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The best help for Bedbugs on Reddit

2014.07.19 20:13 The best help for Bedbugs on Reddit

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2023.06.03 19:12 Midnightchickover CMV:If trans healthcare for children is banned on the grounds of being “experimental and dangerous to minors,” then conversion therapy should doubly be outlawed, entirely with zero exceptions for minors.

If the idea that children are harmed through gender affirming care, then why would conversion therapy be allowed. It’s essentially the same thing, based on the arguments and legislation used to limit or potentially ban trans-healthcare by lawmakers. themselves.
Gender (& sexuality) has created some highly contentious debates for decades and how it should be assessed or regulated in society. [1](ttps://www.who.int/europe/health-topics/gender) For this argument, trans-healthcare equates a person seeking to “change, reverse, or correct” their gender identity or biological sex assignment at birth.2 3
I can argue that, unlike trans-healthcare that conversion therapy is often against the child’s will and involves many controversial procedures, especially in regards to physical safety. I could very well argue that some of the procedures are clearly torture. “Some right-wing religious groups promote the concept that an individual can change their sexual orientation or gender identity, either through prayer or other religious efforts, or through so-called ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’ therapy.” The research on such efforts has disproven their efficacy, and also has indicated that they are affirmatively harmful.
Beyond studies focused solely on reparative therapy, broader research clearly demonstrates the significant harm that societal prejudice and family rejection has on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people, particularly youth. 4. Even, within the United Nations, an expert on sexual orientation and gender, Victor Madrigal-Borloz believes a global ban should be placed on the very common practice of “reparative therapy.”5. The practices of torture can include corporeal punishment; solitary confinement; “…showing the patient homoerotic images; providing electric shocks; having the individual snap an elastic band around the wrist when aroused by same-sex erotic images or thoughts; using shame to create aversion to same-sex attractions; orgasmic reconditioning; and satiation therapy. Other techniques include trying to make patients’ behavior more stereotypically feminine or masculine, teaching heterosexual dating skills, using hypnosis to try to redirect desires and arousal, and other techniques—all based on the scientifically discredited premise that being LGBT is a defect or disorder.” 6
Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Nebraska, Oklahoma, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Utah, and Arizona have all banned gender affirming care for children. Mostly, on the grounds that the practices are not only harmful and abusive towards children, but has expressed arguments that “trans-healthcare” is “experimental, pseudoscience, and influenced by radical social changes,” mostly to gender norms and attitudes about sexuality.” Some bills authored the words of “sexual reassignment surgery,” in these builds, even though complete SRS is very uncommon amongst minors. 7.
Though, many states, such as Florida, Missouri, and Texas have also passed other anti-LGBTQ measures, such as cracking down on gender nonconformity; reporting minors to their parents or social services, or if they show symptoms of being “not only trans, but also exhibiting non-hetero normative behavior, such as gender nonconformity or showing interests in the same sex.” Some state laws go as far as removing “children from their homes” for their parents seeking “gender affirming therapy,” “exhibiting behaviors that go against gender identity norms,” or “even being out as a gay, lesbian, trans-, nonbinary, or queer person.” Some bills allow for parents, family, guardians, teachers, mentors, or any neighbors who encourage or provide support to these youth’s identities to be investigated or prosecuted themselves on the grounds of “child abuse.” As states, like Wisconsin continue to allow conversion therapy to exist for LGBTQ children, through workaround laws.[17}(https://www.nbc15.com/2023/03/14/wisconsin-bill-seeks-prevent-ban-conversion-therapy/?outputType=amp)
On the other hand, all of the nation’s leading professional medical and mental health associations have rejected “conversion therapy” as unnecessary, ineffective, and dangerous. 6 For reasons that have already been discussed, many states on the West Coast and the North East US have banned both state and federal funding for “reparative therapy, as some have went further to completely banned the practice for the entire state.
Here arises the problem, many states do not have any legislation at all in regards to “conversion or reparative therapy.” Of the states that were previously mentioned: Idaho, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, Tennessee, and Kentucky do not have bans on conversion therapy. Although, many anti-child “conversion” therapy bills have been proposed, oftentimes they don’t have the support to get through the state legislature or was vetoed by the sitting governors of the time.8
In the more unique case, Alabama, Georgia, and Florida (with exceptions of a few South Florida counties) have made the efforts to ban the practice, as unconstitutional. Yes, it’s unconstitutional to ban conversion therapy, even if it involves minors. In states, like Florida, the topic of “conversion therapy” is phrased with words, like “free-speech,” “religious or personal beliefs, "or “protected speech- 1st amendment.” 9
Mat Straver, founder of the Liberty Counsel expressed the sentiments of the ban being struck down in the city of Tampa, earlier this year, release. “This is a great victory for counselors and their clients. Counselors and clients have the freedom of their choice and be free of political censorship from government-mandated speech.” 10
Judge Britt Grant, writing for the majority, cited a 2009 report from the American Psychological Association that found there had been a complete lack of “rigorous recent prospective research” on the practice. 11
Grant wrote, “We understand and appreciate that the therapy is highly controversial. But the First Amendment has no carveout for controversial speech. 11
Even though, “aversion, reparative, or conversion therapy” has a well-documented history of being more harmful than helpful to the patient, as well as resulting in consequences, such as “self-harm,” “lower self-esteem,” or “suicidal tendencies.”11
12 Furthermore, the practice of “conversion therapy” is treated as “a benign,” “useful,” and most of all, a very private personal…family matter. One that pertains to one’s personal religion or beliefs.
Though, trans healthcare has largely been effective for nearly all trans people or those questioning their gender assignment or identity as minors or adults. It’s not to say “de-transistioning individuals” don’t exist or are not valid, because they do need a voice and should be heard. But, it’s not a majority nor close to an even split in satisfaction rates, just as a person returning to their assigned gender identity at birth is unlikely. Following regret or dissatisfaction rates, trans healthcare has been shown to be highly effective in therapy, mediation, and medical treatment, as “regret” is common in nearly every treatment, procedure, or approaches to therapy.1314 15
The evidence that trans-healthcare is safe for children far outweighs the safety of conversion therapy for minors or lack thereof.16.
In the belief of the profound grey area, most religious institutions do not have a pointed belief or support against the existence of transgender people on the basis of “direct religious text” instruction. Meaning no holy book, scripture, or historical reference have deliberated the existence of transgender people, nor nonbinary, intersex, and other types of LGBTQ people with explicit instructions or commands.
Still, many state legislatures have taken upon itself, as well as its constituency to enforce policies and regulations upon many trans and other LGBTQ people on the grounds that their gender identities or sexuality is not only dangerous to themselves, but to the general public. It’s framed as if this is not what the child or family wants, nor the support of the education or community, but what legislators believe is best. Is child welfare, safety, and support actually the primary concern?
  1. https://www.who.int/europe/health-topics/gender
  2. https://opa.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/2022-03/gender-affirming-care-young-people-march-2022.pdf
  3. https://www.who.int/europe/health-topics/gender
  4. https://www.hrc.org/resources/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapy
  5. https://www.ohchr.org/en/stories/2020/07/conversion-therapy-can-amount-torture-and-should-be-banned-says-un-expert
  6. https://bornperfect.org/facts/#q2
  7. https://abcnews.go.com/amp/US/map-gender-affirming-care-targeted-us/story?id=97443087 8.https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_U.S.\_jurisdictions\_banning\_conversion\_therapy
  8. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-conversion-therapy/florida-bans-on-conversion-therapy-for-children-voided-by-u-s-appeals-court-idUSKBN28029C
  9. https://floridaphoenix.com/2023/02/03/u-s-appeals-court-strikes-tampas-ban-on-conversion-therapy-as-unconstitutional
  10. https://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta-news/atlanta-based-federal-court-cant-ban-lgbtq-youth-conversion-therapy/L4QLKM4XO5AN5HZKGU74M3YA5U
  11. https://www.history.com/news/gay-conversion-therapy-origins-19th-century
  12. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5040471
  13. https://opa.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/2022-03/gender-affirming-care-young-people-march-2022.pdf
  14. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-the-science-on-gender-affirming-care-for-transgender-kids-really-shows/?amp=true
  15. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/political-minds/202201/the-evidence-trans-youth-gender-affirming-medical-care
  16. https://www.nbc15.com/2023/03/14/wisconsin-bill-seeks-prevent-ban-conversion-therapy/?outputType=amp
submitted by Midnightchickover to changemyview [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 19:09 LadyStormLove TIFU..How I Lost my LOVE LIFE in One Weekend...

