For some background, I have never been a party-24/7 type of person, but I do enjoy the occasional drink with my friends. My main friend group consists of 10 people, (5 guys, 5 girls), and we’ve been friends for 5 years. A few of the group are in relationships, including myself. We only really drink alcohol on special occasions (birthdays, new year’s, college homecoming, etc). In total, It amounts to about once every 6 weeks-ish. For example, on birthdays we’ll go out to the birthday person’s choice of bar, or whatever location they choose. For New Years, we’ll go to someone’s house and there will be a small gathering there with about 20 people.
Whenever we go out (even before dating my current bf), I never talk to anyone besides my friends. I always stay close to my group, and usually we’re at our own table or corner. I don’t flirt with anyone and have no history or intentions of being disloyal or untrustworthy. I never get super drunk, I know my limit and stay within it. I take many precautions, and I have never had any bad experiences going out with friends or otherwise.
My bf and I met a year ago, and have been dating for 9 months now. I met him through work, so he didn’t know any of my friends initially.
Since we’ve been dating I’ve invited him to every event with my friends. He declines because he doesn’t like going out and being around lots of people, which I can respect. He’s only accepted my invitation on one occasion when I told him I really wanted him to meet my friends. He came with me, but made no effort to meet or talk to any of my friends outside of me introducing him. He told me that they weren’t his vibe. He complained the rest of the night that he wasn’t having fun and wanted to leave, so we left early that night. I didn’t have a good time because I really hoped he would have fun, and I felt responsible when he didn’t. Since then, I don’t push for him to come when he declines.
If I go out without him, I have my location turned on, text him every half-hour-ish to update, let him know any time we change locations, and text when I’ve gotten home safely at the end of the night. This has worked fine for both of us up until now.
6 months into the relationship, my bf told me that he doesn’t want me drinking “around strangers” anymore. This includes bars, clubs, house parties, gatherings (even with 1 person in the room I don’t know). He told me that it has nothing to do with me specifically, just that drinking impairs judgement and he thinks that drunk strangers are unpredictable and will hurt me, and I won’t be able to defend myself because my judgement is impaired and reactions slowed, etc. He says he trusts me but doesn’t trust the environment around me. As a result, he doesn’t want me to go out the club (ever) and he says if I go to bars, house parties, gatherings, etc. I am not allowed to drink.
He’s said that I would only be allowed to drink if he is there watching me and my environment. He said it would be like having a “lookout”. He would not drink and his presence is only for the purpose of watching me and the people around me.
He says this rule is normal in relationships he’s seen but I’ve never heard of anything like this. None of my friends in relationships have to do this. He says it shouldn’t be that hard for me to give up drinking when going out, because it’s bad for me and detrimental to my health anyways. He says that drinking shouldn’t change whether I have fun with my friends or not.
Personally, I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, but I’m having a really hard time arguing my position to him without sounding like a complete alcoholic or party animal.
I’m so lost. I quite enjoy my life with my friends the way it is. I’ve talked to him about this and we always end up going in circles.
How can I go about having a productive conversation about this issue?
Please help. Any advice is appreciated.

Before you all sharpen your pitchforks and light your torches, you can look at another post I made on here years ago to understand my past. And I'm only here to give my confession.
I (M 20s) met this European man (40s M) on a cam sex site 3 years ago when the worldwide lockdowns started. I come from a 3rd world country full of crime, lived in poverty and my consistent desire to get out fuelled me to keep living despite one suicidal attempt and keeping my self-destructive thoughts away.
He was kind. While I had enjoyed camming with other men he was the only 1 who checked in on me personally and I will admit, I wasn't deeply attracted to him but I liked making him feel good. We texted back and forth after he offered his number and used to ask thoughtful questions to me.
Flashforward to 2022, he sent a bit of money (after my reluctance) to test of transfers were possible between his bank and mine. Then, while I was saving and scrimping and sometimes starving to have enough money to get out, he offered to pay for a course I had been accepted for in Europe.
I would have been a fool to decline.
He covered my flights, accommodation (he had even asked if I wanted to be alone during the course but I was eager to meet him because truthfully I was a virgin and spent 26 years also wanting to know what it felt like to be intimate with someone) and he was waiting for me at the airport when I arrived.
After my studies, he flew me to his country and I spent 2 magnificent months there. I met his family and they loved me and I loved them. I went to clubs and places on my own and he never held me back from exploring places solo.
Then I came to another country for work as I had no intention of going back. He is currently visiting me. However, his body, in the span of some months has changed so much that whatever little attraction I had for him is withering. I've assessed that I'm 《 NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM 》 anymore but 《 I DO LOVE HIM 》 although I resent him for letting himself go. He drinks and eats poorly. 3 years before we met, he had a head full of hair and when I glimpse at his ID card or any picture 5 years before I met him, I feel cheated. He was so handsome and I would have swooned at him if he had ever walked past me on the street.
Now, I see guys my own age and wish I could be with someone attractive but with the heart and kindness this man as shown me. And I know, deep in my heart that this seed of desire will grow until I find a fitting lover of my own.
I made healthy vegan/vegetarian dishes for him during my course last year and he thanked me since he said he lost a lot of weight as a result, and that being with me is good for him. I just wish he would take better care of himself more. I try to apply moisturiser and sunscreen on him but he refuses. When he is fast asleep I moisturise his face and feet. Sometimes I pluck some hairs from his upper back, or when he awakes with a start at night, sweating, I have water beside the bed to ensure he hydrates. He even jokes that I act like his mother.
He has consistently proposed that I let him legally adopt me which would only grant me the privilege to live in his country. However, I prefer marriage, since it would grant me a strong Passport—an insurance that I would never have to return to my country of origin.

Hey everyone!! I’m transferring colleges from a school that had a not-very-competitive club rowing team to another that has a D1 team. I’ve only been rowing for less than a year. I’m 19, female, ~130, 5’4” and the last time I did an erg 2k (March-ish) it was around 7:59. I know this isn’t great, and, considering my height, I was wondering if it would even be possible for me to be a walk-on. I really do love rowing but is coxing the only path for me?

