Salt water taffy nutrition facts

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7/3/2019 Last Day of June

Hey all, it’s me Frank Jones again. I wrote that post a while ago about why you shouldn’t be a paranormal investigator and a lot of you liked it. Since settling into my hideaway in the mountains, life has become quiet and I thought about checking in. The plague hit us like nothing and now that everyone is wanting to travel again, I thought to say hi. I want to say thanks to all of you who commented and gave me those weird pointy thingies this social media does. Some of you even figured out my post office box address and sent me letters. I appreciate it (and don’t do it again).
The common strain among your posts was wanting to know if I had ever encountered other things as an auditor. Of course I have but I have been reluctant to tell you because I don’t want to shine some sort of light on all of it or make it sound like some romantic adventure. It’s “pissing yourself” fear all wrapped up in a waking nightmare with a side of gory terror. I am one of the few who actually made it to retirement…if that’s what you could call this life I’m living now.
But, I have nothing else to do really. Carl only visits once in a while when he’s passing through and I cannot risk any other sort of company knowing I’ve pissed off a lot of people…and things. So, I’m back on this internet board and sharing. So many are curious, I thought maybe another story can scare you all straight. This was the first time complacency almost got me and another killed.
This story takes place somewhere in the 90s in a small New England town. It was one of those places nestled along the banks of a serene river, historic brick buildings line the winding streets, their facades adorned with weathered signs that hint at the town's seafaring heritage. A place where everything smelled like either the ocean or decaying fish. I’m not going to specifically name the town to protect the young lady that may still be living there but in the heart of the town, there’s a renowned drawbridge which stands as a testament to the place’s affinity for water. Its ancient mechanisms creak and groan when allowing vessels to pass through the calm waterway. It also had some of the best outdoor markets I had a chance to stop and check out.
I didn’t pass through this part of the country that often as my boss preferred me to do the long hauls across the country but there was a dead haul nobody wanted.I took it cause I wanted a change of scenery. I was already working as an auditor and part of a loose alliance of others who investigated and dealt with any weird things. I actually had a few monsters under my belt. I honestly had the foolhardy idea that I could handle anything out there. God, I was an idiot.
The supernatural never crossed my mind until that evening, stopping to fuel up my red 1992 Peterbilt 379 and paying for the gas with the attendant and restocking up on those beef jerky sticks and coffee.
That was when I noticed her. She was a young woman about in her mid 30s looking like one of the corporate types with the short hair cut and business suit. I would have not paid her any mind if it wasn’t for the touch of apprehension on her face as she talked on one of those new fangled bright yellow Nokia cellphones. Soft strands of chestnut hair framed her face, their gentle sway moving as she glanced around while talking on the phone. As I observed her, I couldn't help but notice the way her fingers trembled slightly, when trying to get money out of her pocket. I’ve seen that type of fear before. So, like a creep, I eavesdropped on her call.
“Yes, it happened again,” she had said as the nickels finally made it to the counter to pay for her snacks. “I could have sworn there was something outside the window near the edge of the forest….no, of course the security cameras didn’t pick up anything. They’re cheap. Ronald was a skinflint when it came to things like this. Hope he’s rotting in hell wherever he is.”
My mind began to drift away, more annoyed I couldn’t get a move on it. It sounded like a problem for the police and if anything, I was gonna tell her that. It was what she said next that made me stop and brought back the reality of the world.
“Yeah. like nine or ten feet tall. I’m thinking kids are playing around with scarecrows or something. Won’t come from the edge of the forest and when I check, I can see foot impressions and stuff. I already put in a call to the cops. They found nothing.“
“Did it sway a bit and its eyes seem to glint like a cats or owl?” I asked without thinking.
The look I got from both her and the gas attendant made me realize what I had done. Well, too late now.
“I’ll call you back,” she said quickly, eyeing me as she hung up the phone and slipped it back into her purse.
“You need me to walk you to your car, ma’am?” the attendant asked, staring at me.
Of course, I forgot that The Truck Stop Killer had only been arrested a few years before.
“I’m fine, thank you,” she said, quickly gathering her stuff and making for the door. I slapped the one hundred and seventy bucks on the counter to pay for my diesel guzzler ignoring the change and followed her out but making sure to not move in a way that caused the teenager in the station to call the cops.
“Ma’am,” I called out to her and she turned to me while hurrying up her pace.
“I’ve got pepper spray. Stay away from me.”
“The thing in the woods. You could have sworn you smelled fresh dirt like mulch and it seemed to sway back and forth like it could not keep its balance.” I threw it out there in desperation.
She froze and turned to look at me. Eying me up and down as I kept my distance and angled to head towards my truck.
“How do you know?”
“I…uh…dealt with something like that before. On a job in Canada.”
“Who are you?” she asked, looking at my faded shirt and company logo. “A trucker?”
“I moonlight as a problem solver. Like an auditor of sorts.”
“Who is it?” she demanded, eyes still affixed to me and hand in her purse.
“Better question is ‘what is it?’,” I answered.
I have learned to pick up on the contempt and disbelief from people who hadn’t seen what I have. I was already being dismissed as a whack job.
“You have tracks on your porch you have written off as animals, especially if you own a dog. If you did own a dog, it’s missing. Cops told you it ran away. You got a garden?”
“Yes,” the certainty had started to leave her voice. “A walled garden.”
“And anytime you’re in there, you feel like you’re being watched.”
At that, her hand came out of her purse empty and she approached me with the fear I had seen in her eyes now on her face.
“How did you know?”
“I’d rather not explain out here,” I said sheepishly running my hand through my sandy brown hair that only started getting flecks of gray. “But you got a…pest problem.”
“And you can do something about it? I’ve had exterminators, cops, nature lovers…even a priest.”
“None of those won’t do you any good and I don’t want to scare ya but it’s more active which is not a good sign.”
For a few moments, I could see the indecision in her eyes. The desperate want to dismiss me as a lunatic but whatever she had heard or seen won over.
“Fine. You can follow me to the house.”
“Mind if I hitch a ride?”
The woman started but then looked at my truck. “Promise. I mean you no harm. I really think you’re in danger.”
That was when I found her name was Isabelle Walker.
We left my truck in long-term parking after she told the attendant that I was a long lost relative and that’s why the change of demeanor. I don’t know if he believed her but at that point, I don’t think he cared. I left my truck with its metallic frame standing tall and proud amidst the rows of other vehicles.
I did not realize how desperate this woman was until we got going on the road. I had loaded myself in the passenger seat after pulling out my military backpack from the war which I also used for my auditing services and tried to look as harmless as a man of my stature could.
For the first fifteen minutes of the drive, her focus was on the lonely road, those beautiful eyes darting to me anytime I shifted my weight. I didn’t want to scare her so it was her that spoke first.
“What is it?”
“I really don’t know but the people in my profession call it a Bone Walker.”
The nose crinkled in disbelief.
“Halloween is not for a few more months, Mister…”
“Jones. Frank Jones.”
The James Bond reference caused her to snort in amusement.
“I don’t know what to tell ya, ma’am, except I’ve dealt with some pretty scary things out there. Normally I’m never this forward as most people try to call the cops on me or dismiss me as a lunatic. I mean, I could be a lunatic but I know what I’ve seen.”
“And that is…?”
“You know. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves. They’re real. They’re not common but real nevertheless.”
“Really?”
There was still the disbelief in Isabelle’s voice but I grew to ignore things like this.
“Sure. I mean, think of all the things you experienced and be open to alternate answers.”
Isabelle was quiet for a few minutes and then sighed. “Either you are telling the truth or you're the biggest liar and I’m a fool that’s not going to live through this night.”
“I promise,” I tried to reassure her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
After a few more minutes and off the main highway, we approached her home. The large house stood resolute amidst the dense, ancient forest, its weathered exterior a testament to the passing of time. It was a grand structure, its imposing presence commanding attention. The sprawling estate exuded an air of mystery and faded grandeur, as if it held stories whispered through generations.
As we pulled in, the main house loomed before me, its facade adorned with intricate woodwork and worn stone. Ivy crept along the walls, weaving an emerald tapestry that hinted at the passage of years. The windows, framed by elegant yet slightly cracked panes, stared out into the world with a mixture of curiosity and melancholy.
To the side, a large shed stood detached from the main house, its weathered boards echoing tales of forgotten tools and lost endeavors. The wooden structure sagged under the weight of time, its roof covered in a patchwork quilt of moss. Inside, shadows danced amidst remnants of a bygone era, rusty equipment and dusty shelves attesting to the once-bustling activity that had long since ceased.
Not far from the shed, a family cemetery nestled amongst the ancient trees. Tombstones, adorned with intricate carvings and weathered inscriptions, dotted the landscape. The hallowed ground exuded a solemn tranquility, as if time stood still in reverence for those who rested eternally in its embrace. Wisps of fog clung to the grassy knolls, lending an ethereal quality to the sacred space.
At the far end of the property, an old walled garden stood as a testament to the house's former splendor. Once vibrant and lush, the garden now appeared overgrown and untamed. Stone paths meandered through a sea of tangled foliage, leading to hidden nooks and forgotten corners. Dilapidated stone benches, adorned with intricate carvings, sat scattered throughout the garden, silent witnesses to a time when laughter and conversation filled the air.
As I stood amidst the silence of the forest, the house, shed, cemetery, and walled garden formed a tapestry of history and mystery. They were a testament to the ebb and flow of life, the remnants of a bygone era that clung to the present. Within their weathered walls, secrets whispered and memories danced, waiting to be discovered by those who dared to venture into their enigmatic embrace.
“Great place to be haunted, huh?” she said with sarcasm. “My ex left it to me in the divorce. Was only going to be here long enough to sell it but no one wants it and my job wants me to move to this state anyway.”
“Where are you originally from?”
“California.”
“So, this is definitely a change of scenery for you,”
Isabelle only hummed back at me as she fumbled for her keys in the dying light of evening. I pulled my backpack closer to me as my eyes scanned the treeline where the shadows had begun to deepen. Nothing stood out against the silhouettes of ancient trees which was a good sign. I wasn’t too late.
Stepping through the weathered front door, I entered the interior of the old house, greeted by a mix of nostalgia and faded elegance. The air carried a hint of mustiness, a reminder of the countless years the house had to have witnessed. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light filtering through the stained-glass windows, I could make out the clash between old decor and the modern furniture Isabelle had bought.
The foyer, adorned with a worn, threadbare rug. The walls, once adorned with portraits and intricate wallpaper, now bore the markings of time's passage. The wooden banister of the grand staircase, polished with use, creaked softly under my touch as we made our way towards the living room.
Moving further into the house, I found myself in a spacious living room. Large, ornate windows which would have allowed slivers of daylight to filter through the heavy velvet curtains. The walls were adorned with faded wallpaper. An aged fireplace, its stone mantle adorned with trinkets and old photographs, served as the heart of the room.
“You want some coffee?” Isabelle asked, throwing her keys on to the coffee table. I sat down on her couch and dropped my backpack on it with a clunk.
“Sure.”
“Sugar?”
“A lot.”
The kitchen light clicked on and I heard her moving about setting up the coffee pot. The adrenalin was now pumping through me as my mind raced. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail on what a Bone Walker is but it’s a creature that usually haunts the western coast. It being so far out east was strange. I pulled out my old gun bag and unrolled it. My Stevens Model 520-30 “Trench” shotgun was the first thing I reached for as I popped open the internal pouch holding he high flash shells I was glad I packed. It was the startled sound from Isabelle that made me quickly look up.
She stood there with my coffee, eyes locked on the shotgun in my hand. I slowly held up one of the cartridges I was planning to load.
“Flash powder shotgun shells. No load. Just makes a loud noise and a bright white light. What we’re facing lives in the shadows and hates light…normally,” I had heard stories that they could strike in the day but it was extremely rare. She didn’t need to know that.
“Oh,” was her quiet response. “Do…do I need a gun?”
“You know how to use one?”
“No.”
“Then it’ll do more harm than good. You got any flashlights?”
Isabelle nodded mutely, the gravity of the situation sinking in at the array of weapons and items in my pack laid out in front of her.
“Go get them.”
While she was gone, I quickly unloaded the silver bullets out of my Makarov pistol (a gift from a Viet Cong officer and a story for another time) and placed normal 9mm rounds in the clip. I had it holstered under my jacket with the two back up clips when she returned with three cheap flashlights.
“One in your hand and one in your pocket.”
“Why?”
“In case you drop the one you are holding.”
The woman obeyed silently.
As night fell quickly around us, I slung my shotgun over my shoulder and with Isabelle close, we made our way upstairs. There were tell tale signs I needed to check as the only advantage I had over this thing was the fact it stuck to a pattern. If it was at the stage I thought it was, there would be signs.
“Which room is yours?” I asked.
Isabelle pointed to a door down the hallway across from a large window. Approaching it, I quickly shined my flashlight at the mahogany door frame. It was the glint that caught my eye. Deep gouges in the wood.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Claw marks,” I responded. There was no use sugar coating anything now.
“This thing was in my house?” Isabelle said horrified.
“For the last few weeks now,” I said, my nose picking up the faint odor of dirt and mud.
“Why didn’t it attack me then?”
“It wasn’t time.”
“What?”
Talking was going to be the only thing to keep her focused. I had felt the world shift a bit as night fell and I needed her not to panic.
“Bone Walkers are ritualistic creatures. They are very choosy over their prey. It can take a month or two before they move in. That’s why they are so hard to catch.”
“Criteria? Like what?”
“We don’t know.”
That was the honest truth. The only reason we knew their existence and patterns was thanks to blind luck and people surviving their encounters. I showed my light around looking for other signs. Discolored stains in the corners where shadows would naturally form, healthy moss and mold that shouldn’t be there. I found a patch around her bed. She did not notice and I did not want to tell her that it probably stood over her through the night watching her sleep. The sooner I buried this thing, the better.
“Frank!”
There was a trill of terror in Isabelle’s voice and I immediately looked to where she was. The woman was standing by her bedroom window staring out at something. I quickly moved and spotted what she saw. In the forest, at the edge of the shadow cast by the moonlight was an almost, imperceptible form. It stood nine feet, hunched over like a broken scarecrow, its owl like eyes staring back at us.
“Shit,” I muttered. Thank god we had turned on the lights as we went.
It was the flash of light and the crack of thunder that heralded the arrival of the storm. The lights of this old houses flickered which caused my belly to flop a few times. My brain was on fire as I glanced back from the lightbulb to where the creature was and found it had vanished.
“Where did it go?”
I did not have time to explain as another crack of lightning caused the lights to dim. I grabbed Isabelle roughly by the arm and yanked her back down the hallway towards the living room where I had left my stuff. We barely made it to the living room when the lights dimmed low. I grasped the glow sticks out of the bag, cracked a handful and scattered them about, their bright yellow light beginning to glow. The power then went out bathing us only in the eerie glow of the emergency lighting.
As we waited in breathless anticipation, the storm struck, its wrath manifesting in torrential rain. The mansion seemed to respond, succumbing to a power outage that plunged us into an abyss of blackness only moments before.
A trill of terror coursed through me. I knew this Bone Walker thrived in darkness, using it as a cloak to conceal its malevolence. We auditors were not sure if it actually teleported or it preferred to move in pitch darkness. I just knew that the black was our biggest threat.
For a few moments, we could only hear the ragged breathing of the two of us being drowned out by the pounding rain against shingle and glass. Isabelle had wound her hand into my jacket pocket and was gripping it tightly, I could feel her shaking with terror. I kept my shotgun gripped tightly in my hand listening for the tell tale sound of its arrival.
It was the movement out of the corner of my eye and the fact her grip got tighter on my jacket. I swiftly turned on my high-powered flashlight as I spun around and the brilliant beam pierced the obscure corner of the room. No matter what I had read or seen before did not prepare me for what I saw.
It stood there in the corner, its eight foot height engulfing that section of the house. My eyes strained as it appeared the thing was struggling to stay in focus. Its arms were too long for its body, spindly and almost to the floor while the legs appeared backwards giving it a strange forward leaning look. It wore a hunter’s long coat and trousers but through the rips and tears I could make out something squirming and moving underneath. The air filled with the stench of decaying plants and diseased vegetation. Its face was covered with what looked like the remnants of a cheap bandanna but its owl-like eyes gleaned back with malevolence.
Isabelle whimpered, her fear palpable in the room and the Bone Walker lunged toward us. Even though my fear was ripping through me like an unstoppable train, I had the sense to pull the trigger of my shotgun aimed in its direction. The flash and resounding roar painted the entire room in a brilliant black and white shadow causing every corner and edge to appear thick and vivid. The creature screamed and fell to the side into the shadow not illuminated by the weapon’s fire.
Isabelle had thrown herself on the couch and was huddled there, trembling with terror, while I moved quickly to crack a few more glow sticks and toss them into the dark corners of the room. In one, I saw its foot recoil back into the kitchen where it was darker than night itself. This was quicker than I had anticipated. The plans I had been formulating on the drive were no longer viable. I wanted to lure it to where I controlled the battlefield but that was not an option anymore. This had become a cat and mouse game and I knew this was with a predator I could not even hope to understand and had years to hone.
Out of the kitchen again this thing charged forward, relentless in its pursuit, it was trying to find a way around my light barrier which only appeared to slow it down. With shaking hands, I fired several more rounds, each blast forcing the creature to retreat and the girl to scream in terror. As soon as it retreated to a dark part of the house, I turned to where the woman of the house had been. To my horror, Isabelle's fear had gotten the best of her. In that moment of panic, she darted from the safety of the light, towards the hallway and the door outside.
“Isabelle! Stop!” I yelled trying to command her back with my voice but I doubted she heard me. Between the abject horror and the relentless rain, she was going to take her chance. A chance I knew she did not have.
I only took a step when I sensed it. The musty smell of an organic landfill overwhelmed me as the form silently darted past me, its long arm clobbering me up the side of the head. The world spun as pain burst through my brain. I felt the world tilt and fall heavily to the ground, flashlight and shotgun falling away.
As I slipped in and out of consciousness, I knew I was a sitting duck for this thing. There was no way for me to stop it from ripping me to shreds like some of the corpses I had seen. As I blinked, I came to my senses and realized I was alone. How long I had actually been on the ground, I did not know.
I sat up, my head pounding and I could see the door hanging open, the wind slamming the door on its hinges and the rain soaking the hallway floor. Struggling, I found my flashlight and gun and pulled myself together.
There was a slim chance that Isabelle was still alive. I had to think. Where would it go? I ran all the stories I could think of and then it hit me. The garden. The walled garden.
I charged into the rain-soaked night. I sprinted toward the enclosed garden at the edge of the property. As I grew closer, I saw that the rusted door was open and hope flickered in my soul. As I came to a stop, I brought my flashlight up again with my shotgun and saw it.
This creature stood there in the middle of the overgrown garden, its massive clawed hand wrapped around Isabelle’s chest and holding her up. Out from under its bandanna mask, putrid vines had appeared and led up to Isabelle’s face where they were forcing their way down her throat and up her nose. I could see the wide terror in her eyes as vines were snaking their way around her waist and I did not want to think about what they were planning to do.
I brought up the shotgun again and fired. Knowing that I had distance, the flash of light caught the creature by surprise. It shrieked as it fell back. Trying desperately not to release its prey. I did not hesitate to grab the machete at my side and hack at its arm until Isabelle fell down free of it.
It’s claw swiped at me striking me on the leg and easily tearing through my pants leaving bloody lacerations but I put the weapon point blank and fired another round. I do not know if it was the flash, the combination of the creature, or that the almighty above was looking out for me, but the creature caught ablaze from the spark.
It fell back swinging wildly as the fire spread unnaturally fast catching the plants around it on fire. Within a matter of seconds, the walled garden had become ablaze with the bone walker in the center. As I ripped the vines out of Isabelle’s mouth and dragged her towards the door, I looked up to see those owl-like eyes looking at me with such abject hatred that the look stick with me today.
I honestly don’t know how we survived. I had helped Isabelle to her porch and we both passed out against our will from the sheer terror and exhaustion. We were awoken by the sound of a siren. The lights had come back on sometime in our sleep and the rain had drifted off to a comforting drizzle. The fire was still raging in the garden but contained by the ancient walls. At least two fire trucks, an ambulance and cops were flying up the private road towards us.
This entire hunt had been ill-planned and stupid. I knew it. As the cops approached with their hand on their pistols, I knew that I had allowed my own ego to get in the way. I should have taken Isabelle somewhere else until I had done a proper reconnaissance. I shouldn’t have taken her home where it was waiting. And now, the cops were looking at two thoroughly soaked humans, one a trucker with a wound and a gun and a young lady in distress. I was pretty sure I was going to go to jail.
“Isabelle?” One of the cops and his voice caused her to sit up, relief washing over her.
“Derek!” she wailed. “We were attacked! In the garden!”
Another two cops that had arrived had taken off in that direction while Derek helped the girl up and took her towards the ambulance. The other cop with a comically large mustache looked at me with keen eyes, his hand still on his pistol, sergeant stripes glowing in the light.
“Attacked?”
“Yeah,” I said, sitting up slowly and keeping my hand away from the shotgun and trying not to show the one under my jacket. “Someone came after Mrs. Walker. They were in the garden.”
The cop watched me closely but there seemed to be a recognition in his eyes.
“You by any chance Frank Jones?”
My heart jumped and I must have looked startled as the cop’s face broke into a smile. To my relief, his hand fell away from his holstered sidearm.
“I’ll take that for a yes. My guess is you don’t remember me. Clay Wilson. Santa Fe PD, about six years ago. You helped my partner with a...problem. Nellie Nelson?”
I knew the name but the face escaped me.
“She told me you helped her audit a police union building.”
“Ah, yes,” I said, remembering dealing with the wraith and the twinge in my right arm from it’s bite.
The cop looked towards the fire that was slowly being put out by the fire fighters.
“Any chance this will be one of your audits?”
“Yeah.”
He seemed to think for a few minutes and then nodded.
“Then I think you need to grab that shotgun of yours and hitch a ride with me before too many people ask questions. Whatcha think?”
I nodded. I was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I collected my stuff quickly from the living room and made my way back out where he was waiting. As I limped with the cop to his car, I looked towards Isabelle who was being held by the other. She gave me a look of thankfulness as the cop looked at his partner with confusion.
“Her brother’s got her,” Clay said, opening the back door for me. I was not gonna argue or fight. If he took me to jail or not.
And that was it. My leg was not as bad off as I thought and wrapped it in the back of the police car. Clay only asked where I wanted to go and he took me back to my truck. With that time, I was back on the road with that small town in the rear view mirror.
I never did find out what happened to Isabelle after that, if another creature came looking for her or if she had a chance to live in peace. I just knew that we both barely made it out alive and that was due to my own stupidity. I was furious with myself for weeks after that and told myself I wouldn’t put another person in jeopardy like that again. At least, despite my idiocy, another life was saved and another monster was put in the ground...I hoped. I never did find out if they found a body.