CHARACTERS:
MR. L: (STBXH) 20yrs known/7yrs married (3yrs separated) father of my only child. Contentious but now amicable. Love of my old life.
MR. A: Current BF of 2.5 yrs (now ex, because of me), wonderful, fantastic, love of my new life. Amazing.
STORY: My kid's HS grad weekend. Everything is wonderful, MR. L and I are getting along, everyone family flew in. Everything is happy. Nostalgic and bittersweet. Good times. Drinking involved.
After all events, sit down with MR. L in our former home, drinking and talking, more drinking, and laughs reminiscing, about our lives together, pending divorce, our kid, etc...
At some point, things get heavy, hugging, kissing, then a handjob attempt, stopped before things escalated. No other sexual acts. We both realized we can't do this. Won't replace all the hurt, anger, pain of the past....need to focus on the next chapter of our lives..more hugging and then crying... mourning the end of our marriage, peace, etc.....MR. L flies out next morning...gone...
Now, later, the next day. Still drunk (been drinking all weekend) I realize I fucked up with STBXH. Inappropriate very much so, im still "intact" though..
Panic...texted MR. A, to confess. Unavailable. Wait. Get reply from MR. A, drunkenly but im able to text ok..., tell my sins with MR. L, my talks with MR. L., how I am now able to move on with MY LIFE (I know MR. A took this out context to mean my life alone w/o him) I'm finishing the divorce papers and getting the house. I can't ask him to understand, but I felt powerful, so I took that power. I got closure. I knew I needed to tell him everything immediately, I love him, but made a mistake...just this one time, it's just for me (meaning pls excuse this just for me), but MR. A, I know prob misunderstood my whole text as selfish (I was) and no remorse (I am soo very remorseful and regret)...I reread my texts later, sober, I sound so out of character...MR. A was probably shocked....
So, ofc no response, blocked, ghosted dumped by MR. A. and now we are up to the present... I have been sending messages, I have anxiety attacks. Silence. Nothing. I lost MR. A. 😞
Don't know what to do, but I have not drank since then (11 days now) Can't entirely blame the alcohol, but definitely a factor, I always been a heavy drinker..but I need to be accountable for my actions...thats why this is on my main account..not a throwaway...yup. FML. I know its drama...
TL;DR...Alcohol and careless/reckless behavior cost me a great love. Now I'm alone...
Edit 1: Haven't seen/rarely spoken to MR.L in almost 3yrs (lives in another state) he came only for the grad.. really think we got swept up in our kid's graduation and kid being all grown up now. So it was emotional....
MR.A left state 3 months ago, to another state, we was trying the LDR thing with us...
Edit 2: Most told me to take it to my grave. Yes, maybe. But I rob MR. A of choice, then everything would be a lie. I love him to tell the truth, I thought honesty would at least get me audience with MR. A to discuss, even to end it. But ghosting was his choice.
Edit 3: Women forgive more than Men, though I hope one day MR. A can forgive me. This is not a repeat pattern of behavior for me. This is a one time mistake. My gaurd was down, due to long past history with MR. L, and the milestone for our kid. Getting the divorce finalized (been filed over a year ago) will be the final tie cut.
submitted by LadyStormLove to tifu [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 19:07 NoConcert3036 Child Custody/Parental Alienation Help

I’m looking for help on my child custody situation. I have this really spiteful baby mom who I’m on a shared custody order with right now. To be honest we’ve both been violating our custody order in an effort to follow one that works for us. These last few weeks she has been holding my child from me. I’ve been reaching out daily to try and speak to him but she ignores my messages. When she does respond, she usually says shit like “go die”, “your not seeing your child until court”. Mind you I pose no threat to my child, I even got a police escort to pick him up and she lied to the police about having a PFA against me for 2 years just for me to find out from the officer that there wasn’t a PFA against me. When my child seen me they tried running to me and she refused for them to see me which made them start crying. I got a police report on her from the officer that escorted me. I got hella screenshots of her denying me my child and sending me threats as well. Mind you she getting child support from me and keep sending my child back with the same dirty, holy clothes for weeks. I know to file for contempt in court but I want to know how likely is the judge to punish her ? I don’t want her to get a slap on the wrist because it will only enable her behavior & she will continue to do it. I’m an active father I don’t want to be going through this shit.
submitted by NoConcert3036 to PhillyWiki [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 19:06 Penny-Bun My mom texted me on mother's day to congratulate me on my new job