I'm a rising soph neurodivergent + physically disabled cs major, and my first year has been anything but smooth. Especially with the competitive club culture here, I've been rejected from so many opportunities, and constantly having to get over things and change my plans has definitely negatively affected me mentally :(
Ironically, a big reason why I committed to Cal was because I thought I had a lot of opportunities to grow and be successful as an underrepresented/ND person - I know multiple autistic people who are very involved in campus and have had super positive experiences, but all of them are humanities majors, and many things just feel like closed doors to me. Since I don't really know any stem majors , I'm not sure what to think about my experiences and how normal they are for someone with my background. Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, how did you learn to navigate it? Just would like some insight :,)

Fox “I like you better without your helmet on, Bill.”
Bill “Thank you Fox! But wondering to ask, how did you receive your merman form?”
Fox “Well I tried to go scuba diving at the different world, but got hit by a sudden wave and saved by a Prince of an underwater kingdom.”
Bill “Did you see anything while being underwater?”
Fox “Well had a tour of the kingdom before meeting a king, while Krystal discovered that the Corrupted Mayor had a stolen artifact hidden from the unaware townsfolk!”
Bill “Wow! Sounds like a great adventure you had…”
Fox “Hello General Pepper, is there any new missions for us?”
General Pepper “Actually there’s no mission objectives available, so you can just go to whatever you’re planning to do.”
Fox “I was thinking of bringing Bill along to see the underwater kingdom.”
Bill Grey “I don’t know if I should go with you and I might just drown when going there.”
Fox “Don’t worry, Bill! Andorf can open a portal for us and Slippy can give you a modified diving suit to wear.”
Bill “Well I guess I can come with you then…”
General Pepper “This will be your first exploration adventure to the underwater environment, so I will be waiting to debrief you later!”
Bill “Thank you General! Are you ready… Fox?” startled to see merman Fox
Fox “I’m already prepared and ready to go for a swim!”
Slippy “Hey Falco, how was the underwater excavation?”
Falco “Oh, we found some interesting artifacts at the underwater ruins, and Leon was helpful fending off those sneaky thieves!”
Leon “Happy to help out my partner and I’m still envious about your merman form…”
Female Lombax “I’m glad you were able to help them, my love!”
Leon “And I’m guessing you found your new beloved girlfriend from the enemy’s stronghold?”
Falco “Yes Leon! She does almost look familiar to Katt, but she is still perfect for me.”
Leon “If you’re done hugging her, how did you become a merman?”
Falco “Morning after visiting Fox at the Warlord’s floating fortress yesterday night, I took one of the dark-crafted smoke bombs from Maku’s apartment.”
Slippy “He brought five smoke bombs back from the visited seaside city. You must’ve taken one for personal reasons!?”
Falco “Yeah, sorry about that Slippy…”
Leon “So what happened after you took one of the smoke bombs?”
Falco “Well, I went to the beach shore near Corneria and was waiting for a few soldiers to arrive. Few minutes later as they arrived, I threw down the smoke bomb that released a transformation mist in a mile round radius.”
Slippy “What happens next?”
Falco “When the mist was released and spread out quickly from the smoke bomb, our uniforms were quickly shredded into pieces and we were instantly transformed into mermen. It’s like a sudden tsunami washing over our bodies as it twists and merges our legs into fishtails below our waists.”
Slippy “It’s just like what Maku described when he saw the human civilians transform into merfolk!”
Falco “That’s right! We couldn’t stand back up, but quickly crawled into the shallow water of the beach shoreline. Then, I used my functioning wrist communicator to call for transport to the Tower Headquarters.”
Leon “Did you ever have second thoughts before deciding to transform into a merman?”
Falco “Not really, but I did have an infiltration plan to get into the enemy’s underwater smuggling shipwreck stronghold.”
Slippy “Maku debriefed us about your situation and crazy idea!”
Falco “So moments later after Maku arrived at the Tower h.q., I explained my infiltration plan to the frustrated young wolf. Then one of the servants of the Shredder slipped a stealth sleeve on my right arm and buckled a slave collar around my neck.”
Leon “You wanted to look like a captured slave? Interesting…”
Falco “After being carried to a fountain at a high populated area in the city, I asked Maku and the silent servant to find a high hidden place to observe from.”
Leon “Guessing you don’t want them to be seen or the plan won’t work easily, right?”
Falco “Yeah, the Abductors will flee from capture when they walk into a big ambush!”
Leon “So, what happened next?”
Falco “With the General’s soldiers fake sleeping at the city, the Octillean soldiers came through the portal throwing dark magic crafted smoke bombs at the fleeing civilians. While they are collecting the transformed Cornerian victims, one of the Octillean soldiers found me already prepared and waiting in the fountain’s shallow pool.”
Leon “So he picked you up and carried you through the portal to the underwater stronghold?”
Falco “Yes, I was carried into the underwater smuggling shipwreck stronghold before the transformed Cornerian soldiers and civilians came through the portal to be sorted into different prison rooms.”
Leon “Okay, so what happened after that?”
Falco “After arriving at their underwater smuggling hideout, the dark Octillean mastermind recognized the enemy in front of him and appointed me as his observation guest. Good thing I didn’t get killed and I got my own private bedroom within the underwater smuggling shipwreck stronghold.”
Leon “I’m guessing you also met your new girlfriend while exploring the underwater stronghold?”
Falco “Yeah, but I’ll tell you that story for another time. Anyway, where did Fox went from here?”
Slippy “He went to Maku’s underwater kingdom with Bill, so they’ll be back at HQ later.”

