Demographics: - Gender: Male - Race/Ethnicity: Asian(lol) - Residence: Kenya - Income Bracket: Not seeking aid. - Type of School: Private - Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): None - Intended Major(s): Computer Science Academics: - GPA (UW/W): N/A - Rank (or percentile): N/A - Senior Year Course Load: IGCSE(9A*1A), AS LEVEL(4A), TRANSCRIPT(Mostly A's and a couple of B's) - Standardized TestingSAT I: 1490 (690RW, 800M) Superscore: - 1510 (71-RW, 800M) Extracurriculars/Activities: #1 Mentee, Microsoft Peer to Peer Mentorship - I worked to fix bugs, improve code efficiency, and brainstorm solutions to problems. Attended workshops focused on AI, Security and Data science. #2 Youth ambassador, project leader, and member, Friends of Nairobi National Park (FoNNaP)-Active participant in board meetings & national park clean-up. Gave talks at various school to increase youth involvement and led many projects. #3 Member, Beauty and Joy of Computing(BJC) Summer Program @ University of California Berkeley-An intensive 2 wks program held at Berkeley. I enhanced and applied my coding skills. Met with diverse people and deepened my passion for technology. #4 Soccer, Captain- As a captain, I participated in several tournaments & matches representing my academy. I learnt valuable teamwork, leadership, & improved my fitness. #5 Online Education, MITx 6.00.1x Introduction to Computer Science and Programming using Python Persevered & achieved overall grade of 91%. Learned algorithmic complexity, a notion of computation & the process of testing, debugging using Python. (Listed like almost all the cs courses I did online prolly did like more than 50 lol in the additional section) #6 Member, Technology & Entrepreneurship Ladder- A UC Berkeley Kenyan students initiative to provide students in Kenya with a platform for tech entrepreneurship. Attended all workshops and talks. #7 Founder & Tutor, Coding Club- Taught weekly lessons in Python through structured syllabus. Improved my leadership skills, confidence, & promoted tech enthusiasm in my school. #8 John Hopkins Center for Talented Youth program- A prestigious opportunity reserved for academically gifted individuals who excel beyond their peers. My exemplary performance on the School and College Ability Test, which measures math and verbal reasoning skills in gifted children, allowed me to be part of the ‘High Honor’ student body. As an awardee of this program, I have had the privilege of participating in advanced coursework and enriching my academic pursuits. #9Completer and tutor, Kumon- I completed Kumon English & Math from Grade 8. I was also appointed to tutor my fellow students in Math. Forged bonds with fellow students. #10 plus some other standard ones like leadership, volunteering etc but nothing outta the ordinary!
Awards/Honors Honestly my weakest point but literally just had loads of school subject awards, a cs competition award, and some foreign language diplomas. Letters of Recommendation CS Teacher (8/10): She knew me quite well and wrote about my involvement in competitions etc.Physics Teacher (10/10): Always topped his classes and I was his fav student so it was very good.Chemistry(9/10): Wrote about me spending my lunch times doing labs but it was quite good cos he liked me a lot.
Interviews Stanford: Honestly found it amazing! My interviewer was also from Kenya and she said I would be an extremely good fit. Went on for nearly 2 hours Decisions EA: Georgia Tech: Deferred(Then Accepted in RD), UIUC CS(Grainger): Accepted RD: Accepted: USC(Scholarship), Wisconsin-Madison, Maryland, Michigan, Georgia Tech, Minnesota(Scholarship), Purdue, UT-AUSTIN, BU(Scholarship), UCIRVINE, UCSD, UCDAVID Waitlisted(Didnt accept the spot.) - UCLA Rejected: Cornell, Columbia, Yale, Northwestern, Upenn, Cornell, Harvard, Stanford, CMU, UCBERKELEY, Duke, John Hopkins.

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"Hello, everyone, we finally have everyone in the same place for a team meeting," Daniel began, looking around the half empty meeting room at his for subordinates, glad that the Captain had approved their console being manned by someone who could only read the sensors for a short time with the fleet supporting them. "I know over the past week or so I've been somewhat absent, but that should hopefully be all over now."
"Are we really almost done down there?" Sergeant Zent asked.
"Yes. The last report I got said that Bunker 14 only had 8,000 cryo pods left to extract, though they're on the bottom floor, so it's taking a bit longer than the others," he explained. "They're hoping to have the bunker empty by tomorrow morning, and then a decision has to be made around Bunker 26, whether to spend time getting everything out, or to just leave it. That's not for us to decide though."
"What's actually going on with that bunker, Sir?" Corporal Kreklan asked.
"Well, they can't get the mining equipment down to get the proper transport system in, so people and drones are carrying boxes of seeds and eggs out, prioritising species we didn't get from the other bunkers. It's a big vault, and they're not really that far in yet."
"Is there nothing we can do to help? Maybe figure out a way to get the equipment down?" Corporal Kreklan suggested.
"You're free to think of a solution if you'd like, but we don't have anything that can survive the storm that also has the capacity to carry the bore they need, even in parts over multiple trips. The bore is big, and the corvette cargo holds aren't," Daniel explained. "Non-bore methods have been explored, but I'm not on the decision making team, so I don't know why they haven't been utilised. All I know is we can't get much down there, and the bunker is at constant risk of collapse."
"So what should we do now, Sir?" Sergeant Zent asked.
"Carry on with your normal duties. If you come up with any good ideas, I'll pass them along, but otherwise, don't worry about the bunker situation. Just focus on keeping the ship's systems secure, and making sure nothing sneaks up on us."
"Understood, Sir," Sergeant Zent replied.
“So, onto the main focus of this meeting: the team. How are you all doing? Anything you’d like to bring up? Issues, requests, concerns, commendations?”
“I’d like to commend Sergeant Zent for keeping the team running effectively while you were assisting the Langan, Sir,” Corporal Turner told him.
“Yes, I’m aware of the work you’ve been putting in, Sergeant, and I am very grateful,” Daniel agreed. "I am also grateful for all of you stepping up to the task and making sure someone is on the console at all times."
“Thank you, Sir,” Corporal Turner replied. “Sorry to bring down the mood, but I do have a minor complaint to lodge about something outside of the team.”
“Oh?”
“Many people across the ship are feeling useless. We have a high crew complement and not enough work to fill the majority of their time. I don’t feel like our team is at that stage yet with all the additional minor tasks we’ve got for when we’re not busy, but those are going to eventually run out. People are bored and feel trapped.”
“I can understand that. Things will be changing in a few days, and there will likely be a lot more work to do, but for now there’s not a lot that can be done about that. Unless everyone wants extra inspections, that is.”
“I don’t think people are that desperate for something to do, Sir,” Corporal Turner quickly backtracked.
“But seriously though, if someone has an issue with their workload, they should talk to their senior officer. If your tasks are running low, let me know and I’ll figure something out. If other people feel like they can’t approach their senior officer, then let me know and I’ll see what I can do about it.”
“Well, some of the other officers can be a little daunting to approach, especially some of the Sub-Lieutenants, and it seems most other teams aren’t comfortable going up a level above them, so everyone just seems to talk amongst each other.”
“Hmm, I’ll have a word and see if something can be pushed down then,” he assured her.
“Thank you, Sir.”
“Is there anything else anyone wishes to highlight now?” Daniel asked.
“I would like to know how long we plan on remaining in orbit like this, Sir,” Corporal Kreklan asked.
“I don’t know for sure. It depends on the aforementioned seed and egg vault. We could be leaving as early as tomorrow, or we could be out here for another week. I can’t say any more than that.”
“Do you know what we will be doing once we do leave though, Sir?” the Centaur asked.
“Either assisting with the Langan’s resettlement or going on leave, though some people will be going on leave regardless, namely the crew of the Ridgerider, who are being given some time after their recent experience.”
“Understood, Sir.”
“If that is all…? Time to move onto the reports then!” Daniel declared, watching everyone’s shoulders sink.
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“Ah, Hardbrooks, just the man I wanted to see,” Captain Harris exclaimed as he entered her ready room, gesturing for him to sit down. “How can I help?”
“I just wanted to give you some feedback from a recent team meeting,” he began, taking a seat. “My team is in a fairly comfortable position, but there are some concerns around the crew in general. Workloads seem very light, and people seem apprehensive to approach superiors for new orders.”
“I’m aware. Unfortunately, we just have too many people on the ship. We have an above average level of automation, as well as an above average number for crew, and the situation we’re in only calls for a small proportion of them to work. Command wanted to be sure we had everyone we could need, but didn’t stop to think about the consequences of that,” she grumbled, rubbing her eyes. “I’ll be honest, the Navy won’t be handling any future exploration missions like this once I’ve had a nice little chat with Command. But, in the meantime, I’ll cascade some more work to keep people busy, and authorise more downtime. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.”
“Of course, Captain, and thank you as well,” he replied. “Was there something you wanted to speak to me about?”
“Yes. Do you remember your time back in Bunker 26?”
“It’s hard to forget it collapsing with us inside.”
“I’m sure, and I’m not sending you back down before you get worried. I wanted to ask you about the state of the bunker while you were down there. The recordings didn’t come out clear enough to pick up on some small things.”
“Oh, like what?”
“We’ve had serious issues with sections of the bunker collapsing. What was the state of it when you entered?”
“Very icy, but intact. Obviously that changed when the ice started melting with our activity and some chunks of ice fell down, but there was only the one collapse when we left.”
“So no obvious large cracks lining the floor, walls, and ceiling?”
“No.”
“I see…. No chance you could have missed them?” she asked, flicking up a hologram of the bunker.
“Small cracks, maybe, but nothing like that,” he replied, staring in shock at the long cracks stretching around the bunker, almost dividing it in half. “Captain-”
“Yes, it’s very dangerous, and it’s obvious that things are falling apart very quickly. We’re just trying to figure out how quickly.”
“How much has been extracted?”
“About 30%. We’re not getting it all out. The vault is starting to show signs of collapsing too.”
“And we still have people in there?”
“We’re trying to extract the remaining eggs. The seeds have a better chance of surviving being frozen, so now we’re just guaranteeing that enough of all species survive to repopulate.”
“Is it worth the risk though?”
“That’s what I’m trying to determine. Shield generators have been installed to support the roof, but it’s not clear if they’ll be able to hold back a cave-in.”
“I don’t think it is. If we suffer from another accident, there’s no guarantee a Deity will step in to save everyone again. In fact, it’s probably guaranteed that none will after they essentially stepped in to tell us that place is a bad idea.”
“Very well, I’ll tell Vice Admiral Braun that another person that has experienced that place is saying pull out,” she concluded.
“So I’m not the first to say people should get out?”
“No, but you’re the most senior person that isn’t me.”
“... How has this been justified so far!?”
“Extreme circumstances.”
“... I think I’m going to lodge a complaint.”
“Here you go,” she replied, sliding a tablet across her desk.
“Wow, thanks,” he replied, looking at the already near complete form, reviewing all the input details to make sure that they were all correct. “Is there anything else worrying about the Vice Admiral’s command that I might want to review?”
“Nothing related to you. He’s just pushing the limits of safety when the normal precautions can’t be established.”
“Hmm…. Why does it seem like everyone above us is incompetent?”
“The Navy is under a lot of pressure from the Government to sort this whole situation out. The President of the UPC found out about the signal a couple of years ago, and since then he’s been hounding Command to get out here and identify the source and deal with it. Command has thankfully been shielding us from the pressure for the most part, but now they’re getting sloppy after they can finally see the end in sight.”
“That changes my opinion about a few things.”
“I’m sure it does, but they’re still making inexcusable mistakes, especially now that the element of time has essentially been re-”
“Captain, we have seismic disturbances around Bunker 26!” someone announced over comms.
“Get the team out immediately,” she ordered, jumping out of her chair.
“Expecting this?” Daniel asked as he rose as well. “That’s one hell of a coincidence….”
“I had those sensors installed for a reason, even if I didn’t know the timing,” she replied, rushing to the bridge. “What’s the team’s status!?”
“They’re all exiting the bunker as fast as they can,” Lieutenant Commander Sentrela replied. “Someone on the ground ordered it a few seconds before you.”
“What’s the seismic situation like?”
“Increasing and originating from the bunker, though the footsteps are making it hard to accurately read,” Lieutenant Thomson explained.
“Status of the team?”
“The members are all outside. The drones are close behind,” Lieutenant Commander Sentrela told her.
“Seismic activity is spiking,” Lieutenant Thomson warned the Captain.
“I just lost a signal to a carrier drone,” Lieutenant Commander Williams announced. “And a second. The rest are out of the bunker.”
“Confirming collapse of Bunker 26. I’m not detecting any voids underground. The vault isn’t there anymore,” Lieutenant Thomson stated.
“Am I correct in thinking the team made it out?” Captain Harris asked.
“We have no casualties, only two lost drones,” Lieutenant Commander Sentrela confirmed. “Incoming communication from the CNS Batlow, Ma’am.”
“Put it through,” Captain Harris replied, sitting in her chair.
“Captain Harris, did you just order operations to stop at Bunker 26?” Vice Admiral Braun asked over the comm.
“I did, though I wasn’t the first to give the order,” she replied.
“Why? This will delay the operation further.”
“Because the operation at Bunker 26 has concluded. It’s collapsed. We didn’t suffer any casualties because that order was given out.”
The Vice Admiral paused for a moment, evidently caught off guard. “I didn’t give you the authority to halt operations though.”
“Saving lives in split second decisions is well within my authority, Vice Admiral,” she replied, slightly emphasising the first part of his rank. "Every senior officer present in the system has the right to call an operation off if they deem it necessary."
“I should have been informed before any action was taken.”
“Vice Admiral, do you mean to say that I shouldn’t have given life saving orders? Did you not hear me when I said the bunker collapsed?”
“You shouldn’t have undermined my authority.”
“Just to be clear, I shouldn’t have followed standard protocol and instead wasted precious time asking for permission before evacuating them, likely resulting in the mass loss of life? Permission I was never told I needed, nor should I need?”
“Well….”
“Yes or no? Make it very clear for the record please.”
The comms cut off.
“Make sure that one is correctly saved. I might have to push for some changes in the house when we get back.”
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We have done it. The end of another school year! Before we jump into this last set of stories, remember to subscribe to ReddX, home of the best cringe content on YouTube. Promise, swearsies, it’s just a fact and it’s totally science. Go ahead and look it up!
I miss that intro a lot so I figured I’d just write it in. I waited until after graduation to post this because, with ManiBeard at graduation, I figured anything could happen. And it did. And with that, let’s jump into this last set of beardy tales (for this school year). Let’s a-go.

1. “No Place Like Home (Campus)”

I was in a pretty good mood because I found out that district was ticked off at admin for considering moving my Cave to a different room next year and because they keep using my Cave as ‘backup’ for state testing. Evidently, the district was unaware this was happening but after I had complained to Cook about the extent of it she went to the district and, well, I’m keeping my Cave next year right where it is, and testing use will be limited. I won without lifting a finger. Sometimes bureaucracy works. Not often, but it’s beautiful when it does.
Of course, that good mood was not to last…
On this day I had a meeting with all the other Graphic Design teachers at another campus. We will call it Clique High School (because ‘cult’ may or may not be YouTube-friendly).
The first thing you need to know is I have a history with CHS. Remember, all the way back in chapter 1 where I mention I was a substitute teacher at Standard High before they hired me as a teacher? Well, there was one part I left out because it was irrelevant to that story, but it becomes relevant here. It is true I did sub at SHS, but the part I left out was that for half of the 2020-2021 school year (Covid year), I was a long-term sub at another campus and that campus was Clique High School. To say it was a poor experience would be underselling it immensely. You could say that Elon Musk is well off but that doesn’t really express the massive mounds of money that malevolent menace truly had. Likewise, saying I had a poor experience at CHS doesn’t really express the absolutely traumatizing, terrible, troublesome experience that my life there. It got so bad that I would leave work, cry the entire 30-minute drive to SHS, pick up Beatle, and make him drive the rest of the way home because my eyes were sore from crying.
What did I do at CHS? Well, I was a long-term sub in ESL. That’s where I got my start with it. When I walked in at the start of that year I’d never had a high school classroom before, I had no lesson plans, limited access to the curriculum since I was a sub, and I was teaching virtually because Covid…and what did I do? I build a curriculum, bonded with my class, and wrote my own lesson plans (even though subs generally don’t write plans). Basically, I rebuilt their ESL program. I did apply for the job. After all, I was already doing all of the work for substitute pay. I may as well get teacher pay for being a teacher. Right? Wrong.
They did interview me for the job but then proceeded to yank me around for half a semester before finally saying they were going to hire someone else. Who? No idea. But not me. But they wanted me to continue to long-term sub and do what I was doing until they found someone. Honestly, when I didn’t get the job part of me was pissed because of all the work I put in, but part of me was relieved. You see, the culture at CHS isn’t like the culture at SHS. Their principal, whom we will call Mr. D (for reasons that will soon be clear), had been named the district’s principal of the year and his staff completely fawned over him…a staff mostly comprised of women. The male-to-female ratio at CHS was considerably more unbalanced than at SHS. What struck me as odd was that Mr. D did not seem to warrant such admiration. During my interactions with him, I got slimy car salesman vibes more than high school principal. I would come to find out that this went deeper than I knew.
Remember AVIDBeard? Yeah, to her credit she was the one that warned me. Mostly I think she saw a chance to gossip, but nonetheless. I was visiting SHS and telling the English dept. how much I missed subbing for them (they actually liked me at this time…this was long before EnglishBeard even worked there so certainly before that whole thing made me a pariah). They missed me too. Although honestly, they missed having a sub at their becken call. Let’s be real. Anyway, AVIDBeard was all too happy to jump in with gossip.
“Be careful over there Mandy,” AVIDBeard said.
“Why? What do you know?” I asked.
“I had a training over there once and this teacher that works there started freaking out because the instructor, who was also a teacher there, was late. She started to have an anxiety attack and when I asked her what was wrong she said ‘Daddy isn’t going to like this’,” AVIDBeard explained.
“What?!” everyone in the room asked at once.
AVIDBeard nodded, “I know! So I asked her, ‘you call your principal Daddy?’ and she said ‘of course.’.”
I raised an eyebrow. I was skeptical, to say the least. Even then I knew AVIDBeard was not a reliable source. But, on the off chance she was telling the truth I had to know. CHS wasn’t exactly full of friendly teachers. In fact, where everyone at SHS had been welcoming, it had been the very opposite at CHS. They treated me like an outsider they were skeptical of. I had managed to at least have somewhat of a dialogue with the librarian. She helped me to ensure that my ESL students had books in their native languages to read during the pandemic. I went to her one day to ask about scheduling some book pick-ups for the students (this was when teachers were on-campus but students were virtual).
“Hey, can I ask you something?” I asked after we had figured out scheduling.
“Sure, what’s up?” she asked.
“OK, so it’s dumb, but someone told me you guys call Mr. D ‘daddy’. Silly, right?” I said with a laugh.
She just blinked, “Who told you that?”
Her reaction caught me off guard. She wasn’t laughing. My eyes widened, “Um, I don’t remember, it just got mentioned in passing.”
“Don’t ask anyone else that question…just…don’t even mention it,” she said.
I blinked. I wanted out of this conversation, “OK, I won’t. I’ll just forget I ever heard about it.”
She nodded and turned away, “I have work to do. If you need more books let me know.”
I rushed back to my classroom. After that, the librarian was very cold toward me.
To this day I honestly believe that the reason Mr. D didn’t hire me was because I’m too strong-willed and I have a big mouth…neither fits well into a cult-like structure, which it is very obvious CHS is.
At the semester break, they hadn’t yet hired anyone and asked me to stay for the rest of the year as a long-term sub. Basically, they wanted to pay me sub pay for an entire year of teaching. I told them ‘no way’ and I begged the district and Mr. Principal to let me return to subbing at SHS. I didn’t even care that regular sub pay was less than long-term sub pay. I just wanted out…and it turns out it all worked in my favor because obviously Mr. Principal ended up hiring me for the very job that Mr. D rejected me from and I’m very happy where I am now. And I don’t even have to call Mr. Principal ‘daddy’. Gag! Say what you will about Standard High, but I’ll take it over CHS any day.
OK, I know that was a lot of backstory, but I truly need you to understand why I so vehemently loathe everything about CHS and moreover why even being there gives me a mild case of PTSD.
Alright then, where were we? Oh yeah. Meeting for Graphic Design teachers over at CHS. I was not happy about this because I hate being at CHS of course, but I also hated leaving my students with a sub this close to the end of the year. But, alas, there I was. I walked into the familiar, loathsome halls. Daddy was in the main hall greeting his subjects.
“Mandy? What are you doing here?” he asked as he looked me over. I was in full-school spirit mode. SHS staff shirt and matching school spirit Converse I had custom-made.
“Graphic Design meeting,” I said.
“Oh, you teach Graphic Design now?” he asked.
I nodded, “Yeah, I did so great at fixing their ESL program they gave me my true dream job and now I’m relaunching their graphic design program.” OK, so it was a bit of embellishment, but I wanted him to know that his loss was SHS’s gain.
“Shame…we have an ESL position open here at The Clique,” Mr. D said. That’s how he referred to his campus. Imagine if the school’s name was Blue Mountain High and he called it The Mountain. Yeah…cringey.
“Oh yeah? I heard Patty didn’t stay,” I said. Patty was who they hired instead of me. She ended up retiring after one year at ‘The Clique’.
“Yeah, well we hired Emmy to replace Patty and now she is leaving,” Mr. D said.
“Shame…yeah, I’m still at SHS and quite happy. I heard principals were turning to poaching from other high schools so I’ll save you the trouble. I’m not poachable,” I said, wanting to get away from him.
“You could have your old job in your old room,” Mr. D said in a tone that made me very uneasy.
“I have a perfectly lovely Cave. Besides, my husband works at SHS too and I like being on the same campus as the love of my life,” I said, pointedly.
“If you change your mind, let me know. Enjoy your meeting. Welcome back to The Clique,” Mr. D said as I quickly walked away to find the room Graphic Design was meeting in.
Now, this may come as a surprise to you all, but I am NOT a social creature. Truly. Beatle is my best friend and aside from Cali all my other friends are on the ReddX Discord (hence my desire to not get myself banned over there). And I am 150% ok with that. At that moment I wanted to be in my Cave more than anything. The pressure to be ‘on’ and social was beyond exhausting to me, especially this late in the year. But, always the professional, I mustered every bit of perky in me to be lovely to my other-campus counterparts.
This proved to be a challenge. One of them, more of a Karen than a Beard really, would not shut up about how amazing her campus was and how she never had issues with phones because her kids were so well-behaved. She also said she couldn’t post work early because they would have it done before they ever got to class. Oh, and of course she is teaching graphic design because she needed a break from her real job as an engineer. And oh, did she mention she is an engineer? Because she’s an engineer. She also went on and on about how she didn’t like the curriculum at another campus she was at so she complained and got 68 teachers from all over the country to back her up and they changed the whole curriculum to what she wanted. OK, whatever. I wanted to ask if everyone stood up and cheered too.
Another teacher was just insufferable. She kept asking for the same bloody stuff over and over even after being told it wasn’t in the budget. She didn’t know the cost of any of it, just that everything she wanted (think equipment and software licenses) was expensive and our budget is next to nothing right now. She didn’t even make arguments as to why we needed it. She just kept asking for the same stuff in the same way. All of it was stuff we didn’t need and most of us wouldn’t even use.
I contributed my thoughts on what I felt needed to be added to the curriculum, which was met with agreement. I really only had that one suggestion. The rest of the time I let them do their thing, which was woefully unorganized, disjointed, and overall a waste of time I could be grading papers. And so I decided that while they did their thing I would organize my Google Drive. As I was doing this I noticed something. I was still the owner on ALL the ESL files for SHS. Not just the ones I created…ALL OF THEM. If I were to hit delete SHS would literally have to start from scratch organizing their program with new teachers next year. But Ms. Dean did make clear I was to have nothing to do with ESL anymore. If I deleted the folders was that malicious compliance? Or just being a bitch for the sake of it? I still haven’t decided…I find the situation humorous, in not a bit morally ambiguous.
Ultimately, it was decided that 1 day wasn’t enough for our meeting so we would meet again one week later at the same place. I declined. I needed to be on my campus because I did have actual work to do. Grades would be due the day they wanted to meet. I wasn’t the only one. About half of the graphic design teachers agreed to meet again the following week and we would all be meeting again August 1st. So I get to start my school year back at ‘The Clique’. Lovely.
Yeah, this was a very real reminder that for all the beardery at Standard High, it could be SO much worse.