TW: CSA, covert incest (I think?), general emotional and physical abuse by a parent, brief mention of suicide and self harm
I don't know. I'm still fucking thinking about it. I wish I wasn't. I want a motherly figure in my life. I kind of have one with my girlfriend's mom but I have a hard time leaning on people for support (hyper independence) so even though I see her as my mom more than my own mom, it's still hard to call on her for the kind of support I wish I had in my life to fall back on if I needed it. Y'all get it.
This woman (my bio mom) did so much shit to me and I always feel like my trauma isn't valid because even though I didn't REALLY go to therapy (about a year of spending $80 an hour to talk about our pets, friends, and interests) I think I cope with my trauma well enough. There's been periods of my life where I'm CONVINCED I have cptsd (undiagnosed), but then there's been times like the last two years where I think maybe I'm not that traumatized after all.
My own roommate got diagnosed with PTSD from WEED and I worry that being sexually abused as a child left me with less scars than that. How does that make any fucking sense?
TW ahead again. Your last warning. I'm not shy about talking about my abuse and I kind of just need to list it so I can feel vindicated in my hatred for this bitch.
This woman used to grab me by the arms as a toddler so hard she would leave bruises. And she would beat my legs so hard that she left hand shaped welts/bruises that would last into the weekend when my grandma would come and pick me up. I distinctly remember hearing my grandma say, "If I see another mark on that baby I'm taking her for myself."
According to her, she walked in on my brother sexually abusing me and what did she do? Ground him. Nothing more. She didn't send him to live with grandparents or take any measure to separate us. He's 10 years older than me, he knew better. My brother says he never did that and I don't remember it but even if he didn't...why would my mom tell me that? Did she fucking dream it? Or am I trying to make excuses for her? If she believes it happened why the fuck didn't she protect me? I get it that he's your child, too, but...what message does that send to me?
She spent hours, not kidding, HOURS every day screaming at me. I've never known someone who could scream so hard for so long. And it wasn't even always over me, it was over anything. One time she screamed herself into having a seizure when she was losing her lid for the 78th time that month at my brother. But she screamed mostly while I did the PLETHORA of chores she assigned to me. I couldn't even vacuum to get away from it because she would follow me around and scream louder to be heard over the fucking vacuum noise. I 100% was her verbal punching bag. She called me retarded once because I used a serrated knife to cut cheese and not a smooth one. I wasn't allowed to go to my room to decompress after school. I had to come home, start getting bitched at, spend 2 or 3 hours doing chores, and then after that I STILL COULDN'T LEAVE. She would force me to be social like I had to stay in the living room WITH HER because she was lonely and I couldn't even wear headphones or be fully absorbed in my phone or laptop because I had to pay half attention to whatever show she was watching so she could talk to me about it. Ugh.
I think she permanently fucked my sleep schedule because I would stay up for hours after she went to sleep to just absorb as much alone and quiet time as I possibly fucking could. I'm a night owl SO BAD now. Even with a job that requires me to do so I canNOT wake up early.
She got a switch from her rose bush one time and beat me with it (with thorns) so bad across the back of my legs that I was bleeding. When she learned I had been cutting myself she asked what my fucking problem was.
She would write letters to her own abusers and make me read them and critique them. Pages long, 3 or 4 pages sometimes, front and back, handwritten and rewritten and rewritten and rewritten and I would have to read every single one and give my thoughts on it and then she'd just never goddamn send it. (This is the covert incest I'm not sure about. I don't even treat my current partners like that but she would make me take on the role of her emotional support. Idk if it counts. She was never creepy about my body.)
This is the woman who pulled down the pants AND underwear of her sexually abused child daughter to spank my ass in front of my BROTHER. Even if she's lying to me or something and my brother never molested me, my other brother's fucking uncle did and I 100% know that for a fact. There was no excuse to expose the genitals of a traumatized child against her will to a grown man. She spanked me over grades. Grades. I made like, a D.
This is the woman that busted in on me naked to scream at me over some dumb shit and didn't leave when I told her to.
This is the woman who leaned over my shoulder while I was doing the dishes to scream in my ear a few days after my lifelong best friend's girlfriend killed herself.
This is the woman who forced her atheist daughter to follow her around the house spreading holy water while she prayed in tongues because I liked the band Disturbed and she thought I was possessed by a demon.
This is the woman who hit me in the face with a pack of cigarettes because she couldn't find them and they were obscured by a roll of paper towels from my point of view. I was a highschooler at that point.
I was her therapist, her verbal punching bag, sometimes her physical punching bag, her only friend and confidant. All against my will. And we hadn't talked in years. And she knew I didn't want to.
And she texted me on mother's day to congratulate me about my new job.
submitted by Penny-Bun to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 19:04 Throwaway-1565 Why is life so hard

It all started in December of last year. Work was really begining to slow down. Me and my wife were at the lowest in our relationship. And the snow had just started to come down thick.
I had spent the last 3 years fostering a relationship with my wife. We were young when we had our first child. And I had promised to help support them. We decided to get married before having our next child.
After our second one was born. Life seemed to just stop. The whole world moving by at light speed but for me everyday was a grueling and long experience. Yet nothing got better.
We struggled financially and at times had no money. I tried my best to maintain the relationship. And in the end she chose another man. It had been a month now that I was unemployed.
I tried to convince her to come back but she shut me and the kids out. So I ran I ran all the way back home thinking I could just put this all behind me. Thinking that maybe this would all go away.
Last month I started talking to a new girl. She's sweet and kind makes me smile and makes the world feel just a little bit warmer. But everytime I think we're getting close. The world starts to slow down and sink into the ground.
Almost like the darkness is waiting wanting to pull me down into the abyss. I just want this depression to go away. I just want to wake up happy. But alas nobody cares enough to understand what I am going through. So I just smile watching the world as it slowly crumbles.
Tldr; my life fucking sucks and while I tried to commit suicide before I don't want to now. I just want to be left alone. I don't want anyone to talk to me or even support me.
submitted by Throwaway-1565 to depression [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:56 Crissycrossycross I hate myself! I am just like them! I’ll never ever forgive myself for what I’ve done.

