Hey yall
I recently repotted my monstera for the first time as she was seriously outgrowing her first pot. I used this potting mix, and also staked it with two clumps of bamboo rods to help it grow more upright. I did lots of research and most people recommended a more airy mix with perlite to keep the roots oxygenated. I assumed this mix would be optimal since it literally had a monstera on the cover, and I had used miracle-gro's plant food previously which seriously worked well for this same plant. Along with this, the lady at home depot was very helpful and vouched for this mix and brand.
However, when I took the soil out of the bag it seemed super dense. I repotted and watered it a few days ago and the soil is still extremely wet, wetter than I would expect it to be after the time that has passed. I read more reviews for the specific mix that I got and many people say it has serious drainage problems and retains way too much water that causes overwatering problems, with so many of the reviews stating to avoid using this mix with monsteras. I wish I did more research on this specific mix beforehand....
So far, many of the leaves seem to be doing okay. But two of the new leaves that have sprouted recently are drooping down rather than standing upright :(
Should I just stick with this new mix and see how it goes? Or would I be better off quickly changing the mix to one that's more optimal before it's too late? Would changing the soil so soon after repotting risk damaging my plant?
Please help. If pictures would be helpful I will gladly attach some, as I'm also unsure about how good of a job I did with the staking as well.

Sunday, June 4, 2023
Ask Me Anything with u/humbledbyit
Welcome to this non-real time meeting of Overeaters Anonymous!
I’m u/CAM075. I’m pleased to introduce today’s OA Fellow u/humbledbyit who will be qualifying today:
Suggested guidelines for sharing:
As you share your experience and strength in OA, please also share your hope. Please confine your sharing to your experience with the disease of compulsive eating, the solution offered by OA, and your own recovery from the disease, rather than just the events of the day or week. If you are having difficulties, share how you use the program to deal with them. If you need to talk more about your difficulties and seek solutions, we suggest you speak to your sponsor and other members after the meeting.
Feedback, crosstalk, and advice giving are discouraged here. Cross talk during an OA meeting is giving advice to others who have already shared or speaking directly to another person rather than to the group. Feel free to reply to posts in this thread with questions for our AMA Speaker, and they will answer.
QUALIFER:
Since I was a child food and eating brought me comfort like nothing else. I was hooked. I used it to feel better when I felt out of place or just didn't feel right in my own skin. I used it to escape my feelings and numb out. However, my body showed signs of it & I was overweight as a child. Went on my first diet at age 12. That began my career as a "shape shifter." Throughout my life my body would undergo extremes of weight loss and gain and my closet had varying size of clothes because my weight was always a moving target. The ability to maintain a healthy weight was always out of my grasp for some reason. In college I was under a lot of stress to do well, compulsively ate a lot & became morbidly obese. I tried many things to control my eating and weight including therapy for eating disorder (mine was binge eating with compulsive exercising), hypnosis, pay & weigh programs, cutting out sugar and carbs, plant-based diet, personal trainer, nutritionist, energy healing, on and on. With many of these I lost weight and thought "I'm on my way.” That was until I reverted back to compulsive eating. When I hit rock bottom my mental obsession was in full force. Sometimes I’d wake up & my first thought would be of food or how disgusted I was with my body because of how I ate night prior, during the day what excited me was “what am I going to eat later” and sometimes I’d even dream about food.
A therapist suggested I try OA. When I came to OA I learned that I am not alone and that I have a broken "coper.” That when life happens I just don't know how to deal with it so eventually I "use.” I use food to numb out or escape my thoughts and feelings. I tried some ideas that were recommended to me in OA. What I learned is that food plan or any kind of controlling of food just causes me more mental obsessing about what to/not to eat. If I had learned anything up to that point it was that I can't stick to a plan of eating forever, I always fall off. I don't have the power to stick to any plan of eating for good and all. Also, I have a mental blind spot and I blank out on the consequences of compulsive eating & when it comes down to it I can compulsively eat any food. I discovered that ingredients such as sugar or food types like carbs aren’t my problem and I don’t have to cut out any food groups. My problem is behavioral in nature, it’s about what I do with food – I compulsively eat to make myself feel better.
As a result of getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps out of the big book I now have freedom and neutrality around all food. My mind is much more peaceful. I can actually eat in way that nourishes my body and it does not feel like a struggle at all. There is no white knuckling. I can still enjoy food without using it to cope with life or to comfort me. Also, I get to help other compulsive eaters, share the solution that worked for me and sponsor them. Now, I have a new way of dealing with life. I know this program works if I work it and I am so thankful to have found this solution. I am a grateful recovered sponsor and am happy to help! Feel free to DM message me if you would like to chat more.
Closing: By following the Twelve Steps, attending meetings regularly, and using the OA Tools, we are changing our lives. You will find hope and encouragement in Overeaters Anonymous. To the newcomer, we suggest attending at least six different meetings to learn the many ways OA can help you. The opinions expressed here today are those of individual OA members and do not represent OA as a whole. Let us all reach out by private message to newcomers, returning members, and each other. Together we get better.

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD since the age of 7, however, I’ve never really felt like some of my “ticks” were directly correlated with obsessive compulsion disorder. Also as I’ve grown older I’ve started to have fewer compulsions and more intense feelings of discomfort to abnormal things.
A friend of mine actually referred me to this subreddit and besides a couple of Google searches, I’m pretty unfamiliar with SPD. I would like to know if anyone experiences some of these intense feelings associated with certain “things” (and just hear some feedback about whether or not these feelings could be related to SPD).
*Brushing my teeth freaks me out (although I do it every day)- the feeling of the bristles on my teeth causes discomfort and mental distress
*I cannot eat any cooked vegetables - nor can “cooked” vegetables touch anything on my plate let alone be on my plate
*I am extremely sensitive to smells in the kitchen- to the extent that I will get nauseous if someone is cooking vegetables
*I’m very weary of cross-contamination in the kitchen -using the same spoons for different foods freaks me out
*I cannot walk on wet leaves- the feeling of stepping on wet leaves makes me extremely overwhelmed and nauseous ( I’ve cried before because I was surrounded by wet leaves)
*Certain plants/vegetation makes me uncomfortable for no reason
*Cracks in cement where tiny plants have formed make me feel uncomfortable in my body
*Bright lights cause me to get irritable/angry
If anyone experiences any of these things- please let me know. I’m just looking for other people who share similar experiences to feel a little less alone in my head <3