1. “Lunchtime!”

After that long mammoth of a tale that the last story was, here is a short one for you.
This happened the day after my meeting at CHS. Sonia wanted to end the school year with some team building so she asked Ms. Dean if they could have an off-campus team meeting at a nearby restaurant and grab some food. Ms. Dean told them no. Sonia then decided they would just order takeaway and do the same thing on campus. She reserved a conference room and everything.
So the day of the eat and meet came. Beatle had ordered some enchiladas and was looking forward to a hot meal during the workday. CovidBeard didn’t go because she said she wasn’t feeling well and needed to just go home early. I know that comes as a shock. Meanwhile, ManiBeard decided he would sit next to his bff, Beatle. ManiBeard hadn’t ordered any food because ‘the catering menu looked good, but nothing on the regular menu appealed to me’. What ManiBeard did have, however, was a bag of crackers. As Beatle tried to eat his food, ManiBeard both ate his crackers and talked at the same time. It didn’t take long for Beatle to realize that small bits of cracker crumbs were flying at him and his food. He shifted to the side to dodge the airborne particles that threatened to infect his space. It was here that ManiBeard declared he had signed his contract but still wasn’t sure if he would be back next year because he had until July 3rd to pull out of his contract and he really just didn’t want to make a commitment.
After the meeting, everyone went their own way, except ManiBeard, who cornered Beatle in the mudroom. I was in my Cave waiting for him when I got a text ‘SOS, I’ve been cornered! Mudroom!’
I sighed, “Come on Wee One. We have to go save Dad.”
Wee One chuckled, “Oh no.” She followed me faithfully as we headed downstairs.
“Oh, good, you’re here already. We gotta go Love. Wee One has that thing…see ya later ManiBeard!” I said as I grabbed Beatle’s arm as I passed and just kept walking.
The next day Beatle went into Sonia’s room for inclusion and she smiled at him, “Sure you got all the crumbs off?” she teased.
Beatle rolled his eyes, “Right?!”
Sonia nodded, “ManiBeard is why I don’t eat lunch in the workroom anymore. ManiBeard would walk over to me and just stand over me…like right over me…and talk while he ate which would just send food everywhere. One day he was eating some chicken salad and a piece of chicken flew out of his mouth and landed on my arm.”
“Oh bloody hell. That’s disgusting,” Beatle said before vowing not to be near ManiBeard eating ever again.

1. “Little Lies”

Ever since it was announced PastorBeard was the new dept head he had been walking around like a roster puffing out his chest. He had also been going out of his way to talk to Beatle, as if to rub in that he got the dept head job and Beatle didn’t. It was annoying, but I stayed out of it. I even played nice when PastorBeard stopped me in the parking lot one day and asked me about my weekend plans while I was waiting for Beatle.
“What are you plans this weekend, Mandy?” PastorBeard asked as he leaned against the side of my car.
“Oh, nothing major. Weekend chores. Beatle has some school work to get done and he’s going to put some snake repellant in the yard…I’ll probably clean the house and spend some time with my mum,” I said, trying to be pleasant as I could be. What I really wanted to do was to tell him he was a bastard that should never teach, let alone lead a dept.
“You should come to watch me on Sunday. I’m preaching his weekend,” he said with a smile. His tone came off like he intended it to be a flex.
I forced a smiled, “No thanks. Not my thing.”
“God isn’t ‘your thing’?” he asked, leaning towards me a bit.
I took a step back, “Not the same one you believe in.” I started absentmindedly playing with the Flower of Aphrodite pendant I wore around my neck.
“Are you Catholic or something?” he asked.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. People presumed since Beatle was Irish that we were a Catholic family a lot. Instead, I shook my head, “No. Actually, if you must know, I’m Pagan.”
PastorBeard looked taken aback, “Oh…I see.”
“So, while I appreciate the invite…not my thing,” I said again.
“You should come anyway. I’d love to look out on Sunday and see you there. And who knows? If you hear what I have to say you may change your mind about being pagan,” PastorBeard said with a cocky smile.
I looked around hoping Beatle and Wee One were going to be there soon, “I doubt it…anyway…um…I hate to keep you on a Friday.”
“I’m not in a rush. You’re fine,” he said, “Did you hear I’m the new dept head?”
“Yeah. I know,” I said, “Beatle told me. He applied to you know.”
“I know. They need someone that is a strong leader for the job though, someone that can guide the dept the way I guide the church. They can’t pick someone with a weak personality. A man should be able to lead…his church, his work, and of course his wife,” PastorBeard said pointedly.
“Uh huh…a good leader knows when to defer to those wiser than he,” I said as I saw Beatle and Wee One, “Love! Hey!” I waved.
Beatle saw PastorBeard and looked unhappy, “Hi PastorBeard.”
“Have a good weekend you guys. See you later Mandy…think about my offer,” he said as he went and got into his truck that sat on tires far too big for it.
“What was that?” Beatle asked when we got in the car.
I shrugged, “He was either hitting on me or he was just being a pompous arse…or both. Hard to say.”
And we went on our way.
The next work day Beatle walked into the workroom and saw PastorBeard in there talking to Vera (the assistant mentioned in chapter 26.)
“Just do your best to set them up for success,” PastorBeard told Vera as he walked out of the workroom.
Vera sighed.
“Are you ok mate?” Beatle asked her.
Vera shook her head, “We’re almost done. Almost there.”
“What happened?” Beatle asked.
“Well, only 2 of the kids in that group in the hall workspace need my help,” Vera said pointing to a group outside PastorBeard’s room, “The others are kids missing work and PastorBeard kicked them out of the classroom. I’m supposed to watch them and make sure they behave but they already told me they aren’t going to do anything.”
Beatle’s expression went dark, “You’re a SPED assistant. Not a babysitter.”
“I know, but I’ve never seen him actually help anyone. He doesn’t go around the room to help. Just tells them to be quiet and pokes them. I don’t know why he feels the need to touch them. He tells them if they need help they can go to him and he just sits at his desk the whole time…but no one is gonna go to him for help because they don’t like him,” Vera vented.
Beatle sighed, “You know he’s dept head next year, right?”
“Oh, I know. He told me no one else wanted it,” Vera said sadly.
Beatle blinked, “No ma’am. I interviewed for it.”
“That’s just what I heard,” Vera said.
“He lied,” Beatle shook his head.
What PastorBeard didn’t know is that Beatle had something else in the works…we weren’t sure it would pan out at this point (as of this writing we still aren’t), but Beatle wasn’t going to take PastorBeard’s crap lying down…and for that, I was proud of him.

1. “Wrapping It Up”

3.5 days till summer. Grades were due. I sat at my computer to adjust the grade book and turned on some music. Not even kidding, ‘The Final Countdown’ was on the radio (yes, I listen to the radio. Satellite Radio to be precise). It was the perfect music for working on my end-of-year checklist. I felt like I was in a movie and this was my montage music!
We reached the point in the year when all the teachers were just playing movies. For my part, I was letting them watch the Super Mario Movie. I had some happy students. I also wrote Wee One a pass to spend the day in my room. She was done with her work and wanted to help me with some Graphic Design work for next year’s launch (we are launching an on-campus design firm). She asked me which workstation she could work at and I did the worst thing a mum can do to her child. I sat her next to my baby neckbeard. She started working but within 10 minutes she came to my desk.
“Mom…” she started.
I looked at her. “Excuse me?”
She sighed, “I’m sorry…Ms. Mandy?”
“Yes ma’am?” I asked her.
“Can I sit on the other side of the room…it’s less claustrophobic and I have a friend over there…” she trailed off.
I chuckled and leaned in so only she could hear me, “You don’t appreciate sitting next to the baby neckbeard?”
She looked sheepish, “Not really.”
“Can you smell him?” I asked.
She made a disgusted face, “Sort of, yeah.”
“OK, yes, go ahead and move,” I nodded.
In the meantime, Beatle was texting me:
Beatle: Why does ManiBeard always start class with “How are we?” instead of “How are you?”?
Mandy: Because that’s what’s in his programming.
Beatle: LMAO! Point. I will not miss him this summer. You know he said he is only helping with graduation because he didn’t help with either dance. I thought it was mandatory that we do one of the 1 dances.
Mandy: Sigh. 1) yes it is and I bet they got on him and forced him to help with graduation and 2) why the hell would they let him help with graduation? That event is stressful enough without adding ManiBeard to the mix.
Beatle: He said he rather work graduation because it’s his favorite event because he gets to see the kids move on.
Mandy: But he’s a freshman teacher. He doesn’t know many if any, seniors.
Beatle: I know! Oh, CovidBeard is leaving.
Mandy: WHAT?! FOREVER?!
Beatle: I’m watching her class for the rest of the period.
Mandy: Oh, just for today.
Beatle: Yeah. Don’t get too excited.
Mandy: Damn. 3.5 days left. Heaven forbid she stick it out.
Beatle: Right?
And right about the time I was hoping my Beard encounters were over. At least until graduation…it happened. I had to email EnglishBeard. Why? Because I needed one of his students (who happened to be one of my most talented graphic design students) to come to my class the next day during his class. I cringed at having to interact with him. I asked Beatle if I should even bother. “We’re not doing anything, why would he say no?” Beatle asked. “He’s a beard.” I replied. “Fair.” Beatle conceded.
Finally, I took a breath and started to type: “EnglishBeard, if it is alright with you, can Sara come to my class during 5th period tomorrow to do some Graphic Design work? Thanks, Mandy”
2 hours later, he replied, “What work? Why should I send her to an elective? My class is core.”
I sighed, “It’s ok if you are doing something in class. I just thought it would be ok if you are just watching movies.” I replied.
“We are just watching movies, but my class is still a core class and yours is not,” EnglishBeard replied.
“You are correct. However, Sara is going to be in my Graphic 3 class next year and I want to get all my Graphic 3 students together for a meeting before the end of the year and the rest of them are in my 5th period. If you don’t want to send her that is fine,” I replied.
“Ok, that would be fine. I will allow it,” EnglishBeard finally said.
I sighed and wrote a pass to give to Sara.
Meanwhile, in the English 1 meeting, Beatle was dealing with his own Beard.
“And the Beard came back….CovidBeard came back for the meeting,” Beatle texted me.
“WHY?!” I texted back.
“IDK! I’m spraying Lysol when she leaves the room. She’s like ‘I’m sitting here sweating. I have no idea what I have.’ I guess she came back for attention,” Beatle replied.
I sighed as I typed, “Probably.”
Why did all these Beards have to come back? Why couldn’t this be last year when we had the mass exodus of Beards? That was nice. I liked that.
Maybe they would get less beardy over the summer?
Probably not.

1. “Graduation Day”

Have you ever sat through a graduation ceremony? If you have you know how dull they are. Being part of it is even worse. Graduation in Australia was quite different, but when I graduated from college in America Beatle practically had to force me into the cap and gown. It was not something I have ever liked…so the irony that I volunteer every year (except next year when Wee One graduates) is not lost on me. Mostly, I do it because I know it means something to the kids to see their teachers there. That said, I silently curse in my head the entire time while making sure to smile, be peppy, and congratulate even the most ungrateful of students. While I don’t look back on my graduation fondly, some of them might and I want to help provide good memories.
Graduation isn’t just on that day either. The day before we have to participate in graduation practice, which is just as awful, if not worse. I did entertain myself by watching ManiBeard however.
We all gathered in the practice gym to line up and then once everyone was in place we processed into the main gym. The practice gym was so bloody hot that I was sweating. It was so bloody hot that ManiBeard actually took off his cardigan for the first time all year. I have now confirmed he does have arms under it. Bloke never takes off his cardigan/coat…even when the outside temp is 100+ in Fahrenheit. I further observed only to realize that they had, for some reason, put ManiBeard in the same row as 2 of the baby beards I’ve been observing over the course of the year. ManiBeard was as clueless as one might expect and had no idea how to manage the kids and telling them when to stand, when to sit, when to walk, etc. He made it through graduation practice, but I was seriously concerned about the next day. I was also concerned because I saw the gown they set aside for Mani. It was huge! He was going to look like a puppy wearing his owner’s sweater. Let the chaos commence!
And commence it did. Shortly after lunch Beatle texted me “OZZY ISN’T COMING BACK! WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN GOING ON AROUND HERE?!”
Remember Ozzy? The other Australian on campus? Yeah, evidently he said, “this really isn’t something I foresaw happening. It is something I needed to do. But please, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m excited to leave. I’m not. It’s actually been really hard packing up my things.” Ozzy had been around since the campus opened in 2016. It was a true shock to see him leave and Beatle was very distraught over it. Honestly, so was I.
After school Beatle barrelled into his classroom, “OK, mate, what the hell is going on?”
The conversation was private so I’m not going to detail it, but I will say that circumstances happened so that Ozzy had to go back to Australia. He was not happy about it. He said he thought he would retire from Standard High, but life happens. This was a blow, but we wish him the best.
I found out later that night that ManiBeard managed to out-beard himself. He did the beardiest thing he’d ever done.
“Did you guys meet today in E1?” I asked Beatle.
“Yeah, but it was more social than a meeting,” Beatle replied.
“ManiBeard? Social? How did that go?” I asked.
Beatle chuckled, “ManiBeard wasn’t there.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because he miscalculated all his grades and had to redo them,” Beatle said.
I froze as I tried to register what he said. Finally I spoke, “But our gradebook is automated. We don’t calculate anything. We put in the number and bam…grades. How the hell did Mani manage to ‘miscalculate’ grades?”
“No idea, but admin wasn’t happy. They sent in Lana to guide him through it,” Beatle said.
I laughed, “Oh my god! After everything he did to keep Lana out of his room she ended up fixing his gradebook? The irony is too delicious! This has got to be the beardiest thing he has ever done. How the fuck do you miscalculate grades in and automated gradebook?!”
Beatle shrugged, “Talent?”
The next morning (THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL) an email started circulating from teachers that were worried about getting left at the arena we were holding graduation in. They wanted to ensure the bus wouldn’t leave them behind. Beatle and I watched as the emails flooded our inboxes. ManiBeard: “I need a ride too.” EnglishBeard: “Don’t leave me behind!” HistoryBeard: “I look like too much of an escaped inmate to safely hitchhike. Don’t leave me either.” MathBeard:I need the bus to get back to school.”
It was at that point I texted my brother to see if he could pick Beatle and I up after graduation. To be clear, we have to ride the bus over with students so taking our own car wasn’t an option…but riding the BeardBus home did not appeal to either of us. I like getting fodder for stories, but I’m not a complete sadomasochist. My brother agreed and I felt relief wash over me.
Beatle and I ended up combining our classes in my Cave for the last day because we bought breakfast tacos and donuts for the kids and it was easier to combine classes than to try to split the food. So, most of the last day was the kids eating and playing Mario Kart on our Switch. It was pretty fun. I did leave the kids with Beatle at one point so I could go down to Cook’s kitchen and do my department check-out stuff. When I say Cook had a professional kitchen that is not hyperbole. The culinary kitchen at Standard High is anything but standard. We’re talking a state-of-the-art kitchen that any head chef would be in awe of. It’s truly a thing to behold and for high school students? Yeah, it is pretty bloody great. Oh, and the cutting boards…let me tell you about the numerous cutting boards!
…I’m kidding Red! Just kidding!
But yeah, the kitchen is pretty great. Anyway, when I went into said kitchen, MediaBeard was in there doing his check-out as well. When he saw me he smiled and turned to me.
“Mandy, thank you so much for everything you did for me this year. It was a rough year and you had my back. I truly appreciate you, thank you,” he said as he hugged me.
I hugged him back, “Aww, mate…I got ya. Anytime. Next year will be better.”
When I said back in Chapter 1 that MediaBeard was certainly a Beard, but one of the ‘good’ beards, this is what I meant. Yes, he can be a bit…well…beardly. But, the bloke has a good heart. And I am glad he will be back next year. I’m going to try to mentor him now that I’m settled in graphic design. I am also glad he will not be Wee One’s teacher next year. She’s decided to take graphic design 3 and animation 1 which means she will have me as her teacher for 3 out of 8 periods. Come to find out she likes me as her teacher. And I’m pretty hard on her. She said I made her better. I must be doing something right!
Cook has 100% become my work Mum and I adore her. She plans to have a department soiree before school starts and for the first time ever I’m actually looking forward to going to a department function, solely because of Cook. She is amazing.
Finally, as long last, the 2022-2023 school year ended. All the non-senior students left and the seniors arrived.
Beatle and I scarfed our lunch down and headed to the gym… this is where graduation truly begins.
I put my gown on over my work clothes as did Beatle. We sat together and chatted for a bit before he went to his row to help organize kids. I was left sitting alone in my row as the students filed in. And, as I usually do in these situations, I started to observe my surroundings and live a bit in my own head.
I saw some teachers grouped up talking and laughing near me. For a moment I felt that loneliness I felt all through school (until I met Beatle). I had a moment of feeling like that ‘weird blonde kid’ again. I guess it never really goes away. It was a reminder that from the day we met (see SquirrelBeard for that story) Beatle has always been where I fit. Does anyone else ever have a moment of reversion like that? Where even as an adult you remember how it was to be an outcast at 15 or whatever? Maybe it’s just me? Maybe it’s because I work in a high school?
In any case, I snapped out of it and looked around. What caught my eye was a pair of BRIGHT crimson skinny jeans. And the wearer? ManiBeard. OF COURSE! He also had on a plain white t-shirt with the district logo on it that we got free at the start of the year and Van trainers. What was the dress code for this event that admin had explicitly given us the day before? Dress pants and a Polo or button-up for men or a suit for men, a dress or nice pants and shirt for women, dress shoes, and absolutely no jeans, trainers, or t-shirts. Yeah. For J’s part he had on black pants and a black button-up shirt with a tie. He looked good. It was also the first time he got to wear his Master’s hood at a graduation, which was pretty frickin cool too! I had on black pants and a nice shirt. I was not wearing a dress at graduation. Just, no. Anyway…ManiBeard…right…so he wore EXACTLY what admin said don’t wear. Cause…ManiBeard. And I was right, his gown made him look like a puppy wearing his owner’s sweater. It would have been cute if it was anyone but Mani. Instead he just looked robotic and lost. And, exactly like I suspected, he didn’t talk to any of the kids. He didn’t even congratulate them. Probably because he teachers 9th graders and didn’t know any of these kids and had no connection to them. Beatle knew a lot of them. These were the kids that he taught his first year as freshmen so he had seen them through all 4 years. It was emotional for him.
It was around this time I turned around and noticed paramedics in the hall. I later found out a student (one of mine actually) had a seizure. I had seen them roll a kid out of the building on an office chair but I didn’t know who under Mr. Principal told me later. As all of this was happening APBeard said they put a sign up sheet on the stage for any teacher that needed to take the bus back to campus after the ceremony. A bunch of teachers headed to the stage. One that looked like a textbook beard said, as he walked past me, “that would be all of us. Like any of us can afford an Uber with what they pay us.” I raised an eyebrow and looked the man over. “That has GOT to be HistoryBeard” I thought to myself. Beatle ran up behind me.
“See that bloke up there…the one at the sign up sheet right now?” Beatle asked me quietly.
“Yeah,” I said.
“That’s HistoryBeard,” he confirmed.
“I knew it! I knew that had to be him. Damn, he is a beard and it’s not even just on the inside,” I said.
Beatle shook his head, “No, he’s one that is beard inside and out.”
I shuttered as Beatle returned to his seat.
About 45 minutes later we boarded the bus and headed to the arena. I hoped everything would be smooth sailing from there, but that would have been WAY too easy.
So, I need to paint a bit of a picture here…have you ever been backstage at an arena? It’s not a huge space…and when you put a couple hundred people back there…it’s a tight fit. We were lucky to have a 2 inch radius around us. Personal space does not exist when you cram everyone back there. And we had to line up in order. Each row had a letter. It seemed everything was fine. My row was in order…but something felt off. That’s when I realized whoever set the signs up doesn’t know the bloody alphabet because instead of A, B, C, D, E, F, G it went A, B, C, D, E, G, F. I was in row F. I realized the error but I also wasn’t about to move anything without telling an AP. So I found an AP that said he had to find another AP and 3 APs later I was told to swap Rows F and G. I helped correct the signed and then we had to shift the rows with VERY little space. It was…something.
It was hot, cramped, and miserable. Beatle told me later some of the kids in his row snuck back into a supply room and were stealing popcorn. It was in the moments of being back stage I remembered why last year I said to myself ‘never again, I’m never doing graduation again’. I’m really not next year cause of Wee One and I’ll probably forget the year after and volunteer again. Cause teacher brain. Anyway, it was finally go time and we walked out, sat down, and the ceremony started. All done? Not quite.
For the sake of wrapping this up I’ll quickly list the crap that happened during the ceremony:

1. Someone in the stands called to a kid ‘you look like ET but we love you anyway!’ to which a graduate yelled back ‘you’re an asshole’. Classy.
2. ManiBeard was clueless and lost. He may as well have not even been there because he was mostly just in the way.
3. The boys decided it was great fun to pretend to fall on stage just before the got to Mr. Principal. This happened 4 times. A 5th pretended he was about to fall then twerked instead. Again, classy. Ladies and gentleman, our future.
4. A boy in the row in front of me turned around and was using his program to sword fight with a boy in my row. I gave them the ‘mom/teacher look’ and they both got a panicked look and said ‘sorry ma’am’ before sitting straight for the rest of the ceremony. Maybe Wee One is right. Maybe I am scary.
5. MediaBeard made the senior video and it was awful. I have a hard time believing he worked ‘in the industry’. Next year I’m going to see if he will let me do some graphic design templates for him. It will be part of my proposal to mentor him.

