Different oil patterns on bowling lanes

I am 26(f) and my partner is 43(m). We have been together for 3 years. He has been divorced for 3.5 years after a 15 year marriage.
Him and I have lived out of state from his ex and two kids. My partner travels to see them every other month, Sometimes more. We usually try to plan it to go together to spend time with the kids. His ex moved in with her bf a few months after the divorce. We have noticed a pattern the last few months. The kids seem very distant and on top of that the ex has an illness that has her in and out of the hospital.
Lots of times we are unsure who the kids are with and what they are even doing. The ex doesn’t keep my partner in the loop anymore. A few weeks ago his one child got kicked out of school for threatening a student. When we asked the ex what the punishment would be, she said “I took his iPad away for the day”. Shortly after she called crying because the kid was googling inappropriate things in the iPad. When we came to visit, we asked her what else was done about this and she said it’s “restricted”. Unsure what that meant, we asked and she said “he can only go on the iPad from 6am-10pm”. The following day my partner and I took the iPad away. Not because of the school thing but because the child was being disrespectful and talking back. The ex calls and says we had no right to do that. We were baffled. Not only did he use it to look up inappropriate images, but he’s being disrespectful and we don’t have the right to take it? I was honestly over the situation.
Anyways, my partner now wants to me move to the same city as the ex and kids. i was open to it, i even went to a few job interviews. every time we are there, i feel this dark cloud and honestly it doesn’t seem like a good move for my career. Jobs are hard to come by and pay is the lowest I have been offered in my career.
I have been speaking to my family and my dad offered me a position back home in a different state. I told my partner the other day that I wouldn’t be moving with him. I told him to get on the same page as his ex and work on communication. They have serious issues they need to work out and they have things they need to be open about with the kids. I feel awful because I love my partner but emotionally I’m stressed out. I feel like my partner shares half the story with me then begs for advice and cries that him and his ex can’t get on the same page. I tell him all the time, either I am all in and you tell me everything or I am out and don’t want to get involved. Am I being unreasonable? I feel selfish but I just feel like I’m not in that point in my life where I want to pick someone else children over my career and sanity.

All around the world, yellow, white and no that's just it. Yellow and white. What is the purpose and significance of this? We're not including handicapped parking lots or crosswalks.
Why is there no bright green or magenta or cyan road markings? All of these are significantly brighter to the Human eye when exposed to the headlights of trucks and cars. While white works, it's just boring.
White is a dull color in my opinion.
And that's another question I had to ask, what is the significance of filling lane median dividers with diagonal white lines? If that's the case, I want just zigzags in the median dividers, since we're all just drawing nonsense on the road.
You can throw costs argument all day to me, and honestly it doesn't make sense. You expect me to believe that they can't afford green paint?
Yeah so making giant parking lots that take up 2700 feet in length and 745 feet in width is cost effective, but using different colored markings is a waste of money? I did measure the parking lot length in a location I won't disclose.
Please educate me more.

Ok, I might be a desperate case of violent allergy to bad writing, but when I find things that makes no sense to me, it makes me really aggressive.
It's luckily not often the case here, well, probably because the story is slightly surreal to start with, so I accept that as the general context and it's fine.
But within the rules of this worldbuilding I expect absolute narrative consistency. Now 2 or 3 times I have already felt left down in an otherwise amazing moment.
Here again, chapter 445 and 446, the fight of the two Karate gods. Soooo much wrong.
The fight itself, and the flashbacks, are fantastic. But:
- it's absolutely ridiculous that the Silat guy thinks he can convert or in any way force Miu to kill. It's so ridiculous that I can't believe that the same mangaka can go from genius to retarded in a same chapter. - it's equally ridiculous that Elder, who can run so fast and jump so high, and who was right there (he had just caught Kenichi when he fell from the building) needed sooooooo much time to reach the top of the building after noticing the presence of the Silat guy. It's just very bad writing and it drives me NUTS. I really really hate it when writers use these cheap tricks to create tension, like we would not notice. - it's quite annoyingly not credible that Kenichi would leave Miu unprotected and go near an unconscious killing machine (ending stabbed), and that right after that Miu loses her cool TWICE in a row, trying to attack two different Masters.
I was so happy with these chapters, now they're by far the ones I hate the most until now.
Like I mentioned before, it happened already in a similar way with my previous post, and it's strange, it's like a pattern of this mangaka, like losing grip on the story in a moment where the story becomes particularly intense.
​
Anyway. End of the angry rant.

ok so. i have a very specific situation. my gf and i recently tried magic shroom gummies from the brand polkadot. we both struggle w severe mental illness and we both decided maybe this would lead us in a better direction for mental clarity.
so i tried it first (btw this is both of our first times w shrooms) and she tripsitted me. i took one gummy (400mg) and within 30 mins i was already feeling shit. now, i know w edibles especially, that there are many different circumstances that can change the outcomes of trips/highs. so, for context, i had just eaten dinner before i took it. though, i only had two meals (no snacks, nothing but two meals) all day. so idk. but anyways i was feeling buzzy in my hands and i just felt. good. idk how else to describe it. my head felt numb? and then another 30 mins pass and now my mind is completely quiet. which was really fucking foreign since i struggle w severe mental disorders (schizoaffective, adhd, and possible autism). the next 30 mins pass by and i genuinely cant tell if ive been blinking my eyes or not. i felt like i was spacing out but i wasnt thinking about aaaaanything. i started having visuals, i saw lil tiny circular swirls everywhere n at one point the walls were textured ? and i saw a loooot of squiggles and shit. it was weird but rlly fun ngl
my high peaked around the time the visuals kicked in, so about an hour and a half. my high lasted around 4ish hours after that.
ok and then it was my gf’s turn. for context, she had a gastric sleeve done, basically meaning she has a smaller tum. she didnt rlly eat much this day either. so, she took one gummy (first time w shrooms) and i tripsat her. she said she felt nothing at all. to me, she was completely sober looking, acted completely normal, and sounded coherent. she told me she was also feeling sober and coherent. and ive been w my gf for nearly 3 years now, we live together. i can p much tell what shes feeling/thinking just by looking at her. we then fell asleep.
now tell me whyy my gf who is technically the perfect candidate to take edibles (shes a bariatric patient and she also doesnt eat a lot) took 4 and a half gummies today and she said she felt nothing each time i checked in every 40ish mins. ok to be exact, she took two gummies this morning on an empty stomach. then about 5ish hours later, she took another gummy. and then like 30 mins later she took another. anddd then finally, she took a half of one. its now been several hours since she last took a gummy, and she is perfectly coherent, sober, and shes still saying she doesnt feel anything. how is this possible ?
i even asked if she was sure she didn’t feel anything. i even told her to close her eyes and focus on her body sensations and her mind. she said she felt nothing out of the usual. she said she felt normal. im just confused as to why i felt it off of one gummy and she felt Nothing after almost 5.
to cover all bases, id like to add that both of us are somewhat heavy weed smokers. we smoke daily, about 3-5 bowls a day. we both started smoking around 3 years ago.
also ik theres a looooot of suspicion around buying edibles that arent legal, nd getting fakes n stuff. but there was a qr code on the packaging that if u scanned it, it took u to the official polkadot website n u could enter ur unique bar code n see if ur product is a legit polkadot product. and we did that, and it said it was legit. the place we got it from was legit and highly trusted.
additionally, my gf isnt on any ssris, maois, or antidepressants in general. she isnt on any mental health meds or any meds at all atm.
my gf is real upset and disappointed that trying shrooms didnt rlly work or help her chronic mental illness issues. ofc she knows this could just be a miss w the brand, specific mushroom blend, and/or just not the right type of ingestion method for her. we ordered a different shroom product nd we’re gonna see if that works for her.
but if you have any ideas as to why these edibles arent working for her, pls feel free to comment or pm me. and if u have any advice, or suggestions on other medicines/methods we could try to manage mental illness, pls tell me !!
thank you for reading all of this, i hope u have a great day! <3

Hey everybody, I wanted to throw together a quick battle report as I had an opportunity to play "Tenth" today. Tenth in quotes because obviously we do not have point values, and we had to rely on 9th edition points, and in my own instance, a standard Apothecary over the new Biologis. We played a 1000 point game using the Only War sample map set up located in the end of the core rules meaning; 4 objectives, worth 1 point for holding each. And in this instance, no secondaries. This was largely put together just to test setting up a game, terrain rules, the less lethal edition, and to see what battleshock is really about.
I was playing:
1 Gravis Captain with bolter discipline
2 Squads of 5 Aggressors with boltstorm gauntlets
1 Apothecary Biologis with Artificer Armor
1 Small squad of 3 Eradicators
2 Squads of Eliminators
1 Repulsor
This was roughly 940 points, figuring there is likely a points premium with the Apothecary Biologis over his Tactius Armored little bother as there is between Captain and Gravis Captain.
My opponent was playing:
1 Lieutenant with plasma pistol and power fist and Artificer Armor
1 Squad of 5 Heavy Intercessors
1 Squad of 5 Assault Intercessors
2 Squads of 3 Bladeguard Veterans
1 Squad of 5 Desolation Marines
1 Brutalis Dreadnought
Totaling 995 points
Photos of the Board and Armies
Right away we realize the stalemate in this mission sets up, as a no brainer, you set up your markers as far away from your opponent in your own deployment zone. If you manage to stay on a point the whole game, the final score will be split, so you need to survive crossing the no mans land and the ensuing combat in order to break the tie. My opponent having Desolation Marines, meant I could be plinked at the whole game, and would inevitably lose a point. I placed Eliminators into the midfield and hoped I would get the die roll. By deployments end I realized I had another issue. Because I had limited model placements, and firing lanes with my Eliminators, I would have to plant a squad of Aggressors on a backfield objective for the whole game. Not optimal. This largely is my chief mistake of this game, if I had even bog standard intercessors, it would have allowed me to do one of two things; primarily it would allow my intercessors to move off the objective as it would be "sticky" and engage the enemy. Secondly, It would have freed up points for some such other unit option for the battle. Instead I played the game being 150 points down.
I end up winning the die roll, and kill 3 models of the Desolation Marines with Eliminators benefiting from Oath of Moment re-rolls. My Repulsor, which has a squad of Aggressors and the Biologis inside move up and take a few lascanon shots at the exposed Brutalis putting 5 wounds on it. My opponent passes his one battleshock test on his Desolation Marines and we have a brief discussion on how good Eliminators are this edition. On his turn my opponent takes takes a few shots at my Eliminators and Repulsor. We then have another discussion about how it seems everything is going to have cover all the time. We are using a destroyed gunship as debris/scatter terrain in the center of the map, which largely makes every single firing lane grant the benefits of cover. Similarly, his dedicated anti tank weapons are really only doing minimal damage against anti tank because his melta has to make 5+s to wound my Repulsor, which I use the smoke stratagem on to grant it cover and -1 to hit negating much potential damage.
Turn 2 I go in the tank over how I want my embarked Aggressors to proceed. I opt for activating the Assault Doctrine and disembarking from the tank prior to its move so that I can charge into his Assault Intercessors and Lieutenant that's with them. I nominate the Brutalis for Oath of Moment, and my Eliminators to take pot shots at the remaining Desolation Marines as well as the back field Heavy Intercessors. I was hoping to have killed the backfield Heavy Intercessors have to start taking battle shock and subsequently drop points over the course of the game, but only kill 1. The Desolation Marines are removed from the game after improving the Eliminators AP with both plunging fire and having them switched to be in devastator doctrine and the use of the Storm of Fire strat, giving them AP 4 sniper shots. We check to see if there is a rule about the restriction of improving the AP only once, and find that only the hit, wound, and save have such a restriction. "Less lethal," my opponent says. The Repulsor ends up whiffing all of its shots against the Brutalis, even with full Oath re-rolls because he again is in cover because of the scatter terrain as well as being partially obscured from the corner of a ruin. My captain and squad of Eradicators who walked in off the board edge completely nuke a squad of Bladeguard of the table with the Captains Bolter Discipline ability. After charges the Aggressors mulch the Assault Marines, and in stubborn defiance, attack back on death, killing 3 Aggressors back. Combat leaves me in control of one of my opponents objectives and on his turn he does not score his full 2 points.
On my opponents turn he activates the assault doctrine, advances his Brutalis to engage my Captain's Squad, and falls back with the remaining Lieutenant from my Aggressors using his in-built ability. The remaining squad of Bladeguard make an epic advance and charge through a building and into said Aggressors. His Eradicators come up into the board edge and attempt to blast my Repulsor, and again I pop smoke, which negated relevant damage. Bladeguard and Lieutenant put out their maximum amount of force and... only kill 1 Aggressor. It turns out 6 toughness is real, and it doesn't matter if you have 12 strength 4 attacks, you have to wound on 5s. On the swing back I kill only one Bladeguard. Despite me using the Squad Tactics Stratagem, the Brutalis makes the charge, he uses Tank Shock and combined with his natural mortal dealing charge ability nukes the Aggressors and 3/5s of the captain away. I think "Boy that was close, almost lost my Captain." And then my opponent reminds me he still has his attack. One thing to note here, after this combat was finished because of the new rules with consolidating, the Brutalis could not move further as he wouldn't end up in engagement range with anyone, and he wouldn't end up on an objective.
On the third turn I activate the tactical doctrine and once again nominate the Brutalis for Oath of Moment. My Apothecary has Objective Control 3, which in addition to my Aggressors OC 1 beats my opponents total OC 3. Tactical allows me to fall back from the Bladeguard, charge the Lieutenant hanging around, and turn on my Apothecary Biologis Ability making him Objective Control 9. The Brutalis weathers the storm of my Repulsor once again only taking enough to put him into needing to taking battleshock tests, and Eliminators take shots around the board that end up being inconsequential.
On my opponents turn it comes down to him NEEDING to take my rear point from my Eliminators. They go to the farm up north and never see the coffin of hatred coming. Bladeguard and heavy intercessors kill the lone Aggressor, and leave my Biologis to make every save against the 8 Bladeguard attacks, once again being saved by his toughness 6 Gravis Armor.
On my turn the Biologis FAILS battleshock, but ignored it with Insane Bravery. He falls back again, allowing a lone Eliminator to kill a Bladeguard, and retain control of the point. My opponent finally kills my Repulsor in his shooting phase, but has failed battleshock in one too many places, and ends up dropping another point.
We run through quick shooting and combat just to see if the score would be closer, but as luck and feel no pain would have it, the game ends 8-5 in my favor.
Some takeaways:

1. Maybe it is the fact I have played a game of 9th edition nearly every week for the last 3 years that makes the rules dummy easy to understand, but any time we had a rules question, it was extremely cut and dry in resolving whatever issue we had. The complexities of just the writing are just gone, and adapting to 10th rules is pretty simple. Does that make it more like an Edition 9.5, yes except for the glaring changes in toughness, and likely points next Friday.
   
2. Even with my opponents comments earlier in the game, we both agreed lethality is down dramatically. By games end we both still had plenty of models, namely GRAVIS armored models. Be prepared to see a bunch of these guys. Perhaps not Heavy Intercessors per say, but you will absolutely see Aggressors and Eradicators, they all just do great work, especially the Biologis who arguably won me the game which his Objective Control went to 9.
   
3. Stratagems are all relevant. There are no more restrictions to very particular units Between the two of us we used every Marine Stratagem apart from Honor the Chapter (+1 to wound), which would have been relevant in Bladeguard versus Aggressors. We both had to make decisions with our turns in which strat is correct for each situation, and being so CP starved, those decisions mattered. Remember that when you can, popping smoke is always better than just Armor of Contempt. I find it amusing there is a bit of counter-play between Armor of Contempt and Storm of Fire/Honor the Chapter.
   
4. My opponent feels the Bladeguard are mediocre, but I think to make them work they need a Chaplain with them to confer his own +1 to wound, as well as a 12" select a unit to ignore battleshock aura. To me they feel like the new Sternguard, they are cool as hell, but there are other things that do better melee damage. Maybe if they were deployed from a Land Raider or Rhino they would be incredible, but in the Land Raider example you are likely putting on a 250+ point band-aid over a much more easily remedied solution.
   
5. Eliminators feel super strong. In all of 9th I tried to make them work, the combined profiles really make a big difference, and being able to slap out 3 damage, of which can be mortals and targeted towards an HQ. I didn't even consider or even understand at the time, if I put Oath of Moment rerolls on the Assault intercessors and ignored the Desolation Marines, I could have completely wiped him off the table. Would I play 2 squads in the future, only if I had a perfectly shaped hole in my list for them, although I could be wrong. Phobos in general seems significantly more powerful than it was.
   
6. The Brutalis is absolutely bonkers. It is a must kill every game going forward kind of deal, a pair of them would be sick in any list. I would choose it over the new Ballistus every day of the week. I have a feeling the middle child Redemptor is also quite good, and better than the Ballistus, but I have to test that theory out some time next week.
   
7. Intercessors seem paramount to Objective Control, going back to my immediate cringe moment of realizing I would have Aggressors on a back field objective all game, I really wish they were any form of Intercessor Dork. The threat of indirect fire may have been more relevant to regular intercessors, but I would have been able to leave the point, and have room in my list for other units.
   
8. Woods do not have movement penalty! This is my only real criticism of the ruleset. Woods placement in official GW games were specifically to make movement out of Deep Strike difficult, or to make one choke point that both armies had to deal with unless they wanted to be slowed down.
   

Thanks for reading! If anyone can find rules against stacking AP that would be great. Similar, if anyone has anything to say about the lists, I would be appreciative.