Follow-up to my last post:
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An Attenborough documentary on dinosaurs with the same CGI that made The Jungle Book so lifelike? I couldn't think of a greater sell. But was it worth it? Would it give me the same sense of wonder that I felt when Walking with Dinosaurs came out 22 years earlier?
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The first episode, "Coasts", is overall the strongest episode of season 1. Starting immediately with a swimming t-rex (Tyrannosaurus rex) leading his children to an island where he smelled a dead archelon (species unknown, as no Maastrichtian-age archelon was ever found in the fossil record), that first scene showed the promise of the show as a whole. Seeing CG baby t-rexes interacting with live-action baby turtles is both concerning (as sea turtles are currently endangered) and entertaining, as they are demonstrated pretty goofily. But after that, we are done with dinosaurs for the rest of the episode.
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We cut to the one scene that, while endearing with a riveting soundtrack by power couple Anže Rozman and Kara Talve, does give me pause. The pterosaurs featured in that episode were based on bones so fragmentary that they couldn't be diagnosed. How can we be sure that Barbaridactylus was a member of the antlerwing family, Phosphatodraco a member of the simurgh family, or even Tethydraco a member of the pteranodon family? How do we even know what Alcione even looked like? Also, the score doesn't really match the slower, less urgent movements of the pterosaurs.
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The next scene was described as "the sunken continent of Zealandia", which is a refresher to see the lost continent bearing recognition for a change. Here, a family of plesiosaurs (Tuarangisaurus keyesi) comes to the coast to gulp themselves on anti-buoyant rocks, while the males ceremoniously poke their long, heavy necks up to the surface, the only good moment in an otherwise generic sequence.
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After a quick focus on coral, we get treated to a Hoffmann's mosasaur (Mosasaurus hoffmanni) relying on fish and shrimp to give him a good, proper scratch, only to be pushed out of turn by a younger male. This sequence sticks out to me because it shows mosasaurs being portrayed as animals, not as monsters to shadow Nigel Marven or kaijuified Blackfish bootlegs.
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The next scene shows a dazzling, mesmerizing mating ceremony of ammonites ("scaphitids", they were called, but that doesn't determine specific species, as it was a very huge family). They glow in the dark and mate very particularly. If the male's flashes don't sync with those of the female, he'd be rejected. Complimenting this alien but still soothing scene is Rozman and Talve's equally alien and soothing score.
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Back in Zealandia, we end with plesiosaur pod mentality, as the whole group defends a pregnant mother from a kaika taniwha (Kaikaifilu hervei). As with the previous plesiosaur scene, it wasn't a scene that I got too crazy about.
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The next episode, "Deserts", isn't really as impactful as the Planet Earth episode of the same name, both in regards to execution and the musical score, and it was riddled with confusing scene decisions. The first scene demonstrates a lek of dreadnoughts (Dreadnoughtus schrani) acting like a combination of elephant seals and frigatebirds, right down to the pops on their necks. The score in that sequence is definitely memorable, as it (literally) highlights the weights that the males take to demonstrate their fitness to attract the gaggle of girls in the audience. Though I'm left wondering--did the upstart beat the veteran because he was stronger, or because he popped one of the veteran's neck balloons, as male frigatebirds would do to ditch the competish?
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Once the sauropod show is over, we now move to what was presumed to be Nemegtia, but it was portrayed to be as dry as Djadochta, which leads to the next problem. While there was evidence of Maastrichtian-age velos in Central Asia, calling them "Velociraptor" is just wrong. I grew up watching Walking with Dinosaurs, which means I watched "Giant of the Skies", which featured Utahraptor in the wrong place at the wrong time. And while the American cut justifies this with a demonstration of a land bridge that connected North America to Europe, I don't know how much water that holds, and that doesn't seem to be relevant anyway, for the damage has already been done. So having in Velociraptor, a genus of velos that went extinct 71 million years ago, in Nemegtia, which was set 66 million years ago, is just a rehash of that previous mistake. In short, Prehistoric Planet has Utahraptor'd the Velociraptor. And besides, hasn't the picture of pack-hunting raptors already been discarded?
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The next scene, the one with the Nemegtian mononych (Mononykus olecranus), is cute but not top-notch memorable, and its color choice is teetering way close to the point of plagiarism.
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Afterwards, the brief but violent rains have created a watering hole in the middle of the desert, luring in dinosaurs and pterosaurs from miles around, including a wandering khan (Tarbosaurus bataar). The reason that scene is so low was that it was just a near-identical rotoscope of the Water Truce sequence from The Jungle Book, right down to the herbivores making a clearing for the khan.
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Then we go high up to see more Barbaridactylus. This scene I wasn't aware was a problem until Unnatural History Channel brought it up in his video, but the females were shown to be oddly consensual towards the similar-looking sneaky males, who use their feminine appearances to sneak past the larger, more impressive males. This is a problem, apparently, because the more extreme the sexual dimorphism, the more likely the sneaky male will be rejected and therefore resort to assaulting the females.
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The last scene is an interesting one, albeit one that suffered an unmemorable score in the soundtrack. Apparently, salty southern duckbills (Secernosaurus koerneri) can thrive on dunes of gypsum, but when rains hit the coast, they rely on both their tenacity and their know-how of the sky to get to more productive grazing. This scene stands out to me because I question why any large animal would choose to thrive on such a taxing environment. It'd make sense for an animal as small as the cryptile, the scrofa and the gryken from The Future is Wild, but not for a duckbill bigger than 16 feet long.
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It is unanimously agreed upon that "Freshwater" is the weakest episode in the first season. Apart from the humpbacked false duckbill (Deinocheirus mirificus) getting a scratch in the swamps of a more accurate Nemegtia and the devil frog (Beelzebufo ampinga) making a snack out of a baby whacktooth (Masiaksaurus knoplferi), the habitat itself has been relegated to the backseat, which is why the mating scene of the t-rex and the laying magnificent simurgh (Quetzalcoatlus northropi) are on the C tier, good scenes that have been damaged by simply being in the wrong episode. Speaking of the latter, memes have popped up in which the faces of dinosaurs have been pasted over two shots of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, with either Masiakasaurus or the Planet Dinosaur model of Majungasaurus being Galahad and the Quetzalcoatlus being the French taunter ("What are you doing in Africa?" "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!") when, really, that meme is more applicable to Velociraptor being in the Maastrichtian. On that topic, not only is it STILL in the wrong time, there is another problem, one I didn't pay attention to until Unnatural History Channel brought it up on his video. Instead of showing audiences raptor prey restraint (or "RPR"), the storytellers relied instead on mountain cats to show the velos hunting the pterosaurs (species unknown). Like the Deserts episode, Planet Earth has a far stronger "Freshwater" episode.
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"Ice Worlds" didn't excite me as much as "Spirits of the Ice Forest" did, which is a shame, because dinosaurs in the snow is a refresher by default. We start at Prince Creek, which I couldn't ask for a worse place to start because the cast list is very fragmentary. In the opening scene, a pack of raptors (species unknown, though modeled after the pitbull raptor), shadows a herd of ugrunaaluk (Edmontosaurus sp.) for a long-delayed meal. Again, the picture of raptors hunting in packs has been debunked for a very long time now. Why insist on resorting to old cliches?
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The Ornithomimus scene (can't think of a vernacular for them), while the designs look cool and add distinction to overall character, is still just a rotoscope of the Adelie penguin sequence from "Frozen Planet". Next.
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The sequence with the swanneck (Olorotitan arharensis) is even less impressive. Are horsetails really more nutritious than grass? If so, then why have grasslands been the dominant plains since the Miocene?
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The reason the scene with the tro-o is relatively low on the tier list is that it should have been longer, because a dinosaur with the intellect of a fire hawk is a very interesting prospect. But the final scene was just too short and too bland to show off any real gold.
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We have spent so much time in the north that I question the necessity of a quick detour to Antarctica, rendering the scene with the polar macahutiul (Antarctopelta oliveroi) my least favorite of the series.
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The final scene demonstrates the predator-prey dynamic between the northern boss (Pachyrhinosaurus perotorum) and the nanook (Nanuqsaurus hoglundi). The scene is great, the score has some very rhythmic moments, but what puts it low on the B tier are the nanooks themselves. From a distance, they look as good as most of the others. But in closeup, they look kind of fake, especially when they're running. Which brings up to the next problem--the story is based on fossil footprints of different lines pointing in the same direction. But how do we know that those parallel tracks were made at the same time and not separated within hours, days or even weeks of each other? And while it is true that nanooks were smaller than t-rexes, their portrayals in the show were just too small. More recent consensus shows that one nanook could easily match a boss in size, if not overtop it.
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"Forests" is an everywhere kind of episode. The opening scene with the austroposeidon (Austroposeidon magnificus) is not long enough to get me invested.
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Then a herd of trikes (Triceratops, species unknown) visits a cave to visit a clay lick to neutralize the poisons from their plant food. But why clay? Why not salt? Herbivores can clearly deal with poisonous plants without problem, but plants lack sodium, which is why the elephants of Mount Elgon (the inspiration behind that scene) scrape the caves not for clay, but for salt.
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This next scene has gotten everyone talking. A male minotaur (Carnotaurus sastrei) clears the stage to wave his arms around to impress an impossibly stoic female. Everything about that scene--from the choreography to the score--is very goofy, and that is what makes it work so well.
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While it is nice to finally see the Pinocchio-rex (Qianzhousaurus sinensis) in the flesh, its hunt for bright blue corythoraptors (Corythoraptor jacobsi) is not a scene I'd be in a hurry to revisit.
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The fire scene is oddly slow, the only memorable moment in the whole sequence being my first official introduction to Atrociraptor marshalli...literally just one short week before Jurassic World: Dominion predictably ruined it.
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The scene with the baby Therizinosaurus is passable. While it is cute to imagine babies having a taste for honey, it just wasn't executed memorably.
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The final scene, the one set on Hateg Island, slogs on in pace, with the greatest focus being a bunch of odd-looking baby zalmos (Zalmoxes robustus) running and hiding from the real star of the episode, the robust simurgh (Hatzegopteryx thambena), looking more proper than how it looked in Planet Dinosaur. One question, though--weren't pterosaur wings supposed to be rounded at the tip? Sure, they've got the hands pointing backwards, but the pointed wingtips is now believed to be an outdated picture.
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So it goes without saying that years of watching a moderate quantity of Attenborough documentaries has made the watching experience of Prehistoric Planet, at least in comparison to the original Walking with Dinosaurs, a bit numb. The creature designs are good, the CGI has not faltered in its photorealism from The Jungle Book, and even the soundtrack has enough of a score to make it memorable. But it's the stories that amount to the overall numbness of the first season. They hadn't opened my eyes in the way that Walking with Dinosaurs did.
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When season 2 was announced literally one year after season 1, I had my doubts. Planet Earth 2 came out literally a decade after the first Planet Earth, and the differences in filming technology and musical score clearly show that. Same for the 16 years that separate The Blue Planet from Blue Planet 2. Dynasties 2, by contrast, came way too soon after the first Dynasties, and the end result is sloppy, from the stories being set at the tedious start rather than at the steady prime to the score from the first Dynasties being reused so often that the only episode to have any new music was "Meerkat". So to find Prehistoric Planet 2 come out literally one year after Prehistoric Planet, I was concerned that it'd be as shorthanded as Dynasties 2 was. The opening episode, "Islands", kind of suffered that, but it thankfully wasn't as severe a problem.
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The first segment of that episode struck me as odd because the adult zalmo looks weirdly identical to the baby model from last episode.
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While it is cool to see the robust simurgh being expanded upon, I personally wish we'd stayed at Hateg Island, where they'd hunt the Transylvanian dwarf duckbill (Telmatosaurus transylvanicus) and not the funky combbill (Tethyshadros insularis).
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One of season 1's most recurring complaints is "no crocodiles", which is pretty apt when you consider how diverse they were during the Cretaceous period. So to see the Malagasy armadillo (Simosuchus clarki) at all, let alone stand up against a mahjong (Majungasaurus crenatissimus), is one to remember for the ages.
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This next scene is actually pretty interesting, in which we see Adalatherium, which wasn't a true mammal, but rather something hovering closely outside the taxonomic boundaries. It's a long sequence, which is just as well, because this is as new a clade to me now as the cynodont was when Walking with Dinosaurs came out.
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As with in "Ice Worlds", a quick detour to Antarctica doesn't seem necessary to me, as the hunt between the Imperobator and the Morrosaurus feels more like a skim.
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The last scene in the episode is my personal favorite, in which a male robust simugh stands on a sandbar to do whatever it takes to impress a mate.
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"Badlands" stands out in that there are only two settings. The first one is the strongest because of how the Deccan Traps, long reputed to be the co-culprit to the fall of the dinosaur empire, has been repurposed into prime nesting estate for a herd of sauropods (Isisaurus colberti). The journey seems reckless, but volcanic sand is hot and toasty, something that a modern species of dinosaur, the megapode, also exploits as it lays its egg in the hot volcanic sand of the Solomons.
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The next scene hasn't fixed on last year's problems, in which Velociraptor is still there and it still hasn't performed RPR--it just kicks an herbivore off a cliff, and that was that.
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The nesting Corythoraptor scene didn't interest me, but what really bugged me was that the antagonist of that sequence was a kuru (Kuru kulla), a raptor who, like the pterosaurs on the "Coasts" episode, was based on incomplete, fragmentary specimens.
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The sequence with the tarchias (Tarchia, species unknown), is a refreshing detour from the previous sequence because we have a better idea as to what they would have looked like. And to see them slog around for an oasis is a second highlight (next to the Deccan nursery).
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This next scene has nothing new added from either "Time of the Titans" or "Alpha's Egg", in which a herd of baby sauropods gets picked on by larger predators on their way to the safety of the forest.
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The majority of the "Freshwater" sequences I feel fit better in "Swamps". The same unnamed pterosaurs from "Freshwater" have reappeared, this time trying to fly past an approaching population of alligators (Shamosuchus djadochtaensis).
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The next episode features a grizzly bear gathering of austroraptors (Austroraptor cabazai) hunting gar. It stands out as highly as it does because it shows a species of raptor that looks and acts differently from the usual velo or nych. Plus, we know many miles more about austroraptors than we do about Spinosaurus, so that is a relieving plus.
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The devil frog stands out in this episode, and to see a grumpy male try to fight off a herd of goavambe (Rapetosaurus krausei) is humorous. It also deviates from the usual picture of "the frog that eats dinosaurs".
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This next sequence I was very concerned the moment I saw it in the ads. Thanks to Jack Horner, the poorly-known family Pachycephalosauridae has been under very hot fire with the notion of bone sponginess being a taxonomically viable method of identification, which it really isn't because all amniotes have spongy bones in their teens. But very thankfully, this sequence does not resort to Hornerism. It shows that older males do get longer horns on the backs of their heads, not the other way around. Also, new evidence has shown that the domes may have been covered in shiny skin, so this has me asking--is the dome a boys-only trait? Could that dracorex (Pachycephalosaurus hogwartsia) skull that I saw at the Black Hills Museum just be a girl entering her sweet 16 when she died? Could those stygimoloch (Pachycephalosaurus spinifer) skulls just be those of high school footballers?
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"Swamps" ended on a high note with a couple of t-rexes hunting an anatotitan (Edmontosaurus annectens) in the dark. One just walks to the duckbill, and the animal, in its panic, goes right in the direction of the other t-rex in hiding. This perfectly reflects the current understanding that t-rexes exchanged fast running for better walking. Now can we see some duckbills fighting back, please?
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On May 26, The Little Mermaid came out in theaters. A day earlier, "Oceans" came out. If I were to choose, I'd stick to the latter, simply because we're treated to fresh new stories with a wider variety of mosasaurs and ammonites than any of the Walking with programs ever did. The scene with the hesperorns chasing bait fish only to have themselves be chased by bulldog fish (Xiphactinus) is a classic, but a good one. However, "X-fish"? What's wrong with "bulldog fish"? But the highlight, no doubt, is the final sequence, in which a Hoffmann's mosasaur killed a juvenile plesiosaur simply by ramming it great white style.
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"Freshwater" was weak due to being sorely unfocused. "North America", by contrast, is even weaker for being too rushed. Also, the "scars make the man" narrative with the trikes bugs me the most. What justification is there for that?
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This has been a very exhaustive review of Prehistoric Planet, and it's way too early for me to worry about a season 3 coming out, if there is going to be one.