And then graduation was over. Beatle and I checked with Number One and were cleared to leave. Brother picked us up and we headed to dinner (where Brother once again came very close to getting the name BrotherBeard) and summer began.
And that concludes this year of School of Beards. If there is any demand I will be back in the fall because with all the beards returning I am sure to have a new batch of tales. I sincerely want to thank everyone that had come on this journey with me, Red for reading (and being a mate), and Beatle for supporting me and allowing me to share his stories. I mostly want to thank everyone that has listened to Red read these stories because that is the most amazing thing…hearing these stories read and getting his insight. I do appreciate it more than I can say. Keep an eye out for the rest of BowserBeard this summer and maybe a couple of one-offs.
Now, to end this year I decided to try my hand at my first parody song. Apologies if it’s not very good. Like I said, it’s my first one. I hope it doesn’t suck!
“BeardSchool’s Out” (Parody of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper)
Well, we got no choice
But to hear the noise
Listenin to the beards’ voice
The poor girls and boys
Well, we can't escape ya
Can't find an out
And when they start to shout
Education’s in doubt
BeardSchool's out for summer
Beards go into slumber
Beardschool makes us shutter
No more Mani
No more English
No more preacher's judgment, yeah
Well, Mani can’t control his class
And Pastor’s got the Principal
And the students pay the price
We can't even think about next year
BeardSchool's out for summer
Beards go into slumber
Beardschool makes us shutter
No more Media
No more Math Emails
No more two-faced Dean
Out for summer
Out 'til fall
Do the beards have to come back at all
Beards go slumber
BeardSchool's out for summer
Watch the Beards lumber
BeardSchool’s out till August

Date: December 14th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day One
I am Sergeant Paulo Martinez, of the United Nations’ 12th Marine Regiment, field doctor. Unfortunately for my bosses, I’m not writing this diary for them. This one is for my sister. Yes you read that right, Maria, this one’s for you so i’m doing it the way I think you’d like it done.
So, lil’ sis the historian always talks about how the most fun historical discoveries are in mundane documents, a lot of stuff gets lost to time with just official documents, so when I told her I was going to visit Colia on official business, in fact at request of the Zurulian government, she just straight up begged me to keep a personal diary. Even if I never show her, in like a hundred years it’d be a more accurate story of what happens than any official report. So… This is it.
To explain better, in preparation for future operations the UN is trying to integrate alien advanced technology and methodology with ours, both to patch up theirs where it’s missing (as is often the case with their methods) and prop up ours (usually technical). My case, however, is a bit particular while being part of the same initiative. The government of Colia, that’s the Zurilian homeworld by the by, has requested a technical exchange with a field medic experienced in combat operations in order to help them prepare for the inevitable need for their famed medical expertise to be applied on the field, i’m not sure what my counterpart is going to be doing back home but I bet he isn’t going to be with the marines.
Anyway, it seems like I'm to be set up with a group of first responders for a grand total of a week, see what I can learn and see what I can teach. Shuttle (which is tiny, by the way, love those teddy bears but they’re tiny and their bespoke crafts are tiny) will be arriving in another hour and after that i’m to head for a briefing.
Okay! Still the first day, or night right now. I got to meet the crew I’m to be training with and got a better grasp of what I’m actually working with here. I made a mistake previously, it’s not first responders, I’m training with a unit from the First Response Fleet. Those guys have an entire fleet in charge of emergency response to any catastrophe, admittedly it’s not a very large one it’s just their flagship “Beacon of Hope” and a small group of support ships like two fuel barges (seriously what is their operational range to have fuel barges?) and some lander shuttles.
For a moment I thought it made sense why they sent a marine, those are military right? Nope, those are civilians as far as I can tell. I got to meet some of the people I’ll be training with though! They’re a fun bunch, and boy did they barrage me with questions. Remember the stories back early during first contact about aliens asking all sorts of stupid questions? Now picture that at quintuple speed and all of the medical variety, at some point I had to shut them all down. Not because they were annoying, mind, but because the questions started getting far outside of my field of expertise. I’m a marine combat medic, not an endocrinologist!
Which made me curious, so when I asked it turns out they’re all proper doctors! Out of a crew of twenty, because apparently the crews train together based on which lander shuttle they’re assigned to, we had ten surgeons of different varieties, three neurolinguists, two geneticists… I don’t even remember what the other five were but none of them with less than five years of schooling and all but one with at least eight years in the First Response Fleet, that other one was fresh out of getting his PhD, however.
Date: December 15th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Two, Training
Apparently the FRF has its own facilities for training and fleet maintenance. I woke up early to get a look at the place and… I admit I’m a little surprised? This doesn’t look like what I was expecting, because it feels familiar. There were a lot of restricted areas, expected in a medical facility, but this felt different because a medical college, what I thought this was, wouldn’t have armed guards.
It also wouldn’t have a starship drydock. And it wouldn’t be designed like this. This place looks more like a federation-style military base than anything you’d see a bunch of civilian doctors in. I wonder if they’re essentially contractors to the military?
After a short tour on my own I went to have breakfast, and if this didn’t look like every military mess hall in the universe I’d throw my stripes in the trash. Boy are the teddy bears noisy, though, if there’s one thing I can say they’d beat any marine at is making a goddamn ruckus. I readied myself for some bland vegan breakfast, which don’t get me wrong I get it they’re herbivores and all but I usually I really miss my protein and the taste you know, but I was very surprised. I couldn’t tell you the name of the plants I ate but… Just… How can vegan food be this tasty? I thought aliens didn’t know how to cook?
Well, I was sure as hell wrong about that. I’m actually writing this at the end of the day and I’m chewing on a raw root for heavens’ sake because this thing tastes like mint and cashews? Most aliens might not know how to cook but apparently the teddy bears aren’t most aliens in this case.
Anyway, back to some chronological telling. I also learned they love tea, they can’t really start the day without tea and I don’t mean the pansy stuff from Earth (i’m a coffee drinker), oh no. I never thought steeped flower leaves would give me the caffeine jitters, but I should have when I saw they were black. Right, one of the gals in my unit is a biochemist, and she made this very weird joke to me if I could taste the poison on the tea? Humans have gotta stop the damn capsaicin hype before they think we can drink actual poison.
Surprisingly tasty breakfast over, me and the unit went for the first training of the day. As part of a disaster response team they need to keep fit, so morning is physical training. Now, you’re going to read this and think it’s weird, right? Wouldn’t it be paramedics or firefighters doing this particular piece of job instead of full blown PhDs with doctorates and all that? Yes it’s that weird.
Running, pushups, pullups, you know the whole full body training regimen? That’s how it started, I thought I was going to smoke the teddy bears but… Good heavens, I can’t in good conscience say I did. I mean, yeah, I outperformed every one of them but that was close, I swear the only reason I outperformed them is because of mother nature because it sure wasn’t my training and I’m, not to toot my own horn too much, a goddamn marine.
Afterwards we had ‘deployment’ drills. Yes I’m calling them drills because at this point I’m certain those guys are military in some weird way. Deployment in this case refers to the simple act of exiting the lander shuttle and deploying the field hospital. Guy in charge of training said today they were going easy because of me since I’ve never done this before, to general cheer of the rest of the unit.
The basics of deployment training is, we all get inside the lander with the gear, wait a minute to simulate the landing procedures, then we unload the gear and set it up as fast as possible but prioritizing no mistakes. So off I went to start, first boarding the lander, which was the actual lander we were assigned to. When I asked I was told this was so we’d be familiarized with the idiosyncrasies of the equipment we’d actually use in the field, in fact all of the gear we were training with WAS the gear they used in the field.
My first surprise was how… Cramped the lander was. And by that I mean this was an eight-person craft carrying twenty plus enough medical equipment to set up a field hospital. This was frankly absurd, in order to create enough space for me two of them had to sit on my lap because there wasn’t enough room, half of them had to stay standing! “We don’t take up a lot of space” one of them told me.
Apparently, these lander shuttles are perfectly safe to ride standing and there were specific roles for people who were standing, they’re supposed to start moving some of the gear out the instant the landing ramp hits the ground. That’s what they’re supposed to do anyway, but that isn’t exactly what happened. The landing pad is equipped with some kind of setup to simulate the ship’s landing impact, and that was some movement discipline I haven’t ever seen before- I felt the downwards impact of the ship, but before elastic forces moved it back up as ships do when landing this hard, people were already moving.
They didn’t start moving gear when the landing ramp hit the ground. They moved so fast that the first piece of gear, the power generator, hit the ground moving into place less than a second after the tip of the ramp hit the floor.
The whole deployment training was four hours. We repeated the deployment procedures for four hours without rest, and it wasn’t simple. This isn’t a field hospital in human terms, my friends, no. One of the first things set up is a power generator, after that a communications array to call up the flagship, then they bring out the tents but those aren’t the simple bed and clean space affair. They use shielding technology to keep particulates out, the operation tent even uses that system to create an airlock to keep the air inside clean. There’s an entire miniature operation theater, there’s a rapid diagnosis rig with a whole ass ton of sensors operated with VR as well as two tents just for patient recovery.
Those are neither simple nor light pieces of kit. That’s some sci-fi supertech shit right there. The target deployment time is five minutes. Five. Fucking. Minutes. I don’t think I could set up a tent in five minutes. Hell, when they started moving I had to reign in my instincts, it looked like I was getting ready for breaching action. Oh, they were taking it easy and instructing me all the time, took them fifteen minutes to set up the entire field hospital.
After that bit of intense training, it was dinner time. Did you know that there is a specific kind of plant here that when you mix its dried and powdered leaves with some of the local flora it induces the maillard reaction? Fucking cold-fried tubers is what I got, it’s like those slightly citric cold fries that have all the good parts of fries but are cold? Alien food I swear, if I ever have to turn vegan I’m only eating at zurulian restaurants.
And then it was study time, gotta keep up on the latest medical science and they afford you time to do that. Pretty damn impressive library they’ve got, not just some proper paperback books mostly for historical value (did you know paper here is black and they use a dark red ink to write in it? Weird alien trees) but an immense digital library. I was a bit at a loss of what to do , I’m at best a paramedic not a doctor needing to keep up with the latest and greatest, thankfully one of the guys on my unit showed up with some first response manuals with the basics for every species. And then promptly dragged me to the unit’s study group because apparently the entire unit also studies together.
Man I thought that was going to be annoying, it thankfully wasn’t. Damn cheerful bunch they are, real classy body horror jokes as well. I’ll be honest I never thought I’d see an alien get dark humor, nevermind start it, but I like those teddy bears. Also none of that better-than-you crap I thought I was going to get either, they helped me out a fair bit memorizing some procedures (seriously, there’s a method for mouth-to-mouth on a bird that works, but boy is it going to be nasty) and awkward as it was having a nearby human was plenty helpful since they were all studying human medicine.
And oh, hey, that’s the door. I got invited for a bit of a welcoming party. I’ll add more when I get back.
Date: December 17th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Four, Hangover
Sooo… Apparently tea brewing is a far more complex and ancient art here I guess? Did you know there’s a kind of plant that builds up alcohol inside of it here? And with the right steeping process you get this very tasty alcoholic green tea that just sneaks up on you like a motherfucker? That’s why you’re not getting anything from yesterday, jesus fuck deployment drills, timed this time, on an ungodly hangover were not fun. Turns out this unit’s usual time is seven minutes, by the way.
Got to learn a fair bit about zurulian biology that night out, though. And clean up your mind, that’s not what I mean. Turns out they’re quite more sensitive to some chemicals than humans, or at least sensitive in different ways. They’re also WAY more open to recreational drugs, it turns out, especially in drinkable form.
One of ‘em got this thing that looked like an ashtray? And it was burning something. Dude just put it on the table and took whiffs of it now and then. I got curious and went to try and holy crap I got dizzy just getting close to it? Lum leaves, he told me, they give a nice buzz he said. Nice buzz? It’d have knocked me right out if I didn’t step back fast enough, apparently whatever’s in lum leaves at best works like a beer for them, though. And the weird part is he said it tasted good.
That was when I learned that zurulians have a damn fine sense of taste. Which, by the way, explained why they were passing by a rock and licking it at some point. I thought they were trying to weird me out but no it’s apparently some kind of palate cleanser, I tried but it just kind of tasted of rock. And, it turns out that their tongues can detect some usually-airborne chemicals as well! Including ones their noses can! They can detect some things as both taste and smell!
And apparently after the fifth cup of tea I was asking them what all sorts of things tasted for them and I could not tell you the answers because I should have stopped at my second. Except for one thing, I think whoever I asked was high as a kite too to accept it but I asked what I tasted like. Look I was really intoxicated as well. She said I tasted like I had vitamin deficiency? And… I don’t know, I know I never ate properly but how the hell do you tell that with your tongue?
Don’t feel it’d be very decent to ask that, though. You don’t make wise, or decent, decisions when you’re so out of your mind you get a thirty-hour hangover later.
As for the day, it’s been deployment drills and studying. But we did get to play with a few more toys between the drills and dinner, the unit got to test out (or well, make sure they were working) a bunch of fun-looking portable piston units, they also had a couple of plasma torches and a magnetic cutter (think a hydraulic cutter but instead of hydraulics it’s magnetism, looks silly but damn thing could cut through a support strut of a starship in half the time of a hydraulic). I, of course, didn’t get to play with any of those. They were built for zurulian bodies and according to the trainer if I ever were to work with the Fleet they’d just treat my body as another set of tools anyway. I mean I get it, nature gifted me a larger and stronger body than theirs, but he could have been less blunt about that.
Date: December 18th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Five, Emergency
Soo… See how I’m being cute with titles? Look you’re lucky I’m writing in english and not japanese or else you’d be getting triple-sized titles, I love me some good titles. I wish I was talking about emergency response training here, however.
I’m a diligent man, I haven’t been skimping on preparing my official report, in fact a third of study time I’ve spent on writing the report. Super detailed, put as much as I damn well could in those, described every last bit of tech, hell I described the seating arrangements per specialty for deployment because apparently you can shave seconds off of deployment with the correct arrangement. Even included the fact it was faster for me to just carry the two guys on my lap out and drop them on top (yes on top) of the storage unit going to the surgery tent than to wait for there to be enough space for them to hop off.
So my official report is out. I’m going to write a second, too, about whatever else happens. I made a quick call to HQ and got the go ahead too. Earth’s gearing up to fight the feds but that doesn’t mean the rest of this old bullshit war isn’t going on. There’s been an arxur raid on a colony world, apparently a venlil colony, and we’re deploying. Sorry, I’m not going to just go back home and wait for the call to action when I can help something going on right now. Plus I know it’s been just five days but damn, I like those guys. I hope dealing with a raid aftermath isn’t going to break them.
excuseme, what. Sorry, I am currently on the lander shuttle as we make our way up to the Beacon of Hope. I was going to finish there and then but I heard it… Someone talking to the newest guy “You get used to it”. You get used to it? Did they do this that often? Or was he just trying to be nice?
Not the time to ask.
Date: December 19th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Six, Stalking
The trip was fast. Alarmingly fast. I can tell the Beacon of Hope has probably the best FTL drive ever created or something like that. It was two thirds through the day when we got a message that we had arrived and were now on standby. And also, that I was being called up by the captain.
The trip to the bridge was surprising in two ways, the first because I didn’t need to bend down. The Beacon of Hope is built to accommodate even a Mazic in its interiors, and be able to work with an interspecies crew. The second was because of the austerity of the place as I expected a civilian ship to make some concessions, but any area that did not expect to see a patient was perfectly functional and wasteless in design. Only the patient areas seemed a bit more comfortable and even then, it seemed like it was more because of the patient’s needs.
The bridge was very much a spartan affair that took advantage of their species’ diminutive size, it was tucked closer to the center of the ship and was distressingly small despite the amount of staff present, though someone of a larger species (like me) could probably still do their job as an operator here but they’d probably have to do it laying down. Something that the layout of the chairs would seemingly permit. It was there that I met the captain, aliens might not be much for clothes, but they’ve right up there with us with hats. The only identifier he had was the rather classy dark blue hat which is apparently the base of the design of any air force hat in the galaxy too, I guess some pieces of design are universal. Later that day I had time to ask around, and it seems like their space military splintered off of their air force, unlike the navy back on earth.
And the captain told me some very, very impressive information. And some very distressing as well. First off, we had arrived before the Arxur, which in itself was baffling because I thought we had responded to an attack. Nope! It was an early detection system. I asked him, then, if we were so early why wasn’t a defense fleet instead of us? “I don’t know. And I’m afraid of knowing” At that point I dropped that line of questions, I guess it got pretty obvious, huhn? Then what’d he need me for, I asked. He was blunt, me being a predator, and a trained killer at that, he wanted advice.
I might have been a bit annoyed at the wording, but the captain of the most advanced, and genuinely unarmed, hospital ship I had ever seen asking me advice like that? What even was going on? He explained to me that we were hiding in the shadow of a planet close to the colony, directly opposite of where the arrival point of the Arxur fleet should be, and showed me the map. He knew I wasn’t a naval officer but if I had anything, if anything in my training, if anything in my instincts could help, anything to make sure the mission would work more smoothly.
Were we doing an evacuation? Not with just this ship. VIP extraction? First Response doesn’t do priorities like those. Dropping support for ground troops? What ground troops. No, we had no way to aid during the actual raid, this was the direct opposite of a warship. But the very second the cannibals left they were going to start dropping shuttles, every last moment counted and if that meant arriving before the threat it meant arriving before the threat.
I mean, I got nothing. I told him I got nothing, none of my training worked here and I couldn’t just summon some magical foresight to help. To which, he was grateful. Told me it was an assurance of a trained soldier couldn’t find flaw in the plans of ‘an old retired pediatrician’ and i’m absolutely fucking sorry?
At that point I had to ask, are they military? Oh no, they’re not. While sure the FRF was part of the military organization, it had no need for soldiers since it was basically just a large mobile hospital. Those were all civilians, including him.
Now, if any of my fellow humans catch this document when it’s still relevant or anyone at all a hundred years from now, I want you to consider what the average military competency of the federation species is like. They’d fall prey to the dumbest fucking ambush and if I remember right even the Arxur were pissing their fucking scales at a simple fighting retreat. Those people have been fighting longer than some countries have existed on earth and they got no idea how to wage war. And here was this ‘old pediatrician’ pulling some fucking grand admiral moves because his only focus was getting medical aid down on planet as fast as possible.
I waited to get back to my room to wait before I lost it. But still, we had a mission ahead of us and we’d need to prepare.
Date: December 21th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Eight, Fieldwork
Don’t have much time to write, there’s a lot of work to be done but I think I can skimp a few minutes of sleep for this, using voice to text for this one. I guess mumbling might help me sleep, too. We just landed, guys got deployment down to six minutes. Fuck, unit back home couldn’t move this fast with this coordination. Shit, they probably do those very often don’t they?
Each lander shuttle went to a different place, we’ve all got a huge area to cover with our shuttle’s crew. Flagship dropped a few comm buoys up there, we got a temporary planetary cover for the comms. Dunno how the fuck the shuttle slipped down when it did, last croc ship wasn’t even done taking off when we hit the ground, also the pilot’s a fucking maniac. Miles wishes he could pull a deceleration at that low height without splashing.
Fuck my feet. Fuck my legs. Fuck my back, everything hurts. Three guys stayed behind in the triage tent, two in the surgery tent, one on the radio, everyone else got to go out searching for people in pairs. They use this fancy headset thing with data feed from the flagship, scans for life signs, real advanced. Not perfect precision, though, still needs the people on the ground to cover the last hundred meters of range. “Well, that’s leftovers” fucking dark humor at this point. Fuck. We were going towards a lifesign marker when we ran into a corpse.
Right. Funny thing here, this is a federation world. Yeah I know I said it was a venlil colony but seems like not every colony split off from the feds when the republic did, makes sense. Don’t matter for those sons of bitches, someone need help they come for you. That was a venlil body, burning wreckage of a toppled building, half-eaten.
Fuck i’ve seen the worst goddamn wounds, saw people missing limbs, shit… Y’all of my unit on earth remember the Placido thing, right? So much fire. Y’all remember the smell of the burning bodies, don’t you? Saw some sick shit in the past but this? Seeing a half-eaten person?
And teddy bear says that damn joke. Pulled me outta the shock, at least… Wasn’t the first time they had to say that, was it? Wasn’t long until we hit that lifesign, though. Venlil kid, panicking the hell out when he saw me, bleeding like a fountain from a cut on the shoulder and side. Tried to calm the kid down, and what happens? Teddy bear just comes out of no fucking where and jabs something in the kid’s neck and they’re out like a light. We called for a recovery there.
Have you ever seen a motorcycle ambulance? How about a hovercycle ambulance? Yeah, shuttle had one as part of the gear, it’s a kinda funny piece of kit. Super tight to be a normal ambulance, but a zurulian can fit in there right fine with a patient, it’s got some magical gyro-stabilization because no way it could speed off like it did and fucking fly over a pile of debris like that without killing the ride, to say nothing of the patient. But fuck, I read the specs of the thing while we were taking the shuttle down, they’re written in the cockpit. Thing could apparently hit supersonic speed with a set of secondary thrusters it has, it wouldn’t do it for long because that’d melt the engine down completely but it could. Who the fuck puts that fucking speed on an ambulance?
You can see I’m lacking adjectives at this point? Because this is all so absurd. The recovery vehicle, that’s what it’s called, grabbed the kid and sped the hell off. “No bedside manners for us, let’s go” is all my partner said when we started heading for the next life sign. We had people who’d barricaded themselves in furniture and underground and couldn’t get back out, people who’d given up a limb to hide in a tight squeeze.
The worst were the ones that… They were still begging for help, ‘unfinished meals’ the fucking teddy said. How do you get so callous? Only from seeing this too much. Fuck is that what being a veteran in this job is? Dealing with this fucking horrorshow so much you get like that? But still, if their heart is beating it’s good enough, even those ones got help. I took a ride in the recovery vehicle with one of those.
Krakotl, it was. Don’t matter how much you hate the birds, you see one like that, torn open and half eaten begging to god to have one more second in this universe… You ain’t human if you can still hate. Idiot lizard decided to have a meal mid-bombardment, it looks like, building collapsed on him and pinned his body on the bird. I pulled the stone out of the bird, my partner dragged the arxur carcass out of the way, there was so much blood. You’d think that them not bleeding red makes it feel less like blood, it doesn’t. Sealant gel applied to the open blood vessels, beautiful thing that gel, it can basically serve as a physical barrier to prevent blood loss and it can be removed safely, and we wrapped them in a sealing blanket.
Sealing blankets are amazing emergency devices. They’re stored in this plastic bag because they need to remain wet, but you warp the patient in it and it constricts with just enough pressure to do what you need it to (there’s a control for it), in this case keeping the bird’s insides on the inside, and it’s soaked in a cocktail of antiseptics and painkillers that work for just about any species. It’s more than just soaked, even, the material it’s made of actually very slowly dispenses a low dosage of the fluids it absorbed serving basically like an IV drip in this situation. When the recovery vehicle arrived I tapped out, as they say. I’d accompany the patient to the base and take a moment to refresh myself before outing again in the next recovery vehicle call.
I’d like to say it was a wild fucking ride. But I didn’t even feel it, thing must have ship-class inertial dampeners somehow. They spared no expense for this fast rescue vehicle. And by the heavens that driver, I haven’t been around the pilot and the driver much since they had some separate training but this driver? Straight. Line. He’d only make a curve if going over an obstacle would take longer than around because he was not increasing the length of the trip by a single meter.
Also, the stretcher the poor bird was in? Gravity sledge. You heard that right, you know how costly and difficult miniaturized anti-gravity is, it doesn’t work without a much higher attached computational power than an object that size can handle. I bet it was receiving assistance from the vehicle. Moving them to the triage tent was easy, didn’t think there’d be much need for triage, mind, but that was the procedure. Full sensor suite you’d find at the best hospitals with three VR control sets to be able to perform multiple operations at once, I didn’t even think those things were mobile. The three on triage had a full readout on the bird in seconds, hear that seconds. So I did the last part of my job and wheeled the patient to the surgery tent with the report.
One thing I didn’t mention before is the fire. This wasn’t a farming colony, this is an extraction colony, they were pulling some manner of chemicals from the ground here and refining it. This place where we’re at mostly stored things, mind… Very flammable things. After the damn crocs were done being murderous psychopathic cannibals on the ground they decided to destroy everything just in case, of course the aftermath of dropping bombs on highly flammable storages is rampant fires. Just so you have an idea of the backdrop.
I got a bit of a chance to wash up after that patient, the boss (he’s apparently the most senior, in veterancy) ordered me to take a rest. So I took the chance to fish my soap from my personal belongings (we all got a bit of space to carry personal stuff down) and take a quick wash before sitting down here to take a nap.
Date: December 25th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Twelve, Fieldwork
What a christmas gift, eh? Playing heavy machinery in a nightmare. Been putting less of my first aid skills and more of my muscles to use and I don’t blame them for it, the heavy duty tools are all showing signs of wear by now, and I can replace them with my hands for some uses. They’ve got plenty of people that can stabilize a patient, they don’t have many tools.
I asked around a bit how long we were planning to stay, and whether there was a bigger relief fleet coming. “Until everyone’s saved” was the first answer and “Nobody knows” was the second. After all, this is ostensibly a Federation planet, and we were waiting on one of their relief fleets to show up. My next question was about, how long did we have supplies for, and the Beacon of Hope came geared for 30 days of operation with six ground crews. We had eighteen ground crews going, because the damage was extensive across the entire planet.
We had a third of the supplies we would normally have, and I’d be insulted if they didn’t start rationing supplies between ground crews. If the situation was this dire they’d have to make decisions about where their supplies would be best spent. Please heavens, let this place be a priority, I don’t want to teach those poor teddy bears how to do low-tech lifesaving.
So for now, we need to go easy on our tools to keep having them, and as luck would have it I’ve got enough physical capacity to replace them in about a third of their use cases. So for the last two days I’ve grown pretty accustomed to the recovery vehicle as I get moved from one place to another to move debris and carry things.
I’ve also noticed everyone seems a bit more relaxed when I’m around sometimes. Though I’ve the impression it isn’t quite my presence itself, that tends to happen right before I go take a nap. I don’t mind the weirdness, whatever helps those guys. They’re making me question the way everyone hypes up human stamina because they’re keeping right the hell up with my work shifts.
Date: December 28th, 2136 Standard Terran Time - Day Fifteen, Starvation
Well, that was the call I was hoping we wouldn’t have. Right when what we’ve started finding more and more is the deeply wounded and the infected.
We’ve been on the ground for twelve days, chances of survival of anyone at this point is minimal, but minimal isn’t zero and that’s good enough to keep working. Unfortunately, there are other ground crews in bigger population areas, which means a higher volume of minimal chances, which means they get the resource allocations.
The power generator should be good, each one lasts the full month so that won’t be a problem. But most of our miracle medicine will start having to be rationed, also the hydraulic lifters gave up the ghost. Not like they were bad but it was simply from excess of use, my back knows the feeling at this point.
We’re going to run out of antiseptics in three to five days if we keep going at this rate, as well. Hopefully we should have saved everyone that we can at that point. But there was a small miracle, or rather, there was a small underestimation on my part.
I thought I’d have to teach those guys how to save a life without their spacer tech and miracle medicines when we ran out of stitch-gel. Stitch-gel is a rapid-clotting agent that effectively serves as instant stitches, it’s amazing. And we ran out of it the soonest. Then a woman with a horrifying neck wound was brought in, gal went down fucking fighting she did, don’t know how she took down her would-be killer the beast’s claws were still dangling from her neck. The fuck kind of movie hero was she? But the moment we’d remove the damn things (also did I mention her lower body was burned? She definitely wasn’t moving on her own, those legs are gone) she’d bleed to death and there’d be nothing to do about it.
And here’s where I underestimated them. She was taken out of the surgery tent and got to the next shuttle to the Beacon, she certainly bled a lot but she did not bleed to death. The surgeon had opted to, instead of bringing anything personal like me, pack additional supplies as his personal items. Like a fucking mile of biodegradable stitching string and a whole ass set of needles, plus some weaker over-the-counter painkillers.
I thought I’d have to teach them how to handle some primitive medicine, but they came readier for it than I did. They knew they’d be sitting here until they ran out of resources. They gave up any possible nicety they could have brought to buy a few more days worth of supplies.
I’d say I was ashamed of my choices but I don’t think I am. I realized why they kind of gather around me before I take a nap- It’s not the nap, it’s my soap. I brought a mint-scented one, you know, when you can bring some niceties to help your mind in the field you do. Turns out the scent is doing some wonders for their mental health.
Pfft, big muscles and smelling nice, that’s what i’m doing right now. I’m cool with it, people often forget the effect some small things missing can have on a bigger operation. Dude done did an open heart surgery in the middle of a fucking field hospital to save a life, he deserves to take a good nap.
There’s something else but i’m not sure if I should say it. I know, history and all, but do I want people to remember this happened?
---
[Part 2]
Okay so I got an immense surge of inspiration to write this one. Mostly also 'cause i'm a little tired of the only depictions of our allies out there being their failures, I mean sure it's a great narrative driver but it gets a exhausting a bit.
Plus i've also been trying to writre something in the vein of this for like two months at this point so I changed format and story while keeping the important parts. And it seems i'll have to split it in two parts because I hit Reddit's limit.

