Truck stop near me with showers
Truck Stop Bathroom
2018.09.20 03:35 SupremoZanne Truck Stop Bathroom
This is a place where a whole variety of entertainment can go, this is one of the most versatile subreddits ever, while other entertainment subreddits would be highly strict about being "on topic", while this one simply allows variety.
2012.04.27 02:28 EnoughLibertarianSpam: Aleppo Information Station
No brigading. View the "Critiques of Libertarianism" page here: http://critiques.us/index.php?title=Critiques_Of_Libertarianism Sick of all the conspiracy theories, racism, anti-Semitism and general douchebaggery of libertarians? You are not alone! Award for most Liberty AND Freedom out of Any Political Subreddit on Reddit- Ron Paul Bravery Award 2013
2013.01.22 06:44 llieaay Cat Training: Tricks and Treats
Cat behaviour, cat tricks, cat training. Cats!
2023.06.03 06:48 Electrical_Clerk_665 Letting go of resentment 27M
I've been bottling up my feelings about my mother for as long as I can remember, but today I’ll try to let some of it go.
Growing up with a single mother and an older sister, my early years were pretty great. Despite my mom barely graduating high school, she always provided for us, and our involvement in the Jehovah's Witnesses congregation provided additional support.
However, everything changed after a trip to California.
When we got back, my mom spiraled into heavy drinking, which had been an ongoing struggle for her since before I was born. She had gone through things before I was born that I don’t think she ever had the chance to deal with in a healthy way.
My older sister eventually moved away, leaving me alone with my mom. We stopped going to the congregation, and my mom lost her job.
For nearly two years, we hopped between different houses, with me sharing a room with her. I vividly recall trying to be a carefree child, playing video games, while she drank in front of me. I always believed it was my fault and that I had to be a better son.
Though we eventually found a new place, her drinking got worse, resulting in multiple hospital visits. I even had to drive her to the hospital myself when I was in 7th grade. That memory will forever be etched in my mind.
Eventually not long after I confronted her about her actions and, for two months, ignored her while we still lived together. At that point I was already cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry because I couldn’t count on her to do it for me all the time. We eventually got back on good terms when she finally quit drinking, but the love I once had for her was never quite the same.
In 2016, she suffered a major stroke from the years of alcohol abuse and poor health choices, leaving her disabled for the rest of her life. Today, she's just a shadow of her former self.
Now, I see my mother as a flawed human being who was doing her best, but I can't deny the resentment that lingers within me from those years of hell and the negative patterns I acquired during that time.
Even now, when I talk to her on the phone and hear her slurred voice due to the stroke, it takes me back to all those moments when she was drunk, and I wondered if she would be okay and when it would all end. I'm doing my best to let go of this resentment. It's not easy, but I believe that by acknowledging my feelings and sharing my story, I'm taking a step toward healing.
If anyone else has been through a similar experience or has any advice, I would appreciate your thoughts.
submitted by Electrical_Clerk_665 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
Growing up with a single mother and an older sister, my early years were pretty great. Despite my mom barely graduating high school, she always provided for us, and our involvement in the Jehovah's Witnesses congregation provided additional support.
However, everything changed after a trip to California.
When we got back, my mom spiraled into heavy drinking, which had been an ongoing struggle for her since before I was born. She had gone through things before I was born that I don’t think she ever had the chance to deal with in a healthy way.
My older sister eventually moved away, leaving me alone with my mom. We stopped going to the congregation, and my mom lost her job.
For nearly two years, we hopped between different houses, with me sharing a room with her. I vividly recall trying to be a carefree child, playing video games, while she drank in front of me. I always believed it was my fault and that I had to be a better son.
Though we eventually found a new place, her drinking got worse, resulting in multiple hospital visits. I even had to drive her to the hospital myself when I was in 7th grade. That memory will forever be etched in my mind.
Eventually not long after I confronted her about her actions and, for two months, ignored her while we still lived together. At that point I was already cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry because I couldn’t count on her to do it for me all the time. We eventually got back on good terms when she finally quit drinking, but the love I once had for her was never quite the same.
In 2016, she suffered a major stroke from the years of alcohol abuse and poor health choices, leaving her disabled for the rest of her life. Today, she's just a shadow of her former self.
Now, I see my mother as a flawed human being who was doing her best, but I can't deny the resentment that lingers within me from those years of hell and the negative patterns I acquired during that time.
Even now, when I talk to her on the phone and hear her slurred voice due to the stroke, it takes me back to all those moments when she was drunk, and I wondered if she would be okay and when it would all end. I'm doing my best to let go of this resentment. It's not easy, but I believe that by acknowledging my feelings and sharing my story, I'm taking a step toward healing.
If anyone else has been through a similar experience or has any advice, I would appreciate your thoughts.
2023.06.03 06:48 SecretReserve3229 A Story of Full-Support Soldier
Processing video ftwvn18gfq3b1...
submitted by SecretReserve3229 to battlefield_one [link] [comments]
Processing video ftwvn18gfq3b1...
2023.06.03 06:47 One_Company_3332 May move in with GF who's parents own her property. What am I in for?
I'm not sure if this is the proper place to post this so forgive me and tell me where to go if it is not.
My girlfriend and I have been talking about moving in together. We live in Southeastern, PA just outside of Philly. It's just talk now and we're not planning on doing this any time soon (i.e., not within the next year) but I've been thinking about the financial and legal complications it might bring because of our circumstances. I'm just trying to plan ahead. Any advice would be appreciated. So, here's the situation:
I currently live in a condo that is in my name and I've been paying the mortgage on for 8 years since I moved in. My girlfriend lives alone in a bigger townhouse about an hour from me. Her parents own the property and bought it for her when she became legally disabled and could no longer work outside the house with the idea that she'd never have to worry about housing. We've talked about a lot of hypotheticals - she could move in with me (but my condo is way too small for two people and three cats between us), we could buy a place near me since I work at a local university (but financially, we'd never be able to afford something bigger than my current condo on one income and her disability payments), I move into her townhouse and commute to work.
The last option seems to be the most realistic and we've talked about that. I'm not sure what to do though. Since I bought my condo, I've never seen myself living somewhere where I was a "tenant" again. We've talked about getting lawyers involved to create a cohabitation agreement before we would do this. Her father, who owns her townhouse, is her lawyer which I thought would be worth mentioning. I'd have my own representation separate from him in this scenario, of course.
Has anyone ever dealt with this sort of scenario? If so, what am I missing or not thinking of?
I've also thought about keeping my condo as a rental/investment property if I do move into her condo. I've never have a property like that so any advice on how that works or what I'd need to know would also be appreciated.
I just want to be prepared if and when the time comes. Thanks!
submitted by One_Company_3332 to RealEstate [link] [comments]
My girlfriend and I have been talking about moving in together. We live in Southeastern, PA just outside of Philly. It's just talk now and we're not planning on doing this any time soon (i.e., not within the next year) but I've been thinking about the financial and legal complications it might bring because of our circumstances. I'm just trying to plan ahead. Any advice would be appreciated. So, here's the situation:
I currently live in a condo that is in my name and I've been paying the mortgage on for 8 years since I moved in. My girlfriend lives alone in a bigger townhouse about an hour from me. Her parents own the property and bought it for her when she became legally disabled and could no longer work outside the house with the idea that she'd never have to worry about housing. We've talked about a lot of hypotheticals - she could move in with me (but my condo is way too small for two people and three cats between us), we could buy a place near me since I work at a local university (but financially, we'd never be able to afford something bigger than my current condo on one income and her disability payments), I move into her townhouse and commute to work.
The last option seems to be the most realistic and we've talked about that. I'm not sure what to do though. Since I bought my condo, I've never seen myself living somewhere where I was a "tenant" again. We've talked about getting lawyers involved to create a cohabitation agreement before we would do this. Her father, who owns her townhouse, is her lawyer which I thought would be worth mentioning. I'd have my own representation separate from him in this scenario, of course.
Has anyone ever dealt with this sort of scenario? If so, what am I missing or not thinking of?
I've also thought about keeping my condo as a rental/investment property if I do move into her condo. I've never have a property like that so any advice on how that works or what I'd need to know would also be appreciated.
I just want to be prepared if and when the time comes. Thanks!
2023.06.03 06:47 bartoc4 Is this abuse?
Hi everyone. This is going to be a long post so I apologize in advance. My boyfriend and I are frequently having heated arguments that are escalating quickly. We have one year old twins with another on the way and I don't know what to think or do. My brain feels like a jumbled mess.
To help explain what is going I'm going to provide the most recent example of our fight from earlier today. I will try to be as unbiased as possible and explain my wrongdoings as well. I'm not sure if I'm the problem (or at least part of it), and I genuinely want and need help/advice.
Earlier this morning I was taking care of the boys when I got violently ill (morning sickness - but reallllllly bad). I couldn't keep anything down and was sticky all over with sweat, and I kept feeling dizzy.
Because of this I took a nap during the twins nap once I got them to sleep. The twins woke up before I did, and my boyfriend brought them downstairs. When I woke up I asked my boyfriend what time the boys woke up from their nap, and he answered "2pm" (which means they'd be due to go to bed at around 6pm). My boyfriend works from home and he went to the basement to work. I was taking care of the babies and playing with them until about 4 30. Then I set them up with some toys and turned or my laptop to study (I'm currently in college).