I’m also type 2 diabetic and been eating foods that are much suitable to me. My diet is very bland and doesn’t have much flavors. Honestly I do suffer from this diet since I can’t eat the foods I want to eat(I do eat a cheat meal once a week to keep myself sane lol). However, my brother(14) is an extreme picky eater. Yk the I love chicken tenders and fries kind of kid? My family is Chinese and oh boy our foods raise our blood sugars up. My brother consumed too much high carb and sugary foods to the point he got diagnosed(my parents doesn’t monitor his diet). Can anyone recommend any recipes or something that isn’t very bland for a picky eater?

Sick of it, I’m fed up, Can’t be doin’ wi- this, They’re all a foodage, There’s a lot of like grippage, What are those things in Gremlins called? I’m seeing uhhh Clive Warren, It’s a tip! Livin’ like a mole! Fuck off two and a half grand?! I could eat a knob a night, You never see slugs hanging about in gangs, You never see a black ghost, People in glass houses have to answer the door, Have you seen those tablets what are food? It would be spiteful to put jellyfish in a trifle, Was it a big bang or did it just seem big brace there wasn’t anything else to drown it out at the time, Onion, Aardvark beaver cat egg, I’ve never seen a cod being ill, Who would’ve thought the frisbee woulda caught on, Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone, I had to talk about a pen for five minutes, It was highenup ighenup it was high up enough, She said I could frown before I could walk, There was no RAM pack so I just was sick, He had one face but two bodies, I’ll put you in a home, You’re not coming back here FUCK OFF, I think I’d give up at that point, I just sat in the garden slavering, Don’t know what you’re going on about, The highlight of my whole existence was being a blob of spunk, There’s an egg with sideburn, Chinese homeless fella, I’d end up stayin’ in, I’ve always wanted to kick a duck up the arse, Alright then we’ll watch Wendy’s little program when that goes on the telly, Condom stuck on top, He was a bit of a hoarder, Woah woah don’t be chucking that out you might need that later, I’ll eat it, You do that with tablets don’t you? Look what we can do with science! It’s sort of old cold, I don’t wanna be bungled in, I saw a bee have a heart attack, He was probably annoyed cause it weren’t open,
These are only some of many

I (14F) hoard food waste, Clothes, Stuffed Animals, Blankets, Stickers and More. This has cause my room to get dirty very easy. I also am diagnosed with depression and social anxiety, along with suspecting I have autism. This makes it very hard for me to clean up after myself. My 8th grade year has ended meaning I will be moving to High School. I am extremely anxious about moving school. This also means I will be losing my support system at school which I am very close to.
This all has caused my bedroom and the bathroom next to me to get very cluttered with junk. A few days ago I noticed my room had started to stink because of the food waste, so I opened my window. My dad told me to close it because he had the air conditioning on. A few hours later he came into my room and I could see the expression on his face that my room smelled. He has asked my numerous times to clean my bedroom and bathroom, but I can never bring myself to do it. I can’t throw food waste away because what If i need it later or if I get kidnapped it will have my DNA on it. I can’t get rid of my cloths cause what If my kid wants to wear it in the future or I die and my dad wants it. I can’t throw away stuff animals or my blankets because I will forget the memories I have attached to them or how they smell. Most of my stickers have been given to me by staff at treatment programs and I don’t want to get rid of them.
Yet, today I returned home from my Moms house and my room was spotless. No trash, No more posters or stickers on my walls, My entire closet has been cleaned and rearranged, and My bathroom was reorganized. The only thing he did not touch was my stuffed animals and blankets. I feel so sad and loss with out my room being full. When I first walked into my room I burst into tears and ran around making sure all my stuffed animals and blankets were there. They are were, just not where I last left them. Every Single piece of trash has been removed.
I can’t never go back to how things were. Everything feels cold and lifeless. I know this is good for me, but i miss everything. Plus, I already started building my clutter again. My desk has two soda cans already and my vanity it full of random trash and undergarments. I am going to be like this forever. I can’t escape it.

I adopted two sibling kittens earlier today who are extremely timid. They are 10 weeks old and have stayed with their mother until now. I have a closed off “safe room” bedroom setup with all the essentials so I don’t overwhelm them with their new environment. They mostly stick together and hide in various places around the room while I keep an eye on them from a distance. Neither have drank any water and one ate a small amount of wet food. Hand feeding has not been successful. Zero litter box use yet, no pee anywhere, and one had diarrhea on the floor.
I am mostly concerned that they aren’t eating much or going to the bathroom. Totally new to cats/kittens on my end so I wanted to see if this raises any concerns. Also, should I continue to hang out in the same room with them and let them do their own thing until they feel comfortable enough to approach me? Any help is appreciated.

i hate food
i'm so tired of eating, but i'm also so tired because i don't eat. i started restricting out of stress/arfid but now i'm doing it on purpose.
i don't like eating more than >! 1500 calories !< a day, which i know isn't high res but i am a very skinny 6 foot tall 22 year old man and my maintenance is like >! 2200 !< so i'm losing weight and feeling like shit all the time.
i just graduated college a few weeks ago and have sat in bed playing video games, or sat around my bf's house, every day since. no socialization. very little exercise. i tried to work out (i used to strength train 3x a week and eat a lot to try and bulk) but i get so tired so fast.
i'm extremely depressed. my bf keeps saying it won't improve unless i eat which is true but i can't eat if it doesn't improve. they told me i'm not eating enough to live but not eating too little to die. idk if that's true. i've been eating >! 1200-1800 !< a day and i've lost >! 5 pounds, and it had taken me well over a year to gain 10 lbs when i was bulking !<
i don't even want to be skinny. i want to build mass and be strong. i'm trans so the scrawnier i look the more dysphoric i get. but at the same time i like seeing a flat stomach. and since im basically sedentary if i eat more im afraid ill gain. and i cant work out when i cant eat. its one big paradox
today i had an apple with peanut butter which i've always been able to eat no problem. and i practically had to force it down. i need to get better but i don't know where to start and i just feel like giving up. i don't even really want to exist.