please read the article in full here:
https://www.propublica.org/article/toxmap-poison-in-the-air
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The EPA allows polluters to turn neighborhoods into “sacrifice zones” where residents breathe carcinogens. ProPublica reveals where these places are in a first-of-its-kind map and data analysis.
by Lylla Younes, Ava Kofman, Al Shaw and Lisa Song, with additional reporting by Maya Miller, photography by Kathleen Flynn for ProPublica Nov. 2, 2021, 5 a.m. EDT
Leer en español.
From the urban sprawl of Houston to the riverways of Virginia, air pollution from industrial plants is elevating the cancer risk of an estimated quarter of a million Americans to a level the federal government considers unacceptable.
Some of these hot spots of toxic air are infamous. An 85-mile stretch of the Mississippi River in Louisiana that’s thronged with oil refineries and chemical plants has earned the nickname Cancer Alley. Many other such areas remain unknown, even to residents breathing in the contaminated air.
Until now.
ProPublica undertook an analysis that has never been done before. Using advanced data processing software and a modeling tool developed by the Environmental Protection Agency, we mapped the spread of cancer-causing chemicals from thousands of sources of hazardous air pollution across the country between 2014 and 2018. The result is an unparalleled view of how toxic air blooms around industrial facilities and spreads into nearby neighborhoods.
📷 The Most Detailed Map of Cancer-Causing Industrial Air Pollution in the U.S.
At the map’s intimate scale, it’s possible to see up close how a massive chemical plant near a high school in Port Neches, Texas, laces the air with benzene, an aromatic gas that can cause leukemia. Or how a manufacturing facility in New Castle, Delaware, for years blanketed a day care playground with ethylene oxide, a highly toxic chemical that can lead to lymphoma and breast cancer. Our analysis found that ethylene oxide is the biggest contributor to excess industrial cancer risk from air pollutants nationwide. Corporations across the United States, but especially in Texas and Louisiana, manufacture the colorless, odorless gas, which lingers in the air for months and is highly mutagenic, meaning it can alter DNA.
In all, ProPublica identified more than a thousand hot spots of cancer-causing air. They are not equally distributed across the country. A quarter of the 20 hot spots with the highest levels of excess risk are in Texas, and almost all of them are in Southern states known for having weaker environmental regulations. Census tracts where the majority of residents are people of color experience about 40% more cancer-causing industrial air pollution on average than tracts where the residents are mostly white. In predominantly Black census tracts, the estimated cancer risk from toxic air pollution is more than double that of majority-white tracts.
After reviewing ProPublica’s map, Wayne Davis, an environmental scientist formerly with the EPA’s Office of Chemical Safety and Pollution Prevention, said, “The public is going to learn that EPA allows a hell of a lot of pollution to occur that the public does not think is occurring.”
Our analysis comes at a critical juncture for the fate of America’s air. After decades of improvement, air quality has, by some metrics, begun to decline. In the last four years, the Trump administration rolled back more than a hundred environmental protections, including two dozen air pollution and emissions policies.
The EPA says it “strives to protect the greatest number of people possible” from an excess cancer risk worse than 1 in a million. That risk level means that if a million people in an area are continuously exposed to toxic air pollutants over a presumed lifetime of 70 years, there would likely be at least one case of cancer on top of those from other risks people already face. According to ProPublica’s analysis, 74 million Americans — more than a fifth of the population — are being exposed to estimated levels of risk higher than this.
EPA policy sets the upper limit of acceptable excess cancer risk at 1 in 10,000 — 100 times more than the EPA’s more aspirational goal and a level of exposure that numerous experts told ProPublica is too high. ProPublica found that an estimated 256,000 people are being exposed to risks beyond this threshold and that an estimated 43,000 people are being subjected to at least triple this level of risk. Still, the EPA sees crossing its risk threshold as more of a warning sign than a mandate for action: The law doesn’t require the agency to penalize polluters that, alone or in combination, raise the cancer risk in an area above the acceptable level.
In response to ProPublica’s findings, Joe Goffman, acting assistant administrator for the EPA’s Office of Air and Radiation, said in an emailed statement, “Toxic air emissions from industrial facilities are a problem that must be addressed.” Under President Joe Biden’s administration, “the EPA has reinvigorated its commitment to protect public health from toxic air emissions from industrial facilities — especially in communities that have already suffered disproportionately from air pollution and other environmental burdens.”
ProPublica’s reporting exposes flaws with EPA’s implementation of the Clean Air Act, a landmark law that dramatically reduced air pollution across America but provided less protection to those who live closest to industrial polluters.
The 1970 law resulted in outdoor air quality standards for a handful of widespread “criteria” pollutants, including sulfur dioxide and particulate matter, which could be traced to exhaust pipes and smokestacks all over the country and were proven to aggravate asthma and lead to early deaths. But 187 other dangerous chemicals, now known as hazardous air pollutants or air toxics, never got this level of attention. At the time, the science demonstrating the harms of these compounds, which primarily impact people in neighborhoods that border industrial facilities — so-called fence line communities — was still in its early stages. The EPA did not receive enough funding to set the same strict limits, and industry lobbying weakened the agency’s emerging regulations.
In 1990, Congress settled on a different approach to regulating air toxics. Since then, the EPA has made companies install equipment to reduce their pollution and studied the remaining emissions to see if they pose an unacceptable health risk.
The way the agency assesses this risk vastly underestimates residents’ exposure, according to our analysis. Instead of looking at how cancer risk adds up when polluters are clustered together in a neighborhood, the EPA examines certain types of facilities and equipment in isolation. When the agency studies refineries, for example, it ignores a community’s exposure to pollution from nearby metal foundries or shipyards.
Matthew Tejada, director of the EPA’s Office of Environmental Justice, told ProPublica that tackling hot spots of toxic air will require “working back through 50 years of environmental regulation in the United States, and unpacking and untying a whole series of knots.”
Top Polluters
T​​he cancer-causing air emissions from these five corporations cover more populated square miles than the emissions from any other companies, according to our analysis.

• The Dow Chemical Company
• Huntsman Corp.
• Eastman Chemical Co.
• BASF
• LyondellBasell Industries

Most of these companies did not comment; Eastman said, “Not all risk is due to industrial activity, however, we continue to do our part to reduce risk and emissions to ensure the safety of our local community.”
“The environmental regulatory system wasn’t set up to deal with these things,” he said. “All of the parts of the system have to be re-thought to address hot spots or places where we know there’s a disproportionate burden.”
The Clean Air Act rarely requires industry or the EPA to monitor for air toxics, leaving residents near these plants chronically uninformed about what they’re breathing in. And when companies report their emissions to the EPA, they’re allowed to estimate them using flawed formulas and monitoring methods.
“These fence line communities are sacrifice zones,” said Jane Williams, executive director of California Communities Against Toxics. “Before there was climate denial, there was cancer denial. We release millions of pounds of carcinogens into our air, water and food and act mystified when people start getting sick.”
​
....
please read the full article here:
​
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The cancer risks from industrial pollution can be compounded by factors like age, diet, genetic predisposition and exposure to radiation; the knock-on effect of inhaling toxic air for decades might, for example, mean the difference between merely having a family history of breast cancer and actually developing the disease yourself. While the cancer and asthma rates in Houston’s Harris County are comparable with those in the rest of the state, Texas officials have identified cancer clusters in several of the city’s neighborhoods.
Large swaths of the Greater Houston area make up the third-biggest hot spot of cancer-causing air in the country, according to our analysis, after Louisiana’s Cancer Alley and an area around Port Arthur, Texas, which is on the Louisiana border. For many homes closest to the fence lines of petrochemical plants in cities like La Porte and Port Neches, Texas, the estimated excess risk of cancer ranges from three to six times the level that the EPA considers acceptable.
But because of the way that the EPA underestimates risk, the true dangers of living in a toxic hot spot are often invisible to regulators and residents.
The agency breaks things down into the smallest possible categories “to avoid addressing what we call cumulative risk,” said John Walke, an attorney at the Natural Resources Defense Council who formerly worked as an EPA lawyer advising the Office of Air and Radiation. “But our bodies do not parse out air pollution according to rule labels or industrial equipment or industrial source categories.” The cancer risk from each facility or type of equipment may be at levels the agency considers “acceptable,” but taken together, the potential harms can be substantial.
The EPA initially sent ProPublica a statement saying that it “ensures that risks from individual source categories are acceptable and that the standards provide an ample margin of safety to protect public health.”
In another statement sent after an interview, the agency added, “We understand that communities often confront multiple sources of toxic air pollution and face cumulative risks greater than the risk from a single source.” The EPA added that it was working both to better harness the science on cumulative risks and “to better understand risks for communities who are overburdened by numerous sources of multiple pollutants.”
Madison can’t help but notice that when her family travels, K’ryah’s asthma improves. “The first chance I get, I’m moving far away from Texas and never looking back,” she said. “I love being outside. I love seeing the stars. I don’t want to feel like someone is pumping gas onto our front porch.”
The locations of the hot spots identified by ProPublica are anything but random. Industrial giants tend to favor areas that confer strategic advantages: On the Gulf Coast, for instance, oil rigs abound, so it’s more convenient to build refineries along the shoreline. Corporations also favor places where land is cheap and regulations are few.
Under federal law, the EPA delegates the majority of its enforcement powers to state and local authorities, which means that the environmental protections afforded to Americans vary widely between states. Texas, which is home to some of the largest hot spots in the nation, has notoriously lax regulations.
Between 2008 and 2018, lawmakers cut funding for state pollution-control programs by 35% while boosting the state’s overall budget by 41%, according to a report by the Environmental Integrity Project, an advocacy group founded by former EPA staffers. A Texas Tribune story from 2017 found that during the prior year, the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality had levied fines in fewer than 1% of the cases in which polluters exceeded emission limits. Even when penalties are issued, many polluters see these fines as part of the cost of doing business, said Craig Johnston, a former lawyer at the EPA and a professor of environmental law at Lewis and Clark Law School.
Gary Rasp, a TCEQ spokesperson, told ProPublica that the agency “has taken actions to monitor, mitigate, and improve the air quality in fence line communities.” The agency runs dozens of stationary air toxics monitors across the state, he added, and “by continuously evaluating air monitoring data, which is more accurate than modeling, TCEQ can identify issues.” The agency also inspects industrial facilities and “has an active enforcement program, referring particularly egregious cases to the Texas Office of the Attorney General.”
That the people living inside these hot spots are disproportionately Black is not a coincidence. Our findings build on decades of evidence demonstrating that pollution is segregated: People of color are exposed to far greater levels of air pollution than whites — a pattern that persists across income levels. These disparities are rooted in racist real estate practices like redlining and the designation of low-income neighborhoods and communities of color as mixed residential-industrial zones. In cities like Houston, for example, all-white zoning boards targeted Black neighborhoods for the siting of noxious facilities, like landfills, incinerators and garbage dumps. Robert Bullard, a professor of urban planning and environmental policy at Texas Southern University, has called the practice “PIBBY” or “Place In Blacks’ Back Yard” — a spin on the acronym “NIMBY” (“Not In My Back Yard”).
📷 How We Created the Most Detailed Map Ever of Cancer-Causing Industrial Air Pollution
Many of the neighborhoods that border chemical plants are low-income and lack the same resources, access to health care and political capital that wealthier neighborhoods can bring to fights against intrusive commercial activities. In places like Baytown, working-class people depend on the very companies that sicken them to earn a living. Over the years, the shadow of industry can permanently impair not just a neighborhood’s health but also its economic prospects and property values, fueling a cycle of disinvestment. “Industries rely on having these sinks — these sacrifice zones — for polluting,” said Ana Baptista, an environmental policy professor at The New School. “That political calculus has kept in place a regulatory system that allows for the continued concentration of industry. We sacrifice these low-income, African American, Indigenous communities for the economic benefit of the region or state or country.”
Tejada, the EPA’s director of environmental justice, said that the Biden administration and the EPA are focused on confronting these disparities. “These places didn’t happen by accident. The disproportionality of the impacts that they face, the generations of disinvestment and lack of access are not coincidences. These places were created. And it is the responsibility of everyone, including the government — chiefly the government — to do something about it.”
The federal government has long had the information it would need to take on these hot spots. The EPA collects emissions data from more than 20,000 industrial facilities across the country and has even developed its own state-of-the-art tool — the Risk-Screening Environmental Indicators model — to estimate the impact of toxic emissions on human health. The model, known as RSEI, was designed to help regulators and lawmakers pinpoint where to target further air-monitoring efforts, data-quality inspections or, if necessary, enforcement actions. Researchers and journalists have used this model for various investigations over the years, including this one.
And yet the agency’s own use of its powerful modeling tool has been limited. There’s been a lack of funding for and a dearth of interest in RSEI’s more ambitious applications, according to several former and current EPA employees. Wayne Davis, the former EPA scientist, managed the RSEI program under the Trump administration. He said that some of his supervisors were hesitant about publishing information that would directly implicate a facility. “They always told us, ‘Don’t make a big deal of it, don’t market it, and hopefully you’ll continue to get funding next year.’ They didn’t want to make anything public that would raise questions about why the EPA hadn’t done anything to regulate that facility.”
Nicolaas Bouwes, a former senior analyst at the EPA and a chief architect of the RSEI model, recalled the occasional battle to get colleagues to accept the screening tool, let alone share its findings with the public. “There’s often been pushback from having this rich data sheet too readily available because it could make headlines,” he said. “What I find annoying is that the EPA has the same information at their disposal and they don’t use it. If ProPublica can do this, so can the EPA.”
In its statement, the EPA said that it plans to improve its approach for sharing air toxics data faster and more regularly with the public. “EPA has not published calculated cancer risks using RSEI modeled results,” it continued. “RSEI results are not designed as a substitute for more comprehensive, inclusive, or site specific risk assessments,” but as a potential starting point that should only be used “to identify situations of potential concern that may warrant further investigation.”
Indeed, our map works as a screening tool, not as a site-specific risk assessment. It cannot be used to tie individual cancer cases to emissions from specific industrial facilities, but it can be used to diagnose what the EPA calls “situations of potential concern.”
Our analysis arrives as America faces new threats to its air quality. The downstream effects of climate change, like warmer temperatures and massive wildfires, have created more smoke and smog. The Trump administration diluted, scuttled or reversed dozens of air pollution protections — actions estimated to lead to thousands of additional premature deaths. In 2018, then-EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt created a massive air toxics loophole when he rolled back a key provision of the Clean Air Act, known as “Once In, Always In,” allowing thousands of large polluters to relax their use of pollution-controlling equipment.
Biden has yet to close this loophole, but he has signaled plans to alleviate the disproportionate impacts borne by the people who live in these hot spots. Within his first few days in office, he established two White House councils to address environmental injustice. And in March, Congress confirmed his appointment of EPA administrator Michael Regan, who has directed the agency to strengthen its enforcement of violations “in communities overburdened by pollution.”
https://www.propublica.org/article/toxmap-poison-in-the-air
Over the years, Sullivan Ramirez herself has struggled with nerve degeneration and scleroderma, a rare condition that involves the tightening of the skin and connective tissues. While it can be difficult to link specific cases of disease to pollution exposure, the evidence in Mossville has accumulated: In a 1998 health survey conducted by the University of Texas, 84% of Mossville residents reported having headaches, dizziness, tremors and seizures. An EPA study from the same year found that the average level of dioxins in the blood of Mossville residents was dangerously high — triple that of the general U.S. population. Even small amounts of dioxin, one of the most poisonous chemicals released by facilities, can cause developmental problems, damage the immune system and lead to cancer. A 2007 report found that the types of dioxin compounds in the blood of Mossville residents matched those emitted by local industrial facilities.
In an emailed statement, Sasol noted that its property buyout stemmed from direct requests from Mossville residents and that the company offered owners more than the appraised value of their homes. “Sasol and its predecessor have produced or handled chemicals at our Lake Charles complex for more than 60 years. We understand the science and have controls in place to ensure our operations are safe, protective of the environment, compliant with regulations and sustainable over the long term,” wrote Sarah Hughes, a spokesperson for Sasol. “Sasol is proud of our engagement with our neighbors in Mossville and the positive impact it has had on many of its residents.”
📷 Can Air Pollution Cause Cancer? What You Need to Know About the Risks.
Sullivan Ramirez is wary of too much talk. She knows that the new administration has promised something more for communities like hers, but she doesn’t want to get her hopes up. The presentations from captains of industry, the listening sessions with earnest bureaucrats, the proposals from slick attorneys, the promises tossed off by politicians — over the years, she’s heard it all.
The people of Mossville are right to be skeptical, the EPA’s Tejada acknowledged. “I would be skeptical if I was from Mossville,” he added. “They should be skeptical until we actually show up and do the things that they’ve been asking us to do for a long time. But there’s now a level of commitment to actually tangling with these issues in a really serious, substantive way.”
After years of activism in Mossville, Sullivan Ramirez moved to Lake Charles, just a short drive away. But she worries the industrial sprawl will one day overtake her new home. To Sullivan Ramirez, Mossville is “the key” — a warning of what the future holds for America’s other hot spots if business continues as usual.
“This is the 21st century,” she said. “The act of polluting our lands and robbing our communities — when will enough be enough?”
​
please read this article in full here:
https://www.propublica.org/article/toxmap-poison-in-the-air