My boyfriend came upstairs about 15 minutes later (4 45) saying that the boys needed to go to bed and that they had been up since 1. I was confused and said "you told me 2pm earlier", to which he replied that he did NOT say that and he said 1pm (maybe I misheard him I honestly don't know or if he is just making it up for some reason, but why would he do that?). Anyway, I said "OK, I will get them ready in a moment." I finished the page I was reading so I didn't lose my train of though with my studies, and then I started to get the boys ready for bed.
Unfortunately I was anticipating having a whole extra hour, and was now needing to rush. I made the boys dinner and got them fed (by this time it was after 5), and then I went upstairs to grab them some pajamas. On my way back I had to make another stop to the washroom as I started getting sick again. I'm not sure how long it lasted for because I didn't check the time again until HOURS later (after the fight was already over).
Anyway, after getting sick I was changing the babies diapers and putting them in their pj's. The one took my phone out of my pocket and freaked out when I took it away from him, and then started flailing around screaming and wouldn't let me get a fresh diaper on him. I felt like I was about to puke and broke out in a sweat, and in what was certainly not my finest moment I yelled out "STOP MOVING AROUND!".
My boyfriend ran up the stairs and snatched the child away from me and instantly accused me of shaking him (I never would), and said the baby was acting like an abused child (he was rubbing his face into the pillow - but he does this when he is tired). My boyfriend then started on me about not having the boys in bed yet and "look what you're doing to them".
I have REALLY bad anxiety and post partum depression (I'm seeing a therapist bi-weekly to work on it and i'm also taking medication), and my boyfriends attitude and the energy he was projecting just instantly put me right on edge. I tried to explain to him that I was overwhelmed, exhausted and sick, and that I was doing the very best I could, but that I was getting ill and I thought I had more time before they were due for bed. He wouldn't listen to anything and just kept cutting me off and talking over me going in circles about my abusive and neglectful behavior and going on and on and on and on and onnnnnnn about how I didn't have the boys in bed on time yet.
At this point I felt my brain starting to break. I told him he was giving me an anxiety attack to which he replied "every time I give you the tiniest bit of advice you have an "anxiety attack"." I just felt so unheard and unloved. Meanwhile the baby was STILL screaming this entire time (and my boyfriend was yelling this entire time too and I think I was too trying to get him to hear me). He said "look what I get to deal with - you just make more and more work for me".
At this point I was feeling totally overwhelmed with emotions and was having really bad negative thoughts that my family might actually be better off without me. I went upstairs to get away and left him downstairs with the kids. He followed me upstairs with the crying baby and stood over me with the baby while I was crying hysterically and the baby was crying hysterically and he was saying "look what you're doing to our child!". I begged him to leave because I didn't want the baby to see me like that, but he wouldn't.
So once again I tried to leave. I exited the room and he was hot on my tail. I was so frustrated I knocked the first thing off the counter that I walked past (apparently it was his speaker which he claims is now broken). He then started freaking out even more because I broke his things, and I then threw my phone on the ground and also kicked a stool (the leg of the plastic stool broke when I did this, and he freaked out ever more).
At this point I felt so uncontrollable that I was lying on the ground sobbing just begging him to leave me alone and stop yelling at me and to give me some space. But he wouldn't. And he KEPT going on. I reminded him I was pregnant and that none of this was good for me or baby, and he said "oh who cares, you act like this even when you aren't pregnant. I am going to tell you what I think and feel."
I can't explain how low I felt. These were the thoughts running through my head: I'm an abusive mother, I'm a bad partner, my family would be better off without me, I create more work for my partner, I'm permanently broken, I'm a BAD mom, maybe an abortion would be best.
All of these thoughts were swimming in my head and I told my boyfriend I was having really dark intrusive thoughts and I kept picturing stabbing myself. I don't even remember what his response was, but it must not have been helpful because the next thing I did was grab my anxiety medication and I put the whole bottle in my mouth. My boyfriend shoved his fingers down my throat and made me puke everything up.
Then I went to the bathroom and laid on the ground and was so upset I started banging my head on the floor. He claims he grabbed me by the hood of my sweater and that a few hairs got caught. But it felt like he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me up with so much force that i went from laying to standing. I bit him on the shoulder and told him to leave me alone.
Then he said he was going to call the police on me on started telling me how abusive I was (its not the first time I've been physical with him like that - but the situations leading up to it were all very similar to today. I've never been violent with other people before....). My panic attack continued to the kitchen floor where I was still sobbing and hyperventilating. At this point my best friend and roommate of over a decade came home, and he instantly asked me if I was okay. Rafael started telling him his one sided story of me being an abuser and showing the bite mark to my friend.
My friend took me outside and sat me down and started helping me to do breathing exercises. Meanwhile my boyfriend kept coming outside and saying he was going to call the cops. My friend got him to agree to wait 20 minutes before doing anything - but the entire time my boyfriend was outside yelling a mile per minute at me.
After the 20 minutes was over he told me I had two options - I could go to the hospital with him in his car or I could sit outside on the front lawn and wait for an ambulance to get me. I told him I was not leaving (my friend was with me now and had calmed me down from crisis mode). So my boyfriend called the cops (non emergency number).
While he was on the phone with them I looked at him and told him very seriously that our relationship was over. That there was no coming back from this. He then promptly started trying to persuade the person on the phone that everything was okay, and then hung up.
Once he was off the phone he tried to pick the argument back up, and I replied that I was taking a bath and that I did not wish to speak to him. I went into the bathroom and he forced the door open behind me and sat on the toilet yelling and continuing to go on about everything. I closed the curtain and he kept opening it to which I replied " I am not your girlfriend anymore, and I do not wish for you to see me named. At this point he told me he had videos of me having the anxiety attack and that he was going to call the cops back. I said "whatever, I'm taking my bath" and ignored him.
About 5 minutes later I hear him on the phone with them AGAIN. I hear the man on the other line say they are sending people over. I said loud enough to the man on the phone could hear "I am fine sir!" Then my boyfriend started flipping out again to the point that the man on the line told him to stop escalating the situation (I was being totally calm at this point).
For some reason my boyfriend once again decided to convince the person on the phone that everything is okay and he once again hung up. Afterwards he didn't say anything, but he stood outside the open bathroom door for 20 minutes before returning to the basement to work again.
A couple hours later he asked if I was okay and I said "no". Now it is after midnight and he is sitting next to me showing me the occasional funny video acting like nothing happened or something???
What do I do? We have children!! I want what's best for them. I've told him so many times that I need to be treated with love when that's happening, but he seems to think it's a manipulation tactic (he has downright said that I cry just to try to make him feel bad). I don't know how to communicate with him and he won't do therapy with me. I am all fucked up and I know this, but he has issues too... how can things get better if he refused to admit that? My friend calmed me down in 10 minutes. They reminded me I was loved and cared for, and helped me breathe.
My boyfriend says I don't listen to him... but I heard EVERYTHING. He is upset that I yelled with the baby (totally understandable it was completely inappropriate, but he HAS had his moments too), and he was upset about the babies being late for bed, he was upset that I was "crazy" during my panic attack, and he was upset about the bite. But all I was trying to communicate was that I am totally overwhelmed, sick and feeling unheard, unloved and not needed, and that I am doing the best I can... I don't think he heard any of those things...
Sorry for venting so much and for the post being so long. Any thoughts are welcomed....
submitted by bartoc4 to ToxicRelationships [link] [comments]
To help explain what is going I'm going to provide the most recent example of our fight from earlier today. I will try to be as unbiased as possible and explain my wrongdoings as well. I'm not sure if I'm the problem (or at least part of it), and I genuinely want and need help/advice.
Earlier this morning I was taking care of the boys when I got violently ill (morning sickness - but reallllllly bad). I couldn't keep anything down and was sticky all over with sweat, and I kept feeling dizzy.
Because of this I took a nap during the twins nap once I got them to sleep. The twins woke up before I did, and my boyfriend brought them downstairs. When I woke up I asked my boyfriend what time the boys woke up from their nap, and he answered "2pm" (which means they'd be due to go to bed at around 6pm). My boyfriend works from home and he went to the basement to work. I was taking care of the babies and playing with them until about 4 30. Then I set them up with some toys and turned or my laptop to study (I'm currently in college).
My boyfriend came upstairs about 15 minutes later (4 45) saying that the boys needed to go to bed and that they had been up since 1. I was confused and said "you told me 2pm earlier", to which he replied that he did NOT say that and he said 1pm (maybe I misheard him I honestly don't know or if he is just making it up for some reason, but why would he do that?). Anyway, I said "OK, I will get them ready in a moment." I finished the page I was reading so I didn't lose my train of though with my studies, and then I started to get the boys ready for bed.
Unfortunately I was anticipating having a whole extra hour, and was now needing to rush. I made the boys dinner and got them fed (by this time it was after 5), and then I went upstairs to grab them some pajamas. On my way back I had to make another stop to the washroom as I started getting sick again. I'm not sure how long it lasted for because I didn't check the time again until HOURS later (after the fight was already over).