My sister (30F) Jack says that my other sister (32F) Ann is abusing her but I (21F) don't believe she is. I think Jack has trouble speaking up her mind and doesn't recognize the fact that nobody can control her hands or feet to do something unless she's being threatened at gun point or some extreme situation like that.
For example, Jack says that she didn't want to go with Ann to a party last week but at the time, she didn't seem reluctant to me so I asked her whether she told Ann she didn't want to go, she said that she didn't because she was afraid of her reaction.
Another example is that Jack is constantly complaining about Ann coming over to her place and when I ask her whether she's made it clear that she didn't want her over, she would tell me no, that she felt sorry for Ann and how she's a single mother that's why she kept "tolerating" her.
One final example is that I was visiting our mom with Ann and my niece (Jack's daughter) wanted to see grandma so I told Jack I can take her with us. Ann offered to pay for the plane ticket for our niece and she also brought her plenty of food and entertainment to keep her occupied (more than me.) The next day, Jack calls and tells me that when mom and I were asleep in the morning, Ann and my niece were up but Ann didn't give my niece anything to eat and left the house when she knew no one could tend to her as we were still sleeping. She said that when Ann is with us, she treats her and her daughter differently than when they're alone.
When I questionned her about why Ann would pay for my niece's ticket if she really hated her so much as to starve her on purpose, she said that Ann didn't pay out of the goodness of her intentions but because she wanted to keep her under her control.
These are both my sisters and I love them very much. I would hate to choose sides and really don't know what to do when Jack expects me to believe and support her (she sent me a bunch of texts). What should I tell her?

Hello, friends.
Today, we're going to receive quite a lot of exposition about the nature of Strictland through the eyes of Seonghwa. There's a lot to discuss, so let's jump right in.

01: What are your thoughts on the page?