A friend recently got me started baking Amish Friendship Bread and maintaining a starter. I was wanting to try some other recipes with the starter and wasn't quite sure how to use it. It's equal parts sugar, flour, and milk. If I wanted to make some basic white bread with it, and wanted to use 1 cup of starter, how would I adjust the recipe to accomidate using the starter and still maintaining the proper ratios of ingredients to produce a good bread?
It would be simple if I found a recipe that called for at least 1/3 cup of flour, sugar, and milk, but most do not. So if I tried a simple white bread recipe, like below (2 loaf recipe)...

• 4½ teaspoons instant yeast, two 0.25-ounce packets
• ¾ cup (for proofing) + 2⅔ cups warm water, divided
• ¼ cup granulated sugar
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 9 ½ cups all-purpose flour

.
Would changing it to the following be an appropriate substitution?
.

• 1 cup Amish Friendship Bread Starter (1/3c each of flour, sugar, milk)
• 4½ teaspoons instant yeast, two 0.25-ounce packets
• ¾ cup (for proofing) + 2 1⁄3 cups warm water, divided
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 9 cups + 3Tbsp all-purpose flour

I basically omitted 1/4 of sugar, 1/3 cup of flour, and 1/3 cup of water. Should I do this any differently, and why?

(Reprinted from SencheBeat Magazine, with Permission)

The Lord

Lords are the babies of Magnegeology because it’s the first sign of the disk. As it turns out, they are baby IRL, too. Immaturity, drama, and tantrums often follow Lords wherever they go — they may try hard to make it seem like it’s everyone else’s fault, but the receipts don’t lie. When your Lord pal is trying to stir the pot, break things up by reminding them that we all know their dramatic ways — don't throw a tantrum, Lorde!

