Process engineer salary new york ibm
The DKC League
2015.04.22 16:17 apbeir The DKC League
The DKC is an NBA role-playing game where each user becomes the general manager of his or her own team and abides by a modified version of the NBA CBA to trade, sign, and draft players. Users control their teams over the years, allowing for multiple strategies (win-now, or build for the future) but the ultimate goal is to have fun and build a team you're proud of. The DKC has been ongoing since 2013, and hosted on reddit since 2015.
2023.06.03 19:54 Sufficient-Finger228 I won't get better
I am tired, I really am. I have one goal in life: to leave this country. I wanted the leave since age 10. After high school I wanted to study abroad but a coup attempt makes it a lot harder to leave even if I could have afforded it your government almost getting toppled tanks your economy. Wait until you finish your uni. You'll go there for work or to do your master's. Well now I am one a half years into my master's in the same country. Doing my master's and working full time. Wait you'll do your doctorate abroad they say. Are you insane I am doing my master's here cause student visas in EU require you have 1.5x the money I made in the last 13 months. And I can only save around 50% of my salary. And that's for a year. And it's been way too long I always said I'll leave this country one way or another. People didn't want to hear that I would kill myself. But it's been way too long I don't have the power to keep going. I can't study cause what's the point if these are my last couple months. Work is shit they are corrupt, they are trying to get me to drop me to their level. What good is my engineering degree if I can't even get a fucking tourist visa to EU, let alone find work there? You just need experience they say. I am sorry I can't put up being here for another 5-10 years just to have a chance at getting hired abroad. I am OK with death I been suicidal for a long long time. Living causes me pain this is just self administered euthanasia. Don't I deserve to not suffer? Why can't friends and family accept that. I am not trying to be selfish and hurt people I just want to stop hurting. Why can't we have some good times together before I go? I have no hope that I can even step foot on a developed country let alone open a new leaf there. I don't even speak my people's tounge because discrimination put my family on the defensive I was to hide what I am. Woman I loved broke up with me cause I was stuck, my passport was so fucking shit it would have taken me another decade for us to see each other face to face. Why, I did everything I could, I studied, my training is for a field Europe says they desperately need. Yet they would rather keep a position open for a year rather than hire someone from my country. Fuck all this. I am tired really really tired. Only decent paying jobs here are in the defence industry and I don't want to fucking kill. Why is that bad? Can't ask for asylum either even if I had a way to make it to EU, they notify my country whose government have no problem fucking my family over it if I did. I am tired. I want to rest. I just want to rest. Can't I rest? I just want to not be in pain. I wish people saw that. I wish people would recognize that. This is who I am I won't ever get better. I just want to not get worse. And it gets worse every day I wake up.
submitted by Sufficient-Finger228
to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
2023.06.03 19:53 Ill_Gap8929 Red Flags When Job Hunting
Job hunting can be a challenging and stressful process. However, it's important to remain vigilant for any potential red flags when evaluating job opportunities. Here are 10 things to watch out for:
- Ambiguous or incomplete job descriptions can make it difficult to determine your day-to-day responsibilities.
- Negative company reviews or a poor reputation may indicate that the work environment is not conducive to success. Do your research before accepting a job offer.
- Salary or benefits packages below industry standards may indicate a lack of appreciation for employee contributions.
- Unorganized or unprofessional interview processes can signal a lack of support and productivity in the work environment.
- Cultural fit is an important consideration when evaluating job opportunities. If the company culture does not align with your values or work style, it may be difficult to thrive in your new job.
- Before accepting a job, consider whether the pay and benefits offered are worth the sacrifice if the job requires long hours or weekend work without additional compensation. Ask about work-life balance during the interview process.
- Unrealistic or excessive job responsibilities may indicate unreasonable expectations. Ensure that you understand your day-to-day responsibilities before accepting a job offer.
- Inappropriate or unprofessional interview questions can be a major red flag, indicating a lack of diversity and inclusion.
- A high employee turnover rate can point to a lack of value for employees or an unsupportive work environment.
- Carefully consider the terms of a non-compete agreement before signing. Some agreements can be highly restrictive, limiting future job opportunities.