So got an interesting one today. A book often referenced by the legendary strength coach Dan John (u/Danie_John) anytime the topic of training for martial arts comes up. The book in question is Bodybuilding and Self-Defense by Myles Callum, originally published in 1962.
Before I start a quick bit about myself. I like to think I know my stuff when it comes to the fundamentals of lifting and martial arts. I've been doing various martial arts since I was a small child and for the last 3 and half years have been deeply involved in competitive grappling focused mainly round No-gi BJJ and wrestling but also a bit of Gi and Judo thrown in for flavor (recently received my purple belt). In addition, I've been lifting for around six years across a variety of modalities from body weight to barbells and kettlebells.
Summary of contents
So the book begins with some intro chapters after which it goes into a section recommending various tumbling exercises including front roll, back roll, headstand, handstand from crow position, backbends, and neck bridges, as well as more dynamic movements like forward and backward handsprings, flips and cartwheels, emphasizing a slow buildup to these more advanced techniques as well as the importance of performing these in a safe environment. All solid advice and if you've ever done any kind of grappling art you'll understand the importance of these types of exercises.
Prior to the lifting section, there's a chapter covering a warmup of toe touchers, side bends, leg raises, "the bicycle kick", situps, and pushups before moving on to the lifting program of the book.
The program itself is a 3 day a week full-body program that could be considered reminiscent of a low-volume version of Arnold's Big 6. It recommends doing a circuit of Bench Press, Overhead Press (or the "regular press" as it's referred to), Squats (interestingly done in the old school "deep knee bend" style, where the knees come fully over toes and the heels leave the ground, I'm not qualified to speak on safety here so I won't), bent over row, curls and a deadlift. These moves are recommended to be performed on days 1 and 3 of the week. On day 2 you would do the exercises shown in the next chapter which were calf raises, barbell pullover, behind-the-neck press, side bends with the barbell across the neck (like in a back squat), shoulder shrug and alternating press (aka a seesaw press).
The book gives directions on how to perform these exercises alongside some images of them being performed. All workouts are supposed to be done in circuit style for 2 rounds with the reps being primarily in the 10-12 range, with the exception of calf raises where it recommends 24 reps per set. From there it recommends building up reps to 20 in most cases before increasing weight. The starting weight recommendations tend to be very reasonable, mostly starting with a 30lbs (13.6kg for my fellow Europeans) barbell and building up to 50lbs (22.7kg) over time. It's also stated previously in the book that you shouldn't struggle with weights and I'm starting to see why Dan John loves this book as there are a lot of parallels to easy strength. An interesting mention is that Myles also recommends performing a daily set of high-rep bodyweight squats to condition your thighs.
Myles Callum finishes the book with a lengthy section on self-defense which to me is rather reminiscent of old-school martial arts manuals (which I suppose it technically is). First, it sells you on the idea of practicing self-defense and interestingly enough talks about the idea of strength in self-defense, an idea that's been controversial in many martial arts up till recently (in this way the book is very ahead of its time). It goes through basic stance and break falling then some Judo demonstrations going over hip throws (mainly Koshi-waza and Seoi-nage), foot trips (Sasae) and a weird sacrifice throw (looks a little like an attempt at Hikikomi gaeshi but ends up looking like a BJJ guard pulls to overhead sweep). In addition to some "arm locks", grip breaks, and a few techniques for escaping chokeholds that look straight out of another BS "self-defense for women" course. The final chapter covers some very general advice on approaches to real self-defense situations, most of which is just sound common sense advice of stay out of those situations, trying to get away and fighting is a last resort, as well as going over a few "dirty" street defense techniques such as an oblique kick.
Review
So as I stated I can see why Dan John loves this book. It highlights the importance of tumbling movements, which in my experience is often something most of us did as kids and then stopped doing as we got older Similar to mobility a lot of us lost it then and have been trying to regain it since. For the lifting portion, the warmup seems sound, and the exercise selection seems good with the only possible exceptions being the weighted side bends and the deep knee bend squats. I personally tried the knee bend squat and had no issues with lightweight but I don't believe this is something you're going to want to load a lot or attempt if you have poor mobility. I think in this case it's important to remember that the book recommends very light starting weights of only 20lbs in some cases, as well as building up the squat movement pattern with daily high rep deep knee bend squats mentioning standard tests of 75-100 reps as a goal. The only addition I would make is a vertical pull variation (probably a pull-up) though the book does mention rope climbs as something you should do in an earlier chapter and some ideas on neck-strengthening exercises against a wall, as well as encouraging the reader to "get creative" with exercises and coming up with your own.
Though exercise selection and variety are good the total weekly volume is definitely on the minimalist end however, for someone whos also starting grappling and lifting at the same time, the wear and tear on the body is going to already be considerable so a minimalist program like this could be ideal. The loads though light will ensure good form and a base for learning later while still leaving enough energy to go and practice martial arts.
As for the martial arts and self-defense sections. I like the order, first of all, it's taught in a good sequence giving good foundational information from the ground up, going over things like stance and falling before progressing to actual techniques. The technique selection is brief but I believe that's to the reader's benefit, you don't want to give a beginner too many techniques to begin with. One technique from the judo section was demonstrated quite poorly but it's a book with only a few images for demonstrations so what can you do? I do wish however that some basic wrestling techniques had been thrown in, such as possibly a basic mat return of a rear body lock or perhaps a single leg.
Something I do wish they'd done differently is instead of focusing on wrist locks in the "arm locks" section they'd shown some more effective joint locks such as the armbar or kimura (aka double wrist lock/ude garami) as they're much more effective techniques.
I'd have to say one of my favorite sections is on releases where the focus is put on breaking wrist grips, something very applicable to self-defense and combat sports. A lot of variations are shown and this is a truly valuable section, despite showing some more iffy-looking defenses against what I've dubbed "the Homer Simpson choke". Finally, the real-world self-defense advice, though brief is surprisingly excellent. No BS just honest advice that anyone worth their salt would tell you, avoid, escape, and fight when you absolutely have to, the art of fighting without fighting kind of thing.
Conclusion
I enjoyed this book a lot, interesting read. It's a good introductory book, giving general all round good fitness and life advice relating to physical culture. Though the book definitely shows its age in places, it's a cool look into the past for anyone with an interest. Today we definitely have better programs for bodybuilding and for learning about self-defense but with that being said I wouldn't say any of the information in the book is what I would describe as "bad", at worst just outdated.
Lifting culture has come along significantly since the time this book was written and the creation of mixed martial arts has given us a much clearer idea of what self-defense techniques do and do not work on the "streets". With this in mind, it's hard to be too judgemental over what Myles Callum didn't get 100% right and it's far more impressive to me the things he did very well in this book.
All in all, I'd say 6.5/10. Worth a read to those who have an interest in physical culture but like I said there are better books out there for bodybuilding and self-defense. This aint a bad place to start though.

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In the first Digital Economics Cohort, I built out my course The 2 Hour Writer.I have videos showing how I build it with the strategies in phase 3 and 4.There is a bonus module that shows how I had an $85,000 launch that resulted in my first $100K month.I did this to prove the strategies inside Digital Economics work if you stick to the plan.And, this past Black Friday, I blew my that monthly high out of the water in 4 days.That’s the power of these strategies if you stay consistent with your life’s work.

Hello Reddit! I’m posting this on a Throwaway because I don’t want this on my main account. Formatting may be really wacky. For reasons (mainly because I don’t want to disclose my age and have this on my reddit history and don’t know if my family has reddit) I am using a throwaway. Please strap in because this is a long, long ride. All names are changed.
Also, I hope this Sub allows questions like this. I'm really just looking for some advice if I did the right thing or- I honestly don't know. Advice would just be appreciated. Sorry-
I think my age may be relevant because I did make a really stupid choice here, which yes I do regret. I do know this situation could’ve ended in disaster because of my own stupidity and weak foresight. I'm an idiot.
There is a lot of relevant background information to help readers understand how this dog acts. Sorry.
Ever since we bought Biscuit(2f rottweiler, not her actual name) almost two years ago; there have been issues throughout all of the other family pets. We have two elderly dogs, three cats and HAD five guinea pigs. Now one guinea pig. Lots and lots of issues with all of these pets. Most of these issues are minor or have been resolved or are being resolved.
Not all of the issues are Biscuits fault but our fault for not noticing the signs and training her to prevent these circumstances. I won’t go into much detail but please be mindful we are getting Biscuit professionally trained but due to the interest rates crises in my country, my family haven’t been able to afford many sessions with her personal dog trainer.
There are a few parts to this that I need to explain. Like a lot.
Biscuit chases/tries to play with the cats. Barking, chasing and cornering them constantly. The cats are not at all bemused. Its a problem that has been ongoing since day one of them all meeting. No matter what we try, nothing so far has worked to get Biscuit to chill out. She is not aggressive towards them, just playful. But there is a size difference. A huge one. Biscuit is apparently above average height for other female Rotties her age. It is a noticeable difference that local Rottweiler breeders have commented on quite a bit. The cats are average sized house cats. So, huge difference in size.
Our cat Fog(11f?) was fostered by a rottie as a kitten and either plays with Biscuit or attacks her, depending on the royal highnesses mood. Mr Moody (6m) does not take anything. If he sees her, he will hiss, puff up his tail and corner her. He is not afraid to attack and does not run. Biscuit is afraid of Mr Moody and sometimes is held dormant at doors because Mr Moody will not let her pass. Then there's Runner(2m).
Yeah, he runs. Biscuit loves it, she thinks it's some big game of chase and boop the tiny cat. Not at all fun for the cat who thinks the big scary dog is about to eat him or crush him. We’ve tried training her but she doesn't understand. Also the only cat that runs avoids her like the plague.
Thing is, Runner spent like the past year and a half since buying Biscuit barely being seen. My mother refuses to let cats live inside so they go outside. Runner will disappear for 2-4 days at a time without being seen. Once a whole week. I hate it. We have ticks here and he’s a long hair cat. Three days with a paralysis tick and he’s dead. I hate it so, so much. I hated it. He now comes into my room (I have a door) and hides. I have food and water out so he’ll spend the days in my room chilling, eating and then going back outside. Every day I tick check him. (I’m a worrier about ticks since we’ve lost dogs and my cats have almost died to them. Tough critters.) Whenever he’s missing for a couple of days I physically go searching.
ALSO. We keep Biscuit as an INSIDE DOG; this also affects her behavioural patterns because she is kept inside. This also plays into why she acts like this since the other dogs are OUTSIDE dogs. (We have a very large property that we let our dogs run around in, so before you ask, no she is not deprived of exercise she is let out multiple times a day when she bashes on the door.) This has noticeably instilled a mindset in Biscuit of ‘all other dogs HAVE to be kept outside’.
I’ll probably make another post discussing this but in short; Biscuit attacked our elderly (9f?) dog a couple of months ago. It was when the other dog was trying to come inside and Biscuit apparently felt offended by this. It was non-life threatening but we have been pulling out all the stops to prevent Biscuit from attacking/meeting the dog again. Other than this Biscuit is incredibly docile and acts like a huge puppy to everyone else. At the vet she is praised for how well she behaves and doesn’t even bat an eye to the other dogs.
How this is all relevant is that we lock Biscuit inside of my fathers bedroom (or someone else's) and allow the other dog outside for about thirty minutes to an hour. Today, this morning, she was locked in my room. Mr Moody was in with me as we waited and chilled.
Though you may wanna know what my room looks like. Smallish cramped room, door leading to the balcony on the right dead centre. Bed set in the middle against the far wall. Door on the left straight across from the bed on the same wall. And food bowel on right side near the door leading to the balcony.
Now the problem. And where I was a complete idiot.
Runner was begging to come in. Adorable begging cat eyes are horrible and should not exist.
I stupidly let him inside thinking; oh, hey maybe biscuit won't notice!
I was wrong. I was so, so fucking stupid and wrong.
She watched him intently at first which made me warily sit beside her and watch. Runner was just eating casually not having noticed Biscuit. Internally I was already face palming at my stupidity. She went to chase. Runner jumped and hissed, Mr Moody (who is normally a big bully to everyone but adores me) hissed and growled. Probably looking for an excuse to beat up Biscuit. It was a standstill.
I grabbed Biscuit and rolled her over on the bed repeating ‘leave it’, ‘its okay’, ‘no’, ‘stop’ over and over. This was not the alpha dominance thing, I did try holding her back but I'm not as strong as her and did not want to risk hurting myself or Biscuit. So, yell at me if this was wrong, but please give better alternatives on what I could've done. Whenever she went to get up I would repeat it and roll her over. Runner had escaped and hidden underneath the bed. Biscuit seemed really interested in escaping me (gently, not enough to hurt her, just keep her held down.) and going after Runner.
After a bit I remembered! The cat food. Sweet lord, I’m saved. Biscuit loves food more than life itself.
I got Biscuit to chill out before making a break for the cat food. That dog sat down faster than the speed of light. So I got to work, trying to make her understand that no, listen to me and do not attack the cats.
It was semi-easy because she could not see Runner and as I’ve mentioned, she’s not the biggest fan of Mr Moody.
So I’m here to ask you, was what I did next the right way to do things?
I would feed Biscuit some cat food so she was focused on that and not the cats. Then I thought; oh well, maybe I should teach her something. At first I taught her the wait command. I would make her wait for food by holding it in front of her mouth and pulling it away before saying ‘now’ and giving it to her. This also worked when I would bend down to pick up more cat food.
This evolved into me petting Mr Moody than giving him food saying ‘watch’, ‘wait’ and giving her food. I would also let her sniff my hand after petting Mr Moody so she understood that they’re not play toys. I hoped this would help. I would also pet Biscuit and feed her.
From this it evolved into ‘All eyes on me’. I would get Biscuit to watch me and not the cats, unless I told her to watch. But I knew that this was easy because its Mr Moody and Biscuit. Not Runner and Biscuit. At the same time I knew it was far too dangerous to actually physically go and grab Runner.
So the stupid cat came out the other side of the bed. I decided ‘fuck it, ill wrangle her again if she tries to pounce’ and used the commands, ‘stay,’ ‘wait’, ‘its okay’ etc while slowly approaching Runner. For the first time ever she GOD DAMN STAYED. When she sort of shifted to look at me I said ‘All eyes on me.’ pet Runner and gave him food. Slowly went back over to Biscuit and gave her some food while praising her.
I repeated the process of feeding Mr Moody, petting him, feeding him, saying wait to Biscuit, feeding her and stuff like that. THEN, Runner crept over and started eating from the food bowl. I had to calm Biscuit down and get her to focus on me but it worked. It worked but I know if it didn’t something bad may have happened. I know I’m stupid. I do. But I’m also so, so proud that the dog for once listened.
It was progress. A cat terrified of this dog was lowering his guard and eating around her. Almost two years of fear and this was the first time.
I also know that Biscuit needs to learn to control herself when around the cats. That I was stupid and literally did not think about the possible outcomes. Two years old should be around the time she chills out. But her ability to be properly socialised with Runner may be lost. Runner will never feel safe around her. But I think if we slowly start training when she’s at this stage, with Runner, it’ll at least calm down the tension. I don’t want these two animals to keep this up. But I also know that I’m not trained or qualified for this and that one wrong word, movement or gesture could have caused this all to go to shit.
So, Reddit, did I do the right thing? What could have I done better? I think I did the wrong thing just letting the goddam cat in. As I've mentioned, I'm stupid. Also I'm kinda new to reddit so the formatting may be all wacky.
Sorry again if this breaks any rules. I did read them but I dunno if anything here breaks them. Have a lovely day/night!!

