
"Good. You shall receive a portion of the allocated amount. 12%, as agreed."
"I thank you for your generosity, Elder Zelisloa."
"I thank you, Spentha 28. You're better than the original."
"He's an Elder, and I'm not."
"Yes. But that doesn't mean you are worse."
"Yes it does, by every metric that matters, power included."
"If it is power you want, the equivalent of one of the weakest Elders I know of, then I shall grant them. However, that will require some additional loyalty."
"I am yours," he said.
"Good. I will send you your instructions soon. For now, I will retire to my chambers, for a well-needed rest after doing no work."
Spentha 28 laughed. "That's what you pay me for, after all. Though at this point, there's nothing I won't do for you."
"I can think of a few things, but I will not waste my time testing you with random unpleasant and unlikely conundrums. You did good work."
"Under your eye, I shall do much more."
"Under my eye."
He returned the greeting he'd set up. Simple and to the point. He then focused on his latest project. The ships were on their way to the Alliance, receiving real-time communications from his biologists. They had fully studied human, Acuarfar, Breyyanik, Knowers, and Guulin anatomy. The gene banks of the Dreedeen, wanderers, and Junyli were known and also studied, but evolutionary drift still occurred, even under the harsh genetic locks the Sprilnav had placed on their genomes to curb it. The viruses were incubated and ready to spread by touch, proximity, water, blood, and even wildlife. Acuarfar immune systems were certainly an interesting task to subvert, according to some of his people.
Skira had been too risky. If that hivemind of mindless drones was able to discover the infection before it became deadly, that could mean it might be discovered too early and stopped. Zelisloa didn't want that.
He'd checked their initial aims. He'd asked for them to make it as lethal as possible at first, and they'd made viruses that were basically guaranteed to kill everyone they came into contact with. From there, he'd asked to lengthen the asymptomatic timeframe and the ability to evenly spread the viruses across species. That required them to manufacture the viruses for other species using the cells of the initial virus for the specialized host. That process required more mega pulses of time.
Finally, the means to spread it through wildlife was achieved. So now, all that the ships had to do was reach their targets, and the fun would begin. There would be a new pandemic in the Alliance, one that they wouldn't recover from.

Special thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for allowing fanfiction and giving us Tilfish.
[First] [Prior] [Next]
.*~*.
Memory Transcription Subject: ? , run run run run run run.
Date: December 2, 2136
.~*~.
I'm tired. I'm so unbearably tired. I don't remember the fall or when my legs quit working, but I'm still denied the sweet release of sleep by the fires radiating from my muscles. It's sick and twisted, but I don't think I can move any more. I'm stuck here face down in the soil, unable or unwilling to do anything but wonder if a harvesting drone will roll over me and turn me into mist on the crops I'm lost in. My mouth itches. Some loose soil in my nose makes me hack, but there's nothing I can do but wheeze and pant. There's not a drop of moisture left in me. I'm all shriveled up. Everything's a haze.
I should've stopped for water. There was time. A few ponds that didn't look filmed over with vile algae blooms. The last town had a fountain on the outskirts. There were a few distant outbuildings that could've had a sink or a hose. Really, a few mouthfuls would've been enough to keep me from cramping up. Now I feel like I'm all dried out, like a stick of fruit jerky.
I should've taken a break. I've not been able to run in so long. I knew it was getting bad, but I ignored it. I'm paying for it now. I pushed way too far. Run until I black out. Wake up. Repeat. For days and days, or however long I've been free. I don't know. Every time I wake I can't tell if minutes have passed or days. I would push myself back to my feet and run. Because distance is all that matters. I made the right call avoiding the roads. The cameras. The soles of my feet are battered and wail in pain, but for every step I took was a minute longer I got to feel the sun kiss my scales and the gentle caress of the wind upon my neck. The cool soil seeping into my burning side. Fresh air in my lungs. Faint mist on my back.
I should've calmed down. I'm wasting what little time I have left stuck here in misery. I missed my chance to escape. My saviors were predators, but it would've been a better fate. And they're everywhere. Monsters and Predators alike. The whole planet is getting what it deserves. I made my choice, but now I'm squandering it. At least the soil is nice. Even as broken as I feel, it is only temporary. I know this is heaven. I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Even if my tongue is dried and bleeding.
I.
Just.
Need.
To.
Get.
Up.
no no no no no. Hurts. Hurts hurts hurts.
UP.
My body rebels. I settle on crawling. Dragging my tainted digits through the soil and forcing myself through the mud.
Puddle. Puddle Puddle Puddle.
I'm glad to be alive. I'm glad for this puddle. It's my whole world. I crawl to it as quickly as my body allows and beyond, but I'm too dehydrated to cry at the lancing pain in my joints. I slip and tumble into it face first, a cold shock making me freeze up. I don't even try to drink at first, my eyes closed as I lay partially submerged in this brackish water. It makes me feel slightly better as the cold gently eases my neck muscles, and I feel the rest of my body cramping up again.
Imagine drowning in a claw of water. I'm suddenly terrified that it's possible. I throw an arm out and dig it deep into the mud, clawing silt as I awkwardly pull myself in sideways. I roll, splashing the rest of the way in and feeling my poorly treated scales weep as the cold bleeds into them. I lay my head sideways and drink, gagging at the taste but unable to stop myself. I still can't cry, but my face is still trying to produce tears anyways.
In delirium, I notice the corner of a structure well above me. It's a pole, made of metal and towering well above me. Morning dew drips off of it and into my eye not currently submerged, and I blink it away.
Thank you pole. You're a life saver.
I don't plan on moving for a while, so I don't. The dew drips onto my snout several times, and my body rejoices at the cool water I've partially submerged myself in. The silt in my mouth is a necessary and tolerable evil from my desperate dive, and I angle my snout so that I can catch the fresh dew dripping from above instead. It tastes far better than the puddle, and for the first time in ever, I feel a smile creeping on my face.
.*~*.
I blink lazily, one eyelid operating a few seconds behind the other. I feel better. This blackout felt more natural, less forced. Like a gentle wave over my mind than the harsh crack of a baton. My mouth is still full of silt that I spit out, and a moment later I realize I can spit again. The bitter taste of blood in my mouth is faint now, and the joy of having a wet palate can't be described.
ow.
It hurts to move. I try again, but my flesh feels like it's been filled with concrete. My muscles are too tight on my bones. Stiffly, I try again, making little progress, but still progress. I edge out a claw at a time, barely getting my neck out of the pool before collapsing, the chilly waters leaving me shivering.
Where am I?
A very good question, I ask myself. I don't know. That's the cost of running without direction for so long. I think I'm in a field, judging by the crops looking over me and encompassing my wide vision of the vibrant sky overhead.
Yeah... that's it. I'm in a field. Brilliant observation skills.
I try again, but nothing new comes up. For the first time since I fled, I think about what I'm going to do. I'm free. I'm free. What am I going to do now that I'm free? How long do I have? I know the answer to that already. I have a long time. Everybody that knew me is dead and gone. I just need to be careful and not ruin this chance. I should try and find a town. Cities are too big, too many problems could come up. Too many exterminators. I could start over off the beaten path. Somewhere I can hide in plain sight.
This is Sillis. Being me shouldn't be an issue. I... I can get a labor job somewhere. Change my name. What can I do?
...
What can I do?
What is my name?
"Oh dear." I whispered quietly to myself, brows furrowing. Odd. How odd. I can move on from that. Makes starting a new life easier. Something that isn't four walls and a paper thin mattress. Something outside. I just... need to get... out of this darn puddle. No, still not happening. Ouch.
I splash my paw into the puddle in frustration, using about the full range of motion I seem capable of in a mild fit. I want to stay on the move, but the consequences of my poor decision making have come back to bite me right on the rear. At least I have some time to think.
I could try the lumber industry. That's usually away from people. I think I can figure out how to knock down trees, or at least fix up the machines that can. Maybe I can join a farm around here once I'm cleaned up. There's always something to do on a farm. Like counting shipments, or unloading shipments, or loading them. Maybe I can fix things around the property. Golly, I hope I know how to fix the automated machinery. That would really be nice.
Ooh! I could try and be a tram service maintenance operator. Wait, no no no. That requires background checks, I think. Darn it. Uuuh, road utility services? No, that'll take me into cities one way or another. There's a ton of work with drainage systems and water run off here. I could get good money for that since it's risky. Pollutants, constant thundering streams of water. I think I can go with that. There would be a lot of rural investigations that I could apply for. If not, I'm certain the underground construction projects would bear fruit. I'll miss the sun but nobody would bother me too much... no, still too many people. Drainage systems it is!
A faint whistle catches my ear and I freeze, tilting my head as something green flies just overhead. It clips several stalks and leaves as it passes, but seems unbothered as the severed branches fall to the ground and leaves gently cascade after. I follow its path with an eye and it vanishes between some tall plants, leaving me alone just as quickly as-
Nope, the same thing floats by again, darting between crops once more directly above me. It's odd, I can't hear wing beats or buzzing, or see anything keeping it airborne as it passed, and I wait with baited breath to see if it shows itself again. I don't know what I feel, but it isn't terror. It's... something. Curiosity? This time I hear a chirrup, but it's close. I don't see it float by, and painfully I crane my neck and look at the other side of the puddle.
It's an insectoid of some kind, strangely wide and flat. It looks pretty similar to the leaves on the many trees that I've seen since I got out, with uneven, tapered sides. It has a few pairs of legs, and it scuttles to the puddle and dips the front of its body towards the surface. It really does look like a large leaf, but my observation is cut short when the bug abruptly stops moving within barely a claw of the water, a pair of forward facing compound eyes snug against the stem near the tip of its body. It chirps again, and I see narrow maw under the front of this creature, a slim set of fangs briefly glinting in the sun before its mandibles hide them.
"Oh dear." I manage to whisper.
With remarkable dexterity it hops across the body of water and splashes down on top of me, and several legs grip my ribs and arms. My tail flicks under the water's surface, but I don't move as the thing's maw looms over my snout. A smaller set of feelers touch my scales and let it guide where it can't see, and it pecks at my nostril once. I smell ozone and feel a different fire burn in my core, and relax.
This isn't ideal. It really isn't. But it's still better that what once was. You won't hurt me for too long. You're better than they ever were.
Trading my cell for this... it's not that scary. Somehow, despite this predator straddling me and chewing on my snout, I'm not scared of it. I have alarms shrieking in my ears and ozone burning my nostrils and wrists. Bubbly poison twisting my insides and making me gag. I'm terrified of that, but that's long gone. That broken visage cuts deep, but it leaves me feeling empty. I'm alone with this thing pecking at my skull, occasionally chirping or hissing softly as it chews over my scales.
It's little mandibles flutter over my cheek and squish it, the fangs behind it pricking at my scales but never really puncturing. It's odd, almost exploratory. I hear a faint plip as some dew from the pole overhead drips onto the creature, and it leans back slightly to presumably look up. It lowers back down on me, and I wince as it gets a little rougher. It halts for a moment, mandibles still dancing over my scales, before I feel a set of legs slip past my arms and latch onto my back.
I grit my teeth, expecting it to finally lunge down and bite into my flesh as the rest of it's body tenses, but with a start it lifts me up with strength I didn't think it had. My back scrapes along the mud as it lifts me and drags me partially out of the muck. It lowers me down just as quickly as it started, leaving a bit of my upper body out of the water and in the warm air. I blink as it lowers its body down onto my own, legs tightening its grip on me as it presses itself against me. It chirrups again and resumes nibbling on my neck, and my mind absently puzzles over this change of events.
It's roosting on me. Is it my body heat? I feel cold, but maybe it's colder. I wish I knew what you were. I'm glad you're not really biting me. It tickles, stop!
I couldn't help but squeak out a laugh, despite the very present danger I was in. The bug tensed for a moment but didn't sink its fangs into my neck, and after a moment it resumed licking at me. Slowly, it's legs tightened on my body and it pressed itself against me further, and it hissed softly. I closed my eyes when it's maw pressed against me, but once again no bite split me open and drained my lifeblood. It's mandibles tickled my scales some more as the creature flattened out, the ridges of its body laying in the mud as it settled down. I was all but buried under the thing that was almost as big as me, and my tail swished lightly in the water.
Once again, I find myself stuck. I wasn't going anywhere anyways, but now I'm very stuck. Hopefully it doesn't get peckish. This thing could definitely eat me if it wanted to. It's funny that I'm supposed to fear it. All those training exercises failed. Every test and experiment. Maybe it enforced the wrong behavior. I think I might've been respectfully afraid of this creature once, but that part of me is all burned up. If it existed at all.
.~*~.
I've missed the novelty of clouds. Sillis has an overabundance of them, but so far I've been lucky that none of the ones passing overhead were angry. It's almost odd that no rain has come, but I'm glad. I faintly remember that the rains could become acidic if there's too long a pause between storms. Too much smoke or warp residue building up in the atmosphere.
So far I've counted two absolutely towering thunderheads and small storm systems roll by in all their stunning glory, and dozens of smaller offsets in their wake. Hundreds of individual clouds dot the skies, not quite blanketing it yet. It's pleasant, even within the grasp of a large, sleeping predator that's fully enveloped me. I can feel it's diaphragm shifting ever so slightly on my chest, and it twitches occasionally.
I don't mind. For now, things are peaceful. I'm enjoying that. At least, until something crunched a few rows over.
That sounds a lot bigger than this predator.
The creature shifts slightly but doesn't wake as whatever else is out there stalks through the crops. It has to be a predator, from how quiet it moves. Every little rustle and faint step happen far from each other, and my mind immediately jumps to an ambush hunter. Carefully, I move my head to catch a glimpse of the thing, trying not to disturb the slumbering creature that is currently resting it's mouth on my neck. My scales fade into a dirty black that matches the soil, and I squint to hide my eyes from whatever is out there.
There's movement on my left, something tall shifting between the crops a few rows down. I hear a rumbling noise- a deep based growl, and the back of my skull itches.
"...D-1?"
No no no no no. I don't want to go back. I want to be free.
I know what the thing is. It's a new predator. A sapient one. The same ones that freed me. The same ones that wanted to herd me onto a ship. I can't do this. Sapient predators are cruel, far crueler than the average ones. A normal predator wasn't personal about the kill. It could be reasoned with. Where did that come from? A sapient predator was ruthless for entertainment.
I owe them my life.
They'll just take it.
There's a rustle from a different direction, and a behemoth steps out of the crops far closer to me than I would prefer. It is armored like the many I've seen before, but I realize instead of a firearm it wields a bulky tool of some kind tightly in its paws. It dawns on me that it's colors are different, green and blue instead of solid blue, and there's a colorful flag of some kind pressed on the garments of its arm.
"Copy." It rumbled quietly.
"Crikey, you spooked me there!" the other predator whispered, changing course. Thankfully the closest one broke off to meet it, and they stopped one row over. It was best I stay still. Their hearing was better than they let on. "Okay, did you get it done?"
I can't see them clearly, but some non verbal communication must have occurred because the one predator continues speaking.
"Good. Look, trouble is coming. A fellow seppo noticed the ordinance went missing. He's suspicious. There'll be heat soon. Have you made any progress with the other front?" A pause. "Same. I've dealt with several of his goons, but none knew anything good."
"I'll have him tonight."
"...D-1?"
"An exterminator account and reversed polarity on some switches works wonders."
"...you seppos are terrifying."
"We're a world power for a reason."
"...yeah. Do you have the drive? Nice. You keep this up and we'll have everything we need from this planet before Christmas. We're going to make things right." There's an odd grunt, and one of them starts rumbling quietly in what translates as amusement. "Involved in peace. What do they really think this accomplishes?"
"Don't care. We find our whales and move on."
"Come on, we can have some more fun if we're careful! Don't act like that doesn't entertain you after that bomber plot of yours!"
"S-4," there's an undertone in that growl that makes my scales shrink, "remember the prize."
"...God, you're a hard ass. Fine. I'm certain you're carrying that giant wrench for peaceful reasons and not to crack open any skulls out here. I'll check the smuggling routes. Rig up something to keep these bugs under our thumb. You keep being you. I need to move before they notice I'm gone."
Faint footsteps leading away, and I sighed. While brief, just being around them made my scales crawl-
The crops right beside me parted, and the other predator stepped out. It's covered foot splashed into the puddle, and stirred the predator enveloping me. Much to my horror the thing chirruped and hissed, releasing me and spinning around. The apex predator looked down at the smaller thing and regarded it.
:)
The drawing on the mask was comical, and not at all what I was expecting. Most humans didn't wear masks, so blinding terror didn't sweep me away. I almost laughed at the absurdity of concealing one's face, only to make a lazy drawing of a face overtop of it.
The smaller predator didn't find it nearly as confusing or entertaining as I did, and hissed. The apex didn't falter, but surprisingly held its ground despite being threatened by a lesser predator.
Most predators would make a threat back and assert itself. Or lash out. What is this one up too? It's not acting submissive so it isn't backing down. But it isn't retaliating either. Does it need to? It's using it's own size as a deterrent.
My thoughts are interrupted when my toothy cover abruptly spins and flees, gaining air under its body and become airborne. It slashes through a row of crops and is gone, just like how it arrived. The apex still hasn't moved. It takes a few steps forward, nearing me. I can't tell if it's looking at me or not so I close my eyes tight, hoping that my eyes hadn't given me away. There's a thump right beside me and I flinch. I can feel it's presence. It has stopped walking.
It knows. Somehow it sees me. It knows it knows it knows.
Something warm grazes my neck and I flinch again, despite myself. I can't do it. I don't want to die with my eyes closed. I want to see the sun and the clouds and the crops, not this faux darkness.
I open my eyes and it's right there, crouched over me. I can't bother with wasting my energy by screaming. It saw through my camouflage and had a paw to my neck. I wished it to be merciful and just strike me down with the wrench it brought, but it doesn't. Instead it plunges its paw into the water, under my rump. It rips me out of the water and I gasp as its other paw slips down under my shoulders and lifts, but my mind catches up a moment later when it pressed me against it's chest instead of its mouth, forsaking my exposed stomach. It's grip loosens slightly and it adjusts, an arm under my shoulder blades and legs. I can feel the muscles rippling in it's grip, and how easily it could fold me over backwards and squish me. I've seen it first hand.
But it's so gently. So unbelievably gentle. I don't remember the last time I was touched like this. Something in a dark recess of my mind wavered, and I realized I'd curled my tail around the creature's arm without meaning to. It holds me a little closer, nowhere near enough to hurt, and my scales start to change to match the colors it wears. It's not looking at me, the mask is angled too far up. We're moving at a blinding pace suddenly, the rows of crops blurring in my vision. It doesn't stop. This apex runs like a machine, each breath consistent and calculated to a rhythm I notice. Its breathing labors but it keeps going, warm jets of air spitting out the bottom of its mask and onto my soggy, damp form.
It's so warm. I didn't realize the chill of the water until now but I'm shivering. My body takes over for my confused mind and curls into the predator's grasp, trying to get as much warmth from the human's rough garments as I can. I don't know what's come over me. I don't know where it's taking me. I don't care. I can't escape it, and if this thing kills me it was at least kind enough to be gentle.
The skies are so beautiful. I try and focus on them but all I can really see is the predator's mask. I can see the bottom of it's jaw, the taught muscles there. I dread what its face looks like in this moment under that mask. Its digits tighten on my shoulder and side in response to me curling into it, and absently I wonder how this predator is the same as the ones from days ago with their thundering bellows and ruthless firepower.
The apex thunders out of the field and I'm assaulted by new sights. There's a few dozen of them roving around a clearing by several vehicles.
I also spot an Exterminator's van, and my claws unsheathe. The predator winces and I realize I've nailed him with them, but he doesn't throw me down or bark at me. He sprints by the van without stopping, but I see several Tilfish locked inside and doomed to a terrible fate worse than being eaten.
"Ambulance!?" It barks sharply, out of breath. It skids to a stop beside one of the transports, clutching me firmly.
"Just left with the patient. Where the hell did this one come from?" An unmasked predator growled, eyes beady and looking over me. Mine made an odd jerking motion and continued.
"Get Doc."
"I will. What hospital are we calling?" The thought of a clinical space makes me flinch. White walls. White floors. Cold tiles. Needles. Beeping. Humming. Frying.
"None. Operational security."
The other predator screwed its face up and departed, and abruptly mine was sitting down on the back of one of the trucks. Gently I was plopped down on its lap, and I watched transfixed as it peeled its armor off, then its outer garment. There's an image of a veiled human on the back with its eyes closed, head craned down. Its hands are clasped together in thought, and the meaning of it goes over my head.
The predator is a lot smaller than I thought it was. It gently lifts me and set me in the garment, before it starts wiping me down with it. I'm too sore to fight it, and the cloth is exceptionally warm from the creature's body heat. It pulls me closer and holds me in a way that makes my chest hurt, and it looks out at an approaching predator. It rumbles softly.
"You're going to be okay."
My body relaxes despite my mind's warnings. I'm wrapped up in this garment it wore. I can't escape it. But it's warm. The material soaks up the water on my skin, and wipes away the grime and muck I've accumulated over the days. Slowly, my scales begin to shift again, bleeding back to my normal tan coloration.
"Did something finally bite you Sunshine? I haven't seen you run like that in- oh-kay." The approaching predator flinched when it got close and tensed up.
It wants to eat me. This one- Sunshine- it won't let it without a fight. Are they going to eat me? Sunshine won't. Right?
"I thought there was only one victim." The predator rumbled after a moment, creeping closer. I shrank into the material and took on it's color, only for a warm paw to settle on my arm.
"You're fine." Sunshine whispered. It looked up at the approaching predator and jerked its head awkwardly. "There is. Look at it. Do you see it too?"
Gently, it lifted my arm. I was too stiff to pull it back, not that I could've against its powerful grip. I was completely exposed to this other predator.
"Relax. Please." Sunshine whispered once more. The growl was soft, and I looked up at the mask above me. The grip on my arm was careful, I realized. I could pull away right now. Slowly, my scales lightened. The other predator leaned in closer and I flashed white and yellow briefly, but Sunshine propped me up a bit and started gently poking at sore parts of my body. My ribs. My neck. "Here. And... and here."
The other predator's eyes seemed to get bigger. Something deeper changed in its face. "Holy shit." It made to move forward and I reeled back, pressing myself further into Sunshine. The predator immediately froze and slunk back.
"He can help." Sunshine rumbled softly.
Oh dear. Oh dear.
It touched me. It's diminutive nails didn't rend into my scales as it touched my ribs, prodding them softly. Sunshine adjusted how it sat so that the other predator could have better access to me, and I couldn't help but focus on the skies again as it assessed what part of me it wanted.
Sunshine won't let it eat me.
I don't know where the thought came from, but it was firm. I believed it entirely. Even though Sunshine was a sapient predator, it wouldn't let it happen. Maybe it claimed me as its own already. I... I had doubts I would be eaten. The thoughts were there, but Sunshine had a perfect chance already. Unless it wanted to flaunt its catch first, which the Arxur did- but it was gentle. Sunshine was better than an Arxur.
"Malnourished, deep sores. Ulcers. There's bruising up and down the rib cage. Jesus- sorry."
"They're old. Persistent. Its feet."
"What about..." The predator got quiet. I felt my scales shift in worry as it gingerly lifted one of my legs. It remained quiet, but its face stretched further. "What happened?"
It was looking at me. Asking me. I shrank further into the fabric, but there was nowhere to go. The silence was unbearable, and I started trembling.
The silence continued.
"A runaway." Sunshine rumbled after forever. I didn't understand what that meant. My translator didn't pick it up quite right. Run-away? Like fleeing? Was that what these predators called their prey? No... no that didn't seem right. It was possible, but...
"Could have been kidnapped." Another word I didn't understand, but my translator worked on the other predator. Stealing a person by force? Using fear outside of the law? How did predators have such a word? "We need to get it to the hospital. Figure out what happened and how it ended up in this field."
NO NO NO NO NO
Sunshine's arms draped over me before I could escape, my attempt no better than a drunk Mazic trying to fit through a Venlil sized door. I couldn't stop the whine in my throat, but its soft digits down my back froze me. A subtle noise filtered out behind the mask, and it settled me back down in its garment. It picked up an edge lined with little metal teeth and draped it over me, blocking my sight from the other predator. I felt safe, suddenly. Sunshine's firm grip on my body didn't feel threatening. It felt like a promise, as it carefully pulled me against it's bulk. I was warm, despite my terror.
"Zuda will handle it. No hospitals. This stays with us."
"Sunshine," the other predator protested, "we need to figure out what happened!"
"Think, Doc." Sunshine growled, and this was no doubt a warning. I felt relief that the difference between the two growls was so obvious.
"What?"
"Think. Use your head."
There was a period of silence. "You don't... that can't be right." I didn't understand what conclusion it made.
"The injuries are uniform. Too clean to be anything else."
They can't know. How can they know?
"We need confirmation!"
"We already have it." Sunshine stated, and slowly the fabric was lifted off of my head. I blinked, and noticed that the other predator had changed a different shade.
That's odd. Are you predators like me?
That's terrifying. I'm not a threat. I'm me.
"It reacted to the van and mention of a hospital, Doc. Nobody outside the UN hears of this. Operational security."
It... does Sunshine know? How do they know?
"What the fuck is this planet, Sunshine?" The other predator lamented.
Sunshine didn't respond. He looked around at the surrounding encampment, and I realized it was shrinking. They were leaving. A few other predators were subtly watching as they worked, but I doubted they could hear the conversation with how quiet it was. I realize there's a few Venlil in their ranks, unbothered by their presence and even wearing garments similar to the predators around them.
A digit tapped the end of my snout and I flinched, looking up at Sunshine. It's paw retracted as the other predator withdrew a medical kit with a paw print on it and began to unclasp it. "You're safe. We're... we're going to help."
You know. You know what I am. And you're helping me anyway. Why are you helping me? I'm weak. I'm dangerous. But not to you. You're an apex. Is that why? Does your species stick together, unlike the Arxur? Do you uplift those around you, no matter if they're prey or dangerous? The Venlil are not afraid of you. You must not eat them. What do you eat? It has to be meat. But, it must be something that they can handle. Does what makes me dangerous fall away under your hierarchy? I hope it does. It doesn't seem real. I guess to you, what makes me a threat is meaningless.
I believe Sunshine. I really do. When the other predator comes forward with a healing gel, I surrender.
I am safe.