Remember, if you notice any of these red flags, it's important to carefully consider whether the job is a good fit for you. It may be tempting to accept any job offer that comes your way, but finding a job that values both your skills and your values is essential for your success and satisfaction. Stay confident and keep your eyes open for the right opportunity!
submitted by Ill_Gap8929
to finding_my_career [link] [comments]
2023.06.03 19:51 EchoJobs quip is hiring Sr. Hardware Quality Engineer USD 110k-130k New York, NY
2023.06.03 19:51 EchoJobs quip is hiring Sr. Reliability Test Engineer USD 115k-135k New York, NY
2023.06.03 19:41 EchoJobs Nextdoor is hiring Principal Cloud Engineer USD 97k-265k New York, NY [Kafka Redis Elasticsearch Kubernetes PostgreSQL AWS]
2023.06.03 19:41 EchoJobs Nextdoor is hiring Principal Cloud Engineer USD 97k-265k New York, NY [Kafka Redis Elasticsearch Kubernetes PostgreSQL AWS]
2023.06.03 19:40 EchoJobs Nextdoor is hiring Principal Cloud Engineer USD 97k-265k New York, NY [Kafka Redis Elasticsearch Kubernetes PostgreSQL AWS]
2023.06.03 19:40 EchoJobs Stripe is hiring Staff Engineer, Banking as a Service [Remote] [API]
2023.06.03 19:40 Seamoose_Art NoP 2177: Blue Moon 
Credit for the original story goes to u/spacepaladin15
. I have to say, this was easily my favorite chapter to write. I hope you enjoy!
--- Memory transcript subject:
Trish, Venlil civilian Date [Standardized Human Time]:
February 29th, 2177 Location:
Lower sprawl of City 23, Venlil Prime
It was a long drive back down to the Den, and the whole group held their breath for every second of it with spines bristling and skin crawling. To all of them, it felt like exterminators might appear behind them at any moment if they let themselves relax for so much as a second. The only noise (aside from the whiny roar of the engine) was the hiss of a spray bottle, as James disinfected the wound at Sasha’s side with some mild antiseptic and threw a light cover of bandages over the whole affair. Those aside, the vehicle was filled with a deathly silence.
By the time they were back at the Tipped Quill, even Beast seemed cowed. Trish set it down in the adjacent side-alley, and its doors opened without so much as a screech of the unoiled hinges. They silently disembarked for the bar with all the cheer of a funeral procession, each of them constantly sneaking looks behind them. James and Burai were in front, Tressa and Trish in back, with Sasha and the cargo shielded from all angles as though they were under attack. The thick tension in the air further silenced their movements, leaving only the sound of the ashen wind outside as they walked.
As soon as the door to the Den slid shut behind them, the tension snapped. A roar of exuberant emotion from every angle nearly pushed Trish to the ground, as the rest of them erupted with cheers. It was like being at the center of a supernova, a feeling of being crushed from all angles. Trish just barely managed to stay upright from the sudden shock, ears failing to adjust for several seconds to the new baseline of noise.
“—and just threw
himself at them, crying some sob story about a human hunting him. And they bought it! They actually bought it!”
“No shit they bought it! What were they gonna do, let an opportunity to put those flamers to work pass them by?”
“You know, there was a fire escape ladder on the other side of the building. If you’d let me say something
before jumping, maybe I wouldn’t need to pull this quill out of your side.”
“You and I both know we— mhfff
— didn’t have that sort of time. ”
The dizzying whirl of socialization around her faded into a manageable hum, nervous sharp laughter giving way to more gentle chuckles as the adrenaline faded. Trish managed to drag herself to a chair, nausea fading but legs still shaky from the sudden outburst. She should’ve thought to bring earplugs.
“Hey Trish, you good? You’re looking pretty faint yourself…” James wrapped up his work and paced over to her, his face a bizarre mix of mirth and concern.
“Fine, I’m fine. Just a lot of noise, that’s all. Is Sasha OK?”
“Yeah, just a spine in her side from that fall. It didn’t get past skin, so she’ll be just fine. Here, why don’t I get you some… hmmm, how do you feel about champagne?”
“I don’t— Champagne?
He grinned, almost literally ear-to-ear. “Yeah, ‘course! Or cider, if that’s more your style. You know, this is a big occasion! A mysterious unmarked bag from the same contact who got us those pistols last time, we can afford a bit of celebration!”
“...Cider sounds good. This has human amounts of alcohol, right? I don’t want to dull my perception if anything comes up.”