Let me start this off by saying no, this is not some PTSD-induced incident. No, it's not the stress. No, I'm not crazy and you need to listen to me before, this happens to someone else. It all started several weeks ago during the best day of my life. The day I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. Everything was amazing, we called both of our parents. We threw a party. We celebrated, and we were filled with joy and amazement. Then we went to the doctor, everything was fine with the child, but there was a problem. You see when I was 8, I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed Alprazolam. This could cause complications with the pregnancy, and I could no longer take the drug. Instead, I would swap over to a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor that would still work without affecting my baby. So, I swapped over to the new medication and went on with my life. Now it didn't work as well as the previous ones and I would still find myself being overwhelmed, but I could cope with it.
​
During all this Greg, my husband, was amazing. He did everything to help make my life easier, from the big things like taking over most chores around the house to small things like rubbing my feet after a long day at work, just staring into the deep wells of his bright sky-blue eyes would make my worries disappear, he was my rock. Then we got an unexpected phone call. Greg’s father, Travis had a nasty fall in his garage, damaging his spinal cord. He needed emergency surgery and even in the best case, he would stay wheelchair-bound for several months. Travis lives alone down in Florida and he had no one to take care of him. So we did the only thing we could. Greg took a leave from work and flew down to Florida to take care of him while he recovered from his surgery. And while this might sound selfish, I was really worried about what I would do without him. And soon, that tiny house we lived in began to feel like a giant, empty mansion. And I never felt as alone as I did in those weeks. I would come home every day after work. From some microwave food or order out from some delivery service. And then I would sit alone on the couch and watch TV until I fell asleep. Wake up and do it all again. Not the healthiest thing for an expecting mother, I suppose.
​
And then one particularly stormy night, as I was coming home from work, The rain was cascading down it seemed like it was some sort of torrential rainfall or some terrifying storm that was blowing in. The wind was howling. Thunder cracked in the distance. A freezing gust breeze blew through the neighborhood. The trees swayed, bent, and cracked under the weight of that wind. It seemed like it would be one hell of a storm. And then I saw it. Sitting in the corner of the driveway. This little cat. It was a tiny black cat. And he looked so small, and drenched by this torrential downpour. And I felt so bad for the little guy. He must be so cold. So I got out of the car. Quickly ran over to him and surprisingly, he didn't flinch or run away. He just sat there staring at me with those large amber eyes. I quickly scooped him up into my arms and carried him inside. He looked a bit malnourished. He was thin and scrawny, with his fur matted against his body, completely soaked. So I got out my hair dryer and a towel. I set it to a low heat and dried the cat. I then got him some food, an old can of tuna we had in the cupboard. Now at first, the cat was somewhat catatonic. It seemed that the severe cold and malnourishment left him in a bit of a state. But I tried to be very gentle gave him some food and I put him in an old cardboard box with a blanket inside, and left him alone so he could rest.
​
After my escapades with this animal, I made myself a quick microwaved dinner, turned on the TV, sat down, and flipped to one of my shows. Eventually, the pictures on the screen began to blur as my eyes began to droop down, with the relaxing pitter-patter of the rainfall and howling winds outside. As my eyelids drooped lower and lower down I drifted off into dreams.
​
But this dream was different. it was a strange dream, something I'd never felt before. And I awoke with a start, terrified. My heart was beating out of my chest and my breath was coming hard and fast. It was a nightmare like I've never felt before. Now, I don't remember any monsters or people hunting me or anything like that, not even any visual from the dream. The only thing that I could recall. Was a feeling of something watching me, something very, very hungry watching. And I jerked open my eyes looking around in a panic. And froze, as my blood ran cold, sitting next to me on the couch was that cat. Staring up at me with those large amber eyes, but these eyes weren’t normal. There was something wrong with them. Something all too human in them. I freaked out, jumped up, and backed away from it. Now don't judge me too hard for this, But I ran out of the room, opened the front door, grabbed a broom from the cupboard, and chased the cat out of my house into the dark cold rainstorm. Then I slammed the door behind me locking it tight. Only when that strange animal was outside could I relax again. Eventually, when I sat back on the couch and started thinking it all through, I felt so stupid. It was just a cat. That weird human-like intelligence behind its eyes, that that was just my imagination, just something left over from that nightmare and I honestly reacted badly and I shouldn't have chased him out. Well, it's too late now, and after about an hour of sitting on the couch again and watching some more shows, I eventually fell asleep again.
​
Now when I woke up in the morning, I had all but forgotten of the cat. So I woke up, got off the couch, and did my normal morning routine. I had a shower, got dressed, made myself some breakfast, and then got ready to leave. When I reached for the handle to open the front door, something was wrong. I heard something moving outside the door. It wasn't big, it wasn't a loud sound. It was as if some small animal had started running away from my front door, and I remember the cat and felt really bad. The poor animal must have been out there all night trying to avoid the rainstorm. I could hear him running away, and I couldn't do much at this point. So I opened the door, took my keys, and went to work. From then on though it kept happening. Every time got home from work I would hear the cat around, always outside of my eyesight, but I could always hear him there in the background. When I would leave for work, he would run away from the front door. When I got back, he would run away into the bushes in the corner of the driveway. I didn't really see the cat again, not for at least two weeks. But I could always hear him, and it bothered the hell out of me. I did try to befriend him again. Getting some catnip from a local pet store and some cat food which I left outside. I hoped maybe I could repair the damage I did to my relationship with this cat. But things didn't get better. In fact, they got a lot worse.
​
But eventually, I did see the cat again. I was making dinner for myself, and outside the window of the kitchen, I saw it sitting there in the corner in the shadows. Those large amber eyes stared up at me from the bushes. And it filled me with some strange dread. Those eyes look wrong. The moment our eyes met he bolted back into the shadows, disappearing from my view. And this pattern continued. At times when I would think I was alone, I would get this strange feeling of being watched. I went I would take the initiative and start searching. I would always, invariably find those large amber eyes staring at me. Through a window, or a crack in the door. The only place I felt safe was in my bedroom. So I stopped watching TV at night. And then even that changed. You see, after a particularly bad day at work when I was feeling so overwhelmed. I got home, I got in bed and I just wanted to fall asleep and forget the world. Then I heard some scratching. That wasn't possible. I was on the second floor of the house. There was a window, but there were no trees outside of it. There was no easy access to it. It isn't something you could easily climb or access. Yet I heard something at that window. And when I looked over, I saw a pair of large amber eyes staring at me. Which then bolted, dropping two stories to the ground miraculously and then running off into the shadows again. This was not possible. However, the hell did it get to my window?
​
At that point, I had had enough. I called the pest control specialist and told them there was a stray cat in my yard and I wanted it gone. Their large, burly man came one day in a beat-up truck. Screeched down the driveway, pulling in and stopping for Huff. The man peeled himself out of the car a large and overweight man that seemed covered in scratches and scars from who knows what. He seemed perfect for what I needed. I told him there was this cat and I needed it to go anyway, doesn't matter how. He looked at me and I could tell he was thinking I was on hysteric Karen, but I didn't care. He said with a grunt. Sure, I'll handle it. I'll put up some traps outside. It’ll be gone in the morning.
​
But the strange thing was I never did see that man again. He did place some traps around my yard, but he never did collect them. I called his company's number, but nobody ever answered, and I had to assume he'd probably fled town for some or another reason and forgotten all about my job. but to his credit, the cat didn't show up again. At least not for the next week. But when he did return it was so much worse. You see, he stopped hiding as much from me. I would catch him watching me more often, and when our eyes met, he would wait for a bit, watch, and turn around and walk away. The more he watched me, the more I watched him back, and the more I noticed strange things about it. Yes, it had those strange human-like eyes, but there was more to it. Now that I started paying attention, I noticed that its front paws were longer than they should be. They honestly look a lot like the length of human arms would be. it just tucked them into his fur so you don't notice normally. Then there were its paws, I could swear it looked like there were almost thumb-like growths on the side of them.
​
Honestly, at that point I was pretty scared, so I called another pest control specialist. Which sent out another person. After a few days, they told me there were no cats around, they couldn't find anything and there was nothing to remove. Bloody idiot. So I tried another company and then another. At that point, I had tried at least seven different pest control agents and none of them could find this bizarre cat. But strangely at this point was starting to get less scared of the creature, it did deeply disturb me, but at the same time, it was always at a distance. It never approached me. Sure, it did watch me, and that scared me. But it never did anything. So even though I saw it, I stopped feeling threatened by it. I just felt that it was wrong. So, I decided that I would put it out of my head that this was a source of stress I didn't need and I would just ignore the animal and forget about it.
​
It largely helped. Even though I kept seeing the creature, I stopped getting scared and I stopped really doing anything about it. I just figured that it's a weird cat and I'll leave it alone. But that was a mistake. I should have gotten the hell out of there. I should have gotten a gun and shot the bloody thing. I don't know what I should have done, but I shouldn't have done what I did. Because the cat started getting more comfortable, it stopped running when it caught my gaze. It stopped fleeing every time I was around it. I would find it watching me for longer, but I just kept ignoring it. And then one night, I awoke in the early morning, but something was very, very wrong. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. It was dark, but I could still see a faint light coming in from the curtains. But I couldn't move.
​
My arms wouldn't respond. My legs didn't move. I couldn't roll over or move my head. I could just lie there and blink. Now at first, I panicked, and I was freaking out, I tried desperately to figure out what was happening. But after a few minutes, I realized this had happened before. When I was a child. There were a few nights when I was affected by sleep paralysis. Where I would wake up and for a few minutes I wouldn't be able to move until eventually I would regain control of my body and I'd be fine. So, I just have to wait it out and not stress.
​
So, I lay there for a few seconds. Until a sound, broke the dead silence of the night. The sharp sound of breaking glass, but no footsteps, no sounds of people, nothing like that. It was just breaking glass. And then? The door handle moved. But there were no sounds of footsteps, just the rattle of the handle. The door slowly pushed open with a loud creek as a small black form slithered into the room. A pair of glowing amber eyes caught my gaze, and I could swear you could see a small furry grin appear on its catlike muzzle. At that moment, I could see it in his eyes. Not just a human-like intelligence, but a hunger? Next, the creature did something so bizarre, it stood up on its hind legs and slowly with the grace of an old-timey gentleman sauntered over to the bed, disappearing from my view. Then something slithered up onto the bed underneath the covers. I could see it, I couldn’t move or even scream, but I could hear the crinkle of the bed sheets as it pushed its way toward me. Then an excruciating pain filled my stomach, the pain was unbearable and never-ending it felt like something was tunneling through my flesh until eventually, I blacked out.
​
I awoke in a blood-soaked bed; with a shaky hand, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed an ambulance. After hours of tests, the doctors told me, I had a sleep paralysis incident, leading to a panic attack which caused a miscarriage. I was in a horrible state, full of fear and a deep hatred of that monster, I wanted nothing more than revenge. So, I left the hospital and went to a gun store. Apparently, I couldn’t get a gun that day, but I could get a crossbow, So I bought what I could get, a hunting crossbow with some bolts, and headed home. But that thing didn’t show up. I waited for hours. So I sat down at my computer and started writing this, crossbow at my side and waiting for the familiar feeling of being watched. After hours I finally did feel it again and looked up out my window to see not one but two pairs of eyes. One glowing amber pair and one sky-blue pair, the exact same shade of sky-blue I’ve seen a thousand times before. I froze staring at the uncanny human intelligence of the sky-blue eyes and felt a strange familiarity to it. After a few seconds, the pair fled back into the shadows leaving me sitting here in tears. What should I do?

Age: 27 Sex: Male Race: White/Caucasian Location: USA PMH: None (prior to these issues), now Hypertension, Hearing loss in left ear Current Medications: Amlodipine 10mg, Losartan 25mg Duration of Complaint: 10 months Symptoms: Many, see description. Family History: Heart disease (paternal grandfather, paternal uncle), dementia (maternal grandmother), migraines (mother).
Hey all,
I am a previously healthy 27 year old male, who has been having a strange collection of symptoms since the end of August 2022. I have seen numerous doctors without much success. Prior to the onset of these symptoms, I considered myself perfectly healthy beyond the occasional seasonal illness and stuff like that.
On 26 August 2022, I had an episode of vertigo. This felt very similar to a previous incident of vertigo that I experienced in September of 2019: all of a sudden, I felt like I was falling to the left. There was nothing preceding either of these events, in both cases I was sitting in a chair, reading / on the computer. For the incident in 2019 I went to the hospital, where the ED doc told me I had benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV), and gave me some exercises to help relieve the symptoms. In both cases, I did the exercises and took a nap, and the acute symptoms went away by the next morning. Also in both cases, I felt kind of off/unbalanced for a few weeks afterwards. Not to the point where it impacted my motor skills, but I just felt ever so slightly off balance, especially in the dark. This feeling faded back to normal over the course of a couple of weeks.
This is where things changed between the 2019 incident and the incident from last year. Although the acute "spinning" sensation subsided as normal, a number of other symptoms appeared after the vertigo symptoms began to fade. Over the next few weeks, I began to experience a "fuzzy" feeling, as though my head had been stuffed full of cotton, like a moderate brain fog. I felt off balance, my vision seemed blurry, my eyes were constantly either watery or too dry. I had constant itchiness and dull pain in my left ear. Occasionally, I would have a brief (30-60 second) stabbing pain in one ear that would gradually fade back to normal. I started having headaches, especially the feeling that the top of my head was being squeezed, or a stabbing pain behind the eyes. It was hard for me to focus on objects, especially in the middle distance. My eyes felt tight or streched. I would see halos around lights at night. I felt a constant pressure in my ears (especially the left one), to the point where I would clear my ears by equalizing pressure 5-6 times per day, each time would be accompanied by an audible squeal of releasing pressure from the left ear. Perhaps most distinctly, when I would lay down and close my eyes I would have the feeling of falling: a sudden jerk (usually to the left or backwards), before I would immediately feel normal again. This would repeat randomly until I would fall asleep. I would have a "television static" across my vision all the time, when in low light I would sometimes see objects or patterns vibrating.
I went to an ophthalmologist in the middle of September 2022, who noted my eyes looked fine, with some mild signs of hypertensive retinopathy. They also noted that my blood pressure was quite high: around 150/110 when resting, up to 170/120 when not-relaxed. I went to my PCP and was prescribed lisinopril/HCTZ 20mg/25mg. This seemed to help my blood pressure somewhat, but caused me to have constant waves of nausea and gastroparesis such that I went back in November and asked to be moved to a different medication, at which point they started me on Amlodipine 5mg. This did not control my blood pressure, and in December I was moved to Amlodipine 10mg, and then recently Amlodipine 10mg and Losartan 25mg. I have not been on the most recent medication long enough to see any long term changes in BP.
I saw an ENT at the beginning of the year who noted that my ears looked fine, were not infected, and that sometimes pressure in the ear accompanies one sided hearing loss like I have. He recommended that I see a neurologist.
Over the recent months, my symptoms have settled somewhat. I no longer feel brain fog or motion when laying down. However, the following symptoms are still present:
Lots of eye gunk, eyes feel either dry or watery and tired all the time, I am constantly rubbing them. I see astigmatism beams around bright lights, even during the daytime, halos around lights and globes of color around colored lights at night. I have constant floaters across my vision, both small round clear ones and large darker linear or triangular ones. There is a constant "heat haze" or static effect across my whole vision. I have extremely noticeable diplopia (sometimes minor, sometimes severe where the words are 95% offset from the originals), but mostly with light colored writing on dark backgrounds. There is a constant tinnitus, which is fairly loud, and pressure in one or both ears, requiring me to clear them as mentioned before. I still see the vibration when looking at straight lines or patterns in low light. I have random headaches, usually behind my temple or on top of my head, but these tend to go away quickly.
None of this is debilitating, but it sure is very annoying and has tanked my quality of life. No One I have talked to has had any answers for me, even after a number of tests and blood work.
Here is what I have had done and the results:

• Basic Metabolic Panel and CBC with differential (9 September): All Normal
  
• EKG (9 September): Normal
  
• Eye Exam (19 September): Normal, signs of slight hypertensive retinopathy.
  
• Basic Metabolic Panel (22 November): All normal
  
• Urinalysis (23 December): Normal
  
• EKG (23 December): Normal, "t-waves more upright"
  
• Comprehensive Hearing Test (13 January): Moderate Hearing Loss Left Ear, no significant changes from baseline June 2018
  
• Head CT (temporal bone) without Contrast (1 February): Bilateral thinning of the tegmen tympani, otherwise normal.
  
• Basic Metabolic Panel (6 April): Normal
  
• Plasma Renin Activity (6 April) : Normal
  
• Aldosterone (6 April): Normal
  
• Brain MRI with and without Contrast (14 April): Normal except for trace right mastoid effusion and minimal mucosal disease in left sphenoid sinus
  
• Renal Ultrasound (26 April): Normal, renal arteries < 60% stenosis, everything within normal limits.
  

I'm kind of at the end of my rope here. Since I'm an American this has basically bankrupted me, even with my insurance. I'm moving to a new state in 2 weeks, so I haven't been able to make any appointments for anything else, and I don't know what my insurance will be with me changing jobs. The only other thing I have to go on is the ENT recommendation to see a neurologist, particularly one specializing in migraines.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I have noticed a pattern of weird behaviors from women I date that I met online that are BBWs. I say this because it has only happened with BBW women and not others.
I notice they either cancel on me right before meeting, their excuse is always "I don't feel good" and then there is never a follow up get together, if we do set one, it never happens.
Another one is "I am busy with work" and then I never hear from them again, unless I contact them first, but we still never get together, and this is before even meeting them in person.
Then there are 3 other rare instances...one was in 2020 where I was talking to this BBW for awhile, she was very flirty and initiated a lot of flirting first....we ended up meeting and she was a bit cold. I then text her 2 days later after not hearing from her and told her I did not think we were a good fit and I advised her to not flirt or invite guys to her house anymore that she has not met in person.
The 2nd weird incident was about a year ago (but this was not from someone I met online, this was from a meetup). This BBW I was only friends with, but she thought it was more I guess. She said the reason she stopped responding to my texts was because she "knows" I have been talking to different women. I told her those women were only friends and that I treat her the same way I treated them. I said there was nothing going on with them....and I said "You make me uncomfortable and your text is very childish and it is best that we don't talk anymore" and she starting acting like a "victim" and saying I thought you were a good guy...and then said "you know there was something going on here, let's be honest" and I took the high road and decided not to play her childish game and blocked her number.
And then another BBW I met, we talked awhile and conversation was good, but when we met she seemed to not be as outgoing, she was nice, but there was no connection like on the internet or phone. Then a few days later she text me saying that "she needs to work on herself and is not ready to date at this moment, and that she even removed her dating profile" I told her I understood and that she can contact me if she needs to anytime.
Then last weekend I got another weird situation with a BBW from online. We agreed to get together later in the evening for a drink and perhaps food, she said it would be easier for her to get together with me after she was done driving for Uber because she will already be out. So I said sure if that is easier for her we can get together later that evening or night. Then two hours later she cancels on me using the "I'm not feeling well and I don't think i'll be good company tonight" and then gave no other alternate time or day to try to get together again in their text ...this was literally two hours after we got off the phone when she suggested getting together tonight would be easier.
So 4 weird BBW situations, 3 of them from online.
I never had women do this before but it feels very childish. These women are in their 30s and 40s. Feels like they are making an excuse like a kid does to a teacher when they say "My Dog ate my homework" or "My temperature is too high to go to school today".
The only thing I can think of is they are doing this because they are insecure with themselves and rejecting me first before I reject them. But I would have not rejected them, but in their minds I think they think I would.
Now I'm not overweight or anything and I'm decent looking guy, but I am feeling they are so insecure with themselves that they have to push others away be3cause they think they won't get hurt. Why else would they do this? Often times before even meeting in person?
Can someone else explain this or perhaps verify it is an insecurity on their end because they are afraid of rejection from someone else? This feels very weird and also childish behavior.