Asalam Alykum everyone,
So I 23f is trying to stop free mixing unless its an absolute necessity like uni/work. My close girl-friend (non muslim) from highschool, lets call her T. T texted me a few days ago saying our old friends (4 boys) who were our classmates and basketball buddies wanted to meet and catch up with us. I haven't met any of the guys in like 4 years. Mostly because of one the guys (who is muslim btw and the glue of the group) went broad and we didnt really hang out much without him after. Now he is back and wants to have dinner and bowling with all of us. Friday night was the original plan but i told T i was busy and wouldn't even go because its at night. She agreed and said i was right. they canceled anyway because of other reasons and made plans for Monday which i didn't know. T later added me to a group and they all collectively asked me if I was free on Monday which I said I was busy which I really am going to busy. Then they asked when i am free and i didnt answer. Anyway is there anyone that can help coin the words nicely without sounding like an ISIS terrorist?
Jzk in advance

A while back it seems almost everyone at my workplace in middle management seemed to give a compliment for doing an excellent job. The same compliment. THE SAME WORDS!!
You're a ROCK STAR!
Leave a response starting with "Obviously I'm not".
funny, wry, iconic, thought provoking, or perfectly-perfect are a few ideas.
Ends Sunday evening sometime like 11:11 or so. ( When I get to it on or after 11:11 pm USA EASTERN TIME. )
someone gets a $5 item from their wishlist. And if I fall in love with the answer up to $10.
BTW- MY OTHER CONTEST STILL DOES NOT HAVE WINNER. ENTER THAT, TOO if you want. that contest is ---- Oh a [Contest] for a cheap item from your wishlist

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Prologue
So here I am, once again, trying to put words on paper, attempting to capture the ineffable. This book, like the last one, is a journey. A journey that I have embarked on, not knowing where it would lead me. A journey that has taken me through the highs and lows of human experience. It has been humbling and, at the same time, uplifting.
What I aim to present in this book is not a doctrine, nor a moral code. It’s not a step-by-step guide to enlightenment, nor a manual for spiritual development. Instead, it is a reflection, a contemplation on the mystery of existence, on the beauty of the unknowable, on the joy of the present moment.
I invite you, dear reader, to join me on this journey. It's a journey without a destination, a journey where the traveling itself is the point. A journey into the heart of life.
Chapter One - Embracing the Mystery
There is something profoundly humbling about realizing how much we don't know. We are, after all, tiny specks of consciousness floating in an incomprehensibly vast universe. The more we learn, the more we discover how much there is still to learn. And in the face of this vast mystery, humility naturally arises.
We have become so accustomed to the idea that we can understand and control everything. Our culture has placed so much emphasis on knowledge and expertise that we've forgotten the value of not knowing. But there is a beauty and a freedom in admitting that we don't have all the answers, in letting go of the need to always be right.
Our desire to understand everything, to fit everything into neat categories and explanations, often keeps us from fully experiencing life. We are so busy trying to explain the mystery that we forget to marvel at it. We are so caught up in our thoughts about life that we forget to actually live.
I have found that the more I let go of my need to understand, the more I can immerse myself in the experience of being alive. The more I can let go of my thoughts and ideas about reality, the more I can experience reality directly.
This doesn't mean that we should abandon our pursuit of knowledge. On the contrary, our curiosity and desire to understand are some of our greatest qualities as human beings. But we must also learn to balance this with the ability to let go of understanding, to simply be in the mystery.
In this book, I invite you to explore this balance with me. To dive into the mystery, to embrace the unknown, to experience life beyond the confines of our thoughts and ideas. It's a journey into the heart of the unknown, into the realm of the spirit. And it's a journey that I hope will inspire you to find your own unique path in this grand adventure we call life.

So I met this (Swedish) guy at a student party last week. I noticed him in the crowd since he’s really good looking, but I know for sure I’d have never approached him cuz as silly as it sounds he seemed out of my league, lol. At one point, I felt somebody touch my leg, and low and behold it was the guy I noticed before in the crowd. He came up to me and complimented me on my outfit. Oblivious as I am I just said „thank you and turned away.“ That was when I realised, that homeboy was cuuuuute haha. I looked at my friend, she gave me the ‚I approve‘ - nod and I went to look out for him in the crowd but I couldn’t find him. As me, my friends (and other people) were dancing on a table and I see him and his (female) friend move up, like on the table and stand pretty much next to us.
I gathered all my strength and courage, walked up to him and stroke a conversation. I complimented him back to which he went like „ahhh, ur just saying this cuz I complimented u first“ I was like nooo, your pants, I love them! They look so nice!“ we talked a little, he said sth along the lines of „sometimes I ask myself whether I dress for myself or to please others..“ I told him it’s best to dress for yourself cuz u also wanna feel confident in/through what u wear and the compliments and approval of other people, it should just be a nice extra, you know“….yeah so we talked a little, he also integrated his friend into the conversation too…but it got so loud around us, that at one point, when he was talking to her I couldn’t understand a word, so I turned back around to my friend.
When I looked for him I saw that they were about to leave and go back into the crowd, so I tapped on his shoulder and asked if he wants to exchange instagrams. He went like „YOU want MY instagram?! So I can follow you?“ I was like, ahhhh more like so we can follow each other haha“. Then he gave me a fist bump and went away.
The next day, he DM'ed me, he sent a picture I posted with some friends on it and we started talking….the only thing I am unsure about is that he takes several days to answer. Like up to 2, so far!
But all my guy friends assured me that if a guy likes someone, he would reach out as soon as he can, and not wait for days, to not risk the person he’s talking to to turn to another guy…
But then, some people are shitty Texters to and I can’t expect to be of any priority in his life yet so I keep it chill…
I also don’t wanna play this stupid texting game if that’s what he’s doing. That’s why I replied after 24h (the latest).
Anyways, texted him on Thursday, usually it’s just one sentence…my last message on Thursday was asking him about his exciting hobbies like how long he’s been doing them. he answered this noon, I didn’t open the chat but this time it’s 5 messages…
Should I open and answer now? Shoiild I wait till next week?

I feel like I’m in an alternate universe sometimes. For example my friend invited her to her daughters HS graduation party. My sister of course usually would just blow off the invite but this time she told my friend she was going. Of course that doesn’t mean much. I text her yesterday to ask her if she is going. No response. She usually either doesn’t respond or just sends something with no answer to my question.
My mom calls me about the party (she is invited also). I ask if she talked to my sister. She said, yes she isn’t going and that she is at a recital for her friends kid. I precede to say that I’m upset as she told my friend she would be there. My mother gets mad at me! “That’s just her”. “Don’t bug her”. “She can do what she wants”. Yes I know she can do what she wants but this is a constant thing of her being unreliable and not responding. She has done this to many people and family as well. She will blow of friends if they do one thing that isn’t reliable or if they “don’t understand me”. My mother tells me don’t ask her to do anything or invite her anywhere because it’s annoying. I’m annoying for occasionally inviting her places? I’ve done so much for her also. Helped her with money. Her child etc….all I ask for is some reliability and responses. If I tell her I’m hurt she will just stay stuff like “you choose to be hurt” or “don’t be a victim”. My mother never says a word to her. Sometimes she will start to agree that she is treating me, her, and others badly but then changes her mind and says she’s a good daughter. My parents are old and they do so much for her also. Watch her son and she just drops him off and picks him up but rarely stays to visit. A lot of the time she makes them go to her. [TLDR]

Mistakes

On 15th May 2023, I was filming part 1 Q&A video of 24th May Q&A. 24th May Q&A video was filmed on 15th May 2023 because got many many questions. So I divide into different days different parts. On 15th May 2023, I made a big mistake. The place where I film, sometimes the NEA, they will pour the stupid bottle on the floor, got a lot of stupid idiot mosquitos then come to my place. That time I didn't bring this call the mosquito thing, the insect, the one call what. That time 15th May 2023, I never bring this thing. So after that, I put this thing (shieldtox) everyday inside my bag. Because sometimes I film the Q&A here, the NEA. I don't understand why they want to put the bottle of mosquitos. Then the mosquito fly here, I feel very frustrated. So after that, I tell myself, every-time I film Q&A, I must put this one inside my bag. So on 15th May 2023, I forgot to bring this. Then what happen ? A lot of mosquitos fly here fly there very dulan. As I want to hit the mosquitos, I accidentally hit the tripod stand. The tripod stand was with the phone. The tripod stand with the phone dropped down on the floor. Lucky the phone never spoil. If the phone spoil then honggan already. Because the phone I need to use for Q&A. So this was a fucking fucking big mistake that shouldn't have happened.
On 20th May 2023 (Saturday), my fans that time he message me say he want to treat me KFC. He order KFC to send to my house. That time I was seeing a doctor at Polyclinic. I was going for the X-Ray. After the X-Ray, I was at this void deck writing the 4D/Toto, then my this fan message me, going to order the KFC to deliver to my house. So I see the delivery time, its around 1.26pm. I was thinking I can reach home early by 1.10pm. So by 1.10pm, I can reach home already. That time my fan got tell me to tell my family/my parents. That time I never tell, I thought I can reach home early. Because if I tell my parents my fan want to treat me KFC, my parents will be a bit suspicious because my parents don't trust. Even that time I went out with Eddy Low, I have to tell my parents that this is my working colleague. Because they don't believe. Because you know I got a lot of haters. So my parents they don't trust people. They will felt that this is a guy. This guy is a hater. Trying to pretend to be my fans. They don't trust. I have to say he is a working colleague. So I made a mistake. I never go and call my parents say got food delivery coming. So that time when I reach home around 1.10pm. Just nice. Few minutes ago, the food delivery guy just left and my parents thought order the wrong one then they tell the delivery man they never order KFC. Then the delivery man go off then I was shocked. The delivery man call my fan. My fan say the address never wrong so ask the delivery man to return. But of course the delivery man have to go to other places to send first. So as a result, wait more than 30 minutes and I apologize to the delivery man. So its a big mistake because I should have call my parents on the phone when I was writing 4D/Toto that there is a delivery man coming but didn't. Luckily the delivery man got return but wasting a lot of time. So this is a mistake that shouldnt have happened.
The next mistake I make on 21st May 2023, I didn't go and check my notifications with the PLRD. Monday night, I cannot work because I got two notifications. Then after that I got to call the agency the next morning. Total got 2 agencies still holding my name. So I called the 2 agencies to cancel my notifications. What happened ? 24th night. Supposed to can work already. Then I go to look for adhoc jobs in the security whatsapp group. Then the agency check say I got two notifications. I was shocked. Then the next day, I call the agencies. Both agencies they forget to cancel. You see on the 23th May, I call them. The notifications in order to cancel need to wait for 24 hours later. So on Wednesday morning, I should have called the PLRD to check with them whether my notifications have been cancelled or not but I didn't. I think cannot be two agencies both also forgot to cancel. Confirm got one agency will cancel one. In the end, both also forget. Its a mistake that shouldn't have happened. When you work security officeguard, one person can only maximum two notifications. That means my name if lets say got two agencies, you cannot go and work adhoc job. Because your name got two agencies already. So you need to take out one of the agencies or best if you take out both agencies, the notifications so that your name is not under them then you go and work adhoc job. Ah then only you can work.
It was on the 25th May 2023, when I go to the toilet at home, while carrying the phone and the notebook, my notebook/datebook and the YouTube photo slideshow. The photo slideshow for example, I write the NXT champion Kurt Tay take selfie blah blah. That is called the photo slideshow book. I use the color ink pen to write the words. For example, the almighty WWE champion Kurt Tay take photo with fans. That is called the photo slideshow book. So this book and the date book, I accidentally drop inside the toilet bowl. Its a mistake that shouldnt have happened.
I made another mistake. It was on the 25th May 2023. 24th May 2023, my wife was off. When my wife was off day, its a bit hard for me to do the wrestling pose because she at home. She see me do the wrestling pose, she don't like. But however, 25th May 2023, my wife was working and I after eating, I forgot to do the wrestling pose because I was wearing the Almighty Bobby Lashley T-shirt but I forgot to do the Bobby Lashley wrestling pose after eating so this is also a mistake.

What the difference between the new and old Kurt Tay ?

Sometimes people will think. Got difference meh. Whats the difference ? Let me explain to you. The new Kurt Tay will have more confidence. My confidence level will reach above the sky level. My confidence will be a few million times or even a few billion time more confident than you can ever imagine. And I will be a few million times or even a few billion time smarter than you can ever imagine. Not only that. Sometimes in the past, you see my videos have to wait for a few days, never post. This thing will never happen again when the new Kurt Tay arrive on 4th June 2023. You see last time on certain days, there are fans take photo with me, sometimes I never get to post them. There are a lot of them which I never post on my YouTube channel. This thing will never happen again. Got fans take photo with me. Confirm guarantee plus chop, I will post them on my YouTube channel. And you will not see my food videos how come few days never post. Every day the food photo slideshows/videos will post on the date itself. No more wait for few days never post. No. Unless, this selfie eating videos, I might post on the next day. Because the selfie eating video is fucking long. Sometimes must take even 2 hours. So if I go to work, if I use the phone to upload the selfie eating videos, it will waste a lot of data. That one I will wait after work then I go home and use my wifi to upload. Other than that, the other videos you confirm see will post on the day itself.

Why don't you want do property agent ? Can earn a lot of money you know. Complete one transaction can earn $10000 in commissions. Didnt think of that ?

This is a very very good suggestion. If really one transaction can earn a lot of money, I think I will go and try. Thank you for the advice but then I hope the job got at least some basic. If the job totally dont have the basic, what happen if you have 0 transaction then how ? That means that whole month, you got no money at all. You got $0 earnings. If got $0 earnings then will honggan already. So I want to make sure got at least some basics. Not totally depends on commissions. If really can earn so much from transactions, I think I will actually quite interested. I think I will call to find out more because who don't love money. I love money but of course must guarantee have some basics also. What happen if I got zero deals ? I got try before last time. Do like the sales everything. Its not so easy to get people to buy your product you are promoting all these. Its not so easy. I want to make sure that everything is OK.

What are your birthday wishes ?

My birthday wishes every year is the same. Of course I hope that I can strike Toto first prize become a millionaire. I really have been dreaming to become a millionaire. Its my birthday wish. I want to become million dollar man. Money Money Money Money. Other wishes. I wish my family got the healthy. Myself healthy also. The third wish is actually that is quite impossible. I want to have Doraemon magic pocket. Because got that magic pocket, you basically can grant any wishes you want. You can have time travel machine blah blah blah. The Doraemon magic pocket.

If that someone promise to forgive you if ask you to crawl on all fours in public, will you do it ?

Answer is No. Last time is Yes. But also must see situation. Because if I not famous online celebrity, I got no problem doing that. But I am a famous online celebrity so it will be inconvenient. But now the answer confirm is No because I really very disappointed in someone.