Anyway, after getting sick I was changing the babies diapers and putting them in their pj's. The one took my phone out of my pocket and freaked out when I took it away from him, and then started flailing around screaming and wouldn't let me get a fresh diaper on him. I felt like I was about to puke and broke out in a sweat, and in what was certainly not my finest moment I yelled out "STOP MOVING AROUND!".
My boyfriend ran up the stairs and snatched the child away from me and instantly accused me of shaking him (I never would), and said the baby was acting like an abused child (he was rubbing his face into the pillow - but he does this when he is tired). My boyfriend then started on me about not having the boys in bed yet and "look what you're doing to them".
I have REALLY bad anxiety and post partum depression (I'm seeing a therapist bi-weekly to work on it and i'm also taking medication), and my boyfriends attitude and the energy he was projecting just instantly put me right on edge. I tried to explain to him that I was overwhelmed, exhausted and sick, and that I was doing the very best I could, but that I was getting ill and I thought I had more time before they were due for bed. He wouldn't listen to anything and just kept cutting me off and talking over me going in circles about my abusive and neglectful behavior and going on and on and on and on and onnnnnnn about how I didn't have the boys in bed on time yet.
At this point I felt my brain starting to break. I told him he was giving me an anxiety attack to which he replied "every time I give you the tiniest bit of advice you have an "anxiety attack"." I just felt so unheard and unloved. Meanwhile the baby was STILL screaming this entire time (and my boyfriend was yelling this entire time too and I think I was too trying to get him to hear me). He said "look what I get to deal with - you just make more and more work for me".
At this point I was feeling totally overwhelmed with emotions and was having really bad negative thoughts that my family might actually be better off without me. I went upstairs to get away and left him downstairs with the kids. He followed me upstairs with the crying baby and stood over me with the baby while I was crying hysterically and the baby was crying hysterically and he was saying "look what you're doing to our child!". I begged him to leave because I didn't want the baby to see me like that, but he wouldn't.
So once again I tried to leave. I exited the room and he was hot on my tail. I was so frustrated I knocked the first thing off the counter that I walked past (apparently it was his speaker which he claims is now broken). He then started freaking out even more because I broke his things, and I then threw my phone on the ground and also kicked a stool (the leg of the plastic stool broke when I did this, and he freaked out ever more).
At this point I felt so uncontrollable that I was lying on the ground sobbing just begging him to leave me alone and stop yelling at me and to give me some space. But he wouldn't. And he KEPT going on. I reminded him I was pregnant and that none of this was good for me or baby, and he said "oh who cares, you act like this even when you aren't pregnant. I am going to tell you what I think and feel."
I can't explain how low I felt. These were the thoughts running through my head: I'm an abusive mother, I'm a bad partner, my family would be better off without me, I create more work for my partner, I'm permanently broken, I'm a BAD mom, maybe an abortion would be best.
All of these thoughts were swimming in my head and I told my boyfriend I was having really dark intrusive thoughts and I kept picturing stabbing myself. I don't even remember what his response was, but it must not have been helpful because the next thing I did was grab my anxiety medication and I put the whole bottle in my mouth. My boyfriend shoved his fingers down my throat and made me puke everything up.
Then I went to the bathroom and laid on the ground and was so upset I started banging my head on the floor. He claims he grabbed me by the hood of my sweater and that a few hairs got caught. But it felt like he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me up with so much force that i went from laying to standing. I bit him on the shoulder and told him to leave me alone.
Then he said he was going to call the police on me on started telling me how abusive I was (its not the first time I've been physical with him like that - but the situations leading up to it were all very similar to today. I've never been violent with other people before....). My panic attack continued to the kitchen floor where I was still sobbing and hyperventilating. At this point my best friend and roommate of over a decade came home, and he instantly asked me if I was okay. Rafael started telling him his one sided story of me being an abuser and showing the bite mark to my friend.
My friend took me outside and sat me down and started helping me to do breathing exercises. Meanwhile my boyfriend kept coming outside and saying he was going to call the cops. My friend got him to agree to wait 20 minutes before doing anything - but the entire time my boyfriend was outside yelling a mile per minute at me.
After the 20 minutes was over he told me I had two options - I could go to the hospital with him in his car or I could sit outside on the front lawn and wait for an ambulance to get me. I told him I was not leaving (my friend was with me now and had calmed me down from crisis mode). So my boyfriend called the cops (non emergency number).
While he was on the phone with them I looked at him and told him very seriously that our relationship was over. That there was no coming back from this. He then promptly started trying to persuade the person on the phone that everything was okay, and then hung up.
Once he was off the phone he tried to pick the argument back up, and I replied that I was taking a bath and that I did not wish to speak to him. I went into the bathroom and he forced the door open behind me and sat on the toilet yelling and continuing to go on about everything. I closed the curtain and he kept opening it to which I replied " I am not your girlfriend anymore, and I do not wish for you to see me named. At this point he told me he had videos of me having the anxiety attack and that he was going to call the cops back. I said "whatever, I'm taking my bath" and ignored him.
About 5 minutes later I hear him on the phone with them AGAIN. I hear the man on the other line say they are sending people over. I said loud enough to the man on the phone could hear "I am fine sir!" Then my boyfriend started flipping out again to the point that the man on the line told him to stop escalating the situation (I was being totally calm at this point).
For some reason my boyfriend once again decided to convince the person on the phone that everything is okay and he once again hung up. Afterwards he didn't say anything, but he stood outside the open bathroom door for 20 minutes before returning to the basement to work again.
A couple hours later he asked if I was okay and I said "no". Now it is after midnight and he is sitting next to me showing me the occasional funny video acting like nothing happened or something???
What do I do? We have children!! I want what's best for them. I've told him so many times that I need to be treated with love when that's happening, but he seems to think it's a manipulation tactic (he has downright said that I cry just to try to make him feel bad). I don't know how to communicate with him and he won't do therapy with me. I am all fucked up and I know this, but he has issues too... how can things get better if he refused to admit that? My friend calmed me down in 10 minutes. They reminded me I was loved and cared for, and helped me breathe.
My boyfriend says I don't listen to him... but I heard EVERYTHING. He is upset that I yelled with the baby (totally understandable it was completely inappropriate, but he HAS had his moments too), and he was upset about the babies being late for bed, he was upset that I was "crazy" during my panic attack, and he was upset about the bite. But all I was trying to communicate was that I am totally overwhelmed, sick and feeling unheard, unloved and not needed, and that I am doing the best I can... I don't think he heard any of those things...
Sorry for venting so much and for the post being so long. Any thoughts are welcomed....
2023.06.03 06:46 Fun-Employment-3305 How much of my social problems are suspected autism, and how much are they something else?
I feel like I've been walking in darkness my whole life. I never understood why I had so many problems. From a young age, I used to have a lot of emotional outbursts. The earliest one I can remember is when I got really upset that I colored a fire truck blue in kindergarten. I don't even know what caused it. I think someone, the teacher maybe, mentioned that fire trucks are red, so I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I got it "wrong". This continued through all of elementary and some of middle school. My older brother used to bully me a lot too over these emotions. He knew I was really sensitive, so he'd try to provoke a reaction and put me down in different ways, like reminding me that I'd die someday. I didn't feel safe around him, and while my mom was nice to me, she was too busy to really intervene. Even now, my emotions feel really intense all the time, I just pretend to be stoic. I feel a lot of anger I sometimes take out on people online, though I've stopped doing it as much.
So I've always had trouble making friends. I think most kids thought I was weird. Plus I was really uptight/stubborn and needed things to be "my way" or else. I tried finding friends through online forums, by bonding through TV shows and media properties I liked. I still talk to some of these "friends" sometimes, but at the same time, I've always kept my distance from them. It's hard to get close to them. I also feel like I'm not interested in fiction anymore like I used to be as a kid. My brother used to bully me a lot when I got too interested in things, and I think I just get too attached to whatever thing I get hyperfixated on to the point of being way too defensive and emotional about it. Nothing's really filled the gap though. My interests are something I zone out to, not something I pursue attentively. I like zoning out to music I like during my free time, but that's not conducive to making friends. I still have that stubborn and rigid mentality as much as I try shedding it, and I've gotten away with not being forced to socialize. I'm not happy about it since I feel kinda lonely, but I feel like if anyone really knew me, they'd know how strange I am.
The zoning out is its own thing. I feel like I'm rarely present, I'm always daydreaming or just... not there in the moment. I think it's dissociation. I miss things that are right in front of me. I can feel slow at times. Weirdly enough, other times I feel super hyperactive, like a 3-year old who really wants people to pay attention to him, even if he has to scream. Obviously I don't do this, I try being normal, but there's that instinct, that feeling that I'm on the verge of just throwing a tantrum so people finally listen to me.