Please don’t tell me I didn’t fuck up. I take full responsibility that what I did was wrong. My sister called me because she saw me heading out and she told me “please don’t use my car” in a completely calm and soothing voice. I yelled and said “you’re only speaking to me in a nice way because your friend is here right?”. She said “yeah”. I said “excuse me? You’re only speaking to me nicely to appear good in front of your friend?”. She said “yeah. Yeah. Bye now”. I said “I’ll embarrass you in front of her. I swear. I’ll fucking show you”.
I called her again and told her how much I hated her and kept sending her text messages dissing her. Until I finally had enough and knocked hard on the outdoor glasshouse her friend and her were sitting in and opened the door and told her to fucking answer my phone and why won’t she answer my question honestly and to stop changing the subject. My sister was red in the face. I could see how much I broke her. I didn’t even say hi to her friend or acknowledge her existence. I just went in and emptied my anger at my sister. She was embarrassed.
She texted me that she’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done. I’m sorry. I really am. Why can’t I admit it? I just played the victim after and texted her saying why she has to treat me that way and she said “because you treat me like shit”. I’m angry because she never once talked to me in a nice way unless she wants something. She’s a golden child. I’m truly sorry. I feel like shit. No one in this house loves me or cares about me. Im the scapegoat. They all hate me even my younger sister. I’m scared to go home because if she told my mom I’m sure she’ll beat me hard like the last time she left me with broken bones, hair ripped from my scalp, and marks on my body.
What should I do…
submitted by Crissycrossycross to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:55 raven_0_3 I'm isolating myself from the people I'd need the most right now.

For context: I (19) have a longer history of mental struggles and made lots of bad experience in life. As a child I always felt different and as I do not really belong anywhere. I already needed lots if time for myself did not socialize much and people around me always gave me the feeling that something is wrong with me like I'm acting weird or like I'm too sensitive or emotional in lots of situation. My mother often made me feel weird or silly and I made experiences with being excluded by people my age. On top I also got physical problems because of chronic illness which weren't diagnosed for a long time and got worse. Because all of my problems people implied that I'm a burden I also often got the feeling that it is my fault that I'm causing all this struggle and I began to think about myself as a bad person. I moved out of my mother's house at the age of 17 because the situation escalated and I became more careful with who I call my friends. The time I moved out I got lots of support from my teachers and friends who did not blame my for anything that went wrong because of my physical health and mental struggles and I learned to accept myself a little bit more and care about my needs. The last month things got worse again. One and a half year ago I needed to repeat the schoolyear so I got in a new class which was lager than my old one and I did not know anybody. I still had my friends who supported me but things got more complicated. Then half a year ago my health got worse again and there where a few incidents at school. Nothing I could have controled but it interrupted the lessons and I was told that it would distract my classmates from their graduation. I had severe difficulties to deal with the struggles my health caused me and the doctors did not really help me again even after I needed an ambulance. I was very desperate and felt left alone. The next month I also had my final exams and it was a real struggle. I got pretty negative thoughts again some of the worst one where like "it would be better for everyone if I would end everything" or "nobody truly likes me or will ever like me I do not even belong to this world". In this time a also felt ignored by one of my friends and talked to her later and she was really sorry about it. The reason was that she got into a relationship and had her whole attention there but because she seemed to be really sorry I wanted not to think about it too much. Right now I do not have regular school anymore because the exams are almost over so I'm only irregularly in school and have lots of time. I spend lots of this time alone and I can feel how the isolation damages me. Earlier I sometimes called friends when things got too bad and I needed someone to talk and mostly they where very supportive. Now I'm isolating myself more and more. I also struggle because I deal with a really difficult aspect of my past in therapy right now. It's about the relationship to my dad and that he was the most important person in my life but got me often in situations that where dangerous or caused me pain. But back to my friends: I have currently very negative thoughts about myself and the relation to other people. I thought that ot would be good for me to contact someone because I feel how being lonely affects my mental health. I got more struggle to sleep and my sensory issues got so bad that being at a place with more people is really hard to stand. I had sensory issues my whole life but right now I'm even much more sensitive because the stuff that goes on in my head already overwhelms me so everything around me is just way too much. The days I went to school the last weeks (to prepare for my exams or organize other stuff) I sometimes met some of my friends and they asked if I'm okay because I probably acted more weird than usual. I just told them that everything's alright because it would have been to much for me to talk honestly in this situation but of course I could barely deal with the situation. Even though loneliness affects me in a bad way I'm barely able to socialize. The bad thoughts taking over. I feel worthless and sometimes think that those people do not really like me and that I only get attention because they feels pity for me or they feel like they need to talk to me because of social convention. I started to feel bad by contacting them because I thought I might annoy them or wasting their time and that I'm not worth it to get any attention. I'm also often afraid of making them angry or upset with anything I do. I also know that some mental illness like depression or social anxiety can make you think in this way of yourself and other people even if there is no reason to think like that about the situation. I'm just very confused right now and do not know what I should do or think about that. I'm kind of hating myself for my weird behavior. I think that it could really help me to have more contact so I do not feel so lonely anymore but I also have all of this negative thoughts and feelings and even if they might not be appropriate they are there and I do not know what I can do against it.
submitted by raven_0_3 to Truthoffmychest [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:55 BlissfulBlueBell It's 2023 and you still have people demonizing others for not wanting/having kids

All the traumatized people in the world, children without homes. WHY would you pressure a person who doesn't want kids into having them? Why would you encourage the risk of a child being brought into this world being unwanted and emotional neglected at best, and physically or sexually abused at worse??
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids. And I don't agree with vicious child free people who call children crotch goblins either. But there's nothing wrong with no wanting to have children. I don't understand how not wanting kids gets you deemed as selfish.
Isn't it more selfish to bring children here, who don't have a choice to be here, for no other reason than just wanting to leave your mark on the earth? Personally, I know I would make for a shitty mom. I don't like the state of the planet, and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best person for even another adult to come to for support. Let alone a child who will need me for nearly every single day of their life until they're 18.
Parenting doesn't just end when they grow up either. You will continue worry about your child (if you you're a parent that actually gives a damn) until you die. That is just a responsibility that I know I can't take on. I don't think we should be pressuring people to have kids when they know they don't want them. It's going to hurt everyone in involved. ESPECIALLY the child.
Rant over.
submitted by BlissfulBlueBell to rant [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:54 Confused_and_afraid1 Santa: *comforts a dying child* Christians: YOU’RE GOING TO BURN IN HELL AND SO IS SHE!!!!