I was part of the WI for ages, maybe 5 years. I was the youngest by a long shot. At first they bent over backwards for me, you know, beause I was the youngest and they thought I would draw in more younger people. That never happened.
I started feeling left out, because we have nothing in common. They have children and grandchildren, I don't, nor do I want them yet. I was involved with the book club, until they point blank refused to read a book I suggested on the grounds that it was too scary. Their books seemed to revolve around the same category, which didn't interest me in the slightest, but I pushed through just so I had something to talk about at the meeting. Eventually, I left and stuck to the monthy meetups.
There are two women at the meetups who insist on trying to be my mums. They talk to me non-stop about jobs and how much I could do if I had a job and money. Even my actual parents don't go on at me like they do. I go to the meetups to wind down, have a laugh, not be told off for not having a job. My god they are annoying.
I do have some friends there, but again, we have nothing in common and all the new ones are like 30 years my senior. I don't know whether I should go back or not. What would you do?

So I found a Panamera Turbo, comes with full service records, supposedly meticulously maintained- interior is absolutely perfect not even a wrinkle on the leather. Exterior paint definitely looks good as well, no rash on the rims.
I'm going to look at the car (and records) this week.
47k mi, Warranty available at extra cost, not looked at it yet, even still I would be fine without (based on what I read that goes wrong with these).
I like the colour, I love the style of the 970, and I love the buttons, not nearly enough if you ask me.
I've not driven it yet, and in fact haven't driven any Porsche Turbo yet but I've heard I won't be disappointed when I do.
Any wisdom as to why I shouldn't buy this car?
I've not seen the carfax yet but won't purchase unless it's clean.

Hello. Earlier this morning I was hit by a motorcycle. Medyo malakas tama cause basag headlights niya. He was speeding when I was making a left turn. I know it's his fault kasi nakahinto na yung jeep and other motorcycle sa left side ko and dahan dahan ako lumiliko kasi masikip yung kanto na papasukan ko. I was driving an SUV so imposible di niya ko nakita. Also this place is a school zone so may pedestrian before the kanto.
Anyway, I don't have much experience in repair shops since sa casa madalas kami nagpapagawa and no major repairs so far like this one. This car was just a hands me down from my brother, who is now working abroad. I was browsing in google for shops and I saw Reynaldos Car Care in Sumulong Highway. Is this shop legit? Does anyone have experience getting repairs from them? And lastly, can anyone recommend other repair shops in QC? I live near Commonwealth for reference.

I, 18F and my boyfriend, 19M, lived in an apartment with my brother and his fiancee for 3 months before he decided to move and leave their 2 bedroom apartment with us. My mom, 45F, sister 26F who I will call Carly (not her real name) and her ex boyfriend 28M Derek (not his real name) moved in with us. The rent at our apartment is $1300 per month. Some background, when I was 17 I was kicked out of my home and moved in with my now ex boyfriend who then put me out and was turned away by my sister and Derek when I was homeless. The agreement with them living with us was my mom would get the master bedroom and pay no rent, I would keep my bedroom and Carley would make the living room into a bedroom for herself and we'd split the rent in half (my mom lives free, that's a different story). We've been living all together for one month and in this time neither of them would get a job but every Friday night would have money to go out to bars and clubs all night long, coming in loudly at 4 AM. Me and my boyfriend, Gary (not his real name), paid the full rent for this month and they still have made no attempt to get a job. My breaking point was last Friday, three days ago, when Carly and Derek came home with another friend and Carly came upstairs, drunk, and woke everyone in my house up, broke our moms bed frame, started screaming and crying about how she's does everything for everyone (forgetting that Gary and I paid all bills, gas, and for all food) and how all anyone does is stress her out and nobody cares about her. My brother's name is still on the lease and he did say that if I want to take over the apartment he will kick them out but my mother doesn't want to let us kick Carly out because she believes that it's unfair to Carly and she can't watch her kid go homeless. Every day I work 8-12 hours, a long with Gary and we come home to screaming, attitudes, we get walked on, and more than that we can never have any money after we get paid, as we are now trying to buy a car, since Carly and Derek blew the motor on our shared transportation. So WIBTA if I kicked them out when they have nowhere to go?

Pretty much the title. Life is very stressful and in my most tired moments I miss my exwBPD terribly. I'm 99% sure if I went back he would take me, and in the past reminding myself of his behavior wasn't adequate to keep me away. Blame general abuse, sleep deprivation, gaslighting, and that cycling the thought in my mind that he was absolutely unreasonable made me feel like I was exaggerating. The external validation I get in this sub is keeping me afloat.
Thank you all for the consistent reminders of why being near him in any capacity is a terrible idea. Its current moments like these where I have to remember that I essentially need to treat myself like someone recovering from substance abuse.

I'm in De. and the only thing you have to do is sign an attendance sheet at the end of the year. I love that because it gives us the freedom to go at our own pace. My daughter showed an interest in chemistry for a few years, so in science that's all what we've been learning. That's one of the beauties of homeschool, you can learn what you're interested in while still learning the needed subjects and you can do so at your own pace. And with youtube videos and different book, it was fun to learn along side her the things I may have forgotten about or didn't know myself.
She knows some pop culture (she's only 11) like stranger things, disney movies, and knows damn near every song on the radio. Needless to say, she wouldn't have any problem fitting in if she were to go to p.s.
The Duggars break my heart entirely. I'm still wondering how they learned to read and do basic math under Gothard teachings. They are completely disconnected to the outside world and think what they have been told is the God honest truth, so doesn't think there is a need to search for it (the truth). Even if they did wanted to do their own research they wouldn't know how to cause they don't know how to use the internet. A lot of them, under Gothard not just the Duggars, don't even know what google is. This is one instance where cps needs to get involved and one where homeschooling is not the best option.
My only hope is that Jill and Jinger, if they do homeschool, get curriculums that are secular, or at least doesn't have too much focus on God and christianity. Maybe like me, they too can learn aside their child and have fun while doing it.