BobbyJ: I have a note on my page that says the Strictland government and economy are further explained in Pt. 3 Intro
GD: Okay. This is a big page
BobbyJ: It's interesting that emotions aren't fully abolished. They're just severely dulled. Which obviously reminds me of The Giver. And that only art has been abolished specifically.
GD: Yes, I think that's right. I feel like we should go paragraph by paragraph with this one because there is a lot
BobbyJ: From the top then?
Once again, it feels that we're left to infer what has happened in the meantime
GD: Yes, the first line makes it feel we're getting the Halateez story from the Grimes’ perspective, but then we get a lot of world building details to help us understand it. Are we to assume that the Grimes siblings think these boys look like Halateez? Or do they not know? Because Halateez wore masks?
BobbyJ: No, I think Ateez probably were like "What's the deal with this place?" And the Grimes Boy has been filling them in on the story. The entry starts at the end of the story and then fills us in
GD: A note: "the entire human race"
We've talked before about whether there is a world outside of strictland. And you know, I still don't know? Maybe that's a future goal? Or Z is in charge of the entire human race, which feels... big
BobbyJ: Yeah--it feels more like the simulation says "the entire human race would benefit from this thing" and Z just applies that structure to his world he somehow is in control of. And by his world, I mean more the country/area he's in charge of
GD: I'm in this second paragraph here, and I guess I'm just thinking that Z isn't wrong. Human emotions do cause crime and terrorism. But it reminds me of the gun debate we're currently having in our country? And all of the politicians who want to blame it on mental health? which is part of the problem, but it isn't the whole problem
BobbyJ: I disagree. It's true that we can't control our feelings. But our feelings do not dictate what we do or how we act. It's the will to do something wrong for the sake of selfishness or greed--which I don't classify as emotions
GD: I guess I'm saying that I think human emotions are a cause, but not the cause
BobbyJ: Mental health is also a factor, I think
GD: I think I am more sympathetic to Z and the simulation. I do think human emotions can lead to crime and terrorism, but they can just as easily lead to beauty and joy. So if you get rid of human emotions, you probably will stop some crime, but you will also stop other things.
BobbyJ: I am not sympathetic to Z because I don't feel this is as benevolent as it might appear. It feels very sinister to me. "This is all for you" is bullshit
GD: I can see Z as the hero of his own story--a Thanos type character--but we don't really know enough about him at this point.
BobbyJ: This is full speculation, but do we think Z also agreed to have his emotions limited and memories removed?
GD: Almost surely not. Those rules don't apply to people who can be trusted, I assume
BobbyJ: "Central government.” Implies, like, the existence of branches, no? Which makes me think the world is bigger than it feels
GD: Does the Korean government currently have branches? I know they have a president, but I guess I don't know much else about how power in the government works there. Like I don't know if they have legislative bodies, how powerful the judicial branch is, etc
BobbyJ: It appears it is similar to the U.S. After reading for two minutes
GD: Helpful context though
BobbyJ: Their president can only serve one five-year term. Means nothing but is interesting. Kinda wish we had that same policy these days
GD: For sure
I want to talk about art. Art with a capital A. Art=emotion
BobbyJ: Yes. The entire process of creating and engaging with art is based on emotions
GD: Sort of no matter how the individual members of Ateez feel about their lore, I have always felt that they embody that philosophy. Just this idea that Art is Important?
I talked about this the other day, but I was very impressed with KQ hiring a local artist for the billboard promotion during anchor. I thought it was very thematic, and also that it sort of embodied a lot of the ideas that they do put out in their diaries. Because as you mentioned earlier, art is the only thing that's banned
BobbyJ: I'm thinking about this idea of songs that give me negative feelings vs. songs that give me no feelings at all. I don't know exactly what I am thinking. But it reminds me of a chat I had with a fellow yearbook advisor years ago
He said that when his staff is trying to decide on their artistic direction for that year's volume, they'd go through a bunch of magazines and everyone would pick out spreads they really like. They'd pin them all to a bulletin board. Then each staffer would get two colors of push pins. They'd all use one color for spreads they like and one for spreads they hate. He said that after the exercise, they'd remove all the spreads that received none or few pins while those that had a lot of either love or hate pins they'd keep.
And I thought it was interesting that the hated spreads were kept. And his reasoning was that those spreads made the staffers feel something. It wasn't a good something, but it was something
GD: That is interesting
BobbyJ: And when I apply this idea to music or movies or tv or art--the things I actively dislike do stick with me while the things I just nothing fade away
GD: It reminds me of book clubs in a way? Like, in my book club, we have a great book club discussion when everyone loves or hates the book. If people are like, yeah, it's fine, the conversation is so.... nothing.
BobbyJ: Is it. . . harder to talk about things that we love actually?
I can't help but notice that whenever there's a heartfelt appreciation post, it gets very little traction and engagement. But if someone does an "unpopular opinion" or "things you hate about the group you love" post, suddenly everyone has something to share. Perhaps we've talked about this before. Justifying why you dislike something is easier than justifying why you love something?
GD: So I sometimes wonder if, when it comes to music, the problem is one of vocabulary more so than a lack of desire? Like, most people have taken a basic literature class, so when we love a book, we can all universally talk about things like plot, structure, characters--we have some sort of shared understanding of the parts of a story and can discuss and identify the things that we like
It's different for music. I do not know how to identify the parts of a song or the instruments or just the music things that are happening. Music knowledge and vocabulary is so much more niche, so I do think that makes it harder to discuss and pinpoint music that we really love--because we're experiencing it fully emotionally, the context and words all removed. So I do think with music especially, it is easier to talk about the things that we dislike.
BobbyJ: But shouldn't your dislike also require vocabulary? I remember when I was trying to rant about O.O I didn't have any of the words so I had to resort to metaphor
GD: I think it's possibly easier to come up with metaphors for things we dislike than things we love. I can only describe listening to Jongho as like looking into the face of god so many times before I start to sound like I'm slightly insane.
But you know, people don't have the right words to describe why they dislike something all the time--and they just go forward with the wrong words. How many times have you seen someone say "Ateez's music is too noisy for me" when Ateez has possibly two songs in their discography that could be labeled noise music? "I don't like the autotune" when there's barely any autotune
BobbyJ: People do seem to have Feelings about Ateez music. Which I would argue supports the idea that Ateez are making Art
I do wonder exactly what Z classifies as art
GD: I for sure agree with you. It's like that conversation about what a cover should be from the other day: you can like or dislike what Ateez does when covering another group's song, but they will be changing it to achieve their own artistic expression. They will not make you a copy. They will make new art.
We know paintings. Music seems implied.
BobbyJ: Fashion probably? Which makes me think it's interesting that Left Eye specifically is a former designer. But it wasn't the art ban that made him give up designing
Actually, reading ahead. I'm not sure fashion was banned after all? It's hard to tell
GD: I guess it's interesting to me because anything can be art. A house, a car, furniture? Given the right person making those things, they can be art just as easily as they might not be art.
So I do wonder if Z is defining Art more broadly... like, art is not this thing, but art is anything that incites an undue amount of emotion
BobbyJ: Right--I was just thinking, is all music art? And I would argue no if the person writing a song is not doing it for the sake of expression but for the sake of making money. But if that song evokes emotion in someone else, I'd say yes, it is art.
GD: We do have those prohibited signs from Rhythm Ta, which calls out "art, music, dance"? Am I remembering that correctly? Or is it "art, music, emotion"?
What does it mean for something to be defined as art is really a question courts have struggled with for many, many, many years. So it's possible that even in Z's world, what is art is a question that is constantly influx and being redefined
[BobbyJ provides screenshot of Rhythm Ta stage]
Okay, so art, dance, and music are Art specifically.
"Art" lower case art, I'm assuming is paintings, drawings, sculptures. The physical arts.
BobbyJ: Right. Literature and fashion aren't mentioned. Or acting. But maybe they fall under the general Art umbrella. Keeping it vague gives Z more control
GD: Do you know the supreme court case where the supreme court tries to define art?
I feel like I should look it up to get that quote. Hold on--I need to check something
[GD checks something]
So in Tutton v. Viti, the supreme court implied that it is up to the creators to define whether the thing they created is art. The case was about sculpture, and whether these sculptors who were copying sculptures were engaged in the act of creating art
BobbyJ: Just straight up copying?
GD: And basically, they said the sculptors were artists due to their skill despite the lack of creative merit. They weren't trying to like, sell them. It was creating replica sculptures in art class. Which would violate copyright (if they were selling them)
BobbyJ: So, like, if I do a cover of a BTS song and I sound identical to BTS, I'm still an artist . Hypothetically
GD: If you perform it with good enough skill, according to the US Supreme Court, it seems so
BobbyJ: Wait--they weren't selling them? Then what was the problem? How did it end up in the Supreme Court?
GD: I have not read the full case and it is extremely old, so hard to parse, but it seems the original sculptor did not want them making replicas in their art class and argued they were not allowed to do it because it wasn't real art
BobbyJ: Artists do studies all the time where they basically copy other artists' work in order to learn techniques
GD: And the supreme court said, no, they can do that. Which, exactly. This is a precedent that holds. If you do art and sell it, I can't copy it and also sell it. I can however copy it and use it for my own personal use (legally--that doesn't mean it's ethical, but legally)
BobbyJ: Well, it's the same idea as me copying a designer dress and making it myself and for myself because I don't want to spend $800 on a dress
GD: Like if someone made something on etsy that I wanted, and I didn't want to pay for it, I can legally copy it for myself. Right, the supreme court would define both of those things as artistic endeavors
BobbyJ: Huh. I mean--I don't disagree. I'm also not certain it needs to be termed as "art"
GD: Terming it "art" is how they protect it because art is a protected right under the constitution
BobbyJ: Wait--if art is also a protected right in the South Korean constitution, then that would imply that Z was able to change the constitution. Which is wild. How long did this process take?
(Also, assuming that Strictland was originally more like South Korea)
GD: We'd have to review the South Korean constitution. I don't know for sure that it is a right because I know nothing about their legal system. But because art is protected under our constitution, I have always defined art fairly broadly. So considering art being banned, is putting me in a different head space
BobbyJ: Article 22: All citizens shall enjoy freedom of learning and the arts.
GD: I'm now looking up how to make constitutional amendments in Korea
BobbyJ: I mean if they also had a National Assembly, he got the bill passed there
GD: It makes me think I've gone pretty far afield here
BobbyJ: If we're thinking about it, I guarantee the Intern also thought about it
GD: I would like to note that "people enjoyed material affluence"
BobbyJ: Yes, I have a sticky note about that
GD: And I am thinking of Maslow's hierarchy? Which I know is something we've also discussed a lot. But I am wondering, how many citizens weren't having their basic needs met when they agreed to give up art?
BobbyJ: Right. Is art part of our Maslow?
A lot probably. There had to have been problems in order for people to accept Z's proposal
GD: It's certainly easier to give up art if you're not currently able to eat
BobbyJ: Mingi comes to mind. Which I think is when we were discussing Maslow
GD: I have argued, and I will still argue it, that art should be part of human's basic needs. Like, it can make the rest of it all seem less grim for some people. But yeah, if you don't have a place to live, don't have any food, are struggling to just survive, giving up art for the promise of having your basic needs meet will be very appealing to many people
BobbyJ: I think I would argue that art belongs on the "love and belonging" tier which is about friends, family and connection. Art helps us connect with ourselves and others and the world around us. Like, you read a poem that perfectly describes how you feel. Or Ateez releases Turbulence and you swear they pulled the lyrics straight out of your soul
GD: Mmmmmm. . . and love and belonging aren't actually that low on the pyramid. High I mean. They're not that high--they're in the middle
BobbyJ: But you can't really fully reap the benefits of that tier if you are starving to death. And self-actualization is pretty meaningless if you aren't connected to other people in some way
GD: I spend a lot of time thinking about self-actualization which I forgot was even on this pyramid. I'm looking at the pyramid now, obviously
Yes. Art is love and belonging. I've decided you're right. So they've traded in love and belonging for the two things below it
In the next paragraph, they say that the songs had "the power to attract people" which I think is interesting
BobbyJ: The "various fields" is interesting to me. I think of people in different lines of work. Like scientists, teachers, lawyers, etc. But I'm not sure that's what it means
GD: I had long ago been confused about who the black pirates were and how they related to halaateez, but this line makes it pretty clear that halateez sort of inspired other people to get out of Z's control, and then those other people formed the black pirates
BobbyJ: Right. Halateez are "men wearing black fedora.” The Black Pirates is the name of the resistance
GD: Halateez "stimulated" them. Which, with what we know from Halazia, makes sense that the resistance seems to venerate them? Because they weren't necessarily a part of, and well known, to the resistance. They were merely the inspirational rallying cry. Does that make sense?
BobbyJ: Like Katniss. Not everyone knew her but they knew OF her
GD: Yes, and I'm interpreting Halazia as showing us what Strictland thought of halateez, not that halateez appear in the MV because I do not think they do.
Back to your point, what do you think people from various fields means if not different positions?
BobbyJ: I wondered if it meant more physical location. Although, if you have people with different skills and specialties, it would explain how the resistance is able to start fighting back
GD: Do you think it could mean something similar to stations too? Like, young, old, rich, poor, etc
BobbyJ: Could be.
GD: Skipping to the last line, we have Hwa sort of repeating a line similar to Hongjoong's in the first entry? What's important is getting back home. And they can't do that now
BobbyJ: Right. They haven't grasped their place in this story yet
GD: I read ahead because I couldn't stop myself and the jump is fascinating "we have to get back home" to "I won't come back home"
BobbyJ: I have also read ahead but a lot further
GD: Sounds right lol
BobbyJ: Because I became very curious about a different switch--how do they go from we need to get home to let's save this country
And I think I have an idea
GD: That is also the switch I was looking for
BobbyJ: This is way ahead, but after the Receiving of the Suits, in the very next chapter, San discovers the lost memories and feels "a surge of anger.” After that, Yeosang gets caught and all the drama happens with the museum and Yunho's brother. But I think that's the switch. I think it triggers San's empathy. And he spreads the agenda to the others
GD: I am very interested in what's happening with Yunho, but I suppose I need to save my interest for like 6 weeks. I do think we will need to cut this bible study in half
BobbyJ: Expected
GD: Well, this was a big page. It had a lot. We read some constitutions even
BobbyJ: Much was learned
GD: Do we have any more thoughts on the page? Or should we pick a patron saint to hold us to next week?
BobbyJ: I'm sure there's lots more to say. I just don't know what any of those things are.
GD: Perhaps we will have more thoughts on the page next week even. A double round of thoughts on the page
BobbyJ: Might even need a part 3
GD: I've been using an extra ES album to pin the postcard for my patron saint on my bulletin board, and I have appreciated it deeply. Hongjoong has been up for two weeks now
BobbyJ: I feel like the patron saints actually work. Except I didn't have one this past week and that probably explains a lot
GD: I kept Hongjoong, but I do think it would've been wise to have a refresher
BobbyJ: Let's just make sure we do it every Sunday, Bible study or not
GD: Right, even if we cancel bible study, a new, Very Important thing
So, this week, I need to finish the line edit of this book. Which means I need to focus and stay motivated. I think the boy I want to guide me through it is Jongho. I need his professionalism in the face of challenges and his commitment to doing the things that he doesn't like as much because he knows that it is part of his job.
Also, it's hard to think about anything other than his Immortal Songs stage, so I may as well lean in
BobbyJ: Let it be your battle cry
So. This is the last full week of classes. Which means a lot of work to finish off the semester. But, the list is so much shorter than it used to be. So that's something to be happy about.
But also, based on his condition today, I suspect that this might be the week I have to let go of Oliver. [Editor’s note: It was.]
And I think I need San. His ability to embody whatever moment he's in on stage. I don't fully understand how it translates, but I feel it's true
GD: Hmmm yes I think I understand, though I don't have the words either.
There's something about present-ness and humanity in there. I have always thought that San had a real ability to see the human-ness in others and to communicate the human-ness in himself. Which probably only makes sense to me.
BobbyJ: No, I think you're right. There's something extremely real about him
GD: I hope he helps guide you through what has the potential to be a very hard week
BobbyJ: Whatever happens, we keep moving forward. Which also feels very San.
-----
Thank you for joining us today. We'll be back next week with our Seonghwa Sacred Writing Practice. Have an excellent week, and may your personal patron saint guide you well.