I curious what your wife reply to you (referring to voice message to my wife where I was working at Raffles Institution Junior College)

I was working the traffic marshall. That means the car jam, I need to marshall the cars, to go as fast as they can. The RI, usually the parents will drive cars, the students got off from the cars and I so super super famous, a lot of students recognize me and approach me and take photo with me. That time so many fans. I went inside the guard house to take photos with my fans, RI students. Later on, so many fans, I keep on go in go out. In in out out. The supervisor can see. So I go inside, the view they cannot see. Later on the supervisor see why I keep walking in and out then she come and take a look. Then she say how come you taking photos with the students. Then she say "are they your relatives" ? Then I say "yah yah yah. my relatives" I also don't know how to explain because she don't know me. But then a lot of students they know me. This supervisor say cannot go inside to take photos. Then I say "Ï stand here. They take photos with me can or not" ? Then she say "cannot. you are on duty". After that around 7.50am, still got a lot of fans want to take photo with me. Then I tell my fans to wait say supervisor not happy already. I am SSS but I only work there adhoc 1 night only. After that I tell my fans have to wait until 8am when I finish work. 10 more mins. Some can wait. Some cannot wait. I actually missed out quite a lot of fans to take photo with me. So 8am, once finish work, a lot of fans rush to take photo with me. I so super super famous. After that I went back to the guard house, there is this one man which I think is the management. Because he wearing civilian clothes. He was instructing the security officers what to do. His face was very black color. Because I think he saw what happened. How come this security guard got so many students want to take photos with me. So this incident I got tell my wife. So Mr Meow is curious what my wife says. So my wife says "I should have tell my fans that I am working now. Cannot take photos." My wife say the management his face black black color. Its understandable that he is angry because I am doing security work. So my wife say should have tell my fans that I am working. Cannot take photos. So my wife say that I will kenna complain. Maybe the management will complain to the security agency. But the thing is a lot of fans will feel sad. They will feel disappointed when I rejected them when their idol (me). When they cannot take photo with me (their idol), they will feel very very disappointed. They will feel very sad. So I try not to make my fans disappointed which was why I agree to take photos with then. You see for famous online celebrity like me, its actually quite hard to work in school where I need to work road traffic marshall. Then got fans recognize me all these. I also not suitable to work security at MRT station. Imagine I doing security at MRT then people say "Kurt Tay Kurt Tay" So many people want to take photos with me. Because I am public figure. Certain security job like public area. I so famous. Its a bit hard. Its inconvenient.

If male and female JC students want to engage your BDSM services, will you say yes ?

This one must see if they got underage or not. I am not sure BDSM if there is a age requirement. I know sex there is a requirement. BDSM. I think its best at a legal age lah. To avoid conflict. If lets say students, its best if its 18 years and above. The legalized age. So if got male and female want to engage me as the male master, as long as they are legal ages, that should be fine. Must see situations first. Answer is Yes and No. If underage then cannot.

If the male and female JC students want to become your master and mistress to punish you, are you OK or not ?

For guys confirm is No. For guys, I can only become the master and not the slave. For girls, I Ok to be the master and slave but then must see if they are legalied age or not.

Use this thread to promote yourself and/or your work!
(Descriptions of fictional crimes investigated by the story's main Character Max.)
Detective's Fate
It's august of 2008.....
Max is a detective living in Chicago He checks his pistol and puts on his police badge as he walks out his front door.
He has been searching for a serial killer known as the Caller for years and always been one step behind due to the red tape.....
More importantly the chief's lazy attitude towards getting search warrants and actions approved by the courts for raids. Twice Max had good intel on the suspect's locations and photo evidence showing him at the sites.
The department needs more vigilant, caring officers and leaders but no one steps up to do it, instead they just complain about the slow progress and officers. And hinder investigations.
Now Max has decided that it might be time to stop playing by the rules and catch this scumbag.... .... ....
Starting his car Max sets his GPS to the address that "The Caller" was last seen and pulls out of his driveway as the 50 miles of directions pop up.
The killer's nickname being for his signature of calling in as he is committing the crime.
As he drives he remembers his first case, five years ago now..... ..... .....
A woman, Joane Taylor, was found dead in an alleyway after going out for the night. She showed no signs of struggle leading the police to believe she had drank to much and expired from alcohol poisoning.... ...
The death was written off as a "party gone wrong".... That is until several more were found and the coroner decided on a whim to test for other substances.
Once it came out that the deaths were possible murders...
The calls started coming in, almost like the suspect wanted credit before revealing himself....
Then ways of the deaths began changing as the Serial Killer explored his twisted desires searching for his preferred method.
The last case being a young woman found stuffed in a dumpster after the killer apparently got scared off.... Max will never forget it.... .... ....
The GPS finishes and the car beeps its final direction, taking an exit off the highway. Ramps out here are always confusing... Which is funny since he has driven this one for five years now...
The chief says he should sit this one out but he can't... The latest victim 3 months ago.
Marie Spelner, a waitress out on her smoke break talking to her spouse on the phone.
Survived by her husband, no children or living relatives. ....
Max Spelner turns into the driveway of the house he was directed to... Stepping out of the car he walks up and knocks on the door. Looking at the house he knows the family must be doing well if they live here.... Raising his hand to knock again he hears a scream from inside....
A second later the door is answered by a middle aged butler holding a tray with wine glasses on it... "Hello Sir, I'm sorry but this house does not wish to partake in any offers at this time..."
Max calmly says. "I'm not selling anything."
The butler looks confused for a moment before his eyes dart over Max's shoulder seeing his unmarked cruiser and he nods.
Looking past the butler Max sees that a woman is cleaning up after their dog.
"Have you seen this man?" Says Max holds up a picture of the one suspected of being the killer.
The butler gives it a once over before replying. "I'm sorry sir, no I have not." His tone sounds like he is lying... ....
"Are you sure?" The detective asks.
"I would not lie about something like that, sir." He states, his eyes not meeting Max's.
The woman calls from inside "Fletcher, who are you talking too?"
"Some man asking about a killer" he calls back.
"The killer is an inside job!" The woman quickly states.
"What?!" Max says.
"The Killer, it's an inside job." She says again, louder this time. In the same Max also hears a child begin to cry in another room.
"We should start from the beginning, it will be easier to explain trust me." The woman says.
'She seems to know what is going on....
"How do I know your story holds water?" He asks out loud.
"Oh I wouldn't lie. I have been following the case myself and it seems like an inside job to me." She states, somehow sounding hurt.
"Is there anyone else in the house besides you two and the baby?" He asks noticing the baby isn't crying anymore.
"Just Fletcher and I live here, the baby is my cousins but he just stays the night sometimes." She replies.
Max draws his gun and enters the house upon reasonable suspicion of an emergency in progress or suspect on the premisses as the man seems to be deceiving.
While the woman still seems unconcerned that the child is now silent.
He pushes past the butler and rushes towards the area he heard the crying. passes the entryway, the dinning room, and a kitchen before finally finding a child in a playpen.
"There there..." He says in a sing song voice picking up the child. "I'm officer Max, do you know where your mommy is?"
The child just cries louder.
Then he sees the man from the photo walk out of the bathroom, upon seeing him he bolts for the door and Max sets the child down gently then gives chase.
He runs through the house, following the man as he can hear the woman screaming at him to stop but he doesn't."
"Stop or I'll shoot." The man doesn't even break stride.
Instead he runs out of the front door and jumps into his car.
Furious that the man might escape he fires at the car as it drives away.
The back window shatters and he hopes he got his tire, but he doesn't wait to find out as he runs to his car and initiates a pursuit....
He flips on his concealed lights in his cruiser as he reverses down the drive and into the street.
The suspects car is fast but he manages to keep up with it weaving in and out of traffic as people move over for the siren.
As they approach a red light there is heavy traffic in the intersection..... ....
The suspect slams on his brakes and Max's cruiser only just stops short of hitting it. Jumping out the Detective points his firearm at the vehicle running up beside seeing heavily tinted windows.
"Get out of the car and on the ground now!!" He shouts as he moves to the driver's side door.
After seeing no response....
Max throws open the door and the driver is gone with the passenger side open.
He quickly runs to the other side catching the man trying to sneak off tackling him to the ground and then takes his arms putting them behind his back.
Max grabs his radio and calls it in as the man cries.
As he is waiting he hears a noise that sounds like static.....
"Wrong guy moron.. Did you ever stop to think I wanted you close for this one. That I planned everything...Even framing the pothead..... I almost lost interest until you pulled in the driveway... The attic is kinda cramped tho... I think I'll go carve some meat. Maybe graduate to other things to. I'm not sure yet. Lets see if you can catch me before......" A familiar voice says over the radio then cuts off... ...
Max looks at the man on the ground. "Why did you run from me?" He asks.
"Cause I have like 19 grams of marijuana in my pocket." He replies...
"Do you know how stupid that is?! I don't care about that I'm looking for a killer."
Before he can answer Max hears the woman from the house screaming for her life and a child's cries on his radio.
Then from below Max. "He's in the house, he's in the house! My mom and the baby!" The man on the ground says crying.
Max uncuffs him and runs to his car heading back to the house as he lays down rubber on the road... ... ...
As he approaches and pulls into the driveway he notices the front door is open.
"Hold on I'm coming!" Max screams jumping out of his cruiser...
He runs into the house finding the woman's body arriving too late. Moving over to her he checks for a pulse but she is gone, a large gash in her neck.
As he stands up he slips in a fluid but gains his balance and tries not to think about what it is....
He rushes to the room the baby was in finding the play pen empty. He leaves the room searching the rest of the house and still doesn't find the child.
"Where are you!!!" He calls out....
"This is the Callers first kidnapping and the media would eat up the fact I failed to stop the man." He thinks as he blames himself.
Sirens begin to blare in the distance as backup is about to arrive... ... ...
"There's a woman dead and a baby missing! The woman is in the dinning room straight ahead of the front door, Hurry!" He yells into his radio...
Looking over at the mother seeing a piece of paper on the floor.
He walks over to it seeing writing.
"So close... Looks like I'm a kidnapper now.... Good luck finding me.... And... I so enjoyed killing that sweet wife of yours. Might do it that way again. Not to the kid tho....later Max. Ps. This game is so fun.." It says.
"He was here..." Is all he can muster as the team enters.
"He was right in this house and I missed it because her son freaked over weed and ran..." He says as another officer speaks to him gently.
"Don't beat yourself up Detective, it's not your fault. He must have hid before you got her and left after you arrived." The words do little to comfort him "First day back on the job and the killer escaped taking a child..." He says as he walks away.
The chief arrives in his new lexus with a screeching of rubber as he lurches to a halt.
He quickly exits and leaves his door hanging open as he rushes into Max's face....
"I told you to stay away from this case MAX!!!!....(takes a breath)...
"If I catch any flak from my superiors, I won't suspend you.... That'd be to easy. Desk duty and an entry level demotion. The new guy will have a higher rank than you if things go my way.... Now get outta my sight...". "(Sighs)...
"This job is gonna be the death of me..." He says walking away from Max and towards the Coroner's van..... ..... .....
On the way home the detective stops by the store close to his house which is unlike him because he usually follows the same routine.
He nears the front door and he hears a kitchen timer ding loudly from behind him as his car explodes throwing him through the storefront windows as they are blown out..... .....
Alarms around the lot and others nearby create a cacophony of noise. His head pounding as his body aches, Max pushes himself up and collapses as the store manager runs over to him telling him not to move as he dials 911.... .... ....
Waking in the hospital Max recalls the feeling of the Shockwave as he flinches in phantom pain.
"Who woulda thought its like holding a ringing metal bat that hurts your hands but all over and way more intense." He thinks.
He suddenly feels tired and falls asleep.... .... .... ....
The next time he wakes, he sees a breaking news story that Jane Saltani is reporting on....
"Young toddler Accidently Shoots Serial killekidnapper ending his life and Alerting residents in the Area." The news anchor says.
Sighing to himself Max thinks about how crazy that is and laughs.
Tho he really wanted to bring the guy in. He closes his eyes to get some much needed sleep as his door opens.
Max looks up to see a man with a silenced pistol pointed at him.
"Hm. Now they think I'm dead. Funny how they just assume they got the right guy. Just like.... You did Detect... ....." Max hears but then hears no more as his end comes at just over the speed of sound....
The Caller leaves the hair of another intelligent convicted murderer that he obtained in a spot that's believable and quickly leaves.....
He disables the surveillance system and sends a virus out to any device that has received video data from the hospital.
Erasing and corrupting the systems. Leaving a master hackers finger prints on a glass from his home....
"Sorry, no witnesses." He says to the security guard as he fires... ..... ..... .... ....

Lately it has been nothing but upheaval. I'm being evicted, I don't have the money for a new apartment if I can even get anyone to answer me while looking for one, I've been sick the last 4 days so even if I wanted to, I couldn't pack without making it worse... I have nowhere to put what I HAVE packed which makes me have issues with continuing to pack because executive dysfunction BS... I have a couple friends who said they'd help or I could stay with them for a bit until I find a place, but haven't heard a word about either since then... then I got invited to go hang out with one of them today, when I really, REALLY just want to be around people and out of the house, only for someone else to say no, because not enough room... I've always been left out, the fifth wheel, the one people will say they'll help (in the few times I do ask for help) then go back on it... I'm tired and scared and wish I didn't have to be at home today. I want to be anywhere but here....

Romans 2
23You who glory in the law, do you dishonor God by disobeying the law? 24For “the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you,” just as it is written.
25For circumcision indeed profits, if you are a doer of the law, but if you are a transgressor of the law, your circumcision has become uncircumcision. 26If therefore the uncircumcised keep the ordinances of the law, won’t his uncircumcision be accounted as circumcision? 27Won’t those who are physically uncircumcised, but fulfill the law, judge you, who with the letter and circumcision are a transgressor of the law? 28For he is not a Jew who is one outwardly, neither is that circumcision which is outward in the flesh; 29but he is a Jew who is one inwardly, and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, not in the letter; whose praise is not from men, but from God.
Romans 3:31 Do we then overthrow the law by this faith? By no means! On the contrary, we uphold the law.
Acts 7:51 You stiff-necked people with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit, just as your fathers did.
Romans 2:28 A man is not a Jew because he is one outwardly, nor is circumcision only outward and physical.
Leviticus 26:41 and I acted with hostility toward them and brought them into the land of their enemies--and if their uncircumcised hearts will be humbled and they will make amends for their iniquity,
1 Samuel 14:6 Jonathan said to the young man bearing his armor, "Come, let us cross over to the outpost of these uncircumcised men. Perhaps the LORD will work on our behalf. Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few."
1 Samuel 17:26 David asked the men who were standing with him, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Just who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?"
Jeremiah 4:4 Circumcise yourselves to the LORD, and remove the foreskins of your hearts, O men of Judah and people of Jerusalem. Otherwise, My wrath will break out like fire and burn with no one to extinguish it, because of your evil deeds."
Jeremiah 6:10 To whom can I give this warning? Who will listen to me? Look, their ears are closed, so they cannot hear. See, the word of the LORD has become offensive to them; they find no pleasure in it.
Jeremiah 9
, 24but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.”
25“Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will punish all those who are circumcised merely in the flesh— 26Egypt, Judah, Edom, the sons of Ammon, Moab, and all who dwell in the desert who cut the corners of their hair, for all these nations are uncircumcised, and all the house of Israel are uncircumcised in heart.”
1 Corinthians 15:34 Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.
Leviticus 11:44 For I am the LORD your God; consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, because I am holy. You must not defile yourselves by any creature that crawls along the ground.
Leviticus 11:45 For I am the LORD, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt so that I would be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy.
Leviticus 19:2 "Speak to the whole congregation of Israel and tell them: Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.
Leviticus 20:7 Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, because I am the LORD your God.
Isaiah 35:8 And there will be a highway called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not travel it--only those who walk in the Way--and fools will not stray onto it.
1 Peter 1
13Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, 15but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” 17And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one’s deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, 18knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, 19but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. 20He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you 21who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.
22Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; 24for
“All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, 25but the word of the Lord remains forever.”
And this word is the good news that was preached to you.
if it is so clearly expressed that man cannot live by bread alone by out of every word of Gods mouth, and we know Christ is the bread, yet I seldom meet those circumcised of heart having purified your souls by obedience the the truth for a sincere brotherly love...
does anyone think I do not love you according to the living abiding word, do you think by the word I am condemning you? For if my words condemn you it is only by an unclean conscious, and are you so Bold to Condemn me for what you do not understand, that what you understand might be seen as right...
Gods will be Done and I shall speak when told what to say if your raise your tongue against me in Judgement...
would you bring this offense to you into Court of the King who sits on a thrown of Judgement, who scatters all evil with his eye?
would you bring your neighbor into the court of God, hastily without understanding of your neighbors case against you, and be shamed by your neighbor in heavenly Judgement?
Proverbs 25:8 do not bring hastily to court. Otherwise, what will you do in the end when your neighbor puts you to shame?
I only desire an honest discussion about this doctrine and those who are able to answer with righteous Judgement, otherwise I'm not interested...
Luke 12:11 And when they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not be anxious about how you should defend yourself or what you should say, 12for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
so unless the holy spirit has given you the answer don't bother to answer lest your darkness be exposed by the light of Christ working through me, by the truth spoken to me of the holy spirit about what I am to say
which is why people hate me without Cause, I'm so use to offspring of serpents being in our members, that I am post discouraging them, and expressing the Fullness of the working power in me, to charm or Crush a serpent...civil discussions only, if you're here to spit venom and seek oppression of Gods word to justify yourself instead of glorifying him through speaking the name of Christ Jesus giving thanks through him, then begone.
I'm only seeking legitimate answers as to why people don't agree with these doctrines of Gods own words.