“Relax, relax! You’re acting like there’s a squad of exterminators waiting ‘till we’re drunk to kick the door down. Trust me, it’s all downhill from here! Here, let me get you a glass…”
The backpack was set upon a footrest, and all lamps trained on it to make a sort of spotlight. To a rapt and silent audience, Trish walked up to their little makeshift shrine and carefully unzipped the gray fabric.
After only a couple hours and far fewer drinks than might be expected, curiosity had gotten the better of them. They all knew it would be better to wait until morning to see what was in the backpack; for something as potentially monumental as this, being well-rested and sober would be invaluable. They kept their curiosity at bay for long, agonizing hours. But it couldn’t hold. Burai made some joke about holding a ceremony to open the thing, and that was all the push they needed.
Inside the backpack, an expensive-looking technological box lay cushioned in a nest of nondescript white fabric. Trish mercilessly gutted the bag, lifting the contents up high for all to see for a moment before placing the device on the spot where the backpack had set seconds prior. After a moment’s inspection, she found a clearly-marked button on the side which she pushed without so much as a moment’s consideration. A hiss of air and a blink from the green light on the side, and the entire box split in two before sliding open. The blast of heat from the inside made Trish recoil slightly. She peered in.
Her gaze was met by a small oval, glistening slightly under the light of heating elements and LEDs. Blue, glossy with a slightly rough texture, and barely the size of Trish’s paw. She ran a claw across the side; tiny bumps coated the surface. It was extremely warm to the touch. With great care, she lifted it from its metal cocoon and held it up for the rest of the group to see what exactly they’d risked life and limb for.
The only person who seemed to recognize it was Sasha, who all but collapsed at the sight. Mouth covered with a hand, eyes wide and frantic, breathing unsteady. Burai practically dragged her to a nearby chair.
“W-What the fuck? How? How!?”
“Sasha, are you—”
Without waiting for Burai’s question to finish, Tressa rushed over to her and practically tackled her with a hug. He was coming at her from an awkward angle, so rather than a graceful embrace, it ended up with him sliding down an arm head over tail. Undeterred, he righted himself and wrapped his tail around her shaking hand.
“Sasha, breath. Five seconds in, five seconds hold, five seconds out, remember? We’ve got you.”
Gradually, her breathing stabilized, and her hands began to steady. Her eyes, however, remained wild and dilated, still roughly focusing on the small blue object in Trish’s paws. After several long seconds, she finally took the hint and carefully set it back in the case.
“Sasha, talk to me. What is it?”
Sasha’s voice was still unsteady, hands still slightly trembling as she pointed at the container. “...What is it?
Do… any of you know what that is? What you’ve brought?”
“It’s an egg, isn’t it? I mean, it’s in an incu—”
“It’s an Arxur.”
“That’s an Arxur’s egg.”
Her words rang out like a gunshot, leaving still silence in its wake as the rest of the group processed the meaning behind them. Each person went through a set of reactions in series, timings offset. Shock, disbelief, denial, awe. Their faces and tails formed a silent orchestra of emotion.
Burai was the first to recover, and the first to speak. “How are we going to feed it?”
Sasha looked at him as though he had three heads.
“Well, it’s not like we can get synthesized meat anymore… there’s not exactly anywhere it could hunt, either. Maybe we—”
What fucking part of Arxur
don’t you understand!? This is the same species that tore… Burai, you were there!
On the cradle, you saw what they did! You should remember better than anyone! They had no empathy, no morals… They killed for fun, ate children out of their parent’s arms! And you want to…”
Sasha’s voice broke, but she continued. “...you want to raise
Burai met her gaze but did not answer. In a truly rare moment, he seemed to be at a loss for words. Sasha looked around at the rest of them; they all wore the same look of determination and all failed to justify their decision with so much as a whisper of argument.
“You want to raise it?
” she repeated again, louder this time, as though questioning them at higher volume would make them realize the error of their ways. “Do you think it’ll love you because you were the one feeding it flesh from birth? And… then what? What about every other species in this goddamn ash heap, will it love
them enough to starve itself?” She looked around expectantly, but was met with the same steel glares.
Say something!” she spat. “Any of you!”
“Sasha…” Burai began gently, “Do you remember when Cilany’s interview first leaked?”
It was Sasha’s turn to go silent with a cold glare, apparently not seeing where the question led. The rest of the room shuddered; they’d heard the story before. He continued regardless. “The news that the Gojid once ate meat… it hit a lot of people hard. I was in a refugee shelter on Earth at the time. Nobody took it well. Nobody even talked for days afterwards. I heard a couple people tore out their claws and tried to remove their teeth. And there was this one kid… Teveq.