I don't know what my problems are My school counselors from elementary suspected it was autism. I have trouble telling what people are feeling, and the zoning out could be a processing delay. I feel like my problems are even more severe than what I've seen online. Other people seem to have found coping mechanisms that worked for them, but my coping consists of zoning out, browsing the internet, and pleasuring myself, maybe both (sorry to be too graphic). That, or trolling for attention. I've tried implementing other things like meditating and journaling, but I still don't feel complete. Maybe it's because I'm still lonely, but part of me feels like I just want someone who is my doppelganger instead of a living, breathing person. I treat people like objects and I want to fix that, but they feel as alien to me as I probably am to them.
submitted by Fun-Employment-3305 to AutismTranslated [link] [comments]
So I've always had trouble making friends. I think most kids thought I was weird. Plus I was really uptight/stubborn and needed things to be "my way" or else. I tried finding friends through online forums, by bonding through TV shows and media properties I liked. I still talk to some of these "friends" sometimes, but at the same time, I've always kept my distance from them. It's hard to get close to them. I also feel like I'm not interested in fiction anymore like I used to be as a kid. My brother used to bully me a lot when I got too interested in things, and I think I just get too attached to whatever thing I get hyperfixated on to the point of being way too defensive and emotional about it. Nothing's really filled the gap though. My interests are something I zone out to, not something I pursue attentively. I like zoning out to music I like during my free time, but that's not conducive to making friends. I still have that stubborn and rigid mentality as much as I try shedding it, and I've gotten away with not being forced to socialize. I'm not happy about it since I feel kinda lonely, but I feel like if anyone really knew me, they'd know how strange I am.
The zoning out is its own thing. I feel like I'm rarely present, I'm always daydreaming or just... not there in the moment. I think it's dissociation. I miss things that are right in front of me. I can feel slow at times. Weirdly enough, other times I feel super hyperactive, like a 3-year old who really wants people to pay attention to him, even if he has to scream. Obviously I don't do this, I try being normal, but there's that instinct, that feeling that I'm on the verge of just throwing a tantrum so people finally listen to me.
I don't know what my problems are My school counselors from elementary suspected it was autism. I have trouble telling what people are feeling, and the zoning out could be a processing delay. I feel like my problems are even more severe than what I've seen online. Other people seem to have found coping mechanisms that worked for them, but my coping consists of zoning out, browsing the internet, and pleasuring myself, maybe both (sorry to be too graphic). That, or trolling for attention. I've tried implementing other things like meditating and journaling, but I still don't feel complete. Maybe it's because I'm still lonely, but part of me feels like I just want someone who is my doppelganger instead of a living, breathing person. I treat people like objects and I want to fix that, but they feel as alien to me as I probably am to them.
2023.06.03 06:45 Vato_Loco48 Ingrown Hairs on my Neck
I know I’m not the only person with this problem but please help!!!! These things are horrible and I have nobody to get them out as I travel for work. What is truly the best way to shave to prevent this? In the warm shower? What type of razor should I use to stop this? Two blade? Do I use shaving cream? Please any advice on method, type of razor, exfoliator, shaving cream, anything! Anything at all, please!!!
submitted by Vato_Loco48 to shaving [link] [comments]
2023.06.03 06:45 Dull_Turnover1252 I am scared and no one is even helping and/or giving me false hope
My mom told me that she did a biopsy after a mammogram, MRI, and ultrasound, and I panicked. I googled everything about it, and I tried to ask her for more details. She said, "I don't know any more details and I can't tell you until I get more results back."
I literally cried and had 58 panic attacks. I tried to call my friend's mom, a gynecologist, and she said the same thing. She even said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not her doctor and I can't magically guess what's happening. Moreover, I need sleep. I am on call tomorrow. Talk to you later." I felt that was rude. I texted my friend's mom, "Do you really have this bedside manner with every patient?"
What is even worse is that my dad's who is a doctor but not an ob/gyn, tried to calm me down too. She tried to hug me and walk me through breathing exercises and told me that she'd support me while we waited for more results. My mom doesn't even like my dad's SO so yeah.
I told her to stop giving me false hope. We have a FAMILY HISTORY of breast and uterine cancer!
submitted by Dull_Turnover1252 to AskDad [link] [comments]
I literally cried and had 58 panic attacks. I tried to call my friend's mom, a gynecologist, and she said the same thing. She even said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not her doctor and I can't magically guess what's happening. Moreover, I need sleep. I am on call tomorrow. Talk to you later." I felt that was rude. I texted my friend's mom, "Do you really have this bedside manner with every patient?"
What is even worse is that my dad's who is a doctor but not an ob/gyn, tried to calm me down too. She tried to hug me and walk me through breathing exercises and told me that she'd support me while we waited for more results. My mom doesn't even like my dad's SO so yeah.
I told her to stop giving me false hope. We have a FAMILY HISTORY of breast and uterine cancer!
2023.06.03 06:45 kingcrawly My (21F) situationship with (22M) coming to an end i think
There’s a lot i could write about the situation but i’ll spare the details. We’ve been a “thing” for 5-6 months now…. and i cant do it anymore. I feel the distance between us growing each day. I don’t know what to do and my heart is hurting so bad.
I honestly think he went on a date with another girl tonight and didn’t say anything to me… I know I deserve better than this; and I’d like to add he never treated me kindly and would hardly do as much as even hug me when we were together, and would never hold me or cuddle me after we slept together. He is not gentle with me and I know he doesn’t care about me…. but how do i stop feeling like this? I should just cut him loose right? When I tried to a couple weeks ago he convinced me to stay and told me he didn’t want to lose me and i stayed. But I cant do this anymore. Please help
submitted by kingcrawly to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I honestly think he went on a date with another girl tonight and didn’t say anything to me… I know I deserve better than this; and I’d like to add he never treated me kindly and would hardly do as much as even hug me when we were together, and would never hold me or cuddle me after we slept together. He is not gentle with me and I know he doesn’t care about me…. but how do i stop feeling like this? I should just cut him loose right? When I tried to a couple weeks ago he convinced me to stay and told me he didn’t want to lose me and i stayed. But I cant do this anymore. Please help
2023.06.03 06:44 MightNumerous V1 bronson upgrade vs new bike
I need your advise!! I live in Colorado and ride 2 x week during mtb session. I love hard climbs and prefer flowy downhills but often find myself on steep, rocky, rough downhills.
I ride a V1 (2014) santa cruz bronson. It's pretty much stock and can feel like a pogo stick on rocky terrain. And the rockies are pretty dang rocky.
What would you do? Upgrade the old bronson or buy a new bike? I can afford a new bike but I like the idea of improving what I have.
I also think 29 vs 27.5 might be better for me.
I'm not going to stop mnt biking any time soon.
Come at me with your thoughts!
submitted by MightNumerous to mountainbiking [link] [comments]
I ride a V1 (2014) santa cruz bronson. It's pretty much stock and can feel like a pogo stick on rocky terrain. And the rockies are pretty dang rocky.
What would you do? Upgrade the old bronson or buy a new bike? I can afford a new bike but I like the idea of improving what I have.
I also think 29 vs 27.5 might be better for me.
I'm not going to stop mnt biking any time soon.
Come at me with your thoughts!
2023.06.03 06:44 PabloSwami Almost died tonight from would-be car accident
Hydroplaned on the highway next to a large truck going 70 tonight. Lost control and felt my car going towards the truck next to me. Couldn’t do anything about it. Luckily no one hit me and I eventually regained control. Everything that happened earlier became insignificant and everything that came afterwards—eating my dinner, washing my face, brushing my teeth—was more enjoyable than usual. At least 1% more.
I know I am mostly miserable, and I’m sure a lot of people with bpd can relate. Often I am tired of being here, but when my livelihood is put at risk, I suddenly think of how telling it is that despite my transgressions, I’m still here. I don’t want to leave after all. More than I am miserable, I am just a bit more hopeful.
submitted by PabloSwami to BPD [link] [comments]
I know I am mostly miserable, and I’m sure a lot of people with bpd can relate. Often I am tired of being here, but when my livelihood is put at risk, I suddenly think of how telling it is that despite my transgressions, I’m still here. I don’t want to leave after all. More than I am miserable, I am just a bit more hopeful.
2023.06.03 06:44 No_Steak4272 The pressure of feeling fine makes me want to off myself.
I'm using a throwaway account because people irl know my reddit main, I don't want to scare any of my folks.
I am 20f. I've been struggling with anxiety and depression since last year. When I started to mentally struggle, I recently recovered from covid. I haven't been officially diagnosed with long covid, but I wouldn't be surprised if I have it. It also the first time I was having suicidal thoughts. I felt depressed and anxious in the past, but I never thought about wanting to myself until now. Plus it would go away after a few days max.
So my ex(20m) lives in another country(ldr) than me(if it matters I live in the US, don't wanna disclose where my ex lives tho). The last time I visited his country for Christmas, I had to leave early because of a mental health crisis that caused their family stress. I feel awful for what happened and understandably, nobody wants it to happen again. I wanted to come back to visit again this summer, but I felt this constant pressure to feel fine before I went there incase I need help. Everytime I think about the pressure I'd feel, I would want to die. In fact, I would rather die than feel pressure to feel fine by a certain date, it fucking sucks. What hasn't help at all is my parents would invalidate my feelings over what happened and tell me how I shouldn't worry about them, it's ex's parents I have to worry about. Not to mention the amount of time I had after our last visit towards supposed summer trip, I thought it was unrealistic for me to feel fine by then. It became too much for me and we broke up, we're friends at the moment. Were very close and i love and miss him so much. He's very sweet and supportive, I can guarantee he'll give a person the world if he was dating them. I feel more depressed ever since because I lost an almost 2 year relationship that's stuck in the past, but aye, atleast the pressure's gone am I right?