I want to be clear I am not saying all women are like this or are bad people. Let me tell you what I mean specifically here. As a man who never really interacted with women that much and lived his under a rock his own life I became a gullible person. But I never was into redpill or Andrew Tate so I never developed a unhealthy mindset of women. The only kind of women I meet are the ones online and boy they have had a stronger factor in shaping my perspective on women than any of the redpill content I watched and it's not positive at all. First is the apathy and reluctance to understand men's insecurities. I have seen women on relationship advice shaming men for being concerned about his wife clubbing till 4 am and telling him people cheat in all kinds of place not just clubs. In another post the women are like maybe she just enjoys taking her wedding ring off cause blah. I have even read a feminist article about women who was had affair with a man and demands and expects sympathy from friends and downplays the emotional damage cheating has. I have seen women here defending the separation of sex and romance without understanding our fears about how it will affect romantic culture. Honestly the biggest problem about these women, is their inability to acknowledge there are different world views not everyone is hyper focused on the individual capacity to perform a certain behavior without judgment maybe there is something else we care about. No they won't acknowledge that like at all. I recommend redpillers and young impressionable men like me leave these subreddits and meet healthy women. I am sure not every women is pushing hookup culture but I don't think they are here. These women on the internet are making me think women are nothing but cheaters who only care about sex and only get into relationships with "safe" men. But thankfully I am trying to meet real women who are not like the women on here so I think I will get better. But I really the women her are dangerous to impressionable young men who don't have much experience with women.

As the title says, my sister has OCD and severe emetophobia. This has been the case for almost as long as I can remember. It’s gotten worse over the last few years. Most of her compulsions are about hand washing or cleaning frequently touched areas or things. This past week, I was sick (vomited) and she’s been in an intensely anxious state since then. I’m trying to figure out what to do to help her, myself, and my parents going forward. She’s my only sibling, and we both live with our parents.
Things really need to change, and I'm looking for advice/suggestions.
CW for talking about vomiting without censoring words related to it. In general when I talk about being sick or mention sickness in this post, I mean vomiting, unless I say otherwise. Also CW for other mental illness and suicidal thoughts.
**This is going to be a really, REALLY long post with lots of details, so skip to the TLDR summary at the bottom if you don’t want to go through all of it.*\* There’s even a TLDR for the TLDR, if you need it. Many of the details are because I’ve simply been holding onto all this for a long time and I need to let it out, but I tried to keep only what was actually relevant and helpful.I'll use headings to separate out information.

Background/general info about my sister's mental health

For about 5 years now, since the last time I was sick and she was around me, her mental health has gotten much worse. She started frequently asking family members to open and close doors for her (including cabinet doors and the dishwasher) and turning the kitchen faucet on and off. This is the case in public spaces, too—she’ll wait for one of us to open a door to a building, or for me or my mom to open the door to a public restroom. (She generally avoids public restrooms if at all possible, though.) She’ll use a cup to turn on the kitchen faucet, or she’ll open a cabinet door by the very edge and not the handle. She started only eating using dishes, utensils, and cups that she’s gotten herself; if we’re having dinner as a family and I’m setting the table, I’ll only set out dishes, utensils, and cups for myself and my parents. She’ll warn us to be careful of her cup or her dish on the table if we’re moving near it. She often asks us if we washed our hands after doing something (e.g., putting on our shoes—actually, that’s a fairly new one, I think), and she’ll ask about the expiration dates on food and if the meat someone else made for a meal is fully cooked. Sometimes she’ll ask us to clean or wash something that doesn’t really need to be.
The bathroom on the upper level of the house, where her and my bedrooms are, became hers for all intents and purposes except for the shower, which we share. I’ve been using the downstairs bathroom—where I had been sick—for brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc., for the last five years since I was sick. (Now that I look back on it, this was essentially self-imposed, since I didn’t want to upset her back then by bringing my daily hygiene items back upstairs.)
Basically, we comply with most of the things she asks us to do, which at this point I know isn’t great. My mom is the one who complies the most, I’m kind of in the middle, and my dad does it the least. My sister most often gets my mom to help her when she needs to clean something that she’s really stressed about. From what I can tell, my mom mainly helps because she’s worried about my sister, I mainly help because I’ve always given in to her with most things (not healthy, I know), and my dad mainly helps because it’s simply easier to give in than push back. We all love my sister, and we understand her mental illness is difficult for her, but I think that none of us really know where to draw a line.My sister has gone to therapy on and off since she was diagnosed when she was about 10, but she has refused any medication for her OCD. A while ago, she mentioned that she knew about EMDR therapy for emetophobia, so that gave me some hope that she might try that. She has been seeing a therapist for the last few months, but the therapist seems to be focusing on anxiety in general and not OCD or emetophobia. I did hear from my mom that my sister apparently decided to start therapy focusing more on OCD next week…however, that was last week, before I was sick, so she might have canceled the appointment.
Also, my sister is living at home right now and commuting to her university because living on campus, even in her own dorm room, is too stressful for her (she actually transferred from her first university primarily because of this). I just graduated from college myself and I'm living at home now. The only reason I would move out in the near future would be because of my sister's anxiety; I'm not financially ready to be on my own, and our family dynamic is fairly healthy.