“He was so energetic, always off doing something. With the pups, usually, keeping them out of trouble. Or praying. He prayed to the Great Protector every night for his family to be found hiding somewhere on the cradle. Or sketching, buildings and burrows and skyscrapers. He wanted to be an architect, told me about it a few times. He was always so chatty… he kept me company when I couldn’t even bear to get out of bed. I found him in his room a couple days after we learned. He had a gun to his head.
“He didn’t pull the trigger, but it didn’t make a difference. He stopped eating, stopped talking. He stopped crying too after a few days, and he was just a breathing corpse, a corpse that lost more and more weight each day. He didn’t even pray anymore. The god he’d prayed to for protection hated him.
“When the Kolshians surrounded Earth, he didn’t leave. He wanted to burn. He thought he deserved it, because his people once ate meat.”
Sasha’s look of rage was replaced with sheer horror, but he wasn’t done. “The Federation killed him. Tore out his heart and soul, and incinerated what was left. Not just him, either. Nobody knows what the Gojid were once like before the Federation ‘cured’ us of our meat-eating sins. Nobody knows what we could’ve been, if the Kolshians had used their forces to save the cradle. Maybe they wouldn’t have done so even now, for our status as cured predators.
“The unhatched Arxur sitting on the chair; was it on the cradle? Did it personally kill Gojid? Or do you want us to kill it, burn it in cold blood just because its people once ate meat?”
This, finally, managed to shake Sasha from her stunned silence. Her rebuke was a far cry from the snarling fury she’d held just minutes ago, but she tried to make her voice firm. “Once
ate meat? The Arxur can only eat meat, flesh they—”
“The Arxur are dead. They are dead, except for this little unhatched lizard. A being which has committed no sins, except by virtue of being born with a carnivorous digestive system. An innocent child, which represents everything the Federation tried to burn.”
The room was silent for several minutes. Sasha sat with her head buried in her hands, occasionally stealing glances at the container within which the egg sat and the Gojid sitting across from her. Each time, she wordlessly returned to her stance with a fresh layer of unease across her face.
A voice broke the silence. Shaky, muffled and laden with apprehension. Still, it sounded somehow firm, as though it had reached some sort of conclusion. Sasha sat up slightly straighter, though she kept her face covered.
“How… how are you going to feed it?”
— Memory transcript subject:
Burai, Gojid business owner Date [Standardized Human Time]:
February 30th, 2177 Location:
Lower sprawl of City 23, Venlil Prime
The rest of the group was already asleep downstairs, but Burai couldn’t make himself sleep. He’d dragged himself up to the empty bar and gotten back to work; though physically tired, the flame in his soul wouldn’t let him rest until it burned out. His passionate argument from earlier still filled his spirit with a fire which couldn’t be extinguished; he could at least put it to work tackling the awful pile of now-dried sludge he’d left for himself to clean up later.
There wasn’t much else for it to do, even if the rest of them were still awake. Sasha had conceded to not interfere with raising the Arxur; although she still wasn’t exactly thrilled about the prospect of one living at the Den, Burai’s defense had clearly knocked the wind out of her sails as far as killing it was concerned. The rest of them, having never lived in a world where the Arxur were a spectre of death and agony, were fully onboard from minute one. He might have to hold them back from cutting off their own fingers to feed the hatchling. After nearly an hour of debate, they still hadn’t established where they could get food for it.
A sharp knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and forced him to leave his task before completion once again. In his exhausted state, he nearly opened the door without even thinking. His claw was on the handle before he remembered that he’d left the hidden door to the Den wide open. He dragged himself over to the switch and lazily jabbed it, pointedly ignoring the knocks as they became more insistent.
Finally, once his little show of security theater was concluded to his liking, he sauntered back towards the door. One claw smoothed out his quills absentmindedly. He knew he probably looked like a wreck, although he didn’t have a mirror to prove it. Hopefully, whoever was outside wouldn’t take much notice. He unlocked the door and slipped it open.