--- Table of Contents ---
Autumn 4986, 16 Aoimoth
Shon and Nangran hobbled their horses at the base of a steep hill deep in the woods north of Hamerfoss. They'd left at fourth bell, before any of the other Squires had woken for their morning run, and it had still taken them hours of riding through narrow trails to reach this place. At least they hadn't run into any monsters. The snow that had dusted the landscape during the night lay thick here, crunching underfoot and occasionally flopping noisily to either side as it fell from the tall evergreen branches.
Shon adjusted the strap of his sword across his chest and reached his left hand back to brush shaking fingers over its hilt. He'd been glad when the Paladins insisted he take it with him. To them, it marked Shon as a representative of Hengist and the Temple. To Shon, it was a sign of his hard work and resolve. Having it was a comfort.
Nangran started up the hill, and Shon hurried to follow. The smith hadn’t spoken a word since they set out, not even to try and ease Shon’s anxiety, for which Shon was grateful. Master Daunas had tried to sound confident as Shon saddled his borrowed horse, and The Major General had offered him encouragement as they mounted. Neither realized how much that just drove home the desperation of the situation in Shon’s mind.
The smith pulled his heavy cloak tighter, and Shon looked away. He hadn’t bothered to wear his cloak. He'd never really felt chilled in the winter like others seemed to. Now that he knew why, he wished he had. Cold continued to swirl around him, enhanced by his worries. If he could just block those emotions, the power would never have been a problem to begin with.
The trees thinned the higher they climbed, disappearing almost entirely as they crested the top of the hill. The clearing looked over the treetops, offering an unimpeded view of the horizon. Forest all around, with flatland to the south and rocky mountain peaks to the north. Only a handful of small trees grew in the clearing, and in the middle stood a little ramshackle hut only slightly larger than an outhouse.
Nangran threw his arm out, stopping Shon from walking past him, "Don't touch anything. And don't be surprised if he says no right off."
Shon nodded, trying to swallow down his fear so it wouldn't be seen in his eyes. Dropping his hand, Nangran started forward again, finishing, "Be honest, but not insulting." The instructions, -or perhaps advice?- seemed like common courtesy, which made Shon wonder why quiet Nangran had bothered to say anything.
As they drew closer to the little shack, Shon could make out a sign on the door. He squinted to read it and had just made out 'No Soliciting' when the door swung open, banging against the wall and sending birds into flight. An old man, so thin he looked like a skeleton with yellow skin pulled tight across its bones, stormed out. Wearing nothing but a loincloth, he was shaking a thick stick at them that glinted with red rubies in the low autumn light.
"I already paid my dues for this decade! So you can take your request and shove it-" Shon’s hand instinctively reached for his sword, but Nangran just crossed his arms over his barrel chest. The old -virtually naked- man stopped yelling mid-rant and lifted one shriveled arm to shade his eyes as he squinted at them, "Eh? Flintchest, what’re you doing way out here with a blasted mage in tow?"
Rather than answer, Nangran started forward again, he didn't much care for talking, let alone shouting. Looking from Nangran to the loincloth man, Shon slowly lowered his arm, but still took position to the left and just behind the Smith as they approached the crazy man with the glittering club.
"No mage." Nangran said as he came right up to the strange old man, "Squire." he glanced over his shoulder at Shon and finished, "Sorcerer."
The old man spat on the ground and moved his squint to Shon. Running his eyes from the top of his black head to the tip of his polished boots and back, exaggerating the movement before he stopped at the Squire’s cold blue eyes.
He spat again, then barked "Where's your familiar?" scanning first the ground at Shon's feet then the sky above his head.
Shon blinked at him, furrowing his brow in confusion at the question. The mage snapped his fingers impatiently, "Your familiar! All Sorcerers have a familiar."
Nangran came to his rescue, "Just woke last night," he said shortly.
The mage spat again but didn't argue, "Well, come in then." Shon looked sideways at Nangran, but the Smith had already begun following the skinny old man into the shack. Shon hurried to catch up.
Inside, Shon's eyes were assaulted with a sparkling rainbow of colors. The room they'd entered was considerably larger than the outside would suggest, with plush carpet and a stuffed high-back armchair in front of a blazing fire in the opposite wall. Shelves full of exotic plants, glowing glass jars, and glittering stones filled every available space, reflecting off one another and setting streaks of light to dance on the floor and walls like sun rays through crystal.
There was too much to take in, so Shon focused on their host. The old man was slipping into a thick robe of deep purple velvet. He'd hung the club on the wall beside the door, which looked just as decrepit on this side as it had on the outside.
"Make a habit of greeting visitors half-naked and swinging an old fireball wand?" Nangran asked as he slipped out of his cloak.
"Keeps the conversations short." the old man replied tersely, tying his belt and turning to his guests. With boney knuckles on boney hips and glare firmly planted on his wrinkled face, he snapped, "Don't bother getting comfortable, Flintchest; you'll be leaving soon enough."
The Smith ignored him, hanging his cloak on the hook that had presumably held the mage's robe. "Got a favor to ask," he said, but the old man was already shaking his head,
"More like a favor to cash in. That's the only reason you're in here and not smoking in a hole outside."
Nangran ignored the threat and motioned from Shon to the old man and back. "Archmage Ivelm." The mage looked Shon up and down again as Nangran made the introductions, “Squire Shon.”
"Not much longer, I'd say." Ivelm said to Nangran as he finished his second examination, "It's to the Guild with this one. Too much magic." he turned his head and spat in a brass can by the door. It rang out with a loud ‘ting!' and Ivelm sniffed, looking down at Nangran again, "What do you want, Flintchest?"
"Need a seal. So the boy doesn't freeze Hamerfoss more than it already is." the smith crossed his arms, watching the mage and somehow still seeming completely at ease.
"Eh?!" Ivelm exclaimed, leaning far forward. Shon had to try hard not to crinkle his nose as the old man brought his face close enough that Shon could smell Ivelm's breath. Garlic, the mage ate a lot of garlic…
"So… you don't want to be a mage, do you?" he demanded, glaring down his nose at him. Shon shook his head and would have answered with a 'no ser.' except the mage continued, "Rather swing around some hunk of metal like a brute?"
Shon blinked stupidly, and Nangran cleared his throat, "Watch what you say about my swords, old man."
Ivelm ignored the smith as soundly as Nangran had ignored the Archmage, and continued to Shon, "The powers of the universe are at your fingertips. Blood blessed with the strength of the elements, and you wanna throw it all away," he threw his arms into the air, still uncomfortably close, "And for what? Some illusion of an honorable death by the sword?"
Shon didn't know what to say. He looked past the affronted mage's face, only an inch from his own, to Nangran. But the smith gave no sign he was going to help. Shon’s future depended on convincing this strange old man, this Archmage, to help…
Shon wasn't the type to try and convince anyone of anything, but the least he could do was explain himself. Shon stepped back from the mage to address him from a more comfortable distance. "I chose to dedicate my life to perfecting my art, and my art is martial combat," he said. Ivelm wrinkled his nose, his mouth twisting as if he were going to spit again, but Shon continued, "magic would be better served in the hands of someone who wants it badly enough to work for it. Like I've worked for my martial skills."
Ivelm leaned away from Shon, his eyebrows lifted into his frizzled gray hair. Shon looked to Nangran, hoping for some sign that this was a good response. The smith smiled from behind the mage.
"Soooo…" Ivelm drew the word out, "You think only those who dedicate themselves to strict study and practice should wield the power of the universe?" he leaned forward again, turning his head and fixing one eye on Shon like a bird. As if trying to catch him in a lie.
Shon nodded, confused, then asked, "Isn't that what it takes to effectively wield magic? Focused study?"
Ivelm didn't answer the question, instead turning his face to examine Shon with the other eye, scanning him up and down yet again. The old man had looked him up and down so much Shon wouldn't be surprised if the next question were about his hair or boots.
But Ivelm didn't ask another question. Instead, he stood straight and spat into the brass can with another ringing 'ting!' "I like this one," he said, turning his back on Shon and facing Nangran, "But it's too much." he shook his head, lifting his hands in helpless surrender, "Too much power, and ice at that. Stubborn element that one. And it's so finicky to block just elemental magic..."
Ivelm continued talking but Shon heard very little of it. A hole had opened in his gut, and it felt like his heart was racing his stomach to fall into it. But Nangran just rolled his eyes at the mage, interrupting, "Used to be the name in new magic items... made shackles to hold Archmages." he squinted at Ivelm, who had frozen mid-head shake, "Must've gotten rusty out…"
Ivelm snapped his fingers under the Smith's nose to stop him talking, "The mind does not rust, Flintchest!" he huffed, one bare foot tapping under his robe, "Not like your swords and shriveling muscles." Nangran just stared stubbornly, his thick, muscled arms still crossed over his broad chest.
The mage continued to tap his foot, his nose in the air. But as the silence stretched, Ivelm looked down at the smith, who continued to say nothing. The silent battle of wills ended when Ivelm threw his arms up in disgust and shook a finger under Nangran's nose, nearly hitting it, declaring, "I'll show you. I'll make a gem especially for this lad, and you'll see the mind only continues to grow sharper!"
He spun on his heel back to Shon, who had just made out the smith's returned smile from behind the mage when the old man snapped his fingers in Shon's face, making him jump. "Well, what are you waiting for? Come here so I can take some measurements!" Ivelm swung around again and marched across the room to a large workbench with plants and gems scattered across it. Shon scrambled after him, praying his thanks to Hengist and suddenly feeling light enough to float. His anxieties dropping away and melting like snow in summer.
***
It was already noon, and no one had come to see Her. She jumped up to grab the bars of Her window, pulling Herself up to peak out but seeing nothing but new snow and tree trunks. She was full to bursting with nervous energy, amplifying every sound and sensation. Footsteps sounded outside Her door, and She dropped from the window, sprinting across the room and resting Her ear on the wood.
“Ran, recheck the lab. Brom, with me.” Archmage Morndancer spoke with his strange alternation between draconic and common as he passed Her door without stopping. She could easily make out the swish of their robes on the stone hall leading away. Three people, Brom, Ran, and Archmage Morndancer. And yet the scurrying of too many feet to be only the two apprentices and Archmage Shaloon, sounded from the floor above. There were strangers in her tower again. Many strangers. Something was happening, something big…
She ran to Her window again, just for something to do, seeking some way to burn off some of the anxiety of not knowing what was going on around her.
A roar from down the hall, a roar of pain, sent ice washing through her veins. She slammed into the door at full speed. Pounding on the wood, She called out, “Brom?! Ran?!” Nothing. Then a yip cut short, followed by barking and yowling.
She shook the handle with both hands, rattling the door on its hinges, “BROM! RAN!” Something was happening to Her treasures, something terrible… The door handle began to glow, the metal warping and sagging as it melted. The knowledge that She would be in more trouble than She had ever been in before was nothing compared to Her terror. She wrenched the handle back with all Her might, splashing molten metal across Her bed, lighting fires that flared in her panic, and sending smoke to curl up to the ceiling.
She didn’t care. She shouldered the door open and ran.
“Red?!” She passed the first open door but couldn’t stop as Ran called out to Her. Reaching Her treasures' room, She tried to stop but slipped, slamming into the ground with a sticky splash. A final whining bark started a buzzing in Her ears as She stared, transfixed, at Her hands. They were painted red. Warm and sticky. The overpowering stench of iron nearly made Her gag as She looked up to see Morndancer toss aside a glittering golden wolf pup, the body flopping limply over the corpse of its mother and siblings.
Her world went red.
***
The last sample was taken care of, but something roared with enough ferocity to shatter glass.
Morndancer's head snapped around in time for him to fall back, shielding his face with his hands as the Firewyrm exploded. White-hot fire engulfed Her and spread out to the stone floor and walls. His robes began to smoke, the new fire protection spells woven into them being overpowered by the sheer ferocity of the blaze.
Brom had no such spells, and he had only managed a single step towards the girl before he fell to the ground, writhing for only a moment before lying still. The Archmage heard Ran scream from the hall before the journeyman stumbled past the door, flailing wildly. Barely discernible as human inside the flames.
The Firewyrm moved towards him, stepping through Brom’s head, turned to ash, and blown up to dance in the air on the same heatwaves causing the girl's hair to wave wildly about Her. She didn't seem to notice, Her face was expressionless and her eyes glowed as red as the scales across Her cheek. Morndancer tried to snap his fingers, but the golden collar around Her neck melted, Her clothes burning off and leaving Her naked and terrible in the flames.
His robe was burning now, and only the pain of that could pull his eyes from the Firewyrm as he pointlessly tried to beat the fires off. He fell back, hitting the wall, which drooped, sagging and dripping molten stone onto his head and face. Then he fell further back, into a gate that opened behind him.
Shaloon pulled him through the portal and into the library three stories up. The Firewyrm roared again and the tower walls shook with the force of it. The gate closed, but Morndancer continued to burn. He could hear screaming. Was it him? Was he screaming? Fire burst up the spiral stairs in the middle of the room, and apprentices, both their own and many sent from the central and western Talon, scrambled about in a panic, some even leaping from the windows.
Shaloon cursed, holding out her hand and summoning her sword again. She had to draw the circle five times before a second gate finally formed, and she dove through it, pulling Morndancer along with her as it quickly closed. An apprentice reached through, and his arm fell at Morndancer’s feet, miles away in the sitting room of his manor back in Smildna.
He laughed. Shaloon slapped him, and he laughed. Ronni, his daughter, burst through the door, her own daughter, only a year old, perched on her hip, and still, he laughed. “What’s wrong?! What happened to him?!” he barely registered his daughter's words and continued to laugh, rolling around on the ground in mirthful madness.
“The Firewyrm She…” Shaloon started, but Morndancer yelled over her in draconic,
“She is true! She is pure! She is rage! The children will come and raise the grandchildren! We have only to await the coming of those Chosen!” the room faded around him, becoming washed out and gray then finally black as he continued to laugh and shout, “They take those who slew them and use them to raise themselves anew…”
He couldn’t feel his burns or the hands trying to settle him. He saw only darkness and stars. And the eyes of his Master boring into his soul from the outer planes.
***
Shon couldn't remember ever feeling so drained in his life. He'd been tired before, exhausted even, but it had never felt quite like this. The eccentric Archmage Ivelm had ordered him to 'empty his energy' into stone after stone. Measuring the weight, color, and temperature of each. Making notes in chalk directly on his table and talking to himself. Shon was shocked the first time he saw the smooth rock handed to him change from a translucent white to an onyx as black as his hair, but by the time they'd gone through the twentieth stone, Shon had decided to stop counting.
Ivelm, however, seemed to get more and more excited with each one. Giving Shon reason to suspect the mage may be taking the energy for himself. After what felt like hours, Ivelm finally stoppered the potion he'd mixed with the most recent jewel, glowing a soft pale blue, and stepped back from the workbench, bony hands on bony hips.
"It can be done." Ivelm swiveled to face Nangran, "He's strong, I don’t know how he managed not to manifest until now, but it's all focused in one elemental direction." he rubbed his chin and looked at the ceiling, completely ignoring Shon's arched eyebrow. "It has a bit of divine flavor as well. But I suppose that shouldn't be surprising for a training Paladin." The mage stopped musing and glared down his nose at Nangran, who had made himself comfortable in the oversized wingback chair by the fire, "It will have to be a lot bigger than a piece of jewelry would allow."
The smith just hummed and sipped at his mug. When had he gotten a mug? Shon looked from one old man to the other. It was apparent Ivelm wanted Nangran to ask him for details, but the ever stoic smith said nothing.
Shon was tired. His limbs felt heavy, and the weight of his simple uniform felt more like platemail. He was just about to ask what the Archmage meant, to hurry them along, when Ivelm threw his hands in the air and said, "You'll need to find somewhere to put it. I would recommend that." he pointed at the hilt of Shon's sword over his shoulder, continuing, "If the lad is insisting on swinging a metal stick around instead of harnessing the ultimate powers of the universe then that same stick might as well sap the power literally as well as figuratively." Shon arched an incredulous eyebrow but Ivelm wasn't paying attention, finishing, "I can get it down to about an inch and a half orb. At the smallest. If you want something different, say so now."
Nangran set his mug on the ground and stood with a grunt and a groan. Shon just wanted to go home and sleep for a week, so when the smith reached for the hilt of his sword for a closer look Shon hardly noticed, until the squat smith jerked it down to eye level. Shon swung his arms like a drowning man and stepped wide to prevent himself from falling over.
"Quit wigglin'," Nangran grumbled, studying the sword's pommel with a professional eye. "One and a half'll do, preferably in a tear…"
The mage snorted and continued to ignore the struggling half crouched Shon, his voice dripping sarcasm as he addressed the smith, "Shall I wrap it in silk for you as well?"
"Na." Nangran let go of the sword, and Shon stood straight, lifting his leg to shake out the knee. "Drop it off when you’re done." the Mage snorted again but didn't counter.
None of them were interested in extending the visit, so Nangran grabbed his heavy cloak and shrugged it on while Shon waited by the door. "It will be at least a fortnight," Ivelm called from his position by the workbench, not about to walk them out.
Nangran grunted his confirmation and opened the battered and decrepit door, letting the wind and early autumn snow blow in on their way out. Shon followed numbly, his eyes unfocused as he walked, and ran right into the much shorter man. Nangran hardly moved as Shon bounced off of him. He was squinting into the distance, one large hand shading his eyes. Shon stared at Nangran for a moment before following the direction of his gaze over the tree line.
Smoke. A LOT of smoke. The black clouds billowed violently into the sky, occasionally lit from below by sparks shot high into the air.
"Elm!" Nangran shouted. Shon had never heard the man call so loudly. The Archmage must have also been shocked because the door to his hut swung open and he stuck his head out to look to either side, eyes wide.
"Flintchest, what?" but he soon saw what, "But, that's the old chemist's tower… What?" he stood in shocked confusion for a heartbeat before turning back into the hut. Shon looked from the shack to Nangran, but before he could say anything, the mage was back, struggling with two long rods, one blue with what looked like waves painted all around, the other black and studded with diamonds.
"Don't just stand there!" Ivelm snapped at the two as he finally managed to slip the blue rod into a sheath at his side. He then pointed the diamond rod at the space between two close-growing trees. Shon heard him say something unintelligible, and one of the diamonds shot out of the tip of the rod to hover between the trees before expanding into a portal.
Beyond the magical gate, Shon could hear the fire roar. It sounded how he imagined the burning hells might sound, but as he followed the two men through, he realized his imagination was tame by comparison.
The smell of burning flesh and hair choked him as they stepped clear of the gate's magic. The heat smashed into them like a wall, and all three brought their arms up to shield their faces. Around them were the charred remains of what looked like humans, their faces buried in the mud as if they'd been trying to run from the blaze. Shon had to swallow the bile that rose in his throat and focused instead on the fire Ivelm had said was a tower.
It was completely engulfed in bright flames of all colors. Squinting through the light, he could see the stone walls melting like wax. The arch of the doorway sagged in the middle, and Shon's eyes went wide. Someone was in there.
He would've had to shout over the roar of the flames, but it didn’t matter; Ivelm was already raising the blue wand, jerking his fingers in strange ways and mouthing words impossible to hear. Water shot out the tip of the wand with the force of a ballista and hissed against the glowing stones.
It wasn't possible. It must be a trick of the flickering flames. But the figure turned its face to them, long hair whipping about as it took steps in their direction.
"Don't just stand there, boy!" Ivelm screamed. "They must have a fire-resist spell; those things don't last forever!"
Nangran grabbed Shon’s upper arm, pulling him a step closer to the fire and down so he could shout in his ear, "Freeze a path."
Shon swallowed. He was so tired, literally drained. He didn't know what to do or how to do it. But the figure in the fire reached out to them only to pull away from a drop of molten rock. Shon fell to his knees, placing his hands on the ground and pleading silently to Hengist. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to control the power. He tried picturing a path of snow between himself and the tower base, concentrating on it until the mental image overlaid the real world, as he did when imagining phantom fighters during practice.
Ice snaked its way from Shon's fingers towards the burning tower along his mental path, powered by the fear that he wouldn't be fast enough to save the person inside. The water from Ivelm's wand helped carve the way, and Shon grunted physically as he struggled to push mentally. His breathing came heavy and ragged. He could feel the fire melting the edges of the ice as if it were a part of him. Still, he fought back and forced it to continue to form into solid sheets moving closer and closer to the figure still trapped in the tower.
Wherever the ice formed solid, it stayed. The fire drawing back from it until, finally, it reached the doorway. He urged the ice to climb up the doorframe, to hold it in place and keep it from falling, from moving at all.
Shon was seeing double. He struggled to focus on the figure and flinched as they stepped onto the frozen path. The ice hissed and melted under their bare unsteady feet, he could feel it... feel them, their heat, on his ice.
It was a young woman. Or an older girl. She was naked; her clothes burned away by the fire. Her long hair was being blown forward by the heat of the burning tower, obscuring her face. As she moved closer, Shon could make out strange red stripes snaking around her body, standing in stark relief against her pale skin.
Ivelm stepped in front of him then, throwing Nangran's cloak around her shoulders as she crumpled to the ground. Nangran himself knelt beside Shon, resting one massive hand on the Squire's back. "You can stop, lad…" his voice trailed off, and Shon felt an emptiness open in his chest. No one could have survived that, not if they hadn't already made it to the entrance like the girl. As if to punctuate the thought, Shon managed to focus his eyes only to see the tower's entrance wall fold and collapse in on itself, the stones flowing like soft wax.
--- Table of Contents ---
Sorry for the double post today. I wanted to keep Ch 14 & 15 together.
Thanks for making it this far, you are the real MVP