Background/general info about my mental health & how my sister affects me

I was diagnosed with depression (dysthymia) several years ago, and I currently take medication for it. It’s gotten significantly better in the last year or so, thankfully. I’ve experienced suicidal ideation before and felt suicidal, but I haven’t ever attempted. I’ve also dealt with general anxiety, which comes in periodic bouts. I have seen therapists before; I started seeing one last summer for my depression and also to deal with my emotions about my sister’s anxiety, and I really liked her, but then I had to stop because my family’s insurance plan changed and she wasn’t in our new network.
My sister’s mental health and emotional state frequently affects mine. When her anxiety is severe, it scares me and I simply want to be nowhere near it, which sometimes gets to the point of suicidal ideation. Her everyday anxiety sometimes makes me uncomfortable and often causes irritation or resentment when she asks me to do things for her that I know are because of her anxiety. In a way, I feel like I’m living in a prison built from my sister’s fear. I’m torn between feeling resigned to going along with what she wants, worried about what will happen and how she will feel if I don’t help her, and angry that I have to deal with this. I’m also just…really exhausted dealing with it all the time.
I never, ever pick up or touch something of hers unless I have asked first and she says it’s okay. I can’t ever assume I’m clean when I’m with her, so she is always the one to initiate any physical touch between us (I love when I get hugs from her or when she leans on me). I’ll open and close doors and turn water taps on and off when she asks me. I haven’t ever seen her do this with my parents, but sometimes she’ll indirectly ask me to turn the kitchen faucet off, like call my name to get my attention and then nod at the running faucet. Sometimes I’ll play dumb because I don’t want to do it, but I feel mean not doing it if she asks directly. It’s also hard because it feels like such a small thing. But it happens over and over, and she will leave the faucet running if I don’t turn it off when she asks. If I touch something she thinks is really unclean, I accidentally touch a dish to the kitchen faucet while I’m washing the dish, I touch something she deems is unclean while cooking, or I touch one of her things that she hasn’t okayed for me to touch, she’ll yell at me or say “[my name], why did you have to touch that?” in a really disappointed and angry tone. (Interestingly, in the last several months she actually apologized to me once or twice after yelling at me like that, which was something she had never done before. I didn’t know how to respond.) I also never say anything if my stomach hurts, and if I have a stomachache and I go to get medicine for it, I try to hide it so that she doesn’t see and start worrying. Whenever I feel even slightly nauseous, I’ll worry that I’m going to throw up—not because I’m scared of it actually happening (when I was being sick the other night I was pretty calm), but because I’m scared that she’ll freak out.
With the help of my therapist last summer, I came to realize that accommodating all of my sister’s behaviors wasn’t helpful. I’m by nature a very empathetic person and I have a hard time saying no. I know I need to stop opening doors for her, turning off faucets, and washing my hands extra times, but I’m afraid that if/when I don’t do what she wants me to, she’ll get angry at me, have an anxiety attack, or feel like I’m betraying her. She’s expressed to me before that when people don’t try to help her (implied that “helping” is doing things for her that reduce her anxiety), she feels like they don’t care. But then I also overheard her say to our mom once that she didn’t want us to act differently in terms of cleanliness when she was around. I feel like I should communicate to her that I’m going to stop doing those things, but I’m not great at confrontation, and I don’t really know what to say. I do believe that it would be kinder to tell her what I’m doing than simply stop without any kind of explanation, however.
I didn’t mean for this post to get so long, but I don’t really have anyone who I can talk to about this as openly as I would like. I don’t have many close friends who aren’t also friends with her, so I don’t want to vent to them about stuff she’s dealing with. I’ll sometimes talk to my parents, but I feel badly making them feel concerned about her effects on me, so I don’t tell them many details. I do plan to try finding another therapist, because I know therapy will help me, but at the moment I simply needed to get all of this out and ask for advice. I feel like no one in my life gets how my sister's mental illness affects me, and I feel very alone.

The recent incident

So, I had an episode of vomiting several nights ago (Tuesday). I don’t really know why; I kind of doubt it was food poisoning since nobody else in my family was sick from the dinner we had, and I haven’t had any other symptoms of the flu or another viral sickness.
I had to take off work the following two days after, because I was exhausted and pretty weak from not having any food in my body. My sister was asleep when I was actually being sick, but my mom told her the next day that I had thrown up because she had asked why I wasn’t working. She immediately had an anxiety attack (I wasn’t there when that happened). Then for the next few days she mainly stayed in her room except for going to the upstairs bathroom. According to my mom, she refused to eat for at least a day and a half (if not more). I’m pretty sure Friday was the first time she actually went downstairs since I’ve been sick. I also didn’t see her at all until yesterday, Saturday, so for three days I didn’t see her. We were both downstairs at the same time for a little while yesterday, though I tried to stay out of her way. Today, Sunday, my whole family has been downstairs on and off, and in the same areas.
Per my sister’s request, I’ve showered in my parents’ bathroom instead of the upstairs one, and she wanted to do her laundry before I ran a load with the clothes I was wearing when I was sick. Those didn’t seem like completely unreasonable requests to me, though at first she wanted my mom to handle all of the touching of stuff in the laundry room for me besides my clothes, to which I put my foot down; I have the right to do my own laundry in my own house.
I know my sister is still really anxious, and my mom told me yesterday that my sister confided in her that she is having suicidal ideation, which is distressing to me, especially given that she hasn’t experienced much depression before that I know of (although she has had suicidal ideation when menstruating, and she has self-harmed in the past, but I haven’t heard about her doing it recently). I feel really helpless and like I’m a walking trigger for my sister, and I hate it. I also kind of hate myself right now for this whole incident because it was my fault, even though I know there was nothing I could do to physically stop myself from throwing up. I wish I could check myself into a hotel 20 miles away for a month or two. I wish I could’ve been sick outside, or somewhere else. I wish I could’ve been feeling better the next day and gone back to work, so my mom wouldn’t have had to tell my sister I was sick. I feel unclean and I’m mentally trying to hold myself together right now.
I don’t know when or if things will go back to “normal.” I don’t know when I can talk to my sister about stopping giving in to all the things she wants. I guess the best I can do is take it day by day and see what happens. I want to treat me throwing up as something that just happens, and everything is fine now, but I don’t think that would do much. The episode of being sick itself didn’t affect me emotionally, but to her, it was nearly the end of the world—probably the second worst thing, because the worst would be her throwing up.
If you read through all of this, you deserve a high five. Thanks.

******TLDR: My sister’s anxiety has worsened in the last few years, and my family has accommodated to a lot of her behaviors. My mental health has been negatively affected by her anxiety and I feel trapped by it. For a while, I’ve been trying to figure out how to stop enabling my sister. Then I was sick several nights ago, and my sister has been extremely anxious since then and has had suicidal ideation. I don’t know what to do going forward, and moving out right now is not a possibility. Things have gotten to the point where something needs to change, though.