“Hey! We’re closed today, but—”
[Subject death detected Memory transcription ended]
submitted by Seamoose_Art
to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
2023.06.03 19:36 DanielKotes Starting seablock: pack vs barebones
So - you finally decided to start a seablock run after playing around in vanilla factorio (or maybe some space exploration / K2 / AE / etc). You load up a new install of factorio, search the mod listing for seablock... and find 2 options: seablock
, and seablock pack
. Perhaps going by the latest update (seablock), or by just the name, you decide to select seablock - start the game... and its not quite the same as you expect (or perhaps you post some screenshots of your starter base online and notice all the comments of 'you got the wrong modpack!'). So let me clarify for you!
Seablock & Seablock pack: Seablock (as a mod) is a barebones mod that includes all the changes necessary to play seablock
. It adds the extra recipes / items, along with checking which mods you have installed and updating their settings for a proper seablock experience. It does not however require all the mods you need for a full seablock experience. Seablock pack (as a mod) is an empty mod that only contains dependencies to all the required mods you want to use to play seablock
. Basically, if you start a vanilla minecraft install and select 'seablock pack' as a mod to install, it will install all the necessary mods for a seablock run (yes - including the 'seablock' mod!) Which of the two to use?
I would highly recommend you install the 'seablock pack
' which will install and enable all the necessary mods for a proper seablock experience. After doing that and ensuring the 'seablock pack' is enabled (not red) you can then disable any of the included mods you dont wish to play with (ex: helmod if you prefer factory planner, explosive excavation if you prefer waterfill). This will disable the 'seablock pack' (marking it red), but that doesnt matter at this point!
What you miss by running barebones (not using seablock pack):
- All of bob's mods
- no multi-tiers for power poles, steam engines, nuclear, solar, furnaces, T4-6 assembly machines, warfare (power armor), beacons, and many more.
- electric assemblers (2x2 assemblers specifically for circuit parts)
- bob's aliens (higher tier worms & return of alien artifacts)
- fluid burning boilers / heat sources (no bean power for you!)
- circuit processing
- additional steps for making circuits
- revamp of the entire module production chain that makes things much more complicated for the authentic seablock experience
- ks power
- this is your windmill mod!
- if you start the game with solar panels & accumulators, its because this mod isnt enabled. This is a good hint that you havent installed the full seablock modpack, and the reason why screenshots of starter bases with solar panels instead of windmills have comments of 'install full seablock pack!!!!'
- landfill painting / waterfill
- set the type of ground used for landfill (unless you like the dirt-brown look of vanilla landfill) and the ability to place water
- reskin mods
- Recolors the various buildings based on tiers (grey/yellow/red/blue/purple/green) instead of having all buildings look the same
- Adds higher resolution graphics
- Changes item graphics to be 'better' and not look as dated
- The other reason your screenshots might get the 'install full seablock pack!!!' comments
- sci cost tweaker
- Switches out the science pack recipes from vanilla to more complicated 'full seablock experience' versions
- Very important!
- Space mod
- Adds an endgame past launching a rocket
- Instead of the game ending after you launch the rocket you now have to research and assemble a spaceship to take you away (win the game)
- Involves hundreds of rocket launches for the space science, along with FTL research (over 1m science packs total required!) which necessitates you to transition to a megabase design to fully complete the game.
Which mods can I remove from the seablock pack and still get the full experience?
- Angels addons storage
- Adds warehouses & high capacity tanks - you can play without them (or install a different warehouse style mod), but I would recommend leaving it
- Bob's (adjustable) inserters
- Allows you to set the pickup/dropoff positions of inserters (aka: you can now have 90* inserters!).
- Very helpful for direct insertion designs, though not strictly necessary for a 'full' seablock experience.
- Give them a try if you never played with them, and if they arent your cup of tea then sure - remove them.
- Bob's Warfare
- Adds higher tier armor, sniper rifles, etc. Really the only major change removing this will have on your game is that instead of a regular radar for your space science you will need to make T5 radars which require like 20+ ingredients (total).
- Used to be that this mod also added a bunch of (unnecessary) war research & sci packs that just bloated the item screen, but that has been removed so there really isnt a good reason to remove this mod
- Explosive excavation
- Adds ability to place water tiles by 'blasting' (requires chem-science with explosives)
- Can be removed & replaced with waterfill or similar if you want easier water placement, or have a preference for a different water placement mod.
- KS Power
- Ok, fine - if you want you can remove this mod and start with solar panels & accumulators. Not really going to loose much in terms of 'authentic seablock experience', but be ready for the 'you arent using the full seablock pack! Install from -here-!' comments for any screenshot of your starter base.
- Landfill painting
- Its nice to have, but if you are ok with the 'default' landfill texture you can just disable this mod.