My love life is a mess and I've never really been able to open up to anyone about my relationship situation and how it's played out, so here it is.
I apologize beforehand for the rambling mess this is going to be. But I so desperately want to get this out into the world and, well, off my chest. Buckle in, it's a long one.
I've(27F) known N(26NB) since high school and always been allured by them, but we were never available at the same time or around each other more than the occasional friendly gathering. I went away to college and had issues with my then BF, N was my confidant in so many ways when I was away and isolated from my family on an internship and N had been keeping in contact better than BF at the time had been. We got too close then, BF at the time became uncomfortable, I had crossed a line with intimate messages. I had no idea at the time how much N felt towards me. Because of my error my college BF banned me from speaking with N or being alone with them. Reasonable, or at least I thought so at the time. Almost two years later I broke up with my college BF, that's when things really started getting complicated.
Because of the previous conflict and other circumstances N wasn't really in my life at the time. I fell in love with G(27m). G and I were and are two peas in a pod. They pushed me to work on my mental health, to chase my career goals, to strive towards a family. G had a son from a previous relationship that led me to tackle my fear of parenting and children and made me realize that I did want a family.
Then G's mother passed. I had never been good with understanding grieving, and G had never had to grieve in that way before. I was raised in a family that had the mentality of "People die, get over it, move on." Words I regretfully told G in one of our final fights as we broke up. See, G's mother was sick and dying when we started dating, her death had been looming on the horizon the entire time I was with G, she got two more years than the doctors predicted. I was by G's side through it all. Stepping up to take care of his son and being the parent I had previously been terrified of being. G saw me struggling and knew they were too emotionally unavailable to make me happy, so they posited that I should get closer with N, whom I had recently reconnected with.
See, over the course of mine and G's four year relationship we had experimented and begun to practice polyamory. It fit well with our lifestyle for the most part, and we had the communication skills to follow through with it. Previous to me seeing N it had been mostly casually dating people for a few months here and there. But this time it was different. See, I had reconnected with N and all of the chemistry we had always had was back full force. We were highschool sweethearts who were caught in a honeymoon phase. G tried to be patient, wait out the honeymoon phase, but they needed me. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with N while G was losing my interest more and more.
For a while things were okay. Communication was good, I spent time with both partners and everyone felt fulfilled, myself included. But as issues arose I was growing further and further from G and I was getting closer and closer to N. Don't get me wrong. G knew where I was and what was going on. He consented to it. I know polyamory gets frowned upon often, but it really did work for us previous to this instance. The difference was N wasn't someone I wanted to put second. I loved them a lot. We had great chemistry, they listened to me when G wouldn't. They hyped up my personal hobbies when G actively told me he didn't care about them. They championed my mental health when G had pushed it aside. G began to resent the time I was spending with N, I began to resent G for not allowing me time with N without calls or texts, or constant badgering on when I'd be home or when was N going to leave. I started lying about how long i'd be, or when i'd be home. I'd stay up late to talk with N as G went to bed alone. I started stonewalling G, distancing myself, sleeping on the couch, pushing them away. I still can't believe the things I did and said to them, someone I loved then and still love now.
A big issue was that I felt like I had the whole world on my shoulders when I came home at night. At age 24 I put a roof over our head, I paid for my own health insurance while he was still getting it for free, I did the cooking, grocery shopping, farmed full time as the manager of a cattle herd that required me to basically be on call 24/7. I was raising a toddler that wasn't mine because he was too exhausted after work. I made less money than G, but paid half the bills and was reprimanded when i had no fun money to go do things with him. He'd often buy himself new tools and accessories for his hobbies, he bought a three wheeler for a large chunk of change and then talked about how he couldn't afford an engagement ring. I felt neglected and taken for granted. Then to top it off I had to step up to be a therapist to my partner who had lost all meaning to his life when his mother died.
G handled me roughly with his words and physicality, told me he didn't know how to be romantic. His pet name for me was "dumb bitch" it started as a joke, I didn't mind at first but then it became the normal. He didn't allow me to have time to myself because he needed me to sit and look at tiktoks with him for an hour, but they couldn't even be bothered to give me a kiss when they got home from work, he just plopped down in his recliner and asked me to take his boots off. I felt like a roommate at the end. Or even worse, a mother. To top it off, G had a 'mommy kink' which I usually wouldn't judge, i've always been extremely open minded in the bedroom but it was fairly jarring considering the circumstances.
I ended up breaking things off with N after a fight between G and I where he threatened to leave me if things didn't change. Our communication was non-existent. We fought all of the time and I resented him. It was harvest season on the farm, a time that comes with massive amounts of stress, and I had no support system. My family had no real idea what was happening because I didn't feel safe talking to them. (Lots of childhood trauma and very judgemental parents that have a bit too much control in my life because they sign my paychecks.) Up to this point my main support had been N and I had pushed them away in a feeble attempt to fix things with G. I knew in the back of my head that things were ending. I was scared of being alone, scared of being financially incapable of taking care of myself. I went through with it though. I told G I was done and wanted him out. He put the thoughts in my head when he gave me the aforementioned ultimatum of "things need to change" it's really when I started losing hope and he's admitted his regret for those words since then as well.
It takes six weeks for him to move out and back in with his father. In the meantime I live in the basement spare bedroom and office. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. Anytime I was caught upstairs in the main living areas hed corner me, try to goad emotional talks out of me, try to beg for attention. I was cold. I was tired. All I had wanted was space and he continued to smother me for his own needs while completely ignoring my own. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I would've caved and just went to bed with him at night for a week or so. If I wouldn't have stonewalled him. If I would've given him a second chance would he have changed for me? I ask myself that a lot.
After he moved out I started talking to N again. I was bad at being alone, and so was N. They missed me. I tried to keep my distance and stay single, heal, and become a better more independent individual. But in the back of my mind I couldn't help but question if I had left G for myself, or if I had left him for N. I still wonder about it to this day, and I truly don't have an answer.
N and I weren't really officially dating. We acted like partners but we had never really made it public or announced it. Our mutual friends had a rough idea of what was going on. They supported the two of us together, thought we were a perfect match, thought we were great for each other. But it still wasn't official. Mainly because it felt like it was too soon. I thought that N was the one though, that given some time and self improvement we'd be perfect for eachother. A wrench was thrown in that plan when G came back into my life after very little contact. We worked for a seasonal business together, we were civil and professional enough that we didn't think there would be any issues.
At a big seasonal event (a week long business convention) G and I reconnected. We aired out some things needed for closure. We talked through a lot of hurts and how just in a few months we had both grown so much. We had been separated maybe four months at this point. My feelings hit me like a freight train. I carried a lot of guilt for how fast I had moved with N after the breakup, and for the shitty things I had done and said to G during the breakup when I was highly emotional. I realized how quickly I had pushed this person to whom I had wanted to get married and have a family with away. I saw how much better he was doing after some more time to grieve his mother's death and get himself back on his feet. He had changed jobs to something with more manageable hours that still paid well and he had reclaimed some of his hobbies that he had let go to the wayside due to stress and depression. He was doing so good for himself and I suddenly regretted everything. I remember venting to him about all of my insecurities at the time, and my concerns for life, and for a change, he actually listened and comforted me. Something he hadn't done since the first few years of our relationship.
Fast forward to after the business convention, I tell N that I need space. I realize that, as much as I love them, I have a lot to figure out, and honestly I missed G. A lot. I still wasn't over them, and there was a part of me that wanted to be better and try to get them to take me back. G told me that it was a slim chance, a very very slim chance. He told me that even though the odds looked tough, if i needed to hang onto that small chance to challenge myself to be better, then to do it. So I tried. Tried being independant, more social, better at house keeping for myself. I got closer with G again, but still spoke daily with N. There was a lot of emotional turmoil in my life but I had them both in my daily life again, and I was so happy for it. I got physical with G a few times in the span of a couple weeks. We weren't serious, it was more-so that we missed each others intimacy. I enjoyed the way they taunted me, and the things they did to me, it was like the beginning of our relationship again. But better because we knew each other better.
It didn't last long. G started talking to another girl, we stayed close friends, but he started making attempts at moving on. It hurt like hell. I made myself be okay with it though, and I made friends with the new girl because I didn't want to lose him again. I went back to N at that point. I was lonely, and i missed their uplifting affection. Things got more and more serious and G got more serious with his partner as well. Soon enough N and I were officially dating.
Honestly, at this point, life was great. N and I had so much chemistry physically, there were some things I missed about G and certain aspects of my previously polyamorous lifestyle, but I gained a lot of new things with N. They were so much more caring and thoughtful and gentle. They could satisfy me better. Almost a full year went by, N was basically living with me, I had some hiccups where I needed space, but we worked through them. But, then it started happening again. G came back. He was struggling with his relationship and venting to me about it. I hurt for him, I knew he deserved better. I wanted to be that for him despite my own relationship. I told myself that G and I couldn't work out, I told everyone that would listen that we were like oil and water. All the while we were each-others confidants. I lied to myself even. Tried to convince myself that I didn't have feelings like that for him anymore.
I began having issues of discontentment with my relationship with N. I craved a partner with the independence and social extroversion that G had grown to have, meanwhile N was very dependant on me for many things, and was extremely introverted. I truly did love them how they were, but the grass is always greener I guess. I hate myself even now for the things I thought and the way I felt about it all. I tried my best to communicate my problems, even going as far as admitting to N that I was still in love with G. It hurt them, but it wasn't a surprise. G and I had been hanging out as friends more and more, he had left his gf and was now single. N let me spend time with G with no fuss, they didn't want to deprive me of someone they knew I cared about. But being around G made me start to lose patience with N. It was history repeating itself opposite. N saw it happening, they started to get clingier, they were insecure. I can't blame them. They'd been on the opposite side of the situation before. They knew how I could be emotionally.
A giant moment was when G was telling me about his vasectomy consultation. As he was describing the process and how it would go I started tearing up out of nowhere. I didn't know why, it was then that I realized I wanted a family. Up until this point N had been very adamant about being child free. G had been the only person i'd ever considered having kids with, and that was about to be gone completely. G point blank asked me if I wanted him to freeze some, just in case the future went that way. That he didn't have to tell anyone and it would be our secret. It sent me into sobs. I didn't realize how strongly I had felt about it until then. At this point things just kept getting more complicated.
I tried to stay invested in my relationship with N. But it was getting more and more difficult. We had some trips planned, we had conversations about wanting a family, and our future. Possible career changes for them, they wanted to face some of their big anxieties so that they could be more independent. They even discussed the idea of having a kid someday and why they had been averse to it previously and how they felt it might be different with me. They constantly showed that they wanted to be a better person for me and were willing to put in the work.
I sit here typing this, knowing I still love them, knowing they were doing so much for me, and I wish I wouldn't have been so blind to it then. Instead of embracing their betterment, I told them I wanted to be single again. That I wanted to try to better myself alone and find my independence, the same things I told G when I left him. See, I had convinced myself that I wanted to get G back. That he was the person I was meant to be with. But every passing day my resolve waned. A week and a half after the breakup I ended up in G's bed again. He's confessed his feelings for me, how he wants to hash out old wounds and try again. At first I was all in. But now I just feel hollow. To top it off, I've kept in contact with N as well and we've been intimate since the break up. I have such strong feelings for the both of them and I don't know what to do about it. I could continue to try and go back to G, but he's dubious about having another kid, and marriage and all of the things that are important to me. I don't blame him. I broke his trust the first time we were together and I left him. I never gave him a chance to get better and I often feel genuinely evil for the way I acted while he was mourning the death of his mother. I was selfish and narrow minded.
But on the flip side, N is still right here comforting me, encouraging me, wanting me to succeed and be happy in life even without them, even though i know it kills them to see me go off and do things by myself or with G. It weighs on my mind all the time, the way they've professed undying love to me and told me that there is no one else for them. Because of their history and personality, it's hard not to believe it. They've always been so purely honest with me. I know that they'd take me back in a heartbeat, I don't feel worthy of their love.
What hurts the most and makes myself question everything is that through all this turmoil, being able to physically and emotionally interact with both of them at once is when I'm at my happiest and most fulfilled, but that's an impossible option. The idea of moving on from both and finding someone new is also an impossible option. They're both so much a part of me, and I live a lifestyle with a fair amount of isolation. I don't meet new people often at all, and I live a lifestyle that would require a partner to give up their life to join me, which means the older I get the less likely I am to find someone who is willing to do that. I don't think I can handle being alone forever and all I want is to move on to the next stage of my life. I'm pushing 30 and I feel like a 19 year old all over again.
This has been long and rambling and might not make much sense. To those who stuck through it and read it, thank you. To anyone who wants to weigh in, be it comments, advice, or criticism, I'll gladly accept it.
So Tl;Dr: I'm deeply in love with two people, have broken up with both of them seperate times to go to the other, but now I'm with neither and I question which one is the one for me or if I should just give up and be alone, knowing that one of the two will never move on from me and that I may never find as compatible partners because of my lifestyle.

God is a trinity
God the father God the son God the holy spirit
God the father: Genesis 1:26 / Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.
John 14:28 / You have heard Me say to you, ‘I (Jesus) am going away and coming back to you.’ If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I.
God the holy spirit: Genesis 1:2 / The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
John 14:26 / But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have told you.
John 16:13 / However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.
God the Son: John 1:2-5 / In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
John 8:58 / Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM.”
God is good: 1 Chronicles 16:34 / Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.
God is holy: Psalm 97:12 / Be glad in the Lord, you righteous ones, And give thanks to His holy name.
God's love: John 3:16 / For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
God's justice: 2 Corinthians 5:10 / For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.
God is righteous: Psalm 119:137 / Righteous are You, O Lord, and upright are Your judgments.
How to enter heaven:

1. Believe in the trinity
2. Believe Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross
3. Believe Jesus Christ was raised from the dead 3 days later
4. Do not follow your own desires
5. Put on the armour of God
6. Resist the devil and he will flee
7. Follow God's commandments
8. Repent of your sins
9. Pray to God
10. Ask for forgiveness from God

1 John 2:3-6 / When we obey God, we are sure we know him. But if we claim to know him and don't obey him, we are lying and the truth isn't in our hearts. We truly love God only when we obey him as we should, and then we know we belong to him. If we say we are his, we must follow the example of Christ.
We are all sinners but through Jesus we can find everlasting life.
Repent and turn from your old ways. Sin escalates and gets worse without regret.
Sin is not allowed in heaven so bind and resist sin on earth.
Matthew 18:18 / I assure you and most solemnly say to you, whatever you bind [forbid, declare to be improper and unlawful] on earth shall have [already] been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose [permit, declare lawful] on earth shall have [already] been loosed in heaven.
We can receive forgiveness and mercy for our sins through God the son, Jesus Christ our lord and saviour.
Forgiveness is available to everyone, even those who have made the same mistakes many times. However repentance is needed from you. Jesus will show you the right way but you still have a choice to follow or not.
How to resist the devil:
The armor of God represents the defense we must take in our spiritual lives. The Bible tells us that we are fighting a war against Satan, who seeks to destroy us. Therefore, we must take action and put on God's armor. As Christians, it is important for us to understand the severity of this battle.
Armor of God

1. the belt of truth - honesty
2. the breastplate of righteousness - do the right thing
3. the shoes of the gospel of peace - remain calm and collected
4. the shield of faith - trust God
5. the helmet of salvation - accept Jesus Christ is my lord and savior.
6. The sword of the Spirit - use and know the word of God

GOOD FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT:
Galatians 5:22-23 / But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Matthew 6:14 / For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 22:37-39 / Jesus says, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
1 Peter 4:8 / And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins
John 14:21 / Whoever has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and reveal Myself to him.”
SINS:
The 10 Commandments: 1. You shall have no other God's before me. 2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. 4. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy. 5. Honor your father and mother. 6. Thou shalt not kill. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. 8. Thou shalt not steal. 9. Thou shall not bear false witness. 10. You shall not covet.
The seven deadly sins are:

1. lust
2. gluttony
3. greed
4. laziness
5. wrath
6. envy
7. pride

Proverbs 6:16-19 / These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Matthew 5:27-28 / You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
James 4:17 / So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin
Colossians 3:5-6 / Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.
Galatians 5:19-21 / Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity (hostility), strife (conflict), jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions (disagreement), divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21 / Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality (sexual pleasure), idolatry, sorcery, enmity (hostility), strife (conflict), jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions (disagreements), divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Any miracles done that is not from God is from the devil. The devil is deceitful and will hide his sorcery in false doctrines. Do not be deceived and be led astray because this is done by the devil to hide the truth.
1 John 3:15 / Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.
CONSEQUENCES OF SIN:
James 1:12-16 / Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and SIN WHEN IT IS FULLY GROWN BRINGS FORTH DEATH. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers
Hebrews 3:12-14 / Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an EVIL, unbelieving heart, LEADING YOU TO FALL AWAY FROM THE LIVING GOD. But exhort (strongly encourage) one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be HARDENED BY THE DECEITFULNESS OF SIN. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.
1 Peter 3:12 / For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.
Matthew 5:30 / And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
Proverbs 9:10 - The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
SAVED BY FAITH:
Matthew 7:21-23 / Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of lawlessness!’
Ephesians 2:8 -10 = For by grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God; not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand SO WE MAY DO THEM.
James 2:17 = So too, faith by itself, if it does not result in action, is dead
James 2:21-22 / Was not our father Abraham justified by what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith was working with his actions, and his faith was perfected by what he did.
My conclusion on faith:
We are saved by faith in the trinity. Works are there to strengthen your faith. Sin weakens your faith until it dies.
Reasons for evil:
Isaiah 45:7 / I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the Lord, do all these things
You have free will to choose to be good or evil. God allows you to choose even if he knows what you will choose. If he doesn't allow evil people to exist he cannot give free will to man or he cannot let man be created. If man has no free will then we can no longer call ourselves human being as we would be something else. If we are not created by God he cannot save his lost sheep born into a world of good and evil where the ground is cured and weeds grow amongst the wheat.
Hell was created for the fallen angels but also because evil people exist. Evil people cannot escape justice so God created a place of torment for them. This place is for people who disobey God and refuse to serve him.
Matthew 13: 37-39 / He answered and said unto them, He that soweth the good seed is the Son of man; The field is the world; the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked one; The enemy that sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the world; and the reapers are the angels.
God needs cursed ground to sow the seeds of sinners. God has rules which he also follows, he does not just do as he wants. The devil can sow his own seeds as well. The devil's seeds/children can also be saved.
Zechariah 3 1-4 = Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! The LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?" Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes." Then he said to Joshua, "See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you."
The devil is making mistakes as you can see from the verse above. Weeds can also be saved.
These sinners can be saved by faith in God the son. We are all black sheep which God is coming to find.
The reason for life: So that God can tell you who you are at the end of your life. Only God can define you. God loves you and wants to bless you.
The bible is God's word. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 / All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