If the TLDR was TL: My sister’s anxiety is really bad. I got sick a few nights ago and that made it worse. Things need to change.
So. Help?
A) I typically dislike asking for replies or comments, but please, if you have any thoughts (or resources) to share or even just to say that you’ve had a similar experience, I would be incredibly grateful.
B) Short-term: Any suggestions on what to do going forward in the next few weeks with her anxiety? Is there hope of things basically returning to “normal”?
C) Long-term: Any tips on how to tell her I’m not going to help her with things like opening cabinets anymore? I don’t know if there’s anything else I can really say no to…maybe washing my hands extra when I don’t need to? That would be more on an individual basis, though. Also, any other ideas on how to help without enabling?

TLDR: married for almost 5 yr, together almost 6, spent two years apart, been home and have experienced DB for 19 months. She’s approaching 40 and I’m in my mid 20’s. Is it over???
I have been with my partner for almost six years (married for nearly five: M24 & F39) and to put a really long story short, our sex life is nearly non existent. The first year, I was a month shy of 19, we used to have sex every single day, often multiple times. A year into it we hit a really rough patch that lasted about a year due to a really poor decision I made that sent me away for two years, but for context, we got married a month AFTER the incident happened (involved in a shooting that happened where no one was hit) By year four, I was home, life was good, our love and communication and everything was stronger than ever… except, we lived in a studio with two of her older kids and one younger. We had a big curtain blocking our side from theirs so it was minimal privacy and I was understanding, but she still found excuses not to do so, even with the offer of me paying for the hotel room. I’ve been home a year and a half and we moved into a new place with our own bedroom seven months ago - we’ve made love once. So for perspective, in the last four years we’ve had sex about as many fingers as I have on my hands. I’m not egotistical, but I also know I’m not terribly bad looking. I also know that I am the type of lover who makes sure their partners needs are met, meaning she finished too.
She turns forty this month and she’s said it’s not that she finds me unattractive, but she just doesn’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know if it’s her age or if it’s because she’s checked out… She has said that if we don’t work out, she’s done with love (I’m husband #3) and I’m starting to think she might already be done with love. There’s no intimacy. No making out, no flirting, no spark, no desire, no interest.. nothing. I don’t know if over the two years I was away if she just got used to not needing to meet a spouses needs or what, but she works from home and doesn’t shower or shave much anymore, which is another reason she’d turn down advances because she was worried about her smell. When I first came home, it happened once. Then it was only the day after her period when she’d shower, we’d have sex, and then nothing and that happened a few times but then that stopped. Now it’s nothing and we’ve become roommates with rings. It’s depressing and kills me because I remember what it felt like to feel and BE wanted, but now, that’s all it is: a distant memory. I’m worried that I’m gonna wake up one day and be in my 30’s with a DB and by the time we go our separate ways, I will have lost all my youthful years and have a whole different list of problems and obstacles I’ll be dealing with. Is this something that can be fixed with time? Is this premenopausal issues? Does it get better?? Has anyone went from DEAD to ALIVE??
It’s not like my marriage is awful - it’s just missing a really crucial piece that has me feeling empty and insecure inside… had I known this was going to be the outcome, I don’t think I would have gotten married when I did. Part of me wonders if the damage I caused is the reason she doesn’t want me, but I don’t know, because she says otherwise and does in fact love and support me. Is this inevitable with age? Someone help. I don’t know what to think, how long this will last, or what the fuck to do anymore. 😞

Hiii! I need someone experienced in house finch behavior to let me know if I seriously messed up because I’m feeling awful and panicking. We had a house finch nest in a bush outside our window for the past week that I’ve noticed them. I loved watching them grow and hearing their little peeps when momma bird would come and bring them food. I even put up a bird feeder to make it easier for her. Well today I was outside doing some yard work and noticed that the house finches in my yard were chirping like crazy and flying around. Then I see one of the babies about 20 feet from the nest hopping on the ground. It’s parents were flying frantically over it. I thought maybe it was knocked out of its nest so I picked it up and put it back in it’s nest and then noticed that the other 2 were gone as well and the nest was empty. I looked around and then saw the parents flying in circles farther away near my neighbors yard and saw another of the babies hopping in the ground. But this time when I tired to get it it actually flew! Only short distances, but it managed to get itself into a tree. Then the third baby I saw glide from a tree with its parents into the street. But then all it did was hop and a car came and almost hit it and all it could do was hop and fly/hop to the grass. So that one I caught and put back in the nest with the first one I had caught. Here’s where I’m nervous that I went wrong though: the whole time the parents were panicking and flying around above. I thought once I put them back in the nest the parents would come back once everything settled down even though the third baby was missing. But my husband said they were learning to fly and I just kidnapped them and essentially killed them now bc they’re lost from their parents. BUT then about 40 min later the momma bird came back to the nest…. But the baby birds were gone!!! And now the birds are still flying around frantically and chirping and the poor momma bird looks so distressed. Did I just doom these little birds, traumatize the mother bird, and prevent any birds from ever nesting near my house again 😭?