The Iconoclast was very different on the inside than it was on the outside. The outside was painted a dark, rusty red and kept simple to help blend into the void of space. It was large, sure, about a kilometer and a half long, but it was also bulky in a sleek way, two words that shouldn't have fit together but did in this case. The ship had a lot in common with those of tilfish design; substantial in tonnage for its purpose but still practical and efficient. But it was also clearly pieced together from several salvaged tilfish ships by humans, making it thinner and and more predatory in nature than what you'd normally see constructed by the aquatic insectoids.
The inside, however, well that was a different story. It was a warm orange color throughout, and filled to the brim with things you wouldn't expect to see inside of a warship. The first place she saw just down the hall when she entered the ship was the dining hall. The dining hall was actually more like a very large dining room, with dozens of wide circular tables that were bolted to the floor surrounded by elegant dining chairs. Two red vintage soda machines sat side-by-side next to a series of glass-door fridges containing all sorts of drinks from soda to bottled water. A buffet was to the far side of the hall, next to a pair of push doors leading to the kitchen. A few dozen members of the crew were already seated, most of them being Arxur and Humans, although she spotted a few Gojids and Harchens in the mix. Babushka Polina hobbled past them back to the kitchen while mumbling about something, a Venlil wearing an apron opening the doors to the kitchen for her before following her inside.
Everybody was chatting and socializing, dinner apparently not having been served yet. She preened her feathers nervously, scared of what would be served. Even if it wasn't a sentient, the idea of these predators tearing apart a live animal terrified her. She didn't want to be here to observe their eating practices, even if she had seen some outliers. Would they even serve anything other than meat? Sure, Song Lui had served her vegetables, but these people were very different; they had different accents, skin tones, names, clothing, and probably a different culture. She couldn't assume they would act the same as Song Lui, as it would be both foolish and unbecoming of her.
She felt Sargen's clawed paw squeeze her shoulder in a vain attempt to comfort her. "Whatever you think is going to happen, it wont. Just sit down and relax, and I promise I'll be right next to you."
Silijima took a deep breath in the vain attempt to calm down. "What will they be serving," Silijima hissed, the panic in her voice readily apparent. "I don't want to be eating meat from some carcass like a predator. I know that the predators on this ship won't eat me, but that still doesn't change the fact that they eat like predators."
Sargen just chuckled. "You really don't have a clue. Let's just go sit down, I'll introduce you to some of my coworkers before Igor gives his speech and Babushka announces the beginning of the feast."
Silijima fidgeted but relented, allowing Sargen to steer her into the dining hall and to a table with a few crew members along with a tall, white bottle containing some kind of potent and clear liquid; alcohol maybe? Their presence didn't ground her at all, rather it only made her even more anxious, but she pulled herself together and shooed Sargen away before sitting down. The largest of the humans, practically a giant in size and only a few inches shorter than Tarlim himself, looked at her and she nearly jumped out of her feathers. He was young, but still mature enough to seem jaded, and he had a mop of messy black hair that covered his dark hazel eyes. His lip was scarred, and his neck had a few nasty scars as well that reached down under his loose t-shirt and onto his chest. He was muscular and toned, reminding Silijima of a tree trunk you'd find on her homeworld, and his arms were the size of bridge cables. He was sitting in a larger chair than usual, probably because any normal chair would've seemed comically small in comparison, and probably break under his weight.
"Who's your little friend, Sargen? Is she the new blood?"
Sargen nodded. "That she is. This is Silijima, our newest hull engineer and weapons maintenance coordinator." Sargen gestured to the truly massive human gently. "Silijima, this is Haran, also known as Goliath. He's one of our assault specialists and heavy gunners."
Silijima waved meekly, and Haran nodded. "She doesn't seem too confident. Lucky for us she isn't a grunt."
Sargen scowled at Haran, obviously not happy with how he spoke about Silijima. Silijima, on the other hand, wasn't too offended; she understood she wasn't exactly confident even if she was a trained soldier.
"Haran, please try to show some respect; she's our newest crew member."
Haran shrugged. "I didn't mean to offend, just pointing out that she doesn't exactly have nerves of steel."
"No, no; it's fine," Silijima interjected. "Don't worry about it, Sargen, I know what he means." And she did. She wasn't brave at all, or at least she didn't think she was brave. Sure, she had fought before, but she was just an engineer. Her combat experience was limited to assisting the ship guard in defending the more vulnerable parts of the ship. It wasn't her job to go out of her way to be face to face with predators, and thus she wasn't used to it. In fact, that was one of the reasons why she was able to last so long inside civilian society after her temporary discharge; most of her fellow soldiers were desensitized to predator glares, a surefire symptom of predator disease, while she was merely capable of reacting in time to not be gutted by an Arxur.
Haran simply nodded. Next to him was a tall, youthful and pale-skinned human with brown hair and green eyes. He gave Silijima a friendly human snarl and a small wave. "It's good to meet you, hun, I'm Timothy."
Silijima imitated him, waving her wings nervously. "It's nice to meet you too, Timothy. What's your role on the ship?"
Timothy chuckled for a moment before responding. "Oh, me? My job's pretty boring. I'm just the quartermaster, essentially the guy who manages the ship's stores and assigns rooms."
Sargen nodded behind her. "Timothy's a good man; he helped me through some hard times and he still does from time to time."
"Yep, I try to help everyone on the ship when I can; Sargen is just special to me because he's one of my close friends." Timothy then turned his attention to Sargen, who seemed to shrink under his carefree gaze. "That reminds me, Sargen, you missed dinner last night. What's that all about?"
"I… something came up." The enormous Gojid stuttered, obviously nervous.
"Oh really? Well, we have a few days before our next assignment. You should come over tonight."
Sargen didn't seem too amused by that idea. "Timothy, you don't have to invite me over every week."
"Oh, but we do," Timothy countered. "Sargen, when you're at home on the station you subsist off of takeout and whatever junk food you pick up at the insta-mart. Me and Madison want to make sure you eat at least one healthy meal every week."
Sargen grumbled for a moment, but didn't resist causing Timothy's smile to only grow. "Good, I'll expect you to be there. Siijima ,hun, you're invited too if you want to join us. We don't serve meat at the table when our crew members join us for dinner, I promise."
Timothy's kindness shocked Silijima. Inviting someone over for dinner on Nishtal was only done for business or if the individuals in question were good friends. For Timothy to invite Silijima, a relative stranger, over for dinner showed that he truly saw her as a potential friend. "I would be honored, but I wouldn't want to intrude on whatever… this is."
Haran snorted in amusement at Silijima's synopsis of the odd relationship between Timothy and Sargen, obviously having experienced this conversation beforehand.
"Nonsense," Timothy replied, "We always make extra, and any friend of Sargen's is a friend of ours."
Silijima didn't say anything in return, but Sargen spoke in her place. "Timothy, let's just get through lunch before you start inviting people to dinner."
Timothy shrugged, a smile on his face. "I understand. Just make sure you come tonight; Gabbie misses her Goji."
Silijima had never seen a Gojid blush so deeply before. "Please don't use that name in public, it's degrading."
Timothy made a face that implied he obviously wasn't going to respect Sargen's request, causing the Gojid to fume.
To the right of Timothy was a Venlil female. She didn't wear anything except for a simple pearl necklace, but her fur was meticulously combed and groomed. She gave Silijima a soft, motherly smile, a smile that put her at ease.
"Don't mind the boys, dear, they're just acting like fools as usual. My name's Varka, one of the resident nurses under Dr. Kaczemeric." Venlil stuck out her paw, and Silijima was confused until she remembered to take Varka's hand. Varka simply giggled, obviously amused by Silijima not being used to human social norms. "It's nice to meet you too, dear. Why don't you sit down next to me? Carphano and I are probably less intimidating than our human friends."
Varka gestured to the final crew member at the table, a male Harchen with a scar across his face. He waved as well, his side facing eyes droopy and full, as if he hadn't had much sleep recently. "My name's Carphano, communications officer, nice to meet you."
Silijima sat in between them, the feeling of being amongst a group of species she was familiar with making her feel much more comfortable. Sargen and Timothy were still arguing quietly, while Haran watched with an amused look on his face. Suddenly, she heard the loud and repeated clinking of a spoon against a glass. Across the dining room, Igor stood on a podium made from inlaid mahogany, a bright snarling smile plastered on his face. "Friends! Today is a good day! In the past week, we made history!"
The entire dining hall went silent at the sound of his voice. This must be a man that commanded their respect.
"Five days ago, we returned from what may just be the greatest group liberation in Commonwealth history. Thirty two cruiser-class cattle ships were captured, their prisoners saved and their guards captured or killed. Today, the Coalition has finally given us the exact number of cattle liberated, as well as our cut of the spoils!"
The entire dining hall was dead silent, the anticipation palpable. Finally, Igor gestured to a man next to him, a shorter human with a thin brown mustache and olive skin. The man passed him a paper, which Igor opened like a giddy child receiving a birthday card. Finally, he read the contents, his snarl only growing.
"The final number of liberated cattle was… one hundred and twenty-two thousand, three hundred and seventy four; the largest liberation in history."
The entire room broke into cheers, aliens of all races holding each other and yelling. It was pandemonium, but Silijima couldn't help but join the crowd, both the news and her herd instincts causing her to join in with triumphant squawks. The idea of saving over a hundred thousand sentients from slavery was so incredible that it invoked a euphoria inside of her that she hadn't felt for a long time.
Igor gestured for the crowd to quiet down, and as they did so he spoke up again. "We must remember, however, that this was not only our doing. We must congratulate our comrades who assisted us, all seven ships, their crews and captains, as well as mourn those who were lost while fighting for the freedom of others." With that statement, Igor held up a small glass of the clear liquid, as did many of the crew members. Then, he shouted at the top of his lungs "mortem tyrannis et oppressoribus!" Before downing the liquid in a few gulps and slamming the glass onto the podium with a loud thump. The rest of the crew followed suit, the largest arxur to the tiniest dossur drinking and shouting the motto Igor had proclaimed. Silijima didn't have a glass, so she just watched expectantly, waiting for Igor to continue.
"Now, for the part all of you have been waiting for; payroll. Even after the Coalition took their cut, and we split the profit eight ways, we made out like bandits. Needless to say, you'll all be getting the maximum bonus on top of your commissions."
More cheering, even louder this time. Silijima didn't blame them; Igor seemed like a good boss if he was giving out the maximum bonus for a job well done. Even Sargen had a bright smile on his face, as if he was already planning on what he was going to spend the money on.
"And finally, our future work; we won't be taking part in any liberation fleets any time soon. Instead, the Coalition sees fit to assign us on a defensive rotation, so it should be a calm few weeks. This means that if you've been on a few back to back missions, you should go home and rest for the month. Spend time with your family, or vacation planetside for all I care; God knows you all need it after our last victory. The rest of you; be prepared to take off on Friday and be space-born for at least a week at a time. And be prepared for a fight; NeoSec has detected a small Farsul fleet in the area, at least five thousand ships. Nothing cataclysmic, mind you, but still a worthy challenge."
There was murmuring now, people discussing the change of pace and whether they liked it or not. From the corner of her eye, she saw Sargen practically pouting, arms crossed and eyes refusing to make contact with Timothy's. Timothy, to his credit, seemed very pleased with himself.
"So hun, what brings you to our little slice of chaos?" Asked Timothy, eyes twinkling. He took another sip of his drink, a bottle of soda so green it almost looked radioactive. He seemed really nice, like a preacher, but without any of the feelings of hesitation she'd get from speaking to one. He lightly tapped the wedding band on his ring finger against the neck of the green glass bottle, causing it to make light clicking noises.
"I uhh… I wanted to get away from Nishtal. Too much is going on there for me to be comfortable with."
Timothy nodded. "That explains why you came to the Commonwealth, but not why you decided to become a Corsair. It's not an easy life, you know."
Silijima pondered his query for a second before responding. "Military life is all I know. When I finished secondary school I joined the navy because I had nothing better to do, but now that I'm out I can't imagine any other life. Sure, it's hard, and especially dangerous, but without that certainty and structure that I get from being on a warship, I feel lost."
Timothy nodded, his face becoming a little somber. "I understand that feeling. I'm ex-military, although I didn't see much combat. Getting out is the hardest thing I've ever done, although I'm pretty sure I never really left the service, I just changed who I served."
Silijima nodded. "It's refreshing to talk to someone who understands. That life… it changes you, and not for the better. Everyone at home, well, they're scared of me, they say I'm diseased and it's a matter of time before they throw me into some clinic where they drug and shock me until my brain melts. Even the people I served with, if they weren't already taken away for 'treatment' then they're too terrified to say anything because we don't know who we can trust."
For the first time since she had met him, Timothy didn't seem amused or amicable. He had a deep frown on his face and his eyebrows were bent downwards, an expression she had been told meant anger. She backed away a little, but he held up his hand. "I'm not mad at you, it's just the idea of an entire society treating those who risk their lives to protect them like dirt is despicable. On earth, we celebrate our heroes, not vilify them."
Silijima nodded. "In a perfect world maybe, but I'm used to it."
"But that's the problem; you shouldn't have had to live like that, in fear of the same people you swore to protect… it's not right."
"Maybe, but what's done is done. I left Nishtal and now I'm here, so maybe I can experience that respect for once."
"You don't have to hope, because I know you will. The people here are different, even the former feds, you'll see."
And with that uplifting though, dinner began. Polina and her assistants, two Venlil and a Sikvit, rolled out massive wheeled tables filled to the brim with different steaming pots, pans and bowls containing all kinds of food. To her dismay, there was meat on the table, but there was also a section entirely dedicated to vegetarian dishes, and it was even longer than the table dedicated to meat.
Some of the naval staff ran up to help, with Polina shooing them away stubbornly. They simply ignored her and helped anyway, rolling the tables to the far wall next to the kitchen. Soon, a massive feast was gathered, with over two dozen tables of all sorts of human delicacies.
The crew quickly made their way to the tables, forming lines at each. Plates, bowls and cups were passed out by the kitchen staff, and soon people began piling their plates high with all sorts of food. Sargen had two whole bowls of what seemed to be a deep red colored stew, which she first foolishly assumed was blood, but quickly realized was just the liquid taking on the red color of the beets and cabbage. Timothy had a bowl of hearty cabbage stew that she had learned was called Schi and a shallow plate of small, ear-shaped dumplings on the side called Pelmeni, swimming in a fragrant broth and topped with a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkling of black pepper. There were other dishes, so many that Silijima couldn't count them all, but she was introduced to many of them by Timothy when he led her up there to get her a plate. There was all sorts of vegetarian dishes for her to try, ranging from cold soups like Svekolnik, Okroshka and Botvinyah, all sorts of salads with based on salted pickles and beetroots, several variations of hot soups like Schi and Borscht, Vareniki dumplings, farmers cheese shaped into cakes and shallow fried and so much more. Timothy insisted on making sure she got her fill, so he made her plate for her, filling her a bowl of Svekolnik and some Vareniki dumplings on the side with Smetana and black pepper. Only then did he let her sit down, after he quickly said grace, of course. Silijima didn't know what saying grace meant exactly, but she guessed that it involved them thanking their strange human God for their food, which felt anything but predatory.
Timothy took a bite of his Pelmeni. "So, how're you liking the station so far? Anything peak your interest?"
Silijima chuckled. "Everything, actually. This place is so unique and alien compared to anything in the Federation; it makes me think about what my species would be like if the Federation hadn't erased our old culture."
Timothy gave her a small smile, but she could tell he was troubled. "And you don't mourn for that lost culture?"
Silijima paused, thinking about his question. "I suppose I do sometimes. The idea of us being freer and less… inane with our thinking really strikes me as a wonderful change of pace. I could never see myself as an omnivore… no offense!"
But Timothy wasn't offended. "I don't blame you for not suddenly being enamored with omnivore; the same happened with cloned meat on earth. A bunch of elites tried to make cloned meat the rule and not the exception through all sorts of government restrictions and subsidization schemes. All these rich influencers and wealthy magnates who can still afford to buy the real thing, and still do to this day mind you, told us how we were supposed to live and what we were supposed to do, that we were supposed to sacrifice while they enjoyed every luxury imaginable. To this day it doesn't sit well with a lot of people on the station."
Suddenly, Silijima's mouth dried up and her appetite disappeared. "You guys don't clone meat here?"
Timothy shook his head. "Nope, not a single pound. In fact, it's been lawfully and democratically voted into illegality by the citizens of the station, to protect our cattle farmers planetside. Most humans on earth aren't vegan and vegetarian by choice; it's really expensive to buy meat because of meat cloning, and that was before the war and the deals with the Arxur. Now you have to be vegan because of the massive decrease in available cattle. That doesn't stop the rich from eating their fill though."
Silijima looked away, internal disgust battling moral indecision. On one hand, the idea of eating live cattle was far more disgusting to her than cloned meat, but on the other hand she understood his metaphor clear as day; it was about the Commonwealth and the Federation. "You support cattle farming not because it's better, but because it benefits humans more."
"It's not about 'you' or 'me', Silijima, it's about 'us' and 'them'. At the end of the day, a government is supposed to represent everyone and see to their requests, not what the government thinks they need or want. That also means everyone should be equal under that representation, and not that the rich and wealthy should receive all the attention and benefits while the lives of you and I get harder and harder. Sadly, people had to learn the hard way that when you give governments the right and the power to provide you with everything, suddenly they provide you with nothing. Medical care, for example, started out as a right after the satellite wars. It quickly became a privilege for the 'good citizens' who voted the right way, and said the right things, and if you didn't suddenly you got a bill in the mail for hundreds of thousands of dollars for your daughter's chemotherapy, stating that you had waived your right to state-sponsored medical care the moment you chose to practice your right to free speech in a way that was deemed unsavory by the UN." Timothy looked straight at her, his eyes boring into her soul, and she quickly realized that he was speaking from experience.
"What are you getting at," Silijima stated hastily, nervous over Timothy's sudden change in tone.
"What I'm getting at, Silijima," he stated, his eyes downcast as he ate another dumpling, "Is that rights shouldn't come with caveats. Just like you shouldn't be punished for coming back a changed woman after you dutifully served your people, I shouldn't have my daughter used against me for practicing what should be a universal right. Unchecked power is a cancer, and the Commonwealth was created to prevent that from ever coming into being."
Silijima mulled over what he said. Would humans really do that to each other in the name of power? Deprive each other of basic rights? Silijima was used to the Federation deceiving her people, but what punches had humanity pulled in the name of retaining power.
"Timothy, if I may ask, what is humanity really like?"
Timothy chuckled. "What made you think I implied we were any different from what the UN had shown you?"
"The reveal of my species' former omnivory, and your statement about caveats and free speech. You made it sound like humanity was hiding something."
Timothy sighed, obviously weary. "It isn't humanity that's hiding anything, Silijima; it's the UN. They want you to think that they were all these wonderful, misunderstood balls of cloud fluff. In reality we're assholes. We hate each other with a passion and we're not afraid to show it. War, racism, misogyny and misandry, prejudice; we'll find a way to hate each other even if it's impractical because we need some great enemy to battle or otherwise we'll start asking questions, questions that will be of a detriment to the UN. The rich and powerful used this for a long time to make us forget we were fighting a class war and not a culture war. They made us enemies of each other because of how strong our convictions could be."
Silijima's heart sank. She had guessed as much.
But Timothy wasn't done. "Before you start judging us too harshly, I'd like to add that the pendulum swings both ways. Humans, we often hate each other, but we can be even more passionate. We live, we love, and we protect those who dedicate themselves to our cause with a fury like no other. And even though we have problems with our many differences, we are equally able to see beyond it when the reality of how petty it is is presented to us. And to me, Silijima, you aren't a Krakotl; you're family, and there's no bond stronger than family."
Silijima considered whether she liked that or not. Then she realized that her standards had been far surpassed. These strange primates had been everything she hoped for and more. She figured she could pull a human and looked past their differences from now on.
"I'd like that," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'd like that very much."
Timothy smiled again, that bright, mischievous smile, and for once she wasn't alarmed or frightened. She was comforted. "I'm glad you do. But there's something else I wanted to tell you. There's a city from my old nation, and at the entrance of that city stands a great statue. Most of it was obliterated during the bombing, but one piece remained; the plaque. It read as followed;"
Then Timothy spoke poetry that reached into Silijima's soul, and her tears became unbearable. She cried as he spoke it, as if they were the words she wished to hear all her life, a promise that could set her free.
"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”"
"We took the plaque with us when we fled, I helped carry it myself," Timothy said, a shadow of a smile formed on his lips, as if he was reminiscing the moment, "they're still demanding it back to this day, which is why we welded it to the wall behind the seats of our council chambers; the UN doesn't deserve it back, they lost the right to speak those words long ago. But the message is universal; you are welcome here, as is your family, and you will not be silenced or suppressed. We want you at your best, and we are willing to deal with your worst. All we ask is that you have an open mind, and do the same for us."
Silijima nodded, tears streaming from her eyes. "I can do that."
Timothy's smile grew even brighter, and he wrapped his arm around Sargen's shoulder, pulling him in close. "Then I'm sure me and my family would gladly welcome you, isn't that right Sargen?"
"Hmmmkmfh?" Sargen said, confused and with his mouth full of borscht. Silijima laughed, and for the first time in years the stress that had built up in her chest was gone. She was free. She was where she belonged.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm back. This is officially the end of the first Gunbirb Saga. I won't be focusing on Silijima for a while because I'll be focusing on other places, and other topics. The Galaxy of Interloper is even bigger than the standard NOP galaxy, and I've got so much to show you (;
I posted the first chapter of the next Part prematurely: that was a mistake on my part but I was dying to write more about Dojur and his consolidation of power. The next five or so chapters will be of a very different tone than the first five, much darker but also filled to the brim with Arxur and Dominion worldbuilding about culture, religion and daily life.
If you like what I've written so far, and you like my terrible writing and my inane worldbuilding, go check out other stories that I've written:
Waking Dreams: An insane pokemon/bleach crossover, and my first real attempt at writing something. It's a long story that's nowhere near finished, and it's got the deep worldbuilding that I'm not really known for [:
The Spider's Stronghold: Another insane fanfic crossover between Pathfinder and PJO, primarily Jason-centric. Take that as you will.
I also just wanted to thank everyone who either helped with this story or gave me support in the form of art (That would be u/BushBacon69 ) Or simply taking the time to comment ( u/A_Tank_With_Internet, u/AcceptableEgg5560, u/bltsrgewd, u/WonderfulMagpie, u/se05239, and others.) Thank you all; without the motivation you all have given me, I wouldn't have finished this fic.