https://www.ft.com/content/11cb394d-a13e-4826-b580-823b9367fedb
TL;DR: Paragon is a company making basically the same spyware as Pegasus, but are only selling it to US and its allies so they don't get sued into oblivion. Ehud Barak is also on the BoD.
In the summer of 2019, as Paragon Solutions was building one the world’s most potent cyberweapons, the company made a prescient decision: before courting a single customer, best get the Americans on side.
The Israeli start-up had watched local rival NSO Group, makers of the controversial Pegasus spyware, fall foul of the Biden administration and be blacklisted in the US. So Paragon sought guidance from top American advisers, secured funding from US venture capital groups and eventually scored a marquee client that eludes its competition: the US government.
Interviews with half a dozen industry figures about the divergent paths of the two companies underline how the shadowy spyware industry is being reshaped around those friendly to American interests.
According to four of those people, the US Drug Enforcement and Administration Agency is among the top customers for Paragon’s signature product nicknamed Graphite.
The malware surreptitiously pierces the protections of modern smartphones and evades the encryption of messaging apps like Signal or WhatsApp, sometimes harvesting the data from cloud backups — much like Pegasus does.
Paragon was set up by Ehud Schneorson, the retired commander of Unit 8200, the Israeli army’s elite signals intelligence arm. According to people familiar with the company, which includes ex-Prime Minister Ehud Barak on its board, has secured investment from two US-based venture capital firms, Battery Ventures and Red Dot.
Paragon, Barak, Battery Ventures and Red Dot declined to comment.
In 2019, even before work on Graphite had been completed, on advice from a retired senior Mossad official, Paragon hired DC-based WestExec Advisors, the influential advisory group staffed by ex-Obama White House officials including Michele Flournoy, Avril Haines and Antony Blinken. Ex-US ambassador to Israel, Dan Shapiro, was also consulted, people with knowledge of the advisory effort said. Shapiro declined to comment.
WestExec said it “advised Paragon on its strategic approach to the US and European markets, as well as the formulation of its industry-leading ethical commitments designed to ensure the appropriate use of its technology,” adding it was “proud of our contributions in these critical areas.”
After the election of Democratic president Joe Biden in 2021, Blinken was appointed secretary of state, while Haines is now director of national intelligence. Both had departed WestExec by the time of the Paragon contract, the lobbying firm said. Flournoy — once considered in the running to lead the defence department — remains an influential US voice on foreign affairs.
American approval, even if indirect, has been at the heart of Paragon’s strategy. The company sought a list of allied nations that the US wouldn’t object to seeing deploy Graphite. People with knowledge of the matter suggested 35 countries are on that list, though the exact nations involved could not be determined. Most were in the EU and some in Asia, the people said.
“Everything they did was with the strategy that at the end of the day, the US should see them as the good guys,” said one person familiar with the decisions.
That contrasts with NSO’s recent troubles. By 2019, assisted by the regional diplomacy of prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, NSO was a $1bn company selling its wares to Saudi Arabia, Mexico and dozens of other countries.
By the time the Biden administration came into office, NSO’s lucrative customers were proving to be its Achilles heel, as many of those regimes continued to deploy the multimillion-dollar weapon against journalists, dissidents and opposition leaders.
As evidence of abuse spread, such as the targeting of US diplomats in Uganda in 2021, NSO has found itself in the crosshairs both of the American government and the world’s largest tech companies. Apple and WhatsApp owner Meta are suing it.
“There is a growing sense that this particular type of malware is so invasive, so surreptitious that its proliferation poses both a human rights risk and a counter-intelligence risk to the US,” said Stephen Feldstein, who has studied the spread of spyware such as Pegasus and Graphite for the Carnegie Endowment.
For nearly a decade, the only restraint on some of the biggest spyware manufacturers was Israeli export controls, which regulate malware like Pegasus as weapons. Feldstein said that Israeli officials “make decisions on geopolitical solutions, not on human rights abuses.”
Paragon’s founders, however, were more sensitive to the increasingly dim view the US was taking of the proliferation of cyberweapons.
After NSO’s malware was tracked to the phones of associates of murdered Saudi columnist Jamal Khashoggi, Paragon declined Israeli government requests to replace Pegasus with Graphite in the Saudi armoury, according to two people familiar with the issue.
Paragon’s decision to eschew a valuable Saudi contract eventually paid off. Two other Israeli firms, Quadream and Candiru, which sold similar hacking capabilities to the Saudi government, were outed by Microsoft and rights group Citizen Lab after their malware was used on journalists and dissidents. Candiru was blacklisted alongside NSO in Nov 2021. Quadream recently shut down operations, the Israeli paper Calcalist reported.
The US has stepped in further to reshape the spyware market to favour those who sell cyberweapons to the US and its allies, while curbing those who chase lucrative contracts with authoritarian regimes.
President Joe Biden signed an executive order in March barring any US agency from purchasing spyware that “poses risks to national security or has been misused by foreign actors to enable human rights abuses around the world.”
The wording of the executive order is seen by experts as targeting NSO, while carving out a space for companies like Paragon to continue selling similar spyware, but only to the closest of US allies. The American expectation — still unproven — is that friendly nations are less likely to abuse such a weapon on civil society, or to spy on US government officials deployed abroad.
“It’s really making the case that the US believes that many of these kinds of tools are unlawful,” said David Kaye, who as the UN’s Rapporteur for Freedom of Expression spent years trying to hold the NSO Group accountable for its customers’ abuse of its spyware. “And if the proliferation of these tools is a national security problem, then that really changes the conversation from it being a human rights problem.”
NSO said it “does not believe that its placement on the [US Commerce Department blacklist] has ever been warranted,” adding: “ironically, other cyber intelligence companies who are not subject to the list sell to countries without any regulatory structure and that NSO refuses to make sales [to].”
However, the DEA’s purchase of Graphite, reportedly only for use by its partners in Mexico to help fight drug cartels, has begun to draw scrutiny. The DEA said it uses: “every lawful investigative tool available to pursue the foreign-based cartels and individuals operating around the world responsible for the drug poisoning deaths of 107,735 Americans last year.”
Congressman Adam Schiff, the chair of the House Intelligence Committee, wrote to the DEA in December asking for more details on the purchase. Mexico is among the worst abusers of NSO’s Pegasus which it bought nearly a decade ago.
Schiff wrote: “such use [of spyware] could have potential implications for US national security, as well as run contrary to efforts to deter the broad proliferation of powerful surveillance capabilities to autocratic regimes and others who may misuse them.”

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Schedule

Game	Runner / Channel	Time / Link
Pre-Show (before the marathon%)	Interview Crew	0:29:00
Sonic Frontiers (Any%)+	AlphaDolphin	1:07:08
Bugsnax (All Bosses Co-op)+	Konception and limy	0:45:00
Mega Man Maker (any%)+	megamarino	0:30:00
F-Zero X (All Tracks (Expansion Kit))	1davidj	1:25:00
Skate 2 (Any%)+	SupaScared	0:45:00
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap (Any%)	Myth197	1:40:00
BONUS GAME 1 - Ring Fit Adventure (Beat World 1 Intensity 30 Restricted)	Verxl	0:20:00
Luigi's Mansion (100% Race)+	HDlax and Jovin	1:15:00
Daily Recap - Sunday (Recap%)	Interview Crew	0:15:00
Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition (NG Devil Hunter - Nero/Dante)	DECosmic	1:20:00
Thief (2014) (Any% (Rogue, No DLC))+	DemonicRobots	1:25:00
Banjo-Kazooie (100% no FFM)+	duck	2:08:00
Dark Summit (Any%)+	flatline	0:50:00
Bloody Hell (Any%)+	BystanderTim	0:15:00
Loom (Any% VGA)+	LMMotoss	0:30:00
Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (Any%)	RetroBrando	0:22:00
SuzukiBakuhatsu (Any% Hard)	quino	0:20:00
Metal Slug XX (normal Any% eri)+	sukimos	0:25:00
Anodyne (All Bosses)	LaserTrap_	0:27:00
PHOGS! (Solo Any%)+	Sean_A	1:05:00
Alien Swarm (Any% Co-op)+	Kykystas and mr.deagle	0:20:00
Attack on Titan 2: Final Battle (Season 3)	Froob	0:52:00
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII - Reunion (Any% Race)+	desa3579 and BigSid	1:20:00
Peggle Deluxe (Any%)+	britsha	1:20:00
ENDER LILIES: Quietus of the Knights (All Spirits)+	Keizaron	1:10:00
Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus (All Keys)+	Zenthrow	1:12:00
The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (Any%)	benstephens56	1:35:00
Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Any% Ultimate)	The Blacktastic	0:25:00
Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon 2 (Episode 1: Normal/Veteran)	DanTheVP	0:38:00
BONUS GAME 2 - Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (Randomizer- Any% Glitchless (Lycanthrope))	Dr4gonBlitz	1:05:00
Daily Recap - Monday (Recap%)	Interview Crew	0:15:00
StepManiaX (Game Showcase)	ZephyrGlaze, WDRM, and chezmix	1:20:00
Katana ZERO (All Stages Normal)+	Modulottie	0:24:00
Hearthstone: Knights of the Frozen Throne (Solo Adventures)	srd_27	0:30:00
Overcooked! 2: Night of the Hangry Horde (All (Hangry) Horde Levels)	RUBIEHART, Peace Egg, and Sunbrojade	1:00:00
Chained Echoes (Any% No CW - Fresh File)+	moonblazewolf	0:53:00
Alpha Prime (Any%)+	danejerus	0:34:00
Rose of Meat (Any%)	shmumbler	0:12:00
SNOLF (Any% No Coordinate Warp)+	dowolf	0:40:00
Marathon Infinity (All Main Levels - Kindergarten)	tbcr	0:35:00
G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (Any%)+	MixMastaPJ	0:25:00
Maniac Mansion (Any%)+	Sathdresh	0:08:00
Disney's 102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the Rescue (All Levels, Inbounds race (PS2))	passere and TaintedTali	0:32:00
Ratatouille (Any%)+	adef	0:25:00
CrossCode (Any% No Menu Glitches)+	EpicYoshiMaster	1:35:00
Hi-Fi RUSH (Any% NG Easy)+	MoistRock	2:45:00
Bastion (Live Tutorial Showcase)	Cosmic_Bones and SeaAverage	0:35:00
Returnal (Fresh File Glitched (PC))+	cavecavecave	0:40:00
The Elder Scrolls Anthology (Main Series)+	Chronos_R	2:00:00
BioShock 2 (Any%)	bloodthunder	1:05:00
BONUS GAME 3 - Halo 3 (Legendary)	g3lk_jr	1:25:00
Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes (Any% - Normal)+	NickRPGreen	1:11:00
Daily Recap - Tuesday (Recap%)	Interview Crew	0:15:00
Silent Hill: Homepour (All Bosses NG+)	shmumbler	2:45:00
SIGNALIS (Any% Casual Difficulty / Memory Ending)+	DruciferPlays	0:50:00
Choo-Choo Charles (Any%)+	Bird650	0:25:00
Resident Evil 6 (Ada vs Jake, Coop, Amateur, NG+)+	TaintedTali and texan_red_wolf	1:20:00
Dead Rising 2 (TimeSkip NG)+	Ecdycis	1:00:00
Kidnapped (Any%)+	sharkhat87	0:10:00
Goosebumps: Dead of Night (Any% Normal)+	nyiddle	0:15:00
Beard Blade (Any%)+	janglestorm	0:54:00
Dharma Doujo (Any%)	Lizstar	0:40:00
Gauntlet (Any% Co-op)+	yelsraek and chessjerk	0:20:00
Sifu (WUDE Any% (Master))+	EileenCream	0:52:00
Exodus from the Earth (Any%)+	catalystz	0:35:00
Touhou 14.3: Impossible Spell Card (All Scenes No Items)	msm_smtn	1:20:00
Shatterhand (Any%)+	Amad	0:24:00
lil gator game (Any%)+	ItzBytez	0:18:00
Dangun Feveron (Arcade)	Qlex	0:22:00
Trine Enchanted Edition (Any% NG+)+	GrosHiken	0:25:00
N++ (Co-op Legacy X-row)	killingpepsi and XandoToaster	0:25:00
HITMAN 3 (Any% Freelancer Campaign)	Frote7	0:30:00
Shadow the Hedgehog (Glitchless Bidwar)+	MetalMedb	0:20:00
Sonic Adventure (DX) (All Stories Relay)+	SpacebarS, shovelclaws, Themimik, Yoshipuff, AlphaDolphin, and Allegro	1:50:00
The Legend of Zelda: Majoras Mask (Blitz Randomizer)+	spikevegeta	2:30:00
BONUS GAME 4 - Super Mario Odyssey (Any%)	Dangers	1:02:00
Daily Recap - Wednesday (Recap%)	Interview Crew	0:15:00
Paper Mario (Any% no ace)	Mx_4	1:50:00
True Crime: New York City (Any%)+	pmcTRILOGY	1:00:00
Golf It! (Classic First 5 Maps 100% Race)+	Nichole Goodnight and Bathinjan	0:30:00
Hobo Cat Adventures (Any%)+	yoshipro	0:20:00
Batman Forever (Any%)	Faust4712	0:45:00
Give Me Toilet Paper! (Hand%)+	Asuka424	0:13:00
Pepsiman (Any%)	TheFlyingMarlin	0:28:00
Stair Quest (Stair%)+	davidtki	0:15:00
The Cat in the Hat (PS1) (Any%)+	Mildew	0:12:00
Wayne's World (Any%)	Ritzblues	0:30:00
The Incredible Hulk (Any%)+	Iceplug	0:20:00
Pocky & Rocky Reshrined (Any% Uzume)+	EODTexSR	0:25:00
The Curse of Monkey Island (Any% Mega-Monkey)+	frozenspade	0:24:00
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Any% (No 3rd-party FPS caps))	Joshimuz	4:20:00
Darkest Dungeon (Defeat Hag/NecromanceSwine Prince Bidwar)+	RebelDragon95	0:50:00
Mega Man 6 (Any% 2 Players 1 Controller)	DarkTerrex and Ppotdot1	0:41:00
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Any%)	mralberto23	3:00:00
Pizza Tower (Any%)+	SoaringSloth	1:20:00
BONUS GAME 5 - Titanfall 2 (Any%)	Blaidan	1:25:00
Daily Recap - Thursday (Recap%)	Interview Crew	0:15:00
Gunfire: Reborn (Qing Yan - Full Game - Reincarnation 1)+	Shockwve	0:35:00
Crash Bandicoot: N. Sane Trilogy (Full Trilogy Any%)	Murcaz	2:40:00
Amnesia: Rebirth (Any%)+	bloodthunder	1:00:00
Shantae and the Pirate's Curse (All Dark Magic, Pirate Mode, No OOB)	TheSoundDefense	1:20:00
Klonoa Phantasy Reverie Series (Klonoa 1 Any% Easy Support Mode)+	Mr_Shasta	0:50:00
VVVVVV (Any% Glitchless)+	Metroid Crime	0:22:00
SaGa Frontier (Story Bidwar)+	Raclesis	1:00:00
Final Fight 3 (Co-Op Any% (Easy))+	JaekRock and Space Coast Gaming	0:25:00
Shinobi 3: Return of the Ninja Master (Expert)	dagronSR	0:30:00
Wild Guns (Any% hard co-op)+	giygasblues and Crak Atak	0:25:00
Lunistice (Any% Glitchless)+	Nestani	0:35:00
X-Men Arcade (2-player 1CC Attempt)	LRock617 and MetroidMaster	0:30:00
Dark Forces (Easy (TFE))+	CovertMuffin	0:26:00
The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords (Any% Co-op)+	AmberCyprian and TGH	0:30:00
Metroid Prime Remastered (Any%)+	Samura1man	2:00:00
Pokémon Colosseum (Any% Race)+	Swiftalu and Sparkle	4:05:00
Kaizo Monkey Ball (Story Mode)	IkeSMB	0:40:00
Sure Shot (100%)+	Shoujo	0:25:00
Spin Rhythm XD (XD Turntable Showcase)	AngryScootsman	1:00:00
BONUS GAME 6 - Clone Hero (Showcase)	Frif	0:54:00
Daily Recap - Friday (Recap%)	Interview Crew	0:15:00
Celeste (TAS- True Ending)+	Lmjacks, tmcalvins, and Vamp	0:36:00
Super Mario 64 (Randomizer- 70 Star Non-Stop)+	360Chrism	0:42:00
Kingdom Hearts Final Mix (Any% Proud Race)+	MistMaster1 and Violin	2:30:00
TimeShift (Casual Difficulty)+	ChurchnSarge	1:05:00
Neopets: The Darkest Faerie (Any%)+	Jaxler	0:50:00
Tony Hawk's Underground (Beginner Any%)	Biglaw	0:37:00
Spelunky 2 (Spelunker Trials Any%)+	Lavableman	0:20:00
Ori and the Blind Forest Definitive Edition (All Skills No OOB/TA)+	Primorix	0:35:00
Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg (Any%)	monkeysmb	1:12:00
Final Fantasy IV Pixel Remaster (Any%)	Zic3	2:55:00
I Wanna Be the Guy Remastered (Any%)+	LogicPQ	0:25:00
Superhot VR (Any%)+	davidtki	0:15:00
Super Mario Bros. (Warpless)+	GTAce	0:20:00
Fire Emblem Engage (Any%)+	Claris	1:15:00
Pokémon Scarlet/Violet (Victory Road)+	eddaket	2:30:00
Elden Ring (Any% Glitchless)	Mitchriz	1:20:00
Super Mario Maker 2 (Relay Race)	TheRileyC, Aurateur, PangaeaPanga, TanukiDan, Shoujo, Caspur189, LilKirbs, and Thabeast721	1:40:00
BONUS GAME 7 - The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Any% Blindfolded)	Bubzia	1:45:00
Baron Of Shell (100%)+	grandpoobear	0:48:00
Event Recap (Recap 100%)	Interview Crew	0:20:00
Super Metroid (Co-Op Any%)+	ShinyZeni and zoast	0:50:00
Finale! (The End%)+	Tech Crew	0:20:00

• Gender: Male
• Race/Ethnicity: White
• Residence: Wisconsin
• Income Bracket: ~200k
• Type of School: non-competitive private
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): none

Intended Major(s): applied undecided ea/Ed, engineering rd
Academics

• GPA (UW/W): 3.91 UW
• Rank (or percentile): does not rank
• # of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: 10 APs, 6 honors
• Senior Year Course Load: Ap lit, Ap euro, Ap calc Bc, Ap psych, Ap physics

Standardized Testing
List the highest scores earned and all scores that were reported.

• ACT: 34(35E, 31M, 36R, 33S)
• AP/IB: calc Ab(4) , Chem(3), ap comp(4)

Extracurriculars/Activities

1. Track captain, 4 years (kinda trash at it though)
2. International engineering competition, programme manager
3. Chess club captain
4. English honor society president
5. Ultimate frisbee 💀
6. Hockey
7. math tutoring center (a lot of hours)
8. Miscellaneous volunteering (shelter tutor)
9. Job
10. Some minor stuff

Awards/Honors

1. Commended scholar
2. Ap scholar with distinction
3. School top science student award
4. Presidential volunteer service award
5. Service award (school)

Letters of Recommendation
(Briefly describe relationships with your recommenders and estimated rating.)
History(8/10): counselor said it was strong. Teacher liked me and said I was a rare student but didn’t really elaborate
Science(7/10): he liked me a lot. I think solid letter
Counselor(7/10): I think good, likely echoed stuff history teacher said.
Dartmouth peer(8/10): friend wrote it, was super kind.
Interviews
Dartmouth(7/10): clicked with the interviewer, was kinda fun
Georgetown(4/10): we clicked but I was late and he got confused at some of my questions
Tufts(0/10): missed the email💀 bye bye demonstrated interest
Essays
I think decent, I’m not sure how to rate them. I’ve been told I’m a good writer.
Decisions (indicate ED/EA/REA/SCEA/RD)
Acceptances:

• Fordham > honors
• Santa Clara > didn’t fill out honors ( decent money though)
• Vermont > honors
• U of Minnesota (no honors??) ea
• UW-Madison ea
• Boston college (engineering > initially committed)
• Wake Forest
• William & Mary

Waitlists: - UMich ea - Dartmouth > waitlist closed 🥲 - University of Notre Dame > accepted > committed Rejections:

• Georgetown (philosophy)(idek why i applied)
• Tufts
• Cornell
• Brown (ed)

Additional Information:
I did well. BC was cool but super expensive, Notre Dame ended up being my cheapest option. I was stupid and ended up writing all my rd apps in a week after getting rejected from brown. So don’t do that.