The Mage

Mages are said to be lazy, indulgent, stubborn, and have only one thing on their mind 24/7 — sex. I mean, lounging around all day and dreaming about sex sounds delightful, but someone has to get something done. They love nothing more than doing nothing in an upscale setting, with a tray of their favorite foods. Have a Mage friend who always cancels plans in favor of staying home with their boo? TYPICAL.

The Shadow

Unfortunately, Shadow's rep precedes them. If you’re looking for someone to blow up your phone with texts, gifs, and memes all day about nothing of importance or relevance to you — then The Shadow is the perfect person to connect with. Don’t worry, half of what they say is actually true and everything you tell them will be spread as gossip to all your mutual friends.

The Steed

Are Steeds the victims in situations or do they like to play up that energy for attention? Asking for a friend. Sometimes these manipulative cry babies get their way by using their emotions to guilt others into taking their side in a situation. Steeds are known to play up their sentimental nature and use the secrets of others against them to get what they want. If your Steed BFF is acting up, call the waaambulance.

The Apprentice

Apprentices never stop talking about themselves. Never. Ever. If they don’t get praise for the littlest things like throwing out the trash or refilling an empty pitcher of water, they may have a complete fit and meltdown. To say Apprentices need constant adoration is an understatement. They require fandom from everyone in their lives — especially from their #1 — which is them. Shower your Apprentice pal in affection if you're looking to appease them, but when it gets to be too much, you can easily get their goat by reminding them that you know they're pining for attention.

The Warrior

Nitpicking, critiquing, and correcting are qualities that you can expect from The Warrior. They’ll be the first to take a magnifying glass to make sure that their white sheets are flawlessly cleaned and folded in hospital corners. And, send you an urgent memo if there is a typo in your text. When your facts aren’t correct, they will send you links citing the real tea immediately. Want to make your Warrior friend freak out? Knock something out of place on their desk.

The Lady

It’s impossible for The Lady be decisive, which is why many consider this people-pleasing sign to be flakey. When they ultimately make a choice, it won’t be long before they backpedal and change their minds. This won’t happen once. Try 10 times in a day. And, that is just for their lunch order. Yet, they seriously wonder why people get irritated with their inconsistencies.

The Tower

No other stardisk sign harbors resentments like The Tower. They’re relentless in making sure that everyone suffers for the sins and wrongdoings done to them by others — even if they’re the ones who instigated the drama. It doesn’t matter if the other person is right, just that The Tower is justified in seeking well plotted acts of revenge for situations that annoyed and upset them greatly. Telling your Tower friend that you don't remember why they're holding on of their grudges because there are too many to keep track of is a pretty solid roast.

The Atronach

There is nothing worse than a know-it-all who doesn’t know-it-all but really believes that they do — regardless of the facts. The Atronach will argue their points endlessly — even if it’s not accurate or true. Once they believe something to be real, then these commitmentphobes double down on idealistic nonsense just to play devil’s advocate and see others squirm because it’s funny to watch.

The Thief

If you’re looking for parental figures who are super critical of everyone — including themselves — and are pushing you to adult since the age of 10, then you need more Thieves in your life. The glass is always half empty for these cynical and pessimistic larcenists . Anyone that achieves more clout than them is their mortal enemy who they will sabotage down the road.

The Ritual

As long as you give The Ritual emotional space, don’t nag them, and let them fanatically preach their controversial beliefs nonstop, then they’ll love — I mean like — you forever (because they’re unable to get deep and prefer aloofness). Never expect them to let you cry on their shoulders — if you’re wanting a pep talk they’ll oblige but will refuse to dry your tears.

The Lover

Lovers can be space cadets who live in their own bubbles and never want to deal with reality. And, that’s ok, as long as they take care of paying bills or maintaining activities, which rarely happens. The thiefcharge sign reluctantly awakens from their dreams to deal with the real world — a part of life that they secretly hate because it juxtaposes with their fantasies.

The Serpent

To all you Serpents out there gotta say -- love the rizz, but if you don't stop gaslighting everyone, we're gonna a have collective menty b. Hate to gatekeep the situationship, but Serpents love convincing everyone how aesthetic they are, but deep down, we all know them for the nepo-babies that they are. It's giving slayussy.

I’ll attach pics. I’ve never tried it before. I cleaned the egg before with salt water and then meditated and set my intention before I rubbed the egg over my body. This is my first try, so I hope I did it right. From what I see the smalls bubbles mean some negative energy was taken away. But the cloudy film above the yolk means I do have some sort of blockage ? Idk what the oval shapes mean I’m assuming like something along the same lines if anyone can help me I would appreciate it !

TF-100 test kit Says recommended TA is 60-90. Does it matter if its 400?

I have a tradition to watch H2o at least once a year because I've loved it since I was younger. I'm watching s3 now and I just have to explain my thoughts on the show as a whole now that I'm 22 and able to perceive better lol:

1. S1 is very interesting obviously because 3 girls turn into mermaids and aren't able to touch water in any way without becoming fish. I love the chemistry between the girls and I also love that the powers they get kind of fit their personalities. I also thought Ms. Chatham was an interesting character, BUT I wish we got to see more of her. We know that she was once a mermaid and that she had two mermaid friends, but that's it. I kind of dislike that her character was that typical "crazy lady who knows what she's talking about, but nobody believes her until they witness it" type of character. I also wish they didn't push the entire "everybody is going to dissect us" agenda. In ep5, Kim finds cleo's diary and is closer to finding out that she's a mermaid... I wish they would've let Kim find out, or at least Elliott, but i guess because of Kim's personality, it made sense that she was going to try to exploit them??? I wish we saw more on why the full moon made them go crazy all the time.. I thought Dr. Denman's plot line was great, but I wish we had more episodes with her. There was kind of a gap between her plot because she got sent to the galapagos, then came back like "oh wow mermaids," I wish they never made her leave and let her stay to try to find out what Lewis was working on. I think Rikki and Zane's relationship growth was really nice, and I liked how he didn't want to out them at the end of the season, even though his entire plot was about finding mermaids.
2. S2 was soooo annoying, BUT I can't lie the plot was there. I've always hated Charlotte, but you have to admit that Cleo started their whole rivalry. Although Charlotte knew Lewis and Cleo were together and still decided to pursue him, she did so after they had broken up, so i mean that's pretty fair. Still hate her though. I wish she got more episodes to be the villain as well. She turned into a mermaid during the very end and had about 4 episodes to use her powers, throw Lewis a stupid surprise party, take Cleo's locket (crazy that it belonged to her grandmother), and lose her powers... I feel if she would have become the villain during the middle of the season, it would've been better. ALSO, Cleo was soooo scared of Charlotte for no reason! I hate that part in one episode where Cleo is affected by the full moon and charlotte is trying to talk to her and she's like "Cleo I'm talking to you" while forcefully trying to turn her around... Why does she think she can do that to her? Because Cleo was a weak character when it came to Charlotte. Also that part when charlotte takes the locket and Cleo just falls to the ground crying and then runs away... You let her run you away??? Punch her or something! Lewis was very stupid from the beginning because he was just so oblivious to Charlotte and Cleo's situation. Emma and Rikki were pretty calm this season, but Emma did get on my nerves when it came to Ash... But Ash was very pushy like that time he tried to help her get over her "fear" of water by putting her in the water. If she says no, she says no! I think it would've been interesting if Miriam was the antagonist again this season. The mean girl from season 1 now turns into a mermaid and the girls have to help her, but she gets tired of their help and tries to hurt them?? IDK lol. Also what happened to Ms. Chatham lol, she just disappeared, but then here comes Charlotte saying her grandmother is Ms. Chathams mermaid friend.
   
3. Literally the worst season ever. I've always loved Bella because she was so nice, but she has no chemistry with the other girls. It's like she was just forced on us because Emma was gone. I also like Will, but he clearly was oblivious to Bella's feelings about him the first few episodes, so I wish they would have just let her move on to someone else or let her realize he wasn't interested and she found something else to do with her screen time. It just seemed as though every time we saw her, it was about Will. Rikki had the cafe, Cleo had the marine park and there's Bella with a boy lol. I also think Will being one of the main characters was pointless, he had no real story besides being a diver that got hit by water. I get he was a replacement for Ash i guess, but Ash would have been better. I HATED the fact that Rikki in this season got a little meaner and more possessive of Mako... You don't own the island Rikki! And the fact that her and Cleo ALWAYS bring up the fact that they have to be careful blah blah blah to Bella... Bella has been a mermaid since she was nine, if anything Bella should be telling you two that. And it's not like you could prevent anyone from going there... and if they did go and find the moon pool, they were going to find the moon pool and nothing else (unless they went during the full moon). They thought that if anybody went to Mako and found the pool, they were automatically going to say "omg Rikki, Cleo and Bella are mermaids because I found a random pool in a cave." I also wish in this season that the girls told their family or something. Especially cleo with kim or her dad, or maybe even sam. I think it's weird that you could tell your friends; Lewis who ofc is trustworthy and tries to help, Zane who is hated by everyone, and Will who you just met, but not your family over a span of 3 seasons??? I'm not even going to speak on Sophie and Zane because WOW horrible character development for Zane, especially because I liked his relationship with Rikki. Losing Lewis mid season was very heartbreaking because we love Lewis, but I'm glad he came back fro graduation. One random thing I always think about from season 1 is the fact that Ms. Chatham mentions that one of the boyfriends from her group of mermaids was trying to exploit them, but they threw his camera in the ocean... I wish we could've seen something like that happen with one of Cleo, Emma and Rikki's love interests. Ofc we have Zane, but when he found it was Rikki, he immediately stopped (also what happened to his dad btw lol, he knows about them but we never heard from him after, did he ever ask Zane about the girls or do a follow up?). Lewis was always there from the beginning of him finding out, Ash thought it was cool, Zane gave up his search and Will started swimming with Bella, i mean could at least one of them maybe try to exploit them and have that as a mini plot line? Speaking of plot, the whole "home becoming your enemy" thing was stupid, especially because it turned out to be helping them in the end? I would've loved if season 3 had a person as an antagonist with a deeper plot line to make up for the fact that we don't know Bella or Will that much, and the last time we've seen Rikki's house was in S2. ALSO what happened to the lockets? I hated that.
   

I know this was pretty long, but some stuff on this show has been getting on my nerves during my current watch and I just wanted to know if anybody else agrees or anybody else's opinion.

For reference I got my nose pierced about 9 weeks ago and ever since I've been concerned by the angle of the piercing. I know that you're supposed to pierce at a 90° angle to the skin but this one seems so much more downward than it should be even when I account for the curve of my nose (my nose doesn't flare out much at all)
It seems as if this hoop sticks out a lot and also the "exit hole" is much lower than the "entrance hole". Not sure if this is an issue or not.
Btw I just sized up from 18 to 16g in the nose ring and it's very tender and some pus came out today which hadn't happened at all before I had this hoop put in. I was 9 weeks too soon or is this just because of the size of the ring?
I always clean new piercings with salt water (just slightly salty not too much) twice a day or more if they feel like they need it (any additional is usually just a rinse). I'm wondering if the weird angle is making it irritated because it's pulling on the skin.
If anyone can help me put this issue to rest in my mind I'd be forever grateful lol this has been driving me crazy!!! 🤣