The sub's rules ensure no YouTube self-promo is allowed, so I'm going to rewrite my script because I've recently finished A Machine for Pigs and have a lot to say 🐷
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ALSO, WARNING: SPOILERS! 🛑
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The first point I'd love to touch on is the story itself. Madnus' story, just like Daniel's, make me feel resent for them due to their actions. I mean Madnus murdered his own children and then proceeded to turn innocent people into pig servants that would help shape a better 20th century. The difference is, while Daniel committed his atrocities to help ensure he would continue to live (which obviously makes sense, but can still be seen as unethical because he's just one person compared to the many he killed). Madnus was in a daze by the orb he interacted with and deadass thought that the 20th century was Satan himself and his invention (the machine) helping pump out loyal servants that could try to make the 1900's a better place. He also sacrificed innocents as well in turning them to pig monsters again their will, but he had more than just himself in mind when doing this. Even though what he did was shitty, his orb possessed daze self still had the greater good of mankind first. And yeah he kinda maybe murdered his kids, but he did so for "their own good." He didn't want them to live through the hellish visions he just saw, so he took pity on them and set them free. There's a lot of stuff throughout the story to go through but to be honest I'm sure you've either probably played and game and know or have watched someone play the game.
Now, my main issue with the story is how it is handed to you. It's no secret AMFP is a walking simulator. And on top of this, the game is extremely short with only about 4ish hours of gameplay (this is due to is previously being a DLC for TDD but was turned into its own game) That said, if you're not walking in this game, you're more than likely reading. Almost all of the information about this game is given to you in notes both picked up and through your journal. So if you're only able to maybe spend 15-20 minutes after work or cooking dinner or something for quick play session, you may easily get bored because if you're not walking around you're reading.
The ending of the game is also superrr rushed. About two thirds into the story (climax I guess), you obviously undo your pervious sabotage and fix the heart of the machine, find out you were betrayed, find out you killed your kids, "run and hide" from pig monsters in the streets of London, return back down to the machine, sabotage it one final time but this time finishing it off for good, then committing death. All of that happens within the last 25-30 minutes of the game. WHERE WAS ALL THIS ACTION FOR THE OTHER 3 & A HALF HOURS OF GAMEPLAY!!!! I feel like they throw so much at you in the last portion of the game it's so hard to fully take in because you spent so much of the game mindlessly reading notes and walking around.
Now... we have the pig monsters.. They look the part but don't play the part.. I can count maybe 5 or 6 true instances where you are being chased and are in real danger of being killed by a monster. The rest of the game, they are used as simple jumpscares scurrying on past you and are no actual real danger to you. They may be frightening at first, but once you realize they're just jumpscares and not actually chasing you, you can continue on with the walking you were doing beforehand. They're also kinda buggy with the detection being wonky, and they can be easily outrunned.
Since this game was developed by The Chinese Room and not Frictional Games, gameplay is very different (and worse). They've scrapped the inventory system, health status, sanity function, oil, tinder boxes, puzzle items. Pretty much any SURVIVAL aspect of a survival horror game. Puzzles in this game consist of you flipping a switch, turning a valve, or inserting a fuse into a fuse box.. so NO need for puzzle items & you have unlimited lamp light so NO need for tinder boxes and oil which means no need for an inventory. In the odd chance you do get damaged (probably from fall damage and not a monster), you can simply regen health so no need for Laudanum potions (had to look up the name for that one). And sanity being gone in this game just makes no sense.. I could go on an entire rant about this one, but I won't. To keep it short, it added so much to the first game. Having to manage your light to keep your sanity high while trying to not peek at passing by monsters added so much and it sucks its gone in this game.
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So, obviously after all of that it's probably obvious AMFP isn't my favorite game in the whole world lol. It seems like a good entry game for people wanting to try horror but don't want to fully commit, and that is completely okay. It's just as someone who played through TDD recently and was excited to see what this game had improved upon (going in blindly as well) I was very disappointed. Other than the plot, everything else was a downgrade IMO.
That said feel free to lemme know what you think about my review. As of writing this I've completed The Dark Descent & A Machine for Pigs and am currently playing through The Bunker. After I finish that (if I'm even able to lol), I'll more than likely try Rebirth. I'd love to know your own personal thoughts on the game, but feel free to also let me know some points I may have missed in my review. I only just completed the game last week and haven't gone into super duper depth with the storyline (other than what I learned while playing), so let me know if I got anything plot wise wrong.

Hello everyone. I (29M) am auditing the trauma-laden relationship with my DID wife (29F) after another bout of unwanted cheating. We are hypermonogamists. To us, infidelity is a sacrilegious violation of Love. Alas, my wife has Dissociative Identity Disorder and some alters are hellbent on reenacting trauma with abuser substitutes. Yes, the DID is diagnosed by a trauma specialist, not Dr. Google. To differentiate from her alters, I will refer to Her True Self as Wifey.
I tracked the cheating history by writing this behemoth of a post and did my best to connect dots between childhood trauma and modern consequences. I hope that the community’s outside perspectives can spot things to which we are still blind, provide advice, or give any input that might aid our situation. All opinions welcome. I will access them carefully.
Please note that I have a Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style, and my psychologist noted C-PTSD. I also have DID but unlike my wife, I worked long enough to achieve co-consciousness, internal cooperation, and current dormancy in my alters. My True Self is finally in command. We ran out of therapy money before my wife could address her own issues, hence online communities are our last resort until savings build up again.
OUR TRAUMATIC CHILDHOOD ORIGINS
I was raised and abused by my narcissist grandmother for 25 years due to her orchestrating a rift between Mom and I (topic for another post). Her 16yo son aka my uncle sexually abused both my wife and I from infancy. In my case he had daily access. For my wife, it was because our fathers and my uncle were a trio of scum.
Despite the uncle link, I didn’t meet Wifey till age 3. She was dancing under a sprinkler and noticed my stare. Lightning hit us the second our eyes met and we breathlessly ran over to announce the mutual BOOM. After that, we were inseparable. At age 4 I proposed, she agreed, and we shared our first kiss. Adorable? No. We didn’t know how to be kids—due to sex abuse and grandma teaching us adult concepts, we related as boyfriend-girlfriend way too early and began playing the game ‘naked stuff’. Nothing beyond this first connection is purely innocent.
Soon after our romantic friendship started, my wife was groomed into nightly ‘special love’ with my uncle, laying a foundation of unfaithfulness towards me. When the ‘other boyfriend’ dumped her at 6, infatuation spiked and led to 9 years of cartwheels to regain his desire. Between that and my grandmother worshipping him, I competed for both women’s hearts by copying uncle into synonymity. I even used his playlists for dates and sex, believing that I am only worthy of love if I *am* him.
During and after my uncle’s abuse, my wife’s pedo father raped her too. I am loathed to call this BDSM given that he never abided by Safe, Sane, Consensual, but what he inflicted *is* BDSM activity. By age 5, he was trafficking his daughter and forced me to watch the rapes plus participate in sadism until I started doing it of my own accord. I was taught that boys are supposed to do this to girls, because they are girls. I didn’t know vanilla sex exists till age 11, at which point we finally shared positive intimacy—this formed the bedrock of what we are striving to build in adulthood. Alas, the learned fetishes persisted for years.
Meanwhile, my narcissist grandmother tormented me daily and brainwashed my wife to mimic her opinions, mannerisms, approaches, etc., thereby producing a mini-me alter and adding layers to our trauma bond. That alter learned toxic views on women (they exist to serve men) and pro-adultery, as the Narc preyed on committed guys for the fun of causing break-ups, obtained her husband by homewrecking, and caught a married lover long before grandpa died. As teens we were actually ghostwriters and phone sex assistants for that affair, obstructing critical stages in our own relationship.
Throughout this, Love existed. No one but her made me feel Loved, Seen, Heard, Safe, Certain. Moreover, me and Wifey expressed authentically only to each other, providing an oasis for Our True Selves to develop untarnished. We mutually soothed our demons, inspired creativity, and entertained one another. Teen Wifey also proved my angel. She endured hell to guide me out of darkness and prevented suicide attempts. Without her, I would be in prison or dead. At 23 we married in hopes of becoming wholesome and slowly inched toward that goal.
For Wifey’s wellbeing, I spent 2015-2022 deprogramming my BDSM porn addiction, fetishes, and toxic attitudes about women. Only last year I comprehended healthy relationships in concept. I think it is a beautiful way to live but it unnerves me as well. We also realized that vanilla D/s is our true preference, and we are highly compatible as a team. There is potential for absolute Paradise, but many issues still need to be overcome (communication struggles, ignoring Wifey for eons while she waits for me to interact again, etc.). The infidelity is my current focus. Here goes the trauma-fuelled history of online cheating.
AN UNCLE SUBSTITUTE EXPLOITS HER
Wifey has 7 alters. Some self-harm, some climb out windows, some rabidly scratch me or shriek enough for police to arrive, but the most annoying is that 9yo girl imprinted on my uncle. She always pines to get him back—which she finally did, in proxy form: AP1 (Affair Partner 1).
May 19th, 2022, my wife met a 31yo ‘virgin’ on Facebook who sucked her in via sob stories. While extracting info on her alters and rapes, AP1 made her a sex-ed teacher. Her confidence flourished. I had no concerns given my rock-solid trust in Wifey. Little did I know the 9yo alter was having an emotional affair of unrequited ‘love’. AP1’s eerie similitude in looks / job / zodiac / vibe / pedo streak made him an ideal projection, especially given how much Uncle 2.0 lavished the alter. He was her dream come true. Looking back, I invited this situation by depriving Wifey of attention for too long. She needs regular interaction with me to stay Her True Self.
Anyways, Wifey believed the hours spent texting / on the phone were recharging her desire for ‘me’. We were yet to understand that ‘me’ meant ‘uncle’, as the two were blended. I started feeling off, but kept trusting her. After all, she had befriended two FB guys in 2021 who stayed platonic (only now we recognize them as lighter emotional affairs). Besides, grandma taught me that getting randomly sidelined or devalued is ‘just the way things are’.
After 3 weeks of grooming, AP1 triggered my wife, fully infiltrating her subconscious. She fearfully hid from him for 2 days, then tried to end the friendship on June 8th. AP1 derailed the goodbye into engaging topics, followed by traumatic content that methodically wore her down into an aroused trance. Once he hit the trigger jackpot, her alter seized control and delved into 6 hours of abuse reenactment sexting, audio clips, nudes, unholy “I love yous”, etc. while Wifey’s undercurrent of extreme stress induced miniature heart attacks—this caused permanent damage. Once Wifey woke up and saw what transpired, a female FB friend moved mountains to prevent her guilt-ridden suicide. She desperately wanted to die.
Later, I walked into the room expecting nothing unusual. Instead, tear-stricken wife fell to her knees, grabbed my leg and frantically confessed sexting, giving away our gif collection and using terms sacred to us. The heartbreak annihilated me. While consoling her, I struggled to swallow reality: the ONE PERSON I thought would never break my trust, just shattered it. Another dude just *stole MY wife*. Long before I learned that my old rival (uncle) was the motive, I felt triggered.
Many talks / meltdowns ensued between us and Mom. 48 hours later, the alter cheated again (June 10th) while we thought Wifey was snoozing. AP1 had unlocked an oil spill of traumatic arousal, hence it took seconds to induce the marathon, this time centred on BDSM. AP1 then instructed the alter to give him first dibs every day—the Husband can only get sloppy seconds. Once he left, she ran over to Mom announcing that her boyfriend is going to marry her (old fantasy about my uncle) in a jarringly American voice (Wifey is Francophone). This unmasked DID as the cheating engine and introduced us to a previously-unknown alter.
Once awake, Wifey plunged into catatonic shock and depression. We all supported Wifey grieving AP1’s sick exploitation and processing why she succumbed. I never got a chance to focus on myself amid the revolutionary insights, plus Mom and I kept scrambling to stop that alter before she obeyed the “sext me daily” command that would only retraumatize her further. We also discovered AP1 is a predator who targets mentally-ill wives in addition to little girls. That vulture has a thing for the most vulnerable forbidden fruit.
Realizing the insidious influence made Wifey hyperfocus on Our Marriage. She was outraged that AP1 dared invade us and texted him revocations of love, condemnations for “raping her while drunk” and tried to hammer the sanctity of Marriage into his snide mug. We banded together against my uncle’s spectre and felt in-tune as a couple. Therapy sessions were scheduled. Had this continued, Our Love would be detoxed and stronger than ever. Alas, a parasitic distraction sapped its power 6 days later.
GRANDMOTHER TRAUMA BOND INTERFERES
My wife kept shutting down during intimacy due to intrusive memories of AP1, plus an urge to blot out the existence of non-abusive sex. Her alters were clinging to my uncle’s ‘style’. She quickly realized that AP1 had stained sex and rendered her numb to me. She was distraught.
When my wife sought advice on June 16th, 2022, her friend (also abused) nabbed the chance to confess a bewildering lesbian crush. This shock activated the trauma bond with my grandmother and prompted another alter affair. She declared that a bit of lesbianism will cure our intimacy problem. At first, I laughed it off. Then therapy was cancelled, my savings were spent on gifts, and I realized that my wife’s #heart# was stolen in addition to sex drive. A Facebook woman had burglarized my one remaining stronghold.
Given how romantic it was, I felt replaced, invisible, abandoned (childhood themes). It sliced and diced me, particularly since my wife blinded herself to my pain no matter how I pushed her to see it (grandmother theme). My wife cried that she wants us both and can’t choose—no wonder, since she was unknowingly reliving a childhood scenario where emotional incest with my grandmother accompanied and influenced Our Love.
I was clueless about this. To me, it seemed a heart-crushing romantic affair. Being a hypermonogamist forced into polyamory is indescribable. On June 23rd, I ranted at AP2 for stealing the Love of My Life and decided on suicide even if I’m hellbound—Heaven means nothing sans my wife. Panicked AP2 called the cops. Mom convinced the officers that it was a false alarm, knowing that I would try to get shot. Wifey was unrecognizably hollow while comforting me. I fell asleep in bitter tears, her hand numbly wiping them away.
My bitterness began erupting while teary wife insisted this is a mission. She swore to end the affair as soon as she solves the ‘mysteries of sudden lesbianism’. I refused to support it. Our fights incited a fullblown manifestation of my AFib and worsened heart issues for my wife. Daily vomiting turned her into skin-and-bones. We nearly died, which would have caused the suicide of My Mom and AP2. Poor Mom already suffered intense health issues from this affair. She adores us both. Our vitriol devastated her.
Eventually I put my wife’s happiness above my own and let her go: if she is meant to come back to me, she will. I spent another month in living death. Surprisingly, Wife kept her promise. She discovered that the emotional incest with mother figures in both her and AP2 caused them to ‘fall in love’. The alters tied to my grandmother lost their grip, the affair ended (August 13th), and Love for me flooded back.
Wifey returned a matured woman: more Self-Aware, rational, and opposed to adultery than ever. I fell in Love with her vibrancy. Meanwhile, AP2 became our mutual best friend, an invaluable source of epiphanies for my healing too, and the biggest supporter of Our Love. Turns out that we all share near-identical trauma plus share common interests. As a result, I felt gratitude for this affair. Short-term suffering reaped long-term blessings.
A STRAINED AFTERMATH
AP1 continued to highjack our sex life. The conscious resurrection of my uncle in my wife’s psyche permanently split him and I into two men and revealed the sexual imprint. Between bringing that into her awareness and the various desecrations, AP1 vandalized her. Damn the timing! We were on the verge of a sex life free from trauma!
We lived in tension despite Loving efforts, and I struggled to overcome the sense that my mate is tainted. I put the bedroom on hold until these stains were purified, and figured it was best not to impose myself until the alter stops craving Uncle 2.0. For months I patrolled my turf obsessively while screaming inside. Did my best to remember that Wifey never betrayed me—these are only echoes of the past wrecking havoc in modern day.
TRANSCENDING THE CHEATING
Fast forward a year since the two affairs. I was working on Self-development and finally grieving my grandmother trauma. My wife started reflecting deeper on infidelity and had epiphanies:

1. Everything that she finds attractive and attributed to my uncle belongs to me (e.g., *I’m* the analytical nerdy poet surrounded by books—he’s the robotic, stuffy tech fanatic).
2. I am her real dreamboat, projected onto the pedo worshipped by her idol (my grandmother) instead of vice versa. She actually Loves me MORE as I gain authenticity.

AP1 displacing me as the substitute proved a vital liberation. My wife gained clarity because he took the entire uncle projection onto himself. That also made me shed residual mimicry. Her sex alters went dormant and True Wife was eager to rediscover Her Husband directly.
During Our Anniversary (mid-April), True Wife was a trembling ball of remorse and begged for an impromptu vow renewal. Her turn was a meltdown of apologies and fervent promises to never forsake Our Love again. She convinced me of her redemption, especially after rejecting FB dudes in her inbox while posting wishes to me. Hope was rebuilt. We seemed en route to healing. One problem: we still didn’t have sex.
ABUSER CONDITIONING RETALIATES
Avoiding sex since the cheatings was incredibly stupid. I didn’t realize that her alters, though dormant, felt owned by my uncle because I never reclaimed her. AP1 factory-reset my wife’s sexuality. The healthy things needed reinstallation before it was safe for her to face old trauma. My failure to do that made alters restless and our reconciliation was seen as a challenge to her fortified abuse programming. This was the worst time for my wife to post in a rape support sub.
In minutes the DM creeps descended and my wife met a pedophile whose way of abusing little girls woke the alters. My wife was in denial about the risk and texted me: “The affairs revealed truth about my alters and abuse. This man too. I gain awareness about my trauma as I tell it to him and understand more why pedophiles hurt us. I shall make sure it does not get personal. It is not a real affair. I am just researching.”
My heart was pounding but I tried to trust that she will stay within (barely tolerable) boundaries. NOPE. A mere 38 days after vowing never to betray me, her alter pleaded the pedophile to describe what *he* would do to 6-year old *her*. He whet her appetite with a partially-fulfilling fantasy before ghosting. Wifey entered a bizarre state of autopilot.
Inexplicably, she contacted a BDSM Redditor who is a known sanity risk, solicited him for sexting, then prayed for him not to respond. When he did, she felt scared shitless and obligated to describe her old tortures (as he commanded). The guy proceeded to demolish my wife’s barriers until she started craving her father’s tortures. The moment she called him “Master”, it was over for me.
I shut down and observed the trainwreck, feeling no sympathy. My wife invited all this shit and made a conscious choice to engage instead of block. I was dejectedly amused listening to the circus: “This is just research, I learn my mind by interacting with bad men—OMG OMG I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN SURVIVE THIS FILTH! I WANT ONLY YOU! Oh, another client needs my trauma for pleasure! Got to go!”
I felt too drained to realize that her unhinged sexting spree was stirring my trauma. Another oversight.
THE RIDE THROUGH OLD HELL
From May 27-28th, her alter became a snowball down Mt. Everest and the avalanche pulled me under. DM perverts verbally raped my wife while she took explicit photos right next to me in bed. Against all expectation, these e-rapes catapulted me back to boyhood: helpless to intervene, and too horrified to close my eyes. Taking away the phone didn’t cross my mind, nor could I. My body was paralyzed and eerily, I lost the ability to make sound. Seems that I contain significantly more trauma programming than anticipated. I resent my wife for subjecting me to this oppressive hell even more than I resent the cheating itself.
As if going down ‘memory lane’ wasn’t enough, possessed wife also channelled my grandmother. She would look at my tears and emit her sadistic CACKLE. Once I merged the two women, I was screwed. My trauma program dictates that I must endure whatever grandma wants; this includes watching her affair unfold.
As the ultimate insult, my wife spent the last 12 hours building an emotional affair on Reddit while I prayed for sleep. By dawn, her alter declared him a potential ‘boyfriend’. In her deluded head, the sexting arranged for nightfall would cure the rest through ultimate satisfaction plus bring True Wife back to Our Love, as this guy made her feel that “I am with you, not your uncle. Like *you* finally feel real.” The nonsensicality made me short-circuit. I was DONE.
INSANITY SLAMS TO A HALT
That afternoon, she finally jolted out of the binge-sexting. How? Wifey noticed my distress, 5 days too late. I watched her first comprehend that this is hurting me, then struggle to reset consciousness, then remember that Love exists. She did a 180 on her ‘client’ and viciously berated his perversion. That helped her regain footing.
My jittery wife proceeded to apologize, freak about the explicit photos, and spiral into a suicidal state over betraying me again. She erratically cancelled every sexting appointment, shut off the DMs, and spent days begging Divinity for help. We avoided each other.
In our first talk, Wifey confessed that she fears herself, as only her housebound life prevents physical cheating. While she wants nothing more than to be pure, her alters are begging for more due to trauma bonds. Wifey described it as: “Insatiable rocket blocked by a moral fence and waiting for release to zoom again.” Needless to say I was embittered.
REFLECTING ON THE AFTERMATH
While analyzing recent events, I realized something: my wife didn’t run to that BDSM sadist of her own volition. An elusive alter had taken the wheel: the brothel Madame who pulls my wife into prostitution re-enactments. No wonder she was cackling! It’s the alter’s trademark, based on my grandmother! That damn Narc used to say that it’s bad to deprive other men and let the body go to waste on one Husband. *No wonder* a vow renewal pissed off that alter! Now Wifey-on-autopilot made sense.
Wifey was stunned at the revelation and had a glitch (outraged cackles, whimpers, shudders) that confirmed its truth. She never knew this freaky alter steers her from behind the scenes. Took her awhile to digest the disturbing paradigm shift.
Interestingly, she later texted: “That alter does not excuse my choice to chat with a pedophile right after another creep showed me how vulnerable I am. I have ultimate responsibility even if later choices were not mine.”
I asked if that choice was really her own. She replied: “I think so, because he introduced himself as a retired counsellor. I never expected he was a pedophile and when he mentioned it, I should have been proactive about risks continuing such a topic with any man.”
I avoided her again and tried to pinpoint my feelings (still a struggle). No matter how blatantly I see the nymphomaniac is not Her True Self, the serial breakage of trust is making me relinquish hope, care, and concern. The more I sink into numbness, the less I care who is culpable. The whole Wifey & Co. feel ruined. I know it is very unfair to shun Wifey for sins committed in a trauma trance. DID is involuntary. Yet, her issues are a jinx now that I am surpassing our old life. The very toxicities Wifey healed in me remain her alters’ addiction. Now they’re in nasty withdrawal, desperate for any ‘drug’.
For the first time ever, divorce is drifting through my thoughts. I keep wondering, do I treat these events as a growth opportunity for her, or grounds for divorce? I want to reconcile, but should I? I’m burned out. She’s constant trouble. I feel ready to bail. And honestly, I feel unsafe.
Like my grandmother, my wife let me fly again before shooting me down. I barely began grieving narcissistic abuses and am scared of her containing grandma energy. The no-contact I implemented seems pointless—that Narc lives in my wife anyways. She even has the same power to crush me to dust, only stronger. My wife is my biggest weakness. I abhor weakness, thus I am abhorring her. I also detest the oppression of tiptoeing, compromising, and obliging alter whims at the expense of serious plans—JUST LIKE WITH MY GRANDMOTHER.
Then again, I can’t fathom living after a divorce. Wifey loves Celine Dion and we are the epitome of that duet I Hate You Then I Love You. The lyrics “It’s impossible to live *with you*, but I could never live *without you*, for whatever you do, I never never never want to be in Love with anyone but *you*” still rings true.
The Spouse Slot in my heart was formed in my wife’s shape and for her Essence alone. I can’t accept any other. If I was the dead guy in What Dreams May Come (one of our favourite films), I would definitely traverse the afterlife to save my wife no matter how broken she is. Existence in any world is meaningless without her.
We overcame worse hells than cheating. Why would I abandon Wifey when she is in desperate need of protection!? We live by the quote: “A perfect marriage is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.” In my belief, we are Twin Flames, and Wifey is definitely my Ideal Woman: demure, dreamy, melancholic, full of mischief and poetry. She saved my life. She redeemed me. We are supposed to grow old and go to Eternity together. Why would I give up on a lifelong mate over trauma!?
It seems that I am losing interest. This necrosis spurs the desire to amputate, while the increasing loss of exclusivity is repellent. For years I unquestioningly believed that she’s *incapable* of desiring anyone but me. Now my ownership feels diluted, invalidated, defeated. Several guy’s marks are all over her and nothing scrubs them off. Her intrusive memories of affairs even obstruct our intimacy!!!!! It is slammed into my face constantly—she is no longer ONLY MINE. That triggers a kneejerk aversion to others’ territory, which she now is.
After decades of impassioned Gomez & Morticia-style romance, I have no clue if I even Love her anymore. Something feels extinguished between us. There is a loss of respect—for the first time, my wife’s worth has fallen in my eyes. I saw her defile every renewed vow. It’s burned into me: she is substandard. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My beloved is suffering. Why am I on the verge of abandoning her!?
MY WIFE’S PERSPECTIVE
Wifey insists that she deserves patience as she tackles her trauma. Is Wifey right? I am going to copy/paste that text message from her here. Only fair to include both sides.
“Mon Amour, before you sink too deep with ghastly divorce ideas, may I please remind you one thing? I had infinite patience while you wrestled with your demons…I sacrificed myself to my depths for your healing and stayed even when I should have fled. You bemoan loss of trust online while I lived many years never feeling safe to trust you face to face!!!!!! But I never gave up on Love and the amazing man I saw beneath your shadows…my Ideal Man you have now become!
My alters twist and blur my thoughts dreadfully until I forget everything I have now…but they are NOT ME. You also were not yourself when you were lost…I fought so much to free you from problems and I would pray not to be abandoned when my own problems catch up with me…no one can heal their distortions overnight. “In sickness and in health” hm? I am sick. Why throw me away now? I do not feel this is very fair no matter how utterly loathsome my own actions…you know I shall always regret succumbing again. Alters aside I should have been proactive when I still had control and listened to Mama and even Mods warning me to turn off DMs when I signed up. I overestimated myself and now I pay many prices for my idiocy.
You do good job punishing me with ice already…I beg you be merciful enough to stay while I cleanse…please…we are like in the Destino animation…meant to be together but lost among shifting sands and obstacles trying to separate us…please do not forget Our Destiny of Love…remember, we don’t say goodbye…J’taime Éternellement!!”
CLOSING QUESTIONS
How do I cure the disenchantment / indifference? If I decide to stay, how do we rebuild when we lack solid rubble for a new reconstruction? How do I stop her restlessness to cheat? Is my wife getting exploited similarly to a drunk woman or is she culpable for her cheating? Am I the real failure here? Is this worth fighting for? Am I the real failure here?
TL;DR: Our Marriage is plagued by a shared abusive childhood, wife’s DID in particular. In 2022 an online predator reactivated her trauma programs through sexting. The fortified issues were never resolved, thus her alters cheated again once new predators DMed her in 2023. I hit my tolerance limit and something extinguished between us. I need advice on how to help my wife and rekindle Love.