Credit for the original story goes to u/spacepaladin15. I have to say, this was easily my favorite chapter to write. I hope you enjoy!
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Memory transcript subject: Trish, Venlil civilian
Date [Standardized Human Time]: February 29th, 2177
Location: Lower sprawl of City 23, Venlil Prime
It was a long drive back down to the Den, and the whole group held their breath for every second of it with spines bristling and skin crawling. To all of them, it felt like exterminators might appear behind them at any moment if they let themselves relax for so much as a second. The only noise (aside from the whiny roar of the engine) was the hiss of a spray bottle, as James disinfected the wound at Sasha’s side with some mild antiseptic and threw a light cover of bandages over the whole affair. Those aside, the vehicle was filled with a deathly silence.
By the time they were back at the Tipped Quill, even Beast seemed cowed. Trish set it down in the adjacent side-alley, and its doors opened without so much as a screech of the unoiled hinges. They silently disembarked for the bar with all the cheer of a funeral procession, each of them constantly sneaking looks behind them. James and Burai were in front, Tressa and Trish in back, with Sasha and the cargo shielded from all angles as though they were under attack. The thick tension in the air further silenced their movements, leaving only the sound of the ashen wind outside as they walked.
​
As soon as the door to the Den slid shut behind them, the tension snapped. A roar of exuberant emotion from every angle nearly pushed Trish to the ground, as the rest of them erupted with cheers. It was like being at the center of a supernova, a feeling of being crushed from all angles. Trish just barely managed to stay upright from the sudden shock, ears failing to adjust for several seconds to the new baseline of noise.
“—and just threw himself at them, crying some sob story about a human hunting him. And they bought it! They actually bought it!”
“No shit they bought it! What were they gonna do, let an opportunity to put those flamers to work pass them by?”
“You know, there was a fire escape ladder on the other side of the building. If you’d let me say something before jumping, maybe I wouldn’t need to pull this quill out of your side.”
“You and I both know we— mhfff— didn’t have that sort of time. ”
The dizzying whirl of socialization around her faded into a manageable hum, nervous sharp laughter giving way to more gentle chuckles as the adrenaline faded. Trish managed to drag herself to a chair, nausea fading but legs still shaky from the sudden outburst. She should’ve thought to bring earplugs.
“Hey Trish, you good? You’re looking pretty faint yourself…” James wrapped up his work and paced over to her, his face a bizarre mix of mirth and concern.
“Fine, I’m fine. Just a lot of noise, that’s all. Is Sasha OK?”
“Yeah, just a spine in her side from that fall. It didn’t get past skin, so she’ll be just fine. Here, why don’t I get you some… hmmm, how do you feel about champagne?”
“I don’t— Champagne?”
He grinned, almost literally ear-to-ear. “Yeah, ‘course! Or cider, if that’s more your style. You know, this is a big occasion! A mysterious unmarked bag from the same contact who got us those pistols last time, we can afford a bit of celebration!”
“...Cider sounds good. This has human amounts of alcohol, right? I don’t want to dull my perception if anything comes up.”
“Relax, relax! You’re acting like there’s a squad of exterminators waiting ‘till we’re drunk to kick the door down. Trust me, it’s all downhill from here! Here, let me get you a glass…”
—
The backpack was set upon a footrest, and all lamps trained on it to make a sort of spotlight. To a rapt and silent audience, Trish walked up to their little makeshift shrine and carefully unzipped the gray fabric.
After only a couple hours and far fewer drinks than might be expected, curiosity had gotten the better of them. They all knew it would be better to wait until morning to see what was in the backpack; for something as potentially monumental as this, being well-rested and sober would be invaluable. They kept their curiosity at bay for long, agonizing hours. But it couldn’t hold. Burai made some joke about holding a ceremony to open the thing, and that was all the push they needed.
Inside the backpack, an expensive-looking technological box lay cushioned in a nest of nondescript white fabric. Trish mercilessly gutted the bag, lifting the contents up high for all to see for a moment before placing the device on the spot where the backpack had set seconds prior. After a moment’s inspection, she found a clearly-marked button on the side which she pushed without so much as a moment’s consideration. A hiss of air and a blink from the green light on the side, and the entire box split in two before sliding open. The blast of heat from the inside made Trish recoil slightly. She peered in.
Her gaze was met by a small oval, glistening slightly under the light of heating elements and LEDs. Blue, glossy with a slightly rough texture, and barely the size of Trish’s paw. She ran a claw across the side; tiny bumps coated the surface. It was extremely warm to the touch. With great care, she lifted it from its metal cocoon and held it up for the rest of the group to see what exactly they’d risked life and limb for.
​
The only person who seemed to recognize it was Sasha, who all but collapsed at the sight. Mouth covered with a hand, eyes wide and frantic, breathing unsteady. Burai practically dragged her to a nearby chair.
“W-What the fuck? How? How!?”
“Sasha, are you—”
Without waiting for Burai’s question to finish, Tressa rushed over to her and practically tackled her with a hug. He was coming at her from an awkward angle, so rather than a graceful embrace, it ended up with him sliding down an arm head over tail. Undeterred, he righted himself and wrapped his tail around her shaking hand.
“Sasha, breath. Five seconds in, five seconds hold, five seconds out, remember? We’ve got you.”
Gradually, her breathing stabilized, and her hands began to steady. Her eyes, however, remained wild and dilated, still roughly focusing on the small blue object in Trish’s paws. After several long seconds, she finally took the hint and carefully set it back in the case.
“Sasha, talk to me. What is it?”
Sasha’s voice was still unsteady, hands still slightly trembling as she pointed at the container. “...What is it? Do… any of you know what that is? What you’ve brought?”
“It’s an egg, isn’t it? I mean, it’s in an incu—”
“It’s an Arxur.”
“...What?”
“That’s an Arxur’s egg.”
Her words rang out like a gunshot, leaving still silence in its wake as the rest of the group processed the meaning behind them. Each person went through a set of reactions in series, timings offset. Shock, disbelief, denial, awe. Their faces and tails formed a silent orchestra of emotion.
Burai was the first to recover, and the first to speak. “How are we going to feed it?”
Sasha looked at him as though he had three heads.
“Well, it’s not like we can get synthesized meat anymore… there’s not exactly anywhere it could hunt, either. Maybe we—”
“Feed it? What fucking part of Arxur don’t you understand!? This is the same species that tore… Burai, you were there! On the cradle, you saw what they did! You should remember better than anyone! They had no empathy, no morals… They killed for fun, ate children out of their parent’s arms! And you want to…”
Sasha’s voice broke, but she continued. “...you want to raise it?”
Burai met her gaze but did not answer. In a truly rare moment, he seemed to be at a loss for words. Sasha looked around at the rest of them; they all wore the same look of determination and all failed to justify their decision with so much as a whisper of argument.
“You want to raise it?” she repeated again, louder this time, as though questioning them at higher volume would make them realize the error of their ways. “Do you think it’ll love you because you were the one feeding it flesh from birth? And… then what? What about every other species in this goddamn ash heap, will it love them enough to starve itself?” She looked around expectantly, but was met with the same steel glares.
“Well? Say something!” she spat. “Any of you!”
​
“Sasha…” Burai began gently, “Do you remember when Cilany’s interview first leaked?”
It was Sasha’s turn to go silent with a cold glare, apparently not seeing where the question led. The rest of the room shuddered; they’d heard the story before. He continued regardless. “The news that the Gojid once ate meat… it hit a lot of people hard. I was in a refugee shelter on Earth at the time. Nobody took it well. Nobody even talked for days afterwards. I heard a couple people tore out their claws and tried to remove their teeth. And there was this one kid… Teveq.
“He was so energetic, always off doing something. With the pups, usually, keeping them out of trouble. Or praying. He prayed to the Great Protector every night for his family to be found hiding somewhere on the cradle. Or sketching, buildings and burrows and skyscrapers. He wanted to be an architect, told me about it a few times. He was always so chatty… he kept me company when I couldn’t even bear to get out of bed. I found him in his room a couple days after we learned. He had a gun to his head.
“He didn’t pull the trigger, but it didn’t make a difference. He stopped eating, stopped talking. He stopped crying too after a few days, and he was just a breathing corpse, a corpse that lost more and more weight each day. He didn’t even pray anymore. The god he’d prayed to for protection hated him.
“When the Kolshians surrounded Earth, he didn’t leave. He wanted to burn. He thought he deserved it, because his people once ate meat.”
Sasha’s look of rage was replaced with sheer horror, but he wasn’t done. “The Federation killed him. Tore out his heart and soul, and incinerated what was left. Not just him, either. Nobody knows what the Gojid were once like before the Federation ‘cured’ us of our meat-eating sins. Nobody knows what we could’ve been, if the Kolshians had used their forces to save the cradle. Maybe they wouldn’t have done so even now, for our status as cured predators.
“The unhatched Arxur sitting on the chair; was it on the cradle? Did it personally kill Gojid? Or do you want us to kill it, burn it in cold blood just because its people once ate meat?”
This, finally, managed to shake Sasha from her stunned silence. Her rebuke was a far cry from the snarling fury she’d held just minutes ago, but she tried to make her voice firm. “Once ate meat? The Arxur can only eat meat, flesh they—”
“The Arxur are dead. They are dead, except for this little unhatched lizard. A being which has committed no sins, except by virtue of being born with a carnivorous digestive system. An innocent child, which represents everything the Federation tried to burn.”
The room was silent for several minutes. Sasha sat with her head buried in her hands, occasionally stealing glances at the container within which the egg sat and the Gojid sitting across from her. Each time, she wordlessly returned to her stance with a fresh layer of unease across her face.
A voice broke the silence. Shaky, muffled and laden with apprehension. Still, it sounded somehow firm, as though it had reached some sort of conclusion. Sasha sat up slightly straighter, though she kept her face covered.
“How… how are you going to feed it?”
—
Memory transcript subject: Burai, Gojid business owner
Date [Standardized Human Time]: February 30th, 2177
Location: Lower sprawl of City 23, Venlil Prime
The rest of the group was already asleep downstairs, but Burai couldn’t make himself sleep. He’d dragged himself up to the empty bar and gotten back to work; though physically tired, the flame in his soul wouldn’t let him rest until it burned out. His passionate argument from earlier still filled his spirit with a fire which couldn’t be extinguished; he could at least put it to work tackling the awful pile of now-dried sludge he’d left for himself to clean up later.
There wasn’t much else for it to do, even if the rest of them were still awake. Sasha had conceded to not interfere with raising the Arxur; although she still wasn’t exactly thrilled about the prospect of one living at the Den, Burai’s defense had clearly knocked the wind out of her sails as far as killing it was concerned. The rest of them, having never lived in a world where the Arxur were a spectre of death and agony, were fully onboard from minute one. He might have to hold them back from cutting off their own fingers to feed the hatchling. After nearly an hour of debate, they still hadn’t established where they could get food for it.
A sharp knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and forced him to leave his task before completion once again. In his exhausted state, he nearly opened the door without even thinking. His claw was on the handle before he remembered that he’d left the hidden door to the Den wide open. He dragged himself over to the switch and lazily jabbed it, pointedly ignoring the knocks as they became more insistent.
Finally, once his little show of security theater was concluded to his liking, he sauntered back towards the door. One claw smoothed out his quills absentmindedly. He knew he probably looked like a wreck, although he didn’t have a mirror to prove it. Hopefully, whoever was outside wouldn’t take much notice. He unlocked the door and slipped it open.
“Hey! We’re closed today, but—”
​
[Subject death detected Memory transcription ended]
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--- Table of Contents ---
Autumn 4986, 15 Aoimoth
“Slow down, Squire!” Master Daunas walked around the sixteen Squires. They were all going through the basic motions of knife fighting together, but Shon knew the Weaponsmaster was talking to him specifically. He'd fallen into the rhythm of steel clanging off steel as the eight pairs of Squires went through the practiced strikes of a rehearsed fight. His partner was keeping up, but just barely. If Shon sped up, the boy would fumble, and Shon could disarm him. But that wasn’t the point of this exercise. It wasn’t a sparring match; it was a two man kata. Shon let out a long exhale and slowed down, matching his partner’s pace.
“Sorry,” Kefir, muttered to Shon, “You should try and get Zihler next time. He won’t slow you down.”
Shon arched an eyebrow at Kefir as the two pivoted in unison, spinning but staying together, so they switched places and continued without breaking rhythm. Or that was what was supposed to happen. Kefir stumbled just a little. He still wasn’t very good at quick pivots like that, and knife forms were full of them. Shon slowed down to wait for him to recover, matching his thrust with a counter as rehearsed.
“Don’t give me that look. I know you want to go faster. Zihler’s the most likely to keep... up...” Kefir had to space the last two words as they dodged each other again. More twists and turns he tended to overshoot.
He wasn’t wrong. Shon did want to go faster, wanted to push himself to his limits, and always just a little beyond, but “Speed isn’t the point of this exercise.” Shon said, and Kefir’s brow furrowed. Though if concentrating on Shon’s words or the continued form Shon didn’t know, “It's precision and practice. Keep partnering with Rerves, who's even worse, and you won't improve.”
They slammed together, the hilts of their daggers locking together as they sidestepped in tight circles. Shon could see at least ten different ways he could end a match right here. His left hand was free, as this was a single dagger exercise, and his opponents hardly ever paid attention to his feet. But that wasn’t the point, and Kefir would learn nothing from Shon downing him now, even if it was.
“Thanks,” Kefir spat sarcastically. Shon gave him a purposefully deadpan look in response, and he continued, “You’re the same, though. You won’t get better if you pick the weakest partners.” the two disengaged, jumping back and falling into a ready stance in one motion. Kefir took a heartbeat longer than some of the other boys but didn’t stumble at this speed as he had the last three times they went through the drill.
“I’m better than Zihler…” Shon said, not in pride or arrogance but in truth. When they had first started knife fighting weeks ago, he had partnered with those who seemed to be at the same level as himself or higher. Pushing himself to reach their level and surpass it. Add to that the fact that he often used his free time for more practice, and Shon had jumped to the top of the class as usual only a week into this new weapon.
Shon brought the topic back around to his point, “Practice is practice no matter how fast I go, as long as I have precision.” and, as if to prove his point, the form reached the culminating move, where Shon and Kefir needed to thrust at each other while turning just enough for the blade to pass by their chests. Shon slowed his thrust only at the end, just enough for Kefir to finish his dodge. Adjusting speed in the middle of a strike without pulling it completely wasn't easy, and they both knew it.
That was the end of the kata, and they both stepped back. Kefir looked down at his knife, sighing, “I suck at this, give me a shield or a hammer, and you wouldn’t have to hold yourself back.” he glanced up at Shon and forced a smile he obviously didn’t feel, “Then maybe I could teach you a thing or two…”
Shon nodded, perfectly serious, and when Kefir didn’t seem to understand, he added, “Exactly.”
The bell rang and the other Squires started heading for the weapons rack to return their knives, but Shon held Kefir in place with his eyes. He looked confused, his expression asking the question before his words could, so Shon explained, “You're better at armor and shields than me.”
That actually got a genuine smile from Kefir, “Everyone is better with armor and shields than you, Shon.” Shon humphed but couldn't argue, and Kefir laughed, “You know, if you spent your extra time actually practicing with the stuff you need practice in, instead of the things you're already the best at, you would get better.”
Shon ran his fingers through sweaty hair. It was only two finger widths long but still needed to be cut. He wanted to argue that practicing with the heavy weapons without armor in his free time was the only reason he was still the top in those as well. But instead, he nodded in acquiescence to Kefir’s observation.
“Hey,” Kefir stepped forward and poked Shon with the hilt of his dagger. Even with his thicker winter uniform on, they avoided touching him, “I get what you’re saying. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses. Thank you for trying to help me with mine.” The thanks was genuine this time, now that the frustration of the practice was over, and Shon nodded. Kefir continued, “Why don’t we make a deal? I’ll let you help me catch up to you in this if you let me help you with armor work. Master Daunas wants to get you in plate, but if you can’t even move in banded mail, you’ll never make it in the heavier stuff.”
Shon let his head fall back in frustration but nodded. Kefir laughed and the two returned their daggers without further words. Shon split from the rest of the stragglers in the courtyard, moving towards the bench beside the wall and the barrel for catching rainwater beside it. This deep into autumn, the water was sometimes frozen in the mornings, but Shon preferred it that way. Reaching in, he splashed handfuls of it on the back of his neck. The others would be heading for the hot showers, but with sixteen of them and only ten shower heads, Shon would wait until they were all done before washing properly.
“I’ll meet you after study time!” Kefir called as he walked by to try and reach the showers with the first group. Shon waved without turning around. He knew Kefir was right. He should focus his extra time on improving his weaknesses. But that didn’t mean he had to like it.
***
The mess hall where they had their meals had one long table set in the middle with enough space for fifteen Squires on each side. Around it were set smaller circular tables for the Paladins stationed in Hamerfoss and one larger near the door for the officers. Against one wall was another long table with plates, bowls, and food where they would each gather their meal before finding their seats.
The seats weren’t assigned, but Shon always sat at the farthest end of the Squire’s table, with his left facing the walkway so he wouldn’t bump anyone with his elbow as he ate. No one ever took the spot. It was an unspoken consensus amongst the Squires that that was Shon’s seat. The rest tended to congregate in the middle, talking and poking friendly fun at each other, extending their break into the dinner meal.
Shon took his place and started eating without joining in. They didn’t try to include him most of the time, and he was content to just listen. “Hey, Shon,” Rerves called from down the table, and Shon looked up from his plate to show he was listening, “I hear Kefir’s going to help you with armor tonight. Can I come?” Shon shrugged, turning back to his meal. Rerves went back to his conversation, and dinner continued as usual. The Squires ignoring Shon.
They filtered out of the mess hall as they each finished their dinner at their own pace, some heading to the chapel for prayer and others to the library for study. Shon made his way to the library, pausing in the doorway and debating with himself. If he joined the others at the larger table, they would try and talk to him. They seemed to think it was their duty to include him if he was there. But if he sat alone at the two-man table by the window, they would leave him alone. It meant he wouldn’t be able to ask them questions if one came up, but it also meant they wouldn’t bother him with pointless asides…
Tonight, he joined the study group. The subject they'd started a few weeks ago wasn’t one he had taken to easily, an in-depth history of Gasha province, so he wanted to be able to talk when needed.
It started as soon as he finished the first page, “So Shon, when do you think Master Veon-Zih will be back?”
“Winter Solstice,” Shon answered shortly, rereading the sentence. The others whispered around him about Master Veon-Zih, something about if he would dance with the pretty baker again this year…
“Hey Shon, do you know if Monks train in dancing too?”
Shon placed his finger over the paragraph he'd reached, knowing he would have to reread it after the interruption. He shook his head. When they continued to look at him, he sighed, glaring up at them. This was supposed to be study time… “He learned how after he left the Monastery.”
He reread his paragraph and managed to finish the chapter before running his hand through his hair in frustration at the text. Looking up, he said, “We’ve read about the war between Gasha and Swailand, but this doesn’t say anything about why they went to war in the first place.”
“Fishing rights, I think?” Thom answered, flipping through his own book, “Knowing those Horsa Bast…” he cut off before finishing the curse, glancing at the Paladin acting as librarian, before continuing, “I bet they wanted to extend their fishing to the area around Gasha, and they are just as likely to fight each other as us.”
Rehlien slid a new book Shon’s way, “Here, read this one next. It gets into the justification a little more than that one.” Shon nodded his thanks, taking the book and placing it under the one he was still finishing.
But his question had opened the door to more derailing chatter, “You really like to know the why of things, don’t you, Shon?”
Shon nodded, hoping this talk would at least be relevant, but “You’re like that in etiquette too. That’s probably why you struggle so much.” Shon shrugged. Etiquette didn’t seem to have a point, but that wasn’t what they were supposed to be studying now, “I find some things ‘just are’ because of tradition…” the boy trailed off as Shon glared at him, his words freezing in his throat. When silence had returned, Shon went back to his book. He should've just sat alone.
***
Kefir and Rerves were already waiting in the sparring ring by the time Shon showed up dressed in his banded mail. The armor rubbed uncomfortably around his neck and the thick gambeson underneath bunched at his joints, limiting his range of motion by at least a few inches. It also weighed him down, which he'd managed to convince himself was good for strength training, but was incredibly frustrated by for sparring.
Kefir already had his sword and shield and held an extra bastard sword for him, so Shon went right for the ring, stifling a frustrated sigh as he took the proffered weapon.
Rerves grinned at the look on Shon’s face, saying, “We figured you'd be miserable enough in the armor alone, that we should channel some of Soleil's compassion and let you use your best weapon instead of the hammer.” to which Shon was grateful. Making him practice in the armor with a weapon he still hadn’t mastered would've been adding salt to the wound.
“Let’s do some stretches and warm-ups first.” Kefir started, “Your problem isn’t being afraid to take a hit with the armor,” Rerves laughed out loud, but Kefir continued with only a grin, “It’s in having to adjust your mobility. So let's re-imprint that before we try any sparring.”
They went through stretches, the two of them seeming to match Shon in flexibility only because he was hampered by the armor, then moved on to solo sword forms. Even though the armor was only about thirty-five pounds evenly distributed, Shon still felt sluggish. When they moved on to sparring, Rerves beat him soundly while Kefir watched, tilting his head back and forth like Master Daunas and trying to give advice that didn’t help. Shon could fight, he knew the proper blocks and parries better than they did, but too often he would either not make up for his lack of speed or would overcompensate and swing too hard.
Kefir took his turn, lifting his shield and watching Shon raise his sword to the ready, “Honestly, Shon, I don’t know what to do besides have you practice more and just get used to it.”
“Sometimes that’s all you can do,” Rerves said from the side as he slipped off his helmet. Shon knew they were right in some regards but couldn’t entirely dismiss his frustration at the thought that he was missing something that he needed to learn and not just have beaten into him. He was grateful for his companion’s help but annoyed at their inability to teach.
Rerves gave the order to "Lay on!" and Shon and Kefir engaged. Shon could predict Kefir's moves, could practically see them in his mind's eye, but barely reacted in time, his arm not bending as far or fast as he wanted it to. He gritted his teeth, glaring at the other Squire, trying to sidestep around but moving too slow compared to Kefir, who just needed to turn in place. Shon took a step back and planted his feet. If he could force Kefir to make the larger motions, then perhaps he could focus on redirecting the boy’s attacks.
Kefir hesitated. Shon was most dangerous when he stood his ground, and they both knew it. The hesitation just gave Shon more time to try and strategize. Not that it had helped at all before. Maybe if he could somehow slow Kefir down, or focus on trapping his weapon, then it wouldn’t matter that Shon wasn’t as fast as he would be without the damn armor. Kefir tested Shon’s guard with a few half-hearted attacks that Shon deflected, waiting. When the other Squire finally committed fully, Shon let go of his sword with his left hand, twisted to dodge, and grabbed Kefir’s sword arm.
Just stop. Stop long enough for me to hit you… Kefir tried to pull away but couldn’t. Despite the poor grip Shon had with the thick gloves that were part of the armor, the two Squires seemed lashed together. Kefir twisted his shoulders so he could lift his shield to deflect Shon’s oncoming attack, but his feet didn’t move. His eyes went wide, and his shield came up barely in time to hit Shon’s sword, the tip still reaching over to clang off Kefir’s helm with a glancing blow.
Kefir fell backward and Shon, still clinging to his arm, was pulled on top of him. The boy yelled, and Shon rolled, letting go of Kefir and hearing something like glass breaking over the clanging of armor and screaming of his fellow. Shon rolled to absorb the shock of the fall and twisted to find Kefir on his back, his knees still straight and his boots stuck to the ground. Encased in ice.
The ice climbed up his boots to his shins, but Kefir was gripping his arm, trying to pull more ice from where Shon had been holding him. It continued to grow, soon encasing his hand and sword hilt. Rerves rushed forward, trying to help pry the sword free while the ice on his legs grew past his boots and under his greaves. Kefir screamed again, in pain and fear.
The Paladins on the wall began yelling, their leader taking command, sending some to help the boys and others to run for the fortress. Shon watched in horror as Kefir’s legs and arm were slowly encased in ice, his lips trembling and turning blue. He would be covered soon, Shon knew it, could picture it happening, like a waking nightmare. It would trap his brother Squire and anyone else touching it…
The ice started clawing at Rerves fingers, trying to gain hold and freeze him too.
“What in all the hells?!” Master Daunas showed up with a gaggle of Paladins and the Cleric, who all fell around the boys. Some took out their belt knives and tried to break the ice apart; others began to chant spells to either melt the ice or keep Kefir warm.
Master Daunas searched above the throng for answers and, finding Shon, cursed. He ran around the larger group, grabbing Shon by the arm and wrenching him away, practically dragging him across the courtyard towards the fortress proper. Someone called out in triumph as Shon reached the fortress door and Daunas forced him through it.
What had happened? Had they freed Kefir? Would he be alright? What happened?!
Daunas was still cursing as he slammed the door and spun on Shon, who stared blankly through the Weaponmaster. Panic, he was trying so hard not to panic. Was trying to figure out what had happened, trying to play through the entire thing again, picturing it from outside his body. Was the ice what had allowed him to hold on to Kefir? Was it still climbing up Kefir's legs? Was that why the older Squire wasn’t able to pull back and block properly? Had Shon...
“Calm down, boy.” Daunas reached for Shon’s shoulders but pulled back a moment later, shaking his hands and cursing as they reddened from the cold, “Breathe, boy. Look at me, think warm thoughts.”
Think warm thoughts? What did that even mean? Shon found Daunas’s eyes and saw the Weaponmaster scared for the first time, “Breathe, slow and steady, like old man V taught you. You need to control your energy…” his lips were pale and trembling, his breath coming out in a cloud before him. had it been that cold outside? Shon couldn’t feel it...
Shon closed his eyes and breathed. Control his energy… He pulled himself in, finding his center and gathering around it, “That’s it, boy, like that.” Shon breathed in his energy, his ki, holding it in his gut, storing it for later when he could use it to focus a strike and give it more power, just like Master Veon-Zih had taught him. And just like Master had taught him, he tried to let go of his worries, to clear his mind, if only for now.
Kefir would be alright, almost every adult here could cast healing spells, and at least half of them were with him now. It was okay. Shon could relax, let go, calm down… Suddenly exhausted, Shon nearly collapsed right there in the hallway. Daunas caught him, slowly lowering him to the stones.
Shon could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness, but not fast enough to miss Master Daunas’s last curse, “Damn it, boy, why did you have to be a Sorcerer?”
***
“He has to go to the Mages Guild.” Major General Davies Selibra, Paladin head of Hamerfoss, stated to those gathered in his office. It was a simple room containing two sets of closed cabinets on either side of a large desk facing the door with two seats positioned in front of it. Shon sat in one of those seats, his head hanging and fists clenched tightly in his lap.
Master Daunas slammed his palm down on the desk. He seemed too agitated to sit, or perhaps he just didn’t want to sit next to Shon, who was radiating cold like a fire radiated heat, “We can’t, Selibra! He’s the most promising fighter I’ve ever trained. He’ll lose too much time.” the Weaponmaster's words puffed out as white fog from his lips.
Major General Selibra sat behind his desk and rubbed his temples, “It’s the law Daunas, he either needs to get a clearance or be sealed.”
“Can’t be a Paladin with the tattoo…” Smith Nangran muttered from his position leaning on the door. Shon was too focused on his predicament to wonder why the Smith was even here. A thin layer of ice began to form at his feet.
“It’s the law…” Selibra said again, weary, “If he had awakened sooner, he might have been able to get his clearance before training, but…”
Daunas threw his hands into the air, bellowing, “It takes years to get a clearance. If they even let him. Those Mages would rather just mark the boy up and be done with it!”
A sealing tattoo. They would want to block the magic. Seal it away in his body where it couldn’t hurt anyone. Kefir had suffered severe frostbite as well as a broken ankle. Lucky for him, he was surrounded by divine conduits and was fine, but what if Shon lost control again? Who would the ice entomb? Master Veon-Zih? Innocent citizens he was supposed to protect? Shon’s nails dug furrows into his palms as he clenched his fists tighter. The ice crawled up the legs of his chair and crystalized on the backs of his hands.
The adults continued to talk around him, “The law is clear, Daunas. The magic either needs to be trained or sealed. There are no exceptions.” The law never made exceptions. It’s what kept everything running at top proficiency. Shon admired that… and understood it, as even now he couldn't control the sorcerous ice.
Shon tried to slow his breathing, relax his hands. The ice cracked over his fingers as he forced them out of their fists. It was responding to his emotions, his fear, and horror at what he'd done. What he was. If he could just pull it in, stifle the emotions feeding it, then the magic wouldn't be able to control him…
Ice continued to inch up the chair, and Selibra rubbed his hands together to warm them. They'd been pointedly and purposely ignoring the winter-like cold since bringing Shon to the office.
“Tattoos aren’t the only way to seal magic…” Nangran stated from the door. Daunas and Selibra stopped arguing, and Shon’s head shot up. He turned slowly to watch the Smith who combed absently at his beard, “Law says sorcerer magic needs to be trained or sealed, doesn’t say how.”
“I know the law Nangran,” Selibra still sounded defeated. “A council of Mages, including one of the rank Archmage, must determine if a Sorcerer is capable of controlling his or her power. If they determine the power is too great a risk to the kingdom, then said power will be made unable to manifest. Sealed.” the Major General recited, most likely for Shon’s benefit. Shon's heart pounded in his chest, and the fires that lit the room dimmed.
“What are you suggesting?” Daunas asked Nangran curiously. The smith only talked when necessary, using grunts and nods instead of words whenever possible. That was probably why Shon liked him so much. It also meant he wouldn’t have contradicted Selibra unless he had a reason.
“Know a guy. Used to make sealing items for the guild…” Nangran said with a shrug, as though Shon’s future didn’t hinge on his point, “Owes me a favor…”
“You’re not talking about that mad hermit who comes barging in here once or twice a year, are you?” Daunas asked, looking stunned.
Nangran nodded with a confirming hum. “Still Archmage in good standing…”
The Weaponmaster looked ecstatic, shouting, “Nangran, you’re a genius!” he slammed his hands down on the desk again, breath puffing out in thick clouds as his excitement grew. Nangran grunted.
Daunas turned back to the Major General, who actually looked intrigued. Shon’s heart tried to beat its way out of his chest. “This is it, Selibra! This Archmage can make the boy a sealing item. I’m sure the Temple will vouch for him. He’s our top Squire.” Shon was still too terrified to feel proud of the compliment and watched Major General Selibra with wide desperate eyes. Ice started forming on his hands again, looking like clawed talons.
“The Mages Guild hasn’t given out sealing stones for generations…” Selibra hummed, and Shon barely stopped the desperate whine before it could escape, his fingernails drawing blood on his palms as he balled them into fists again, breaking the ice claws. “but we can at least try.” Selibra finished, focusing on Shon, his brown eyes still looking sad, “Are you sure you want this, Shon? As a Paladin, you won’t be able to train with your elemental magic unti-”
“Yes, Sir!” Shon shouted, leaning forward in his seat and breaking the ice off its legs. He fell back a moment later, embarrassed by his outburst. More quietly, he said again, “Yes, Sir. I don’t want this magic. I want to be a Paladin.” more than anything in his entire life, he'd wanted to be a Paladin…
“Very well,” Major General Selibra stood, resting his fingertips on his desk. Speaking as if to himself, he muttered, “Perhaps this is a sign from Hengist.” looking up, he addressed Nangran, “Tomorrow you will take Squire Shon to this Archmage friend of yours. Gods willing, he will be able to seal the sorcerer magic without hindering his divine capabilities.” he failed to hide a shiver from the cold.
***
Her candles burned hot and bright, flickering wildly as She paced around Her little room. Something was happening in Her tower. There were far too many people with strangers' voices out Her window and beyond Her door.
Brom and Ran continued to visit, but they wouldn’t answer Her questions, wouldn’t take Her for samples, or to see Her treasures. The first made Her angry, the second gave Her energy, and the last scared Her enough to stop asking questions. What if they took Her books again? They hadn’t given Her a reason She couldn’t see Her treasures, so maybe they would soon… maybe tomorrow...
***
“Tomorrow,” Morndancer stated as Shaloon let herself into his room. The transfer preparations had taken months. MONTHS! They were Mages. No. Greater than Mages. They were Warlocks. And yet, everything still took far too long. They could instantly communicate with allies across the kingdom but still had to spend time making the proper arrangements. They could travel miles in a blink but still had to painstakingly pack every book and file, disassemble and disenchant the golems guarding the tower over days and even weeks. If it had been a true emergency -if they'd been found- they could've destroyed everything, vanishing all evidence of their presence and research. But the Master Archmages had forbidden it in this case.
“The western Talon is ready to receive us,” Shaloon confirmed, “What of the subjects? Archmage Yarna has no interest in animal husbandry..."
“The Firewyrm is all she is interested in. It is the only reason she agreed to take us.” Morndancer sat on his bed and stared at the pseudodragon perched on his desk, its leathery wings half furled and its tail twitching over the side of the desk, “I will handle the animal subjects tomorrow. Just make sure you are ready to open the portal out when I am done.” she could only open one portal a day, sometimes two but it would leave her incapacitated for at least a day after.
“Tomorrow then,” Shaloon confirmed, leaving him alone with his running mind and the little pretend dragon, that seemed to stare through his skin and into his soul.
***
Shon couldn’t sleep. Once again, his entire future hung on what would happen tomorrow. And just like the divine test and the road to Hamerfoss, there was nothing he could do to speed up the process. It was out of his hands. Out of his control. Just like the ice now clouding the window and the frost freezing the blankets to the mattress.
He tapped the blank page of his open journal with his pencil. The images running through his mind were the last he wanted to solidify on paper. He tried drawing something else… Kefir smiling warmly at him for the second thank you. Rerves leaning forward and shouting to him across the dinner table. The study group conversing in whispers instead of studying…
He wrote about it all between the drawings but everything that happened after pushed at his mind, the scenes forming in his vision. Shon drew Kefir again, lying on his back and tugging at the ice forming on his sword arm. Then a group scene with the Paladins falling around him, their faces focused, and hands glowing with spells to try and save him… Master Daunas’s scared eyes as he ordered Shon to ‘think warm thoughts...'
With two pages full of various sketches and commentary, Shon dropped his pencil and rested his head on his desk. Why? Was this why he was so cold to the touch? Sorcerers were rare; those with ice power were the rarest even amongst them. Should they have noticed something was wrong sooner? Would Hengist really accept someone like him? Chose a Sorcerer to be one of his extensions in Daanlin?
Shon closed his eyes, breathing slowly and trying not to cry. If they forced him to go to the Mages Guild, he would never be able to fight again. He was sure of it. All his hard work and dedication. All those years of disciplined practice, gone in one instance where he lost control. Where he almost killed a friend.
Everything he was, everything he would be, hinged on the following day. “Tomorrow…” Shon whispered into the dark, his candle finally flickering to die in the cold.
--- Table of Contents ---
Thanks for making it this far, you are the real MVP