Question: If April flowers bring May showers, what do May flowers bring?
Answer: Puritans and misery.
Part 1 - May Flower Moon
I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure this is a ghost story. It all started in early May under the, "Flower Moon".
In the still of the night, I awoke from a deep sleep to witness a moonlight so spectacular it hurt my eyes.
Fumbling for my glasses, I found them, dropped them, cursed, then almost stepped on them. I finally got them where they belonged thinking I needed to use the bathroom. I glanced at the digital clock on my desk.
3:33 am. Again.
Willow weep for me
Bend your branches down along the ground and cover me
-Ann Ronell as sung by Billie Holiday
The birds were chirping loudly. I shuffled to the window. I looked up wide-eyed at the sky. There was the moon; big, round and golden like it didn't mind a big electricity bill. As I used the bathroom, I remember thinking that I didn't ever remember a full moon so bright it could light up my apartment.
I washed my hands then splashed warm water on my face. I cracked my neck. I dried my hands and face with a towel. I remember thinking if I didn't get back to sleep the day was going to suck.
Shuffling back into my bedroom I thought to look for my ski hat. I figured I could pull it over my eyes and escape the light under the blanket. Flower Moon was beautiful but so too is sleep. If I could just hide under the blanket perhaps it wasn't too late for sleep to creep up on me.
I have been renting the same sunny shoebox in old Brooklyn for more than 20 years. It's a corner apartment on the second floor of a 19th century walkup. Across the street, diagonally resides a community garden fronted by a very tall and expansive weeping willow tree that won't let me move away. I didn't know it's age until recently. But it's younger than me. Most things are these days.
I shuffled to the corner window to squeeze the blinds tight and that's when I felt grateful, grateful I had decided to use the bathroom first.
There, at the base of the hundred-foot-tall willow, behind the wrought iron fence, illuminated beneath the moon's glow, I witnessed something that froze my blood and tested my aging bladder. Standing beneath the moonlight, I saw, clear as day, a little boy in footed pajamas with a trap door. The little boy was holding a blue stuffed Grover Muppet in one hand and crying.
Trying to get a good look at the boy was like trying to look at something from behind a campfire. There was a shimmering distortion. What I could clearly see was that he was pointing down at the ground in front of his feet with the non-Grover hand. Suddenly, the little boy spun his head up and around looking directly at me. Eye contact occurred and then too, something I can't explain.
First, a truck transporting fuel broke loudly for the red light at the corner. Through the open windows I smelled what seemed like diesel. I grew light-headed. The room spun around. I remember thinking this feeling smelled both nauseating as well as timeless.
I reached down to try and pick up the floor and that's when it hit me in the face. A sharp pain across my cheek like I had been slapped in a 3 Stooges short. I felt icy fingers grab the hair I had not had in over 30 years and jerk my head back. I smelled more diesel. I grabbed the edge of the desk to keep from losing my balance.
Holding on to the desk, I noticed my mind's eye was playing the little boy's face like a movie. The camera panned in. His little boy face filled my consciousness like I was watching from the front row. He was about four or five years old with long dirty blonde hair. His face looked familiar from a dream.
Then, another slapping pain turned my last good cheek. Losing my balance, I fell ass first to the floor.
Out the window, from on my ass, I watched the traffic light turn green. I heard the truck lurch into gear, rev it's engine then drive away. As it rumbled off into the distance my equilibrium returned.
Muttering my life sucked I gently shook my head and felt for damage. Just my non-existent pride. I got myself vertical, yet once again; feeling a distinct twinge of anxiety.
I looked out the window but the little boy was gone. An FDNY ambulance took his place, it's siren jarring me back to reality. I closed the blinds and got under the blanket. I never did really get back to sleep that night. Or ever since.
Part II - Unhappily Ever Since
Sad as I can be Hear me willow and weep for me... -Billie I keep seeing a little boy under the tree... - me ...
The first thing I want to say is that I keep waking up for decades at exactly 3:33 am.
It's the exact time my decrepit birth certificate claims I was introduced to this world. Can't say why, but ever since digital clocks became a thing, I'm up more often than not to witness 3:33 am transpire. Never remember it happening before digital.
One of my friends recently told me it was an angel number. I don't know anything about angels. Never met one. But I for sure have met some demons in my day. In fact. you might say I was born of demon mother, and I might not be offended. Back to my birth certificate. I was born and yes, still live in Brooklyn, New York. There were gaps but it's my home.
I moved to this particular apartment building a few months after 9/11. I had moved in with a woman at the tail end of doing a romantic nickel, but that fell apart like Madoff, Abramoff or Fuckoff, and she married another dude a year later. So, there in 2002, I and my faithful golden retriever, Spenser, found ourselves, for the very first time, on our own. And, we liked it.
Like I mentioned, Spenser and I lived diagonal to a community garden that fronts a big and beautiful weeping willow tree. I felt an immediate kinship as my favorite book as a child had been, "The Giving Tree" and that's what she reminded me of; only more beautiful.
There will be more about the tree. Anyway, the tree and I dwell in an old part of south Brooklyn called Park Slope, infamous for being the stomping grounds of a young Al Capone, and, believe it or not, young me.
That was a long time ago. Things have changed a lot since Al and I, were separately roaming the streets of Park Slope, looking for adventure and whatever came our way. I came up in the day when if you cried your mother would give you something to cry about. And, not going to lie, I cried a lot. I don't remember my dad that much.
I remember he was a hippie. I remember he had a big beard and moustache and long hair. I remember his denim jacket was always cold, smelling like weed and cigarettes. I remember he gave me, "The Giving Tree" and taught me how to read it. And then, I remember he was; gone. Just. Gone.
I also remember my mother. I remember her never talking much. I remember her just smelling like hair spray, cigarettes and instant coffee with sour milk. I never was able to drink milk, not even as a child, and to this very day just the sight of a milk carton turns my stomach to acid.
I lived alone with the old lady about half a mile from where I live now. Yeah, in over thirty years I made it a whole thirteen blocks. Like I said, my pride was non-existent these days unless I was sitting on it. Another, weird thing besides waking up at 3:33 am is I have a lot of memory lapses. It has been getting worse the last few years. Especially, since old Spenser had a seizure in my arms back on the 9/11 of '09. He was fifteen and my best friend. I'd always loved dogs. But after losing Spenser, I couldn't quite remember things right all the time.
Sometimes, it was little things. Like did I turn off the stove or lock the front door. Other times, it was deep things, like did the telephone repair man try to do something to me when I was five and left home alone. Like did I pull a kitchen knife on him before he scampered out like a thief in the night; scared he'd be caught by my screams for Batman? Did I remember my mother having strange guests over late at night? Did I remember being locked in my room? I just couldn't remember anymore.
I had taken to obsessively keeping lists. But you can't put ghost-busting on a list, can you? And that was my real problem. Ever since, the May Flower Moon the haunting just kept rinsing and repeating. Eat edibles, Nyquil, and Advil PM and still wake up at 3:33am. Smell diesel. Wave of nausea. Little boy in garden. Little boy crying. Little boy pointing at something. Little boy looking up at me. Little boy. Little boy. Little boy.
By last Friday, I was a mess.
My work is suffering. I am too embarrassed to tell my aunt or besties I see a little boy. They already think I am weird enough and last thing I need is a wellness check.
To remain scientific, I have continued my daytime visits to the garden whenever it is open. Everything seems so lovely in the day. I even brought the new woman I am seeing. She fell in love with the tree at first sight. The flowers are gorgeous. And the roses; so mesmerizing. Even the fish in the koi pond are happy.
But at night. Something isn't right.
...Weeping willow tree Weeping sympathy Bent your branches down along the ground and cover me Listen to me plead Hear me willow and weep for me...
My new friend at work I mentioned, who told me about angel numbers, asked me recently if something was bothering me. She told me when we met, she is in the midst of a spiritual awakening.
Part of it includes awakening every morning to read the Tarot cards and commune with who, or what, she calls, "spirit".
I cracked and told her about the little boy under the tree. She didn't bat an eye. She told me spirit wants something from me. I didn't know what to say to that so I just left it alone. I guess I'm afraid what if she's right. And what if I don't like what, "spirit" wants?
Last night was Saturday. I had a dream.
That night I dreamed about a collie I had when I was a very young boy right after my dad split. Her name was Pearl. I had found her on the street on my block and for some inexplicable reason had been allowed to keep her.
Not long after, one hot summer day in Prospect Park, when my mother was going to give me something to cry about, Pearl suddenly ran down the hill she was frolicking on, making a wide sweeping arc that screamed, "ride or die, full throttle, and damn the fucking torpedoes," it's trajectory directly between my mother's legs. Fur overcame flesh just in the nick before I was given something to cry about.
Instead, I laughed.
I laughed so fucking hysterically at the sight of her on the grass, on her ass; smug look gone with the wind; replaced by an expression seething red menace that would have been McCarthy's wet dream.
And, like the little boy at 3:33 am, Pearl's eyes met mine. She seemed to nod her collie head, as if she were acknowledging that, yes, she was the best dog and don't you forget it. I didn't cry much for a while after that till I came home from school and Pearl was gone. Just gone. To some farm I was told. Where she could be happier. So, I guess I did get something to cry about after all.
And then last night I had a dream.
Part III - It weeps for me?
I dreamed of Peter Pan and buried treasure. I dreamed of Stove Stop stuffing and commercials loud enough to drown out a breech birth. I dreamed of Spider-Man letting Uncle Ben's killer go free. I dreamed of being American. I dreamed of Watergate, the fall of the Berlin wall, 9/11 and watching people jump out windows to avoid burning to death out the window of my office.
I dreamed of Iraq and Afghanistan and George Floyd and Covid and never-ending cycles of boom and bust. I dreamed of a golden carrot on what started out as a stick but soon morphed into what I realized was a branch. A long flowing beautiful branch covered in red. A branch that hung low. It swayed along the ground, swayed above my head and there I was.
I was in the garden. Under the tree. I felt drops of warm dew caressing my face. I was about to reach up to caress the tree. My tree. I noticed I was wearing pajamas. Not the black satin jammies I had been wearing for decades but old footie pajamas. They were Star Trek pajamas. With three golden rings on the cuffs and a trap door.
A drop of dew fell in my eye. I wiped it away and looked at my hand. It was red. Red with blood. My Mickey Mouse watch involuntarily color-coordinated with the blood. It appeared to be just after 3:30 am.
Suddenly, a dog appeared. It was Pearl. Then another, it was Spenser. They jammed their snouts into my flannel covered groin. I pet them both and noticed my tears mixing with the dewy blood drops turning them a soft pink under the moonlight.
"Good boy. Good girl." I said.
"Hi," a voice I recognized but couldn't place said.
I looked around. And there, was, the little boy. And, in his hand was Grover.
"Hi," I heard myself say.
"Who's the dog?" he said.
"That's Pearl. And this is Spenser." I answered.
"I know Pearl, silly. She's my dog," then, "Hi, Spenser."
Spenser left my crotch for the little boy's. They went together like peanut butter and sandwiches.
"Where are your parents?" I heard myself ask.
"Dad left. Mom told me to stay here until she comes back."
"When was that?" I asked.
The little boy shrugged then, "Been a while I guess," and he started to cry. Spenser got agitated and started to whine. I approached. I went to put my hand on the boy's shoulder and he jumped.
"Hey, it's okay." I took my hand back.
He looked up at me. Then he said, "You want to see something?
I said, "Yes."
The little boy fished around in his pajamas and pulled out something, it looked like a piece of rolled up construction paper secured with a red ribbon that matched the bloody dew drops.
He un-scrolled it and I showed it to me.
I looked like a child's treasure map. That ended in the garden. Only it wasn't a garden. It said, "JUNK YARD" and there was a big X next to the corner of the rectangle the words were written in. I looked down at him.
"There's no junk yard here, son," I said.
The little boy looked away from Spenser and up at me. Pearl ran to his side. I felt six eyes on me.
"That's what you think," he said
A moment later there was the loud cracking of fireworks being detonated. I awoke in my bed
Fumbling for my glasses, I found them, dropped them, cursed, then almost stepped on them. I finally got them where they belonged thinking I needed to use the bathroom. I glanced at the digital clock on my desk.
3:33 am. Again.
I ran to the window to look out. But, unlike every other time for the past month, the boy was not in residence. He was gone. Just. Gone.
Part IV - The is The End
Gone my lovely dreams To weep my tears along the stream Sad as I can be Hear me willow and weep for me
...
This was fucking ridiculous. I am sane. I am not mad. I'd been reading, "The Giving Tree," too much. Spending too much time alone working from home. Maybe I just needed to get away. Take a trip somewhere.
I realized getting back to sleep was going to be impossible. So, I went into the kitchen and made a pot of tea. No milk.
Back at my desk, my "SHIT. FUCK. DAMN." glass mug of tea firmly in hand, I took a deep breath. There was no point in giving myself a heart attack. Maybe it was just anxiety. Maybe panic attacks. I had dated lots of neurotic women. That could be it. Maybe some Lexapro and I'd be good as new. I decided to check my email.
A woman I used to date from Queens and stayed friends with had sent me a link entitled, "Birth of a community garden." It was video to my garden. Before it was a garden. Over forty years ago. It was a decrepit vacant lot filled with dead cars and refuse and apparently had been a neighborhood drug bazaar. Like I said, things have changed a lot since Al and I were young as springtime.
By the time I moved back you would have never known what things looked like. Spray painted signs that read, "NO DRUGS SOLD HERE!" and the like. Just like the Batman, Dark Knight, the 80s were a time when Urban Renewal was striking back. And before you could say, "corruption at City Hall," there was fecund soil where once had stood God knows what.
It gave me hope that humanity wasn't so bad. Maybe I had just been going through a tough time. Maybe I should quit while I am ahead and get a good night's rest. So, I closed the blinds and went to bed.
Why I am never sleeping again
That night I dreamed I was part of the junk yard's saviors. Hauling out decades of festering trash and replacing it with good old Mother Earth. A whole community coming together to commune with nature. I felt myself smile.
All day we hoed the rows. The fecundity of the soil filling my nostrils. There was food and laughter and soon day turned to night. One by one all the gardeners left into the dusk. Soon I stood alone next to a young woman. She held a green army duffle bag. And two shovels.
"You look like a strong man. They're going to be planting a weeping willow tree here soon. But first, I wanted to leave the earth a gift to grow up. I want to give to the tree. Won't you help me?"
I felt a passing twinge of disgust. I rubbed my upper lip with the back of my hand and thought I smelled the faint smell of diesel. I heard myself say, "Hand me a shovel."
An hour later I had fulfilled the lady's request to deposit the duffel bag deep within the new garden's soil. She lit a cigarette I recognized. She blew some smoke in my face and it smelled like sour milk.
"Ever read a boy and his dog?" she asked.
I nodded.
"This is the opposite," she said. I smelled the diesel again and then remembered no more. This morning I awoke feeling none too swell. I got my glasses on without dropping them for a change then sort of hobbled to the kitchen area to make some tea. I opened the blinds and there was my weeping willow tree. Swaying gently in the Sunday early June overcast chill.
Implacable. Inscrutable. True to it's nature. The day was gray as a widow's anniversary.
Well, there's always tea, I thought, ever the optimist. And then I dropped my, "SHIT. FUCK. DAMN." mug on my foot, simultaneously battering and scalding it. I let out a yelp.
Then, mouth agape, I smelled the diesel waft in the window by the fire escape. The window, where, leaning against the fire escape's stairs I witnessed something that froze my blood and tested my aging bladder.
I spied two shovels and an empty duffle bag.
I wonder what spirit will have to say about that?
Willow Weep For Me?