Ever since the breakup I've been trying to get myself to feel better, it's just an uphill battle. I feel like it's my fault even though I know deep down it's not. I'll go on walks everyday and I'll try to take care of and remind myself why I should love myself. I haven't had a single suicidal thought in seven weeks, and I broke that streak today. I took a day trip to the city by myself, and as I was walking around, my mind started to wonder. My first thought was "what if you got back together with ex?" Then starting thinking about what would happen if the pressure to feel fine came back and all the thoughts flooded back to me and I felt suicidal all over again. I'd rather die than feel pressured to feel fine by a fixed date.
On the bus ride back to my car, I felt the urge to cry, but since I'm in a public space, I stiffled it. Once I got off the bus and into my car, I started to cry. Before I got into bed, I cried so hard that I lost part of my voice and my face went numb. I just want the pain to stop, I just want to stop feeling it. I just want to feel fine and deal with anymore pressure. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel or think anything.
I'm not sure if this matters but I don't have any weapons in my house and I have no plan in place. I want to prove I'm stronger than my mental illnesses. I'm just out here struggling and it's so hard. Thank you for reading.
submitted by No_Steak4272 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
I am 20f. I've been struggling with anxiety and depression since last year. When I started to mentally struggle, I recently recovered from covid. I haven't been officially diagnosed with long covid, but I wouldn't be surprised if I have it. It also the first time I was having suicidal thoughts. I felt depressed and anxious in the past, but I never thought about wanting to myself until now. Plus it would go away after a few days max.
So my ex(20m) lives in another country(ldr) than me(if it matters I live in the US, don't wanna disclose where my ex lives tho). The last time I visited his country for Christmas, I had to leave early because of a mental health crisis that caused their family stress. I feel awful for what happened and understandably, nobody wants it to happen again. I wanted to come back to visit again this summer, but I felt this constant pressure to feel fine before I went there incase I need help. Everytime I think about the pressure I'd feel, I would want to die. In fact, I would rather die than feel pressure to feel fine by a certain date, it fucking sucks. What hasn't help at all is my parents would invalidate my feelings over what happened and tell me how I shouldn't worry about them, it's ex's parents I have to worry about. Not to mention the amount of time I had after our last visit towards supposed summer trip, I thought it was unrealistic for me to feel fine by then. It became too much for me and we broke up, we're friends at the moment. Were very close and i love and miss him so much. He's very sweet and supportive, I can guarantee he'll give a person the world if he was dating them. I feel more depressed ever since because I lost an almost 2 year relationship that's stuck in the past, but aye, atleast the pressure's gone am I right?
Ever since the breakup I've been trying to get myself to feel better, it's just an uphill battle. I feel like it's my fault even though I know deep down it's not. I'll go on walks everyday and I'll try to take care of and remind myself why I should love myself. I haven't had a single suicidal thought in seven weeks, and I broke that streak today. I took a day trip to the city by myself, and as I was walking around, my mind started to wonder. My first thought was "what if you got back together with ex?" Then starting thinking about what would happen if the pressure to feel fine came back and all the thoughts flooded back to me and I felt suicidal all over again. I'd rather die than feel pressured to feel fine by a fixed date.
On the bus ride back to my car, I felt the urge to cry, but since I'm in a public space, I stiffled it. Once I got off the bus and into my car, I started to cry. Before I got into bed, I cried so hard that I lost part of my voice and my face went numb. I just want the pain to stop, I just want to stop feeling it. I just want to feel fine and deal with anymore pressure. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel or think anything.
I'm not sure if this matters but I don't have any weapons in my house and I have no plan in place. I want to prove I'm stronger than my mental illnesses. I'm just out here struggling and it's so hard. Thank you for reading.
2023.06.03 06:44 MissingTheMoony How 1 month became 6 months
Welcome one and all!
The last months of my game development journey have been filled with ups and downs. Let me share my experiences with you all!
What happened? Initially I set out to complete my new small game in just one month. I didn't... I know, very original. In my determination I pushed myself throughout September to finish in time. Overworking caused my wrist condition to worsen, and it wasn't until December that I was able to resume work. Even then, my wrist was far from healthy.
So lets talk about something original, my brand new workflow which enabled me to overcome my health problems!
How to work with Talon Last year I discovered a game-changer called Talon. Talon is a voice recognition app that transforms your voice into a powerful keyboard, allowing you to trigger commands and create custom scripts which you execute with your very own voice commands. Although it took me several months to adapt to Talon and code at a normal speed, it allowed me to work again in December. Although progress was initially slow, using Talon prevented further harm to my wrist. I'll delve deeper into Talon in a future post.
Progress September I started working on the project full speed.
After two weeks I made the decision to slow down my work to avoid causing irreversible damage to my wrist. However, I soon realized that even working at a reduced speed was to much and stopped to let my wrist heal.
In december my wrist was healed a bit and I started using Talon.
In march I was vibing with talon and started writing my own voice commands to do things even faster than with a keyboard. Some things. Others still take longer. Which might be due to the big difference of years of experience of using fingers to press buttons on a keyboard vs 3 months of experience of using my voice.
Finish Line How is the games development? We finished the game a month ago. I just finished the trailer yesterday! It looks sick so make sure to check it out. Its on the steam page from which you can wishlist the game as well.
submitted by MissingTheMoony to devblogs [link] [comments]
The last months of my game development journey have been filled with ups and downs. Let me share my experiences with you all!
What happened? Initially I set out to complete my new small game in just one month. I didn't... I know, very original. In my determination I pushed myself throughout September to finish in time. Overworking caused my wrist condition to worsen, and it wasn't until December that I was able to resume work. Even then, my wrist was far from healthy.
So lets talk about something original, my brand new workflow which enabled me to overcome my health problems!
How to work with Talon Last year I discovered a game-changer called Talon. Talon is a voice recognition app that transforms your voice into a powerful keyboard, allowing you to trigger commands and create custom scripts which you execute with your very own voice commands. Although it took me several months to adapt to Talon and code at a normal speed, it allowed me to work again in December. Although progress was initially slow, using Talon prevented further harm to my wrist. I'll delve deeper into Talon in a future post.
Progress September I started working on the project full speed.
After two weeks I made the decision to slow down my work to avoid causing irreversible damage to my wrist. However, I soon realized that even working at a reduced speed was to much and stopped to let my wrist heal.
In december my wrist was healed a bit and I started using Talon.
In march I was vibing with talon and started writing my own voice commands to do things even faster than with a keyboard. Some things. Others still take longer. Which might be due to the big difference of years of experience of using fingers to press buttons on a keyboard vs 3 months of experience of using my voice.
Finish Line How is the games development? We finished the game a month ago. I just finished the trailer yesterday! It looks sick so make sure to check it out. Its on the steam page from which you can wishlist the game as well.
2023.06.03 06:44 DetectivePokeyboi How to stop causing others pain
I was in a relationship with my ex until around 2 months ago. I did NOT handle the breakup well at all. I was extremely limerant towards my ex, and after we broke up I basically made her life a living hell. I would use spam numbers and emails to constantly message her telling her how much I cared about her and how she shouldn't cut me or her friends off and stuff. She explicitly told me that she just wanted to be alone and to leave her alone, but that did not stop me and I kept on messaging her. After around 2 weeks, I intercepted her on her way back from her dorm and I stopped by her work place. During these incidents, I physically restrained her to try to get her to talk to me. She had a history of self harm and suicidal tendencies so I was extremely scared that the longer I waited, the more likely chance she would do something dangerous, but really that isn't a good enough excuse for the amount of personal space I invaded. She is a human being and I should have just trusted her and I should have given her the space she deserved.
The result of these interactions was that she ended up being fearful of me and further pulled back socially to avoid me. Even though I didn't do anything after that and fully went NC with her, I still fear that she is scared of me and will have to live in fear of me around the school. I am completely avoiding her to the best of my ability; I don't think she's even seen or heard of me for at least a month, but it doesn't change the fact that I hurt her and traumatized her. I don't want her to live the rest of her school life scared that I will jump her or smth and I feel extremely guilty.
Is there anything I can do to reassure her that she won't have to worry about me doing anything? I don't want to contact her because I don't want to reopen old wounds but I also feel like I have to because I never even gave her a proper apology. Ofc its not like I want to get into a relationship or even be friends with her again; I don't think I can handle that. I just feel way too guilty about what I did and I want both of us to just be out of each other's lives forever so she can be happy again.
I want to be better. I want to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen to ANYONE else again. I don't want to become a person people fear. I don't want to keep ruining lives. I need to get rid of my savior complex, and I need to get rid of limerence (not just towards her but I want my limerence gone in general). Right now, I feel like I am the most evil person I know and its all because of this dumb limerence and lack of self control and selfishness.
submitted by DetectivePokeyboi to DecidingToBeBetter [link] [comments]
The result of these interactions was that she ended up being fearful of me and further pulled back socially to avoid me. Even though I didn't do anything after that and fully went NC with her, I still fear that she is scared of me and will have to live in fear of me around the school. I am completely avoiding her to the best of my ability; I don't think she's even seen or heard of me for at least a month, but it doesn't change the fact that I hurt her and traumatized her. I don't want her to live the rest of her school life scared that I will jump her or smth and I feel extremely guilty.