Santa: *comforts a dying child* Christians: YOU’RE GOING TO BURN IN HELL AND SO IS SHE!!!! submitted by Confused_and_afraid1 to insanepeoplefacebook [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:49 Legal_Elk1350 Child Support Case

My ex-husband, who is a cop, friendly with all of the local judges in the area, and non-custodial parent, may have lied in court to cover his tracks on how much he gets paid to have lower child support payments. Is there a way I can confirm my theory about him lying in court and making more than what he stated? Can the judge take out childcare since my youngest only needed it occasionally?
submitted by Legal_Elk1350 to ChildSupport [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:48 dumpfiya_12 Is limerence just symptom to an underlying issue?

I've had my limerence in the past, but my 2 most recent LO has been the most intense. I went on for a while without limerence until I started working at current office job. I feel like lack emotional support as a child and introvertism holds me back from connecting with others may trigger limerence. What can I do to improve this?
submitted by dumpfiya_12 to limerence [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:46 goleafsgo855 Common law partner not contributing

My common law partner, and mother of my child refuses to contribute to any of the household expenses, even while working fulltime.
While she was off on mat leave, I paid for her cellphone, insurance, car payment, and every other household expense since she wasn't working.
Fast forward 2 years, , and she's back to work full time, , but still refuses to contribute to ANY of the household expenses. Groceries, rent, utility bills, her cellphone, insurance, car payment, vet bills of our dog, family activities etc. Any attempt to bring it up turns into a huge fight.
How screwed am I if I decide to leave her? A few of my friends have suggested I'm probably better off staying, and paying for everything since alimony and child support will end up costing way more.
I've spoken to a lawyer, but they weren't able to tell me much other then I "might" have to pay alimony, depends on the judge.
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2023.06.03 18:45 atryan92121 Different finances/lifestyles step kid vs bio

Hi! I’ll try to make this as short as possible w/ some history. My husband and I have an almost 2 year old daughter and potentially more kids in the future and my husband has a daughter, 9 years old, from a previous relationship. They were never married, dated for a few months and she got pregnant and they broke up shortly after my SD was born. We’ve been together since my SD was a year old. She primarily lives w/ her mom and we have her every other weekend, has always been this way although we’ve been to court 3x for more time but lost. My husband pays his child support. Her mom is not well off by any means, they live in a very small house about 30 min away and cannot afford much. Her mom never went to school, works from home, single and seemingly doesn’t aspire to do much. They don’t own a house and from my knowledge from my SD and from what I’ve seen their rented house is very dirty, don’t have nice things, etc. All of which makes us so sad for her and we’ve tried to do what we can to change it but we’ve learned we really cannot change that and can’t control how her mother raises her. We are as close as we can be with my SD But she has some pretty extreme behavioral problems and so many issues in school with her behavior that have progressively gotten worse over time. BM is on a completely different page regarding helping SD and our rules totally differ so unfortunately it feels like SD is often in “trouble” at our house although it’s not intentional, we just do not allow certain behaviors and follow through on our word. My husband created his own business a few years ago and it is growing rapidly and we are financially doing extremely well. My husband has always had a good job and the difference financially between himself and BM has always been prevalent but now that the kids are getting older it has me thinking. We are moving into a much larger home than we have now, live in a beautiful town well to-do with great schools and where my SD lives is very different. None of this is to toot our own horn but rather paint the picture so I can get some realistic feedback. So I guess my questions are how to explain this difference to my SD in how/where she primarily lives and where/how we live and how she’ll see her sister grow up. How to go about buying things for each of them when SD has another parent who’s also financially responsible for her? Buying cars? There is going to be a big lifestyle difference between the two and although my husband is well off and can/wants to buy his daughter nice things, do we do all of that without splitting costs with BM and even though we don’t see SD full time? None of these things have been relevant yet but now that SD’s getting older, almost 10, she’s getting to the age of nice phones, laptops, clothes, etc. preteens who want everything haha. I hope this makes any sense and someone can relate!
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2023.06.03 18:44 silver_indigo Feeling confused as to whether I was abused & what to do

This is a really difficult post because it’s just hard to comprehend let alone articulate my thoughts but I’ll give it my best shot. I’m a 22 year old female who has just graduated university and am living with my mum until I start my MSc in September. Living with my mother again has been triggering me a lot - I’ve found myself very angry and feeling hatred towards her and I couldn’t figure why until I started reflecting on my childhood after seeing posts in this forum.
I’m going to keep this as brief as possible but this is my background. I was born when my mother & father were living with my grandmother (father’s mothers) whom he had an extremely unhealthy Co-dependent relationship with. There is no doubt in my mind now that my father was extremely emotionally abusive and controlling towards my mother. It was a terrible relationship dynamic to grow up around and both me and my sister prayed that they’d divorce because my mother was extremely depressed as a result of their marriage (I don’t blame her for this, it was awful). I do get really angry that my mum didn’t stand up for my sister and I sooner tho (she waited until I was 15 before leaving) and that she forces us to have a relationship with him/still respects him. He treated her like garbage (didn’t let her see her family, forced us to live with his mother, didn’t do any parenting, gave up work because he didn’t like it and left my mum to be the sole breadwinner etc etc).
I feel awful. Feel like such a victim blamed for holding resentment towards my mum for this. But it’s more that she didn’t stand up for ME. I had severe severe anxiety and depression issues as a child (first on medication at 14) undoubtedly borne out of my home situation. I had to sleep with my mother as a child because I had such severe anxiety and rather than help my dad resented me for it. He would act cold towards me, openly complain and accuse me of ruining his sex life (he’d be quite graphic about this), and even hit me (one point to the time of being winded) and my mum sat by and watched all of this and said nothing. Even now she won’t acknowledge it and forces me to have a relationship with him. When she did divorce him when I was 15 she sat him down at the kitchen table with me and said she was getting a divorce because I was so unhappy and they have both multiple times told me it was my fault (the divorce happened after I’d been out of school suicidal for two years and my mum had had enough at my behaviour).
Maybe I could forgive my parents if after their divorce and as I’ve become an adult things had become better. They have in some ways - no direct abuse, don’t have to see my father as much but also worse in others. My mum is very depressed and has a severe eating disorder that she won’t acknowledge and it has had a major effect on me and my relationship with food. She has no life, no friends, no hobbies - she just works a respectable job and sits at home and watches TV the rest of the time. She still will blow up occasionally and remind me of how my childhood felt - I had spilled some makeup on my bedroom carpet recently and a three hour screaming match and hysterical sobbing ensued. I just find myself resenting her and feel awful for it - she thinks we are really close and I am undoubtedly her best and only friend.
As for my dad, as I’ve got older he’s bought up things that make me feel uncomfortable as a girl. He talks about his sex life to me - berates my mum for not having enough sex with him when married and also enquires a lot about my sex life. He just seems to think quite sexually in situations where it wouldn’t cross a normal persons mind. Recently I’ve started having this awful feeling that he sexually abused me as a child - I have no evidence for this so would never accuse or admit this to anyone. It’s just a weird lingering feeling that I have — I seem to be able to imagine it happening very easily and also am aware that I have virtually no memory of my childhood which I know is common when something traumatic has happened. I’m scared I might be making this up though and if so I don’t want to falsely resent my dad.
My parents are finding my masters so I feel awful about cutting them off but it’s what I really feel like I need to do -at least for a couple of years. they just don’t accept either of them have don’t anything wrong ever. I guess I just wanted to rant because I’ve never expressed any of these feelings before.
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2023.06.03 18:44 National_Nectarine22 Mental illness