Used 3 eggs for egg wash for deep fried chicken cutlets and realized after eating the cutlets they had a best by date of 3/27/23 and it’s 6/4/23. How fucked am I? I did the water test after the fact and they floated…

I joined this subreddit a few days before the show started, and there was a post that I found really interesting where u/TeeeeCeeee looked back at the previous Produce seasons + GP999 + Idol School and analyzed some of the most common archetypes found in Mnet survival shows, and I thought that it'll be interesting to go back to that post and try and see which Boys Planet contestants best fit the archetypes they predicted would appear.
(Note: I did not watch any of the Produce seasons nor GP999 nor Idol School so I have no idea what OP is talking about when they list their examples for each archetype but I trust that they’re right)

The Hero/Heroine: This is the protagonist of the show. In some seasons, Mnet's protagonist is a little less easy to identify, but I'll focus here on the most blatant examples. The hero/heroine is youthful and charming but there's some growing they still need to do. This weakness is typically presented in the first couple episodes, and their overcoming this weakness is usually one of the most major storylines in the season. Mnet's heroes and heroines always debut, and they get so much screen time it's difficult for them not to. They're often one of the first contestants we see, but usually not the actual first.

OP listed Somi (S1), Chaeyoung (IS), Sakura (48), Yohan (X), and Dayeon + Chaehyun (GP999) as examples.

It's a little early to know for sure who Mnet's hero will be (ep.1 will certainly make it clear) but there's a pretty good chance it will end up being Sung Hanbin, or any of the shiny boys.

I’d say that they were pretty spot on with Sung Hanbin in terms of the fact that he was the protagonist of the show from the moment that he walked into the Star Level test stage. However, I’m not sure if the show really focused on his weaknesses. We did see him struggle during Tomboy and Say My Name, but those weaknesses weren’t present in the beginning and didn’t really have a storyline during the entire show.

The nation's leader: The trainee who takes charge in the leader role time and again and shows compassion for their teammates, but also leads them to greatness. Someone who makes level-headed calls and also helps out the weak trainees. This is a niche that several trainees will fill early in the season, but only one of them typically makes it to the finale and becomes the nation's leader. It's also an archetype that the contestants seem to know well and gun for frequently, but it's success rates aren't actually fantastic.

OP listed Nayoung (S1), Kim Jonghyeon (S2), and Bora (GP999) as examples.

The nation's leader is usually one of the older trainees, and Ichika and Hui are already looking to be likely candidates. Keep an eye on trainees in the eye contact battle that seem to be very doting on their partner and helpful, especially those helping them translate. Hui's speaking Japanese for the much less confident Hyo is a classic nation's leader move.

I agree with Hui as he was the leader for every single mission in the show and people liked his leadership skills. Ichika was eliminated pretty early on nor was he ever a leader so he doesn't fit OP's definition. Dongyeol was also a contestant who got the leader role in every single mission he was in, but he also didn’t get a lot of screentime and not a lot of people talked about him so unfortunately he doesn’t really count. I’d argue that Park Hanbin was also a nation’s leader as many people liked his military-style training and he ranked first in leadership in that one subreddit talent survey. On top of that, his K-Group Hot Sauce team was the only team whose members all survived the first elimination. People also liked Zhang Hao and Jiwoong as leaders and they both made it into the final lineup, but neither of them actually ended up becoming the leader of the group.

The faildol: Often going hand in hand with the leader archetype is the trainee who seems to be way out of their league, looking lost and generally failing at every mission they try to do, but not failing too hard. Being endearing is the primary factor that makes the faildol such a successful archetype, and it's one of Mnet's absolute favorites … Somebody who isn't talented (yet) but they're down to earth and likeable.

OP listed Sohye (S1) and Hyewon (48) as examples.

Early candidate is Lee Daeul, who fans are already noticing can't dance, but at least he's cute! In kpop, for many, that's what really matters.

Daeul fits OP’s definition of a “faildol” pretty well; he didn’t have a lot of training but he was endearing, and Seunghwan (who you can also argue as someone who fits the leader archetype) took good care of him when they were both 2-stars. Unfortunately, he was not one of Mnet’s favorites as he got a really bad evil edit in episode 4 that caused his rank to plummet down to 46th after the 1st elimination ended and the votes resetted. Another example might be Takuto, who also lacked training but was very cute and charming. Mnet constantly edited him with cute sound effects, but they also focused on him struggling in the missions a lot as well.

The wonder kid: Opposed to the last few archetypes, the wonder kid never debuts, but an Mnet show isn't complete without them. The trainee who's young, probably too young to be on the show, but wow, they sure can dance. You're kidding, they can sing too? This kid's going places … Surely these kids are too talented to overlook, until their age holds them back, but they often work wonders for this next archetype.

OP listed Woojin (S2) and Haeun (48) as examples.

Likely candidates are any of the 07/08 kids, we'll have to see which one gets that golden ep.1/ep.2 edit.

I’m not sure if there were really any contestants in Boys Planet who fit this archetype. The closest example would be Yujin, who dances well especially for someone who was born in 07 and has only been dancing for a year, but that’s pretty much it (edit: also Yujin debuted so actually I’m not sure if he really fits OP’s definition).

The Ideal Hyung/Unnie: They're effortlessly cool and pretty, down to earth in a believable way, and are always looking out for the little guy, whether that be the faildol or the wonder kid. They're probably a little doting too, but it's not quite motherly/fatherly. A little tomboyish or distinctly masculine. The sort of person you'd want to have your back, the perfect older sibling … This archetype has been watered down and more of a micro-archetype in recent seasons, but I think it's pretty likely to make a resurgence this time around, especially with the contesants skewing older.

OP listed Sejeong (S1) and Daniel (S2) as examples.
I think a good example for this archetype is Jiwoong. He’s definitely masculine and has a “cool” vibe, but he’s also down to earth and has a goofy side to him. He also has almost a fatherly relationship with Yujin, whom I listed as a potential example for the Wonder Kid.

The One True Main Vocal: Is pretty self explanatory. It's the trainee who can hit high notes like no other. Every kpop group needs a main vocalist and this trainee is essential for the debut team. Typically this means they barely scrape by to the final elimination and get panic-voted into the lineup. It's also key for there to be several contestants of this archetype, so Mnet can pit them against each other for drama. This archetype can even pretty consistently make the debut team even after getting some bad edits.

OP listed Yeonjung (S1), Jaehwan (S2), Yuri, Goeun, Haeyoon, and Chowon (S3) as examples.

Kim Taerae seems like he'll be in the running, but there will definitely be many more alongside him.

I’m honestly pretty impressed with how OP managed to predict Taerae, as not only was he one of the contestants who were highlighted as a main vocal, but he also made it into the final lineup. On top of that, they also managed to predict that he would get panic-voted into the lineup since that's kinda what happened after the final interim rankings dropped. Other candidates for The One True Main Vocal were Hui, Jay, and Seungeon (OP also predicted the “pit them against each other for drama” correctly, especially with Hui and Jay during LMR), but ultimately it was Taerae who rose on top.

The Born Dancer: Also self explanatory, these are the trainees that are the best dancers on the planet and Mnet is going to make sure you know it, even if you don't know anything about dance whatsoever. They've probably been dancing since they were a baby, and they probably also learn choreography in 30 seconds … Unlike when it comes to main vocals, there will probably only be one main dancer push from mnet, despite many potential candidates.

OP listed Chungha (S1) and Chaeyeon (48) as examples.
There were a fair amount of main dancer candidates during this show (Sung Hanbin, Park Hanbin, Zihao, etc.) but honestly I feel like this show didn’t really focus that much on who can dance well? I feel like whenever the show did focus on dance it was more focused on who dances poorly and is “hindering” the rest of the team, but idk I could be wrong. Anyway, I think Park Hanbin fits this archetype the best. Idk if he’s been dancing since he was a baby, but Mnet put a lot of focus on him being a very fast learner (cue to him learning both the En Garde and Switch choreos) and a very good dance teacher.

The Underdog: There's something inherently underwhelming about his trainee, but when they come on stage they come alive. Maybe they're meek and shy, maybe their visuals aren't up to snuff, but that just makes them more relatable. Maybe they just aren't ranking as high as the objectively should, and that just makes you root for them harder.

OP listed Yoojung (S1), Hyeongjun (X), and Youngeun (GP999) as examples.
I… honestly don’t know who to put for this archetype. Maybe Jay? Since he unfortunately had quite the hate train going but that also made his supporters root for him even more. He did rank pretty high throughout the show though, so I’m not sure if he was really an “underdog.”

The Vitamin: Endlessly energetic, naturally funny, and always optimistic. Mnet loves to have a tense scene of team conflict then immediately cut to a vitamin doing something endearing for the cameras. The vitamin is the variety star to be … While the success-rate for vitamins has definitely gone down over time, their frequency has not wavered, and there will surely be several this season as well.

OP listed Yena (48) and Seungyoun (X) as examples.
This is definitely Seowon. That one scene during the reevaluations when everyone was stressed and anxious meanwhile here comes Seowon happily doing his audition and going “this is so fun :D” afterwards… yeah this archetype belongs to him. Woongki also fits this archetype as well; he’s funny and very energetic and is Seowon’s partner in crime. Both of them were the variety stars in the show (unfortunately they also didn’t make it into the final lineup).

The Flower Boy: A little effeminate, probably very comfortable doing aegyo. They're usually a bit of a toned down vitamin, and they're often a big victim of mnet forcing shipping. Smiley and upbeat and will probably be put into a fluffy sweater at some point.

OP listed Jihoon + Daehwi (S2) and Dongpyo + Hyeongjun (X) as examples.

Woonggi and Sungmin were World Klass' flower boys so there's a decent chance they'll take up the mantle again. From what I've seen, Seo Won or Jung Hojin might also fit this archetype well.

Alright I know I literally just listed Seowon and Woongki as examples for the Vitamin archetype but they also kind of fit the Flower Boy archetype as well. I don’t think they were “toned down vitamins,” but they’re pretty feminine and comfortable with doing aegyo. I think OP might be right with Hojin (based on that one dorm scene where Woongki, Seowon, and Hojin danced to Hype Boy), but he also didn’t get a lot of screentime so it’s a bit hard to tell. Same thing with Sungmin.