My daughter was suppose to be returned to me already but my trial keeps getting moved from February to April and now July. When my daughter was 2 months old, on October 4, I was getting treatment for my opioid use but the company DCFS set me up, let’s called them “L” company, with made a court date trying to get her removed from my care because I didn’t want to do one month inpatient treatment at this ghetto rehab, I tried going for one day and felt extremely uncomfortable, everyone constantly talked about getting high and the facility was so ghetto, it felt like being in jail, no phones, no visitors, no TV.. that’s beside the point. After a very intensive court hearing and interviews with multiple people from social services and DCFS, they all stated the baby was well cared for by me and was healthy/happy when they would visit our home which was several times a week, my DCFS caseworker even said she feels like there is no need to remove the child from my care. The judge ruled in my favor, which everyone was surprised since that usually doesn’t happen, and told me to keep working with “L” company and stay off the opioids. I started working with a doctor and drug counselor to wean me off the opioids and do methadone treatment. Two weeks later and two failed drug tests later, (I was getting tapered off opioids), L company found out my caseworker was on vacation so they made an emergency court date, didn’t inform me of it so I couldn’t defend myself, told the judge a bunch of half truths/half lies to get my baby removed from my care because I didn’t want to do a one month inpatient thing they were pushing for and they were on a power trip because they didn’t get their way the first time the judge ruled in my favor. They were against me from day one and didn’t care to help. They visited my home multiple times a week and if the baby was neglected or in danger, they definitely would have called the police immediately. This was a power trip about them getting their way and punishing me for not wanting to do one month inpatient. But that’s beside the point.. after court they lied and made it seem like she couldn’t be in the same building as me and didn’t place her with my mom since we live in the same building so they placed her with a foster family. They tried making it seem like the judge said that but the judge never said that, I later found out that was something they completely made up. So they placed her in foster care and from October up until now, I only get to see my daughter twice a week for 2 hours each time at a library. We had a discovery court hearing in January where the judge approved she could stay with relatives, but we didn’t tell my boyfriends parents what was going on out of guilt and shame, so we didn’t move her to stay with his parents. We thought we would have our trial in February and that she would be back home then which is why we didn’t inform his parents. After our court date kept getting moved, we finally told them and they agreed to take her and care for her until we get custody back. We have a new caseworker and our old caseworker didn’t put in the file they the judge approved her being moved with relatives so she’s still in the foster home, we’re trying to obtain court transcripts to prove the judge allowed her to be moved to stay with relatives.
These past 7.5 months have been hell. I love my daughter more than life itself. I’m sober and have done all the treatment that was required of me but my court date keeps getting moved because they have too many cases. I’ve spoken to professionals that have experience with my cases and they all said I am a clear example of what it means to get fucked over by the system. I don’t consider myself a victim though, I just want my baby back home already. I bring her clothes, food, medicine and toys to our visits. I bring two huge book bags filled with toys, books, snacks and a large blanket to each visit, I don’t drive so I take it on the train with me and I get weird looks sometimes but I don’t really care lol. I cherish the 4 hours I have with her a week, but I want to hold her in my arms all day long and wake up to her beautiful smile in the morning. I want to tell her how sorry I am for everything and that I will never let her down again.
I’ve been extremely depressed and can’t even go outside because I see constantly babies and their parents and think “that should be me and my baby girl”. I recently went and bought a bunch of summer clothes and adorable little bathing suites for her for when she gets to come home next month. I can’t wait to have my baby back home with me. I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I try to remind myself that when she’s back home, I’ll have the rest of our lives to build wonderful memories with her, but missing out on her first and most important year of life, and all the milestones that come with it, is something that can never be replaced.. I love my baby girl more than anything and I can’t wait to give her a beautiful, stable and bright future.

https://imgur.com/a/SeXAMV5
It's best to view Life as a video game. Your physical body is the "character" and your Soul/Spirit/Consciousness is "the person holding the controller playing the video game". In Life there are many "characters" to play as (musician, engineer, politician, etc) all with their own "games" and set of rules.
I was raised to be a nerd. My parents immigrated from China, and education was their ticket to a "better life"/higher standard of living (at the time China hadn't industrialized yet). I grew up as one of the few Asian kids in a majority White school, and being intelligent was a survival tactic. I wasn't popular or good at sports. However I subconsciously knew that if I put my head down and was a high achiever, my teachers and peers would somewhat respect me and not pick on me. It worked for the time being, and because I'm a naturally curious person, I didn't mind it. I enjoyed the intellectual stimulation. But deep down I always wanted to be cool.
When I started college in 2014, electronic dance music was blowing up and I wanted to be an EDM produceDJ. So I learned how to produce music. After I graduated in 2018 and started working, I realized I loved voices and learned how to sing and write songs. I started putting out original material in 2019 and have struggled to gain traction and create the right look/image. Basically I tried to change my "video game character" after high school and am failing at it.
Let me now introduce the concept of karma. We all know it, but I'm not talking about how it's conventionally understood by popular culture. Karma means action/memory/cause and effect. For example, say you grow up with a tiger parent and they traumatize you - the action is them inflicting trauma onto you, the memory is then you go through life with trauma stored in your body; the consequence is you have a strained relationship with said parent because you don't know if s/he is your friend or foe - after all, a friend wouldn't overwhelm you with force, a foe would.
For how karma applies to me - well, I'm extremely nearsighted and have chronic dry eyes due to a condition associated with being born premature (I was born at 25 weeks/3 months early), lifestyle (studied and went on the computer a lot growing up), and ignorance by optometrists (there's good evidence that glasses can make eyesight worse). This means I'm restricted in choice of frames: I can't wear cool, big hipster glasses because the worse your eyesight is, the thicker your lenses are, and the more the lenses distort your eyes and make them look smaller. I look ugly in big frames. So I have to wear frames that make me look like a nerd. And I can't wear contacts right now because my ophthalmologist/cornea specialist put me on a treatment plan for dry eyes and said my corneas aren't healthy enough for contacts.
I also got 8 teeth pulled in total (includes wisdoms) and don't have a wide Hollywood smile (pulling teeth can narrow your smile and possibly set your jaw back, giving you breathing difficulties/sleep apnea/future health problems). Nobody likes to say this, but any front-facing position (actor, reporter, singer) basically requires you to be conventionally good looking and have a beautiful smile.
So why am I saying all this? Because my deepest desire is to be a successful singeperforming artist. I have the skills to succeed, just not the image/look (there's probably other reasons why I'm not successful that I'm overlooking, but having the right look is most definitely part of it). Now obviously the world isn't over and yes there are still many jobs I can do, there are still many ways to live a fulfilling life. But anyway.
ESPECIALLY TO ALL THE YOUNGER FOLKS HERE, where maybe a lot of karma hasn't been created yet/you haven't been pushed too far down one path yet. YOU ARE GOING TO BE PRESSURED BY YOUR PARENTS, PEERS, AND CULTURE IN GENERAL TO BE A CERTAIN KIND OF PERSON. HOWEVER THAT MAY NOT BE WHO YOU TRULY WANT TO BE.
Just because Asian-Americans are stereotypically associated with being software engineers, bankers, scientists, academics, doctors, etc doesn't mean YOU have to be. Obviously those are all very respectable and lucrative professions and if you truly love a field then by all means pursue it.
IN LIFE YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE PLEASING SOMEBODY. "Don't be a people-pleaser" is a myth. If you aren't pleasing your parents by being an overachieving student, and instead choose to smoke weed, ride motorcycles, and f*** girls, you are pleasing a different group of people, ie a group of people that values those things. And yes our culture does value things typically associated with "coolness". It's just, everyone has a different hierarchy of values they're walking around with. And your values can change over time.
Forgive me for the rant but I hope there's at least a few gems here. Ideally you want to be the driver of your life as soon as you can. Take a walk in nature. Get away from everybody you know for a while and truly REFLECT and INTROSPECT. What do you truly want to do? What do you want to try? Who gives a f*** what other people think. Want to learn how to dance but afraid of being called gay by guys? Who gives a shit. Just go learn how to dance. Girls like it. Want to learn a martial art? Go do it. You'll be able to fight and protect yourself and others. Archery? Cool. Growing food? Awesome. Fixing cars? Hell yeah. Whatever just go do it!
Life is short. Life is long. Ultimately we all just wanna spend time doing things we like doing and fulfill us, and get paid for it. And hang out with people we like, who support us, who want the best for us. What do you want the story of your life to be? How do you want to "tell" your life? What do you want your life to mean, to you and to the world?
I think that's it! Thanks for reading.