Heard this game get praised to almighty heaven so many times like no other games. I attempted to play the game 2 times when it first came out. Then decided to give the game another chance once the next gen version was out. Made myself finish the game in 40 hours and I can say it wasn't worth finishing the game at all.
One of the main things I can't stand about the game is the amount of dialogue interactions and cutscenes. So much talking back and forth. Character A: blah blah blah. Then Character B: blah blah blah and so on back and forth. stfu and let me play the game. I don't give a damn about watching tons of cutscenes and dialogue in a game. The only game that should have tons of dialogue back and forth is if you are trying to play telltale game which its main purpose is storytelling. The problem with witcher 3 is that it attempts to be storytelling game while having subpar gameplay mechanics. If you don't care that much about the "storytelling" in witcher 3, aka all the cutscenes and dialogue, the gameplay won't keep you hooked to finish the game. ai/movement is garbage and combat is dull. Let's be honest, majority of people who praise the witcher 3 game do so because of the story. Everybody agrees the gameplay is not as entertaining and could be much better. In fact, a majority of people who like the witcher 3 also like reading the novels. They play the game because they just like the story and lore in witcher 3 not because the actual gameplay is fun. I couldn't care less about how good the storytelling is if the gameplay is jank.
Now let's talk about the "storytelling" part. I know people say they like the witcher 3 because of the "storytelling" but I did not find what was so spectactular about the storytelling. In fact I believe the storytelling isn't even that strong. For instance, in the beginning of the game in velen, the game doesn't do a good job explaining who the Wild Hunt is, why they are after Ciri, and why it's so important to keep going after Ciri. After all, the main campaign is to find that special girl. I guess I was supposed to read the books to understand this?? Beginning of the game should be strong so someone can get hooked in and keep playing which the Witcher 3 doesn't. I keep hearing people say, "but it gets better when you get to the Baron part or when you play the DLC or when you play a 2nd time." Nobody says you should keep watching a movie if it only gets better near the middle. The same applies for games. Anyway, the game didn't even click for me despite finishing the entire game. I was trying to finish the game because I kept deluding myself that it will get better since people keep praising it as one the best game of all time. To my frustration, I finished the game but did not wholly enjoy it.
To add on, I don't really care about doing sidequests in a game and don't care how much content or how long the game is. People also praise the witcher because they say " it has 100+ hours of quality content". That's way too long for my taste. Part of the reason I didn't like so many cutscenes/dialogue is because it made the game go on too long for me. I like to finish a game in one sitting or over the weekend. I don't like having to take a break, play the game again and try to remember where I left off. It's okay if the sidequests are optional and add an extra 80 hours, but the main campaign goes on waayy to long and forces you to do some sidequests.

"...Brad owns a couple of Boston Pizza outlets himself, and he stands to inherit millions and millions of dollars someday. But still, he’s got a tremendous work ethic. When I was an assistant GM, I was known for always being on the road, turning up in one rink after another to scout players. But Brad may have outdone me. You’d see him at a college rink one day, then the next day you’d walk into an AHL rink, and he’d already be there. He worked like a dog. When the league was running the Phoenix Coyotes and Brad was part of the front office, Bill Daly used to rave about him, talking about how much he had his shit together.
"So, Brad was a great hire for us, not just in terms of his hockey IQ, but his values as well. He’s a good family guy. He’s fair with players and employees. He has a really big heart to go with a really big brain. He’s a joy to work with—we still text or talk to each other nearly every other day. We also have a similar vision of what winning hockey looks like. Brad doesn’t like it quite as crude as I like it, and he thinks the style of game I like is outdated—and to be fair, there’s some truth to that. But he’s a terrific person, and in Calgary we formed a very strong partnership."
Burke, Brian; Brunt, Stephen. Burke's Law (p. 278-279). Penguin Canada. Kindle Edition.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve been exclusive since the start. As time has gone on, his sex drive has dropped tremendously, which he is incredibly self-conscious about. It bothers me, but hey, we love each other and when we do have sex, it’s always great. Overall, my husband is very body-negative, and hypercritical of how he looks. He won’t even walk around without a shirt on inside our home. I’m the opposite. I’ll walk around the house nearly nude because he says he likes ir when I do, and I legitimately don’t care about being seen nude! My husband is very ‘vanilla’ when it comes to sex and has never had more than 1 partner in an encounter. I’m more adventurous (toys, etc) and have been involved in a couple of group encounters (none at all since we got together, and I’m ok with that). Cutting to the chase, we own a beautiful rural property about an hour from our home. We frequently invite friends and family to join us for camp outs, and always have a great time. Sometimes it’s just us, sometimes there’s 2-3 additional families/groups camping with us. A mutual friend/acquaintance of ours mentioned he likes to camp, so of course, my husband extended an invite. This friend is a college kid who we’ve known for several years, and he’s a great guy. He and my husband were texting back and forth about the property, and the friend brought up how he likes to sunbathe nude with his friends he usually camps with (male and female) and asked if there was anywhere on the property he could. My husband told him that there’s plenty of space and that if he wants, he was sure I’d join him. The friend replied that he’d try not to get aroused if I joined him. My husband started to wonder if the friend was trying to hint that he’s interested in us. Husband asked me if I’m ok with possibly doing something with the friend, to which I replied that I’m fine with it only if he (my husband) was ok with it too. I told my husband my limits with an outsider, and that our limits/ground rules needed to be made clear if we start to move toward any sexual activity with the friend. In this entire situation, my husband has been the one to make the suggestion that something might happen with the friend, and I’ve only responded with my potential interest. Sure, the thought of having a third join us for some fun is a bit arousing for me, and I made that clear to my husband. I also made it clear that I don’t want to have sex with the friend alone out there, and only wanted it if my husband was willing to join in. It won’t bother me if nothing happens while we’re camping. While I’m open to the idea, I don’t want anyone feeling pressured at all into doing something they don’t want to do, whether it’s myself, my husband, or our friend. At the same time, I wonder if an experience like this might help my husband break out of his shell and be more positive about himself, his body, and maybe even jumpstart his sex drive a bit?! Has anyone else experienced a similar situation where their SO has created the situation, hinted at your willingness to join, and then gotten to the verge of backing out while you sit there caught in the middle?
TL;DR Husband invites mutual acquaintance/friend to camp with us. Friend is a horny college student who just discovered he is bicurious. Husband and I both find friend incredibly attractive. Husband dropped hints to me that friend wants to have sex with us. Husband liked the idea at first, but seems skeptical now. I don’t care either way. If we’re all consenting, I don’t view it as an intruder into our relationship, husband struggles to grasp that concept.