(I made a list in July 2021 and another in May 2022 about all the various non-Japanese visual kei bands I could find. Now it's time for part 3 with all the new bands I've found alongside the bands from the old lists. I am trying to make a comprehensive list of foreign visual kei bands so if you know of any others let me know
Some of these are mildly visual. Either they used to be visual kei but are not anymore, are vaguely visual kei as in you can see the resemblance but wouldn't call them full-fledged visual kei, are visual kei second and another style first. Or only one or a few band members are visual kei looking
As mentioned if you know of any others let me know and they will be added.)
Seremedy: Sweden https://youtu.be/OAGkdBALl80
DIE/MAY: Finland https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEaK6lkmJUI
DISREIGN: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uKSVOfpjuk
SURGE~outofdesperation: Brazil https://youtu.be/Sa8klCkQHEs?t=42
PSYGAI: Brazil https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49B8HoyW4BY
XIII Dreizehn: Brazil https://youtu.be/M985Tjs-N1g?t=28
ESCRAIN: Brazil https://youtu.be/sXykhKwzUjg
MEA: Indonesia https://youtu.be/-sCkAQ8HA_s
Tenshi no Yume: Mexico https://youtu.be/_aFQKistiWY
RE:BORN: Brazil https://youtu.be/BkTtVhsTa_0
Ithara: Indonesia https://youtu.be/iSuHh-TSLGI
Ante ⚜ Alice: France https://youtu.be/9-3gqptv7q8
NORA: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czonwp5kR3o
CLOSER: France https://youtu.be/vMrJ-jnr3EY
Pathétique Poupée: Brazil https://youtu.be/HFNobSGtk0E
Akamaru: France https://youtu.be/mKbvtW-SueA
Lilith: China https://youtu.be/q1npA7gWLaA
Esprit D'Air: United Kingdom https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2gEonV1qQM (They are kinda on the edge of what can be considered VK)
MaleRose: Thailand https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAc3h9WeI7M
Dirt Angel: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qo7JkEQh6JM
Le Mal Est Fée: France https://youtu.be/rQDF1PmfYQM
L'ucibel: Brazil https://youtu.be/j2K309S6By0
In A Scar: Spain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KGS55bVXWg
∆UR∆L C∅M∆: Switzerland https://youtu.be/1MZeYEuYUjc
Lolita Komplex: Austria https://youtu.be/DUOXUWYL2fw
Villder Na'ill: Portugal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NR2VUJrt5mU
Kogure: Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkUI-Y4svWo
Nana:[shi]: Germany https://youtu.be/fM9_WzLGLdU
Lucid: United States https://youtu.be/q9PqUgOi_m8
Hybrids: France https://youtu.be/Edo1GN0Vksc
eqlipsE: Canada https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-Hcmcqn6xA
Sada Project: Argentina https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjN2_8zqzkg
BatAAr: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJBFZtRdYGQ
SPŒKE: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guK0DOqlwm0
HYDRA: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQp0jP5Ugao
Angel Heart: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YalwgxsMuFc
EVE: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEJovmee-ns
Madmans Esprit: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSkl1_kb3ag
Salems Lott: United States https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQbOA3r0Hgc
VII ARC: Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it_M9OG51go
VOID: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Yu2DedKE0E
ms. isohp romatem: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4O5z4vr3Eo
Pink Jisatsu: Spain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjZkPjy_1Uw
AKADO: Russia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3jRO2DO_3o
Noir du'Soleil: Australia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA2JqNWEGnI
GPKism: Australia https://youtu.be/oUFhkRRSUg0
Zichxyna: Australia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfSgq1knYX8
Silver Ash: China https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itybOQc1FA0
Siniestra: Mexico https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KVEvOhUIRg
IVY-MOIRE: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyvVmePYuDw
Scarlet Horizon: China https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOlIHssyJsE
GAZTREA: Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV_B83HMfpg
Daylotus: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30GTWWp_1fE
SeiuN: Argentina https://youtu.be/C1yC19RiswI
Fleur Preludio: Mexico https://youtu.be/XAcEUCBsA1U
Junki Sakuraba: Brazil https://youtu.be/xvGw2RHAfL4
Shouganaira: United States https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMlK5NTyeEU
Dante69: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxvRk1g3zCU
dereden: France https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xblgoh
Lyre: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWdkMV4wqfE
MarA: China https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjuznXqksdE
De;Novo: Hong Kong https://youtu.be/vYh9eJcujDw
Silent Dust: Chile https://youtu.be/oe2fmf1etCw
Reverie: Hong Kong https://youtu.be/cwkZyR-7-8Q
Psycho Phobia: Chile https://youtu.be/8IGd3g8d5No
LIGHTNING: France https://youtu.be/Nfe9Z0_WUHY
A'urea: Brazil https://youtu.be/Rz93FCrtrVg
KuroHana: Brazil https://youtu.be/rCccwcdXuZQ
v-cRows: Bolivia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tQUZ0EL6as
Keloid: Spain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3tZ-3b63HI
Romantica: Argentina https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3E2yqlyABw
Allumina: Brazil https://youtu.be/FMInQw0usdA (They are mildly visual but they are on vk.gy and take inspiration from visual kei)
NOROI: Taiwan https://youtu.be/Akh-uStV27M
The Fist Front: Taiwan https://youtu.be/gR0IQiIty7k
melancholiaah!: United States https://youtu.be/eH7DCIOnhL8 (He considers himself more of an idol artist but he includes visual kei as one of the tags on his bandcamp)
Assembler: Chile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHmKgnZHn0c (Not the visual style normally on this sub but they are listed as a VK band on a Spanish visual kei wiki)
D's Air: Argentina https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYze0QKNCRk
Daruma: Hungary https://youtu.be/ZAU0I81m4nU
CHOCORETTO: Indonesia https://youtu.be/A4-lcYQt85w
R'AIE XIII: Taiwan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRTKgYG2o3M
BLACKMORAL: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xZc_VCSEhQ
DesireD: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbErs8h91ww
Coitus Delusion: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnZWQImkBSs
Zanrokku: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wv1BelqHRQQ
BLAIR: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mti51FhprlY
UNVIRAL: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6oovQyXPh0
INVINITIUM: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA2A3feOM94
ROKUSTAR: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr_2oQUR11o
SIHIR Project: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CQ2HYNOR_Y
JELLYFISH: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_8o0mkoduk
HARAKKKIRI: Chile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAq-o1Tb-UE
Melody Maker: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OD_JqZeKBY
Kurenai -EVE- Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pYpLmzjNJE
Crestillion: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmgaWltRQhY
Dreams Not Reality: Italy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v4-hKv56WA (Only mildly visual)
GaïdjinN: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dveh3FIQIfQ
Lust: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYoYd63mXqU
Mugen Zero: Spain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6v9Kf80vCX0
SAI: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAMOJM0Of4o
Shiro RooM: Poland https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCjcpex1fiQ
Violent Pachinko: Spain https://youtu.be/djdIFtafaq8
Visual MooN: Mongolia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbMGnq_563w
INVIDIE: Brazil https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhvRnqe6oys (This is a cover of one of their songs)
KyuuKe: Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSWXMXuPUw0
TRAX: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqnscuWhDic
Adeline: France https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHO2FJ5_vnI
Dierest: Brazil https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBxulPTHDwM
Reset-Língcǎidù-: Taiwan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLbTRI673Is
Abaddon: Norway https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hcyXMs0H_A
KUDAITA: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_2jke5y7JQ
ParanoiD: Hong Kong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVTztFoYsaQ
YOHIO: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJgZCaBiE1s
SCUM: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbcdCmIyQmc
MASK to BARA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMcrDyCZDPs
Ankimo: South Korea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyMKGWR79jQ (mildly visual)
Love Twice Despaired: United States https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEOA8HuxQBA (mildly visual)
Endigo: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxu_v0hdykI (I am kinda cheating here. He did something vaguely visual kei for one album)
KARMIA: Finland https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8PNP2uODoc
Mizu: Spain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2WOXzGCc4k
leere: Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOxYGaau34Y
+la'death:flower+: Unknown but vk.gy says they are foreign https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDV-zTP0bxA
GothicDolls: Spain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-s5Fsq0f0A
RecordeR: China https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8asAlUjFPk
Evatra: Indonesia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdGDEyHPA4E
Shokora: Mexico https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evPl9-f2nG0 (mildly visual)
OVERWORLD: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GqVupWkDyc
Jenlayn: Finland https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDNEQrqju8E
KAIRU: United States https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRuR_ZJpafc
S.A.N: Finland https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pycUd7hfdj8
SHIZZURA: Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDr-BWAJCRY
SOL ARDOUR: United States https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGEP95BlpY4
AROGYA: India https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hENFn346rcM
IN SHADE: Finland https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04RHayvH1Zc
Kerbera: Sweden https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRBTSCigLsY

~ 1. Introduction ~
Here is a detailed description of my wishlist for a Mario Kart 9 or 10/X (if Tour is considered the 9th installment) I don't expect everyone to like all my ideas. This is just a wishlist. I obviously would be happy with any Mario Kart Nintendo decides to put out but in a perfect world, this is what I would want for it to be the best Mario Kart imo. I hope you enjoy.
*= Thoughts, Personal opinions, New ideas for modes, mechanics, driver outfits, vehicles, items, options, etc

• with numbered annotation⁰= Explanations on certain features

🔒= Locked. Must be unlocked by in game requirements or DLC
~ 2. Mechanics ~
~ Single Player / Multiplayer 》1P》2P》3P》4P》
Grand Prix》Class Optimization》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Circuits》Cup Select》 Class Optimization options: Engine: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》All¹》All Mirror¹》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》² Drift: Automatic》Manual》³ Items: Normal》No Items》 Camera: Normal》First Person》⁴
*¹ - All and All Mirror options are only available in Grand Prix. After a Circuit has been selected, It'll play each Cup in order of that specific Circuit.
*² - All race and battle modes will feature either a Solo Dash or the new Double Dash option similar to Mario Kart Double Dash for extra replayability and character combinations.
*³ - Even if not many people liked Automatic drifting, it was there for a reason for you to choose. Some liked it. Some didn't. It should be the player's choice.
*⁴ - Camera can also be changed freely during the race from the pause menu.
Time Trials》Driver(s) Select》Circuits》Cup Select》Course Select》 Race Solo》Race Against Ghost》View Ghost》Online Ghost》Upload Ghost Data》
• VS Race》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Customized Race》Circuits》Cup Select》Course Select》 Customized Race options: Engine Class: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》Frantic》No Items》No Items and Coins》Custom》 COM: Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro¹》 COM Vehicles (Solo)²: All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 COM Vehicles (Doubles)²: All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Courses: Choose》In Order》Random》 Race Count: 4》5³》8》12》16》32》64》All》 Laps: 1》2》3》4》5》⁴
*¹ - Added a Pro difficulty to make the CPU feel more of a challenge.
*² - Wanted to split the vehicle selections between Solo Dash and Double Dash drivers. Solo Dash drivers will now only select between Karts and Bikes and Double Dash drivers will only select between ATVs and new Buggy vehicles. *Buggys are essential similar to the designs of the Karts used in Mario Kart Double Dash. ATVs are now bigger in size to help fit the idea of 2 drivers on one vehicle.
*³ - The original Super Mario Kart had 5 courses per Cup so I brought that option back for custom races.
*⁴ - Wanted to make the option available for players. These courses will be excluded from Laps option and be set to default when selected: ⁿ⁶⁴ Wario Stadium, ⁿ⁶⁴ Rainbow Road, ᵍᶜⁿ Baby Park, ᵍᶜⁿ Wario Colosseum, ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Loop, ³ᵈˢ Maka Wuhu, ³ᵈˢ Rainbow Road, ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mount Wario, and ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Big Blue.
Battle》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Customized Battle》Course Select》 Customized Battle options: Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》Frantic》Skilled》Custom》 Round Time: 1 Minute》2 Minutes》3 Minutes》4 Minutes》5 Minutes》 COM: Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro》 COM Vehicles (Solo Dash): All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 COM Vehicles (Double Dash): All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Courses: Choose》In Order》Random》 Round Count: 3 Rounds》5 Rounds》7 Rounds》¹
*¹ - I shortened the rounds. Anything past 7 rounds is too much imo but that's just me. Also being a little bias cuz I'm not a fan of battle mode.
~ Online Play 》1P》2P》
Worldwide: Grand Prix*》VS Race》Battle》
Regional: Grand Prix*》VS Race》Battle》
Friends》Create Room
Tournaments》Menu. Menu options: Create a Tournament: Icon》Name》Rules》Time Settings》Other》 *Rules options: Mode: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》Balloon》Classic Balloon¹》 Renegade Roundup》Bob-omb Blast》Shine Runners¹》Coin Runners》 Shine Thief》Thunder Cloud Tag¹》Random Battle》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》No Items》No Items or Coins》Frantic》Skilled*²》Custom》 Round Time (Battle only): 1 Minute》2 Minutes》3 Minutes》4 Minutes》5 Minutes》 COM: No COM》Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro》 Vehicles (Solo Dash): All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 Vehicles (Double Dash): All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Camera: Normal》First Person》 Smart Steering: Smart Steering OK》No Smart Steering》 *Time Settings options: Frequency: Weekly》Daily》Fixed Period》 Start Day: Sunday》Monday》Tuesday》Wednesday》Thursday》Friday》Saturday》 Start Date: Dependent》 Start Time: Dependent》 End Day: Sunday》Monday》Tuesday》Wednesday》Thursday》Friday》Saturday》 End Date: Dependent》 End Time: Dependent》 Round Count: 4 Rounds》8 Rounds》16 Rounds》 Group Shuffling: Don't Shuffle》Every 4th Match》 *Other options: Player Rating: Any Rating》0-2999》3000-9999》10000-99999》 Public/Private: Open to Everyone》Code Required》
*¹ - Scroll down to Battle section for more info.
*² - Skilled Items for Battle mode only.
Search by Code Search by Type Active Tournaments

• • A Report button will finally be added to report cheaters/hackers/etc.
• • I'm thinking Solo Dash races will feature the usual 12 players (1st - 12th place) while Double Dash races features upto 16 players but 8 groups total (1st - 8th place).
• • Worldwide and Regional Grand Prix will be 2-12 racers (or 4-16 in doubles mode) in a 4-race Cup from any randomly displayed Cups. Cups are then selected based on player voting.
• • Create Room will now feature customized options such as Mode, Teams, Items, CPUs, and Vehicles similar to the Create a Tournament option.
• • For online, I'd also like for a better ranking system to prevent casual players from racing against competitive players and vice versa.

~ MKTV
My Replays. View saved replays from previous races or battles on and offline. * You can now save more than just 6 replays.
Online Replays*¹ View shared replays from others online
Spectate*²
*¹ - Should've already been added in the first place.
²* - View recent online races or battles replays. Earn coins by voting who'll be 1st. * Literally stole this idea from Smash.
~ Other Details

• • The race start intro and race finishes to retro courses will have a remake version of their original transitions along with a rearranged verison of their original theme from that respective retro course. Example for better understanding. * Mario Kart GP courses will have the current game's race start and finish transitions.
• • I somehow also want to incorporate a way that once the Retro Grand Prix is unlocked, the title screen will have remake versions of the original title screens from previous Mario Kart games similar to Mario Party Superstars. Example
• It would show different title screens at each start up similarly to how Mario Kart 8/Deluxe's title screens Example
  
• • Sometimes the CPU seems to make decisions that only seem to target the player regardless of placement. I want a smarter CPU for harder difficulties that won't just use an item just to use. If a CPU is holding a shell, they should use it logically or defend themselves with it logically.
• • I personally am fine with every other mechanic used in Mario Kart 8/Deluxe such as driving techniques used, amiibo settings, Stats, etc. Keep the same driving techniques even during Double Dash mode. I personally was not a fan of Mario Kart Double Dash's drift mechanic and would not want that function brought back.

~ 3. Characters and Vehicles ~
~ Characters
68 Total Drivers (including DLC) 32 Total Alternate Drivers. 100 Total Individual Characters.

• • Driver select screen, press R button to rotate between alternate drivers. Some drivers will have upto 9 different outfits to choose from.
• • I wanted the original 8 to be the starting roster.

~ Drivers
Mario》Metal Mario 🔒》Tanooki Mario 🔒》Fire Mario 🔒》Ice Mario 🔒》Dr. Mario 🔒》 - Mario (Classic) 🔒 - Mario (Builder) 🔒 - Mario (SNES) 🔒 - Mario (Sunshine) 🔒 - Mario (Tuxedo) 🔒 - Mario (N64)*🔒 - Metal Mario (Gold) 🔒
Luigi》Penguin Luigi 🔒》Fire Luigi 🔒》Gooigi*🔒》 - Luigi (Classic) 🔒 - Luigi (Golf) 🔒 - Luigi (Builder) 🔒
Peach》Pink Gold Peach 🔒》Cat Peach 🔒》Fire Peach*🔒》 - Peach (Wedding) 🔒
Yoshi - Light-blue Yoshi - Black Yoshi - Red Yoshi - Yellow Yoshi - White Yoshi - Purple Yoshi - Pink Yoshi - Orange Yoshi
Bowser》Dry Bowser 🔒》Meowser 🔒》 - Dry Bowser (Gold) 🔒
Donkey Kong Jr. - Donkey Kong Jr. (SNES) 🔒
Koopa Troopa》Koopa (Freerunning) 🔒》 - Red Koopa (Freerunning) - Blue Koopa (Freerunning) - Purple Koopa (Freerunning) - Gold Koopa (Freerunning) 🔒
Toad》Cat Toad 🔒》Captain Toad 🔒》 - Toad (Pit Crew) 🔒 - Toad (Builder) 🔒 - Toad (Astronaut) 🔒 - Toad (Blue)* - Toad (Yellow)* - Toad (Green)*
Donkey Kong 🔒
Wario 🔒 - Wario (Biker)*
Daisy 🔒
Birdo 🔒 - Birdo (Light Blue) - Birdo (Black) - Birdo (Red) - Birdo (Yellow) - Birdo (White) - Birdo (Purple) - Birdo (Green) - Birdo (Orange)
Baby Mario 🔒
Baby Luigi 🔒
Toadette 🔒》Peachette 🔒》 - Toadette (Explorer) 🔒 - Toadette (Builder) 🔒 - Toadette (Astronaut) 🔒
Paratroopa 🔒 - Green Paratroopa*
Diddy Kong 🔒
Bowser Jr. 🔒
Waluigi 🔒
Petey Piranha 🔒
King Boo 🔒 - King Boo (Luigi's Mansion)
Pac-Man 🔒
Ms. Pac-Man 🔒
Blinky 🔒》Pinky》Inky》Clyde*》
Dry Bones 🔒 - Dry Bones (Gold) 🔒
R.O.B. 🔒 - R.O.B. (Famicom)*
Shy Guy 🔒 - Light-blue Shy Guy - Black Shy Guy - Green Shy Guy - Yellow Shy Guy - White Shy Guy - Blue Shy Guy - Pink Shy Guy - Orange Shy Guy
Mametchi 🔒
Baby Peach 🔒
Baby Daisy 🔒
Rosalina 🔒
Funky Kong 🔒
Mii 🔒
Honey Queen 🔒
Wiggler 🔒
Lakitu 🔒
Don-chan 🔒
Baby Rosalina 🔒
Iggy 🔒》Roy》Lemmy》Larry》Wendy》Ludwig》Morton》
Link 🔒 - Link (Champion's Tunic)
Villager 🔒 - Villager (Female)
Isabelle 🔒 - Isabelle (Winter)*
Inkling Girl 🔒 - Inkling Girl (lime green) - Inkling Girl (magenta)
Inkling Boy 🔒 - Inkling Boy (purple) - Inkling Boy (teal)
Pauline 🔒
Hammer Bro 🔒》Boomerang Bro 🔒》Ice Bro 🔒》Fire Bro 🔒》
Monty Mole 🔒
Dixie Kong 🔒
Nabbit 🔒
King Bob-omb 🔒
Kamek 🔒
Chargin' Chuck 🔒
Poochy 🔒
~ Newcomers
Noki ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Noki (Green) - Noki (Pink) - Noki (Yellow)
Pianta ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Pianta (Pink) - Pianta (Yellow) - Pianta (Purple)
Professor E. Gadd ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Toadsworth ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Luma ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Luma (Blue) - Luma (Pink) - Luma (Green) - Luma (Cyan) - Luma (Red) - Luma (Purple) - Luma (Black) - Luma (Orange)
~ DLC
Sonic the Hedgehog ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Miles "Tails" Prower ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
King K. Rool ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Kaptain K. Rool*》
Krunch ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 * Would be an excellent choice for a surprise DLC character to those familiar w/Diddy Kong Racing
Zelda ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Sheik*》
Kirby ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
King Dedede ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Captain Falcon ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Samus ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Zero Suit*》
Geno ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒

• - there's plenty of room for more characters but I figured 100 was the perfect amount of characters, especially with the double dash feature with everyone potentially having a partner with no odd person out.

~ Vehicles
Available parts. The parts available are listed here in the order shown in the vehicle customization screen, with the following notation: ¹ = Changes color, depending on the character. ² = Changes color for the Koopalings. ³ = Changes color for Daisy, Baby Daisy, Rosalina, and Baby Rosalina. (DLC) = Part is only available as downloadable content.