I (29f) am going to be solo traveling for work for a few weeks in July and will be stopping in 7 countries and spending 1-2 days in each place. Looking for some help on my itinerary. Please note that I cannot change the days/times I'll be working each of my work events, so I'm trying to plan around them the best I can where I can see some cool things in each country without getting too fatigued/burnt out. If it's helpful to know, I'll be traveling from east coast, USA. Currently, I've tried to plan one "event"/tourist attraction to see each day, and whatever other free time I have in that country, I figured I'll casually explore the city, find some good food, stay at the hotel pool, etc. But I have a 5 day gap between HCMC and Tokyo and am trying to decide between a few options listed below. Also looking to see if my itinerary seems doable in the time I have. Additional info: I enjoy nature/scenery, beaches, cultural stuff, art/architecture, honestly just wanna see some beautiful places. I'm not into drinking so don't care for nightlife kind of things. Not super concerned with travel & transportation budget as my job is paying for most of it, but would like to keep activities to $100ish USD max a day.
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July 19 - arrive in Jakarta
July 20 - walk and explore city during the day
July 20 - 6-10pm work event
July 21 - fly into Singapore, walk around/explore city
July 22 - 11am - 3pm work event/relax rest of day
July 23 - Gardens by the Bay (all day)
July 24 - fly into Kuala Lumpur midday, relax for the evening
July 25 - Batu Caves/waterfall 9-3pm; 6-10pm work event
July 26 - fly into Bangkok (land 8am), check into hotel 11am, take cab at noon to ethical elephant sanctuary in Pattaya for a tour from 2-5pm
July 27 - work event 6-10pm
July 28 - fly into HCMC Vietnam, explore city
July 29 - work event 11am-3pm
\July 30-Aug 2 - SEE OPTIONS BELOW**
Aug 3 - work event in Tokyo 6-10pm
Aug 4 - Fly into Seoul (I've lived in Korea so I will end the itinerary here as I don't need any further insight into this country).
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Option 1:
- July 29 fly to Northern Vietnam in the evening, and spend July 30 & 31 seeing one or two of the following places: seeing Hanoi, Ha Long Bay, Ninh Binh, or Sa Pa. From my research, these sound more interesting to me than the options I'm finding in HCMC (not really interested in the war museum or Cu Chi tunnels)
-Aug 1 fly into Tokyo, spend Aug 1-3 exploring Tokyo
Option 2:
-July 30 fly into Okinawa, spend Jul. 30 & 31, and head into Tokyo July 31 night. Aug 1-3 explore Tokyo
Option 3:
- July 30 head straight to Tokyo and spend 5 days exploring Tokyo
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I love the idea of seeing more of Vietnam because I've heard how amazing it is, but if it's a hassle to get to the places listed from HCMC, then maybe it's worth heading straight to Japan. If I head straight to Japan, is it too much to try and do Okinawa and Tokyo in the time allotted? Is 3 days enough to get a good feel of Tokyo? Would also be open to hearing suggestions of other good beaches within an hour or so from Tokyo if there are any.
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Also, does my itinerary as a whole sound doable? I know I have extremely limited time in each country and ideally wouldn't want to move around so much, but can't change the work schedule unfortunately. Thanks in advance!!

Hi everyone!
I had my first dose (0.25) 4 days ago, and my appetite/food cravings are already completely gone, which was exactly what I was hoping for. I haven't experience any side effects (if anything, I feel like it helped with my anxiety and insomnia), beside dehydration.
Although I'm eating way less, on the day of my first injection I drank the usual amount of water (2 L) and the next morning I woke up with the worst sense of dehydration I've ever felt: cracked lips, dry mouth and dry eyes, and overall being extremely thirsty. I've been increasing my water intake, and it did make me feel a little bit better in the morning, but the feeling of being dehydrated is still very much there.
Has anyone had a similar experience? How much do you drink per day? Does drinking mineral wateoligomineral wateelectrolytes drinks make a difference? Any advice is very much appreciated!

Male. Starting Uni soon. There have been times where I felt lonely and was craving affection physical and mental.
I haven't had any experience with romantic relationships, so I decided to try all the tips. none of them worked.Through my whole life, I've noticed that I didn't have trouble making friends at all. I consider myself an extraverted introvert. I tend to speak a lot in certain communities and with people i'm familliar with.
Despite of being an introvert, most of my friendships would just fall into my hands. I got along with my classmates naturally, but I think that's mostly because they come from good famillies.
I remember being at a local Parkour park once. I didn't speak a single word, but I got approached by other athletes or just random dudes. We had long chats and would become friends with ease.
I remember my first day at the gym. A guy started a convo with me and we had no trouble communicating.
When I got my first job at a local fast-food place, I decided to socialize for a bit and got to know all my colleagues. On one night a couple of guys invited me for drinks and we would make this into a habit. We would laugh our asses off, and have a good time in general.
I used to make friends very very easily in online games or the internet when I was younger.
Now, you may say that I must be a person with a lot of contacts, but I really am not. These friendships did not last long, mostly because I was inactive, but they were smooth as butter while they lasted.
And you know what's the similarity between those encounters? I didn't have to say a lot, nor I had to be charismatic/deep/attentive. They just happened. And a lot of these people would compliment how much of a mature, chill, cool guy I was.
I cannot say the same for girls. Most of the girls i've spoken to in my life would give me short, cold answers.
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I've had a few girls flirt with me or be active in general. One of them manipulated me for an ego boost, the others just friendzoned me.
I remember feeling pity for the shy girl in my class who did not speak to anyone at all. I had no romantic intentions towards her, just a few casual chats about interests. I've noticed that she was very active in no time and I guess we got along well.She started flirting and I played along. I decided to take a step further and invite her to a date. She would play it off at first, but then agreed.
Fast forward to our "date"It was some shitty harry potter movie during which she kept staring at her phone. Turns out her toxic best-friend who would insult me in front of her was enraged that we went to the movies without her.
I brushed it off at first.
After this "date" I texted her: So, how was our date? :)To which she responded: Date? I thought it was a friendly movie night?I understood her true intentions and decided to stop taking her seriously at all.
She would continue to flirt with me, talk about sexual stuff and shower me with flattery.
Then she would gaslight me and try to "roast me"To which I called her a manipulator jokingly.
She started ignoring me in class and not even greeting me. I asked her what's wrong to which she replied "I need a break"I didn't question her further and just said "Alright"Later on that night one of her friends tells me to apologize because she misses me.
I apologized for the sake of it, and she said something like "Finally you apologized. I missed you"Her constant fake compliments and gaslighting would continue until I decided to cut ties with her and ghost her overtime.
I found out that her attitude towards me was actually a form of manipulation called "Love-bombing" since she was flirting with me and sexting me in a matter of days, before starting to gaslight me.
The second girl that I met was through my girl classmate who's a good friend of mine.
I would occasionally reply to her stories and chat. I remember dropping a flirty line jokingly, because I found her cute.
She replied positively and would flirt back. She started to become very active and would ask me a lot of questions and keep me updated on everything everyday.
But i've noticed that her behavior of flirting was very similar to the first girl, so I decided that i'm in the friendzone. I was right. She mentioned having a crush on other guy in a few days.
By providing this second example, I'm trying to say that the tip to be confident and flirt still didn't get me out of the friendzone.
Another tip that I hear constantly and find reasonable is to make the first move and approach them.
I approached this girl at my work and struck up a convo. We shared interests and I could tell she wasn't creeped out and seemed genuine. She even offered to go out on our first talk. We did and we would share a few laughs, I would chat a lot with her, ask her questions, we'd talk about different topics.
I felt a little shy, because this girl was not like any others I've ever seen and I was developing a crush for her. I decided to follow the tip: Just be yourself and don't try to pretend something you're not.
FFW I got friendzoned. She said that I was shy.
Another tip that I heard was to cold approach girls. I was reluctant to follow this tip, because I heard a lot of girls complain about guys "constantly talking to them"So I tried to come up with an original line, and not just hey what's your name.
On my first try, It did work. I talked with a girl for a bit and we didn't have any awkward silences in our convo. As soon as she gave me her social media, her personality changed. She'd give out short answers up to the point where I had no idea what to ask her or how to communicate with her, so I decided to send her some funny vids or those that were related to our common interests like movies, which we spoke about during our first convo.
I decided to be confident and make the move. In a few days I messaged her, politely asking if she wants to hang out and chat at a local park if she's free. She replied instantly and said something like"yeah, of course. I'm a bit busy with schedules, friend Bdays coming up, and i'll message you when i'm free"I sent her a like and asked her how she's doing a few days later. She never replied.
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The way people describe attracting a girl is like solving some kind of a mystery.
I was told to be funny, ask her a lot of personal questions, be interesting, find common topics and be mysterious.And at first these characteristics seem realistic, but like I mentioned, most of the girls I met would give short replies, which would make me run out of questions to ask or any sort of motivation.
As for the funny part, my sense of humor is different from others and I don't think most of the girls would appreciate it. It makes my buddies laugh, but our girl friends don't really like it.
I don't really understand what they mean by funny. You expect me to be a psychologist to determine what kind of humor she wants and just dance and cater to her needs like a jester to force her into liking me?
There is a huge difference between men and women in terms of their mentality, so the tip to talk to girls like they're boys is straight up bullshit IMO. If they truly are equal, then anyone with a Gender studies degree is an uneducated fool. Men tend to talk about way more extreme things amongst each other.
I decided to ask for advice from one of my girl buddies. She told me to "let it come naturally and not do anything and by engaging with others I am forcing a relationship"And dare I say, this is the worst piece of advice i had ever heard.
So you're telling me that if I stay passive and don't interact with girls I will suddenly become a magnet?If that's true, then why are people trying to get rich? Why won't they just stand there and wait for the money to come naturally? Bullshit.
I'm not some princess in a castle waiting for a noble knight. Why would I spend my whole youth "waiting for the right moment"?
I've seen a lot of people just being focused on pursuing their career and not giving a fuck. Some of them nerds, some of them normal people who are casually interacting with others and outgoing. But I haven't heard anything about them being popular among girls
Frankly, I don't even understand what to do anymore. I'm starting to think that it's my appearance, since i've been berated a lot for it and my girl classmate would rank me as the least attractive during some comparison games or whatever the hell that was.
I've seen a lot of guys that were bland, uneducated, had zero respect or politeness end up with tons of women around them. They had zero hobbies or didn't share any common interests with the girls.
As for me, I take care of myself and my hygiene, up to the point where it becomes an obsession. Not necessarily because of girls, but because I like being clean in general.
I read, watch movies, shows, exercise, and NO, my hobbies do not involve Video games or any shit like this.
It's just that I hate the fact that I'm forced to follow a strict number of rules to find someone, while there are guys who aren't doing the basic minimum and still have huge fucking success.
The only path for me left is Tinder or dating apps, which I'm certain won't do me any good.
At this point I'm just really tired of interacting with people, asking the same questions and ending up in the same place all over again. I no longer have the same drive as I had in the first time. I no longer want romance and bonding, I just want to some casual hookups and that's it.
That's it. Sorry for making it too long.
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I just want some advice that doesn't involve playing mind tricks, altering myself to cater the needs of someone, or modern "self improvement"
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27 M 6'2" 314 lbs
So I've tried a lot over the years to lose weight, until I was around 24 and gave up completely and got to around 450 lbs. Last year I started MFP and ended up losing a quick 30 pounds but pretty much maintained weight and almost quit again due to the lack of results.
Extremely frustrated with life, I decided on an extreme diet of 1500 calories a day. Usually OMAD, I found that I could eat more or less what I wanted, and my diet was pretty bad, consisting of Taco bell combos, 20 piece Mcnuggets, etc. Still, it worked and I lost 110 pounds from June-December.
In December I got a stressful new job which kept me away from the gym and had me eating to cope and my weight loss stalled and I actually gained around 20 pounds.
About a month ago I got a similar burst of motivation and I got back in the gym, and started eating less, but actually decent food this time, lots of chicken breast and salads, protein shakes, etc. I noticed that with a similar level of hunger to my 1500 calorie diet I was rarely eating more than 1000 calories. All in all, I've lost all the weight I gained and am finally at a new lowest.
So I know this is stupid and dangerous buuuut just how much? My main concern is losing a ton of muscle, but my lifts haven't really gotten weaker, my bench press has actually steadily increased. Does anyone know how long it would take for warning signs to manifest and what should I look for?