Hi, I kinda need an objective perspective and advice from people that weren't involved. And asking random strangers on the internet seems as good a place as any. Sorry if this is a little long.
So some background; My father(?), Matt, and I have never gotten along well. In fact he hates me. I'm the product of an affair my mother had years ago. He did forgive her and as far I know they've had a fine-ish relationship since. My childhood was hell. My siblings got whatever they wanted. I didn't. Nothing I ever did was good enough, and I'd constantly be berated and insulted, but never anything physical. All my past relationships also went tits up in part because of him.
Due to all this I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and went minimum contact. (Minimum because I still loved my Mom, so inevitably I'd sometimes get in contact with him.)
When I was 21, I met and fell in love with my current boyfriend. We live together. The man has become my rock. He's helped build up my self-esteem and self-worth. He's caring, supportive, loving, handsome, and I find it difficult if not impossible to find any flaws.
A thing I've noticed early on is that he never gets angry. NEVER. (Important later.) For things that will 100% piss off anyone, he'll only get mildly annoyed, say something like "it can't be helped" or "such is life". Apparently it's because he practices something called taoism.
Over the last two years he's only met Matt a few times briefly, but he gets along with my mother and other relatives.
Hopefully that's enough backstory.
Now, the weekend two weeks back my mother invited us to a get-together with the entire family to celebrate my older sister's 30'th birthday.
I immediately declined, foreseeing a horrible outcome. You see, a thing about Matt is, he only gets courage to REALLY speak his mind when he's had a few drinks. Sober, it's mostly snarky remarks and pettiness. So given this history and the fact that I know there'll be alcohol at this event, I did NOT want to be anywhere near that vicinity.
But my mother was super insistent. Emphasizing how important it was to my sister that I be there. So with that, along with my boyfriend's assurance that he'll keep me safe if I wanted to go, regrettably, I caved.
So we went.
The first half was alright. I avoided that thing like the plague, and he stayed away from me. My sister and her husband looked so good and happy together. It was great to catch up with my grandparents and family members I haven't seen in a long time.
While I was getting lost dancing in my boyfriend's arms and talking, I felt really good and was happy we came.
After the dance though, my boyfriend excused himself and asked me if he could quickly go grab something from the car. I was a bit reluctant because we'd parked in a lot quite a distance away.
But I reckoned since Matt hasn't pulled any shit yet, he probably won't do anything. So let my boyfriend go.
As soon as he left, my mother and aunt approached me while Matt was kinda just lurking nearby. We talked about miscellaneous things and I was gushing about my boyfriend. My mother started asking about marriage and future kids. As a side note; none of my siblings or I had kids yet. That's when Matt for the first time, opened his mouth. "It would be good to finally have grandkids, even if they are from someone like you."
I should have just ignored it like all the other times he said shit about me, that was my mistake. I said something like "Keep dreaming old man, my children won't ever be near someone like you."
He gave me this look and said "what the fuck did you just say to me?"
I said "You fucking heard me." Then he tried to start with his usual insults, but I cut him off. I don't know what got into me, if i was just tipsy or what, but for the first time I spoke up for myself. I really layed into him about what a pathetic excuse for a father he was for treating me like he did my whole life, what a spineless hypocritical loser he was for always spouting crap about forgiveness when he always treated me like shit for something can't control. (he always liked to brag about what a better man he was for forgiving a cheating wife.)
Before I could say anymore, he grabbed by the shoulders, and violently started shaking me while shouting in my face, "Who are you talking to? You thing you can fucking talk to me like? You're nothing. Nothing! Your mother should have killed you before you were born!"
I burst into tears.
Nobody was doing anything to help me. I don't know if they were in shock or what, but I was really scared about what this lunatic would do.
That's when my boyfriend came back.
"Matthew!" he shouted. Everything went quiet. "What do you think you're doing?" Matt just froze and before he could respond, my boyfriend continued. "Let go of her now, or I'll fucking kill you."
It's hard to describe, but the look of fury in his face, and that coldness in his voice was really fucking terrifying. Everyone there including me, fully believed him. I don't know how, but it didn't come across like those bullshit threats people sometimes make. He was going kill him.
Matt looked about ready to shit himself. He dropped me like I was electrocuting him, and slowly backed away with his hands up.
My boyfriend didn't even have a weapon or anything, he was just glaring at him. Then he looked at me and his face softened. He held out his hand, and my own paralysis wore off. I ran into his arms, sobbing all the way back to our place.
He held me in bed as I asked him over and over again why did he leave me? He just kept apologizing with tears in his eyes. I finally asked what was so important that he had to get from the car. He gave me a sad smile and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box.
I just said "Yes, yes, yes!" as I cried again. I was just an emotional sobbing mess but was so happy something good at least came out of that day.
Now this is where things get a little crazy. For the next two weeks my mother, and other family members have been blasting my phone with messages concerned for my safety .
You see, while they agree that that thing was out of line, the situation has been twisted into my boyfriend being a psychopath. He is not! There's been a bunch of failed interventions, they even got some of my friends involved, and the police were even called once. Apparently no one can just switch personalities like that, that was the real him, he'll hurt me eventually, bla bla bla...
The whole thing has been stressing me out, and I've had several breakdowns. I don't even have the energy to be happy about my engagement. Sometimes I've even been questioning it myself. Are they right? Will he hurt me? I've never seen him like that, and for a moment it did scare me as well. But for fucks sake he just saw his girlfriend get attacked by someone, and now that fact has just been slid under the rug and forgotten by everyone.
My boyfriend even picked up on it and said he'll understand if I want us to take a break. I nearly broke down again and assured him he's the love of my life and I'll never leave him.
But now I'm just so fucking confused and can't think straight. The stress is killing me, and every time I think even for a second if everyone is right and I'm just seeing through rose tinted glasses, the guilt starts crushing me. It's all just getting too heavy.
What can I do? What advice can you all give me? Is there something I'm missing? Is everyone just gaslighting me? But for what reason?
If I can just get some guidance, advice, anything really, I'd deeply appreciate it. Thank you.

Hi! I currently have amanos, a mystery snail, and a betta.
I was going to get neos but I recently checked my water and I noticed the parameters are high. I've read it causes molt failures, but so far my amanos seem to be molting perfectly fine and I'm worried that if I got neos they may struggle.
Gh is around 120 Kh is between 180-300
I'm using strips since the api kh and gh test isn't available near me (I have the api master kit though)
Will these parameters hurt any of my current residents and my potential future ones?