The Big 3 Dropout: A trainee once from a prestigious company but who got overlooked for debut and is now on the rocks, desperate for debut. Mnet makes sure you know they're a bit different from the rest, there's something inherently better about them. They must be talented to have been in such a big agency, but they're also a built in underdog for having failed already … Being from a Big 3 agency isn't a guarantee you'll get this archetype either, you just have to get lucky and hope Mnet picks you to be the lucky one, there's always many who get overlooked.

OP listed Herin + Seoyeon + Jiwon (IS), Chaeyeon (48), and Chaehyun + Mashiro (GP999) as examples.

The Loud contestants have a good chance of getting this archetype for this season.

To be honest, I don’t think this show really focused on which companies/survival shows the contestants have trained/participated in before. There’s no/barely any mention of some of the contestants being in Loud or being former Cube trainees, so I don’t think this archetype is really present in the show.

The Desperate Idol: Maybe their group is struggling, maybe it's already gone. Regardless, this is a trainee who's already made debut but has struggled to find success for one reason or another. Every season has a ton of contestants who have already debuted in one way or another but you've got to be from a decently high profile group to score this archetype. What's important that you know about this contestant is that it might just be their last chance. Don't you feel sorry for them? Aren't they too good to let slip through the cracks? The likelihood of a very nugu group member getting this edit is very unlikely.

OP listed Chaeyeon (S1), NU’EST (S2), Kaeun (48), Wooseok (X), and Yujin (GP999) as examples.

Hui is a given for this edit, but it's also possible the guys from Up10tion might get it too. Woonggi and Sungmin are unlikely to get this edit due to the circumstances of their leaving the group, and Seunghwan is also unlikely due to be the winner of an MBC survival show. Can't be promoing the rival networks. The other contestants from other groups are likely all much too nugu for mnet to name drop them.

OP was right about Hui getting this edit as well as Woongki and Seunghwan not getting this edit. Sungmin did briefly mention “leaving” TO1 and saying that this is his last chance during the Rush Hour conflict though. Up10tion and NINE.i were also very briefly mentioned during Hui’s segment but that was kinda it, so yeah it was mainly Hui who got this edit.
This was pretty fun to write lol

Wish List: Teslas below, AA/SS/1S melee below, rare apparel/masks, or Vanguard Scout armor with +Strength/Cavalier
I still need the following Teslas: H/50c/25,,, Jug/50c/25,,, Med/50L/15r,,, Troub/50c/25
I still need the following AA/SS/1S melee: cultist blade,,, gulper smacker
Complete Trade List: (Thank you for your time browsing this huge list!!!)
FIXERS: AA/25/15r,,, AA/25/15v,,, AA/50c/15v,,, AA/50vhc/25,,, AA/50L/25,,, AA/AP/25,,, AA/E/Dur,,, Ari/25/15r,,, Ari/E/15r,,, Ari/E/25,,, B/25/15v,,, B/50L/25,,, BAP/25,,, Exe/25/25,,, Exe/50c/25,,, Exe/AP/25,,, Exe/E/25,,, F/50c/25,,, GouE/25,,, GS/50c/25,,, GS/E/25,,, H/50c/25,,, Jug/50c/25,,, Jug/AP/25,,, Junk/25/15r,,, Junk/50c/15v,,, Junk/50c/25,,, Junk/50L/25,,, Junk/AP/25,,, Junk/E/15v,,, Med/25/25,,, Med/50c/25,,, Med/AP/25,,, Mu/AP/25,,, MS/50c/25,,, MS/AP/25,,, N/AP/25,,, N/E/25,,, Q/25/15r,,, Q/25/15v,,, Q/AP/25,,, St/50c/25,,, St/AP/25,,, St/E/25,,, Su/50c/25,,, Su/AP/25,,, Su/E/25,,, T/50c/25,,, T/AP/25,,, TS/25/15r,,, TS/25/15v,,, TS/50vhc/25,,, TS/AP/25,,, V/AP/25,,, Z/25/25,,, Z/E/25
HANDMADES: AA/E/15v,,, Junk/25/15r,,, MS/E/25,,, Mu/E/25,,, Mu/50c/25,,, Q/50vhc/25
HEAVY WEAPONS: AA/25/90 AGL,,, AA/25/15r Cryolator,,, AA/25/90 Harpoon Gun,,, As/25A/90 Fatman,,, As/25/90 Gatling Plasma,,, B/E/Gho 50cal,,, B/25A/90 Cryolator,,, B/50L/90 Cryolator,,, B/25A/90 Missile Launcher,,, B/50vhc/90 Missile Launcher,,, B/50L/90 AGL,,, Exe/50c/15r Flamer,,, Exe/25A/90 Gatling Plas,,, Exe/E/25 LMG,,, F/50c/25 Cryolator,,, Q/25/15v LMG,,, Q/50L/90 Minigun,,, TS/25/15r Gatling Gun,,, TS/E/25 Minigun,,, V/25/15r 50cal,,, V/25A/90 Cryolator,,, V/25/25 Gatling Gun,,, V/50L/90 Harpoon Gun,,, Z/E/90 LMG
MELEE: AA/SS/1S Death Tambo,,, AA/SS/1S Deathclaw Gauntlet,,, AA/40P/1S Gulper Smacker,,, AA/SS/1S Pole Hook,,, AA/50c/15v Power Fist,,, AA/SS/1S Super Sledge,,, Ari/SS/1S Shovel,,, Ari/SS/1S Sledgehammer,,, As/40P/1S Chainsaw,,, As/40P/1S Drill,,, B/SS/1S Deathclaw Gauntlet,,, B/SS/25 Gulper Smacker,,, B/SS/25 Meat Hook,,, B/SS/1S Power Fist,,, Exe/40P/25 Drill,,, Exe/50c/1S Power Fist,,, Ext/SS/1S Drill,,, F/40P/40 Chainsaw,,, GS/SS/1S Chainsaw,,, I/SS/1S Death Tambo,,, I/SS/1S Golf Club,,, I/SS/1S Super Sledge,,, Junk/SS/1S Assaultron Blade,,, Junk/SS/1S Security Baton,,, Mu/SS/1S Deathclaw Gauntlet,,, MS/SS/1S Shishkebab,,, Su/SS/1S Spear,,, Su/SS/1S Tire Iron,,, Troub/SS/1S Bowie Knife,,, Troub/SS/1S Golf Club,,, V/SS/1S Combat Knife,,, V/SS/1S Deathclaw Gauntlet,,, V/SS/1S Pole Hook,,, V/SS/1S Sledgehammer,,, Z/SS/1S Fire Axe,,, Z/SS/1S Knuckles,,, Z/SS/1S Pipe Wrench
RAILWAYS: AA/50c/25,,, AA/50vhc/25,,, AA/E/15v,,, AA/E/25,,, Ari/25/15r,,, B/50vhc/25,,, B/E/15r,,, B/E/90,,, F/50c/25,,, F/E/25,,, GS/25/25,,, GS/50c/25,,, H/50c/25,,, I/25/25,,, I/50c/25,,, Junk/E/25,,, Q/50L/90,,, St/50c/25,,, Su/E/25,,, TS/50L/25,,, TS/50vhc/25,,, TS/50c/15r,,, TS/AP/25,,, TS/E/Dur,,, V/25/25,,, V/50c/25,,, Z/E/90
TESLAS: AA/25/15r,,, AA/50L/15r,,, AA/AP/25,,, B/25/Gho,,, Exe/25/15r,,, Ext/25/15r,,, F/25/15r,,, I/25/15r,,, Q/25/250,,, Q/AP/25,,, TS/25/15r,,, TS/25/25,,, V/25/250,,, V/25/Dur,,, V/50L/15r,,, Z/25/15r
AA/25/25 Assaultron Head,,, AA/50c/15v Crossbow,,, AA/50L/25 Enclave Plasma Rifle,,, AA/25/25 Gamma Gun,,, AA/E/15r Hunting Rifle,,, B/AP/25 Compound Bow,,, B/25/25 Gauss Rifle,,, Exe/50c/25 Combat Rifle,,, Exe/50c/25 Double Barrel,,, Exe/E/25 Hunting Rifle,,, Exe/E/25 Lever Action,,, F/50c/15v Compound Bow,,, F/E/25 Double Barrel,,, F/50c/15v Thirst Zapper,,, GouE/25 Double Barrel,,, Gou25/25 Lever Action,,, GS/50c/25 Gamma Gun,,, Jug/E/25 Combat Rifle,,, Jug/50c/25 Laser Rifle,,, Junk/50c/25 Enclave Plasma Rifle,,, Mu/50c/25 Crossbow,,, N/25/25 Enclave Plasma Rifle,,, N/50c/25 Enclave Plasma Rifle,,, Q/50c/25 Assaultron Head,,, Q/25/15r Combat Shotgun,,, Q/25/15r Plasma Rifle,,, St/50c/25 Crossbow,,, St/E/25 Single Action Revolver,,, Su/25/25 Radium Rifle,,, TS/25/15r Combat Rifle,,, TS/50c/25 Combat Rifle,,, V/25/15r Enclave Plasma Rifle,,, V/50c/25 Bow,,, V/AP/25 Crossbow,,, V/50c/25 Gauss Rifle
ARMOR: Aristocrat's Heavy Robot left leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Assassin's Heavy Combat right leg with Strength/Sentinel,,, Assassin's Marine right leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Assassin's T-45 right leg with AP/Sentinel,,, Assassin's USA left arm with +25 Poison resist/Sentinel,,, Auto Stim Heavy Robot right leg with +25 Cryo resist/Sentinel,,, Auto Stim Raider Power left arm with AP/Sentinel,,, Auto Stim USA right arm with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Auto Stim USA right arm with AP/WWR,,, Auto Stim USA right leg with 7%LED/WWR,,, Auto Stim USA right leg with Strength/WWR,,, Bolstering FSA chest with 7%LED/WWR,,, Bolstering FSA left leg with AP/Sentinel,,, Bolstering Marine right arm with +25 Cryo resist/Sentinel,,, Bolstering Sturdy Combat left leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Bolstering Trapper chest with AP/Cavalier,,, Bolstering Trapper right arm with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Bolstering USA left arm with 7%LED/FDC,,, Bolstering USA left leg with slowed hungeWWR,,, Bolstering USA right leg with Agility/Cavalier,,, Bolstering USA right leg with Charisma/Sentinel,,, Chameleon FSA left leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Chameleon Heavy Leather right arm with AP/WWR,,, Chameleon Marine right leg with AP/HDT,,, Chameleon Raider Power right leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Chameleon Robot chest with 7%LED/WWR,,, Chameleon Trapper left leg with AP/Cavalier,,, Chameleon USA chest with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Chameleon USA left arm with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Chameleon USA left leg with +25 Cryo resist/Sentinel,,, Chameleon USA right arm with 7%LED/WWR,,, Chameleon USA right leg with AP/FDC,,, Cloaking Raider Power right leg with 7%LED/WWR,,, Cloaking USA right arm with 7%LED/HDT,,, Exterminator's FSA right arm with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Exterminator's FSA right leg with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Ghoul Slayer's FSA right leg with AP/Cavalier,,, Life Saving Combat left leg with AP/WWR,,, Life Saving Trapper left leg with AP/Sentinel,,, Life Saving Trapper right leg with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Life Saving USA left arm with AP/Cavalier,,, Life Saving USA right arm with +25 Poison resist/Sentinel,,, Mutant's Excavator left arm with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Mutant's FSA chest with 7%LED/WWR,,, Mutant's FSA left leg with 7%LED/WWR,,, Nocturnal Excavator right leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Nocturnal Marine right arm with AP/Cavalier,,, Nocturnal USA right leg with AP/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Combat left arm with +25 Cryo resist/Cavalier,,, Overeater's Excavator right leg with Luck/Cavalier,,, Overeater's FSA chest with Endurance/Sentinel,,, Overeater's FSA right arm with Luck/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Heavy Combat left arm with 7%LED/JWR,,, Overeater's Heavy Combat right leg with Perception/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Heavy Metal left leg with Strength/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Heavy Raider left arm with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Overeater's Heavy Raider left leg with Charisma/WWR,,, Overeater's Heavy Robot chest with +25 Rad resist/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Heavy Robot left leg with Agility/WWR,,, Overeater's Marine left leg with slowed hungeWWR,,, Overeater's Marine right arm with +25 Rad resist/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Marine right leg with +25 Fire resist/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Metal left leg with +25 Cryo resist/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Robot right leg with Endurance/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Trapper left leg with +25 Fire resist/Sentinel,,, Overeater's Trapper left arm with AP/HDT,,, Overeater's Trapper left leg with Perception/WWR,,, Overeater's Trapper right arm with Luck/WWR,,, Overeater's T-60 left arm with +25% Env resist/WWR,,, Overeater's T-60 left arm slowed hungeWWR,,, Overeater's USA chest with +25 Cryo resist/HDT,,, Overeater's USA left arm with +25 Poison resist/Sentinel,,, Overeater's USA right leg with slowed hungeFDC,,, Overeater's Wood left arm with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Regenerating Heavy Leather right leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Regenerating Heavy Raider right arm with AP/Sentinel,,, Troubleshooter's Excavator right arm with 7%LED/Cavalier,,, Troubleshooter's Marine left arm with AP/Sentinel,,, Troubleshooter's Sturdy Metal right leg with AP/Sentinel,,, Unyielding FSA chest with Intelligence/Dur,,, Unyielding FSA left arm with Charisma/Cavalier,,, Unyielding FSA left leg with AP/FDC,,, Unyielding Heavy Combat chest with Strength/HDT,,, Unyielding Heavy Combat right arm with +25 Poison resist/JWR,,, Unyielding Heavy Combat right leg with 7%LED/Less limb dam,,, Unyielding Heavy Leather right arm with AP/HDT,,, Unyielding Heavy Metal right leg with Endurance/Sentinel,,, Unyielding Marine right arm with +25 Rad resist/Cavalier,,, Unyielding Marine right leg with +25 Fire resist/WWR,,, Unyielding Metal chest with AP/HDT,,, Unyielding Metal right leg with AP/Cavalier,,, Unyielding Robot right arm with Agility/Sentinel,,, Unyielding Sturdy Leather left arm with Strength/WWR,,, Unyielding Sturdy Leather left leg with 7%LED/Sentinel,,, Unyielding Sturdy Metal chest with AP/WWR,,, Unyielding Sturdy Metal left arm with +25 Rad resist/Sentinel,,, Unyielding Trapper left leg with AP/Cavalier,,, Unyielding Trapper right arm with 7%LED/HDT,,, Unyielding USA chest with Charisma/Cavalier,,, Unyielding USA left arm with +25% Env resist/Cavalier,,, Unyielding USA left leg with Charisma/Cavalier,,, Unyielding USA right leg with +25 Poison resist/JWR,,, Unyielding Wood chest with Luck/Cavalier,,, Vanguard's Excavator right leg with Intelligence/Cavalier,,, Vanguard's FSA left arm with slowed hungeSentinel,,, Vanguard's Heavy Leather right arm with 7%LED/HDT,,, Vanguard's Heavy Robot right arm with 7%LED/HDT,,, Vanguard's Marine right arm with AP/HDT,,, Vanguard's Sturdy Robot left arm with AP/Sentinel,,, Vanguard's Sturdy Robot right leg with 7%LED/WWR,,, Vanguard's USA chest with Luck/Sentinel,,, Vanguard's USA left arm with Intelligence/Sentinel,,, Vanguard's USA right arm with AP/Cavalier,,, Vanguard's Wood chest with Strength/Sentinel,,, Weightless USA left arm with Strength/Sentinel,,, Weightless USA right leg with AP/Cavalier,,, Zealot's USA right arm with AP/WWR,,, Zealot's USA right leg with AP/WWR
PLANS: Alien Blaster,,, Assault rifle,,, Barbed walking cane,,, Baseball bat rocket,,, Baseball bat searing puncturing rocket,,, Bear arm,,, Bear arm heavy mod,,, Boxing glove lead lining,,, Camo Backpack,,, Cave cricket tube,,, Deathclaw gauntlet,,, Dense marine armor torso,,, Dense trapper armor torso,,, Fire station bell,,, Flannel shirt & jeans,,, Hatchet electro fusion,,, Junkyard fountain,,, Machete sacrificial blade,,, Meat Tenderizer,,, Nuka girl area rug,,, Pepper Shaker,,, Pitchfork flamer,,, Protective lining marine underarmor,,, Protective lining raider underarmor,,, Puncturing pole hook,,, Radioactive barrel,,, Raw cement barricade,,, Scorchbeast queen plushie,,, Scorched tube,,, Shielded lining casual underarmor,,, Shielded lining marine underarmor,,, Shielded lining raider underarmor,,, Ski sword skate blade,,, Skiing outfit,,, Sledgehammer heavy searing sharp rocket,,, Small vault girl statue,,, Snallygaster plushie,,, Spiked walking cane,,, The Fixer,,, T-60 BOS knight paint,,, TV Aquarium,,, Ultracite emergency protocols,,, Undershirt & jeans,,, Vintage water cooler,,, WV state bird rug,,, Yao Guai tube,,, Cutting fluid recipe,,, Fasnacht donut recipe,,, Fasnacht sausage recipe,,, Healing salve Cranberry Bog recipe,,, Healing salve Mire recipe,,, Formula P recipe,,,Stimpak Diffuser recipe,,, Tato salad recipe
APPAREL: Asylum Uniform Pink,,, Clean Spacesuit,,, Emmett Mountain hazmat suit,,, Garrahan Foreman Outfit and Helmet,,, Grey Fishermans Overalls,,, Hunter's Long Coat,,, Longshoreman Outfit,,, Skiing red and green outfit,,, Straight Jacket Clean,,, ,, Winter Jacket and Jeans
CHEMS: Addictol: 180,,, Berry Mentats: 642,,, Buffout: 1518,,, Calmex: 538,,, Daddy-O: 1068,,, Day Tripper: 797,,, Disease Cure: 415,,, Mentats: 1000,,, Overdrive: 557,,, Psycho: 2803,,, Psychobuff: 1366,,, Psychotats: 1227,,, X-cell: 344
FOOD: Canned meat stew: 65,,, Pepper: 2566,,, Salt: 967,,, Spices: 1430,,, Sugar Bombs(w/rads): 382
MODS: Enclave plasma aligned flamer mod,,, Enclave plasma aligned sniper barrel mod,,, Enclave plasma severe beta wave tuner