Is there anything I can do to reassure her that she won't have to worry about me doing anything? I don't want to contact her because I don't want to reopen old wounds but I also feel like I have to because I never even gave her a proper apology. Ofc its not like I want to get into a relationship or even be friends with her again; I don't think I can handle that. I just feel way too guilty about what I did and I want both of us to just be out of each other's lives forever so she can be happy again.
I want to be better. I want to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen to ANYONE else again. I don't want to become a person people fear. I don't want to keep ruining lives. I need to get rid of my savior complex, and I need to get rid of limerence (not just towards her but I want my limerence gone in general). Right now, I feel like I am the most evil person I know and its all because of this dumb limerence and lack of self control and selfishness.
2023.06.03 06:44 evaaadaonly1 My Life Story. - Eva Gilford
 | If I had to recap my whole life, it would be a very long, confusing, but yet an emotional book. submitted by evaaadaonly1 to u/evaaadaonly1 [link] [comments] It all started at Methodist Hospital. I was born into a world I never thought would be this horrific. At a young age, I learned that independence was key. I did everything myself because that’s how it went. I thought asking for help and seeking help was me being dependent on something I would never get. I was born into a religion I never understood. The women were the lower class of all people. They were under men, the “leaders” of the world. I grew up only knowing I was not better than any man I laid my eyes unto. As I aged, I found out I would never be able to look like the other girls, the pants wearing, crop top wearing, short hair, normal girls. I was always the outcast of the girl groups, only because I didn’t fit in with their beliefs. I always tried to fit in, but no matter what, I was never the right puzzle piece. Going to school was always something I kind of had trouble with. Not anxiety, no, nothing like that. Just afraid that I was going to be made fun of because of my clothes. That’s whenever I kind of found out I was developing anxiety. I made it throughout K-3, then a big change happened in my life that I never thought would’ve happened. I never really noticed my mother and father’s issues they were having until that very night. It was after school, my father, me, and my brother were going to go get ice cream and I just sensed something was off because my mother wasn’t coming with us. I was only 7 at the time so I really didn’t expect something to happen, all I knew was that we were going to get ice cream. I was in the back seat of my father’s truck. Sirens started going off behind us, red and blue lights appeared in the front mirrors. I was confused about what it was, I looked in the back window and noticed, It was a police car. Why? Why was a Police car behind us? We weren’t speeding? I looked at my dad as he stared into my eyes, his eyes flooded with tears. I was confused and scared. Was he getting arrested? That’s the only thing that went through my mind. As the police officer approached the window, I couldn’t hear what he was saying to my father. When he got done speaking to him, he let up the window and turned the truck around. Why was he turning around? Weren’t we getting ice cream? I asked why we were turning around, he only looked at me with an emotionless face. Then he smiled and told me it was going to be all okay. But still, he never answered my question. Where were we going? As we turned around I noticed this was the way back to our home. We were going home? Why? We pulled into our driveway and the officer was behind us. We drove up to our house and my grandmother was standing outside. We all stepped outside of the car, but my dad started walking to the officer. I asked my grandmother what was happening, she only looked at me and smiled, she didn’t respond to my question. Why was everyone being so quiet? No one responded to what I was saying? She had the gatogolf cart parked in front of the garage and told us to hop on and that we were going on a ride around the house. I was still so confused on why my dad had just walked off to the end of the driveway to meet the officer? Why was the officer here in the first place? As I looked at my grandmother, tears drowned her eyes. I looked at my brother, we were both so confused. I finally got a response out of my grandma, but it still wasn’t the response I was looking for. It was only a, It’ll all be okay. But I knew it wasn’t going to be all okay. I knew that my mother and father were having some issues before all of this but I didn’t expect it to lead to this. I finally got informed on what was going on, my mother and father were getting a divorce. At the time I didn’t understand what that word meant. Until it was explained to me. For the whole night I was blank, I cried all night and was so confused. My father wasn’t allowed to be around me and my brother. Why? Isn’t he my father though? Why are they keeping him away? I never understood why until it was all explained to me. He abused my mother. He hurt her verbally, mentally, I didn’t know who to believe. Believe my mother or my father..? I got one last goodbye hug from my father before we had to leave to go to my aunts for the night. I really wasn’t used to being far away from him, neither was my brother. I cried all night at my aunt’s house. I just didn’t understand why. The next morning I found out I had to leave to go to my mom’s mother’s house. I was still so confused on why I couldn’t see my father. I wasn’t used to being this far away from him for this period of time. My mother came to pick me up. I asked her everything, and she told me that her and my father were just done. I honestly just went blank. I don’t remember anything else I said or did that whole entire day. The whole week at my mom’s mother’s house was just kind of weird for me. But it felt like me and my mom made a huge bond though. I had never worn a pair of jeans in my life, but one day, I finally felt what it was like. I felt so different. When me and her went to get me a pair I was kind of nervous but she helped me through it. My mother had already cut her hair and started wearing jeans, I had never seen this side of her. I kinda liked this “new” side of my mother. I was just still kinda in shock. My mom looked so relieved and free. I felt happy for her, I always noticed she wasn’t very happy when she and my father were together, but I never understood why until one day. My mother and father were arguing in the dining room and I remember just looking at both of them, asking them to please stop arguing. I finally told my dad to go upstairs and my mom to go to the bedroom. They listened to what I said, which surprised me. But it helped settle both of them. I knew the divorce was kind of a good idea, they needed to get away from each other. But most of all, my mother needed to get away from him. I never noticed how much of a manipulative, narcissistic, abusive man he was because I never saw that side of him, but my mother did and all she was doing was trying to get help. Me and my mom would dance in the bathroom to songs she would download on her phone, and I remember those being my most cherished memories of all time. When me and my mom had time to ourselves, it felt like I was living a whole different life. At first I was a daddy’s girl, but I later found out that for the rest of my life I’d be a momma’s girl. As I got older, things took some hard turns. Later in my life I started developing a lot of depression and anxiety out of this world. My mother married someone and I’ll never mention his name ever again. He ruined her life, even when he knew my mother was already torn up from a past abusive marriage. He was such a narcissist. He acted like he loved me and my brother, but he never truly did. He proposed to her in the kitchen of our apartment. He cheated on my mother not long after he proposed. After my mother found out he had cheated on her he left, but he came back. We were living in an apartment at the time. One night I got called into her bedroom and there he sat, on the bed. Why was he back I wondered. I wasn’t disappointed in my mother, I was just so confused on why she wanted a man that cheated on her again. He hurt her. At this time, I found out that I legitimately hated men. They ended up dating again and I didn’t really know what to think. I had such mixed feelings about him. When he tried talking to me in the bedroom the night he came back, I didn’t say anything back so of course he wanted to leave because he said I didn’t want him there, which was the truth. I hated him, he hurt my mother just like my father had done to her. Finally we moved into our home we still live in! I was so excited to finally live in a home, I was happy in the apartment but I was happy to leave those horrible memories behind me. Him and my mother got married finally a little while after we moved in. I didn’t really know what to think about it, but as long as my mother was happy, I would be happy too. I finally got used to him being here, me and him kinda built a bond. I mean he was my stepdad. But everything changed, again. One night, me, him, my mother, and my brother all went to rookies downtown. I was furious at my father, and I don’t even remember why.. I was kind of influenced to call him and give it all to him, but half of me wanted to do it also, so I did it. When we got home I took my mother's phone and called him. I was nervous but ready. I told him how I felt about having to wear skirts and how I had to pretend to be something I truly wasn’t. My father had never heard me cuss so it took him by surprise when he heard that. He didn’t even care about how I felt, he only cared about the one cuss word I had let out. I knew no matter how much I fought to stay with my mom forever, it would never happen. I tried everything, CPS, Court, everything in my power, but nothing worked. I hated my dad, I hated him so much. I didn’t want to even consider him my father anymore. I hated my father so much. I wanted to only be with my mother forever. But then another divorce happened. My step dad and mother got a divorce because of everything he had done to her. He had done worse things to her than my father had done. I hated him so much. I still do with everything with me. I wish I could hurt him more than he hurt my mother. She didn’t deserve any of this. She just wanted love and loyalty, but all she got was dishonesty and pain in the end. Why won’t anyone just treat my mother right? I felt like every man that would step into the house I would make a strong bond with. Then they would just disappear forever. That’s why I just can’t stand men. I’m not a feminist, but I just want to protect my mom forever. Everyone has their own issues, but mine are just different. I feel like no matter how much help I try to get, nothing ever works. I’ve tried therapy, journaling, the rubberband method, and nothing helps. Medication is what I thought would help me, but it didn’t help at all. I love to be alone, but sometimes it doesn’t help. The only person that is really keeping me alive right now is my mother. If I didn’t have my mother here, I would have no point in living anymore. I love her, she deserves so much better. I would do anything to make her life better. I hate seeing her cry, stress, and just anything that makes her feel horrible. I would work in the desert, cut every single part of my body, pour salt in the cuts for her. I would put myself through so much for that woman. She just deserves so much more. There is no one else I would do that for. She’s the woman that felt me inside her, gave birth to me, and still has me. I will always be here for her. There will never be a time that she’ll be alone. No one can love her like I do. She’s like an egg, she’s so fragile. I don’t want anything happening to her. But my life is so hard to deal with. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone, because as the saying goes, “Hurt people, will hurt people”. I just don’t want anyone hurting her. She’s such a special and loving woman. Through all the hell she has been through, she still will always be the strongest woman I’ve ever met and the only mom I will ever love. No one will ever beat my mother. I’m so glad I have her. She taught me everything I know, how to tie my shoes, how to do my hair, my fashion ways. I just want her to myself. I don;t want anyone else to have her, ever. Just me and her is all I want for the rest of my life. As we can see, my life has been full of ups and downs, but no matter what..I know I’ll always have that one special person by my side, her.