- The 'what is this item' search mod. Remove it only if you know you will not need it! In any case it is a very minimal mod, so if you dont need it you can just ignore the little icon for it.
- Recipe book is an alternate option
- If this is your first time playing seablock, I would highly recommend keeping this mod!
- This is your planner mod - once you know how to use it you can plan out your factory with it and use correct ratios / recipes instead of having to do all of that on paper (or just guesstimating)
- Remove it only if you have alternative planners!
- factory planner
- YAFC (external program)
- Foreman 2 (external program)
Which additional mods should I add?
Check out the commonly used mods page
on the wiki for ideas. Also, any QOL mods that you prefer (picker mods, companion drones / early robots / nanobots, some version of loaders, squeakthrough, text plates, LTN, longer reach, etc.)
If you want the full seablock experience or came here after watching DoshDoshington (or any other youtube seablock videos) and want to play the game they played then you want to:
- Install factorio and ensure its the latest version
- Disable any mods you may have
- Install the 'seablock pack' (not 'seablock'!) mod
- Ensure that the seablock pack mod is enabled (not red/grey!)
- (optional) disable helmod / install factory planner, add any QOL mods you may want to add (check out the 'commonly used mods' page on the wiki for ideas)
- Start the game (freeplay)
- If you are lost, there are guides available on the seablock wiki, along with a link to the discord server listed right on the reddit page.
submitted by DanielKotes
to Seablock [link] [comments]
2023.06.03 19:34 Professional-Rip-234 My mother wants to remarry, and I have no idea how & what to feel about it.
Hello. This is my first time posting something here, so I hope this get attention of many people because I would appreciate many advice and opinions from other people. It's most likely gonna be long, but please, please, please bear with me.
My mother (40+ years old) wants to remarry. Before I get into that, a little(?) background. We are broken in many aspects especially in relationship, feelings and finance. Honestly, it was just... a life. Good life? I don't know probably never was a good life but never actually know or experience that since I was innocent (Literally, a baby. Like kids.). You know, we live and eat and go to school and just living a normal life. We were not rich but back then, it was enough. We don't have that much money but somehow, it was enough. Would like to be in that time where I don't understand much so I thought I'm living a problem-free life :'). But safe to say, I was happy. We were. For that, Alhamdulillah.
Time passed by, yesterday I was playing tag at the back of the class then suddenly I was 13. Went to boarding school (I was a smart kid. Yeah, was). Financially, it got worse, but we managed. I was 15. Mom got cheated on. My parents divorced. I was in a middle of a big exam, so you know how the situation like but let's not get into that. Got straight A's tho and got into a better boarding school. School started and what I thought just a normal, usual school life turns into a total opposite when I realized I was not smart anymore. It was really hard for me to process things coz I was close to my father. Obviously, I was not in a good mental and even physical condition. Still not tho tsk. Probably got to do with the divorce thingy but we're Asian so no such thing 🤷♀️
My relationship with my father? Bad. It was bad, indeed. Not the screaming yelling at each other kinda bad, my mom did that already. More like not talking, not speaking, not seeing each other for a long time because I despised him, and I was full of resentment kinda bad. Just normal human feelings.
My mom? Same. I mean we're good but not with my father. Back and forth to the court, got the whole custody thing. Mind you she was cheated on, no money whatsoever coz she was a housewife. I watched her rise from ashes like a phoenix and became a stronger woman, a stronger mother to me, my other siblings and our cats.
About 2 years ago maybe? I was 20, I honestly don't remember how but our relationship my father got better. Long story short, we're now talking to each other and all. We're good. We went through a lot, especially my mom. If it can do this much damage to me, imagine my mom. That's what I always tell myself. The reason why I'm telling you my POV a lot and also my mom too because I want you to understand, what it would be in my shoe and also in her shoe.
Ever since, my mom has been single, I've grown used to her dynamic as a single mom and a family of just us you know, and we've developed a close bond over time. But now (well, since around a year ago), she's ready to move on and find love again, and I'm having a hard time processing it all. Despite other hardships that came with life along the way, we're still together.
On one hand, I want my mother to be happy and fulfilled in her life. She deserves love, just like anyone else. Deep down, I want her to be truly happy. But at the same time, I never like the idea of having other person, a new person in my life. Yes, the thought of her finding love and just wanting to marry again, I never like it. Probably because I also didn't agree to the divorce but 'for the best' (But I stayed silent the whole time). I TRIED I SWEAR I TRIED to open my mind and heart, works on some but not everything. I mean I talked to my father again after years so it shouldn't be that bad, but I CANNOT.