• Personally, I would want a system that prevents everyone from choosing the best racer with the best vehicle parts. For example If Luigi is the best racer and his best vehicle is the standard kart with mushroom tires, and gold glider, obviously everyone will choose Toad and those exact parts to win races. I want everyone to choose their favorite racer and parts that make them comfortable to race in, and not just look at a list of the best racers and parts and just copy and paste that. I don't know how to fix this honestly but I'm sure someone could help with ideas to this to make everyone equal in a way on the track with their own individuality similar to what Mario Kart 7 did with their characters.

~ Karts (Solo Dash)
Standard Kart¹ 4-Wheel Cradle 8-Bit Pipe Frame¹ Apple Kart B Dasher Badwagon Barrel Train Biddybuggy (Buggybud)¹ Birthday Girl (Royal Ribbon)²/³ Blue Falcon Blue Seven Booster Seat (Baby Booster) Bruiser (Growlster) Brute Bull's-Eye Banzai Bulldog-W ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ Bumble V Cact-R Cact-X Cat Cruiser Cheep Charger Cheep Snorkel Circuit Special¹ Clanky Kart Classic Dragster (Nostalgia 1) Cloud 9 Crawly Kart Cucumber Dasher II Daytripper (Royal Racer) Dozer Dasher Dragonfly Dry Bomber Egg 1 Flame Flyer Gold Mantis Gold Pipe Frame Gold Standard (Gold Kart) Green Apple Kart Honeycoupe (Dragonetti) Hurricane Jet Cruiser Jetsetter (Aero Glider) Jumbo Jetter Kiddie Kart¹ Koopa Clown² Landship ² Light Dancer Light Tripper Mach 8 Mini Beast (Concerto) Mushmellow Offroader P-Wing Paintster Parade Kart Penguin Slider Pink Mushmellow Pipe Frame¹ Piranha Prowler Poltergust 4000 Power Flower Prancer Prop Kart Quickshaw ROB-BLS Rambi Rider Royale Shooting Star Sky Pop ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ Sneeker (Bounder)¹ Snow Skimmer Soda Jet Sports Coupe (Sports Coupé) Sprinter (B Dasher Mk. 2) Star Broom Steel Driver Streamliner Streetle Super 1 Super Blooper (Turbo Blooper) Surf Sailer Swift Talon Tanooki Kart Tea Coupe Tiny Titan (Rally Romper) Tiny Tug Tri-Speeder Wario Car Warship Wild Wing Wildlife Yellow Taxi Zucchini (Gherkin) Speed Star ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Whirlwind Sport ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Egg Mobile ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * Was inspired by this image I found. Source Reminds me of the Egg Mobile with Monster tires White Cat ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Dark Schnieder ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Car¹ ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * Source * the number in the center will be replaced by driver's logo Dragoon Kart ⁽ᵈˡᶜ * Source
~ Bikes (Solo Dash)
Standard Bike¹ Bit Bike (Nanobike) City Tripper¹ Flame Rider Hurricane Jet Bubble (Bubble Bike) Master Cycle Zero Mr. Scooty (Mr Scooty) Phantom Quacker ROB-LGS Shooting Star (Twinkle Star) Sugarscoot (Bon Bon)¹ The Duke Varmint Wario Bike Zip Zip (Rapide) Zipper Wheelie Bike ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
Bullet Bike¹ Comet Dolphin Dasher Flame Runner (Bowser Bike)¹ Jet Bike Mach Bike¹ Magikruiser¹ Master Cycle Sneakster (Nitrocycle) Sport Bike¹ Yoshi Bike¹ Zinger Sting ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * just an idea I had for a new bike based off of a beta imagine for Donkey Kong racing. Source * the number in the center will be replaced by driver's logo. Bike version of the Prop Kart
~ ATVs (Double Dash)
Standard ATV (Standard Quad)¹ Bone Rattler Inkstriker Spear (Torpedo)¹ Splat Buggy Teddy Buggy Tyrant Wild Wiggler Hovercraft¹ ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
~ Buggys (Double Dash)
Standard Buggy ¹ Banisher Bolt Buggy Bullet Blaster Coach³ * Heart Coach/Bloom Coach from Mario Kart Double Dash DK Jumbo Fire Buggy¹ * Red Fire from Mario Kart Double Dash Goo-Goo Buggy¹ Koopa Dasher Koopa King Para-Wing Pipe Buggy¹ Piranha Pipes Turbo Birdo Turbo Yoshi Waluigi Racer
~ Tires
Standard (Normal) 8-Bit Standard Ancient Tires (Ancient Tyres) Azure Roller Bicycle Tires Blue Monster Blue Standard (Normal Blue) Button Capsule Crimson Slim Cushion Cyber Slick Drum Gold 8-Bit Standard Gold Tires (Gold Wheels) Heart Rings Hot Monster (Funky Monster) Iron Leaf Tires (Leaf Tyres) Metal Monster Mushroom Mushroom Off-Road Red Monster Retro Off-Road Roller Slick Slim Snorkel Tires Sponge Triforce Tires (Triforce Tyres) Wood (Wooden) Yoshi Tires
~ Gliders
Super Glider¹ 8-Bit Jumping Mario Beast Glider (Ghastly Glider) Bowser Kite Butterfly Sunset Cloud Glider Crimson Crane Droplet Glider Eggshell Glider Eggshell Glider Fare Flier Flower Glider Gold Glider Great Sail Hylian Kite MKTV Parafoil Oilpaper Umbrella Paper Glider Parachute Paraglider (Breath of the Wild) Paraglider (Parafoil) Peach Parasol³ Plane Glider Ribbon Swooper (Swoop) Waddle Wing Waluigi Wing Wario Wing Magic Carpet ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Wizpig Glider ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Example at 00:31 Tails Flier ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Knuckles Glider ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Gunship ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
~ 4. Items ~
× – Does not appear in Battle Mode.
~ Items found on the track
Item Box - Gives the player a random item. Items given are based on the player's distance from first place. * I would like for them to look either similar to how they looked in Mario Kart 64 or Mario Kart DS' design.
Coin - Gives the player a small boost and increase top speed when more are collected, up to a maximum of ten.
Rupee - The equivalent of a coin, used for Hyrule Circuit and Zelda related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Bell - The equivalent of a coin, used for Animal Crossing. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Cash - The equivalent of a coin, used for Splatoon related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Balloon ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Diddy Kong Racing related course. Source
Item Box (Capsule) ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Sonic related course. Source
Star Block ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Kirby related course. Source
Banana ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Donkey Kong Country / Diddy Kong Racing related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
Ring ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Sonic related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
Food ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Kirby related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
~ New Items
Coin Block ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * floats above player for a short time (10 seconds). Hop to collect upto 10 coins. Can only be obtained if player has 0 coins. Replacing the Coin Box item from Mario Kart Tour. Example
~ Returning Items
Banana Peel - When a kart hits a Banana Peel, it spins out. You can carry one behind your kart to protect yourself from a single attack. Can be thrown backward and forward.
Green Shell - Travels in a straight line and knocks over a kart it hits.
Red Shell - Red Shell Homes in on the closest kart in front of the player and knocks it over.
Feather - Causes the player to spin and leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing, akin to a regular trick (characters will also perform a trick animation during the jump).
Mushroom - Provides the player's kart with a small speed boost.
Super Star - Provides the player invincibility from all terrain and items, and also giving a speed boost.
Boo - Unleashes Boo, who turns the player invisible for a brief time, making them impervious to enemy attacks, and steals an opponent's item. Cannot steal Special Items.
Coinˣ - Grants the player two extra coins and a micro boost.
Lightningˣ - Causes all opponents to drop their items, shrink, and drive slowly for a short time.
Fake Item - Looks just like an item box, but when you run into it, it knocks you over.
Bob-omb - Explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking over any kart in its blast radius.
Blooper - Sprays ink on all racers ahead and reduces their visibility. The racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed.
Bullet Billˣ - Transforms the player into a Bullet Bill, rocketing through the track with auto-pilot, and providing invincibility from all terrain and items.
Spiny Shellˣ - Targets the racer in first place, knocking over all other karts in its path.
Super Horn - Emits a radial shockwave hitting racers, as well as destroying all obstacles, including the Spiny Shell.
~ Special Items
Fireball (Red) - Three fireballs will revolve around your kart. They split up after they're thrown and go sliding ahead. These powerful pyrotechnics can take out multiple opponents at once. Drivers: Mario, Fire Mario
Fireball (Green) - Three fireballs will revolve around your kart. They split up after they're thrown and go sliding ahead. These powerful pyrotechnics can take out multiple opponents at once. Drivers: Luigi, Fire Luigi
Fire Flower - Allows the player to throw fireballs for a short time that cause other karts to spin out on impact. Drivers: Metal Mario, Fire Peach, Fire Bro
Ice Flower - Three balls of ice will revolve around your kart. Throw them all at once and they'll freeze any kart they hit, causing them to slide. Drivers: Ice Bro, Ice Mario, Penguin Luigi
Heart - This protective Heart revolves around your kart for a set amount of time, shielding you from attacks. Any item that hits the player becomes theirs to use. A cute and handy item. Drivers: Peach, Daisy, Villager, Wendy, Mametchi
Yoshi's Egg - This egg rolls down the road and home in on opponents. When they hit and break, they'll drop three more items. Drivers: Yoshi
Birdo's Egg - Homes in on the kart in front of you and crashes once it hits. Three more items will fly out when it breaks. Drivers: Birdo
Chain Chomp - This fearsome beast chases karts with reckless abandon, pulling the player behind it at breakneck speeds. Drivers: Baby Mario, Baby Luigi
Triple Mushrooms - Orbits the player's kart, providing them with three separate speed boosts. Drivers: Toad, Toadette
Golden Mushroom - Provides the player's kart with continuous speed boosts for a short time. Drivers: Captain Toad
Mega Mushroom - The driver grows bigger, which allows them to squash other racers by running over them, making them lose their items and slow down for a moment. Drivers: Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Wiggler
Poison Mushroom - A stationary item. Looks like a regular mushroom but If one is run into, the victim shrinks, as if hit by a Lightning. Shrunken racers who run into it revert to normal size. Drivers: Kamek * ngl, i didn't really know who to give this item to
Mushroom Cannon - A cannon designed to resemble a Mushroom. Continually shoots out Mushrooms in front of your kart for a set time. Drivers: Monty Mole, Peachette, Toadsworth
Triple Green Shells - Three green shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Koopa Troopa, Dry Bones, Lakitu, Koopa (Freerunning)
Triple Red Shells - Three red shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Paratroopa, Dry Bones, Lakitu, Koopa (Freerunning)
Bowser's Shell - An awe-inspiring giant shell! As it careens down the road, slamming and ramming into karts, it's the very image of Bowser himself. Drivers: Bowser, Bowser Jr., Dry Bowser
Triple Bananas - Three bananas that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Donkey Kong Jr., Dixie Kong
Giant Banana - Not only does this big banana spin out karts that hit it, but after being struck it breaks into three regular-sized Bananas. Drivers: Donkey Kong
Banana Barrels - Arm your kart with two fully-loaded barrels of Bananas! Continually shoots out Bananas in front of or behind your kart for a set time. Drivers: Diddy Kong, Funky Kong
Thunder Cloud - A thundercloud hovers over the recipient and strikes it with lightning after 10 seconds. The user shrinks to a very small size for 10 seconds, driving more slowly. Before this happens, the user has higher speed and acceleration while not losing speed when driving off-road, and may pass the cloud to an opponent by bumping into them. Drivers: Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Clyde * If there was absolutely no choice but to have the next Meta character, it'd be the Ghosts. Having one of the worst possible specials in the game should balance them out.
POW Block - The POW Block appears above the karts as a 2D image, warning players of its arrival, and causes any racer on the ground ahead of the user to spin out and drop their items. * Since wheelies are no longer a thing, it always spins out other racers unless they're in anti-gravity mode or during an in air trick Drivers: Mii, Don-chan
Super Leaf- Gives the player's kart a tail that can be used to deflect items, knock over opponents and collect coins. The tail will disappear after a moment or if the player is hurt. Drivers: Tanooki Mario
Lucky Seven - Surrounds the player with seven items that rotates around its kart. The player receives a Mushroom, Banana, Green Shell, Red Shell, Blooper, Bob-omb, and a Star. Drivers: King Boo, Pauline, Poochy, Nabbit, Chargin' Chuck, Pianta, Noki
Boomerang Flower - Can be thrown up to three times, hitting racers forward/backward and when it returns to its user after the first and second use. Driver: Boomerang Bro, Larry
Piranha Plant - Automatically chomps on obstacles and other racers, giving a short speed boost for each bite. Drivers: Petey Piranha
Double Bob-ombs - Two Bob-ombs will revolve around your kart. Throw them both at once. Drivers: Wario, Waluigi, Roy
Bob-omb Cannon - Continually shoots out Bob-ombs in front of your kart for a set time. Drivers: Shy Guy
Giga Bob-omb - After being thrown, it will explode after hitting a kart or bouncing 3 times. It has a larger blast radius than a standard Bob-omb. Drivers: King Bob-omb
Bubble - Briefly envelops your kart and protects you from damage for a set time. While in the bubble, you will get a speed boost and float in the air. Drivers: Baby Peach, Baby Daisy, Baby Rosalina, Lemmy
Dash Ring - Tosses out three rings in front of you along the track. Pass through them for a speed boost! Drivers: Rosalina, Luma, Ludwig, Honey Queen
Hammer - Throws multiple Hammers in an arc aimed at karts in front of yours. Drivers: Hammer Bro
Super Bell - A bell rings above the driver, knocking away nearby karts and items. The bell rings three consecutive times. Drivers: Cat Peach, Cat Toad
Capsule - Three colorful capsules surround your kart. They'll bounce at opponents when thrown. Drivers: Dr. Mario
Splat Bomb ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * Explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking and spraying ink on any kart in its blast radius and reduces their visibility. The racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed. Drivers: Inkling Girl, Inkling Boy
Magical Boomerang ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * Works like a Boomerang Flower that tracks closes kart infront of player like a Red Shell Drivers: Link
Magnet ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * a powerful magnet that pulls opponents towards the player Source Drivers: Krunch
Nayru's Love ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * will surround the racer's kart with a protective shield. Any items that hit this shield will be reflected back at the racer who used them. If a driver using Nayru's Love is attacked with an item such as a Lightning, the racer who used the Lightning item will take damage. Drivers: Zelda
Copy Ability ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * steals Special item from any racer. If no racer has a special item on them, it'll randomly generate a random racer's Special Item. Drivers: Kirby
Dedede's Hammer ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * driver using Dedede's Hammer, will swing it around for about 5 seconds. Any karts hit will be squashed, causing them to lose their item and speed momentarily. Drivers: King Dedede
Invincibility Shield ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * become invulnerable to all damage for a short time. Drivers: Sonic, Tails
Bombs ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * Think Double Bob-ombs, the original Triple Bananas and the Feather item. If used as a protective item, upon the explosion, the player will leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing. Drivers: Samus
Geno Flash ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * works like a Lightning but doesn't strink opponents. Drivers: Geno

• - R.O.B. and Professor E. Gadd have the ability to obtain any special item, excluding Fireball (Green), Birdo's Egg, Lucky Seven, Nayru's Love ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾, Copy Ability ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾, and Geno Flash ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾

~ 5. Courses ~
~ Cups
161 Total Courses
Nitro Grand Prix Mushroom Cup》 Flower Cup》 Star Cup》 Special Cup 🔒
Retro Grand Prix 🔒 Mushroom 🍄 Courses : Shell Cup》Golden Dash Cup》Red Coin Cup》Blue Coin Cup》Banana Cup》Lucky Cat Cup》1-Up Cup》Gold Cup》
Flower 🌷 Courses: Leaf Cup》Turnip Cup》Freezie Cup》Metal Cup》 Lightning Cup》Rock Cup》POW Cup》Heart Cup》
Star ⭐️ Courses: Sun Cup》Moon Cup》Red Shell Cup》Thunder Cloud Cup》Wing Cup》Boomerang Cup》Coin Block Cup》Warp Cup》
Special 👑 Courses: Vanish Cup》Cherry Cup》Mega Cup》Tanooki Cup》? Block Cup》Spiny Cup》Shine Cup》Grand Cup》
World Grand Prix🔒 Lightning⚡️Courses: Egg Cup》Triforce Cup》Crossing Cup》Bell Cup》Propeller Cup》Fruit Cup》Feather Cup》Acorn Cup》Super Cup》World Cup》
Extra Grand Prix 🔒* Excellent idea to introduce courses from the Mario Kart GP series as well as new courses for DLC content
~ New Courses
Nitro Grand Prix: Mushroom Cup 🍄 1. New Mario Circuit 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Flower Cup 🌷 1. beach- or water-themed course 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Star Cup ⭐️ 1. ice- or snow-themed course 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Special Cup 👑 1. TBD 2. TBD 3. New Bowser's Castle 4. New Rainbow Road
~ Retro Courses
Mushroom 🍄 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Shell Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mario Kart Stadium 2. ᵈˢ Yoshi Falls 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Baby Park 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 1
Retro Grand Prix: Golden Dash Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Luigi Circuit 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Shy Guy Beach 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Sweet Sweet Canyon 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Dry Dry Desert
Retro Grand Prix: Red Coin Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Toad Circuit 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Moo Moo Farm 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Riverside Park 4. ʷⁱⁱ Toad's Factory
Retro Grand Prix: Blue Coin Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Luigi Raceway 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 1 3. ᵈˢ Cheep Cheep Beach 4. ³ᵈˢ Shy Guy Bazaar
Retro Grand Prix: Banana Cup 1. ᵈˢ Figure-8 Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ Moo Moo Meadows 3. ³ᵈˢ Cheep Cheep Lagoon 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Kalimari Desert
Retro Grand Prix: Lucky Cat Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 1 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Peach Beach 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Koopa Troopa Beach 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Thwomp Ruins
Retro Grand Prix: 1-Up Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Luigi Circuit 2. ³ᵈˢ Daisy Hills 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 1 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 1
Retro Grand Prix: Gold Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Peach Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Water Park 3. ʷⁱⁱ Mushroom Gorge 4. ᵈˢ Luigi's Mansion
Flower 🌷 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Leaf Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Mushroom Bridge 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Boo Lake 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Twisted Mansion 4. ³ᵈˢ Rock Rock Mountain
Retro Grand Prix: Turnip Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Mario Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Toad Harbor 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Choco Mountain 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 2
Retro Grand Prix: Freezie Cup 1. ᵈˢ Desert Hills 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Mario Circuit 3. ʷⁱⁱ DK Summit 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 2
Retro Grand Prix: Metal Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Mario Circuit 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Frappe Snowland 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Daisy Cruiser 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Shy Guy Falls
Retro Grand Prix: Lightning Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mario Circuit 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 2 3. ᵈˢ Waluigi Pinball 4. ʷⁱⁱ Wario's Gold Mine
Retro Grand Prix: Rock Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Choco Island 1 2. ᵈˢ Delfino Square 3. ³ᵈˢ Music Park 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Mario Raceway
Retro Grand Prix: POW Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Loop 2. ʷⁱⁱ Coconut Mall 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Cheese Land 4. ᵈˢ Shroom Ridge
Retro Grand Prix: Heart Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Toad's Turnpike 2. ³ᵈˢ Mario Circuit 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 2 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Waluigi Stadium
Star ⭐️ Courses Retro Grand Prix: Sun Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Snow Land 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Choco Island 2 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Yoshi Circuit 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Bowser's Castle
Retro Grand Prix: Moon Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Wario Stadium 2. ʷⁱⁱ Koopa Cape 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Yoshi Desert 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mount Wario
Retro Grand Prix: Red Shell Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Daisy Circuit 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Ribbon Road 3. ᵈˢ Mario Circuit 4. ᵍᶜⁿ DK Mountain
Retro Grand Prix: Thunder Cloud Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Sunshine Airport 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Sherbet Land 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Vanilla Lake 1 4. ³ᵈˢ Maka Wuhu
Retro Grand Prix: Wing Cup 1. ᵈˢ DK Pass 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Dolphin Shoals 3. ³ᵈˢ Neo Bowser City 4. ʷⁱⁱ Grumble Volcano
Retro Grand Prix: Boomerang Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Sherbet Land 2. ³ᵈˢ Wario Shipyard 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Royal Raceway 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 3
Retro Grand Prix: Coin Block Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Koopa Beach 1 2. ᵈˢ Tick-Tock Clock 3. ʷⁱⁱ Maple Treeway 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 3
Retro Grand Prix: Warp Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Piranha Plant Slide 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Mushroom City 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Electrodrome 4. ᵈˢ Airship Fortress
Special 👑 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Vanish Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 3 2. ʷⁱⁱ Moonview Highway 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 4 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Cherry Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ DK Jungle 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Broken Pier 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 3 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Mega Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Dry Dry Ruins 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Bone-Dry Dunes 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Banshee Boardwalk 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Vanilla Lake 2
Retro Grand Prix: Tanooki Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Wario Colosseum 2. ³ᵈˢ Rosalina's Ice World 3. ʷⁱⁱ Bowser's Castle 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: ? Block Cup 1. ᵈˢ Wario Stadium 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Koopa Beach 2 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Bowser's Castle 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Spiny Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Lakeside Park 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Dino Dino Jungle 3. ᵈˢ Bowser Castle 4. ʷⁱⁱ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Shine Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Cloudtop Cruise 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Yoshi Valley 3. ³ᵈˢ Bowser's Castle 4. ᵈˢ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Grand Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ D.K.'s Jungle Parkway 2. ᵈˢ Peach Gardens 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Bowser's Castle 4. ³ᵈˢ Rainbow Road
Lightning⚡️Courses 🔒 World Grand Prix: Egg Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Rainbow Road 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Berlin Byways 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Wild Woods 4. ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Yoshi's Island
World Grand Prix: Triforce Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 4 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Los Angeles Laps 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Piranha Plant Cove 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Hyrule Circuit
World Grand Prix: Crossing Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Luigi Circuit 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Sydney Sprint 3. TBA 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Animal Crossing
World Grand Prix: Bell Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Sky Garden 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Singapore Speedway 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Super Bell Subway 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Propeller Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 3 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Vancouver Velocity 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Ice Ice Outpost 4. ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Sky-High Sundae
World Grand Prix: Fruit Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Sunset Wilds 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ New York Minute 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Bangkok Rush 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Feather Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 2 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ London Loop 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Ninja Hideaway 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mute City
World Grand Prix: Acorn Cup 1. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Paris Promenade 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Merry Mountain 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Dragon Driftway 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Super Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Cheep-Cheep Island 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Amsterdam Drift 3. TBA 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Big Blue
World Grand Prix: World Cup 1. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Tokyo Blur 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Excitebike Arena 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Athens Dash 4. TBA
~ Extra/DLC Courses
Extra Grand Prix: Mario Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Mario Highway 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Mario Beach
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Mario Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Splash Circuit 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Tropical Coast
Extra Grand Prix: DK Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ DK Jungle 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Bananan Ruins
Extra Grand Prix: Extra DK Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bananan Labyrinth 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ DK Jungle
Extra Grand Prix: Wario Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Diamond City 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Snow Panic
Extra Grand Prix: Waluigi Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ² Stadium Arena 2. ᵃᵍᵖ² Waluigi Stadium
Extra Grand Prix: Pac-Man Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Pac Mountain 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Pac Labyrinth
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Pac-Man Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ PAC-MAN Stadium 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ NAMCO Circuit
Extra Grand Prix: Bowser Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Bowser's Castle 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Castle Wall
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Bowser Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bowser's Factory 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bowser's Castle
Extra Grand Prix: Rainbow Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Rainbow Coaster 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Rainbow Downhill
Extra Grand Prix: Yoshi Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ² Yoshi Park 1 2. ᵃᵍᵖ² Yoshi Park 2
Extra Grand Prix: Toad Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Peach Castle 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Kingdom Way
Extra Grand Prix: Don-chan Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bon Dance Street 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Omatsuri Circuit
Extra Grand Prix: Bowser Jr. Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Aerial Road 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Sky Arena
Extra Grand Prix: Inklings Cup 1. Splatoon themed course * Splat Circuit 2. Splatoon themed course
Extra Grand Prix: Sonic ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Sonic themed course * Twinkle Circuit Source at 1:00 2. Sonic themed course * Green Hill Zone related course
Extra Grand Prix: King K. Rool ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. King K. Rool/Donkey Kong Country related themed course 2. Diddy Kong Racing related themed course * Jungle Falls or Darkmoon Caverns Source 1 Source 2
Extra Grand Prix: Zelda ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Zelda themed course * Lost Woods 2. Zelda themed course
Extra Grand Prix: Kirby ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Kirby themed course * Fantasy Meadows (from Kirby Air Ride) Source 2. Kirby themed course * Meta Knight's Halberd or The Great Cave Offensive
Extra Grand Prix: Samus ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Metroid themed course 2. Metroid themed course
~ 6. Battle ~
In all games, the engine class of Battle Mode is fixed to 50cc. An exception is the Renegade Roundup mode where it is increased to 100cc.
~ Battle Modes
Balloon Battle》Team Balloon Battle》 Classic Balloon Battle》Team Classic Balloon Battle - Mini Bomb Karts return. Shine Thief》Team Shine Thief》 Bob-omb Blast》Team Bob-omb Blast Shine Runners Coin Runners (Coin Battle)》Team Coin Runners》 Renegade Roundup
Thunder Cloud Tag ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾* - Similar to Shine Thief but reverse. Think of it as Tag. A random player has a Thunder Cloud and must tag others to lose it from above their head. If the player holds the Thunder Cloud when the timer reaches zero, this process repeats until one player remains.
~ Courses
ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 1 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 2 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 3 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 4 ⁿ⁶⁴ Big Donut ⁿ⁶⁴ Block Fort ⁿ⁶⁴ Double Deck ⁿ⁶⁴ Skyscraper ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 1 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 2 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 3 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 4 ᵍᶜⁿ Cookie Land ᵍᶜⁿ Block City ᵍᶜⁿ Luigi's Mansion ᵍᶜⁿ Nintendo GameCube ᵍᶜⁿ Pipe Plaza ᵍᶜⁿ Tilt-a-Kart ᵈˢ Nintendo DS ᵈˢ Twilight House ᵈˢ Palm Shore ᵈˢ Tart Top ᵈˢ Block Fort ᵈˢ Pipe Plaza ʷⁱⁱ Block Plaza ʷⁱⁱ Delfino Pier ʷⁱⁱ Funky Stadium ʷⁱⁱ Chain Chomp Wheel ʷⁱⁱ Thwomp Desert ³ᵈˢ Honeybee Hive (Honeybee House) ³ᵈˢ Sherbet Rink ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Town ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Battle Stadium ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Sweet Sweet Kingdom ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Dragon Palace ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Lunar Colony ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Urchin Underpass ᵗᵒᵘʳ New York Minute B ᵗᵒᵘʳ Paris Promenade B Icicle Pyramid or Smokey Castle ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source 1 Source 2