Me when I was a youngin and my beautiful mother. |
2023.06.03 06:43 redditname447 Damn I just beat the biggest urge of my life
ITS FUCKING OVER. I WON. 4 years trying to beat this and it’s finished. I have control over myself.
I was literally getting ready to relapse. I had a horrible day and and opened some porn, hard as a rock, ready to fap. All of the sudden I just took some deep breaths, closed my eyes, and stopped.
I can look at porn, alone with an erect dick, and choose to close it and not fap. I don’t see what can stop me anymore.
submitted by redditname447 to NoFap [link] [comments]
I was literally getting ready to relapse. I had a horrible day and and opened some porn, hard as a rock, ready to fap. All of the sudden I just took some deep breaths, closed my eyes, and stopped.
I can look at porn, alone with an erect dick, and choose to close it and not fap. I don’t see what can stop me anymore.
2023.06.03 06:43 Dull_Turnover1252 Me [20's] with my family and friends who aren't even helping
My mom told me that she did a biopsy after a mammogram, MRI, and ultrasound, and I panicked. I googled everything about it, and I tried to ask her for more details. She said, "I don't know any more details and I can't tell you until I get more results back."
I literally cried and had 58 panic attacks. I tried to call my friend's mom, a gynecologist, and she said the same thing. She even said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not her doctor and I can't magically guess what's happening. Moreover, I need sleep. I am on call tomorrow. Talk to you later." I felt that was rude. I texted my friend's mom, "Do you really have this bedside manner with every patient?"
What is even worse is that my dad's who is a doctor but not an ob/gyn, tried to calm me down too. She tried to hug me and walk me through breathing exercises and told me that she'd support me while we waited for more results. My mom doesn't even like my dad's SO so yeah.
I told her to stop giving me false hope. We have a FAMILY HISTORY of breast and uterine cancer!
tl;dr: I told them to stop giving me false hope and they got mad at me
submitted by Dull_Turnover1252 to relationships [link] [comments]
I literally cried and had 58 panic attacks. I tried to call my friend's mom, a gynecologist, and she said the same thing. She even said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not her doctor and I can't magically guess what's happening. Moreover, I need sleep. I am on call tomorrow. Talk to you later." I felt that was rude. I texted my friend's mom, "Do you really have this bedside manner with every patient?"
What is even worse is that my dad's who is a doctor but not an ob/gyn, tried to calm me down too. She tried to hug me and walk me through breathing exercises and told me that she'd support me while we waited for more results. My mom doesn't even like my dad's SO so yeah.
I told her to stop giving me false hope. We have a FAMILY HISTORY of breast and uterine cancer!
2023.06.03 06:43 throwaway384748387 Can a new traumatic event trigger ptsd about older traumas too?
Had a terrifying near accident while driving today. A semi truck tried to run me off the road. Ever since I’ve been alternating between having anxiety attacks and feeling really disassociated. I feel the same as I did years ago after a different traumatic event (that was more serious than what happened today). I’m having flashes through my mind of what happened today and what happened years ago. Is it possible what happened today could cause my ptsd to come back? I’m 28 and I haven’t felt this way since I was diagnosed with ptsd at 15. I’m freaking out, I can’t feel this way again
submitted by throwaway384748387 to askatherapist [link] [comments]
2023.06.03 06:43 babybillyselixir Feeling frustrated with myself and my relationship
We've been together 10+ years and there's been ups and downs but we were always able to work through it and become stronger in the process.
I know exactly what I need to do in this situation but I'm avoiding it and only prolonging my anguish to my own detriment. I know the things I need to work on for myself. I used to be in therapy but could no longer afford it. Which is why I'm here instead I guess.
Lately our intimate life hasn't been great. We've never had issues like this before. I'm more LL and he's HL, so I'm okay with him having his own time to do his thing. Some days of the week that's staying up late and just having a night to himself which I'm cool with as I can also do the same. But lately during sex, I noticed he's been frequently going soft, and/or wanting to put porn on in the background. I'm not inherently against this (the porn), but the combo of it has been making me feel shitty. So I've been feeling angry constantly.
He says he knows his limits and when to control himself when it comes to his porn consumption, that he can stop and take breaks whenever he feels he's going over the edge, but lately I'm wondering if the frequency is now nearing on an addiction. I know everyone is different with their libido so I didn't want to jump to addiction straight away as this was never an issue before. Even if he does lose his erection, he still makes sure I'm taken care of.
But when he's in the other room having his time, and I see that closed door, I feel bitter and start thinking negatively about him, imagining whatever he's doing in there and and dramatically thinking maybe this is the end of our relationship. That anger also makes me want to hurt him as retaliation for how our issues have hurt me in the past, which I realize I may have never gotten any kind of closure from. Maybe some of it is dormant anger from then I didn't realize was still there that's snow balling into the frustration now. I acknowledge this is petty and not a healthy emotional response.
He does spend time with me both emotionally and physically so I'm not being totally neglected or anything. I know if I speak up about this, he'll listen. When we're hanging out, I forget those feelings and remember why I still love him and then think those other feelings weren't that big of a deal. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I'm also depressed and have been struggling to get back onto my own hobbies and independent life so without those, I dwell and agonize more than I should. I know I just have to talk to him, but my upbringing has made me conflict averse and afraid of rocking the boat. So instead I shut down and distance myself. He always notices and asks if I'm ok, need space or if there's something I want to talk about and I stupidly reassure him that I'm fine, and then go and sulk. Why do I have to be like this?
submitted by babybillyselixir to offmychest [link] [comments]
I know exactly what I need to do in this situation but I'm avoiding it and only prolonging my anguish to my own detriment. I know the things I need to work on for myself. I used to be in therapy but could no longer afford it. Which is why I'm here instead I guess.
Lately our intimate life hasn't been great. We've never had issues like this before. I'm more LL and he's HL, so I'm okay with him having his own time to do his thing. Some days of the week that's staying up late and just having a night to himself which I'm cool with as I can also do the same. But lately during sex, I noticed he's been frequently going soft, and/or wanting to put porn on in the background. I'm not inherently against this (the porn), but the combo of it has been making me feel shitty. So I've been feeling angry constantly.
He says he knows his limits and when to control himself when it comes to his porn consumption, that he can stop and take breaks whenever he feels he's going over the edge, but lately I'm wondering if the frequency is now nearing on an addiction. I know everyone is different with their libido so I didn't want to jump to addiction straight away as this was never an issue before. Even if he does lose his erection, he still makes sure I'm taken care of.
But when he's in the other room having his time, and I see that closed door, I feel bitter and start thinking negatively about him, imagining whatever he's doing in there and and dramatically thinking maybe this is the end of our relationship. That anger also makes me want to hurt him as retaliation for how our issues have hurt me in the past, which I realize I may have never gotten any kind of closure from. Maybe some of it is dormant anger from then I didn't realize was still there that's snow balling into the frustration now. I acknowledge this is petty and not a healthy emotional response.
He does spend time with me both emotionally and physically so I'm not being totally neglected or anything. I know if I speak up about this, he'll listen. When we're hanging out, I forget those feelings and remember why I still love him and then think those other feelings weren't that big of a deal. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I'm also depressed and have been struggling to get back onto my own hobbies and independent life so without those, I dwell and agonize more than I should. I know I just have to talk to him, but my upbringing has made me conflict averse and afraid of rocking the boat. So instead I shut down and distance myself. He always notices and asks if I'm ok, need space or if there's something I want to talk about and I stupidly reassure him that I'm fine, and then go and sulk. Why do I have to be like this?
2023.06.03 06:43 Grouchy_Dimension_30 Can tell he’s hiding something 🤦🏻♀️ but can’t figure out what
My PA has been working on recovery and it’s been a rocky start. He got rid of all the triggering apps and deleted all his social media profiles. I make sure to monitor everything now as well.
Something clicked today and I can’t quite prove it yet but I can tell somethings up even with all the stuff we have in place.
I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions of what I might have missed or weird things to look for that I just might be oblivious to?
He keeps saying he’s staying up watching his favorite show in the evenings at work but his watch history on the app he logs into doesn’t show any progress for that show. It’s been the same episode and season for the last week. We share the service so I can see his profile and watch history whenever I login. He doesn’t know this yet, and I don’t plan on sharing anything. I sort of want to see where it goes.