I always feel like 'Are we not enough in your life that you have to marry someone else? Do you forget what happened? I thought you all about I'm gonna rise as a woman and like kinda hate man well not hate but like because of what happened you know but now you're want to find love like eww' BUT I knew I was kinda projecting(?) my trauma on her life choices. BUT STILL UGH THIS IS COMPLICATED HELP.
Okay, anyways. She decided to remarry. She said she wanted to discuss about something because someone proposed her. For the first time, I genuinely opened my mind and heart on it. I was surprised I did. Never would I think I would even want to have that discussion, but I did anyways. Probably because I also want the best for her in any ways possible, and I want to understand. I sat there, listening, discussing and asking. But to my surprise, she was not on the same boat. She was defensive. Why? Even other people around us noticed it (her sisters and mom were there too), so we're not really the problem here. What's happening? She did not want to have that conversation she didn't even want to be there atp. I thought we were having a discussion, what's with the tone? It's not like we didn't want it or anything, dang we're not even there yet, it was just questions, but she was pissed. Why?
Even her sister called her out for being too defensive, we were just asking questions of course we want to know. Atp she just thinks my mom was never really want to discuss after all, she just wants to have it her own way. She keeps repeating stuff like, why can't you understand simple thing? Gesturing and even her tone depicting that she's annoyed with all the questions and say stuff like 'It's my life', 'if you don't like it go and live with your father' and all. Obviously, it's not a simple thing. Yea, it's your life but in your life consists of us here and well, I'm old enough to voice myself out, but what about the others? They are literally 12 years old and younger; they have no choice but to just follow, no? Someone needs to at least let them be clear of what their life would be, no? What if they feel a sense of loss and apprehension. I worry about how this new relationship might change them. Will they still have the same level of closeness and connection with her? Will they feel left out or neglected? How about their safety? yes, safety. You'll know later why I said that. These questions keep swirling in my mind, creating uncertainty and anxiety. We're discussing here to clear things up, obviously this is not just 'simple thing'. Me aside, you are bringing in these kids to a new life, it's not 'simple' and there is no way in hell they will voice it out. Especially to my mom. She's always so defensive. Prolly because of what happened. SEE? I understand her, but at the same time, I ... UGH.
You know what makes it even more... I don't know the word but here's the thing. WE ARE BROKE. Even now. I asked her, what that man do for a living, how much is his salary? She was pissed, I can tell. I justify my questions, I explained, NICELY, like how today's world is not the same as back then. If he can't afford to financially support us, prolly need to rethink and all. Considering that my mom will turn to be a housewife again after marrying that man (which most probably the case she always dreams of a break from work and just yk live), I JUST DON'T WANT SAME THING TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know at one point you would want to point it out this while reading this - Yes, I can work and support my whole family. But I'm still studying and struggling to even battle these whispers in my head. I always feel like I'm useless. I'm taking all this courses and all so that I can start work asap. I'm useless and such a burden. Correct. But I'm working on it, it takes time I'm sorry I'm not smart anymore, it takes so much time. I even start learning trading, but I just don't understand anything I'm dumb now. Although at times I felt so unfair. They, especially my mom wants me to continue studying, get into uni all but when people were insulting me for being a burden living in this house rent free while my mom works, they are just silent. Almost like they are agreeing. When I burst and say that I don't want to even do this I do this for them, suddenly everyone have amnesia. Implying that I take this upon myself. If I dont get into uni, I'm a failure. Now, I get into uni and they don't even acknowledge my mental struggle and insulting me here and there - still a failure. Never mind, it's not relevant to this story sorry.
That man is like 2 or 3 years younger than my mom. Has a son. A pilot. So, financially no problem me think. But comes another... lowkey red flag to me - my mom has no idea who he is. Apparently, a friend of my mom introduced my mom to him, and I don't know he likes my mom and want to marry her? ugh it's all third party kinda connection. And she refused to explain clearly. They only know each other through this one friend. No chat or call or meeting whatsoever, like the old time? yea like the old time. The thing is, this is not like old time. That man is literally stranger, only know him from a picture, only know his name, age, a little background and that's it. Same goes for the man. That's when me and other older sibling started to kinda question her decision here a lil bit. Does she genuinely want to start a new life or she just desperate of validation or like I don't know what's happening here I have no clue but wtf? and the audacity to even - sorry if it's sounds like I'm condemning, but she's bringing in these kids especially into a new life WITH A STRANGER come on. I don't have to explain much I think most people can tell what I think and feel dkjncijsdnvjc I'm lost.