Hi! Just came back from a magical 10 days on the Big Island and put together a trip report with some commentary. Hope this is helpful for others planning trips, happy to answer questions about any of it
Sunday 5/14
Previously checked into Kona VRBO condo
Breakfast at Kona Haven Cafe
Kona Farmers Market - unimpressive market but the one fruit stand there had soursop and mangosteen which we were looking for
Kaloko-Honokōhau National Historical Park
Costco
Drive down coffee coast w/ GyPSy (now called GuideAlong)
Dinner at Jackie Rey's Ohana Grill Kona - walked in during dinner service on mothers day with no reservation, was seated at the bar immediately, food came quickly and was delicious
Monday 5/15
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea - quickly became our favorite coffee spot
Drive up coast w/ GuideAlong
Lunch and tour at Hawaiin Vanilla Co. - okay lunch but amazing tour with owner
Honoka's Chocolate Co. - didn't do the tour but stopped by the storefront for a superb tasting
Waipio Valley Lookout
Dinner at The Fish and the Hog - locally recommended, didn't wow us
Drive through hills & cattle pastures @ golden hour - highly recommend
Tuesday 5/16
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Snorkel rental at Snorkel Bob's
Snorkeling at Kahalu’u Beach Park - great snorkeling, just need to be mindful of the reef and not stand despite shallow water
Lunch at Da Poke Shack - amazing poke, expensive but worth it
Shave ice at Gecko Girlz
(Stargazing cancelled)
Wednesday 5/17
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Lunch at Broke da Mouth - another great meal, classic Hawaiian plate lunch
Tour at Big Island Bees - a little nerve wracking if you are not fond of bees as I am but the tour was excellent, honey was amazing, we shipped a bunch home
Tour at Greenwell Farms - convenient timing (free tours ongoing all day) and did not require reservation, very informative tour guide, free tasting of many coffee flavors
(Stargazing cancelled)
Thursday 5/18
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Snorkeling at Kahalu’u Beach Park
Checked out of Kona VRBO
Lunch at Da Poke Shack
Drive down coast w/ GuideAlong
Punalu'u Bake Shop - underwhelming malasadas, maybe because we were there in the afternoon
Punalu'u Beach - black sand beach, saw turtles in the waves
Checked into Hilo Airbnb
Dinner at Tetsumen - great quality Japanese food
Friday 5/19
Coffee at Sirius Starseed Coffee - best coffee of the trip Akatsuka Orchid Gardens - amazing variety of plants, shipped a few home
Volcanoes National Park:
Steam Vents
Sulphur Banks
Uekahuna
Kilauea Overlook
Ili Overlook
Thurston Lava Tube
Chain of Craters Road
Dinner at Moon and Turtle - some dishes were amazing and some were ok. Limited by few menu offerings
Wandered through Hilo Night Market
Saturday 5/20
Breakfast at Popovers - worst coffee of the trip but breakfast was good
Rainbow Falls
Boiling Pots
Akaka State Park
Honomu Goat Dairy
Hawai‘i Tropical Bioreserve & Garden - highly recommend, beautiful wandering gardens
Lunch at Tetsumen
Big Island Pearl Tea
Free samples at Big Island Candies
Richardson Ocean Park - black sand beach, decent snorkeling, a bit colder water than we would've liked due to areas being spring fed
Sunday 5/21
Maku'u Farmer's Market - stumbled on this by chance and it was amazing. Many fruit vendors, food vendors, arts and crafts
Coffee at Kohala Coffee Co.
Richardson Ocean Park
Stargazing with Epic Tours - Mauna Kea Stargazing - owner was very flexible and rescheduled us twice due to cloudy weather, expensive excursion but thought it was worth it
Monday 5/22
Breakfast at the Sippin Siren Coffee
Scenic drive from Hilo to Kona
Checked into Hilton Grand Vacations Club Kings’ Land Waikoloa - last minute booking due to wanting to spend more time on Kona side before we left, we were actually double booked with the airbnb for this night
Lunch at Da Poke Shack
Snack shopping for home at Costco
Drinks at Kona Coffee & Tea - had a life changing matcha latte this day
Dinner at Ippys Hawaiian BBQ Waimea - another great classic hawaiin plate meal
Tuesday 5/23
Coffee at Kona Coffee & Tea
Kayak rental from Kona Kayaks - owner was so nice, we originally rented for Monday but got there at 1 thinking they were open until 4 (per google) when they really closed at 2, he was willing to stay open later but we decided to just come back the next day
Captain Cook Monument snorkeling - first experience being out snorkeling in deep open water, scary but fun
Lunch at Umekes Fish Market Bar & Grill - had some amazing fish tacos here
Checked into The Westin Hapuna Beach Resort
Dinner at Canoe House - we went with the chefs tasting menu, $155pp came with 6 courses, decent portions, beautiful oceanfront location
Edit for formatting (on mobile)

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Table of Contents
What is IPTV?
How Does IPTV Work?
Benefits of IPTV
Choosing the Right IPTV Service Provider
Setting Up IPTV
Hardware Requirements
Software Requirements
Connection Setup
Exploring IPTV Features
Live TV Channels
Video-on-Demand (VOD)
Electronic Program Guide (EPG)
Catch-Up TV
Time-Shifted TV
Multi-Screen Viewing
Interactive Services
IPTV Compatible Devices
Ensuring a Stable and Reliable IPTV Connection
Internet Speed and Bandwidth Requirements
Network Stability
Wired vs. Wireless Connection
Firewall and Port Forwarding Settings
Troubleshooting Common IPTV Issues
Buffering
Channel Freezing
Playback Errors
Audio/Video Sync
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Conclusion
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1. Choosing the Right IPTV Service Provider (continued)

Compatibility: Verify that the IPTV service is compatible with your preferred devices and operating systems. It's important to ensure that the service supports the devices you plan to use, such as smart TVs, streaming boxes, or mobile devices.
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Hardware Requirements

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Connection Setup

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Save the settings and exit the configuration menu.
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Access the channel list or electronic program guide (EPG) to start browsing and streaming your favorite content.
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1. Exploring IPTV Features

IPTV offers a variety of features that enhance your viewing experience. Let's explore some of the key features available with most IPTV services:
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Live TV Channels
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Video-on-Demand (VOD)
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May 2023 Federal Election - Crikey's Winners and Losers

The May 2023 Federal Election is all wrapped up, and Australia has seen the return of BellmanTGM as Prime Minister, where he is likely hoping to serve more than 21 days as he did in February 2018. We saw a joint ticket run by ANCAP and LNP, and a surge of independent success! Crikey is here to dissect the results, and look at the winners, the losers, and the bronze medal winners.

Winner: Australian National Capitalist Anti-Authoritarian Party

House Result: 5 Seats (+3), 21.7% (+14.2) Senate Result: 2 Seats (+2), 55.2%* (+6.1) ± February 2023 Election *Joint ticket run with LNP, changes from last election is combined LNP+ANCAP vote.
Without a doubt, the resounding winner of the May 2023 Federal Election was the Australian National Capitalist Anti-Authoritarian Party. Picking up 5 house seats, and 21.7% of the national house vote, they have more than doubled their house representation, and increased their national vote more than any other party this election. Post-election, they gained a seat from Cookie_Monster765 who resigned from the leadership of the Commonwealth Party to sit as an independent, but this was short-lived, and he now serves Sydney as an ANCAP MP. Gaining confidence and supply from Independent MPs in porridge (Brisbane), and riley8583 (Cowper), ANCAP are enjoying a single party cabinet, severing their coalition with the LNP. Speaking of the LNP, ANCAP ran a joint ticket from the LNP, gaining their first 2 senators, and ending the left dominated senate, which will create significant legislative ease in passing the government's agenda. Also surprisingly, historical left leaning figures such as jq8678 have been prominent MPs for ANCAP, with an upset victory in “Magnificent” Moncrieff. jq8678 has previously served as a Social Democrat Minister, and was a founding member of the Green Left Party in 2021, but appears committed to the cause of "Freedom and Liberty".

Loser: Commonwealth Party of Australia

House Result: 2 Seats (-5), 10.7% (-20.6) Senate Result: 1 Seats (-1), 19.6% (-12.7) ± February 2023 Election
As ANCAP were resounding winners, the Commonwealth Party was the resounding losers of the May 2023 Federal Election. More than halving their house representation, and losing a third of their national vote in the house was a shocking election result. Safe seats like Melbourne fell due to the lack of a presence from incumbent buttsforpm. Hotham was another loss, however the extremely active BellmanTGM was an tough match for incumbent Adiaus. The two seats won by the Commonwealth Party were Sydney and Lingiari, in relatively non-competitive contests.
However the biggest lost for the Commonwealth Party didn't even occur at the ballot box. After these election results, Leader Cookie_Monster765 resigned and left the party. Their remaining MP, Jordology505 was next in line for leader, but after being elected for 5 hours he resigned, leaving the CPA without any house representation. Their final MP MLastCelebration is now leader but questions surround the longevity of the party. Another active member, former MP Adiaus jumped a possibly sinking ship with Jordology505 in order to join the newly formed Australian Labour Party, which brings us to the next winner of the election.

Winner: A United Left

We don't have election results for this, but after what can be described as a disappointing result for the Socialists, they have merged with the left leaning members of the Commonwealth Party to form a centre-left Australian Labour Party. Socialist Leader TheSensibleCentre stepped down from the leadership of the new party, with Jordology505 heading the party, followed by Adiaus as Deputy and model-slater as Party Chair. A party that can now concentrate a focus on the right wing government is a win for a united, and previously struggling left. While some may point out that Country Labor Party still exists, it understood there is an agreement between the parties to maximise electoral efficiency and not have left of centre candidates in competitive races against each other.

Winner: Independents

House Result: 3 Seats (+2), 17.4% (+10.0) ± February 2023 Election
If all the Independents were one party, the Independents would be the second largest party in parliament! While their election result was a success, this was strengthened by the defection of porriidge to the crossbench, increasing their total to 4 seats. However it's a good thing that independents aren't one party, because showstealer1829 took to twitter to let porriidge know that "F*** off. We [The crossbench] don't want you." Make of that what you will! However, a solid increase in the independent's vote and representation in the house, and with 2 independents providing C&S to the government, independents will be having a large say in how our nation will be governing over the following term. A win for independents, and likely a win for their respective electorates as they create a list of demands from the government!

Bronze Medal: Country Labor

House Result: 2 Seats (+1), 14.9% (+5.3) Senate Result: 1 Seats (-), 9.0% (+2.4) ± February 2023 Election
Crikey has a new award to hand out, the Bronze Medal! As the name suggests, these groups didn't suffer a loss, but it couldn't be called an outright win. The Country Labor Party enjoyed the comeback gain of long term MP for Capricornia, ARichTeaBiscuit, and the hold of Denison for Inadorable (who is definitely NOT a communist). While the House Result does look impressive, it is an inflated figure given that the CLP tend to run in populous rural seats, and national polls during the campaign have CLP support around 2.5%. CLP Leader Gregor_The_Beggar was re-elected once again, continuing his tenure as Senator for NSW since July 2020. While the CLP are not the political force they once were under the Greens-CLP Government, they aren't disappearing anytime soon, and this election confirmed such.

Loser: Income Taxation

The May 2023 Election has brought a party into government that seeks the eventual abolition of income taxation and a Senate controlled by the ANCAP and LNP. The previous LNP-ANCAP Government failed to get a large tax cut through parliament last term, due to the left wing senate, and it is almost certain that a similar package will be introduced and this time probably passed. Income Taxation is a loser of this election!

Bronze Medal: Liberal National Party

House Result: 3 Seats (-2), 14.9% (-12.3) Senate Result: 3 Seats (+1), 55.2%* (+6.1) ± February 2023 Election *Joint ticket run with ANCAP, changes from last election is combined LNP+ANCAP vote.
Prime Minister Griffonomics set out to "Sack the Senate" and undoubtedly that is what he has done. The Senate has been swept by the Right, holding 5/8 seats, and paving the way, finally for a right wing legislative agenda. However Griffonomics will not be at the helm for this agenda, and not even on the government benches as the ANCAP have revealed an entire ANCAP cabinet, relying on the support of independents rather than the LNP. While their Senate gains did not fall short of what the Liberal Nationals hope, they saw a loss of a few seats in the House, however the combined ANCAP-LNP seat total was still 8, the majority number. ANCAP became what many thought was just the senior party in government, with the LNP as a minority partner, but upon leaving the LNP, porriidge attributed it to the high likelihood that the LNP "would find itself in opposition".
If porridge's statement holds, this will shelve the left and centre onto the crossbench, with right wing parties holding government and opposition. It is hard to think there is much of the ANCAP agenda that the LNP would oppose, given their previous coalition, but it is surely disappointing for the LNP to lack a voice inside the new government. For the reason that the LNP have achieved perhaps policy goals, and "Sacked the Senate", but have failed to form government is the reason that Crikey awards them the 2nd Bronze Medal of this article.
That's all from us folks. he next term is hopefully one full of newsworthy things to write about, or we'll be out of a job! We hope you enjoyed today's article, please let us know!! (Also if you see any errors I am very tired)

I had been going through my old inventory on Nintendo DS games because I was going to sell some of the ones that I didn’t play anymore and I was checking the progress on all of them and noticed I had barely started playing pokemon Y so I pressed start and sat down on my bed. The loading screen like usual played and I skipped through it to the last point i had been at being right before getting my starter, I picked a fennekin because I have a soft spot for foxes and I planned on doing a magician themed run. The game played out as normal but then when I arrived at Professor Sycamore’s Lab, I had gotten into the battle with Proffesor Sycamore and just decided on Squirtle since I already had my grass poison type Budew, fire type Braixen, and a psychic fairy type ralts, but thats when the game began acting weird, my pokemon weren’t attacking, they weren’t over leveled, just not attacking and a pop up text would say (pokemon name) is scared I made it through the battle barely with all of my pokemon in the red or yellow for hp and then remembered about the ghost girl on the second floor and had went down to that floor although as I went down the elevator my DS got the low battery notification even though it was just at full “what the heck!” I continued playing a bit frustrated but then I noticed the elevator had been taking longer than usual and then the old school poison flashing screen had happened accompanied by all of pokemon fainting except for my budew who luckily was one of the pokemon in yellow health although i was confused because none of my pokemon were poisoned by Professor Sycamore’s pokemon although I just shrugged it off. I made it to the second floor and I see the ghost girl cutscene except something was different, she was leaving a trail of purple and instead of her usual “you are not the one” she said “You are the one, Connifer” Connifer is my real life name so I was confused even more because I put Wynter as my in game name and also she said you ARE the one, not, You are not the one but then a battle began and it said Ghost Girl wants to battle. I sent out my budew being my only pokemon and tried to use leech seed but it said Ghost Girl was unaffected so i tried to use mega drain, Ghost Girl was unaffected, I used watersport in case the Ghost Girl knew any fire type moves and then she attacked with a move i have never seen before, You are not the one which made my screen flicker and when it turned back to being lit up, my character stood where my budew was, i opened up the attack menu and had seen my only move, struggle, so i tried to struggle but it did nothing and my character appeared in worst condition after I took the recoil damage, i used struggle again my character looked even worst but then the ghost girl moved closer, I struggled twice more and my character looked terrible and had been on there knees and looked bruised as if they had been punched and kicked over and over again and the ghost girl moved closer I was forced into using struggle again because the run and the items button weren’t there and by that point my character had been bleeding and I was forced into struggling again and the ghost girl moved closer and my character had been in even worse condition to the point where they had been bleeding all over the body I winced out of fear because of how brutal it looked, and thats when i heard that a move was used i unwinced to see that the Ghost Girl used you are not the one and my player character was nowhere to be seen and then heard a the doorbell ring, i put my ds in sleep mode and then had checked out the door and saw a box labeled, to “connifer”, your corpse, i was scared to even open the box but i managed to anyways and inside was a plant but below that plant was a chopped up human corpse, i almost vomited st the site of it but held it in realizing that the plant was the budew and the chopped up corpse was my player character though had scared me too much and i vomited, i grabbed a knife and ran up to my room where my ds sat on the bed and saw that it left sleep mode but the ghost girl wasn’t there but the battle screen was. I turned around to look to the closet to see if anything or anyone was there but there wasn’t anything i turned back around to my ds and then i looked up and saw the ghost girl standing above the ds and said through a deranged grin “you are the one” and then lept at me, i held up the knife and it stabbed her through the arm but she seemed unfazed so i tried to stab her in the chest but she was still unfazed so i just threw the knife into her and pushed her off me and tried to run but my hallway seemed endless and she soon caught up and grabbed me by the neck and stabbed me through the chest, i winced and then kicked at her I looked to my room and saw that my celebi plushie had began to levitate like in the games and it cried out a high pitched song, Celebi used perish song, the Celebi then fell to the floor as if it fainted and the Ghost Girl yelled in pain as i kicked at its legs as it dropped me to the floor causing it to fall and it began to shoot out thick black smoke, I did it, well Celebi did it, I stood up and walked to the bathroom to apply a bandage and clean the stab wound after i had gotten all taken care of i walked over to my celebi plush and thanked it while giving it a hug but then i heard the doorbell ring, i walked over to the door and saw that it was another package this time it simply said to wynter, i opened it and a pokeball and a max revive were inside along with some parts that looked like a pokemon healing machine that nurse joys have, i walked to my room and the celebi lied there so i used the max revive on it and it came back to life, i put the pokeball in front of it and it entered the pokeball i kissed the pokeball as if someone rolling dice wishing for luck would and sent celebi out of the pokeball and it began flying through the room i will be safe from the ghost girl and i bet she will be back because like she said “you are the one”

Obviously Yama, Shunsui, Unohana etc. are all super strong but - with all 3 being close to a thousand years old (if not older than that) - they have most likely reached their full potential in terms of fighting ability.
Contrast this with Kenpachi who is still obviously gaining in power and skill. Rukia who is a relatively new captain also didn't get her bankai until the end of the series. Byakuya, Toshiro, Soifon - they are all most likely <150 years old - which makes them a fraction of the senior captains' age. I can't help but look at Soifon's bankai and think to myself it hasn't been fully developed.
So my question is, who out of the current younger generation of captains do you think have the potential for most growth? Who out of them can you see surpassing the senior captains of days past?