Chapter 1: A Scary Surprise:
Everyone wakes up all over Hope’s Pinnacle, although they have no memory of the place, but they do remember being classmates. It’s the standard DR intro sequence complete with everyone assembling at the auditorium to meet the headmaster and learn the rules.
Nagisa is the first victim and is found the morning after a dinner party all 24 students attended. She is caught in a net-and-wire trap, strangled to death. The class trial reveals that Miiko is the killer, having created the trap as a prank for Haruna, although she swears that there was supposed to be a safety feature installed that prevented strangulation.
Her execution is "Happy Adventure Queen!!!'s Last Hike" and involves her being grabbed by the throat by Monochio's tail and thrown out of the trial room onto a landing strip. She outruns a plane by jumping into the sea at the end of the strip only to be slammed back out of the water by an approaching submarine designed to look like a shark. She lands in a forest of cute woodland creatures smiling down at her, but then they turn into zombie animals and eat her alive until only bones remain.
One DR trope in this chapter is the important connection between the first victim and another important character. My AU doesn't technically have a main protagonist, since it rotates around the entire D4 cast, but Nagisa is of course very important to Hiiro, but that significance is not revealed until Hiiro is outed as one of Junko's masterminds at the end of the saga.
I took her quote from the Indigo Bullet event as to why she would want to lure Nagisa to her death so early on. Not only did she view it as romantic to be the one that got to kill Nagisa, even if indirectly, it also spared Nagisa the horror of living through the rest of the game.
Also, during the first trial, I had it in mind that the closest there could be to a protagonist would be Saki. Her Synesthesia allows her to see color when people sing or speak, which is exactly what happens in class trials as the player must shoot at the proper statements and phrases, often of which are color-coded.
Plus, DR is heavy on gun visuals and I remember thinking about 4 Challenges the first time I imagined Saki as a DR protag in a class trial.
Chapter 2: In Heaven Hell, and in Hell Heaven:
Saki’s Synesthesia is deemed a threat by Monochio and she is slated for execution. It changes the motive by giving everyone videos from Hope’s Peak, incentivizing everyone to look for more memories that Monochio left around the school’s basement, hidden inside flashback lights. Saki finds one that shows her time as a Despair and, without thinking, she breaks into a locked room in the basement and that is what she is punished for. Her execution is the D4V4 Blastoff!!!! Inspired by DR’s three rocket executions (Jin, Junko, Kaito).
After Saki is executed, Kurumi reveals some of her own plans, one of which includes sneaking into the same room Saki did because Kurumi also wants to see the extra flashback lights. Her motivation is seeing more of Miiko, and more of Miiko’s memories, having defended her as fiercely as Taka defended Mondo in the first trial.
Thanks to her Prank Talent, Kurumi is able to create a device that allows her to steal the spare flashback lights without technically entering the locked room, thus avoiding punishment. But not long after, Kurumi is ambushed by two of the masterminds when they spot her with all the spare FBLs. They attack her with a poison meant to lobotomize her, but Haruna and Miyu find her and attempt to save her.
For once, Miyu’s luck works in reverse and the first antidote-medicine she grabs is something made by Monochio with the specific condition that it fixes ailments and ails “fixed things”. As such, because the poison Kurumi was injected with was not technically lethal, Miyu’s medicine actually poisons her.
She and Haruna use the trial to try to figure out who attacked Kurumi, but they run out of time and Miyu is forced to confess. Haruna, however, interjects and reveals that she is the true killer. After Miyu injected Kurumi with the poison, Haruna sent her to fetch another antidote and in the two minutes Miyu was gone, Haruna smothered Kurumi to death to protect Miyu from execution.
Kurumi consents to this and her final words are wishing Haruna luck, calling her “Chairman” one last time. The fact that only Haruna knows Kurumi’s final word is what condemns her and her execution is called “After School Detention with the Chairman”. It involves her standing in front of robotic replicas of her classmates, reading to them from the Bible, but they throw things at her of increasing danger. For example, at first, it’s just pencils and erasers. Then it’s desks and scissors.
Haruna is finally beaten to death by the robot students, the exact fatal blow coming from the Kurumiiko bots, which are wearing Kurumi and Miiko’s skin. They attack Haruna with chairs.
One DR trope in this chapter is a secret revealed. In this case, it’s Towa’s true Talent. In a side-debate, it is discovered that she is not the Ult. Idol, rather, the Ult. Idol Enthusiast. Another DR trope in this chapter is serial killer talk, segueing from Miiko to Genocide Jack, who makes another link to the D4-verse by being the headcanoned mascot of the D4 game "Dance 4 Dangerous/Deadly Jack".

Now, as a fellow crypto main, I can guarantee that we all feel a little tired of crypto's passive, and I will admit that I would love to have the off-the-grid concept as his passive. However, I have a different idea; this makes sense lore-wise, just like o-t-g, but what I believe is a lot less broken and makes slightly more sense, gameplay-wise. The idea is for him to be able to scan ring consoles just like controller legends but as a passive, similar to Pathfinder's old passive (which I also want to be reinstated, just not with ring consoles and instead survey beacons). This passive revolves around the idea that his drone can slightly be used to control areas due to many people not wanting to be spotted by the drone and the fact that the emp can sometimes flush opponents out. Knowing where the ring is can help with this because you can know where the enemies are and where the ring is, allowing for to be able to discern where they might be so you can then drone and emp them, forcing them to take a different in order to not be detected. Lore-wise, it also makes sense because his brother (Caustic) and girlfriend (Wattson) are both controller legends causing him to maybe want to adopt some of their ideas. With this update to his passive, I would also like for his drone to be able to turn into a "camera," which would happen when you back the drone into a wall or roof and click the prompt on the screen. It would also make his drone invincible, but you can't activate your emp, allowing for it to annoy players due to the scanning, protect your team from flanks, and force enemies to move somewhere else to avoid the scans. These ideas came to me in the shower, so take them with a grain of a salt and please provide feedback. Otherwise, thanks for reading, and have a nice [offthegrid] rest of your day, however long that may be.