It's important for me to emphasize that I don't want to stand in the way of her happiness. I fully support her decision to remarry if it brings her joy. But this? He also wants to meet us next week and you know, she also highlights this - that man doesn't want to take long time so kinda let's meet, discuss and marry asap. We thought like okay maybe after we all met him, can have some time for them to get to know each other but no. No time wasting, let's marry. Like...? And what year is this, she was like "there's something call love after marriage." If you're Muslim, probably familiar of this mindset(?). It's not wrong tho but today's world umm I'm not sure if it's applicable as much.
He also wants us all to move in his house. I have a younger sister. How many stepfathers rape stepdaughter news out there that she needs to realize that this is not some kind of a game. You might think I'm overreacting and all but not my fault. She doesn't even know him personally, his heart, his mind like lucky if he's genuinely a good guy but if he's not? Why are she putting our life on obvious uncertainties like this? Taking unnecessary risk like this just because you want to get marry, I just don't understand this part. She's taking things lightly. She needs to consider so many things and factors here. This is not a light thing, this is literally, a massive life changing event. I'm all justified to think of that.
Even my other older sibling doesn't really like how this going. When I ask her, does she want to accept the proposal. She said yes. I ask why? I mean even she doesn't know much about him, what makes her say yes. We want to know, we need to know, hence the discussion. She replies with everything and anything but a real answer, and she pissed.
This is where I turn to you, fellow Redditors. Have any of you been in a similar situation? Any advice or personal anecdotes would be greatly appreciated. I understand that every situation is unique, but hearing different perspectives might help me gain some clarity and reassurance. I want to navigate this situation with love and understanding, for my mother, myself and my younger siblings that still under her care.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my long ass story and share your experiences. Your insights mean a lot to me, and I'm grateful for all of you. I will update after we meet him, next week. Thank you again!
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2023.06.03 19:23 fiarvest 63-57 Fresh Pond Rd. -Is this correct? Going to be a giant daycare?
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2023.06.03 19:00 Polyporus_squamosus How do I make a transition from controls to something mostly unrelated?
I am 24F, still an EE student, about halfway through (I started late because I went to tech school first), with plans to have my bachelor's by 2025 and master's by 2026. I am also currently working in a sustaining automation engineer position for a local factory in a large manufacturing company.
I love my job, am really good at it, and am paid well. My boss and coworkers want to keep me here, and I honestly feel a bit guilty for wanting to do something different. But the truth is, I don't want to do controls for the rest of my life. The way things are going, I see myself working in controls for 10 or so years, then getting into management. (That's the path that my higher-ups would like to set me on, at least.)
I want to BUILD stuff, not manage people. Sure, I can probably get paid really well in the type of role I'm being groomed for, and I know I would do it well, but I love having my hands in the process and actively designing, solving problems, and creating. I foresee that aspect of my job being greatly reduced in the future.
Besides, I feel I could do more. I do really well in school and love every subject that's introduced, and it's showing me that there's so much to this field that I'd be missing out on by staying in controls for the rest of my life. It would be a comfortable path, but I think I'd regret not exploring more.
I am fascinated by ASIC and MEMS design because of the challenge of both design and production, signal processing because I like math, and machine learning because I like (another kind of) math. My dream would be to do something that will hopefully make some sort of lasting impact on the field, though I recognize that may be a difficult one to fulfill.
The problem is, it would be really hard for me to give up my salary and start over again. I'm making almost 80k in my job now. I know I'm young, so I SHOULD have lots of flexibility, but I really like being this comfy and am not willing to give it up.
I'm at a bit of an impasse, then. I want to get into a field that's mostly unrelated to my current job without taking too much of a pay cut.
Does this sound possible at all, or should I just a) bite the bullet and take the cut or b) stay in controls? And is this a decision I should make as soon as I graduate, or do you think I could still have a good career in my chosen field if I waited a few years?
Obviously, even if I become a manager, I'll still design and build stuff on my own time. It's just that I feel I'd go from a fulfilling job to an unfulfilling one. And miss out on a lot of what the field has to offer.
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