I am.100% convinced shay has some form of mental illness I know I shouldn't defend her and I am definitely not defending her but at the same time I feel like she is suffering from some form of traumatic events that happened in her life . I can sense alot of her pain and I am not saying her behavior or lifestyle is acceptable but I feel like she is suffering from some form of a mental illness and she needs a genuine person in her life who is going to support her and be there for her and maybe she can get some counseling or therapy. It's very much obvious this girl needs some help shes rasing 2 little boys on her own has no support from any family member and is also suffering mentally. As a fellow black woman suffering from depression and anxiety and raising a child on my own(being a single parent was not my choice) and having to deal with past trauma and lifes daily struggles i am really crying for her. I am sorry if it sounds like I am defending her I am definitely not but as human beings we go through pain in life and it shapes our thinking and behavior. I am going to continue to pray for her and hope that she changes for the best because only God can change her. I hope everyone finds it in there heart to understand where I am coming from and not bash me for my comment
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2023.06.03 18:43 RemarkableTone4269 ABYG for not wanting to skip my sister's wedding after she physically assaulted then gaslighted me?

My sister who's the golden child and thinks she is always right and makes me feel like I am a burden and a failure is getting married soon.
BG: My marriage failed. It was a narcissistic discard after 7 years, and my family has not been supportive of me. How do you explain psych and emo abuse to a family that don't believe in mental health issues?
But last week, she was not minding her own business and started an altercation with me when the original issue doesn't really concern her.
She was literally barking at my face, and I repeatedly told her that I didn't want to talk to her. I had to prepare to leave the house as well.
I kept my distance (2.5 meters away), because she was just being louder and aggressive. And I started covering my ears. And started making noises because I didn't know what to do with this person who is bulldozing my boundaries and being aggressive with me.
Then she jumped me, started hitting me. I tried to defend myself by just pushing her away. Then, when someone came in, she acted like the aggrieved party, claiming a hurt shoulder when she was on top of me the whole time.
She claims that she was in pain, but still kept on shouting so hard, trying to justify what she did.
She said I am not her family and a "whoever you are". She has said this many times before as well.
She said she will side with my ex and recruit my family to speak against me in court. She has said this many times before as well.
Then she texted the lawyer who is helping me with my case that I am an asshole and didn't deserve his help.
My sister admits to initiating being physical but that "she was more hurt" I am wrong. My family thinks I deserve to get beaten cause she did it for my mother.
ABYG for not going? AITA for getting her hurt whilst defending myself from her unexpected outburst and attack?
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2023.06.03 18:41 Kewlchyck Child support back pay

2 years ago, my husband and I took on full time care of his 2 children (13M & 16M) the older child is special needs with intillectual disability and will need parental care all his life. The mother of the children was dealing with drug addiction and a toxic marriage. She has since left the marriage and appears to be off the drugs. She moved 2.5 hours away to move in with her boyfriend and has been consistent with picking up the children every second weekend. She is not really involved in parenting but does see her children. She has not paid child support and we didn't push the issue at first to give her time to get her life in order. We started asking last year when she obtained employment and she gives numerous excuses as to why she cannot provide support. One of her excuses is that my husband didn't consistently pay child support to her (there was never a court order or marriage between them, he recalls missing some months but not sure how many). We are considering legally persuing a child support order. My question is how far back in the province on NB does the court look at for back child support. My husband can order bank statements to see how much he missed, we are just not sure how far to go back. If he has missed more than 2 years we would not request back support from her to be fair. Does anyone know how far back we should be calculating?
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2023.06.03 18:39 Hobo_squirrel Yeah nah I don’t want to take care of the kid I’m 15 f that bro

I think I convinced her to put the lil shit up for adoption when the fucker pops out hope she sticks to it because I don’t want no child support
submitted by Hobo_squirrel to teenagers [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:31 DegenerateStoner710 38 [M4F] #NewJersey looking for my forever person, so over apps and bots

***Hello,As so many on here demand, when sending your FIRST DM please include your Name, Location, Age and a photo. Please do not just DM hi.*** I am only interested in something longterm with the right person. I am in no way shape or form looking for, flings, one night stands, to be 1 of 12 in your rotation etc. Please no games or drama, that stuff was ok 20 years ago lol. I honestly am leaning towards NO children as I find it near impossible to find someone to take out for coffee, let alone have a child with. So atm anything child related is a hard pass unless for some reason you are in fact so different from everyone else that you completely change my outlook on life, then and only then can we perhaps entertain the thought of children ( this also includes people that currently have children, no thanks). I do work full time, just starting a new job. I do enjoy to cook and bbq and would love someone who is also capable of cooking and or can bring something new to the table. I am looking for the ride or die type, someone I dont have to walk on eggshells around, someone who doesnt support the alphabet army or go along with any of those mainstream woke psychosis. Someone with a great and very dark sense of humor, you can take it and give it right back. Just someone who's fun, likes to travel, and actually wants to build a life together.-------------------Hard NO's; 1. Cigarette smokers 2. heavy drinkers 3. History of physical / sexual abuse 4. mens haircuts 5. Anyone remotely close to any possible viral clip you can imagine 6. Single moms 7. New Profiles / BRAND NEW accounts 8. --------------------Please be 420 friendlyComedians : Tom Segura, Dave Chapelle, Jim Norton, Bill Burr, Tim Dillon aka The Pig, Mark Normand, Christina P, Ali Wong, Joe Rogan, William Montgomery aka the big red machine, kill tony, etc to name a few--------------------Shows : Trailer park boys, Letter kenney, simpsons, forensic files ( anything crime related especially serial killer documentaries ), Brooklyn 99, schitts creek, Seinfeld, southpark, breaking bad, better call Saul, Shoresy , Paradise PD, Brickleberry, Banshee, Ozarks blah blah---------------------Music : literally all over the place, mostly prefer metal / edm , changes by mood.---------------------variety of podcasts : YMH, Radio Rental, Crime Junkie, Tim Dillon show, Congratulations, stuff you should know, All over the road, tuesdays with stories, park after dark , Ramsey show, JRE, chip chipperson , Haiyaa with Nigel Eng, long days, history hyenas etc
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2023.06.03 18:31 DegenerateStoner710 38 [M4F] #NewJersey Looking for my forever person, so over apps and bots