1. "I messed up a jump skydiving. I was able to correct the situation and pull the pilot chute for my canopy, but I was very, very close to having my reserve go off. The reserves are generally reliable, but it’s still nothing I want to test. Landed fine and then got a very stern talking-to for pulling so low."
2. "Just google 'Levey PCH,' then ask away…I’ll be very surprised if anyone can beat what happened to me. THANK WHOEVEWHATEVER you believe in for Apple, Scorpion, UCLA, and the LA County Fire Department and Sheriff's Department."
3. "Minutes before it happened, I was under the Cypress structure that collapsed during the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake in California (which was a magnitude 6.9). I was traveling north underneath the double-layered structure and felt creepy and claustrophobic on the brightest day. I raced to get out, as I always did, because I hated being under it. After getting out, I felt like my tire had gone flat and started to weave around in my lane, then I noticed that everyone else was losing control and hitting their brakes too. That was the earthquake. I didn't find out until later about the collapse, and felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I'd never felt so close to death before."
4. "I was rappelling off the top of the tallest building in Bangkok (200 meters, or 656 feet) as a promotional stunt. I was supposed to rappel down to the 10th floor, land on a small balcony, and then traverse over to another building. The wind shear off the building was enough to blow me 20–30 feet away from the side of the building. Picture a spider hanging by a thread in the wind. As I got close to the 10th floor, I noticed that my rope had been cut and no longer reached the balcony, let alone the ground. The rope was about 10 feet short of the landing. So, still blowing away from the side of the building, off and on I waited until I was just above the balcony and dropped the last several feet onto the deck. Super pissed but alive."
5. "Going to school in San Francisco, I got off the bus to get cigarettes and a soda at a liquor store. I stopped at the trash can on the way out to open my cigarettes and soda and walked half a block up the street when a crane fell off the roof right where I'd been standing 30 seconds before. The crane operator was killed, and half a minute earlier, I would have been as well."
6. "Although being an ironworker comes with its fair share of risk, as long as you don’t become too incompetent, things can be safe. But that is easier said than done, seeing as the days are long and the work is physically draining. One day, I was about 60 feet in the air rigging a beam to be lowered to the ground. I signaled the crane operator to 'cable up' (lift the beam), but the beam wasn’t budging. I decided to look down the beam to see what was wrong...BANG! Before I knew it, the beam broke free and came up at my face with about 2,000 pounds of force. It knocked off my hard hat and hit every edge of my safety glasses, missing the side of my face by a quarter inch. I thought I had died, it was so sudden. I should never have put myself in what we call 'the line of fire.' I’ll never forget how close my kids were to losing their father that day because I let my judgment slip. Still gives me goosebumps talking about it."
7. "I got hit by a car and walked away with no injuries. The Sunday before final exams during my last semester of college, I went to the library at 6 a.m. to study. At 2 p.m., I needed a break and started walking back to my car. At an intersection, I stopped, made eye contact with the driver of a car at a stop sign, and started walking across the street on a crosswalk. The next thing I knew, I was up on the windshield of a Jeep Grand Cherokee. He hit the brakes, and I rolled off the hood of his car and landed on my feet. I was so freaked out that I told the guy I was fine and left. Later that afternoon, I went to the hospital to get checked out and had no injuries. The doctor told me to buy a lottery ticket on my way home because I was so lucky."
8. "While I was doing the dishes, my hip bumped the dial on my stove, turning it to ignite, but I didn't notice, so the stove was leaking gas all night. In the morning, I could tell something smelled off, but I have a hard time smelling things, so I just figured it was some old cauliflower rice I had thrown out the night before. To deal with the smell, I lit not one, but two candles, one of which was right next to the stove. Later, after coming back from running errands, as soon as I opened the door, I felt instantly violently ill, like a migraine and the flu all at once. Probably 20 minutes later, I finally saw the knob on the stove and realized what was happening."
9. "One time, I was watching TV in my lounge room and I was sitting on the floor eating. We have a really big TV and we had an earthquake, but I thought it was a train passing by. It wasn't. I ran out of the room as everything started to wobble, and the TV nearly fell on top of me."
10. "I went to summer camp when I was 15, and for our last weekend activity, they took us to Martha’s Vineyard and rented us bikes. Now, I loved riding bikes in the park as a kid but had never ridden in the street. But since 'you never forget how to ride a bike,' I figured I could do it. I headed out and tried to go up a street that was very steep. I started to lose control of the bike, and I fell into the street in between a truck that was hauling a trailer (I fell in front of the trailer). I saw this huge wheel coming at me, and my leg was stuck from the fall. I screamed as hard as I could and hoped it wouldn’t kill me (others told me they heard it a few streets away). The driver luckily heard it and slammed on the brakes; I was scuffed up but otherwise fine. You can indeed forget how to ride a bike."
11. "I got hit by a train. I was living and working at a college that has train tracks running through it and only a stop sign before you cross them at the vehicle intersection. You had to cross the tracks to leave campus. I was headed to the gym in July, and the windows were rolled up and the AC and radio were blasting. I’d crossed that crossing a thousand times, so I stopped a bit, passed the stop sign, and looked right, but the train was coming from the left. Its horn blew, but I panicked when I heard it, so I hit the accelerator but braked immediately. I was already on the tracks. It only hit my front end and dragged me about 200 feet down the tracks. I only had a broken rib, three cracked ribs, and a pretty gnarly cut on my finger. The people at the next crossing probably thought they saw someone die."
12. "My last day of driver’s education class, we were just about back to school. We were all feeling pretty good because we’d passed our tests that day. I was in the rear driver’s seat and had a classmate driving, one next to me, and a teacher in the passenger seat. We went through a green light at LITERALLY the last intersection before school when a car blew through the red light going 55 mph and slammed into us on my side, just a few inches back from where I was sitting. It spun our car into the intersection and kept going! We were all concussed and had to be taken to the hospital, but that was it. When we went to retrieve my bags from the trunk of the wreckage at the salvage yard, the shop owner admitted he hadn’t answered my ringing phone because he didn't think we had survived, and didn’t want to break the news to everyone calling me. Two inches between me and being crushed alive. In driver’s ed!"
13. "I was walking to class one day, and the shortest route went under a viaduct. It had been snowing and melting on and off for the past few days. The viaduct is about 100 feet high, and just as I was about to walk from under it and onto the pavement, a 6-foot icicle fell those 100 feet and smashed into the ground in front of me. Suffice to say, I took that as a sign not to go to my lecture and turned back home!"
14. "I was asleep in the passenger seat of a car on a highway when we flipped going about 80 mph. We rolled a few times and landed in a ditch. Airbags did not go off, and I shattered the passenger-side window with my skull. I literally walked away from it and didn't go to an ER until a few hours later. I literally had a concussion and one teeny bruise on my right arm, but nothing else. The nurses told me that if I had been awake for the accident, my neck would have snapped and I'd have died immediately. Whenever I tell people, they're always stunned — imagine my reaction waking up to a missing side window and a crushed car and being fully functional! I feel lucky every day that I was asleep and still have my life."
15. "There was one time my sister and I were driving down a long road with a huge cemetery. I thought it would be funny to hold my breath because people say if you don’t, the spirits of dead people will haunt you or something. When I held my breath, my sister slowed down to torture me. I was a little annoyed, but at the stop sign at the intersection, this car going really fast didn’t even bother to slow down. They even swerved into our lane, so my sister had to barely dodge. I swear, though, if my sister hadn't slowed down to torture me, we would have been in a bad wreck. Now I’m not annoyed that she did that, I’m lucky."
16. "This isn't dramatic, but it's continued to impact my life on a daily basis. When I was 11, I was playing baseball with the rest of my gym class. We took a time-out to argue about who was batting next, and I stood behind home plate, staring into left field. Play resumed, and no one told me to move. The strongest guy in the class laid down a single...and hit me in his backswing...with the baseball bat...in the middle of my forehead. I suffered skull fractures and a brain bleed. To this day, I have anxiety driven by the traumatic brain injury. The neurologist said that the fact that he hit the ball saved my life. Had he swung and missed, I would have died."
17. "I was in college and I had just finished my last class of the day. It was a short walk to my car that consisted of crossing a pedestrian crosswalk on the street separating the school from parking. On each side of the crosswalk were speed bumps so cars were forced to slow down. At this time of day, a good number of students were getting out of class, and a large herd of us started crossing the street at the crosswalk. There must have been 30 of us. I was stupidly looking down at my phone and was walking rather slowly. I didn’t realize that I was lagging behind. Everyone else was on the other side and I was still in the middle of the street. At the same moment, I noticed a freaking DUMP TRUCK whizzing by in front of me. It was probably 1–2 feet in front of me. Either he didn’t see me still crossing or he didn’t care. After I got to my car, all I could do was sit there in silence for a while and contemplate what could have just happened. Even as I write this, I shudder."
18. "This is definitely not the craziest cheating-death story, but it was definitely scary. I was at a waterpark with my family, and I don’t do well with heat and stairs — something about the combination makes me faint. We went on a waterslide that uses tubes, and it was a long trek up. I apparently was so sick from heat exhaustion, I passed out as I was next in line and hit my head on the tube. If it weren’t for the tube, they aren't sure I’d be alive right now."
19. "It was during Christmastime, and my mom, my little brother, and I all wanted to go look at Christmas lights near the middle school. There was a hill and then a lane where you would wait for the light to turn green and then you had to turn left. Well, the main light had turned red, so it was our turn to go, and thank god my mom checked before going, because if she hadn’t checked, a truck would have hit us, going like 60 mph, straight through the side of our car where my little brother was sitting."
20. "I was 4 or 5, and we were living in Estes Park, Colorado. At that time, I was challenging myself to go closer and closer to a river they have there. I was caught by the current and would’ve run into several rocks and a waterwheel if it weren’t for my cousin, who reached down, grabbed my arm, and saved me."
21. "I survived hitting an elk in the Canadian Rockies and going down a mountain 15 times end over end, stopping 20 feet short of a whitewater river. I gave myself first aid. Doctors said I would never walk normally again and I'd have brain damage. I sent one of them a picture of me with three gold medals around my neck."
22. "In the fall of '15, I was riding my motorcycle to work on a foggy morning. A truck with an enclosed trailer ran a stop sign in front of me while I was driving on a 55 mph road. I was unable to stop, ran into the trailer, and was pinned underneath the trailer, being crushed to death. A farmer was on his dirt bike behind the truck going to meet another farmer for coffee who lived on the corner of the intersection. Once he realized I was pinned, he ran to get his friend and his friend's skid-steer loader. They then used the skid loader to lift the trailer off of me and began CPR. Luckily, right as they started, a sheriff's deputy arrived on scene and took over. I owe my life to those two farmers. If they hadn't acted, I would have died underneath the trailer, as there would have been no way for first responders to lift it off of me (it had thousands of pounds of equipment in it) in time."
23. "I've always been handy with tools and taught myself how to do things; I've been changing flat tires for anyone who'll let me. However, one day when I was about 18 years old, my buddy came over to chill, and he had his dad's brand-new Tacoma. So we chilled for a couple of hours, and when it was time for him to leave, we noticed that his front tire was flat, so naturally, I volunteered to change it (no prior experience with independent suspensions). I placed the jack on the frame and started to go at it — lifted the car enough to take the flat out. But when the fully inflated wheel was fitted, it didn't have clearance. My first thought was to get a second jack. Half my body was underneath the car, putting the jack in, when I heard a creek, and the next thing I knew, the car slipped. The car ended up with the front end touching the ground, and I got a big scrape mark on my shoulder. To this day, I don't know how or why I did not die under that Tacoma."
24. "I lived alone with my dog. There was a hole in my gas heater, so it was leaking carbon monoxide, but of course I didn't know that at the time. My dog woke me up one morning, barking and whining, and I thought she had to go out to potty. When I sat up in bed, I got so dizzy and thought I would throw up. I ended up passing out twice, once hitting my head on the bathroom cabinet, very close to my temple, and once hitting my chin on the toilet seat. I called my boss — the only phone number I remembered at the time. (This was before cellphones.) She called 911 and they came to get me. They figured out I had carbon monoxide poisoning, and I was in the ER for eight hours that day. The doctor told that when blood gases are at a certain amount, the victim goes into a coma, without fail. Mine were more than double whatever that number was. He said no matter how much my dog was barking, I should not have woken up."
25. Finally, "I was at the beach with several of my friends, my sister, and my mom. Mom was sitting on the beach watching us. We were around 11–14, I believe, but no younger than 9. Kind of out of nowhere, we started getting sucked under the water in a rip current. I was being sucked under the pier and slammed my face into the barnacles. We were screaming for help, but at first, no one came. As I was being dragged under the water and coming up screaming for help, I could see people just staring and could hear my friends also screaming for help. Finally, people started jumping into the water to save us, including my mom. She jumped in and instantly got sucked into the current but managed to grab one of my friends. She used her body to shield him from the razor-sharp barnacles."

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