Meaning, do the same triggers need to always, or almost always, trigger you, and do the symptoms you experience need to be similar each time for the underlying condition to be MCAS?
I'm asking because some days I can't sit in the sun for more than 5 minutes before getting an "attack" (EXTREME sense of impending doom/anxiety/panic, elevated heart rate (+/- 135), elevated blood pressure (170/110), feeling as if my skin is on fire, feeling like my nervous system is fried, a dizzy-like feeling as if I'm walking on a wobbly platform on water, but no hives or wheezing, or any visible symptoms whatsoever), while other days I can sunbathe for hours on end without any problems. I noticed these attacks improve drastically upon taking alprazolam after about an hour upon ingestion. So I'm wondering: this due to the mast cell stabilizing effect of benzodiazepines, or due to my central nervous system being calmed down due to an autonomic nervous system problem...
Also, during one type of "attack" I suffer from the aforementioned excitatory symptoms, but I also suffer from a different type of "attack" where I suffer from EXTREME brain fog, as if I have hypoxia or dementia or an extreme form of migraine without headache or something. I feel completely intoxicated with some kind of toxic substance during one. I can't do any substantial work on it and belong in bed when I'm going through one of these completely different types of attacks. Does the fact that I suffer from different clusters of symptoms likely exclude MCAS, or is this seen in MCAS cases?
On top of those two types of attacks, my feet often feel like they're burning, mostly at night (peripheral neuropathy?), and my feet and hands are very cold. I come from a bland, almost vegan diet because of a sudden onset of severe intolerance to meat and fermented foods (I suspect histamine intolerance, which recently improved and now I can eat those foods again), and prior to that I suffered from 1.5 years of idiopathic recurrent duodenal ulcers, and idiopathic chronic gastritis, which both improved tremendously after quitting PPIs which I had been on for 7 years straight due to GERD. I started supplementing a methylated, complete vitamin B complex, but I don't feel any better on it, maybe even worse, except for maybe the fact that my hands feel warmer and tingling senstions on my skin have decreased. Any thoughts on this?
Something else: my seasonal allergies (birch pollen, grass pollen, dust mites) haven't worsened. They've stayed the same. I just get itchy eyes and a stuffed nose like all the years prior to it. Is this unlikely the case in MCAS; do allergy symptoms increase?
Lastly: I've had my baseline serum tryptase measured at 3.9 microgram/L during cold season where I live, and now, during pollen allergy season, my serum tryptase was measured at 4.5 microgram/L during an "attack". It was quickly measured during this attack at the ER. Is this likely to exclude MCAS?
I have a lot of questions because I've been suffering from debilitating mystery symptoms without any answers from extensive medical testing. I'm really suffering terribly. So help would be very much appreciated.
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Thanks in advance for reading/responding!

Looking for any recommendations or advice from those of you who are printing cookie cutters. I'm running into issues with stringing across the center of the cutter which is obviously not food safe.
I've had good success wtih Cura as a slicer to print things like boardgame and tabletop terrain pieces. However, when I tried printing cookie cutters I simply souldnt find a way to get the print to not have extreme stringing.
I've ended up landing on using Prusa as a slicer as it has a method to keep the nozle on the perimeter of the model and not cross the center. This gets rid of almost all stringing, but it looks like im getting a little bit of strings around some of the layer changes.

Trying MDPM for the first time. I’ll be writing a live report as time passes. For some background, I am female, 5’5 and approx. 110 pounds.
I got the MDPM to be a guinea pig and report back on. Apparently it’s pretty new on the scene and barely any tangible research out there on it. It’s one of the random chemicals Alexander Shulgin discovered, but he only mentioned it once and never again. Must’ve been rediscovered at some point, there’s pretty much nothing else in existence yet about it.
I checked for drug/research patents, and in 2023 it seems there’s been a lot of applications to patent it for treatment of mental illnesses. I think, I’m not well versed in reading patents. Ok anyway.
I’m experienced with MDMA, 4MMC, 4F-MPH, and most common stimulants and dissos. I’ll make note of any similarities I notice with this.
ROA: crushed into fine powder. 50 mg powder weighed out and mixed with fruit punch, drank this within the span of 15 minutes while eating. Taken at 2:00 pm.
No discernible taste/smell. The MDPM is an off white beigeish, and crushes very easily into a powder. At first it was a mix of some hard clumps/rocks and less fine powder.
2:45: No noticeable or tangible effects yet. Redosing 25 grams oral in juice again.
3:30: Noticeable motivation to get things done. Cleaned my whole bathroom, vacuum all my downstairs, cleaned the carpet, and did all my laundry, including all towels, bedding, and linens. I do want to add, it’s definitely a very clean feeling energy, not like meth or coke feels (at least to me). I don’t feel the on edge/frantic energy like those give me. Also, no jaw clenching/grinding. Definitely an increase in sweating, but that could entirely be from the cleaning. Also, loss of appetite. Food is of no interest right now when I think of it.
5:00 Sweating is fine now. Definitely noticing some sociability, and confidence. But again, not the delusional kind of confidence you can sometimes get with other drugs. Just really want to talk to people and appreciate connection. Still in a get shit fine mood, but not overwhelming. House has never been cleaner. Eyes are bloodshot, but not extremely. Could be allergies.
7:00: Out with friends and my partner, generally just feel happy and sociable. I often experience social anxiety but I feel none right now. Pupils are mildly enlarged but not to a degree that’s noticeable that I took something. Also having that stim kind of experience where you feel, tingly? but not in a bothersome way.
9:30: Back at home, still a steady degree of energy and confidence. I can be prone to melancholy when I use MDMA/stimulants sometimes, still none with this. Increase in sexuality and heightened sensitivity of skin. Sorry to keep repeating it, but the main effect I feel, is just confidence, good energy, and a very mild euphoria.
11:30: Going to bed. No lasting jitters or insomnia. Also no crash I could notice at all/ and the biggest thing that I’m incredibly excited about is absolutely no post MDMA like depression. I feel back to my normal sober state but without any of the horrible sadness I sometimes get with MDMA. Hoping it lasts like this.
9:30 AM next day: Got wicked, good sleep, did not wake up or have trouble falling asleep at all. I had some strange dreams, but not scary, just more memorable than any I usually have. Upon waking up, I still feel light and energetic, but not nearly as much as when I took it yesterday. energy could just be a result of the good sleep. And again, absolutely no depression like I usually get. I’m out running errands around my city, and it’s just a very nice day, no anxiety or melancholy. No noticeable, physical or mental negative side effects.
12:d30 PM next day: I’m pretty certain there’s no way it’s still active in or causing anything for me right now. But I’d say overall I’m so pleasantly surprised with my reaction to it, and I find it to be very functional and useful substance.
I can’t say I noticed any dissociative or hyper euphoric symptoms, but I wanted to try a lower dose first. I’m going to keep incrementally, trying doses to see if there’s a sweet spot where that might happen, but just playing it safe for now.
Seriously, overall 10 out of 10. I used to be prescribed Adderall, and the energy is similar to that, but Adderall would also give me jitters and nervousness, which I had none up with this.
One last sidenote, since I redosed it’s hard to say exactly how long the life of it is if you only dose once, I believe my experience lasted, at least a few more hours than other reports I’ve read, probably due to the reducing next time I take it i’ll Just stick to one dose and see.

When I take Lactobacillus strains, I experience EXTREME anxiety. Including foods that have Lactobacillus, like sauerkraut.
I know I need to have Lactobacillus strains in my gut, but how can I get them there if I can't tolerate them?
Has anyone been there?