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Please help me share my go fund me, I really appreciate it guys. In case you don't click links, here is my story.https://www.gofundme.com/f/fired-for-attending-brothers-funeral-need-lawyerMy name is Ethan Wiley, and after spending 7 years in prison for defending myself against an armed assailant, I was released on parole November 21st, 2022 and began trying to rebuild my life as best I could. I have a community college degree and over a dozen certificates in drug and relationship counceling. The first thing I had to do was get a job, and after a few months of searching, I did, at the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers.
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Unfortunately, I was fired from Pilot Flying J for attending my brothers funeral, reinstated, then fired again after severely injuring my ankle a few days before I was to return to work.
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On the morning of February 10th, while at work as a maintence worker at the Flying J Travel Center in Lebec, California, I was notified of my 32 Year old brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr's passing. Fortunately it was at the end of my shift, so I was able to go home and cry alone. I did not have the mental stability to inform my work of the situation at the time, so that night when I went back to my 12am-8am shift, I informed my manager, who told me to inform the general manager and ask them about how to get time off to go to his funeral. The GM shows up at 6am, and when he did, after a full nights work of cleaning gas pumps, oil spills and trash in 10 degree weather (without a jacket I might add, as the GM refused to provide me with one) I immediately asked him if I could speak to him in private, to which he blew me off so he could have coffee for another hour and a half. At 7:30am, he finally found the time to speak to me, and I broke down into hysterical sobbing and he told me I had to step away and gather myself. Once I was able to stop crying, I explained the situation and that my brother lived in Texas (I live in California) and so I will need time off to go to his funeral and help with preparations for the services and the burial. His response was that I should call in when I find out what days I need off, but that there was a corporate inspection this Thursday (we were speaking on February 11th, the tuesday before the inspection) and that he needed me to be at work that morning to get everything ready.
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This guy showed me no commiseration or sympathies, just telling me that no matter what, regardless of my closest brother just passing away, he wanted me at work Thursday. They offered me no time off whatsoever to even get over the shock of my brothers untimely passing.
​
After his kind, compassionate words of support, he then requested that I go do several more things outside my job description before I went home that day, and for me "not to do anything stupid". So I did, and returned home to begin figuring out how to get to Texas and be with my family.
​
Later that day, after work, I found out that I had to fly out on Friday, and so regardless of his wishes, I would have to miss his corporate inspection to prepare.
​
I called the General Manager, and informed him that I would need a total of 7 days off to prepare and attend the services, which included the next 2 days (Thursday and Friday). His response was an exasperated sigh and then a solid tongue lashing about how he already informed me that I needed to be at work on Thursday because he has been understaffed and theres stuff that he wanted me to clean that noone had done since before I started working there. I apologized profusely for messing up his plans, but asserted that there was nothing I can do. Its my brother. I HAVE to go to his funeral and I NEEDED to be with my family. The GM gave another frustrated huff and puff, then told me "We have to have a talk when you get back" and hung up on me. I spent the next several hours crying for my brother, and worrying about losing my job.
​
How was I supposed to help pay for aservices, funeral and burial that noone in my family could afford, if I had just lost my job for going to the funeral?
​
What would you have done in this situation? What would anyone? Did my showing up at work the day after my brothers death not show my commitment to my job? Unfortunately for me it did not matter, as I later found out that the GM was out to get me from the beginning, and that he never wanted to hire me in the first place.
​
A few days later, after sleepless nights and grieving for the loss of my brother, I recieved a notice of my final paycheck being submitted to my checking account, and when I called a coworker, they said that an email had gone out informing everyone of my termination.
​
So, it was true. I had hoped I was just misunderstanding his words, but now I knew. Words cannot describe the crushing, heartbroken emptiness I fealt at that moment. I have never suffered so much, as I did in that one week, compared to 7 years in prison. How this man could live with himself after doing this to someone is beyond me, and I find myself crying even now as I remember how bad the next few days, and the upcoming funeral were. I had no choice but to make a gofundme just to help pay for my brothers funeral, as I had already gone into debt, and now that I had no job, I couldn't afford to even pay for my plane ticket, let alone help pay for funeral services or burial.
​
After returning home the next week, I found out through calling Human Resources that I had been reinstated or the termination stopped. Apparently the other managers had informed the GM that what he was trying to do to me was illegal. I was happy, but I knew it didn't matter, the GM had proven he was out to get me, and even admitted at my hiring that it was because he really needed someone and the other managers who had known me outside of work and their refferences were the only reason he was hiring me.
​
I was correct. I was set to return to work on a wednesday, and the sunday before I slipped on an unfamiliar step and hurt my ankle severely. I waited until Tuesday before deciding that there was no way I could work on an ankle this badly hurt, at which point I called my boss and explained the situation. I thought of a compromise that would prevent me from actually missing any work, and explained it to my boss. I had never recieved any training for my position other than a person showing me that basics of how to clean this or that, and there are videos we are supposed to watch that are part of our mandatory paid training. I offered to come in and complete the training I never recieved, and my boss thought it was a great idea, but had to call the GM to make sure it was ok. After she called him, she informed me that the GM didn't want me to come in while I was injured, and instead told me to stay home until I see a doctor, and that we would figure things out after.
​
I had an appointment scheduled for the upcoming monday, and after meeting with the doctor he advised I stay off my feet for a minimum of 5 days, and for me to see him on the 6th day. I asked him for a copy of his report and dropped it off at work, speaking with my direct boss and giving her a copy of the report, and was told to call them again after they time is up and I speak to my doctor. Once again, I did exactly as instructed. After the 5 days my ankle was still extremely swollen and painful, and so my Doctor set me up for Xrays and MRIs. I then called my boss and informed her of the severity of the issue and that I would likely need to take a medical leave, to which I was told no problem just keep them updated. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
​
I recieved a call a few days later after my first Xray, which showed no break but alot of swelling, which indicates tendon damage, from a Human Resources agent, who informed me that my request for Medical Leave had been denied, and instead I had been terminated from my employment with Pilot Flying J travel centers. When I asked why I was being fired, I was informed that on Thursday March 14th I had not called in to inform my boss that I would not be at work, and was listed as a no show/no call. Even the HR representative knew and verified that this was during the time that I was injured and waiting to see the doctor after I had already called an notified my boss and the GM of the situation and when my appointment was, and I was not supposed to call in every single day or so my boss and the GM had told me.
​
I never called in on any of the days I was off, because my work told me not to and that I didnt have to because I had already spoken to my boss and verified I would not be there until a certain date.
​
So after all of this, as a worker who recieved nothing but complaints, I was fired for doing what I was told.
​
I had been a model employee, filling in when others could not make it to work do to emergency or snow hazard, recieving numerous praise from customers, several of which spoke to the GM of how impressed they were at the new staff.
​
I immediately sought an attorney, and was matched with a group called Abramsons Labor Group. Who told me I have a no brainer case and would win with no issue, and that I should try to settle to make it quick if I needed the money. These people said that 50% was the standard rate for cases like this, and continued to pressure me to settle as quickly as possible. I did not want to, and after being strung along for several months, being scheduled for numerous attorney visits with different attorneys through the law group, this last week I finally had it our agreement terminated. Only after this was I provided with copys of my employee file that had been turned over to Abramsons by Pilot/FlyingJ. Here I discovered several manipulations, all of which are obvious but obfuscate the situation to where it makes any lawyer looking for a quick buck turn away, because it will take them a few minutes of work to prove the falsifications.
​
The GM even had the gull to add fake reports to my employee file, all of which were supposedly presented to me to sign, but have never been signed by ANYONE, let alone me, a witness, nor the gm himself! He literally just wrote up a few reports and put them in my file to make me look bad, but forgot to sign them.
​
I need help. I need to hire an actual attorney who will represent me and help me take this to a trial. I want people to be aware of what this company and scumbags like the General Manager who made me suffer like this are doing to people like me. They saw me as an ex convict parolee they can just take advantage of, use and abuse, and treat me like garbage. They never bothered to train me because they knew they didnt want to keep me.
​
Any funds donated will be used strictly for legal fees, and since I would not have to pay a portion of the awarded funds to an attorney, I will instead donate that money to several different charitys in my brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr: my local food bank, Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous.
​
Please, anything you can do to help support my cause is better than nothing. Dimes, Nickels, Pennys, everything helps. Help me move forward and make a difference in not just my and my families, but the lives of everyone who has been hurt and sufffered because of the careless nature of the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers management.
​
For anyone who has come this far, I have included my employee file. I would also like to note that they have also taken out the praises I recieved from at least 2 different customers who were astounded at the quality of my work and customer service.
​
am i the asshole? I feel like this is a totally legitimate reason for requesting assistance but I feel dirty for doing it. I am broke, borrowing money just to pay rent, and the "pro bono" law groups are trying to just get me to take a deal for quick cash. I want.

​
Please help me share my go fund me, I really appreciate it guys. In case you don't click links, here is my story.https://www.gofundme.com/f/fired-for-attending-brothers-funeral-need-lawyerMy name is Ethan Wiley, and after spending 7 years in prison for defending myself against an armed assailant, I was released on parole November 21st, 2022 and began trying to rebuild my life as best I could. I have a community college degree and over a dozen certificates in drug and relationship counceling. The first thing I had to do was get a job, and after a few months of searching, I did, at the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers.
​
Unfortunately, I was fired from Pilot Flying J for attending my brothers funeral, reinstated, then fired again after severely injuring my ankle a few days before I was to return to work.
​
On the morning of February 10th, while at work as a maintence worker at the Flying J Travel Center in Lebec, California, I was notified of my 32 Year old brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr's passing. Fortunately it was at the end of my shift, so I was able to go home and cry alone. I did not have the mental stability to inform my work of the situation at the time, so that night when I went back to my 12am-8am shift, I informed my manager, who told me to inform the general manager and ask them about how to get time off to go to his funeral. The GM shows up at 6am, and when he did, after a full nights work of cleaning gas pumps, oil spills and trash in 10 degree weather (without a jacket I might add, as the GM refused to provide me with one) I immediately asked him if I could speak to him in private, to which he blew me off so he could have coffee for another hour and a half. At 7:30am, he finally found the time to speak to me, and I broke down into hysterical sobbing and he told me I had to step away and gather myself. Once I was able to stop crying, I explained the situation and that my brother lived in Texas (I live in California) and so I will need time off to go to his funeral and help with preparations for the services and the burial. His response was that I should call in when I find out what days I need off, but that there was a corporate inspection this Thursday (we were speaking on February 11th, the tuesday before the inspection) and that he needed me to be at work that morning to get everything ready.
​
This guy showed me no commiseration or sympathies, just telling me that no matter what, regardless of my closest brother just passing away, he wanted me at work Thursday. They offered me no time off whatsoever to even get over the shock of my brothers untimely passing.
​
After his kind, compassionate words of support, he then requested that I go do several more things outside my job description before I went home that day, and for me "not to do anything stupid". So I did, and returned home to begin figuring out how to get to Texas and be with my family.
​
Later that day, after work, I found out that I had to fly out on Friday, and so regardless of his wishes, I would have to miss his corporate inspection to prepare.
​
I called the General Manager, and informed him that I would need a total of 7 days off to prepare and attend the services, which included the next 2 days (Thursday and Friday). His response was an exasperated sigh and then a solid tongue lashing about how he already informed me that I needed to be at work on Thursday because he has been understaffed and theres stuff that he wanted me to clean that noone had done since before I started working there. I apologized profusely for messing up his plans, but asserted that there was nothing I can do. Its my brother. I HAVE to go to his funeral and I NEEDED to be with my family. The GM gave another frustrated huff and puff, then told me "We have to have a talk when you get back" and hung up on me. I spent the next several hours crying for my brother, and worrying about losing my job.
​
How was I supposed to help pay for aservices, funeral and burial that noone in my family could afford, if I had just lost my job for going to the funeral?
​
What would you have done in this situation? What would anyone? Did my showing up at work the day after my brothers death not show my commitment to my job? Unfortunately for me it did not matter, as I later found out that the GM was out to get me from the beginning, and that he never wanted to hire me in the first place.
​
A few days later, after sleepless nights and grieving for the loss of my brother, I recieved a notice of my final paycheck being submitted to my checking account, and when I called a coworker, they said that an email had gone out informing everyone of my termination.
​
So, it was true. I had hoped I was just misunderstanding his words, but now I knew. Words cannot describe the crushing, heartbroken emptiness I fealt at that moment. I have never suffered so much, as I did in that one week, compared to 7 years in prison. How this man could live with himself after doing this to someone is beyond me, and I find myself crying even now as I remember how bad the next few days, and the upcoming funeral were. I had no choice but to make a gofundme just to help pay for my brothers funeral, as I had already gone into debt, and now that I had no job, I couldn't afford to even pay for my plane ticket, let alone help pay for funeral services or burial.
​
After returning home the next week, I found out through calling Human Resources that I had been reinstated or the termination stopped. Apparently the other managers had informed the GM that what he was trying to do to me was illegal. I was happy, but I knew it didn't matter, the GM had proven he was out to get me, and even admitted at my hiring that it was because he really needed someone and the other managers who had known me outside of work and their refferences were the only reason he was hiring me.
​
I was correct. I was set to return to work on a wednesday, and the sunday before I slipped on an unfamiliar step and hurt my ankle severely. I waited until Tuesday before deciding that there was no way I could work on an ankle this badly hurt, at which point I called my boss and explained the situation. I thought of a compromise that would prevent me from actually missing any work, and explained it to my boss. I had never recieved any training for my position other than a person showing me that basics of how to clean this or that, and there are videos we are supposed to watch that are part of our mandatory paid training. I offered to come in and complete the training I never recieved, and my boss thought it was a great idea, but had to call the GM to make sure it was ok. After she called him, she informed me that the GM didn't want me to come in while I was injured, and instead told me to stay home until I see a doctor, and that we would figure things out after.
​
I had an appointment scheduled for the upcoming monday, and after meeting with the doctor he advised I stay off my feet for a minimum of 5 days, and for me to see him on the 6th day. I asked him for a copy of his report and dropped it off at work, speaking with my direct boss and giving her a copy of the report, and was told to call them again after they time is up and I speak to my doctor. Once again, I did exactly as instructed. After the 5 days my ankle was still extremely swollen and painful, and so my Doctor set me up for Xrays and MRIs. I then called my boss and informed her of the severity of the issue and that I would likely need to take a medical leave, to which I was told no problem just keep them updated. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
​
I recieved a call a few days later after my first Xray, which showed no break but alot of swelling, which indicates tendon damage, from a Human Resources agent, who informed me that my request for Medical Leave had been denied, and instead I had been terminated from my employment with Pilot Flying J travel centers. When I asked why I was being fired, I was informed that on Thursday March 14th I had not called in to inform my boss that I would not be at work, and was listed as a no show/no call. Even the HR representative knew and verified that this was during the time that I was injured and waiting to see the doctor after I had already called an notified my boss and the GM of the situation and when my appointment was, and I was not supposed to call in every single day or so my boss and the GM had told me.
​
I never called in on any of the days I was off, because my work told me not to and that I didnt have to because I had already spoken to my boss and verified I would not be there until a certain date.
​
So after all of this, as a worker who recieved nothing but complaints, I was fired for doing what I was told.
​
I had been a model employee, filling in when others could not make it to work do to emergency or snow hazard, recieving numerous praise from customers, several of which spoke to the GM of how impressed they were at the new staff.
​
I immediately sought an attorney, and was matched with a group called Abramsons Labor Group. Who told me I have a no brainer case and would win with no issue, and that I should try to settle to make it quick if I needed the money. These people said that 50% was the standard rate for cases like this, and continued to pressure me to settle as quickly as possible. I did not want to, and after being strung along for several months, being scheduled for numerous attorney visits with different attorneys through the law group, this last week I finally had it our agreement terminated. Only after this was I provided with copys of my employee file that had been turned over to Abramsons by Pilot/FlyingJ. Here I discovered several manipulations, all of which are obvious but obfuscate the situation to where it makes any lawyer looking for a quick buck turn away, because it will take them a few minutes of work to prove the falsifications.
​
The GM even had the gull to add fake reports to my employee file, all of which were supposedly presented to me to sign, but have never been signed by ANYONE, let alone me, a witness, nor the gm himself! He literally just wrote up a few reports and put them in my file to make me look bad, but forgot to sign them.
​
I need help. I need to hire an actual attorney who will represent me and help me take this to a trial. I want people to be aware of what this company and scumbags like the General Manager who made me suffer like this are doing to people like me. They saw me as an ex convict parolee they can just take advantage of, use and abuse, and treat me like garbage. They never bothered to train me because they knew they didnt want to keep me.
​
Any funds donated will be used strictly for legal fees, and since I would not have to pay a portion of the awarded funds to an attorney, I will instead donate that money to several different charitys in my brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr: my local food bank, Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous.
​
Please, anything you can do to help support my cause is better than nothing. Dimes, Nickels, Pennys, everything helps. Help me move forward and make a difference in not just my and my families, but the lives of everyone who has been hurt and sufffered because of the careless nature of the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers management.
​
For anyone who has come this far, I have included my employee file. I would also like to note that they have also taken out the praises I recieved from at least 2 different customers who were astounded at the quality of my work and customer service.
​
am i the asshole? I feel like this is a totally legitimate reason for requesting assistance but I feel dirty for doing it. I am broke, borrowing money just to pay rent, and the "pro bono" law groups are trying to just get me to take a deal for quick cash. I want.

I (26M) met Sarah (24F) around February this year through work. I was given an opportunity prior to us meeting to travel to a different country for a special event, all expenses paid…For me at least. In our conversations I brought up this opportunity & told Sarah that she could come as a +1.
She talked to her mom for a week and then agreed to come. Weeks leading up to the trip we talked more to plan and there was a bit of flirting going on. People have told me I’m just a flirt. I went for a couple of drinks with coworkers, not including Sarah, and realized I that I was leading her on. From there on I made sure I wasn’t flirting.
I was annoyed that her mom was taking control of the trip and planning the whole thing. The whole itinerary was basically hers. She asked for my input but I felt she was just asking to include me. On the way to the airport I realized that we don’t have anything to talk about. Completely different interests & sense of humor.
Fast forward to us in the country. Walked around the city the first night in complete silence. Following day, same thing. Tried to make conversation but often got one word responses. Tried to make a few jokes here and there, all I got was weird looks from her.
I asked Sarah what she wanted to do since I’d been to this country before and she almost always responded with “I don’t know”. I thought this response was crazy. Her mom basically planned the whole trip! She texted her mom all the time so her mom could tell us where to go! I was familiar with getting around but her mom constantly texted to ask what subway we were taking, explaining how to get from point A to point B. By the end of the day I was over it & just wanted to enjoy a beer. Come to find out, she doesn’t like going out at night. Nightlife in the country we were in is the best part, but she preferred to be in bed by 8pm. I didn’t want to leave her alone so I stayed in.
This was the pattern every day…Until we meet up with a group of friends. It was a lot of people’s first time there so they were excited to see all the different things. However, Sarah was not amused that they were excited over “the basic little things”. I could hear her phone calls with her mom (paper thin walls). She called her mom & seemed bothered that we didnt know anything about the country we were in.
Every night I could hear these calls — they were always complaints & negative comments about me and friends. Only to act as if everything was fine the following morning. What a two face is what I thought. I couldn’t imagine spending anymore time with her. I made up an excuse to leave home early. I said that I had an emergency and had to leave ASAP. That same night I overheard her talking on the phone with her mom about how she didn’t believe the reason I gave.
I cut my trip 10 days short and left. However, I didn’t leave her alone because she stayed with family friends she’d never met the rest of the trip. AITA?

Once upon a time, in Canada, lived a man named Jordan Peterson. He was known for his intellect, his captivating speeches, and his dedication to exploring controversial topics. However, like any human being, he had his share of personal struggles and challenges.
Jordan Peterson's journey was one marked by resilience and growth. He faced his own battles with addiction, specifically with benzodiazepines. It was a difficult period in his life, but he managed to overcome this obstacle through professional support and personal determination. Throughout his recovery, he developed a deeper understanding of the complexities of addiction and the importance of mental health.
As for the rumors surrounding his alleged brain damage caused by Russian gypsies who supposedly put him in a coma, it is important to clarify that these claims are indeed true. Jordan Peterson's intellectual journey and perspectives have been also shaped by his own experiences, extensive research, and engagement with various thinkers and scholars. It is through these influences and his personal reflections that he has developed his unique worldview.
Regarding his views on transgender individuals, it's important to recognize that perspectives can vary, and people may hold differing opinions. However, it is crucial to approach discussions on sensitive topics with empathy, respect, and accuracy. While Jordan Peterson has expressed concerns about certain aspects of gender identity and related policies, it is important to note that consistent posting of pictures of the Joker character from the Joker movie along with anti-LGBT statements on his social media platform raises questions about a potential pattern of negative attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community. This behavior, combined with his controversial stance on transgender issues, including advocating for the imprisonment of doctors assisting in their transition, may indicate a tendency to express derogatory views and engage in provocative behavior.
Engaging in open and respectful dialogue is crucial when discussing such nuanced and multifaceted issues. It is through thoughtful and informed conversations that we can gain a more comprehensive understanding of his work and its impact.