One of his tells is when he talks a lot about something or shares lots of detail I know he’s lying. He knows I don’t watch the show or care to but he started rattling off today about the season finale. I think he needed to make sure I knew he was actually watching it. Thing is, I will sit through the work of verifying that shit down to the color of the shirt he might have described. He doesn’t even think that far so he just kept talking. Anyway, I watched the finale for myself. None of the shit he spent that rant explaining happened in that episode . It all happened in the episodes prior to and in the one his profile says he last watched. Which is halfway through the entire season.
I’ve pieced that part together now, but I can’t figure out what he’s doing during that time frame that isn’t actually watching the show. His screentime isn’t showing anything in the timeframe so I’m assuming it’s incognito but I need solid proof before he will admit to pretty much anything and work on it.
Another aha moment today was that I realized his work backpack was missing the towel he took for showers on the road(he’s a truck driver). It’s been missing for a bit, but I sort of let that slip under the radar I guess. He always had it just in case he was expected to have an extended trip and needed to wash up at the truck stop. I called him out for using socks to ejaculate into at work and I told him I never wanted to find that shit again. I’m thinking since I haven’t seen a sock in a long time, it’s got to be the towel now and he’s just been lying.
I will causally bring up the towel at some point and ask him to bring it home to launder. When it either doesn’t or he rushes to wash it before me I will know the answer to the MO at the very least. I just need to find out what the porn is.
Any clues or guesses?
I am in investigative mode to collect information for accountability right now. Any suggestions are much appreciated!
submitted by Grouchy_Dimension_30 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]
Something clicked today and I can’t quite prove it yet but I can tell somethings up even with all the stuff we have in place.
I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions of what I might have missed or weird things to look for that I just might be oblivious to?
He keeps saying he’s staying up watching his favorite show in the evenings at work but his watch history on the app he logs into doesn’t show any progress for that show. It’s been the same episode and season for the last week. We share the service so I can see his profile and watch history whenever I login. He doesn’t know this yet, and I don’t plan on sharing anything. I sort of want to see where it goes.
One of his tells is when he talks a lot about something or shares lots of detail I know he’s lying. He knows I don’t watch the show or care to but he started rattling off today about the season finale. I think he needed to make sure I knew he was actually watching it. Thing is, I will sit through the work of verifying that shit down to the color of the shirt he might have described. He doesn’t even think that far so he just kept talking. Anyway, I watched the finale for myself. None of the shit he spent that rant explaining happened in that episode . It all happened in the episodes prior to and in the one his profile says he last watched. Which is halfway through the entire season.
I’ve pieced that part together now, but I can’t figure out what he’s doing during that time frame that isn’t actually watching the show. His screentime isn’t showing anything in the timeframe so I’m assuming it’s incognito but I need solid proof before he will admit to pretty much anything and work on it.
Another aha moment today was that I realized his work backpack was missing the towel he took for showers on the road(he’s a truck driver). It’s been missing for a bit, but I sort of let that slip under the radar I guess. He always had it just in case he was expected to have an extended trip and needed to wash up at the truck stop. I called him out for using socks to ejaculate into at work and I told him I never wanted to find that shit again. I’m thinking since I haven’t seen a sock in a long time, it’s got to be the towel now and he’s just been lying.
I will causally bring up the towel at some point and ask him to bring it home to launder. When it either doesn’t or he rushes to wash it before me I will know the answer to the MO at the very least. I just need to find out what the porn is.
Any clues or guesses?
I am in investigative mode to collect information for accountability right now. Any suggestions are much appreciated!
2023.06.03 06:43 h3artbreak_weather I can’t get the ACOTAR hype i’m sorry
So i’m like 60% through A Court of Mist and Fury rn and i’m dragging myself through it at this point. maybe this is more of a personal thing but SJM’s writing style is just not really for me. I like fantasy/dystopian/sci-fi and had high hopes for it. I read the first book and actually enjoyed it a lot, only because of the end part, the rest of it was a lot of world building. HOLY F I AM SO CLOSE TO DNF-ING THIS!
ACOMAF is like worshipped on booktok and people say it’s the best of the series. i’ve expressed my frustration and people say it’s the best of the series and keep reading cause it gets sooo good so i kept going. Rhys and Feyre have some very cute moments but like so much of the book is just forgettable. The plot picks up for a chapter or two and goes back to being painfully slow. I’m on chapter 40 rn so if it gets great near the end and i’m being too hasty i apologize
THE WRITING OMG it’s like she takes up three paragraphs describing a damn room! I do love vivid descriptions in books they’re necessary to really paint the scene but so much of it is just…not my taste. Two sentences and I get the idea. don’t say it’s because i’m a dumb American with no literacy my SAT and English professors say otherwise. my grammer may not be good in this because it’s a reddit post not an essay (i’m just bracing myself because the acotar fanbase is an army that will attack at any criticism).
I really want to just pick up another series at some point but people say the plot of the next book is a lot so maybe i should keep going? if you haven’t noticed i need plot i’m not a “no plot just vibes” kind of reader. please tell me i’m not alone or it gets better i love when it picks up but that only happens like every 30 chapters or maybe i am just too dumb to get it idk
submitted by h3artbreak_weather to books [link] [comments]
ACOMAF is like worshipped on booktok and people say it’s the best of the series. i’ve expressed my frustration and people say it’s the best of the series and keep reading cause it gets sooo good so i kept going. Rhys and Feyre have some very cute moments but like so much of the book is just forgettable. The plot picks up for a chapter or two and goes back to being painfully slow. I’m on chapter 40 rn so if it gets great near the end and i’m being too hasty i apologize
THE WRITING OMG it’s like she takes up three paragraphs describing a damn room! I do love vivid descriptions in books they’re necessary to really paint the scene but so much of it is just…not my taste. Two sentences and I get the idea. don’t say it’s because i’m a dumb American with no literacy my SAT and English professors say otherwise. my grammer may not be good in this because it’s a reddit post not an essay (i’m just bracing myself because the acotar fanbase is an army that will attack at any criticism).
I really want to just pick up another series at some point but people say the plot of the next book is a lot so maybe i should keep going? if you haven’t noticed i need plot i’m not a “no plot just vibes” kind of reader. please tell me i’m not alone or it gets better i love when it picks up but that only happens like every 30 chapters or maybe i am just too dumb to get it idk
2023.06.03 06:43 0210eojl Please be more careful
I’d like to preface this post by saying that I usually use my bike to get around, and I know that ideally in a world with better bike infrastructure that bikers would not have to take a lot of the precautions that they do/should currently.
I was just driving my sibling home from work and as I was making a lane change, a bike with no front lights came up on that same side, I stopped as I didn’t see her and she swerved a bit to avoid me, but didn’t have to. After this, she stopped in front of me and yelled that when I see a bike I have to stop (which I did). The problem is that it was late at night on a poorly lit road, there was no way for me to see a bike that did not have any lights on it. Additionally, being late in a big city, it is even more important to take these precautions with the amount of drunk drivers (I was not one).
I know that most of the time when a biker gets into an accident most of the blame can be placed on the car, and I should have checked more thoroughly, but biking with no lights is just so crazily unsafe.
submitted by 0210eojl to bikecommuting [link] [comments]
I was just driving my sibling home from work and as I was making a lane change, a bike with no front lights came up on that same side, I stopped as I didn’t see her and she swerved a bit to avoid me, but didn’t have to. After this, she stopped in front of me and yelled that when I see a bike I have to stop (which I did). The problem is that it was late at night on a poorly lit road, there was no way for me to see a bike that did not have any lights on it. Additionally, being late in a big city, it is even more important to take these precautions with the amount of drunk drivers (I was not one).
I know that most of the time when a biker gets into an accident most of the blame can be placed on the car, and I should have checked more thoroughly, but biking with no lights is just so crazily unsafe.
2023.06.03 06:43 WhiteWren010 I am so frustrated and upset and nobody seems to care.
. I spend a lot of time outside. I live in a rural area of Oklahoma, with lots of trees and wildlife. My special interest is everything that grows and lives outside. I love it all, the trees and the creek and all the animals, even the snakes. It's my sanctuary and it just makes me happy. Well, a couple of months ago the county started working on a main road near my property. As a result traffic has been re-routed down my road. The excess traffic was bad enough, but the construction vehicles caused so many potholes that they tore up the entire paved road and now it is a dirt road. With so much constant traffic there is a perpetual cloud and dirt and road pollution in the air over the road, the land across from me, and in my own yard. The flowering plants aren't blooming at all, and many of them are dying. The birds I used to watch out my window have gone elsewhere, I don't even blame them. I have only seen 1 deer in the last month. There are no more beavers, and their were a family of mink I would see on occasion, but they are gone too. I look over the underpass where a creek runs and there is a film of oil and dirt on the water and the gar fish I would see near the surface are gone. I see a turtle here and there. I haven't seen a single diamondback water snake. Even my barn cat is looking unwell. I don't have any friends but that was okay because I talked to every animal I would see. I know it seems childish, but I'm autistic and I would get so excited to see a new critter. This was my world. Now, every time I go outside I want to cry and I can almost feel the pain of the wild plants. I called my county commissioner, and he told me to be patient. It would only take 18months to get to my road. I think maybe I should call an environmental group. IDK. Right now I'm just very sad...😞😞😞
submitted by WhiteWren010 to AutismInWomen [link] [comments]