***Hello,As so many on here demand, when sending your FIRST DM please include your Name, Location, Age and a photo. Please do not just DM hi.*** I am only interested in something longterm with the right person. I am in no way shape or form looking for, flings, one night stands, to be 1 of 12 in your rotation etc. Please no games or drama, that stuff was ok 20 years ago lol. I honestly am leaning towards NO children as I find it near impossible to find someone to take out for coffee, let alone have a child with. So atm anything child related is a hard pass unless for some reason you are in fact so different from everyone else that you completely change my outlook on life, then and only then can we perhaps entertain the thought of children ( this also includes people that currently have children, no thanks). I do work full time, just starting a new job. I do enjoy to cook and bbq and would love someone who is also capable of cooking and or can bring something new to the table. I am looking for the ride or die type, someone I dont have to walk on eggshells around, someone who doesnt support the alphabet army or go along with any of those mainstream woke psychosis. Someone with a great and very dark sense of humor, you can take it and give it right back. Just someone who's fun, likes to travel, and actually wants to build a life together.-------------------Hard NO's; 1. Cigarette smokers 2. heavy drinkers 3. History of physical / sexual abuse 4. mens haircuts 5. Anyone remotely close to any possible viral clip you can imagine 6. Single moms 7. New Profiles / BRAND NEW accounts 8. --------------------Please be 420 friendlyComedians : Tom Segura, Dave Chapelle, Jim Norton, Bill Burr, Tim Dillon aka The Pig, Mark Normand, Christina P, Ali Wong, Joe Rogan, William Montgomery aka the big red machine, kill tony, etc to name a few--------------------Shows : Trailer park boys, Letter kenney, simpsons, forensic files ( anything crime related especially serial killer documentaries ), Brooklyn 99, schitts creek, Seinfeld, southpark, breaking bad, better call Saul, Shoresy , Paradise PD, Brickleberry, Banshee, Ozarks blah blah---------------------Music : literally all over the place, mostly prefer metal / edm , changes by mood.---------------------variety of podcasts : YMH, Radio Rental, Crime Junkie, Tim Dillon show, Congratulations, stuff you should know, All over the road, tuesdays with stories, park after dark , Ramsey show, JRE, chip chipperson , Haiyaa with Nigel Eng, long days, history hyenas etc
submitted by DegenerateStoner710 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2023.06.03 18:16 KittenDealinMama AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my boyfriend after he insulted me about my “colorful” past?

Originally posted by u/psychologicalmind407 in AmItheAsshole on May 25, '23 updated on May 27, '23.
Note: A thot is an acronym for That Ho Over There.
 
Trigger Warning: Cheating
 
Original
May 25, '23
 
AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my boyfriend after he insulted me about my “colorful” past?
This happened last night but my phone is still blowing up.
I F(26) dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend (27) a PS5 for his birthday yesterday.
He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We’ve been together for 4 years so the cost didn’t matter. That is until, I found out what he thinks about me.
Some background: When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after 3 months, and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work.
I found out a couple months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends but I didn’t know Jake long enough to meet his friend group, so I had no idea.
After finding out, I took some time off dating and two years later, I met my current boyfriend Mike.
I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends. He said he understood and my past didn’t bother him.
Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy.
His best female friend Jessica laughed and said “I wish I was a thot so I could afford a PS5 too.”
I looked at her with an “excuse me?” Look on my face and she just said “nevermind” and walked away.
I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said and I quote “she’s just messing with you. You can’t take a joke?”
So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with and he said “well, everyone knows you were a thot before you met me.”
I asked him to explain how I was a thot before him and he said “you know…messing with best friends?”
He then pat me on the shoulder and said that it’s okay because I’m not who I was back then and if he could get over my “colourful past” and “thot mentalities” to give me a chance, then I could get over Jessica’s comments and give her another chance.
I didn’t say anything. I just got up. Took the PS5 from the gift table and left.
He was PISSED. He literally called me like 20 times, but I didn’t care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it.
I thought that was done but Mike and all his friends including Jessica are berating me for being petty and they’re all saying I brought this on myself by making poor choices.
I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me so find someone who wasn’t a “thot” and get the PS5 from them because I returned it.
He started screaming how I’m “the biggest AH” for returning it and how I should be happy he ignored my “colourful past.”
I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far.
AITA?
 
In the comments:
NTA. Give him the keys to the curb.
Also- dollars to dildos he's cheating with Jessica.
Or shes a jealous female friend who wishes she was with him. But seems like they are close enough that they name-call his gf behind her back so you’re probably right
If they haven't- Jessica wants to at the very least.
NTA. Nothing about your past is even colorful. Omg you dated 2 guys that happened to be friends, good heavens, where are my pearls?! I must clutch them! Sounds like Jessica is either sleeping with this fool, or wants to be. She can have him. Use the money to get yourself something nice.
Judgment: Not the Asshole
 