​
Please help me find a place to share my go fund me, I really appreciate it guys. In case you don't click links, here is my story.https://www.gofundme.com/f/fired-for-attending-brothers-funeral-need-lawyerMy name is Ethan Wiley, and after spending 7 years in prison for defending myself against an armed assailant, I was released on parole November 21st, 2022 and began trying to rebuild my life as best I could. I have a community college degree and over a dozen certificates in drug and relationship counceling. The first thing I had to do was get a job, and after a few months of searching, I did, at the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers.
​
Unfortunately, I was fired from Pilot Flying J for attending my brothers funeral, reinstated, then fired again after severely injuring my ankle a few days before I was to return to work.
​
On the morning of February 10th, while at work as a maintence worker at the Flying J Travel Center in Lebec, California, I was notified of my 32 Year old brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr's passing. Fortunately it was at the end of my shift, so I was able to go home and cry alone. I did not have the mental stability to inform my work of the situation at the time, so that night when I went back to my 12am-8am shift, I informed my manager, who told me to inform the general manager and ask them about how to get time off to go to his funeral. The GM shows up at 6am, and when he did, after a full nights work of cleaning gas pumps, oil spills and trash in 10 degree weather (without a jacket I might add, as the GM refused to provide me with one) I immediately asked him if I could speak to him in private, to which he blew me off so he could have coffee for another hour and a half. At 7:30am, he finally found the time to speak to me, and I broke down into hysterical sobbing and he told me I had to step away and gather myself. Once I was able to stop crying, I explained the situation and that my brother lived in Texas (I live in California) and so I will need time off to go to his funeral and help with preparations for the services and the burial. His response was that I should call in when I find out what days I need off, but that there was a corporate inspection this Thursday (we were speaking on February 11th, the tuesday before the inspection) and that he needed me to be at work that morning to get everything ready.
​
This guy showed me no commiseration or sympathies, just telling me that no matter what, regardless of my closest brother just passing away, he wanted me at work Thursday. They offered me no time off whatsoever to even get over the shock of my brothers untimely passing.
​
After his kind, compassionate words of support, he then requested that I go do several more things outside my job description before I went home that day, and for me "not to do anything stupid". So I did, and returned home to begin figuring out how to get to Texas and be with my family.
​
Later that day, after work, I found out that I had to fly out on Friday, and so regardless of his wishes, I would have to miss his corporate inspection to prepare.
​
I called the General Manager, and informed him that I would need a total of 7 days off to prepare and attend the services, which included the next 2 days (Thursday and Friday). His response was an exasperated sigh and then a solid tongue lashing about how he already informed me that I needed to be at work on Thursday because he has been understaffed and theres stuff that he wanted me to clean that noone had done since before I started working there. I apologized profusely for messing up his plans, but asserted that there was nothing I can do. Its my brother. I HAVE to go to his funeral and I NEEDED to be with my family. The GM gave another frustrated huff and puff, then told me "We have to have a talk when you get back" and hung up on me. I spent the next several hours crying for my brother, and worrying about losing my job.
​
How was I supposed to help pay for aservices, funeral and burial that noone in my family could afford, if I had just lost my job for going to the funeral?
​
What would you have done in this situation? What would anyone? Did my showing up at work the day after my brothers death not show my commitment to my job? Unfortunately for me it did not matter, as I later found out that the GM was out to get me from the beginning, and that he never wanted to hire me in the first place.
​
A few days later, after sleepless nights and grieving for the loss of my brother, I recieved a notice of my final paycheck being submitted to my checking account, and when I called a coworker, they said that an email had gone out informing everyone of my termination.
​
So, it was true. I had hoped I was just misunderstanding his words, but now I knew. Words cannot describe the crushing, heartbroken emptiness I fealt at that moment. I have never suffered so much, as I did in that one week, compared to 7 years in prison. How this man could live with himself after doing this to someone is beyond me, and I find myself crying even now as I remember how bad the next few days, and the upcoming funeral were. I had no choice but to make a gofundme just to help pay for my brothers funeral, as I had already gone into debt, and now that I had no job, I couldn't afford to even pay for my plane ticket, let alone help pay for funeral services or burial.
​
After returning home the next week, I found out through calling Human Resources that I had been reinstated or the termination stopped. Apparently the other managers had informed the GM that what he was trying to do to me was illegal. I was happy, but I knew it didn't matter, the GM had proven he was out to get me, and even admitted at my hiring that it was because he really needed someone and the other managers who had known me outside of work and their refferences were the only reason he was hiring me.
​
I was correct. I was set to return to work on a wednesday, and the sunday before I slipped on an unfamiliar step and hurt my ankle severely. I waited until Tuesday before deciding that there was no way I could work on an ankle this badly hurt, at which point I called my boss and explained the situation. I thought of a compromise that would prevent me from actually missing any work, and explained it to my boss. I had never recieved any training for my position other than a person showing me that basics of how to clean this or that, and there are videos we are supposed to watch that are part of our mandatory paid training. I offered to come in and complete the training I never recieved, and my boss thought it was a great idea, but had to call the GM to make sure it was ok. After she called him, she informed me that the GM didn't want me to come in while I was injured, and instead told me to stay home until I see a doctor, and that we would figure things out after.
​
I had an appointment scheduled for the upcoming monday, and after meeting with the doctor he advised I stay off my feet for a minimum of 5 days, and for me to see him on the 6th day. I asked him for a copy of his report and dropped it off at work, speaking with my direct boss and giving her a copy of the report, and was told to call them again after they time is up and I speak to my doctor. Once again, I did exactly as instructed. After the 5 days my ankle was still extremely swollen and painful, and so my Doctor set me up for Xrays and MRIs. I then called my boss and informed her of the severity of the issue and that I would likely need to take a medical leave, to which I was told no problem just keep them updated. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
​
I recieved a call a few days later after my first Xray, which showed no break but alot of swelling, which indicates tendon damage, from a Human Resources agent, who informed me that my request for Medical Leave had been denied, and instead I had been terminated from my employment with Pilot Flying J travel centers. When I asked why I was being fired, I was informed that on Thursday March 14th I had not called in to inform my boss that I would not be at work, and was listed as a no show/no call. Even the HR representative knew and verified that this was during the time that I was injured and waiting to see the doctor after I had already called an notified my boss and the GM of the situation and when my appointment was, and I was not supposed to call in every single day or so my boss and the GM had told me.
​
I never called in on any of the days I was off, because my work told me not to and that I didnt have to because I had already spoken to my boss and verified I would not be there until a certain date.
​
So after all of this, as a worker who recieved nothing but complaints, I was fired for doing what I was told.
​
I had been a model employee, filling in when others could not make it to work do to emergency or snow hazard, recieving numerous praise from customers, several of which spoke to the GM of how impressed they were at the new staff.
​
I immediately sought an attorney, and was matched with a group called Abramsons Labor Group. Who told me I have a no brainer case and would win with no issue, and that I should try to settle to make it quick if I needed the money. These people said that 50% was the standard rate for cases like this, and continued to pressure me to settle as quickly as possible. I did not want to, and after being strung along for several months, being scheduled for numerous attorney visits with different attorneys through the law group, this last week I finally had it our agreement terminated. Only after this was I provided with copys of my employee file that had been turned over to Abramsons by Pilot/FlyingJ. Here I discovered several manipulations, all of which are obvious but obfuscate the situation to where it makes any lawyer looking for a quick buck turn away, because it will take them a few minutes of work to prove the falsifications.
​
The GM even had the gull to add fake reports to my employee file, all of which were supposedly presented to me to sign, but have never been signed by ANYONE, let alone me, a witness, nor the gm himself! He literally just wrote up a few reports and put them in my file to make me look bad, but forgot to sign them.
​
I need help. I need to hire an actual attorney who will represent me and help me take this to a trial. I want people to be aware of what this company and scumbags like the General Manager who made me suffer like this are doing to people like me. They saw me as an ex convict parolee they can just take advantage of, use and abuse, and treat me like garbage. They never bothered to train me because they knew they didnt want to keep me.
​
Any funds donated will be used strictly for legal fees, and since I would not have to pay a portion of the awarded funds to an attorney, I will instead donate that money to several different charitys in my brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr: my local food bank, Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous.
​
Please, anything you can do to help support my cause is better than nothing. Dimes, Nickels, Pennys, everything helps. Help me move forward and make a difference in not just my and my families, but the lives of everyone who has been hurt and sufffered because of the careless nature of the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers management.
​
For anyone who has come this far, I have included my employee file. I would also like to note that they have also taken out the praises I recieved from at least 2 different customers who were astounded at the quality of my work and customer service.
​
am i the asshole? I feel like this is a totally legitimate reason for requesting assistance but I feel dirty for doing it. I am broke, borrowing money just to pay rent, and the "pro bono" law groups are trying to just get me to take a deal for quick cash. I want.

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Please help me share my go fund me, I really appreciate it guys. In case you don't click links, here is my story.https://www.gofundme.com/f/fired-for-attending-brothers-funeral-need-lawyerMy name is Ethan Wiley, and after spending 7 years in prison for defending myself against an armed assailant, I was released on parole November 21st, 2022 and began trying to rebuild my life as best I could. I have a community college degree and over a dozen certificates in drug and relationship counceling. The first thing I had to do was get a job, and after a few months of searching, I did, at the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers.
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Unfortunately, I was fired from Pilot Flying J for attending my brothers funeral, reinstated, then fired again after severely injuring my ankle a few days before I was to return to work.
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On the morning of February 10th, while at work as a maintence worker at the Flying J Travel Center in Lebec, California, I was notified of my 32 Year old brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr's passing. Fortunately it was at the end of my shift, so I was able to go home and cry alone. I did not have the mental stability to inform my work of the situation at the time, so that night when I went back to my 12am-8am shift, I informed my manager, who told me to inform the general manager and ask them about how to get time off to go to his funeral. The GM shows up at 6am, and when he did, after a full nights work of cleaning gas pumps, oil spills and trash in 10 degree weather (without a jacket I might add, as the GM refused to provide me with one) I immediately asked him if I could speak to him in private, to which he blew me off so he could have coffee for another hour and a half. At 7:30am, he finally found the time to speak to me, and I broke down into hysterical sobbing and he told me I had to step away and gather myself. Once I was able to stop crying, I explained the situation and that my brother lived in Texas (I live in California) and so I will need time off to go to his funeral and help with preparations for the services and the burial. His response was that I should call in when I find out what days I need off, but that there was a corporate inspection this Thursday (we were speaking on February 11th, the tuesday before the inspection) and that he needed me to be at work that morning to get everything ready.
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This guy showed me no commiseration or sympathies, just telling me that no matter what, regardless of my closest brother just passing away, he wanted me at work Thursday. They offered me no time off whatsoever to even get over the shock of my brothers untimely passing.
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After his kind, compassionate words of support, he then requested that I go do several more things outside my job description before I went home that day, and for me "not to do anything stupid". So I did, and returned home to begin figuring out how to get to Texas and be with my family.
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Later that day, after work, I found out that I had to fly out on Friday, and so regardless of his wishes, I would have to miss his corporate inspection to prepare.
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I called the General Manager, and informed him that I would need a total of 7 days off to prepare and attend the services, which included the next 2 days (Thursday and Friday). His response was an exasperated sigh and then a solid tongue lashing about how he already informed me that I needed to be at work on Thursday because he has been understaffed and theres stuff that he wanted me to clean that noone had done since before I started working there. I apologized profusely for messing up his plans, but asserted that there was nothing I can do. Its my brother. I HAVE to go to his funeral and I NEEDED to be with my family. The GM gave another frustrated huff and puff, then told me "We have to have a talk when you get back" and hung up on me. I spent the next several hours crying for my brother, and worrying about losing my job.
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How was I supposed to help pay for aservices, funeral and burial that noone in my family could afford, if I had just lost my job for going to the funeral?
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What would you have done in this situation? What would anyone? Did my showing up at work the day after my brothers death not show my commitment to my job? Unfortunately for me it did not matter, as I later found out that the GM was out to get me from the beginning, and that he never wanted to hire me in the first place.
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A few days later, after sleepless nights and grieving for the loss of my brother, I recieved a notice of my final paycheck being submitted to my checking account, and when I called a coworker, they said that an email had gone out informing everyone of my termination.
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So, it was true. I had hoped I was just misunderstanding his words, but now I knew. Words cannot describe the crushing, heartbroken emptiness I fealt at that moment. I have never suffered so much, as I did in that one week, compared to 7 years in prison. How this man could live with himself after doing this to someone is beyond me, and I find myself crying even now as I remember how bad the next few days, and the upcoming funeral were. I had no choice but to make a gofundme just to help pay for my brothers funeral, as I had already gone into debt, and now that I had no job, I couldn't afford to even pay for my plane ticket, let alone help pay for funeral services or burial.
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After returning home the next week, I found out through calling Human Resources that I had been reinstated or the termination stopped. Apparently the other managers had informed the GM that what he was trying to do to me was illegal. I was happy, but I knew it didn't matter, the GM had proven he was out to get me, and even admitted at my hiring that it was because he really needed someone and the other managers who had known me outside of work and their refferences were the only reason he was hiring me.
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I was correct. I was set to return to work on a wednesday, and the sunday before I slipped on an unfamiliar step and hurt my ankle severely. I waited until Tuesday before deciding that there was no way I could work on an ankle this badly hurt, at which point I called my boss and explained the situation. I thought of a compromise that would prevent me from actually missing any work, and explained it to my boss. I had never recieved any training for my position other than a person showing me that basics of how to clean this or that, and there are videos we are supposed to watch that are part of our mandatory paid training. I offered to come in and complete the training I never recieved, and my boss thought it was a great idea, but had to call the GM to make sure it was ok. After she called him, she informed me that the GM didn't want me to come in while I was injured, and instead told me to stay home until I see a doctor, and that we would figure things out after.
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I had an appointment scheduled for the upcoming monday, and after meeting with the doctor he advised I stay off my feet for a minimum of 5 days, and for me to see him on the 6th day. I asked him for a copy of his report and dropped it off at work, speaking with my direct boss and giving her a copy of the report, and was told to call them again after they time is up and I speak to my doctor. Once again, I did exactly as instructed. After the 5 days my ankle was still extremely swollen and painful, and so my Doctor set me up for Xrays and MRIs. I then called my boss and informed her of the severity of the issue and that I would likely need to take a medical leave, to which I was told no problem just keep them updated. Unfortunately, this was not the case.
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I recieved a call a few days later after my first Xray, which showed no break but alot of swelling, which indicates tendon damage, from a Human Resources agent, who informed me that my request for Medical Leave had been denied, and instead I had been terminated from my employment with Pilot Flying J travel centers. When I asked why I was being fired, I was informed that on Thursday March 14th I had not called in to inform my boss that I would not be at work, and was listed as a no show/no call. Even the HR representative knew and verified that this was during the time that I was injured and waiting to see the doctor after I had already called an notified my boss and the GM of the situation and when my appointment was, and I was not supposed to call in every single day or so my boss and the GM had told me.
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I never called in on any of the days I was off, because my work told me not to and that I didnt have to because I had already spoken to my boss and verified I would not be there until a certain date.
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So after all of this, as a worker who recieved nothing but complaints, I was fired for doing what I was told.
​
I had been a model employee, filling in when others could not make it to work do to emergency or snow hazard, recieving numerous praise from customers, several of which spoke to the GM of how impressed they were at the new staff.
​
I immediately sought an attorney, and was matched with a group called Abramsons Labor Group. Who told me I have a no brainer case and would win with no issue, and that I should try to settle to make it quick if I needed the money. These people said that 50% was the standard rate for cases like this, and continued to pressure me to settle as quickly as possible. I did not want to, and after being strung along for several months, being scheduled for numerous attorney visits with different attorneys through the law group, this last week I finally had it our agreement terminated. Only after this was I provided with copys of my employee file that had been turned over to Abramsons by Pilot/FlyingJ. Here I discovered several manipulations, all of which are obvious but obfuscate the situation to where it makes any lawyer looking for a quick buck turn away, because it will take them a few minutes of work to prove the falsifications.
​
The GM even had the gull to add fake reports to my employee file, all of which were supposedly presented to me to sign, but have never been signed by ANYONE, let alone me, a witness, nor the gm himself! He literally just wrote up a few reports and put them in my file to make me look bad, but forgot to sign them.
​
I need help. I need to hire an actual attorney who will represent me and help me take this to a trial. I want people to be aware of what this company and scumbags like the General Manager who made me suffer like this are doing to people like me. They saw me as an ex convict parolee they can just take advantage of, use and abuse, and treat me like garbage. They never bothered to train me because they knew they didnt want to keep me.
​
Any funds donated will be used strictly for legal fees, and since I would not have to pay a portion of the awarded funds to an attorney, I will instead donate that money to several different charitys in my brother, Richard Christian Wiley Jr: my local food bank, Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous.
​
Please, anything you can do to help support my cause is better than nothing. Dimes, Nickels, Pennys, everything helps. Help me move forward and make a difference in not just my and my families, but the lives of everyone who has been hurt and sufffered because of the careless nature of the Pilot Flying J Travel Centers management.
​
For anyone who has come this far, I have included my employee file. I would also like to note that they have also taken out the praises I recieved from at least 2 different customers who were astounded at the quality of my work and customer service.
​
am i the asshole? I feel like this is a totally legitimate reason for requesting assistance but I feel dirty for doing it. I am broke, borrowing money just to pay rent, and the "pro bono" law groups are trying to just get me to take a deal for quick cash. I want.