Bismillah. Thoughts of ex-shia brother Husayn.
http://forum.twelvershia.net/ex-shias/random-thoughts-of-an-ex-shii/

When somebody is asked a question such as "why did you leave your religion?", I guarantee you that most will have a hard time explaining. Not because they are unsure about why they left it, but because explaining it briefly is a difficult thing. A thousand thoughts start flying through your head, dozens of topics come to mind, and a person is left with many unfinished explanations trailing through their consciousness.
So, I thought a fun thing to do would be to make a thread where I can just ramble on, and put into words all the millions of neurons flying through my brain.
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Random thoughts #1
One of the biggest reasons I left Shiism is because almost all of the Shii theories have no Qur'anic backing. One of those happens to be the concept of Imamah - 'Ali's succession, 12 Imams, Divinely appointed Imams after Rasul Allah (saw) e.t.c.
I love listening to Qur'an, and I listen to it sometimes for hours on end. Once, quite randomly, I was sitting around listening to a recitation, and it happened to be Surat Hujrat, specifically this verse:
Quote
49:15The believers are only the ones who have believed in Allah and His Messenger and then doubt not but strive with their properties and their lives in the cause of Allah . It is those who are the truthful.
As I was sitting their listening - I thought to myself - "Why no mention of the Imams? Or Ahlul Bait? Or 'Ali??". Why, whenever Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an - "The believers are such and such", does he never mention anything to do with Imamah? Here, Allah (swt) says that "the believers are those who believe in Allah and His Messenger" - so why not just add "And 'Ali", or "And His successor", or "And the Imams" - something, anything at all to do with Imam 'Ali??
Why!?!
I then did a bit of a mental exercise in my head. It went a little something like this:
Let's say I took a completely ignorant, yet highly literate and intelligent person, and gave them a copy of the Qur'an (with no tafsir). I told them - "Read and study this for a year, and then I'll come back and we'll have a discussion".
So, I come back after a year, and I ask a few questions, and these are the answers I expect to get:
Q: Is Allah one or two?A: One, ofcourse!
Q: Is Muhammad the Messenger of Allah?A: Yes!
Q: Do you have to pray, fast, give charity, and do Hajj?A: Uh-huh, obviously!
Q: Is there a Day of Judgement?A: Derr!!!
Q: Are the Prophet's companions and followers good people?A: Yes, definitely!
Q: Who is your Imam?A: Huh?
Q: Isn't Ali an Imam, and successor to the Prophet?A: I'm not sure what you mean? Wait a sec, can I have another year to study this?Me: Sure, take 20!
....
20 years later
Q: So, who should succeed the Prophet? Isn't 'Ali the successor? Aren't his descendants the Imams?A: I think I need another 20 years!

Hello. This is my first time posting something here, so I hope this get attention of many people because I would appreciate many advice and opinions from other people. It's most likely gonna be long, but please, please, please bear with me.
My mother (40+ years old) wants to remarry. Before I get into that, a little(?) background. We are broken in many aspects especially in relationship, feelings and finance. Honestly, it was just... a life. Good life? I don't know probably never was a good life but never actually know or experience that since I was innocent (Literally, a baby. Like kids.). You know, we live and eat and go to school and just living a normal life. We were not rich but back then, it was enough. We don't have that much money but somehow, it was enough. Would like to be in that time where I don't understand much so I thought I'm living a problem-free life :'). But safe to say, I was happy. We were. For that, Alhamdulillah.
Time passed by, yesterday I was playing tag at the back of the class then suddenly I was 13. Went to boarding school (I was a smart kid. Yeah, was). Financially, it got worse, but we managed. I was 15. Mom got cheated on. My parents divorced. I was in a middle of a big exam, so you know how the situation like but let's not get into that. Got straight A's tho and got into a better boarding school. School started and what I thought just a normal, usual school life turns into a total opposite when I realized I was not smart anymore. It was really hard for me to process things coz I was close to my father. Obviously, I was not in a good mental and even physical condition. Still not tho tsk. Probably got to do with the divorce thingy but we're Asian so no such thing 🤷‍♀️
My relationship with my father? Bad. It was bad, indeed. Not the screaming yelling at each other kinda bad, my mom did that already. More like not talking, not speaking, not seeing each other for a long time because I despised him, and I was full of resentment kinda bad. Just normal human feelings.
My mom? Same. I mean we're good but not with my father. Back and forth to the court, got the whole custody thing. Mind you she was cheated on, no money whatsoever coz she was a housewife. I watched her rise from ashes like a phoenix and became a stronger woman, a stronger mother to me, my other siblings and our cats.
About 2 years ago maybe? I was 20, I honestly don't remember how but our relationship my father got better. Long story short, we're now talking to each other and all. We're good. We went through a lot, especially my mom. If it can do this much damage to me, imagine my mom. That's what I always tell myself. The reason why I'm telling you my POV a lot and also my mom too because I want you to understand, what it would be in my shoe and also in her shoe.
Ever since, my mom has been single, I've grown used to her dynamic as a single mom and a family of just us you know, and we've developed a close bond over time. But now (well, since around a year ago), she's ready to move on and find love again, and I'm having a hard time processing it all. Despite other hardships that came with life along the way, we're still together.
On one hand, I want my mother to be happy and fulfilled in her life. She deserves love, just like anyone else. Deep down, I want her to be truly happy. But at the same time, I never like the idea of having other person, a new person in my life. Yes, the thought of her finding love and just wanting to marry again, I never like it. Probably because I also didn't agree to the divorce but 'for the best' (But I stayed silent the whole time). I TRIED I SWEAR I TRIED to open my mind and heart, works on some but not everything. I mean I talked to my father again after years so it shouldn't be that bad, but I CANNOT.
I always feel like 'Are we not enough in your life that you have to marry someone else? Do you forget what happened? I thought you all about I'm gonna rise as a woman and like kinda hate man well not hate but like because of what happened you know but now you're want to find love like eww' BUT I knew I was kinda projecting(?) my trauma on her life choices. BUT STILL UGH THIS IS COMPLICATED HELP.
Okay, anyways. She decided to remarry. She said she wanted to discuss about something because someone proposed her. For the first time, I genuinely opened my mind and heart on it. I was surprised I did. Never would I think I would even want to have that discussion, but I did anyways. Probably because I also want the best for her in any ways possible, and I want to understand. I sat there, listening, discussing and asking. But to my surprise, she was not on the same boat. She was defensive. Why? Even other people around us noticed it (her sisters and mom were there too), so we're not really the problem here. What's happening? She did not want to have that conversation she didn't even want to be there atp. I thought we were having a discussion, what's with the tone? It's not like we didn't want it or anything, dang we're not even there yet, it was just questions, but she was pissed. Why?
Even her sister called her out for being too defensive, we were just asking questions of course we want to know. Atp she just thinks my mom was never really want to discuss after all, she just wants to have it her own way. She keeps repeating stuff like, why can't you understand simple thing? Gesturing and even her tone depicting that she's annoyed with all the questions and say stuff like 'It's my life', 'if you don't like it go and live with your father' and all. Obviously, it's not a simple thing. Yea, it's your life but in your life consists of us here and well, I'm old enough to voice myself out, but what about the others? They are literally 12 years old and younger; they have no choice but to just follow, no? Someone needs to at least let them be clear of what their life would be, no? What if they feel a sense of loss and apprehension. I worry about how this new relationship might change them. Will they still have the same level of closeness and connection with her? Will they feel left out or neglected? How about their safety? yes, safety. You'll know later why I said that. These questions keep swirling in my mind, creating uncertainty and anxiety. We're discussing here to clear things up, obviously this is not just 'simple thing'. Me aside, you are bringing in these kids to a new life, it's not 'simple' and there is no way in hell they will voice it out. Especially to my mom. She's always so defensive. Prolly because of what happened. SEE? I understand her, but at the same time, I ... UGH.
You know what makes it even more... I don't know the word but here's the thing. WE ARE BROKE. Even now. I asked her, what that man do for a living, how much is his salary? She was pissed, I can tell. I justify my questions, I explained, NICELY, like how today's world is not the same as back then. If he can't afford to financially support us, prolly need to rethink and all. Considering that my mom will turn to be a housewife again after marrying that man (which most probably the case she always dreams of a break from work and just yk live), I JUST DON'T WANT SAME THING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know at one point you would want to point it out this while reading this - Yes, I can work and support my whole family. But I'm still studying and struggling to even battle these whispers in my head. I always feel like I'm useless. I'm taking all this courses and all so that I can start work asap. I'm useless and such a burden. Correct. But I'm working on it, it takes time I'm sorry I'm not smart anymore, it takes so much time. I even start learning trading, but I just don't understand anything I'm dumb now. Although at times I felt so unfair. They, especially my mom wants me to continue studying, get into uni all but when people were insulting me for being a burden living in this house rent free while my mom works, they are just silent. Almost like they are agreeing. When I burst and say that I don't want to even do this I do this for them, suddenly everyone have amnesia. Implying that I take this upon myself. If I dont get into uni, I'm a failure. Now, I get into uni and they don't even acknowledge my mental struggle and insulting me here and there - still a failure. Never mind, it's not relevant to this story sorry.
That man is like 2 or 3 years younger than my mom. Has a son. A pilot. So, financially no problem me think. But comes another... lowkey red flag to me - my mom has no idea who he is. Apparently, a friend of my mom introduced my mom to him, and I don't know he likes my mom and want to marry her? ugh it's all third party kinda connection. And she refused to explain clearly. They only know each other through this one friend. No chat or call or meeting whatsoever, like the old time? yea like the old time. The thing is, this is not like old time. That man is literally stranger, only know him from a picture, only know his name, age, a little background and that's it. Same goes for the man. That's when me and other older sibling started to kinda question her decision here a lil bit. Does she genuinely want to start a new life or she just desperate of validation or like I don't know what's happening here I have no clue but wtf? and the audacity to even - sorry if it's sounds like I'm condemning, but she's bringing in these kids especially into a new life WITH A STRANGER come on. I don't have to explain much I think most people can tell what I think and feel dkjncijsdnvjc I'm lost.
It's important for me to emphasize that I don't want to stand in the way of her happiness. I fully support her decision to remarry if it brings her joy. But this? He also wants to meet us next week and you know, she also highlights this - that man doesn't want to take long time so kinda let's meet, discuss and marry asap. We thought like okay maybe after we all met him, can have some time for them to get to know each other but no. No time wasting, let's marry. Like...? And what year is this, she was like "there's something call love after marriage." If you're Muslim, probably familiar of this mindset(?). It's not wrong tho but today's world umm I'm not sure if it's applicable as much.
He also wants us all to move in his house. I have a younger sister. How many stepfathers rape stepdaughter news out there that she needs to realize that this is not some kind of a game. You might think I'm overreacting and all but not my fault. She doesn't even know him personally, his heart, his mind like lucky if he's genuinely a good guy but if he's not? Why are she putting our life on obvious uncertainties like this? Taking unnecessary risk like this just because you want to get marry, I just don't understand this part. She's taking things lightly. She needs to consider so many things and factors here. This is not a light thing, this is literally, a massive life changing event. I'm all justified to think of that.
Even my other older sibling doesn't really like how this going. When I ask her, does she want to accept the proposal. She said yes. I ask why? I mean even she doesn't know much about him, what makes her say yes. We want to know, we need to know, hence the discussion. She replies with everything and anything but a real answer, and she pissed.
This is where I turn to you, fellow Redditors. Have any of you been in a similar situation? Any advice or personal anecdotes would be greatly appreciated. I understand that every situation is unique, but hearing different perspectives might help me gain some clarity and reassurance. I want to navigate this situation with love and understanding, for my mother, myself and my younger siblings that still under her care.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my long ass story and share your experiences. Your insights mean a lot to me, and I'm grateful for all of you. I will update after we meet him, next week. Thank you again!