Update
May 27, '23
 
Firstly, thank you all for the support! I really appreciate it and I’m trying my best to respond to each of you.
Turns out, you guys were right. But, we’ll get into that.
Firstly, I unblocked Mike this morning and called him to talk. After a few hours of arguing, I finally got the truth out of him.
He said after I told him about my past, he was fine with it because it happened before him. Then, he got curious about who Jake and Adam were.
So, he went digging on my Facebook friend list and didn’t find Jake but he found Adam. He then condemned me for having an ex on my social media page. I said I don’t speak to the majority of people on my Facebook but I wouldn’t delete them, I just won’t engage.
He said that in his eyes, that was a red flag so he went digging - and he found what he was looking for.
He saw that Adam was well known and well liked by a lot of women because of all the women liking and commenting on his posts - and by the cars and trips he posted prior, he knew that Adam had to be well off. He also admitted to knowing some of the women who were in Adam’s comments.
He then tried digging into Adam’s friend list but it was hidden. So he asked Jessica to stalk his likes, comments, and posts for a “Jake.” Sure enough, they found Jake. Saw that Jake drove an expensive car and came to the conclusion that I only date men with money.
Note: Mike doesn’t have money so his entire analysis was dumb.
Anyway…
I asked him why he just didn’t come to me and he confessed that for a while, he thought I was interested in Jake & Adam for money because that’s what “women do.” He then said that him and Jessica brought this situation up to his guy friends and they all agreed that this is how the situation went:
I was dating Jake, he introduced me to Adam, I found out Adam had more money than Jake, I left Jake to sleep with Adam - then started dating him.
I questioned why would I leave Adam if I was with him for Money…and he said he thought that was a lie and Adam had to be the one to leave me.
Ouch.
He then said that he contemplated breaking up with me over this for months but as he got to know me, he slowly realized I am not that kind of person.
I told him that he’s basically full of shit for dirtying my name with his friends - then I asked him why he didn’t clear up my name.
He said whenever he brought me up they all dismissed me as a gold digger, thot, a woman who slept with men for money - and here’s the kicker - probably still have some of that money saved. They came to the conclusion that I must be with Mike for some ulterior motive - but he was “too embarrassed” to defend me. He also said that he was embarrassed every time I mentioned a male friend or tagged any guy on social media because they all teased him afterwards.
I remember him asking me to not like any other man’s photos on social media and to not tag any guys but I just thought it’s because it made him uncomfortable. Not because his friends were silently stalking me.
After hearing all of this, I decided to end things with Mike. I told him that he’s not a nice person, and I can’t trust him anymore - especially because he knew I was saving for months to afford the PS5, and he allowed his friends to think that I got my money somewhere else.
After ending it, I said “oh by the way, have you ever slept with Jessica?”
He said no, but after she found Jake, she suggested that they hook up if he ever needs to “get back at me” in the future.
I asked what she meant by “getting back at me,” and he said she was certain I would cheat on him with a wealthier man if I found one.
He then said that he gave me the truth after all these years, so I should forgive him and give him another chance. But, I didn’t.
I just thanked him for the good times, the memories, and for dirtying my name - then I hung up and blocked him again.
Now, I think I’ll take another long break from the dating world.
Thanks again everyone!
 
Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.
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2023.06.03 18:15 strugglingya1 To the boy I thought was the love of my life

It hurts to see that you moved on so immediately, one month was all it took after two years and an apartment together. And it could’ve been with anybody in the world, but it had to be with my best friend. You both broke my heart, but you broke it twice by betraying me like that.
It hurts to see you from a distance. A part of me will always love you. You were my first love, my first roommate, my first kiss. You were the person who made me realise that I can be loved and I’m deserving of not only that, but respect, trust, reassurance, affirmation and communication.
I miss falling asleep next to you and waking up to hug and kiss you before rushing off to work. I miss existing with you. I miss your letters. I miss when you would introduce me to your friends as your partner. I miss your aftershave and the cologne you grew to love because I bought it for you for our first Christmas together.
I miss your smile, even though you didn’t like to because you didn’t like your teeth, but that grin had my whole heart, in all of its beautiful crookedness and gaps. I miss you holding my hand and knowing when to squeeze it because you could tell I was anxious. I miss you letting me cry, even if we were in public, and you would comfort me. I miss the flowers you would buy me just because. I miss going to church with you and hugging you during the sign of peace.
I miss going out with our friends and having you kiss my forehead before you went to the bar to grab us both a drink. I miss you dancing like an absolute dad to your favourite songs. I miss your country music playlist even when I pretended to hate it. I miss your fiery ginger hair even though you didn’t always love it, but it was my favourite. I miss your hugs because you were the first guy who made me short and the fact that your hand enveloped mine so dearly.
I miss when you drumming along to every song we listen to, even when we’re in the car and you’d still hold my hand while doing it. I miss your long goodbyes when we couldn’t see each other during the week and the fact that you got emotional as I did. I miss the fact that you weren’t embarrassed to be seen with me, you were even proud to have me as your partner.
I miss you calling me beautiful, sweetheart, frizzles, your gorgeous girl, darling, love, your soulmate. But I’m not those things to you anymore. She is and that’s what hurts the most. You gave up on me for the girl who set us up, our number one supporter, the one who I thought would be my maid of honour at our wedding. You chose my best friend over me when you knew it was my worry at the start of our relationship, but you reassured me that she was your ‘sister’ and there was ‘nothing there’.
But now I know you’re moving states for her when you wouldn’t for me. You hold her hand in public the way you used to hold mine. You’ve made her a playlist and deleted ours. You lost your virginity to her after we vowed to wait until marriage for each other. Your mum loves her even more than me, even though she called me her future daughter in law the first time she met me. I lost the two of you both in the same month, my family. And even though I’m not in love with you anymore, it still breaks my heart every single time I hear a song play that we shared through Spotify or seeing you on other people’s socials.
You both broke me and I will never be able to fill the emptiness you left behind, but I’m not just your partner anymore, I am my own person and people love me for me, not just because of you. I think you would be proud of me if you still cared.
I got more tattoos, I’ve started taking photos at the events we used to attend together but you refuse to go to now, I’ve found a new, more loving and faithful family, I’ve started my dream degree. I survived the attempt I made on my own life after you abandoned in the middle of the night and never saw me again. I made it out of the hospital that your heartbreak put me in and I moved hundreds of kilometres to a new city and created a new life for myself.
So even though you refuse to acknowledge my presence when I’m with our mutual friends, I hope somewhere inside of you, you still care and that you’re proud, because I know the boy I fell in love with at 17 would be cheering for me regardless of what‘s happened to us. Tell your kids about me someday and I’ll be telling mine about our adventures, and when my kids come crying to me about their first heartbreak, I’ll be grateful you taught me how to survive the unthinkable.
In some odd and astounding way, I forgive you T, but I will not forget
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