The morning of October 17th 2019 was a cool and bright autumn day, two words rarely used to describe the treacherous Hanoi’s weather, when Lê Hải An arrived at his workplace, the Ministry of Education on 35 Đại Cồ Việt street, Hai Bà Trưng district, Hà Nội. Normally, he would have had a big breakfast at the office canteen then head off to his office at the second floor where he would spend the rest of his day trying to solve the numerous problems plaguing Vietnam’s education.
At 7:10 AM, someone spotted a figure falling from the 8th floor. There was a blood-curling smash; the figure was declared dead on impact. It wasn’t hard for people to identify the man.
In just a few hours, public media across Vietnam would declare that Vice Minister Lê Hải An had died. The reason?
He slipped and fell off the balcony.
The story I am about to tell you is not just a simple fall.
The story I am about to tell you sounds like something out of a conspiracy theory, the one spewed by tinfoil hat wearers on the street, the one peddled by shock websites and fringe extremist forums, the kind that would make you think it was a rejected Hollywood script and not real life. And I must admit, I have to work with secondary foreign sources with many being biased and some outright spewing baseless conspiracy theories. Many original sources had been removed or edited, forever lost into a memory hole resembling that of 1984. In trying to be faithful, I've removed a lot more "fantastical" elements that have no proof to be cross-checked; I will do my best to paint a complete picture of not only who Lê Hải An was, but the treacherous world around him, a nightmarish jungle of political infighting.
To those who don’t believe, I ask you to just give me the benefit of the doubt and remember this one thing:
“This is Vietnam.”
PART 1: The model teacher
In Vietnam, we have this saying: “Tôn sư trọng đạo” meaning “To worship your teachers and to respect your study.” A teacher was not simply a teacher; he/she was the paragon of society, the enlightener, the one who upheld all the virtues of society, who embodied such virtues, and who passed on such virtue to younger generations.
Lê Hải An was one such man.
Born in April 1st 1971 in Hà Nội, An was the son of Lê Hải Châu, a famous educator whose mathematics book was once the golden standard of Vietnamese mathematics education. In fact, if you were in Vietnamese highschool in the 90s to early 2000s, you would have used one of his books. For his contribution, Châu was awarded the title “The People’s Teacher,” a once highly prestigious prize reserved for the most devoted teacher. Given his family’s background, An was said to be set for life.
But An did not take the easy way. He challenged himself continuously, was handpicked as a government-sponsored student to study Mining and Geology at Moscow State University of Geodesy and Cartography. Even late in his career, he still pursued his passion for the mining industry, successfully defending a thesis on the application of neural networks in the oil industry at the Heriot-Watt University.
Given his background and training, Lê Hải An was made a professor at the Hanoi University of Mining and Geology. At first he was a teacher at the Petroleum department, but rose steadily through the rank. To his students, he was a knowledgeable yet compassionate teacher who never sought to exert his authority; to his colleagues, he was a man of honor, of dignity, representing the paragon of teachers thought to have been lost. Nobody complained when he was made the University’s principal; nobody complained when Prime Minister Nguyễn Xuân Phúc appointed An to be the Vice Minister of the much troubled Ministry of Education.
Well, maybe not nobody.
PART 2: You have to go to Hà Giang and take the national exam
For every Vietnamese students, nothing struck the fear of God in them worse than the word "National Exam." Not as competitive as the Chinese Gaokao or the Korean Suneung, it is the stuff of nightmare that have made and broken life. Students competed for the sweet sweet spot at the Police Academy and Military Academy (It is in fact more difficult to become a cop or an army officer in Vietnam than to become a doctoteacheengineeIT technician); parents wait anxiously for their children's performance to show off to friends and families; educators wait for the top scores to make their annual achievement look good so they can attract better students to their high school.
Exam season rolled around, and the results were released by July 11th 2018. As soon as the scores came out, all of Vietnam was shocked.
Of all the 64 cities and provinces, Hà Giang scored the highest in the national exam, with the highest number of “Thủ Khoa” or “The top scorer.” This, to many, was a surprise: not only Hà Giang was the poorest province in all of Vietnam, it traditionally had high illiteracy rate, high dropout rate, low graduation rate, low university admission rate, and so on and so forth. The fact that during the same year Hà Giang had the highest rate of failure to graduate from high school also raised eyebrows.
And Hà Giang was not the only province. Sơn La and Hòa Bình, two other terrible performers, also scored suspiciously well, outmatching province such as Thanh Hóa-Nghệ An-Hà Tĩnh who have been known as "Đất Học" or "The land of the studious."
Immediately, people began to cry foul. There was a lot of anger: a lot of students who had worked their whole lives were in danger of losing their spots to some “irregularities.” A common saying began to emerge: “Em phải đến Hà Giang thi đại học” or “You have to go to Hà Giang and take the national exam.” Investigations were launched into the Ministry of Education just one day after the score was released.
Quick investigation revealed that this was not just some "irregularities" but a systematic scheme, raising scores for test-takers: some exam takers received a nine points out of a total of ten points boost for individual exam, and some had their total points raised by thirty points out of a total of forty. Not only that, the exam-takers who benefitted from this were some of the most powerful people in Vietnam. Take the case of Hà Giang: one of the person whose scores were raised was Triệu Ngọc Mai, daughter's of Triệu Tài Vinh, General Secretary of Hà Giang. The Triệu clan ruled Hà Giang as a fiefdom of their own, holding most important positions; they had strong ties with the Minister of Education Phùng Xuân Nhạ, a widely-hated and despised figures for his bare-faced corruption and mismanagement, and the President of Vietnam Trần Đại Quang. People were expecting the investigation would go to nowhere - afterall, who dared to incur the wrath of the President of Vietnam?
Then, out of nowhere, Trần Đại Quang died.
On September 21st 2018, the fit and healthy Trần Đại Quang suddenly passed away from “a rare and unknown virus which he contracted during his trips.”
No more explanation was given. One month later, on November 3rd 2018, Lê Hải An received Decision 1475/QĐ-TTg from Prime Minister Nguyễn Xuân Phúc himself, making him the Vice Minister of Education and in charge of the National Examination scandal
PART 3: His final moment
For the next year, An worked with diligence, doing his best to hold the perpetrators accountable. By the numerous newspaper articles, it was clear he was the one leading the charge while his superior, Nhạ, kept a low profile and only appeared on the media every now and then to make some empty speech. He worked hard, showing up at his office early and having breakfast in the office’s canteen to save time, then immediately dived into work in his office on the second floor. His work yielded results: 16 bureaucrats were arrested, 222 exam takers were exposed, large sums of bribes were confiscated. To many, perhaps An included, it wasn’t enough. Everyone knew the big fish Nhạ was still out there, and everyone was itching to see him fall.
It was on the morning of October 17th 2019 when Lê Hải An arrived at his workplace, the Ministry of Education on 35 Đại Cồ Việt street, Hai Bà Trưng district, Hà Nội. We had little idea of what had happened on that day, but what we knew painted a very strange picture.
Normally, An would go straight to his office on the second floor, rarely having any reasons to go anywhere else. And, given the early hour, most other offices would be empty.
Yet, on that day, An seemed to have gone to the eighth floor. There was no record of what he was doing there or who he was meeting; the floor also had no camera. Photographs of the crime scene showed a table which supposedly An had sat - this table had an almost empty glass of cold tea, a cigarette pack, and an ashtray with ash in it. Another table was photographed with an old red gym bag and a nylon bag containing non-descript items; next to this table was a chair with another plastic bag containing non-descript items on it. All the tables were seated next to a balcony which was about 80 centimeters tall. An was described to be 180 centimeters tall, and when his body was discovered it was lying parallel to the building from which he fell from next to a tree but seemingly did not hit it.
Given all the evidence, by 8:30 AM it was concluded that An slipped and fell. No more investigation was made
PART 4: The truth won’t set you free
Of course, the conclusion did not satisfy anybody.
On one hand, there is very low trust for the Vietnamese police who have shown their ineptitude and willingness to fake evidence time and time again. With miscarriage of justice cases such as Hồ Duy Hải and Huỳnh Văn Nén fresh in every one’s mind, the police’s conclusion lost even more credits. The fact that the police quickly concluded An slipped and fell only at most two hours after they were notified of the accident and refused to investigate any further reek of a cover-up.
But, even with the benefit of doubt for the police, the idea of An slipping and falling was deemed unthinkable to many. For one thing, people did not understand why An went to the eighth floor when his office was on the second floor. If he was there on business, what business could it be at such an early hour (government offices in Vietnam often begin work at 8:00 AM if not 9:00 AM.) If he was there to meet someone, who was that someone and why was he not investigated? No investigation was made into his phone or email either.
Then there was the balcony.
The balcony was described by some to be eighty centimeter tall, which would make slipping a feasible case for someone 1.8 meter tall like An. However, images from the crime scene show a police man standing next to the balcony and the balcony reaching his chest. Given that the minimum height to be accepted to the police academy is 1.64 meters, we are looking at a 1.2 meter tall balcony at the very least. It will be very hard to slip and fall over, unless someone was leaning over it. But why would anybody do such a thing? Some suggested he was drunk and tired and this could have been the case, but with no toxicology report done on him there was no way to make sure.
Some commentators also pointed out that even if An leaned out and fell, his body would have landed in a perpendicular angle with the building block he was falling out from. Yet, in the crime scene image, he was shown lying parallel to the building, as if he had rolled over on his side. There were no obstacles on the way down so his falling body could not have hit anything. The only thing in his way was a tree, but the branches were very frail and images did not show any conclusive evidence that he hit the tree on his way down.
So, if he did not slip and fall, what else could have happened?
Suicide was also suggested and has remained a strong contender. It must be remembered that An was an important man being surrounded by enemies. He had a very heavy burden to shoulder and had to endure political shenanigans from all sides. Perhaps, the pressure had broken the hitherto earnest teacher who had not had a taste for the wild political arena. So, he decided to go to the eighth floor, climbed over it (which could have required him to drape over the balcony, explaining why his body was found parallel to the building) then let himself fall.
Of course, some don’t agree with the idea. They pointed out he was a very happy, very respected man with a long and promising career, a loving family, and a dedication towards a higher calling. Men like him, they said, rarely killed themselves. While this could be true, this “proof” is very weak as many successful men have committed suicide. Perhaps, he was only showing himself to be happy; perhaps there was something else going on with his life that we would never know.
Finally, and perhaps the most pervasive, is the idea An was killed. Of course, given that this theory was born out of circumstantial evidence not any real evidence, this belongs more to the conspiracy theory bin. The temptation was there: An was leading the crusade against some very powerful individual, many of whom had both the power and desire to get rid of someone like An. If the former President himself could die so mysteriously while in office, who was to say An was safe? The police’s quick conclusion and refusal to investigate any further as well as the image of a supposedly official letter from his wife begging for police protection (now scrubbed off the internet) only added more flame to the fire.
So, assuming An was killed, who had killed him?
The obvious answer to many would be Nhạ: he was An’s boss, he was investigated by An, he could’ve lost his power and friends and influence. He wanted An dead, had the means to do so, and was therefore the prime suspect. The many clans whose children’s road to power An had dashed such as the Triệu clan also had axes to grind with An.
However, there was another suspect.
Prime Minister Nguyễn Xuân Phúc, the man who had appointed An to the position himself.
Before this all happened, Phúc was rumored to be in a power struggle with President Trần Đại Quang and the Ministry of Public Security. After Quang’s death in 2018, Phúc was trying to court Quang’s Department of Public Security to his side. The new head of this Department was Tô Lâm (The man who was videoed eating at Salt Bae’s place in London while Vietnam was under lockdown and starving.) Perhaps, as a gesture of peace, Phúc sold out his subordinate as an “apology.”
Ultimately, given that these theories are born out of the lack of evidence and the coincidence, we cannot accept them as “reasonable.”
PART 5: Farewell
On the 21st of October 2019, Lê Hải An’s funeral was held. It was a simple affair and yet it attracted thousands of mourners, ranging from the Vietnamese elites to his students. To many, the loss of An was a great loss to this world. Even without his work to clean up the Ministry of Education, he was an honest, hard-working, humble man who had always tried his best to live up to the image of the model teacher that had become so rare in modern Vietnam. The fact that such a good man had to die so early only rubbed more salt into the open wound.
But time will fly. Life will move on, heals will wound, stories will be forgotten, people will forget. Lê Hải An will one day fade into obscurity, and with him the question:
“What happened to Lê Hải An on October 17th 2019?”
Source
[1] https://canhco.net/lo-hinh-anh-hien-truong-tang-8-va-loi-khai-nhan-chung-khi-ong-le-hai-an-nga-xuong-tu-vong-p329165.html
[2] https://tuoitre.vn/thu-truong-bo-giao-duc-dao-tao-le-hai-an-qua-doi-vi-nga-tu-tang-cao-20191017084152884.htm
[3] https://kienthuc.net.vn/xa-hoi/su-that-ve-thu-truong-bo-gddt-le-hai-an-nga-lau-qua-doi-o-tru-so-bo-1291388.html
[4] https://nld.com.vn/thoi-su/dieu-tra-nguyen-nhan-tu-vong-cua-thu-truong-bo-gd-dt-le-hai-an-20191017102746586.htm
Shameless self-promotion
In the next episode of "The Mysteries of Vietnam," we will return to a re-write and updated version of the first case I wrote about years ago: did Hồ Duy Hải murder two innocent postal workers at Cầu Voi post office, or was it the work of a serial killer on the loose? And why is the Vietnamese government intervening in the case?

REMINDER: these charts are currently being edited, so here's some entries before more get added.
here's a chart to illustrate...

Common phrase	what you'd think it would mean	what it really tells us	notes
"go read a book"	recommending book reading as an idea for other things to do	a disguised version of the phrase "fuck off, asshole".	some of those people do not know that some of us prefer handheld digital devices and other computers over books.
"take a deep breath"	asking somebody to literally take a deep breath, as if it's "helpful"	a dismissive excuse, just for the fact that it takers priority over other move helpful things to say	deep breaths do not have the same effect on some. It's more about regulating aerobic health than regulating emotions.
"girls like confidence"	sounds like somebody saying that confidence will get you laid or more dates	really what it means is that somebody's trying to hide the fact that they are of no help getting men to find girls.
"just be yourself"	sounds like somebody is telling you to be by yourself, or to be your authentic self, or to remove the "politeness" filter	another "placeholder" similar to the confidence thing about girls, to hide the fact that somebody doesn't know how.	There are rules to follow, and if one rule is easy to follow, there's no sense rebelling against it, but it seems that for some, the idea of making an effort to follow rules makes them feel "weak".
"go outside or something"	Sounds like somebody is trying to encourage somebody to go outside and play	apparently it's also an Internet platitude	Sometimes it comes off dismissive. If the requirements for positive feedback aren't too demanding, then maybe ego is more the issue for some, but we can sense "rudeness in disguise" platitudes a mile away.
"that girl really likes you	might sound like a girl actually likes a guy	really, it's just a bullying trick guys use on other guys who appear "hesitant" to flirt or something.	in reality that kind of thing could get somebody in trouble, aside of just being a LIE if a girl isn't actually interested in a guy.
"what are you smoking?" or "lay off the weed" or similar phrase	sounds like somebody blindly assumes that you do drugs when they give no thought to how insulting they come off when some respect is expected	sounds like some standardized phrase used to hide the fact that they have nothing to say, or are not interested or something	When people do that to me, it feeling like they've insulted a celebrity I'm representing since I passionately talk about celebrities, or harmless subjects others miss out on.
"man, you should get a job"	Might sound like somebody thinks jobs are a good idea	in reality, they're just diverting attention away from other matters that may be important it making sure you're fit for any job.	I even if I had a job, I would have nothing to say about it, some people have no idea that some people SHUT DOWN instead of feel happy with the idea.

One thing to summarize all this: some people are too insecure to admit having any "I don't know how" sector of their skill sets, even if they are an expert on the "I'm an expert of it" sectors that might patch it up. But sometimes when they don't know how to do something, they probably get too anxious to refer to the "good" sectors when the BAD sector comes to their attention, or at least that's how I see it.
for example, if somebody doesn't know how to edit video, the least they could do is admit knowing how to market the videos, that's why you find a buddy to do the editing for you, but then again, there's the issue of BETRAYAL in the teamwork, so maybe some of us worry about BETRAYAL when others get involved since there's too many egotistical people trying to tear us down.
Here's another example: if somebody doesn't know how to properly teach men how to go on dates with women, the least they could do is teach them to use a calculator, and tell them that you need to look at your bank balance before going on any date, since dates COST MONEY, or at least advise them to stay single for a few years to make sure they keep their resources stable.
but in the end, most people who claim to be an "expert" at getting other men to couple up often hesitate to deal with other SECTORS that may be important to ensuring the date will "go well".
Basically, when people omit certain facets of the situation, that's another giveaway to how they are using platitudes instead of genuine guidance.
Now, here's a chart of examples of what they forget to say when they say the placeholder "advice".

What they say (A)	what they forget to say in addition to that (B)	notes
"go read a book"	use some electronics instead of paper	sometimes people forget to think about the issue of deforestation saying A without saying B, so that's why it's a giveaway of "placeholders" to me.
"take a deep breath"	"please use a stopwatch to make sure it works"	sometimes they have no idea that timing is a critical factor in their "advice", and have no idea that stopwatches are important tools for properly timing things.
"what are you smoking?" or "lay off the [drug]"	"I refuse to read the Wikipedia articles about the subject you're taking about"	Sometimes when people say A, I always have the hunch that they refuse to do B, since B might ensure they don't rudely patronize me. But the fact that they don't admit refusal to do something also sets the vibe too.
"girls like confidence"	"Just as a fair warning, I'm using the word confidence to reduce en essay to one sentence."	While A may be some awkward "time saver" to avoid saying what B is referring to, teaching somebody to "get the girls", it also seems like a way to hide the fact that somebody doesn't have a reliable scientific formula to guaranteeing 95% success before rejection one month later, or even has no real idea on how, or wants to screw their "competition" over.
"You should get a job"	"Make sure the job pays you enough to buy Beautiful Mercedes Wheels by the end of the year.	Apparently people bring up jobs for social reasons rather than money reasons, and yet, people often talk about "jobs" to hide the fact that they are missing out on other things that may make us cynical about jobs even bring "right" for us. Also, it feels like they are hiding the fact that they have no good advice to offer us. They also sound like they are shaming unemployed people who see other things as more important.

Now, here's some common icebreaker questions, and how an omission of something to say after it can defeat it's purpose.

common icebreaker question	advice that is frequently omitted after the answer	notes
"What do you do for a living?"	"Don't forget to check your bank balance"	I regard "jobs" as sources of income, not conversational small talk "placeholders", which is why I sense some RED FLAG in that.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"	"Make sure your bank balance is above $10,000 before you ask anybody out whether or not you have a GF"	This whole "women want men with money" stereotype, along with other concerns is why I check my bank balance first.
"Who did you vote for?"	"don't get too polarized on these D / L/C politics."	questions like that seem to force a needless conversation, and I get bored hearing about who others voted for.
"How has your day been?"	"if you're not in the mood to give a long answer, you can listen to my conversation with other people to do research on conversation dynamics."	A deep thinker who thinks before they say can be hesitate to ask generic questions, since those questions aren't always "necessary".
"What is your name?"	"it's also important to keep anonymous before you know if it's safe to reveal your name."	some people prefer to stay anonymous, and yet, others forget to think about why anonymity may be important.

Any time advice is omitted after the question is answered, in a way this concerns the motives of those asking those questions.
I was taking my time coming up with examples of things, and applying logic to how the omission of some extensions to what people say can confirm that it's just standardized phrases people are "scripted" to say, rather than think deep to make sure they aren't lying to us or blindly saying the wrong things to us. I think a lot about this stuff.
I guess maybe autism activates sectors of the brain that weed out some red flags in communication, even though we miss some "social cues" in the process.
edit: I had to change a section in the sentence talking about books and computers because somebody made fun of me just for the fact that a word has multiple meanings.